Thursday, December 29, 2005

What Bullshit

Some rich people....just have too much money I guess until they don't know what else to spend on except on expensive lawsuits. Over the leaking pipes also want to call in the lawyer...and they ran into tens of thousands of dollars just so that the upstairs neighbours will finally fix their leaking pipes. But the upstair neighbours....who didn't want to have fingers pointed at them....stubbornly refuse that the cause of the leaking ceiling was their faulty pipes...also called in the lawyer to help them prove otherwise....90 000 and 60 000 dollars u know, respectively! And here we are...when they got overcharged by say....a few cents...they made it such a big fat deal....When they set up businesses..and made huge profits by overcharging us while employing cheap labour, and 'every cent counts'....they don't blink when they had to pay such high exorbitant price for their law suits....And you know what is the irony of it all?!!!!!

To fix the leaking pipes onlie cost a mere $2k plus...

SOMEBODY KILL ME!!!!

Tuesday, December 27, 2005

I'm Blue

I did a quiz online..to find out what kind of colour I am..although I still don't quite understand the purpose of asking what is my fav colour among the list of 4 colours given in the beginning. Coz I ended up with the colour I picked.

But, it could be a total coincidence....anyway, the description it gave me as a 'Blue'....was downright, almost accurate! Almost freaky...

This is what it says:

*Blue*

"You're blue — the most soothing shade of the spectrum. The color of a clear summer sky or a deep, reflective ocean, blue has traditionally symbolized trust, solitude, and loyalty. Most likely a thoughtful person who values spending some time on your own, you'd rather connect deeply with a few people than have a bunch of slight acquaintances. Luckily, making close friends isn't that hard, since people are naturally attracted to you — they're soothed by your calming presence. Cool and collected, you rarely overreact. Instead, you think things through before coming to a decision. That level-headed, thoughtful approach to life is patently blue — and patently you!"

Anyway, I know it is against our religion to seek advice from another person...who sometimes address themselves as tarot card readers..psychic..wateva..coz of his or her ability to see ur future. Why I say it is against our religion....is because, as far as I know lah....if you believe what tht person says..u are as if depicting him or her as a higher force than God...as u believe in their supernatural ability to forsee the future. Okaylah..in short, u're not supposed to 'see' the future..although, what they predicted can be highly accurate or something..my colleague says, that you mz not associate what has truly happened against what they have accurately predicted. Like....ur future has been pre-written in your fate already...and sometimes, curiosity can get the better or worse of us..

Okay...so my colleague asked me if I I would like to find out anything and my other colleague can bring out the tarot cards and read my future based on the question I asked. I was hesitant coz the last thing I want to hear, is bad news...whether if it happens to me...or my family. It'd be too overwhelming for me to bear. So just be it..I'd rather not play with fire.

But, after she was convinced that my other colleague had accurately told her stuffs that onlie she knew or see how far things will go for her....I was almost 'dying' to try out but no...I dont want to see my future before it happens.

In the end...for the fun of it..I was like 'haha...okay...can you tell me if I will have a chinese boyfriend?'...Since you know...how some chinese boys around my age are yummilicious..wahahaha..!! And sighz....will I ever ever ever...get to see that guy who worked at the singpost?.....where art thou..?! (dunno what the hell that means...) He's handsome lah ..but I'd rather label him more like cute..charming..good enough lah for me! I will never forget u!!

Anyway, my colleague took yonks to find the answer. I knew it would be too impossible lah..I wasn't hoping for any form of answer also..haha..but after I knew what the answer was, now I know the other reason why I shouldn't indulge myself in such future predicting games.

One thing is bad news lah.....another thing is, you sorta have such a high expectation especially if it's something that you have always wanted to hear..as it will somehow, give u a different 'perspective'...

Okaylah, if that sounds a tiad bit confusing..the thing is, my colleague said that yeah...I WILL have a Chinese boyfriend...(woohoo!)....in dec 2006! (what?! tat's one year from now..but still..WOOHOO!!) Oklah..so it's just for the fun of it..I ain't taking it seriously. But she went up already before she asked the second question..coz she said the tarot cards are US made..dont think the cards know what or where the hell is Singpost.."okay.... (-_ -)"...........

She said that it would be full of obstacles...but anyway..that's not so important..but what was amazing was that our colleague who could read the tarot cards, somehow accurately predicted that it would be a relationship of two people coming from different races. And my colleague didn't even tell her that she was asking specifically about a Chinese..

Anyway...there's a lot of things that had been said..but I'm not supposed to bring it up..coz to me, it was for the sheer fun of it..at that point of time..not something,that I wish to dwell upon. But I must sheepishly admit that it brought my radar one notch up...suddenly I see every Chinese guy as a prospective boyfriend..hahahah! Talk about 'extreme' desperateness! It's not easy lah trying to get that thought out of my mind..and here I am..almost forgetting about that Singpost guy...until, my 'future' was read.

But, no matter what....the thing that is harder to digest, is over how I actually accepted a guy..be it chinese..ang moh..or whateva race lah...as a 'boyfriend'...as inside my heart, I don't wish to have one lah..It'd be nice...sure..............but to actually have one, I have to think not twice..but thrice. Guess I'm happy being a single gal...less responsibilities! haha...lazy bum.... So, maybe it's sheer coincidence when she predicted that somehow, I wasn't quite sure about this relationship even when I have 'agreed' to have him as a boyfriend. Then, the cute thing is, she also said that I had met this person before...not necessarily talk to him or what lah...but we have crossed paths before, either we didn't notice each other's existence or we had talked to each other but think nothing much about each other..that kinda thing lah..

So, it's up to you to believe it..but for me, I guess, I just want to let it be lah. Like I said...or my colleague said..just don't take it to heart.

Monday, December 26, 2005

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas, People!

Okay, I swear this was meant to be done like 4 plus..in the afternoon, according to my schedule in my pda..heh...coz I was trying my best to stick the schedule I have planned but somehow..I didn't include, as part of my schedule, my two attempts in trying to get the ants' nests. Bloody hell...

Anyway, it was still quite an accomplishment. And even though, I was running behind schedule..as yes..the tidying up the aftermath..wasn't easy also...I also was trying to do yet another layout for my blog for the..er...er..............okay, whatever number of times....but I am proud to say...I'm back, baby! Yahoo! Yes...for once, I don't have to credit someone else's work..yawns..I mean with all due respect, these people are talented and without them, I wouldn't have been able to steal..I mean......be inspired by the numerous original and creative ideas from them. But...rahayu won't rest until she finds something she can relate to..I don't think being a 'diva' may seem befitting of me. Anyhow..it does have a nice 'ring' to it..so I'm keeping it! My radar is wide and open! Somehow that doesn't sound rite...

