Thursday, February 28, 2008
Oh well...Dewy...I hope you will win. If not, there's always Perry. yes..yes...trust me to be unfaithful. I got a feeling it's going to be like America's Next Top Model. They dont care if you're snobbish or whiny, if you've got the IT looks, you got the IT looks.
Well, I have been feeling pretty tired these past few days which is a mixture between good and bad. Good...because I get to catch up on sleep and bad...because it also means my diet has been haphazard. Food that has been on my 'banned' list has made subtle comeback. Actually, of course I welcome their comeback with open arms, but it's only during special occasions like outings with my friends or free buffet spread..heh. But we're talking in my own day-to-day lifestyle. No it's not because Im trying to be the next Nicole Richie but it's just a matter of health and right now, these food (which I shall not name to protect their privacy) have been causing quite a stir in my body system.
Er, maybe coz Im happy that Im finally getting the much awaited change in my life so..............you know what happens if you're trigger happy. But let's just say after this weekend, I hope things will be back to normal and try to bring down the sugar level in my blood. See, I told you it's not for the sake of vanity. ok...maybeeee.......partially, since Im going to the Dinner and Dance next Saturday and I will be wearing a dress. Yes, you heard me right...a dress. So not Rahayu but hell, it's just for one night.
Actually, I wanted to leave a little something behind for my dear colleagues as some kind of memento. I guess i have already mentioned that they're not exactly shocked that I was going to leave partially coz of things they heard last month, no thanks to certain people though I have not confirmed anything then. And I also know they have other things to worry about like the unanticipation of working with certain people and how hectic their schedules are because in the current setting, we are required to travel to all parts of Singapore irregardless of where you live. So instead of feeling sad, they're actually happy that Im leaving because it means a better career prospective for me.
But..........it wouldnt hurt for them to miss me...a weeeeeee bit, right? heh..
I thought of writing them letters which is, really, the cheapskate way of saying goodbye. But it's the thought that counts right?
So Im kinda nervous of going to the main office tomorrow to meet this certain someone which I assume is working for HR. I hope it's going to be a 'chop chop' thing....like get it over and done with. Then, she will officially say if tomorrow or Friday is going to be my very last day. Either way, this is definitely goodbye....
I shall start work on writing my letters now! And maybe play facebook in between as well...anything just to avoid cleaning my room for yet another time. Blame it on the poor diet!
Friday, February 22, 2008
Trust me, nowadays, my geekiness is in this order...internet geek, tv geek and followed by computer geek. Pretty much soon, I would be in my computer geek mode as I have to read this entire Dummis book on using a Mac OS x which my brother, a Mac fan, pointed out that this is an old version of Mac and the latest version is a..err...hrm, was it safari..leopard..honestly, I dont care. But I told him this was the only version they had (believe it or not..coming from the library) so deal with it! Okay that is more meant for me since I will be the one reading the book and at least mastering the basics.
Geez, sometimes I wish the school that I will be posted to is using a damn windows operating system. But it's okay, obviously Rahayu is prepared for any changes nowadays..pfftt..not a problem..although you know this is just small talk.
Okay so it has been finalised that I will be starting work on the 3rd march, which is...*gasp*..slightly more than a week later! Well, actually there were a few starting dates options all beginning on Monday but the earlier dates were 3rd March followed by 17th March. I was compelled to take the 17th March but it would be quite a long wait and already the wait to get this job took slightly more than a month later. But on the 3rd, it will give me enough time to give them a week's notice in regards to my departure. Actually, after signing the letter among the rest of them..about...17 of them with various posts...I realised that it's good thing I didnt take it on the 17th because it would coincide with my dad's hospital appointment.
So on that 3rd, I would be going for the induction, which is more or less like an orientation, at MDA over at Maxwell Road. After that, I would have to report to the school I have been posted to at about lunch time because the orientation is only for half a day.
Now, my only grouch is getting my first pay. It stated that if I joined after the 25th of the month, say..on the 26th, I will only be getting my first pay on April the 12th. But now that I am joining on the 3rd of March, will I be getting it in March or April? I mean, seriously the April pay will be a bloody long wait. I wanted to ask her when she got to my table and looked through the papers but I thought it would be quite an embarassing question asking about when I would be getting my pay. Darn, I should have asked her. But I kinda expected it and if anything else, I kinda have back up plans like my performance bonus coming from HPB in late March and also the monetary reward for the long term service award with HPB also. And on top of that, perhaps I will also be getting a week's worth of week with ST after my resignation.
So....I just hope that it will pretty much cover up and pray hard that it will be enough.
I dunno...nowadays, I am just so scared to think about whether I am able to support my family so I have been trying my best to spend lesser as much as I can even in terms of family's expenditure. As much as I try not to think about it, I just cant help thinking and worrying.
Anyway, Im just thankful also to my mum who, despite her paranoia with cleanliness and her rather controlling manner over my weekend movements, I appreciate what she had done for me. Like just now, she wanted to accompany to the headquarters and waited at the bus stop...for more than one hour. Well, I didnt expect the session to be that long even though I pretty much only knew that they would be going through a list of the terms. She complained a bit about it lah..but she was pretty much okay later as we took a bus down to Clementi because she was too lazy to cross over the bridge to the Buona Vista mrt.
I am also thankful in a way that she's not as naggy as my current partner at work who is this motherly figure. But as much as I appreciate her concern, many times, no..seriously, many times, at times it can be overbearing. I mean, if you were me, I bet there will come a time when enough is enough when your flaws kept on being pointed out no matter how minute it is only because I told her I appreciate what she's doing. From not standing up when drinking, to hold the bottle with my right hand, not bend over too much when sitting down, to pull up the neckline of my top a bit if it droops down..etc etc etc.
Now, I have come to a point where I am thinking...'goodness! Im not your freaking daughter! we're..working..colleagues.' So I hope she sees me more in the latter than the former because there's only so much I can tolerate when it comes to nagging sessions and that is my mum. My real mum. To me, she's not family so I just feel that her concern towards my wellbeing shouldnt be so overbearing. Even not just towards me but about other people in my workplace such as a colleague of mine which she heard is a smoker from an eyewitness which she then prompted me..or should I say..forced..to confess if she is one. I didnt want to tell actually but I was not happy over how she kept on saying and saying and putting the guilt on me when I didnt want to say it out.
