Perfect Man
My last entry was about love and coincidentally, some things happened around me concerning love. Heh, for myself it's puppy love...and even though to me, he looked like an ex army guy with a tall lean physique of a runner and a tanned skin from long exposure to running in the sun, he has this charm that I reckon only I feel it. YAH....nobody feels the lurRrve around him. It's like my colleagues don't even notice his existence until I point it out like 'ok people! silence...my crush is here..' in Malay but I think the uhm..hush hush sudden quietness a few times in the pantry (apparently, i notice that he doesn't eat out) may have just caught his notice like 'eh?' because we were quite a chatty bunch prior to that...kekeke. I think it may be too obvious till I caught him looking at me in two instances like he suspected that I have this bit of interest in him and I don't know if he is returning the favour or what. Like just now, as I walking from the cafeteria to the lift lobby, he was standing outside the lecture room with a few of his colleagues and he saw me among my other colleagues. You know the other time when he saw me walking down the aisle as he was about to enter the glass door to his department, he gave me this look twice like he noticed my presence, well...he did it again just now and I think it might just be official that he suspected that I have an interest in him. I really don't know. Because after he looked at me and I looked at him in that few seconds of an instance and could not afford to self control a little smile before looking down awkwardly, I think he felt a bit awkward too that he started to focus back to his colleagues and making a small talk.
I did not want to make it look so obvious because like I have said before, Im not in a hurry to pursue a relationship and not about to give up my singlehood just yet for couplehood. But I don't rule out the possibility of wanting to be his friend or at least get to know him a bit (and err..show him off to the rest of the world..starting with my colleagues and friends..hahahahahaha...). So far, I have been getting negative feedback which isn't that nice lah if you ask me but people are entitled to their own opinions. Anyway, I never had a crush on a guy with a typical look that makes most girls swoon so Im pretty happy with my choice yet again this time because right now, he has made Rahayu's heart flutter once again after a very long while. At the very least, it makes being in office a bit more bearable. Oh, and especially lunch time in the office during rainy days.
Since we're on the hot topic of a perfect man, a term coined by my long-time friend recently, let's just share some experiences here. For myself, I don't have this list of criterias that I will self tick in my head as we go down the long line of guys down the road. I mean, roughly I don't like the guy to smoke, lacks intelligence, has a playboy streak in him, has a big ego, has little respect for women and etc because the last thing I want is to be treated like dirt. But I don't go into such small details like a blueprint in case of a terrorist attack. I don't envision in my head an idea of a perfect man or a perfect guy because frankly speaking, there isn't one that will wholly fit that category. You just have to make exceptions here and there just like how we ourselves are not perfect. I mean first thing first, you can't just jump into a relationship until you are ready for it because there are many obstacles to go through and at times you may face cold wars, quarrel sessions, uhm...nagging session..bedroom sessions..okay kidding about the last one, so if our heart is not ready for such commitment, I think you can just join my club of admiring guys from afar first and approaching them with a whole lot of caution.
Most girls do envision the perfect guy in their head while others just go with the flow like me. But what if, that perfect guy turns out to be wrong in other places too? I know you'd go like 'huh? what's that?' Okay for one thing, it is evident that we do need to turn a blind eye towards some of his habits unless we really cannot take one more second of it. But there are some concerns that we need to tackle very very cautiously because they are very serious that if we keep pushing it back, it will never be settled and turn into this one giant ball that will roll back to us with a great impact that you can forget totally about love. For example, my good friend who has been this 'anti-guy' thing for the longest time ever but gets along with them very fine (and you think im the only confused person around), well..whatdya know....thinks that she has found the perfect guy. Even though she denies that it is love but just an interest so great that when he left Singapore for his homeland, she cried for three days (wow, and I was telling her that she won't even cry for me for like 5 seconds even!), I do understand her concern and her state of confusion. Well, like they said, two confused heads are better than one.