So party people...what have you been up to? Partying? Rite...as much as I know how many times you have heard about this...but sometimes, getting the latest gadgets...like a 2 megapixel camera, the latest ipoD, pda cum phone such as the O2..will seem rather meaningless..if you kinda live on the edge of life..Yeah, I know how it feels like when you finally save up your hard earned money to be able to get your hands on such things. But, we have one life..and we cant extend its longevity. Once it's gone....it's gone. So treasure everything around you....try your best to accomplish the things that you've always wanted to do. Get your hands dirty...do things beyond your comfort zone. Life's so precious..that by the time..we finally get to breathe in and admire the beauty surrounding us....appreciating our loved ones...it could be the very last time.

I truly admire the people who do not let sickness get the better of them. We have to carry on..even we're practically standing at the edge. I..for once..wouldn't have completed this layout....mop the floor behind the cabinet..throw out the old box....finally finding the ants' nests (and clearing them..no matter how disgusting I find their nests full of scurrying ants...)...and babysitting my brother while my mum was away for the whole afternoon and evening and capping it all off by watching my fav show CSI:MIAMI till the stroke of midnite...if I had not thought about how I should try to live each day to the fullest. I don't have to bungee jump...or climb the Great Wall of China to prove that I should 'push' myself so that everyday will seem more meaningful. Just do those smaller things that you have been putting on hold...for the longest time..and once you complete it, there's a big sense of satisfaction about it.

Begin the new year...with a new beginning...a new you. For once, I have managed to stick to my plan of losing weight..and though the significance is not that great, but I have managed to changed my physical outlook and proudly stuck to my exercise regime and sticking to a healthy diet without indulging in snacks that have brought out the worst in me, ever since leaving my pre-university. I thought I was gonna lose this battle...I almost gave up halfway when by the time my birthday, I didn't seem to lose anything..gain yes....put on more yes...but not quite losing it. So, I thought..so what if your goal is achieved way past the deadline...what matters most, is that you stuck with it..despite the ups and downs it brought along.

Anyhow, rite now..I am off to doing the last thing I have planned in doing even though it has been hours past the time I should have finished it. But you know...u can't be too calculative on time. Sunday is leisure time anyway....it's the quality of work done and not quantity, rite? heh...

Have a great week!

Saturday, December 24, 2005

StranGe EncounteR

I am seriously not making this up...but it's to your discretion as to how you view this so-called 'supernatural' incident. I've always believed in the existence of the other world..crossing our paths..just as how I believe there is a formidable evil force..that stands tall to wreck destruction upon our lives. So..there are good 'people' and bad 'people' in that other world...and if we're lucky...we don't wanna have any chance encounter with the bad ones..but if we did..................

Okay..some previous nights, around 3 plus am in the morning, I was rolling around in my bed, cant sleep as usual..but all of my family members had fallen asleep. Then I guessed I finally fell asleep but something stirred me up. Okay..the last bit I dreamt about was someone looking for something frantically on my study table in the middle of the night, but I was looking on from the back..through my eyes..Then suddenly, I opened my eyes. Then it felt like my dream came alive or something. I opened and I saw the floor..coz i slept on it (hate beds..)...and I said I felt it was alive as i felt footsteps on the side of my mattress..lke someone is walking on it. I tot it was my mum as some weekend mornings, she would sometimes go up to the mirror on the dressing table and stepped at the edges of my mattress. I dunno if it offered additional support or something..but yeah..it felt like that. So, naturally I tot it was my mum. But what changed my perception was when the footsteps moved up to the top of my mattress as I was lying slightly below the mattress. The footsteps..which I couldn't hear..but more like felt someone stepping on it repeatedly. My mum wouldn't do that...and I was thinking..maybe I was dreaminglah..but I had my eyes wide open, half covered with a pillow and looking around a bit without looking at the top of my mattress.

It was definitely real. I was awake..no doubt about that..but whose footsteps were those? I was getting kinda freaked out. When I awoke, I asked my mum casually if she went inside my room in the dark..She said 'NO'..like why would she be going inside my room so late at night? Then I told her coz it felt like she was moving inside...but could see that she was shocked like she saw a ghost or something. Trying not to worry her...I just agreed along when she said that narh..could be that I was just dreaming..I knew I wasnt....but what the heck...I didn't wanna scare myself to sleep anyway.

So, I tried to turn in earlier than them..so I didn't have to struggle to fall asleep as I didn't feel secure being the onlie one up. But yesterday, I didn't realise that they turned in already and i was still at my laptop. It was almost 3am so I quickly turned in. Still, I had trouble falling asleep and I recalled back the previous strange encounter. Then i told myself to pretend that they were still awake. It kinda worked as it made me more relaxed and I fell asleep coz suddenly, I was like in this virtual room..Okay, I was looking at this little Sims boy just walking around in his virtual house..designed by moi I suppose. It was kinda fun and realistic..

But at one point of time, that world started to shake...and it was like as if, the camera showing the little boy had toppled or something..and was thinking what's wrong but then I woke up. I saw my bottom of pink cupboard, which made me realise I wasn't dreaming anymore.

Then, almost instantly...I felt something heavy like someone was slowly pressing on my pillow on the other side with his foot. Come to think of it..also felt like someone was slowly turning in...and like as if the head was moving closer to mine. This time, I DEFINITELY know it was NOT my mum..and I started to open my mouth to call out for my mum.....but......................

It was getting heavier and my heart was beating faster...I wanted to call my mum but guess what...I HAD NO VOICE?!!!! It was as though I lost my voice! There was onlie a squeak despite my mouth opening wide!! Then I recalled about people not able to scream out if this 'thing' was beside them or pressing them down. I really didn't want this to go on..and I did the next best thing. In a soft murmur of whatever left of my voice...I prayed......It was like..'In God's Name..may I be protected from the evil'.....and I did it repeatedly. Instantaneously............the 'heaviness' on my pillow from that 'being'....was getting lighter and lighter...as if it heard me and was making its move out.

I told myself I was not sleeping....it felt so real.....and I was scared but tried to be calm...coz onlie in calmness...will I be able to control the situation and make it go away. Once, I felt no more of that heaviness....I tried to open my mouth to call out my mum. I got my voice back. My mum didnt answer..so I knew that my mum was sleeping and not walking around in my room. At first, I was trying to make sense of what just went on but I didn't want to dwell on it.

I continued praying as I wanted to make sure it didn't return. But was tired halfway and I wanted to sleep immediately so that I would wake up asap and get out of this nightmare. I did..and when my mum woke me up to ask if I went to the toilet already...I told her about what happened. I said it came back and I was NOT sleeping...

She somehow believed me and I told her.. I will never sleep past 3 am anymore......haha...it sounded so silly..but I guess, after what happened, I may just keep that promise.

I'm telling ya..I am not sure if this is my first encounter with such 'thing'...I don't know if it's a ghost...or evil spirit.....but it was scary. I didnt see what it was..but no...i DON'T want to see it either. Onlie thing I was glad was how 'brave' I was and didn't mince on my words when I was praying. I knew that I shouldn't be scared...I had to somehow make it go away...now I know how Harry Potter felt when it had to battle the evil dudes..hahahaha..!!

