Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Love Can Wait

Despite going through some financial difficulties this month, I dont think I can actually survive through this week at least without the kind help of my friends. It's really heartwrenching to me to know that they do not hesitate to help me even though money is involved because u know how people are when it comes to money issues but I would understand. While I lamented that God does not love me, I suppose it's just His way of telling me that He still remembers me even though He is giving me such a hard time right now.

Anyway, that aside, I was thinking for a bit about my non existent love life. No Im not going to drop another complain but like I was said, I was doing a bit of thinking. I dont know if it is a good thing or a bad thing for me not to have any guys interested in me. I suppose I have a lot of issues with myself that I have to deal with first before one fine day, a guy will have the guts to ask me out for a movie at least. I know no one is perfect but I think a lot of imperfections that I have about myself can be rectified but I think for now, there are other things that are preoccupying my mind that are worth more attention.

When it comes to my personality, I suppose Im only 'qualified' to be a guy's good the type who they confide in because they have this unspoken trust with me. It will be sorta weird, for me at least, for a guy to casually ask me out for a movie or dinner, but has some other girl in mind. But I suppose it should be a non issue unless I have a crush on the guy too and it will be rather awkward for me.

Rather than having to deal with such situations, I think my non existent love life is justified but Im a girl, I have needs too like wondering how it's like to be showered with attention from a guy who has an interest in me. But I guess I'll never know.

Still, being a girl, I dont believe in latching myself to guys in hoping that one of these fine gentlemen will sit up and take notice of me. I mean I dont believe in forcing a guy to love me or give me attention unless Im seriously desperate. Or delusional. To me, love has to come naturally and although at times, I may be a bit bewildered at how fast people hook up or even make marriage plans already despite barely knowing each other for a year, there aren't really any hard and fast rules about love.

Speaking of love, Im currently obssessed with one of the American daytime soap drama and despite a few hiccups with the supporting characters (I think even an idiot can read between the lines of what a person is implying when they're talking as a third party), it's one of those storylines that are well written. I may not be experiencing real life love right now but Im still flustered at the impending romance that will come to light soon next month. Aah..the bliss of being in love. Well, at least for an onscreen couple.

post signature

Saturday, July 25, 2009

Hanging On

I seriously hate to be in such difficult predicament. Sometimes I dunno why God saddle me with such a heavy burden on my shoulders that it's making my life difficult. I also dunno if He does it out of love or he is just playing a cruel trick on me. Anyway, if it's not for my supportive network of friends, I think I will be a goner. My family only knows how to make noise instead of making efforts to do something about it. But no matter what, I think that during tough times like this, there will be a rainbow at the end of it all.

Im still sour over the fact that this month I did not get my bonus...making me quite regret the fact that I quit for a supposedly greener pasture. It's also no point wishing for something that obviously I didnt get and putting me in a tight spot like this. Other people may have it harder than me like losing a job and with no financial means to pay off the bills and support the family. But let us all not lose hope. Hang in there.

post signature

Sunday, July 19, 2009

Disappointing Morning

What a disappointing morning! I woke up slightly late..and would have still have time to get up and dress up for gym but my mum had to occupy the toilet at the wrong time. And I know that doesnt sound like a bad thing..but if you have a toilet hygiene clean freak like mine, she takes FOREVER to be in the toilet. By the time she finished, it was like almost 9. See I was not exaggerating when I said she would take a long time.

Even though on Sundays, the public gym opens later at 9am, I have to be there slightly after 9am, and latest by 9.30am because if not, the bloody exercise obsessed hoarders will occupy the machines and take their own sweet time getting off the machines even though those things are timed.And usually, I would be able to use the machines but it's usually useless after 11am because by then, queues will start to form. If I am early, I would be satisfied coz I get to be on most of the machines before that. Unfortunately, this morning was not the case. In order not to waste my effort despite having to skip gym coz Im not going to waste my money and then not able to utilise the machines, I decided to take a long walk.

I thought of jogging at the nearby stadium but ah...Im not mentally prepared yet. Furthermore, that stadium is also the home of one of the local football clubs (dunno which not football fan) and I saw some of them doing their practise. So it would be rather embarassing seeing me jog at an incredibly slow snail pace. However, I would seriously like to give it a go. Slow or least it's an attempt to jog. I just hope those people jogging pass by me would not pass me snide remarks or offer encouraging remarks. I encountered those before and it's pretty irritating and I would rather remark at them to bloody mind their own business, nevermind their intentions were good. Or not.

Another disappointing thing is that after a month of waiting, the hotdog promotion at 1901 that sells chicken and beef frankfurts seems to be over. They did not put up the stand that said their American Texas hotdog sells for only 1.30 and I thought of asking if they forgot to put it out or they had scrapped the know...given...cheapskate people like me would have made them lose business or something (although it's just once a freaking month). I can't ask the girl at the counter too coz that one is a China girl and her English vocabs are only limited to taking orders and not queries.Im not being a racist against them but it' s the damn truth..