I could have said 'no' but knowing her, it will be definitely be another one of those nagging sessions again.
Haiz. YOu know what..sometimes I wish that it is probably for the better that I leave this job and ultimately the headache of working with certain colleagues of mine.
Okay sleep time. So tomorrow is back to work..and..dum dee dum dum...dropping the bombshell moment with my supervisor.
Thursday, February 21, 2008
I mean come on ah, how insensitive can you get? Even if you want to vent your frustrations, dont go around naming people because really, what will you get out of it? A guilt-ridden satisfaction? And worse, dont let your blog be a place to ridicule other people of whom you deemed to have a lower intellectual level than you. Like for example, in the recent case, for gawd's sake, they are only 8 to 9 year old students! If they're so freaking smart, they dont have to go to school! It's your freaking job to teach them even if you're mortified by their English standard. And then still got the cheek to post their compositions up to prove to your, I dunno....your fellow 'readers' that hey, you're right and these are the evidence.
But on a side note, I dont see cases like this, where your blog becomes a public affair, a main reason why blogs are just not good. To me, it's like making a sweeping statement and usually they tend to make such generalistic view because some blogs which made headlines or become famous are the sort that make a mockery out of others cajoling others to laugh with them and who are stupid enough to come back for more such mockery.
Anyway, on a personal note, I got my first full pay with this new company. Im pretty disappointed that it is 30 d0llars less than I expected to get. I know you're thinking that..pffttt...it's only 30 dollars. But to me, money is still money and that amount can go quite far. I suspect that it was deducted because of the eve of the Chinese New Year's Day which we only worked for half a day in the morning. I mean, why I suspected that was because when I tried to apply leave online this morning (which was a big headache..) they put the CNY code there and put 0.5 day of leave taken. Im like...huh?!! And since that day have yet to count as a full month that we're with the company so if we take leave before the one month, it will be counted as a no pay leave.
But seriously, it's the eve of Chinese New Year! What the?! It just goes to show how money minded they are as they are happily slashing that 30 bucks out of people's salary because we didnt 'deserve' it as we didnt work those hours.
I might be wrong but how else can I explain that missing thirty dollars?
On a happier note, I am on my first leave tomorrow! Woohoo! It's not so much a vacation leave because I have to attend the appointment formalities and then collect some medicine for my dad. And then once finalised, if things go well, I will be officially resigning this Friday. Honestly, Im scared. It will be my first resignation so Im scared as to how the reaction of my supervisor would be.
Now this is a piece of news, which so far, only my team knows and two of my other colleagues of whom I am close to. Oh, correction, one of them...USED to be close to. I didnt spread it around. But someone had actually been telling around that we got interviewed by this future employer the first time I officially joined the company on the first day and then made it known also in that very same room few weeks later that we had to go for the medical check up. Yes, Im talking about that moody girl whose attitude, that people noticed, hasn't really been a good one. So im not alone in thinking the same way too, eh?
Look, Im not saying that she's wrong in asking her supposed friends, that she is more close to nowadays (figures..same attitude what), if they got an interview with them because they had also applied only before us. But she already asked them via messaging through the phones during the break before we officially join the company. It's just that does she have to say infront of others too later on? I thought it was something hush hush between us until people have been hearing around and Im like thinking..'huh? how they know?'
Anyway, maybe she didnt mean to do it on purpose just like what I did when my former supervisor came to our site on the very first day we went outfield. During the conversation, I only said that I went for one interview so far only with this ministry but no reply yet. But you know what? She told another ex supervisor of ours who later went to different teams and let others know that I was leaving.
They were shocked of course..and most definitely me too....because so far, I didnt mention that I was resigning but it did teach me to keep my mouth shut. I mean, within this small group of colleagues of mine, things spread like wildfire so upon confirmation that I got the job, I kept quiet . Well, lesson learnt what. When they asked me if I was leaving, I said I dont know coz I have not received a reply yet.
Im not acting all coy about it because eventually, people will know. But like what my colleague said, if people heard about it and then the supervisor got to know about it via these people instead of me, it wouldnt be a nice thing.
We shall see, eh? By the way, did I tell you that i Know who I will be partnering with next month? Man it sucks and today she showed her biggest selfish attitude when we went back to office just now and it was so overwhelming just now because she showed it via several instances that we just hated her face. Like she got this 'I got better things to do than being stuck in this room with all of you' look. When we tried to get her to share her opinions, she was like 'dunno..dunno!' and put up the newspapers to cover her face when we were talking about the glitches in our computer system which they thought were our mistake.
She got this phobia that people will be so fast to blame things on her that she would rather direct it to other people even with a simple task of taking the keys to the admin door. One of them was so frustrated with her because she knew which key to take but refused to take it and asked this person to take. And when she took it, she announce it to the admin guy there and blatantly pointing her finger at her saying, 'you see she take ah! I never take!' How would you feel when someone does that to you?!! So freaking irritating right? It's like she doesnt want to take responsibility at all and people simply cannot touch her. Then this colleague of mine who was taken aback by her attitude said that she is sexually deprived because she is in her forties and still unmarried.
So I cannot simply imagine working with her next month. Like Amy Winehouse sings..'NO..NO..NO!'
Monday, February 18, 2008
People do think that this is a waste of money and pretty ironic as well since Im quite uptight about the family budget but actually, it's more or less the same depending on what you buy at the market and how much you cook for the family. The only difference is that home cooked food is never the same as restaurant food but neither can I force my dear mum to cook. Usually I buy for my mum and brother only while my mum give my father some money to buy himself some food from outside once in two days. The only times I buy food for myself is during lunch when I work and over the weekend, either I survive merely on bread or my mum and I will share the food (which she usually does voluntarily despite me saying 'no').