Oh well...don't take this so seriously... just want to say that no matter what happens....dont let it affect you in anyway.....maybe it didn't mean to disturb you...maybe it saw you as a disturbance..just like that movie, The Others. Oh no..I'm thinking too much....this is way way scary..................

Was I too HaRsh on My Mum?

I tot I was being too harsh on my mum in terms of money when she asked me to withdraw some money for this weekend as she has a wedding function invitation which she will be going with my aunt and her toddler. She told me that she didn't have cash money left from the last time my father gave her some amt of salary. Okay..firstly, I've always talked about my paranoia that one day..our family runs out of cash. But now that I am a bit more matured in terms of finance..that you know the old adage....wealth doesnt lasts forever if you just spend and spend like no tomorrow. The thing is..now I think about tomorrow and having suffered going to school with little or no money or going with my friends with mere dollars in my wallet..I don't wanna suffer no more. Then we have those times where we get some kind of financial windfall (I don't mean the lottery though...haha..), like for instance, when we moved into the current house and we made quite a profit. Thought that the money would last for long but within a year..it dwindled so much, we didn't know how it began or how it ended up to be zilch. zero. none.

I know about my mum's spending habits and she can be a bit too generous. She always talk about how she suffered worse than me when she was younger. Went to work at the start of her teenagehood..gave her mum a huge proportion of her salary...then the rest of her money, she used it to cook food for the family. Then, her neighbours...had good food to eat coz they were quite well off, she had to be contented with extra ordinary food. Ate salted fish and onlie when her mum managed to sneak some bread with peanut butter spread, considered a luxury food, from her employers, then she could eat. So she didn't wanna suffer no more. She doesn't want to live in the past no more.

I, on the other hand, know that yes...my sufferings were not as intensive as her. But logically, if I don't want to fall into the booby traps again..due to my own or my family's own doing....I have to be strict. I remembered when I let my guard down...coz I couldn't be bothered with my mum's constant requests to withdraw money. It was really bad..we were practically back to square one.

She was making noises just now when she asked for the card coz now..she knows how to use the atm, even for NETS function. I said..ok..ok..i will go out and get the cash when I gave a firm 'no' at first but I didn't wanna be too 'cruel' coz she does need some money for sunday. But she was mad at me for trying to control her like a hindrance to her enjoying her life. Then yeah..going back to her stories of how she saw her ex neighbours eating good food..and now...all middle aged...some of them, are barely trying to make a living. They were so used to living a luxury life, that when they barely make a lot of money....they got themselves a car. Then their son got a car too and a few credit cards. But he was merely a soldier in training. So they got two cars..one small and one rather big...against their relatives' reasonings that they just cannot afford. Now, the husband is not working..too lazy to find another job ever since he quit to help his wife at the food stall..and even the food stall is not makin money. Their son disappeared and reappeared with a new wife who married him secretly....and they had to help him pay his credit card bills and telephone bills which reached till more than 1k due to overseas calls whenever he was abroad on army trainings.

I know that both parents of mine worked very hard to support the family and as a child, I didn't really see much in that except that I know my mum worked the night shift and even ridiculed by her friends, for working so hard where else they don't. When she had my brother she stopped working to take care of my then baby brother but continued soon after. It was onlie after I started working and my father quit his job when he no longer had the strength to work the rigorous manual work as a techinician at singtel..I knew it was difficult.

I guess a huge part of why whenever we had a windfall..I sorta became a spendthrift, was this desire to buy the things that I never used to be able to afford. So, I somehow know how my mum felt. But now...unlike her, I saw the true colours of people. She did see..but she continued to to turn a blind eye...even though, sometimes she thought carefully..and yeah, she knows that I onlie have good, clear intentions and not otherwise.

For example..a classic case will be aunt who is her youngest sister. I remembered she used to help us also when I was in pre u and she just stopped working and relying on my father who incidentally just quit too and was working as a taxi driver. It wasn't easy making money as a taxi driver. She helped us quite a lot though sometimes, unwillingly from her tone of voice. And we didn't forget her..we gave her 3k (although she shamelessly asked for 10k) after my father got his CPF or fund savings when he turned 55 three years ago. And we paid her back the money she used to buy us a tv to replace the spoilt one and even a dvd/vcd player. When she needed money to adopt the baby, who is now almost three, my mum pawned her most expensive jewellery and gave her 500 dollars.

Now, my aunt is yet another person who is living in her own 'bubble' of wealth and who fails to see that we are supporting her, even though clearly, whenever she has money, she doesn't ask us out. Instead she asks out her pretty and handsome nephews, nieces and this friend of my age though they're working people now in their twenties. She doesn't look for us. I know my mum isnt the type to ask money back but why can't she just realise how my aunt is jz using her. Okay...now that she has a job already on her own and doesn't rely much on her husband's pathetic 5 dollars or 10 dollars daily payment to her..IF he is working at the barber shop, I feel she is still using my mum. Many times I had to endure some 'verbal abuse' from her..and just now, threats to 'kill' me coz she felt that I was too controlling and where got children nowadays think about their children. They onlie think about themselves.

Now that last bit of comment hurt me a lot...that I started to get all wet at the eyes. I know that I just had to be strong but that last comment almost weakened me. It sounded as if I never cared for the family at all. I wanted to say it back at her. I knew too that she wouldn't listen as she was too angry. But yeah...it was really hurtful.

Almost half of my salary goes to her from the very beginning and the slight increments each year, are not spent on buying new clothes and new shoes. They are spent on the ever increasing water bills that are getting ridiculously high for a four room house in a flat...and I also make sure there is enough fund for deductions from giro...I pay the telephone bill at home which is quite a lot compared to the past, when they don't have this package or that package..(and we didn't even sign up for them..)..although it is still below a hundred. I also pay for the cable tv which my brother watches most times and for the internet, although that is for my pleasure and also for my brother's school work. Then I still try to save each month..and I am barely left with money, except for transport.

If I am selfish..I will ask her to pay the power supply bill herself along with my father, who incidentally never touched the bill except to collect it from the letterbox. Her handphone and telephone bills, she pay herself since it is under her name not mine...and then go out enjoy whenever I am free.

Don't play the blame game lah....see oneself in the mirror first. I don't say doesn't mean I don't have any problems. I don't go all out telling people my 'sad' life story and expect people to understand my point of view onlie. At times, things are beyond our control but what we can control, we try our best in preventing the worst from happening again.

Just now in the evening, right before I start to vacuum while she was slumped on the sofa saying how I wish I dont have children....I just casually sighed and said the water bill have gone up so much. I have to pay 150 now which got her shocked like 'what? you paid onlie 150? so we owe a lot?' I said 'no'..that's just my share.