Yet another disappointment! I happend to be at a Starhub roadshow and they were having phone and internet promotions. One of the promotions was the same as the one at the recently ended PC Show at Suntec City of which recontracting or new sign ups for a certain internet plan will get them a free netbook. Of course I was pretty excited but it was only limited to 50 first sign ups. And guess what? It had not even officially started at 11am but they had already started to give queue numbers to people and by then I think all 50 netbooks would have been snapped up already.

Sigh......can my morning get even worse than this? You know what...whatever the circumstances were this morning, it pale in comparison to my constant worry of how am I going to survive the family with this mere leftover of my pay. I have not been in such position since last Febuary because I had some savings to back me up. But now, I ave nothing to rely on! Im getting nervous with each passing day and my mum's constant questioning of when they will inform me once the monies have been transfered, why is it taking so long and her empty threats to march down to the court to demand for the money and to hire a lawyer if they dont release the money on time.

Im already stressed out as it is and she is adding on to my stress level. She also makes me despise blogging coz I find it rather tiring having to say the same things over and over again like there's nothing else exciting in my life right now. While my aunt has been doing her 'financial planning' as to what to do with the money she gets from my mum and also what we get, my mum is pretty worried about my uncle who will definitely come and find us and attempt to borrow a ridiculous amout of money.

So I dunno...having money is either a good thing or a bad thing. Based on past experience, sometimes it's good not to have so much money but enough to survive (or until the next pay day). Money tends to change a person. I dont want it to be the very reason my family fall apart as it almost previously did the last time. My mum and I very different handling of money and personal views can be a nuisance especially if my mum is the type who does not give in and so it will always be a losing battle.

Okay, for now, I dont care what are the repercussions later. I am going tobe like my mum and start getting agitated as to when they will contact us for the collection coz I seriosly dont want to resort to borrowing. Sigh, but if there is NOTHING else I can do if the money does not come in by this week, I guess I have to be a little thick skin then...sigh..

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Work Woes

Sigh, my apologies for not being able to update on a regular basis coz I dont know if I ever mentioned regarding my pc. It has officially died. It has served me well for more than seven years but that is like 70 years old in technology speak. I expected to last me at least ten years old although judging from my heavy usage of internet on it, 7 is still a good number.

Anyway, the only thing I am relying on to satisfy my internet craving is this laptop that is not doing me any justice either coz half of the screen cannot be seen so it's hard for me to see what I am typing. But hey, if God permits, I would be able to get either a new laptop or a new desktop before year ends.

Speaking of money, this month I did not get my bonus which sucks coz I dont know how long can my current pay last me and based on past experience, not much. For the last few months, I was able to sustain a bit coz my father's monthly retirement fund helped to ease the burden a bit but this month we didnt get coz all of his central provident fund money, including his retirement fund, had been rebursed to the public trustee for them to give to my family according to the Muslim laws. Now the first leg has been covered which was the processing on CPF side but not on the Muslim court side yet and Im crossing my fingers (and toes even) they dont take like a freaking month to do the processing. I am really nervous right now not because I want to know how much is my share...I just want to know that I have money to sustain the family expenditures for this month since my savings have run out.

Furthermore, I have a mum who doesnt care whether I have the money or not especially when she wants me to get things for her whether groceries or food. You know what...that's why I dislike blogging about my personal life right now. I am practically going round in circles with no end conclusion to my problem. How I wish I was like other people who can afford to shop and still have some disposable income left just enough to sustain them until their next pay.

Fine, I know I should have not played a lot during my schooling days. I am lucky to even pass the national exams if my brain didnt kick in at the last minute to jolly well study for the exams after being lazy for the longest time. I just dont have the study genes in me which is pretty unfortunate because if I at least make the effort to spend a longer time studying instead of doing it at the last minute, I would have got better grades and maybe a better paying job. So anyway it's pointless harping on the past. I know grades isnt everything but I am not exactly someone who has the right life skills who can troubleshoot problems and come up with the right solutions for work related problems.

I feel like I am just breezing through my job without a clear understanding of what I am doing because they have given me so far simple tasks that they can do but it's too menial for them like filing, labelling, photocopying and scanning. I know I should count myself lucky to be in that position but psychologically, it sorta gives me the impression that I am totally unreliable for them to handover the heavier stuffs. I also know I have screwed up a couple of times but I am learning what and it doesnt help that my other colleague would rather spend longer hours in the office and even come back on Saturdays to complete her work coz she refuses to let me help her as she is scared.

At my old workplace, because we have to work in teams of 2 or 3, there is a need to be quickly independent so they try to teach the ropes quickly so that we are able to do it on our own later. Here, I feel like I am being handheld throughout and even though it has been more than a year, it's like I just stepped into the office for the first few days. If they are so scared to let me handle the bigger tasks because they are more experienced than me in terms of the number of years they have been in this school, then might as well not hire me when their previous colleague retired.