It's not so much of me trying to save up that 3 over dollars by not buying food for myself. But it's really hard, I find nowadays, to find food that do not compromise on my health. It's not a diet thing but if I dont look after myself, it will have a repercussion on my family. Uhm, this is not including of me getting sick from being all 'bravado' walking in the rain because Im too gawd damn lazy to buy myself a new working brolly.
As you know, this isnt exactly the first time I voice out this worry about the uncertainty of my family's future. True, people say money is never enough. You can never have enough of it. Look, even the filthy rich complain so. But I think bottom line is, sometimes we cannot be too fooled by other people's exteriors because each and everyone of us has our own problems which I sometimes tell myself that. It's just my way of comforting myself that hey, I'm not alone in thinking how we're going to survive not just today but in days to come.
Despite all this, Im actually happy that my coming new job does not only signify a welcoming change in my life but also a stepping stone for me in proving to myself that I have not forgotten about my own happiness. I often find myself sacrificing for others especially my family that I feel like Im so stagnant being where I am right now as if Im 'itching' for something different.
But God is great. I've already mentioned before that this new job is something that is going to help me in the long run by letting me cut down on unnecessary expenses like the current long distance travelling of my job. I received the new schedule today and I am pretty shocked at the amount of travelling I have to do on a daily basis though it's not something new to me given that I have been in this line for quite some time. It's just many of the places are a little too far off for me.
Oh, next month's partner is a very uptight and bossy sort of person and I am SO glad that my future employer calls me at the right moment..hee. Thank U! Now, the next challenge is for me to inform my supervisor of my impending resignation so that they will be able to afix another person to my team which I dont think will be a problem since we have two former staff who just joined us.
I cant wait for Thursday! That is when I am going to sign on THE dotted line..hehe..
I sound like a bride about to be
Sunday, February 17, 2008
(logo from afterelton)
What the hell? Bottom 3 again?!!
Hello! Wake up can?!
But then again, he has a huge following in bravotv's 'Make me a Supermodel' so maybeeee..just maybe, he will pull through.
He's being criticized for being too 'All American' which I dont understand what it meant but it could mean that he doesnt have the look of a high fashion model but those belonging to the catalogues like the A&F catalague. By the way, have you seen a sample of that catalogue online? My gawd..I've never seen so much bare a*s and covered boobs with the models in a state of half dress and err..no dress...that Im thinking..'THIS..is a fashion catalogue?!' No wonder eyebrows were raised and some people actually read the catalogue like some kind of soft porn magazine!
Me? I seriously have no problem with it..despite my complains..heh. They're still hunky what!
And I do agree with some of the commentators that one of the things that makes Ronnie back to the bottom 3 is because he's not trying hard enough to break out of Ben's shadow to prove to the judges (or..er..wannabe judges coz THEY put him at the bottom 3) what he is made of. Okay, fine they're best friends now...pfft....but like I said this is a contest and he should be more flexible in trying to partner up with some other models in the competition besides Ben so that they can see for themselves that he's capable in pulling off different looks and attitude.
So if he gets out of the (fingers crossed...eyes crossed) bottom 3 curse, I think he should start doing that and stop running to Ben in joint partnership in the future challenges because Ben is getting better and unfortunately, that isnt quite rubbing in his way..err..no pun intended. Ben started off rocky and Ronnie has been helping him out a lot and even though that fella doesnt backstab him ala Survivor to get on top of the game but through his sheer hard work, I just think the best thing he can do for his friend and for him to stay on longer in the show is to lay off him for now.
Ronnie, dont fret. That outfit they put you in and the makeup you wore in the photo were gross so it's not entirely your fault. But still....you cant lose out that fast Ronnie! You are so lovable and not fake (which you agree too) like some of the other contestants and so they deserve to be out.
Maybe..........it's time for you to play dirty a bit? Hey, judging from past Reality tv contestant winners, they're not exactly the 'all favourite' either and since this is a competition, you have to turn up a notch too. So if your next strategy is not playing the nice guy anymore, so be it! And oh, you know what will be the best first step? You dropping Ben. That's it man..you'll be back in the game.
I believe in you Ronnie!
Friday, February 15, 2008
A Happy Valentine's Day!!
I spent the night 'celebrating' this event napping on the couch on top of my big black handbag and a stack of papers from two days ago because I was too freaking tired to clear them. Though Im not posted to somewhere far this time for the past few days for my field work, well I have my share of late nighters and I predict tonight will be one of those nights. I want to say that I suffer from imsomnia, it will probably be not one of those chronic cases because I dont have trouble falling asleep compared to back then during my 'honeymoon' period when I was not working while awaiting for THE day to start work.
Anyhoo, whether or not I take a quick nap, like what Mariah says, Valentine's Day can be so overrated at times. Sure, it is a celebration of love but it doesnt equate to spending so much freaking money. A picnic, anyone?
I dont know if it's just me or what but the valentine's day celebration this time has been a little quiet. Honestly, I dont really see many couples walking around with huge bouquets but just basically screaming excited bunch of girls carrying..say..a bag of flowers in stalks probably given by schoolmates who are merely celebrating friendship day. I only know they were pretty annoying when they gather together and making so much noise in the already small and cramped bus stop that my colleagues and I were practically standing behind the ad shelter to so called save our ears. This young colleague of mine was like saying that this is an all girls' school so they probably just get these flowers from their female classmates so whats the big deal with the noise?! Haha...
Talking about my colleague, well she's celebrating this year's Valentine's Day with a new boyfriend but in her own words, he's in 'lock up'...in other words...army camp.
Oh, about my previous entry, yup..my interview with MOE was successful (finally! no more of that yearly trip to the headquarters for any interviews..getting tired already). But I still have to make that one trip again next week to sign the relevant documents which they called it as AF or *something* formalities. ..if Im not wrong. Not very good with abbreviations..or big words.
So...my experience with a private company lasts all of one month and a half only before toiling back for the govt again. The only setback is that my pay will be slightly lesser since a ministry isn't exactly a profit making company. But it's also slightly lesser by twenty dollars plus than the one I earned at HPB which is the only downside I found. I could only attribute to two factors of which one of them is because I will be under probation so it makes sense to lower the salary a bit like that before increasing it after a year of service and good conduct with them. Another one is because HPB is a statutory board of which it is independent from the ministry but it gets grants for their projects so the pay is different.