Then she said like what..she has to pay extra 50?! I said no.....I still can pay...then she was quiet and I know when she doesnt say back after that, she's thinking about what I say..I know at times, she says the harshest things but she does think back about whatever I say like 'see? you give a hundred dollars to pay for her daughter's clothes since u cant come out..she STILL ask u to come out after buying the clothes and you pay for the entire food...and her entire trip. Onlie difference is..she is working now!' Firstly, she would defend her sister and I would lament that if she didn't have enough..why must she keep saying her husband earn 2k plus and now her husband has a new handphone bought at 700 dollar plus..in cash money, some more! And there she was trying to ask my mum if she can pay for her daughter's childcare fees for the first month, which is inclusive of uniforms and deposit.

One thing...I know that if she ever give her that 700 dollars..I will give a huge verbal thrashings. I asked my mum why can't u just get it that these people act rich at you last time..and now that they don't have enough even for basic necessities...you can't be at their beck and call all the time. They helped us last time..and they ASKED for payback. We paid them back...often a bit more than what they gave so we don't owe them anything to make us at their 'mercy'. We don't even ask for repayments, like how they did to us, and even then...sometimes they forget that we did give them money, but they conveniently forgot...

Still, no matter what...I was being too harsh on her..I always over-react like I tot when she said '2'..she asked for 2k and not 200. I know that she has changed a lot...after she is surprised to find out that I top up as much as I can whatever have been spent to keep the finances 'balanced'. I have to sacrifice so the family can move on in the future..and not begging our relatives for help, of which they would suddenly change the story and say they don't have money although they just boasted about their new gold jewellery or something.

I'm holding on a piece of thread now..

Friday, December 23, 2005

So Hard to Say GOodbye

I had no idea why this song from Boyz II Men appeared in my dreams..but I guess, it's one gawd damn touching song..and I make it terrible for having to sing it..in my damn croaky voice..

anyhow, I just got this brilliant idea to download it and yeah..you wanna sing it? okay, i can onlie supply the lyrics so go do what you have to do and I provide the lyrics below..

"How do I say goodbye to what we had?
The good times that made us laugh
Outweigh the bad.
I thought we’d get to see forever
But forever’s gone away
It’s so hard to say goodbye to yesterday.
I don’t know where this roadIs going to lead
All I know is where we’ve beenAnd what we’ve been through.
If we get to see tomorrowI hope it’s worth all the wait
It’s so hard to say goodbye to yesterday.
And I’ll take with me the memories
To be my sunshine after the rain
It’s so hard to say goodbye to yesterday.
And I’ll take with me the memories
To be my sunshine after the rain
It’s so hard to say goodbye to yesterday."

Monday, December 19, 2005

Bags Galore

Well....rahayu has done it again. I've configured some things and I dunno if I should say this but..I help my 'friend' go wireless! Took some time to configure coz apparently, the instructions sounded clear cut enough like which wire go to which port..yadah yadah..but at the end of the day (or should I say night)..sometimes, it takes a lot of trial and error.

Anyhow..it took like an hour plus, but hey...it's for a worthy cause. Now my 'friend' can go to the living room and surf the net. Woohoo!! Okay..I'm trying to comfort my 'friend' that even though 76 dollars is still quite some money to spend, it's still under 100 dollars plus free technical wizardry..haha..! She don't even need to spend yet another 100 more on cable wires..modem...surfing plan. Just that small box which is not even as commercialised as the one promoted by starhub (which, by the way...cost MORE than a hundred). Well...sometimes, brand name can be good..but sometimes, it's all about what you want and whether that thing considered as 'cheaper' performs basically, the same functions. And I am not trying to despise Starhub or something, but really.....anyone wants to make profits, right? The wireless router box they sell is more than a hundred...but market price, it's slightly below that. I tell ya...go out to computer shops like Funan or even in malls (i bought mine from cyberactive..) and check out the prices. Ask, if you have to. But just make sure, they don't lean so much on a specific product just because it's more expensive than the others. But anyway, if it's cheaper also..it gotta have a reason why. Can be anything from shorter distance...if wires are needed..and so on. Read the fine prints!

Okay, so the next day (or shall I say night, again..) figured out without the manual how to make it security enabled. Took me more than half an hour..coz there's so many bloody options! But at the end of it, I onlie have to follow what other people who are way way way better in I.T. usually do to security-enable their wireless router to prevent unauthorised users. Damn..talk about trying to act smart.

Still, I think I need a bit of time more for configurations, coz you know...security is a big thing.

Anyhow, if I am not dabbling with my computer, I was trying to reorganize my bags. They were so much in a clutter even though, I tried to squeeze as many as I could within the top shelf but somehow, it was still disorganized. Like, I kept using the newer bags instead of the older bags coz I had to really dig through the cramped space. So, if I am hard pressed for time (which I am all the time), I just use the next available bag. The one which is not within that organized mess.

Hey, I didn't realise how many bags I actually had until I collated while creating more space within that already cramped area. I cleared out the CLEO magazines which I used to have a subscription with. But since next month, I am renewing my subscription with them, since they offered a hefty discount (heck, who wouldn't want a 15 dollar off discount?!!) so I don't think I should be dwelling on past issues. However, I have yet to throw them coz obviously, they're still $$ and there were interesting stuffs to read plus a tonne of advice relating to us..GALS....So, one day lah, I just flip through almost 20 copies of the magz and compile the useful reading materials. heck, you'll never know if I am the person to look for to dish out some love advice!...

Sighz..so many things to be done! And they say staying at home is boring..

Alrite! I am SO proud of my newly organized bags which, I stacked them vertically to create more space for more bags. But since the shelves were pretty low..some taller bags had to be placed on the other side flat down. For the record, I managed to put all of them together!...So, the next time I want to grab a bag, I can afford to choose just like choosing some dress from a clothing rack!

But, I had to do some sacrifice. Throwing out some of them. But nope..don't worry lah, I haven't gone mad and throw some bags which can be used. The thing is..they had been used till beyond recognition..haha..! Nolah, you know how bags can be once they have been used frequently. It's the same with clothes too.

Well...sad to say, I STILL haven't surpass the average number of bags a girl around my age will hold..haha..It's below 30. Okay, the thing is..I am fussy when it comes to design and quality. I don't need to carry around a prada or LV to emphasise quality. It's just a trend that will come and go. Plus, I don't need people to scrutinise my bag to see if it's fake or real. Too irritating for me. Okay, bags don't exactly last forever either..but at least can do some withstanding like bulky items, heat and scratches. But, to me..it's still design lah..hee..

Okay, believe it or not....I didn't buy more than half of the bags. Well...what do you expect from a fussy person? Haha...a tonne of bags and clothes? We're so fussy tat in order for that item to be in our possession...it has to pass through some list of criteria! But anyhow...it still boils down to budget also lah and its usefulness.

So okay...the other bags were mostly as gifts as I got bags every year...without fail..and, some are free gifts which came with magazines or other stuffs. Others were given to me if they don't want the bags anymore but still, in good condition.