I mean if we're very open minded and don't care about most things, the concerns that she and I share are nothing to them. Im not saying that Im not open minded enough but I do know that some things are very real and sooner or later, you have to face up to them. Okay what the hell am I talking about. Things like age, race, religion...gender, if you're stuck in the Brokeback Mountains....that you can say are very sensitive issues. I mean..pfft...of course love will eventually overcome EVERYTHING...but come on, that only exists in the movies! Duh..Then, how about lifestyle? Im not a clubber but he lives and breathes on clubbing almost every weekend or he enjoys outdoor activities while I enjoy indoor activities like watching VCDs. For some girls, they don't mind a guy who is younger than them but the question is, how young are you willing to go? Then, can you easily let go of the fact that at his age, he may still be rather carefree and has some difficulties making decisions even if they are small? Even if he is matured in his thinking, can you live on the fact that the guy is younger than you? Again myself, the issue is often race because as far as I know, I never had any interest in a Malay guy because none has commanded my attention in a big way and it is not because I prefer other races better especially the Chinese population because you can't deny that hey..they are the largest lot in Singapore so they are practically everywhere. I can easily bypass that but I don't know if a Chinese guy, like me perfect crush..hehe..., is the type who doesn't care about the race of the girl. Then being born a Muslim, we have to marry someone of the same religion as us or if not, he has to convert and follow the way of a Muslim including fasting which is a big challenge for them and also start eating halal food which includes giving up a heck lot of good food. At least in their books.
The strength in one's love is also fed by the moral support of the partner so it doesn't just mean making sacrifices blindly and in the end, it backfires. Being in a relationship, whether married or unmarried, is not a walk in the park. It means crossing a busy road hand in hand because you'll never know when a car will be racing down the road or if we forget to look the other way for oncoming traffic. Therefore we need to be extra cautious and look out for each other before reaching safely to the other side of the road. I think it is important to be there for your partner especially if he or she is willing to change for you be it the religion or the lifestyle because making the decision is one thing but maintaining the decision made is another thing. The next thing you know, he or she will be back to square one and you will lose that one perfect guy or girl because apparently, someone doesn't take care of the relationship well enough.
So for my friend, I can only advise that you will get over it slowly and I don't think saying that you like him like how he likes you and makes an effort to mention that so many times (gawd....like I said to you...slow lah you! haha..) is a difficult thing because he has made it easier for you already. I understand your concerns especially the age, the religion, the home countries and many more but girl, a perfect guy doesn't have to fall neatly into the same category as ours. It's a matter of how you respond to each other. I know that we both are big dufuses or idiots when it comes to matters of the opposite sex. We're both almost in the same boat being singles for the longest time ever so we tend to be more on the overly cautious side. To me, there is nothing wrong with this picture so don't worry. But if you think that it is too complicated, then don't force yourself into telling him. If you can live with not telling him ever, so be it. I know that time will slowly heal all wounds but even it doesn't completely heal, at least the pain is a bit more bearable or it becomes a painless process already. I went through it a few times and I know it. Whatever it is girl, I am behind any decision you made so don't beat yourself up over him on whether you should confess or not. It just depends on whether you want to or you don't want to. That's all. So cheer up girl..hehe..and don't think so much! Think about me..hahahahah...
I did not want to make it look so obvious because like I have said before, Im not in a hurry to pursue a relationship and not about to give up my singlehood just yet for couplehood. But I don't rule out the possibility of wanting to be his friend or at least get to know him a bit (and err..show him off to the rest of the world..starting with my colleagues and friends..hahahahahaha...). So far, I have been getting negative feedback which isn't that nice lah if you ask me but people are entitled to their own opinions. Anyway, I never had a crush on a guy with a typical look that makes most girls swoon so Im pretty happy with my choice yet again this time because right now, he has made Rahayu's heart flutter once again after a very long while. At the very least, it makes being in office a bit more bearable. Oh, and especially lunch time in the office during rainy days.
Since we're on the hot topic of a perfect man, a term coined by my long-time friend recently, let's just share some experiences here. For myself, I don't have this list of criterias that I will self tick in my head as we go down the long line of guys down the road. I mean, roughly I don't like the guy to smoke, lacks intelligence, has a playboy streak in him, has a big ego, has little respect for women and etc because the last thing I want is to be treated like dirt. But I don't go into such small details like a blueprint in case of a terrorist attack. I don't envision in my head an idea of a perfect man or a perfect guy because frankly speaking, there isn't one that will wholly fit that category. You just have to make exceptions here and there just like how we ourselves are not perfect. I mean first thing first, you can't just jump into a relationship until you are ready for it because there are many obstacles to go through and at times you may face cold wars, quarrel sessions, uhm...nagging session..bedroom sessions..okay kidding about the last one, so if our heart is not ready for such commitment, I think you can just join my club of admiring guys from afar first and approaching them with a whole lot of caution.