Still whatever it is, like what my colleague pointed out, at least it's not a big difference like one hundred or two hundred over dollars. And another thing (which I failed to see earlier), I dont have to travel a lot anymore so I will be saving money in transport costs and therefore it will not be to a disadvantage for me.
Because of the rapport I have with my current colleagues, whether I know them for a few years already or from last year only, they have expressed their concerns that they are very sad about it yet happy for me. So far I only told my team members and another team and even though they feel happy for me, I realised that they didnt really want to talk about me leaving because they said they're pretty sensitive about it. We are like family already so it's really difficult for us to let go of the bond formed throughout the years through thick and thin.
Gawd I sound so drama about it. This colleague of mine who only joined us this week but I had worked with her at HPB last year before she was deployed to the nurses' school team was like really sad about it. She said that she looked forward to working with this company because she enjoys working with us based on her experience last year and especially with me. And she was like..why do I have to go when she just joined. So I had a heart to heart talk with her just now..of all places..in the library...that it's something I have to do and I've been wanting a change for so long. Frankly speaking I dont hate this job and the current arrangements (except maybe..the higher probability of having to work with certain colleagues that I have gleefully avoided the last few years). But she was like....they are going to rearrange what..and it's going to be better. Uhm, understandable lah I have to do a lot of explaining to her because she's only 21 so you know the deal.
Anyway, I said that well....after doing something so specialized and pretty simple for the last five years, it can be tiring. Besides, this current job is so specialized that I have been trying to find other jobs before but to no avail. Besides, I dont even have any formal qualification in it but a measely piece of paper stating that I completed their training which is based on my current work only. Unlike her, she has her training in nursing so it's not going to be difficult for her to find a job. Im no optometrist or optician..yet, Im doing vision screening. Neither do they think that we are capable of doing something else because our job is that specialized. People can make the assumption easily and quickly dismiss me as such without a second thought on whether I should make the cut and Im not surprised if I dont. Even MOE was pretty sceptical about it too and had to call back once again to check through if I ever do admin work in this line.
My other ex colleagues, when they find a job outside, i can tell you they got the job mostly not because they worked in this department. They got it because of experience working prior to joining HPB. For example, one worked before as a patients associate in the KKH and despite working with us for five years also, she found a job at another hospital only because she had experience working in one before. The more recent one also found a job in an accounting firm also because of prior experience before HPB when she worked for a similar firm.
For me, I dont have anything to fall back on except a short stint at the revenue house, all of two months, so to me when granted with this opportunity, you think I want to back off from it? Hell no. It took me five years of working experience before people think seriously of my working capabilities. Even this depends on luck because they can only shortlist a number of people and despite the HR department of my previous employer setting a shoutout that they have a few staffs who are interested, it is up to them if they want to interview us or not.
So, whether to this girl or to my other long term colleagues, I already told them that I dont hate this job or the vastly difference working environment compared to the 'cushy' HPB. We had staff who left declaring us off as sworn enemies and seeing us as 'losers' still stuck in that department. Serious. It's like they dont want to have ANYTHING to do with us or this department like as if their years of working with HPB dont bring food to the table or put their children through education.
Like what my mum says, why the heck they want to be jealous of my pay or my slightly higher post than them? It's good enough they are still earning money and if they are unhappy, go upgrade themselves lah. Why put other people down? I told my mum that I am upset about it at times when I get hurtful remarks behind my back or even infront of me. I hear things like...oh..she has A level but she's doing a job of an O level...and also..'oh, im not that smart like you because I only have O level..so what do I know'. I dont segregate myself from them because despite the brouhaha over my qualification, Im still nothing compared to them when it comes to experience.
Plus, when they ask my help very often which sometimes frustrate me because Im the type of person if you dont at least try and work things out first, dont bother asking help so fast (which I try to instil in my brother), I dont refuse them point blank. Even though I find myself on repeat mode and guiding them through every freaking small step which I think they are capable of but simply too lazy to think through, I dont scream at them like I do to my brother.
I treat them with respect partly because they are older than me so you see how it goes if the very same people say hurtful things about me? Of course i feel hurt but i bear no hard feelings towards them.
My mum doesnt like my colleagues that much because of the backstabbing and the jealousy they have among one another. She does like one colleague of mine only throughout the years because she's the only one who doesnt bear these trademarks and she always have wise things to say, and funny ones as well, in even the most serious situations.
So you see where Im going? I really really am nervous about this change of job because it's going to be something brand new to me and a culture shock. But I know it's for the better and it's more stable unlike the current one which is project-based and dont know how long it can pull through because this company is only in it because they think it has the potential to make money. But what if it doesnt because obviously, there is no such thing as trial test and they're just jumping in it and see how it goes.
Oh well....at least now I dont have to worry about the uncertainty anymore and yet again, I thank God for answering my prayer for that much needed change in my life.
Thursday, February 14, 2008
See..I told you the begging is successful...after..uhm..five long years.
Im so looking forward to cheap canteen food and cheap transport costs!
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
Okay, that is not the concern. Valentine's Day is coming and if you feel like you're being smothered to death by couples everywhere carrying huge bouquets of flowers or huge teddy bears (which to me equates to huge dust collectors), well, you're not alone. It's almost intoxicating and Im not even talking about being jealous here. To me, it's okay because the only date I am anticipating right now is on the 20th when I will be receiving my first full pay with this company. Now THAT's REAL LOVE!!
Uhm, being money minded aside, I er..had a little freak accident just now after work as I got down the bus in a hurry. No, I am okay although pretty 'scarred' a bit emotionally but since i assume no one witnessed it, I guess I can still survive and walking along pretty long stretches of walkways kinda cleared up my shell shock moment earlier.
But I didnt anticipate it and I will be more careful next time. Or die from embarassment.