Then, a small proportion of it, I got them from the auctions. But unfortunately, when I received them, they weren't quite what I expected coz I guess of the long period of time the sellers had kept them. But the latest two...were in perfect condition still and I have used one of them..much to great admiration from colleagues who thought the bag might have cost quite a lot, based on its design.

So, okay....I am no longer a bag freak and yeah....I get bored easily with bags but I try not to get new ones too often either. Erm...judging from the lack of space even after I reorganize everything.....I may not need one for a very long time..hahaha

Btw..before you get offended or what..I do appreciate the gifts that I get lah even though I know I am bound to get a bag...more often, two bags from different groups of people. It's just sometimes, I don't get the chance to use them as erm....okay, let's just say...if you know someone well enough...you know what kind of bags they like. If not...then...in the cupboard lah.

Looking forward to finally having the novelty of choosing over my bags to go with my outfit! Yay!!!

Sunday, December 18, 2005

Random Things At Home

K..so I am a boring person...and yeah, who cares if people say i rot at home or what..i'll just say 'but at least i rot good..' hahah..

Anyway, I figured that since my blog lacks of pics coz i lack the enthusiasm to take pics...I tot hey, why not 'spice it up' a bit with some exclusive looks of my bedroom.

But this idea struck at a time when I just messed up my room up..haha...and it doesn't look as nice as those you see in the mag. And I was just flipping through this local mag on a singer and actress of the same age as me. But she's such a show-off lah...in real life...anyway, the media doesn't care about that coz she's err..'pretty'...and talent in what ways..onlie they know. And yeah...in the mag, also...showcased the walkway to her room..on the corridor lies panels of photos of herself..right up to her bedroom. She called it 'hall of fame'. i call it hall of lame....

Whatever. Anyway, at least she gave me the idea of telling peeps hey...I don't just lie down in my room coz it's all pretty and i like to look at it all day long. So much so, she doesn't even go to the shop downstairs except for her mum and siblings coz she just like to sit in her room if she's not working. YAWNS.....tai tai in the making.

She may be getting a name for herself after dabbling in acting and getting offers overseas in Malaysia..but if you have encountered in real life how stuck up she is, and somehow figuring out how 'eurgh...' she is when she acts coy with good looking actors and taking photos intimately, with handsome guys, you don't even wanna see her.

SO! I may not be famous...known...rich....have a bedroom that looks like it hasn't been updated in years...and there's nothing colourful to see except for the green couch, here's some exclusive things featured in my room! In pictures! Wah..really should credit myself for finally making use of my camera fon.

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I have two boxes for making beads but yeah..it's still lacking. Anyway, it's ALWAYS lacking since I keep buying the wrong things and always distracted by other things that are not in my list..haha..

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My attempt at making a complicated bead bracelet. Looks easy in the books. It's always like that..haiz. Nevertheless, it still looks pretty impressive for a first timer but it's just the technique that needs improvement.

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I know..hello kitty. I bought them for 5 bucks onlie for the two sets TOGETHER. I just like the bubble helmets..hahahaa..

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I spent some time doing this gorillaz layout. Nifty, eh? But it's onlie halfway done. I am learning at the same time also following the styles of young but seasoned graphic designers. But I got a long way to go still!

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I bought this bag thru' auctions for 12 bucks onlie. Pretty, eh? Haven't use it yet. Oh, and I don't even have to buy a hundred dollar worth of biotherm products just to get the bag..

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Scott Kelby is a well respected photoshop graphic designer. I keep borrowing his book..actually, sometimes unconsciously, because other photoshop books are either so difficult, lame or bleurgh..

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Ah yes......the 'I cannot play less than two hours' of games. The Sims2 and its Expansion Packs. It's the onlie pc game I play. If you don't count the entire collection of The Sims Part One.

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My favourite drink. Seasons Ice Lemon Tea. I am trrryyyyiiing my best to keep this to a minimum two or three cans per week. Not er..one can per day.

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My mum just bought this. For the calendar...no comment (-_-) It really has good design for a magazine but somehow rather..the content need a little bit more of work. I know they are trying to give more exposure to our local malay artistes but...........K, just for the record, I can just flip and read through this mag in 15 to 20 minutes onlie and I'm done. It's that 'interesting'.


Yup! That's onlie a partial of what I do in my room. Maybe next time, when my room is less messy and more decorated, then I show u what have i lah, k?

Have a superb Sunday!



Friday, December 16, 2005

Frentic Mango Sales

Right...so I had to do something that was beyond my comprehension and had the guys baffled like what these women were doing? F.y.i, I went to my second mango sales. No, Geylang is not throwing huge discounts on the fruit but rather that famed shop MANGO. I used to think what was all this hype about this MANGO sales...and seeing some women wearing different coloured jersey blouses with their initials MNG and it was like some kind of trend. I tot heck..it'd never fit into them..not even the largest size. But I guess it's true to some extent that after a long while of hanging out with fashionitas colleagues, you will somehow....be pulled along the same route. And boy was I in for some fun..hahaha....!

Ok, when I was informed by my colleague about MANGO starting its sales on Thursday, which was today.....I was excited. K, in my 'desperateness' to own a MNG blouse after I got my salary this month, I bought the right size, right cut but wrong material. It was so clingy to my skin..it was almost like...er....second skin. And it didn't help that it was almost the same skin tone either. And that freakin' thing was 35 bucks!!! Okay, I would NEVER buy a plain coloured top around that price...but somehow, I did. Talk about irony! I didn't get to try it coz my poor brother was waiting for me in a corner of the entrance and I felt bad about it...so I tot tat it looked okay..and my insane mind said the price was okay....it went like..'err...whatever lah! can! can! jz grab!'....if I can recall, I did eat before that wat..so a brain which was hungry deprived?! Don't think so...

And with full regret, when I went to the toilet to try it for awhile..I totally hate it. And my brain was trying to say sorry to me by giving me a solution to put up the blouse on auction. So it was also concocting the price for the blouse...but I had to settle a few other things...and my ahem..Sims were graduating from a college (if u know me..u will know my obssession with them)....So in the end, I had it on hold as well as the pair of jeans which i TOTALLY forgot to put up on auction like yonks ago.

But guess what?!!!!! That stupid blouse was available in various colours and selling for 19 dollaRs!!!! 19 dollars, you know! From like what.........35 bucks?!!!!!!!!!! NOW i know why it's so widely popular whenever they have the sales thing going on. GAwD.....19 dollaRs! I'm gonna say it till I can't say it no more! How the hell am I gonna get rid of the blouse which I bought just barely days ago at 35 dollars?! This is UNFAIR!!