Most girls do envision the perfect guy in their head while others just go with the flow like me. But what if, that perfect guy turns out to be wrong in other places too? I know you'd go like 'huh? what's that?' Okay for one thing, it is evident that we do need to turn a blind eye towards some of his habits unless we really cannot take one more second of it. But there are some concerns that we need to tackle very very cautiously because they are very serious that if we keep pushing it back, it will never be settled and turn into this one giant ball that will roll back to us with a great impact that you can forget totally about love. For example, my good friend who has been this 'anti-guy' thing for the longest time ever but gets along with them very fine (and you think im the only confused person around), well..whatdya know....thinks that she has found the perfect guy. Even though she denies that it is love but just an interest so great that when he left Singapore for his homeland, she cried for three days (wow, and I was telling her that she won't even cry for me for like 5 seconds even!), I do understand her concern and her state of confusion. Well, like they said, two confused heads are better than one.
I mean if we're very open minded and don't care about most things, the concerns that she and I share are nothing to them. Im not saying that Im not open minded enough but I do know that some things are very real and sooner or later, you have to face up to them. Okay what the hell am I talking about. Things like age, race, religion...gender, if you're stuck in the Brokeback Mountains....that you can say are very sensitive issues. I mean..pfft...of course love will eventually overcome EVERYTHING...but come on, that only exists in the movies! Duh..Then, how about lifestyle? Im not a clubber but he lives and breathes on clubbing almost every weekend or he enjoys outdoor activities while I enjoy indoor activities like watching VCDs. For some girls, they don't mind a guy who is younger than them but the question is, how young are you willing to go? Then, can you easily let go of the fact that at his age, he may still be rather carefree and has some difficulties making decisions even if they are small? Even if he is matured in his thinking, can you live on the fact that the guy is younger than you? Again myself, the issue is often race because as far as I know, I never had any interest in a Malay guy because none has commanded my attention in a big way and it is not because I prefer other races better especially the Chinese population because you can't deny that hey..they are the largest lot in Singapore so they are practically everywhere. I can easily bypass that but I don't know if a Chinese guy, like me perfect crush..hehe..., is the type who doesn't care about the race of the girl. Then being born a Muslim, we have to marry someone of the same religion as us or if not, he has to convert and follow the way of a Muslim including fasting which is a big challenge for them and also start eating halal food which includes giving up a heck lot of good food. At least in their books.
The strength in one's love is also fed by the moral support of the partner so it doesn't just mean making sacrifices blindly and in the end, it backfires. Being in a relationship, whether married or unmarried, is not a walk in the park. It means crossing a busy road hand in hand because you'll never know when a car will be racing down the road or if we forget to look the other way for oncoming traffic. Therefore we need to be extra cautious and look out for each other before reaching safely to the other side of the road. I think it is important to be there for your partner especially if he or she is willing to change for you be it the religion or the lifestyle because making the decision is one thing but maintaining the decision made is another thing. The next thing you know, he or she will be back to square one and you will lose that one perfect guy or girl because apparently, someone doesn't take care of the relationship well enough.
So for my friend, I can only advise that you will get over it slowly and I don't think saying that you like him like how he likes you and makes an effort to mention that so many times (gawd....like I said to you...slow lah you! haha..) is a difficult thing because he has made it easier for you already. I understand your concerns especially the age, the religion, the home countries and many more but girl, a perfect guy doesn't have to fall neatly into the same category as ours. It's a matter of how you respond to each other. I know that we both are big dufuses or idiots when it comes to matters of the opposite sex. We're both almost in the same boat being singles for the longest time ever so we tend to be more on the overly cautious side. To me, there is nothing wrong with this picture so don't worry. But if you think that it is too complicated, then don't force yourself into telling him. If you can live with not telling him ever, so be it. I know that time will slowly heal all wounds but even it doesn't completely heal, at least the pain is a bit more bearable or it becomes a painless process already. I went through it a few times and I know it. Whatever it is girl, I am behind any decision you made so don't beat yourself up over him on whether you should confess or not. It just depends on whether you want to or you don't want to. That's all. So cheer up girl..hehe..and don't think so much! Think about me..hahahahah...
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