Anyway, I guess I have to wait and see until the end of the year to see if there are any improvements in terms of my job scope. If they think that I am not capable enough, like for example chasing teachers for collections, then it's really pointless for me to stay there because I feel like Im not contributing at all and that I am just taking up space..or their free things.

Please dont get me wrong. It's one thing to have a job and another thing to feel like you truly belong to the job that you are in. Of course I will be sad to leave because I am in such caring environment. Look even the temp girl has more things on hand to do and she even has a part to play in the P1 registration the past two days. I was trying to help just now by helping to photocopy and then I dunno what and why and how, somehow she re-photostated again and then said nevermind she can handle it from there.

So what was my contribution? To fax two single pieces of paper for the final statistics count to submit to MOE. Oh, and pasting up some posters. Come on, it's a bloody no brainer job! They would rather put up with the temp girl who makes mistakes often because whenever my boss or my colleague gives instructions, she's half listening coz she is busy playing her online games. Then if I screwed up once this year because of an oversight, it's like they dont trust me anymore. What do you call this?

How can I not be tell me?! I feel like I am being paid for nothing. I dont want to be so overwhelmed by my job but neither do I want to be treated like a spare part at work. It's pretty embarassing whenever my friends ask me what I do at work and I cant tell them much details because there aren't a lot in the first place.

Fine, I'll stop whining for now but Im really serious in finding another job at the end of the year because currently I am not getting a job satisfaction out of this. My other option is to wait another year...coz it's only after three years then you can ask for transfer to another school. Dammit..why not two?!

Anyway it feels better after my ranting coz I am rather upset I didnt get to help out the P1 registration. Im just a spectator watching them running up and down to get things done...sigh..

post signature

Tuesday, July 07, 2009

Unreasonable Twits

Today, my colleague a.k.a the temp girl got really worked up at work over several calls. Im not implying anything but I guess she should learn that well...being tactful when talking to someone, especially with one that is obviously flared up over a certain matter prior to this, will help to not make things worse as it already is. I mean, being in the customer service line sometimes sucks when they insist things to be done their way..obviously only thinking in terms of their own benefit, or just refusing to admit defeat by even blatantly telling lies just so that they have a finger to point at.

But that's working life in the service industry. To me, it is of course frustrating when it seems to just be a one way traffic but if we always heed their words, it will be a difficult outcome for us too especially when other people will not be too happy over it. So it ultimately about weighing the pros and cons. But just how you tell the person that their suggestion is basically not a benefit in the long term, especially to one who refuses to listen, is a different story altogether.

It really really sucks...seriously. The good thing is that, among such customers with such bad attitude and who are simply too unreasonable, there are those who are really nice and polite and they make you forget for awhile that you have attended to an imbecile twit.

Anyway, I think she is really hoping to get out of there asap and being a temp girl, I suppose she doesnt really care if people find fault with her so she can jolly well do what she wants. The only thing that frustrates me is how easily she then 'pushes' the responsibility to someone else like just now, when she became angry after she apologised but the parent kept on raising her voice at her and demanding yet another apology. Then out of a sudden, she just refused to answer the following calls and shouted at me to answer the phone calls. When it apparently was the same stupid parent again, who kept on insisting to talk to her (while my colleague was acting all stubborn by refusing to answer) I actually wished my boss didnt take half day...sigh. I did try to help her to answer the call but it's really difficult dealing with someone who just REFuSED to listen to other people and was willing to hold the line. And I also started to get frustrated too because if she kept holding on to the line, it will keep transfering back to me and I hate that. I would rather get the call done and over with.

Lucky, my other colleague was there and like I said, sometimes it's really no point talking to someone who is still simmering with anger so in the end, the matter was not solved. Our point of view is that we are not going to give in so easily to such petty demands. Somehow I think my senior colleagues, including that of my boss, has dealt with a lot more than this or what I have dealt with, they are kinda seasoned to such things. To them, they are not going to be so scared easily by threats like complaining to the Vice Principal, Principal or even MOE. What is more important is that on their part, they have looked into the matter carefully just to make sure that there isnt an oversight in case an explanation is demanded which more often is the case. So you can say that my boss is very particular when it comes to documenting things so that if in future, should there be disputes arising, out comes the record.

But sigh, even keeping tabs of such records will be of no point if they stick to their own story. At the very least, it can help to protect ourselves if the higher authority questions us.

Anyway, an advice to such parents. We are not questioning your upbringing of your children. Whether they are boys or girls, while as parents we can be rather protective of them, at times it is better for them to learn on their own by not sheltering them so much. What's the point of giving them numerous enrichment classes or tuition classes when they are not able to stand up for their own self. After awhile, they become complacent because they know their mum or dad is going to help solve the problem for them and even if they are telling lies, their parents wont know because they trust their little 'angel's so much.

Wake up please. The world is not all cotton candy. Let them fall and pick themselves up again.

post signature

Long Weekend, A Little Rambling & My Lack of Gratitude

The day I discover IG filters It's almost mid week to August..argh. I am in the midst of a long weekend, which sadly will come to ...