Oh well.....you gain some you lose some. Oh, back to my opening lines just now. Ok, so it was my second sales lah...but the first one, I did browse through but I onlie happened to be there but it was the third day of sales and the thin crowd, made me wonder, hey why this mango sales so bloody big ah? I knew my colleagues they loved wearing their jerseys for both casual and for work. FOr your information, people like me..we dont quite have any distinguishing fashion sense from the people in Shenton Way. Sometimes, we dress up to work in an outfit like we're going to town..or dress up like we're going to a neighbourhood shopping mall..haha...Oh yeah...and secretly, I wanted one lah...coz I tot it's quite nice...and when now, I can at least fit in their blouse without looking like i'm squeezing the fats out of me...it wouldn't hurt to actually buy one instead of wearing the ones my friends and colleagues passed to me coz they couldn't wear them as they were too big.

Then that news my colleague conveyed to me about the sales....I wanted to be there first hand! I'm still scared of the crowd but what the heck...u want good bargains?! Then you jolly well...make urself active. So me and my colleague cum good friend, we devised a plan on how to get on the sales early. After much tot...we decided to take half day off in the afternoon and go to the sales. At first, we tot of going to the one in Suntec City...but figured out that it would be too crowded since it was right smack in the middle of the business district cum famed shopping area. And another option quite close to Suntec City? Parkway Parade....perfect!

I was so damn excited about it coz I heard about the huge discounts I could get...especially for the jersey blouses which were my main priority. But reaching the place, I suddenly tot that er....what if we get the date wrong? What if the information given to my colleague who later informed me...was totally false?...In other words, what if we had just wasted our trip, along with our half day...along with this, along with that......and MANGO wasn't having any sales at all?!! Argh!!! The stress! It was getting to me!!!!

When we reached Parkway, my mind was still filled with question marks...and I told my colleague too that so far, I hadn't spotted anyone carrying plastic bags from MANGO. But my final reassurance came when I saw the poster in the size of an A3. There was definitely sales..woohoo!!

At first. Isetan didnt look crowded but we were fooled by it coz the minute we turned round the corner to MNG, it was there. The crowd. People were actually forming quite a line already at the fitting room. I tot that I wouldn't be able to get anything out of it...haiz..But, seeing my colleague already getting her hands into the sales, I psyched myself up saying that I can do that too. I started some planning....which was pretty simple actually. Target the 3 to 4 piles of clothings coz that was surely where you'll get the bigger discounts. Then when I started to look through the first pile, again I Tot...I'll never be able to do this...it's so embarassing! But no..............I'm not about to give up coz taking half a day off...jUST for some sales....it's gotta be worth every minute. So rahayu breathes in and starts to.....DIG!! Dig Dig Dig.............and yes, digging also need some kind of systematic manner...and embarassment is not part of it! People come here to look for good bargains..I tot to myself...so who cares about messing it up! And mess I did...I dug through the top half, the bottom half....the next half of the same pile of clothes..look under the shelves...look on the floor (yeah, it's pathetic, I know...)....and seeing how a 25 dollar blouse suddenly becomes 13 dollars..that made me even more determined...

But yeah...I also wished that I was at least an M sized coz it's mostly in those sizes or S...which, give me ten years also I cannot achieve. Turns out looking for L was a challenge in itself too. But nevermind, I like challenges. At least for that moment of time.

I couldn't believe how much muscle work I was putting in for my arms simply by doing a lot of determined digging....and I thanked myself for going to the gym yesterday to do some muscle training for my arms..haha..! But it wasn't planned at all. And through sheer work....which I didn't even keep track of with time, I dugged out 5 tops. Two of them..I got it in red already some time back...but here, I got yet another two colours. But yeah...I guess you can't get 100% satisfaction too as I didn't get the colour that I want or the size that I wanted in that colour. But the other three, I was satisfied lah...coz my initial efforts to get them prior to sales...weren't that good either coz they were pretty expensive to me at 30 dollars but here..it was a mere 19 dollars. If I didn't get them now...pls, label me stupid..hahah...

I guess if I was the average size of the women there....perhaps I could get more out of the sales...but those blouses cost me more than 50 dollars already though getting more than three for that price was pretty okay to me for such a popular label. And I figured out that if I downsize, my budget will have to upsize too...so I think I'll choose to stay this size for now lah..haha...!

Well I wasn't alone who didn't exactly came out 101% happy coz apparently she took a blouse which costs half more than what she tot it was priced at. And it wasn't her size either. Their policy of 'no exchange and no refund' during this sales will mean she's stuck to this blouse...for now. For me? I got a blouse in brown colour...and I don't even like brown....but, I guess I need to diversify too lah in my choice of colours..haha..plus, I took efforts to find the blouse in that cut, you know! That's diva speak...hahahaha..Anyway, there were other people who also picked up MANGO clothes in brown too so hey..brown isn't exactly a dull colour...it' the personality that counts, man..! But in this case, it's the label..haha..

Okay....let's hope this will be my LAST shopping spree ever in this month onlie. Next month, I'm targetting dorothy perkins jersey blouse and hopefully, it's still 20% less. I'm such a discount bitch! But you know....we can pat ourselves at the back for working so hard...and buy stuffs that we like....but buying too many good stuffs can make us complacent too...being girls, we just like to look presentable but everything's gotta have a limit, I guess. Shouldn't let ourselves be slaves to the trends....can have a taste of it, but just don't let it leave a bitter after-taste. In other words, life is so unpredictable. Like the other time, when I got two pair of shoes and still wanted to get another pair from another label later....I tot to myself that I still have other pair of shoes to wear also. Can't just leave them to collect dust over time while I enjoy getting more and more newer ones, onlie ending up not wearing or very seldom wearing them. When I have such a huge urge to go to yet another label in a few days time...or shoes of a different kind like flats.....I will recall back the time when I onlie had a pair of sandal which had seen better days but I still stuck to it coz I couldn't afford a new one. Not that I cant..but more like, I was terrified that some thing is SURE to happen if I buy something redundant...and I have full regrets for wasting money just like that, just when I needed it the most.

Shudders....whenever I recalled about that time when my mum and me were in such a desperate position...begging the power supply people not to cut off our water supply. It wasn't a long suffering coz God must have answered my prayers....and a friend of mine helped us out, no questions asked, and till now...I will never forget her deeds and of which, I actually pay it forward, or help a good friend, no questions asked.

Oh yeah....money isn't easy to come by..so while you have it, enjoy the moment. Prolong its usage.....like I feel that if I spent some money buying new stuff like a new blouse...the next day or next few days...I try not to get another new one. Or if I already have at least two new blouses....then, I don't get new ones lah until I have almost used all of them over a period of time already or they don't look brand new, no more. But if that's too long..er...until, the next pay lah! hehe..

Nevertheless...guess I'm done shopping with my bonus. Proud to say...I haven't even spent more than 400 dollars even though I got much more than that for the year end bonus..haha...! I got the stuffs that I want....and that's it. Strict little bargain girl marches in as my personality ego instead of the fashion diva wannabe..

Anyway, just for the records, girls! The MANGO sales is still on! :P

Wednesday, December 14, 2005

Photos Of David

I realised that I forgot to put photos of him...in case you dont know the existence of CSI:Miami and David, of course.