Yesterday I read a fellow single girl columnist in the papers and she was talking about the exorbitant price tags of valentine's day packages. It made sense to make money on V Day because apparently, many guys still assume that when they spend a LOT of money on the girl, it will be like an ultimate declaration of love. Well, can I be that lucky girl? Heh..apparently, I dont ask for much either. Just give me a box of dark chocolates for me to stuff myself with and Im happy so long as it was not me who bought the chocolates coz I live by this unwritten rule that eating chocolates is okay...as long as I didnt buy them or they're given as gifts. Go figure.
I mean, Valentine's Day is a celebration of love alright but do you seriously need to spend hundreds of dollars on a bouquet of red roses that are probably going to die in mere days? But if you have the extra cash, my laptop is in dire need of a new turbo speed graphics card right now...so.......
Hey, at least I can do a hundred and one things with that refurbished laptop, no?
I guess everybody has their own idea of THE perfect Valentine's Day. It obviously doesnt exist in my life so I have no freaking idea what I want out of this sorrowful...I mean...so called special day because basically, I still have to go to work, I still have to buy groceries back home and I still have to read my daily dose of entertainment news on the net. I think back in my even younger days, uhm..precisely, in my teens, I was surrounded by too much fluff and too much anticipation for something that is never going to happen as I was caught up in my own dream world of a guy or guys I was crushing on asking me out on a date.
Nevertheless, I was naive and even went as far as roaming through internet chatrooms and phone dating services to find at least a boyfriend. Well, that never happened though many times came close to it until I realised they were a bunch of lovesick psychos and it was probably a good thing I woke up to reality...fast. So much so, being boyfriend-less now is no big deal for me although there are rare moments when I wished I had one...especially if he is the sort who will spend crazy money on a crazy valentine's day package for moi...hehe. I suppose the 'fluff' has never quite left me, eh?
Hrm, actually I have this idea on what to write about in my weekly column over at my friendster. So I havent been out on date before......and I havent received a single sincere gift from a guy before either too over the years. Bummer right? It's as if my taste is so freaking exquisite..like geez..Im not even asking for an expensive box of chocolates..haha..
Once that is up, I let you know. Meanwhile the blog is at the side profile box if you want to do some sniffin' on what it is like being all single mingle..
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
Monday, February 11, 2008
hrm..it's nice to hear someone thinks I have a nice face in the c box but the following remarks after that was pretty ambiguous so I dont quite know what it means. Anyway, I am happy today...my team was given the go ahead to 'go home' at freaking 12 o'clock in the afternoon! Wow, if every day life is like this, I dont want to quit this job. You know, being in a team where your working colleagues are a pleasure to work with, going to work in the morning can be a pleasant thing. I look forward to it every day. That or Im all psyched up after successfully covering my eye bags from a lack of sleep and looking fresh as if I just come out straight from the shower.
Talking about colleagues, I just want to drop a bit of bad news that I have a falling out with a colleague of mine which I had dubbed her before as a good friend. Unfortunately, I am slowing taking it all back, despite knowing her on good terms for the last five years. Like it or not, people change for the better or for worse. I dont want to recall the incident except to just blame it all on a simple misunderstanding but as I dive deeper into it, I realise that it is more than that. Yes, Mariah called me a wimp for crying over it but Im crying not because I was upset but I was angry at how I was being treated which spelt nothing but 'childish and immature'. I thought this kind of thing only juveniles will do but apparently, Im wrong and Im back to feeling all awful like how I used to feel back then and they're not exactly worth revisiting.
To cut the story short, even if I am going to be on speaking terms with her, I guess things have definitely changed. Between me and Mariah, we have called her unpleasant names and I have made unpleasant remarks. This is a vast change from what I have deemed her to be and all the kind things I have said about her.
Sometimes, it is incidents like this that can make one realise what a fool one can be sometimes and who, among the friends, are the real gems.
Apart from that, my life has not exactly gone through some major changes. Uhm, except realising short looking blouses dont look good when worn with a rather puffy skirt. They will look better when wearing it with an A line skirt instead. Yes, my mum helped to make me realise my mistake because I can be so blinded with a bad fashion sense without even realising it. See, I dont call myself fashion impaired for nothing.
Oh, and another thing, I have begun to 'revisit' my very small collection of heels. I love shoes but Im not shoe-crazy. Why this sudden revisitation because I think wearing the same ol' pair of sandals dont do good to my feet in the long term and this bad habit of mine make my feet look like they're permanently 'stained' with tanlines. They are quite unsightly but easily corrected by varifying the shoes that I wear. I blogged recently about two new pairs of heels I bought recently and guess what? The shopping centre I frequent on weekends is having this CNY sales in the atrium and it is selling shoes from my fav band..URS! At less than 20 bucks! So..eurgh..'geram'! or so 'I-want-to-have-one!'
But, I cant always give in to my own personal demands especially if I have acquired the two new pairs recently. My mum saw it just now when I went there for the third time and she said it looked like the others that I already had. Such a party pooper. Still, she's right and I have to stop acting like a baby and move on with other important things in life...IF..I can get away from the image of the shoes in my head. I recently also saw a top from Dorothy Perkins selling at a mere 13 bucks! I can just grab and go without a blink of the eye but it does look suspiciously like a number of tops I already have in the wardrobe except for the colour and the end of the sleeves.
However, the bottom line is that, the money is best spent elsewhere instead. Haiz, it's always about THE family. Sometimes I do wish that I am not the sole breadwinner of the family. But it's already written in my fate whether I like it or not and as much as I struggle with this role sometimes, it does give me room to breathe and make me more mature beyond my age by placing more emphasis on the important things in life . Hrmph, Im talking about a certain SOMEONE of my age who recently threw a tantrum.
Plus the fact that Im taking care of my brother who is getting a bit more demanding nowadays because he's growing up to be a teenager. He is a bit upset that he cant get a new phone to replace his current one or why cant he get to buy certain devices to make his experimentations based on what he learnt on the net. To me, it's all empty talk and he knows Im not paying attention which makes him more frustrated. I told him that the value in US dollars is way different from ours and over here, it will cost much more. He then realises that Im not kidding (unlike my usual self whenever he asks me questions and Im too lazy to answer and just drop any silly things in my head) when he saw the prices at a certain computer shop.