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These photos were taken from AXN Asia website, and I should credit them before they start sue-ing for taking his photos without permission. Like hello?! David poses for me onlie, k? And yes..that's his famous trademark, the sunglasses..which my mum..haiz, again....said it looked like the specs my dad wore when in the early eighties. I never asked her opinions.

I dream of David!

You wont believe this but i dreamt of david caruso yesterday and it was so real! I mean..how often have you been in a dream and you swore that it was so real..u could almost touch it. But for this one, *shrieks*...I got to hug him! AAaaaahhh...........!! Somebody slap me!

Ok..ok....i felt like it was so real because he came down to Singapore along with some other celebrities for some promo..which I had no idea what it was. Somehow, I got to know it through the axn website..which, by the way..is currently holding a contest regarding the who's big in csi...and no points for guessing who is BIG to me! woo hoo! Alrite..so I had it checked out like finally (!) but realised the contest was over. And no, it wasn't a competition to see who was BIG as a leader in CSI. It was just for this up and coming marathon of the best episodes in dramas and reality tv in axn channel 19. Anyway, they were going to show Lost Son, which would feature Tim Speedle's (Rory Cochrane) Death..one of the prominent CSI in Lt Horatio Caine's(DAVID!!) team. You sick people u...why can't u vote other episodes instead?!

Eh, back to my dreams! Yeah...so I was like dying with anticipation to meet him...and armed with a camera, I went to some destination which I suspect...was some stupid community centre (forgive me for not going out much...)....but hey, who cares when david's around!

So ok we went there and there was quite a crowd. And we saw one celebrity and he started chatting with us. I swear I didn't know who he was..whether it was in my dreams or not. But I guess clearly, we wanted to see David Caruso onlie..so yeah, that so called celebrity looked rather disappointed but he made his move..and there he was....(angels humming in the background music!)...DAVID CARUSO!!!!! *faints*....

He was rather shy lah...and he smiled and said something to us which I cant quite decipher considering he was quite soft spoken in the show too..haha..Then he smiled and politely tried to make his move, but I politely asked if we could take a photo of him. By that time, I was grinning as if I was looking at someone naked or something..bwahahhaaha!! He again....smiled shyly...and of all the people, my mum had to pose with him first..hahahaha...tat was comical, coz she always called him an old hero or hero tua in malay..*evilz* I was so nervous when I was attempting to take a photo of him with my digicam, which I cursed myself softly for forgetting to charge...., my hands were trembling and I tot I didn't take a good shot at all, in my nervousness.

Then he wanted to move away..again!....but I stopped him again and asked if I could take a picture with him! He said okay...and I told him I watched his show...and he smiled happily...(he smiled a lot, didn't he?!)...and when my brother tried to take a photo of him and me with a pda with a camera in it (dont ask me how he got that..)...he said to come closer and he had his arms around my waist and I tot that he made me pose like i'm his wife or something..haha...but yeah, it was so cool! He was so tall (he's 6 foot plus, mind you)...and lean...and his hair was orangey lah as usual..but he had it combed and gel-ed like so neat..and his attire was all black and casual, unlike his tv personnel. He looked terribly younger than his character and I swore, I tot I just fell in love with him. Then he finally said goodby and smiled again...haha..and turned the corner and disappeared from my sight...haiz.......................

After the picture taking, he thanked us and me and I was so 'dreamy'.......Then in the bus or van, when I tried to look at my digicam, it won't start coz I didn't charge it, remember? So I quickly snatched the pda of which my brother used to take a picture of us. But wat I saw was nothing but dumb photos of some events he had earlier in the day. I looked through everything one by one......and none had a picture of us..anywhere! So I confronted and asked my brother where was our photo...of which he said sheepishly, he forgot to turn on the pda when he took the photo..Aaaahhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Then I scolded him and said that he doesn't come to Singapore everyday you know!~ That could be my one and onlie chance to see him in real life!!!!

I was so blue......I just couldn't talk or see anyone face to face. I felt so disappointed. There I was at such a close proximity to David but no.........someone had to spoil the fun when I wanted that moment to be immortalised in a picture..haiz....

But I smiled again..thinking that hey, today is Tuesday and tomorrow is Wednesday. Which means i can still catch him on tv. Ok, so I kinda forgot about the dream I had until I was in the bus on my way back home around 9 plus. Then I remembered that nite at 1opm, his show would be on. I never felt so excited to see his show and I also felt that this time around, I would be less distracted when he's on coz believe me, my brother and my mum are in a conspiracy that whenever the show is on, they will be teasing him and making noises coherently to distract me. Wah....the opening theme kept replaying in my head, until I realised the new bus service i took went on a longer route to my home and I forgot to replay it again.

So when I watched him back on tv...and compared him to my dream...he didn't look quite nice in this show lah..dunno why. Like where did that extra 'spot' come from on his face? Why he looked so tired? Why he has so many wrinkles on his face? No wait..he already HAVE wrinkles on his face..but why he looked so much older?!!!! A lot of this 'why's' in my head..I can't figure it out...but I guess he looked better in my dreams, I guessed.

So the guy didn't disappoint me again. And before you think I watched CSI:Miami for the whole purpose of watching him onlie, u are wrong lah. If not why I bother to read leh..the episode guides on popular fan sites like csifiles.com?! I would still give credit to the original CSI series because if that season had not ended and channel 5 played CSI:Miami instead, I wouldnt have fallen in love with that character. And of course David lah! I was disappointed at first coz I was thinking why must I watch this stupid show anyway? They don't have that black dude...that funny white guy...(o.k. I didn't memorise their names)...but all they had were these pathetic posers..But David Caruso, whom I knew him from NYPD Blues (though I never watched the show..haha....), and of which some day, I did wanna watch his acting stint after so much talk about his failed movie ventures, and that day was judgment day and he aced it!

Somehow, I tot that I told this story before..hahahah...but who cares! I love him..I love him..I love him!!!!! hahahaha...*starts to foam at the mouth*....

Okay, yeah I know he has like a dozen critics coz of his constant 'i know everything' personality. But he pulled off that seriousness look on his face so well..u can't tell that he ain't like that all in his real life. Now who can carry that off easily? And fyi, he DID win an emmy for his protrayal as Dt Kelly in NYPD:Blue where his character looked like he had this Bad Hair day look always..I know he has fluffy hair lah, when I saw his younger days pictures. I bet his hair was the reason why his career didn't take off when he was younger but when he was a tad bit older like in his late thirties. But it sure is orangey enough to catch the attention of people. Okay..okay....so was his former bad boy attitude. But which girl doesn't lurve a bad boy now!

Right...'nuff of praising for him, for now at least! Hey, at least u're not in my position to justify why I like this guy so much to my friends and colleagues. Besides, Mrs Caruso, doesn't too bad either :)



Thursday, December 08, 2005

Cake Anyone?