See, that boy is becoming a techno geek but he must know this is an expensive hobby which I cannot afford. Although initially I was upset he was not recruited into the Infocomm Club because I know he is capable, maybe it was a blessing in disguise. Since he was already in art club in primary school, I guess that was why he was recruited into the Art and Photography Club instead and of which he chose Art as the main co-curricular activity because I had already warned him that I was not going to buy him a new camera just for that. I thought that he was just going to ignore me like he always do but then, he did listen this time.
Okay, frankly speaking, I did want to buy a camera the beginning of this year but dropped this idea because I thought it is not of necessity right now. I dont know....nowadays, my thinking is often geared into thinking about the future for my family like if there is going to be food on the table every single day. No doubt Im still working and supporting the family with the monthly salary but in Singapore right now, everything is more expensive than they used to be.
Sadly, because of this expensive lifestyle of ours, many people chose to be single as having a family in the future is not easy. To me, I have a few reasons why I am not putting myself on the chopping block of marriage right now but definitely, that is one of the reasons too. It may be easier to fall in love, get married and have a family but how long are we able to sustain the family because very soon the children are going to get demanding and everything is going to be so costly. I dont think they will like it if you keep on denying what they want.
Even my brother, of whom I give ten bucks every month after my pay complains that in secondary life, I need to double that. Now before you call me a stingy and mean sister to him because I give so little, I am already supporting him in other aspects like his transport and his pre paid card for his handphone. Plus, that boy doesnt even buy food or drinks in school and so far, that ten bucks I give him goes towards buying stationery goods like exercise books that dont quite cost much.
Okay, I understand his stand about his pocket money and I try to accomodate to it. The problem is that it still doesnt change that we come from a single income family. I will see what I can do about it when I get my pay next week in full instead of the partial one I got last week from one week's worth of work.
All this thing is giving me a headache. All I need is a good rest right now, physically and mentally, before going into telly mode at ten watching an episode of Heroes.
I almost could not attend the wedding because my two close friends had other plans but instead I got a call that morning itself from another friend who was also invited. Then we thought what the heck..we should go together but unfortunately, the dress that I was planning to wear was frowned upon by my mother and I ended up wearing a grey and dull looking top which to me looks great but definitely not for a wedding.
Anyhoo, it is nice to take note that this is a couple that goes way back since pre university days. Sweet right? They look pretty much the same since the last time we saw them back in maybe..2002 or 2003. But of course, over this period of time, we have matured and our looks changed including theirs even though they are still recognisable and I swear I look older now. I do miss my more youthful look but ironically, back then, I thought I had always looked older and apparently, many people usually added years to my age guessing that I was in my late twenties. So that didnt help either.
Yet now, people think I just left school and embarking on a new job until I told them I have been in this line for the last five years.
But nevermind about me. About the wedding, the food was good with the typical Indian dishes and what was more amazing at how fast the queue formed the minute the last tray was placed on the table. Talk about a hungry crowd.
Anyway, wanna congratulate them and hopefully their marriage lasts a long time. I cant wish for eternity because that would mean a VERY long time but you know what i mean.
Oh, before I start, let me make some entertainment news update which is quite a shocker..
Ronnie Kroell (yes, that man of the month on the sidebar), is finally, in the bottom three! Yes, apparently I talked about how unfocus he has been with a bit of distraction from Ben whom he dubbed as his biggest competitor but then at the same time, hoping he will be around as long as possible. If you're new to my blog, Im talking about Make me a Supermodel which you can find out more when you click on the link. You can even read the blogs over there and I can tell Ronnie has a HUGE fan base which also agree that he has been distracted but nevertheless still want him in the game and which I read that they actually voted the max of 30 times the minute they found out he was in the bottom three.
I guess they cant bear to see him all so sad and puppy dog looking eh?
Anyway, happy belated birthday to you Ronnie. And that makes you like what...one year younger than me? Please, dont remind me. I hate to drop this bomb but as good looking as you are, I dont quite think you have the look of a high fashion but we shall see. But fortunately, Ronnie is very likeable unlike the rest which makes the audience swoon over him so unlike the other show America's Next Top Model, maybe he stands a good chance. Provided he doesnt screw up again.
Okay, back to my life. As you know Im a TV geek but despite that, my weekend is pretty boring because I dont have anything to look forward to watch on the telly. CSI:Miami, which I have been watching for the last few years, has ended its season 5 run and I could watch the reruns but this season has been quite a bore and almost forgettable with its shift on characters like Eric Delko and Ryan Wolfe having very bad days. Unless you think Im upset just because we're not talking about Horatio Caine here which is arguably my favourite character...uhm..one liners and all.
Oh, did you know he just started his own company called Lexicon which is a technology based one sorta like Apple Inc? See, the man is not only productive in the fertile department (he co-produced a baby after the age of 50 for gawd's sake) but is venturing into a business in the booming technology industry. And guess who made the discovery and watched the video pod, my brother. I have a story on him on a later post.
Well, Ugly Betty has ended its run and that reminds me, I have yet to read the recap on the last episode from Season 2 and Brothers and Sisters Season 2 is down to its last two episodes and so far the last few episodes have been boring and even the fans thought so because it is leaning too much towards politics. Rob Lowe plays this character as Senator Robert McCallister who is now in the middle of a presidential run, controversies and all, but the only McCallister people are interested in is his brother Jason which have yet to make an appearance ever since the first episode. He went to Malaysia to help build houses (seriously, Malaysia needs help to build houses?! If it is Cambodia, it makes sense) and didnt drop a phonecall to our dear Kevin which led him straight in the arms of his former boyfriend Scottie.
I like Scottie but if you ask me to choose between Scottie and Jason, it's a tough call. Well, Scottie is a rather emotional person which gets on my nerves at times like 'come on! be a man!' sorta way but he's cute. Then again, Jason's cute too. I hate Kevin. Speaking of which, even when the episodes have not been aired yet, rumour has it that he chose Scottie. Well, good for him.
Hrm, what else. Oh, Supernatural. You know what, I feel like cheating. I feel like borrowing the entire box set of Supernatural Season 2 and then watching it here on my computer because anything on channel 5 takes a bloody long time to screen but nope, I guess I can wait. Well, heard that it has been renewed and Season 3 is in the making. Season 2 shifts its focus on the boys and the relationship with each other after the loss of their father who sold his soul to the devil. Well, the bond that they share is tested a lot of times in this season because of Sam's fate as one of the chosen ones of Satan which explains why he has this gift of premonition of people about to die. Morbid, right? I wouldnt want that sort of premonition. I dont want to reveal the spoiler but in true big brother style, Dean made a pact. With who? Well, you have to watch the next few episodes. Or borrow the entire box set.
Well, Heroes ended its Season 2 run last December in the US but its loyal fans were apparently not happy as to how Heroes started off in the first eight episodes. Even the cast members agreed that they were a bit 'off' in the storylines. I mean, pfft....Sylar, voted the most favourite villain on tv, deemed powerless in the entire season? You've got to be kidding! Well, anyhoo, it is speculated that they are going to rewrite the entire season 2 and calling it volume II but how it progresses, depends on the writers' strike.
If you have been keeping up with the news, there is a writer's strike going on in the US which is so serious that even the Golden Globes is reduced to merely reading out the names of the winners in a press conference. No glitz and glamour. Apparently, it could end any minute now but the writers have been very hard core and no decision has been finalised yet.
If you have cable, there is a new sci fi show called Bionic Woman. It's a remake of the classic based on modern times about a woman who, after a freak car accident, is turned into a half cyborg with artificial limbs and eye that are almost indestructible. They gave her super agility, super strength and an x ray vision. Since it is a first season, you will see her exploring her new found powers but despite the show going off to a good start, apparently viewers complained that it is a drag watching the show as it went misaligned a bit with more focus on her relationship with her boyfriend. Oh, by the way it is HER boyfriend who turned her into a freak..I mean..bionic woman.
Hrm, what do I want on telly right now? Besides the obvious Make me a Supermodel, perhaps...Project Runway? Hopefully after Season 7 run in the US, they will show it in Singapore. How can I not be excited about it? In one episode, they made pretty dresses out of Hershey's chocolates! I want a dress I can eat out of it!
Over the Chinese New Year holidays, I have been watching Six Feet Under. Though not in full, the video clips do satisfy my tv hunger a bit and made me learn more about the characters. Make me curse over the fact on why the heck I never watched the show back then when they had the trailers on as well as on billboards at bus stops nearby my home no less. I like David Fisher. He is the middle sibling who dress all geeky and very much into the family business as the funeral director but he does try to have a life outside his job, though it does land him in trouble at times and easily forced to do things by others like taking drugs. He is SO funny when he is in trance like dancing like some crazed guy in the club when he got high on ecstasy.
I like how the show, which by the way at one point won Best Drama at the Golden Globes before, explore the vulnerabilities of the characters and yet at the same time, show a comical side to them as they have these moments where you just want to laugh your head off. David Fisher may seem uptight but he at times wished he was some Broadway performer, which by the way is his secret dream, if not for the family business that he is in. At times, you can see him living out his dream as his mind trails off somewhere whenever he is stuck in a situation he wishes he isnt in.
Well.......the drama ended and in his obituary (all the main characters would die one by one in the alternate future), it did say that he did accomplish his dream to be a well known performer and passed his business to his adopted son whom he taught the ropes at a young age. Unlike his older brother Nate who died in his thirties due to a terminal illness, he did live up to a ripe old age and died pretty quickly with a heart attack. Not only did he achieve his dream to become a performer, despite the glitches in his life, he did manage to live out his ideal life.
Shows like this are hard to find making Desperate Housewives nothing but a piece of _____. Oh by the way, Rachel Griffiths who is a regular on Brothers and Sisters, was one of the characters on Six Feet Under. And the very talented Michael C Hall who played David Fisher, is now in Dexter which is also doing very well. He's a very serious looking guy which is to his advantage but dont be fooled by his exterior because he can play out the various emotions really well that you can almost feel for his character.
Well, that's TV geek special for you!
Tuesday, February 05, 2008
Jonas Brothers When you look me in the eyes
Colby Calleit Realize
If I have time this week, these songs along with some others will be placed at the sidebar.
Yah, talking about money, since my pay is going to be late since I joined the company pretty late in the month in January, I have to be careful about my spending. Although, like I mentioned in an earlier post, I would be getting some form of pay for a slightly more than a week's worth of work and infact, I did. It was good enough to recuperate the money I spent on paying the utilities bills and other miscellaneous bills. But of course, the bit of pay that I got also went into paying for my internet and cable bills. It was quite a headache still..coz since I have not official got the real deal of a salary yet, in full that is, I have been a bit off in terms of paying the bills because I do not want to jeopardize my family's daily needs as well. It is so hard to maintain a family especially if this is a single income family and that income comes from me.
Actually, I do want to blog more but today's journey has been tiring because the places were pretty far and I had to travel to more than one place. So my eyes could hardly be opened up. Im just passing the time to upload some music for mariah. And the uploading takes centuries so might as well pass the time for a bit.
Oh, but I managed to spend some time on my facebook which I have been abandoning for more than a week or so.
Yup, it's ready..and I better post the links up before my eyes are fully shut. Now they're half shut.
Sunday, February 03, 2008
Let's just hope for the best. So yah, despite the scare fest with the blood test (oh.my.gawd..that so rhymes!) where it was a mere prick but enough to send me 'flying' minutes later, I think I might have pulled through. Except for this suspicion that I might have thyroid coz of my little difficulty of swallowing my saliva due to my nervousness and my pretty bad throat that went through sores pretty often when I was younger.
Anyhoo, it was a good thing she came with me to the check up coz I think would crumble under the pressure of going alone. Im independent..but Im a wussy when it comes to medical check ups.
My colleague was saying that if we were to get this job, it means one thing: we are going to miss our dear colleagues. Okay, I know what she means but over the years, I went through this sort of feeling before. Now I feel that I am more ready than ever to move on so the part where I am supposed to miss my colleagues..is almost gone. But of course, Im not that heartless and I will miss them for sure.
But I dont want to talk much about this future event for now until I get my final confirmation as to whether I will leave behind my current job and colleagues and go on to this prospective employer.
Well, after the check up, we were hungry and thought that maybe we should grab a bite. She was just talking about some colleague of ours backstabbing our new supervisor (but coming from her, it's no surprise..I never liked her anyway) and then she thinks that we cannot be trusted. See lah, there goes our reputation and then because of this, everyone will be affected. Please, dont be so selfish and think that we all think the same way as you do so dont voice out stating that you're speaking on behalf of everybody. Sometimes, I dont get this kind of people who run the show in their own manner, shutting out everyone else, and then if a problem crops up, they are the first person to run or chuck the problem to someone else. And Im not even talking about someone who is in her twenties and often says that she is a 'recycled virgin' just because she is divorced..wtf.
Enough about office politics. Anyway, I do miss hanging out with this colleague of mine ever since we were separated last year due to the cluster system. She's a charming girl who is pretty in her own ways and with a great fashion style and always have me in awe of her. Now I have probably said this a few times already but I wish Im a bit like her and not fashion impaired like I am right now. Plus, she is not on the small side though she is petite but she dresses well enough and has this 'who cares' aura that she just oozes charm. Where else for me, I can be a bit paranoid sometimes over body issues that can be a bit of an overkill.
She is an inspiration to me, in that manner. Yesterday, she was a bit under dressed though still oozes that same sex appeal especially when she wears that skinny fitting pants with a jeans like material and with a giordano green shirt and a black cardigan. When we were out of the building and crossing over to go to City Hall, in less than five minutes, Malay guys (who are very much..uneducated...hrmph..) were teasing her while they were driving past in the van, and as we finished crossing, the building cleaners were wolf whistling at her making her remark to me that there are so many 'burung tiong' (mynahs) in the morning. I was like...well..'hari nak hujan' (it's going to rain soon) and then after crossing the road and starting our walk again, another Malay guy cleaner who was mopping outside the bank building, he started serenading her with an old Malay love song.
Oh, I suppose I mentioned that all this was within a space of less than five minutes? Can you believe that?!!
I want to get one wolf whistle also difficult..not that Im wishing for one from these imbeciles...
See what I mean when I say that she oozes sex appeal even when in this instance, she under dresses compared to other days. Anyway, I said the attention was directed at her because they get it figured out fast that she's malay while people take time to ascertain my race and certainly not from a pretty far distance. But it's okay, anything to get rid of unwanted attention.
OH! OH! I got two new pair of heels! Well, I have not bought a pair ever since july 2007. Why is that? Okay besides the obvious fact that I lacked the ka-ching-ching, the last pair I bought was pretty disasterous coz I bought it on impulse and did not wear it until recently. And Im not someone who is addicted to shoes and dont often vary them as part of personal style coz of field work which requires me to walk quite a lot. Oh, about the last pair..okay..make it two coz I suddenly remembered, it was two pairs actually.
Okay fine I like it though the heels are a bit steep but heck, if it's on sale seventeen dollars only, who cares. But it was the other one that I had some prob with coz the sales promoter was quite irritating as she was hovering around me and I ended up buying a pretty ill fitting one.
So I had to buy a new one..er...seven months later..coz I only wore it last Thursday and it was pretty bad though pretty nice looking. The bows sold me out when I bought it the other time. I bought a new one last Friday that so called compensated for it coz I didnt think Im going to wear it again and recently I had thrown quite a lot of pairs away as they were worn out. I didnt expect to buy yet another one yesterday coz I wore the ill fitting one and my feet felt like they were on fire and I had to make a long distance journey to buy food for the family.
But okay, fine, it was on sales and I managed to get a pair for under twenty bucks from URS, my usual shopping hunt for shoes. It is not exactly the design that I would buy but since it is simple enough and for sale for half the price, I bought it. If my feet were not aching, I would have bought that green top from Dorothy Perkins instead at 13 bucks only but alas, I was not about to let my feet suffer for another sec...haiz.
Yah, I had to backtrack a bit to the medical check up part. Apparently, I thought that i had been so nervous about the impending jab (which turned out to be just a prick) and mistaken a tube looking like a syringe to collect my blood sample, I almost misplaced my IC or identity card. I put in the wrong compartment of my wallet so when I was about to pay and saw the usual slot for the card was empty, I panicked.
I calmed down five minutes later after frantically searching the whole of my wallet and then as I looked at my wallet yet again, I saw a bulge in the ez link compartment which I had not looked in yet. Sure enough, my IC was there.
Very the drama, you know!
And I had not even covered the part on the trail of thoughts that followed when I first thought I lost my IC down to the point of how much I had to pay for its loss and then how it is going to affect my budget. I was already angry for myself for being careless and this carelessness involves money which piss me off more than the fact that I will be without identification. Yah, the money part is always the most important.
So anyway, back to work tomorrow and I will be covering Woodlands for the first time though just half a day. And then I have to report to the other work base in Choa Chu Kang which has pretty tight security. By the way, now my team has an additional member. Hrm, maybe God is gearing me up for a smooth departure once I leave so there is less complication? I dont know if I mentioned this already but they are also taking in two new people which are also my ex colleagues.
Like I always say, hope..for the? What I say? Yes...Best! All of you had finally got it.
Anyway, I like this song. Im not a country music fan but I kinda like this band called Rascal Flatts. And then now they have this song playing on the airwaves right now and I think it is very beautiful.
And im being so nice and letting you download the song off my blog! woohoo!!
If you like it, download it...im going to sound lame but..it's as easy as A-B-C! If you know your alphabets, that is.
Just go this link to download:
Rascal Flatts What hurts the most
Saturday, February 02, 2008
What the hell are you doing Ronnie?!! I know he's cute (the one I said looked like Wenty) but dang..you're in a bloody competition!!
Ronnie's been a bad..bad boy..
If he cannot stop flirting, Im so gonna move on to Perry who is obviously more freaking dedicated to professional modelling than YOU!
GET OVER IT!
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