Right...today, is my off day and I spent one part of the day...playing Sims 2 University..after failing to bring back the damn career icons, though at one part, the graphics left behind gaping holes coz of my moi's failed intrusions. not to worry though...i decided not to relocate the files (what am i thinking? haven't i gone thru that before?! it's still a big no!)..Haiz..why can't all game plays be perfect?

Anyway...it was quite fun play the Sims University which I have been putting aside ever since my brother bought it as my birthday gift in September. I mean..heck..i bought nightlife..and what do you think we all prefer? studying or go hang out, find a date and get pregnant?...

SO yeah..i'm still in my 'i want to be a digital artist!' mode..and yes, this is another one of my creations. Any sense of loathiness....either you had food poisoning or you are having a hang over. NOTHING to do with this piece of shit..i mean, art..

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I made every details of this graphics art..from choosing suitable pics, making brushes out of them..set the colour..the watevas photoshop has to offer..but the cake, someone else made it. But definitely not for this. Btw, that was my birthday cake slice, all thanks to my friends, though I didn't get to eat most of it. Anyway, it's over rahayu! get over it!..


Tomorrow, I promise to write and not show off..hahaha..

Monday, December 05, 2005

Photoshop Remastered!

hey..whole day i was messing around with photoshop coz suddenly, it became like a new found interest for me. I'm exploring stuffs that I would just thought is totally awesome but never actually got to do any art work with it except for a few photo montages that are like what..less than 5? I see people's artwork..boy do they blow me away! And what is better is that..a lot of these people are willing to share their trade secrets and if you follow their step by step guide, it really isn't that hard and you would have come up with something just as cool.

But of course, everything has to come with an added interest. Like I can intro you this thing but if it really isnt ur kind of game, then I can't really do much about it. But I tell ya...it's damn interesting. There's so much you can do with photoshop that you wouldn't believe that to actually master photoshop, you are not really a complete master....coz there will always be people who know certain tricks that will keep you baffled. But we're here not to reach such high proportions. We're simply being..er..simple! What is even more interesting, once you get the basic, you can do lotsa stuffs and even create experiments of your own..and who knows, the new tricks you found haven't been done by anybody yet?! Like wow....

I bet no one comes up with this wall paper..using a brush I created myself using photoshop...heh...

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hahaha...my nick on this blog! wooh!

Sunday, December 04, 2005

What a Nag!

It's so ridiculous having to live in this house full of rules imposed by....u guessed it...my mum. I think she's living in her own protective bubble while my father is living in his own dirty bubble. And she also likes to drag me in this picture and I just have no idea how every single day I could stand her unnecessary lectures about cleanliness and what else she has got to say. But in particular, cleanliness like personal hygiene and my own father's personal hygiene. When I come out of the bathroom....no...when I am STILL in the bathroom, she would suddenly come up to the door and knock and knock saying dont forget to wash the floor! And if I come out of the toilet, and fyi........I did wash the floor before leaving, she would always say how come so fast? And to me, it's already long lah but she would be say....washing the dishes or something...oh, and watching tv, and then if she noticed me leaving the bathroom, she tot I just made a quick exit. Of course I would protest saying no...I DID wash the floor and I WAS in the bathroom for some time! And being the 'im so stubborn' person that she is......she would say i lied...how come she goes in it's always 'smelly'?!! WHAT SMELLY?!! She doesn't know she stinks more if she leaves the bathroom, which I never say....but my brother does ah coz he's more 'open'...even though she washed the floor already.

Gawd...as if I peed on the floor and never washed up after that. I dunno what the hell she smell or something and it's like the whole of me is itself, a dirty being. She would always cringe at me and say I got smelly breath, smelly armpit..smelly hair..smelly everything and I had just bathed before leaving the house with her and my brother when we go out for lunch, for example. And she'd remarked how my friends ever can stand me. I'm like..how do I EVER stand you?! My father is also a victim also..and we are 'dragged' into her world of super cleanliness whenever we were about to sit down and she would scream saying my father just sat on there. Or if he took a piece of food....say...........from our plate such as satay or rojak, if my mum ever buys it, we're not supposed to eat the 'area' where he touched. And the master bedroom, where he has his own personal toilet there, we are not supposed to go near the entrance of the master bedroom. My gawd..as if my father breeds bacteria or something. YOu know she's not exactly high on the personal hygiene stake you know! And I am just too embarassed to describe it in my blog and even though I take the occasional swipe at her for that, she would retort back saying that she takes very long showers...takes a very long to wash her hair...yadah yadah. But i'm like if so, why do you still keep on having white hair if you say I have white hair coz I take a short time to wash and i'm not thorough like her?

Haiz...it's so difficult here but it just doesn't stop there..When she wants things to be done, she doesn't care if you just came back, just happened to sit down to use the computer, just happened to sit down and read a book...to her, all these are redundant. She would nag and nag and nag..in a monotonous tone...like she is reading something over and over just to irritate you and get ur butt off the chair even though you just sat like a minute onlie! I'd say wait wait..i'll get it done..but no.....she wears an invisible headphone and she'll keep on nagging and nagging..and even went as far as saying how she wished she was not married if she knew marriage would bring kids like us...argh!! And of course, I just had to leave the computer table and go and vacuum the stupid house and my brother would quickly zoom in to the computer. I'd tell her...u see! He took over the computer already! He was watching one of his cartoons on his 'to watch' list and once that's over, he'll use the computer till the next cartoon show he wants to watch!!

And you think it's fair that the children do the work instead of the mum. Yeah rite..my brother never had to do housework even though next year, he is in primary 5. And outside, I had to carry all the load of groceries which she would call and ask to buy whenever Im on the way back from work..and I'll carry them like I am carrying three people's load of groceries. It's so embarassing...coz usually people will bring their one or two family members but if it's time after work, probably they carry like half of what I carry. And I'll say it will be heavy coz so much things to buy..but she would say back I don't think it's heavy...but if you think it's heavy you don't need to buy lah. But I know she won't stop at tat like if I come home, she would insist that hey, not heavy what my load why I didn't wanna buy that something..as if that something is so heavy..And my brother? If he follows us out to buy groceries, he onlie wants to carry the lightest load and if I let him carry..say two bags..coz they're light, she asked me why I gave him heavy things? Please la..if he can carry that big stomach of his, why not grocery bags?! Worse, that time we were in Toa Payoh he wasn't carrying anything at all while me and mum were struggling to carry stuffs but I didn't say anything....coz he was complaining about his legs getting tired and I know my mum wouldn't let him carry anything. This..coming from a boy who would complain about tiredness after less than 5 minutes of standing up. SOmeone..please help me..

Haiz, rite now...I am stuck in my room coz I'm not allowed to take the shirt to change into because my father put his used towel on the clothes hangar so she's afraid I will accidentally brush against it. I seriously have no idea how I am going to survive..................

Friday, December 02, 2005

Mz CurB Spending!

hello...

hey brand new month! perfect month too since it is after all...the bonus month! Yes..the long awaited time when you think your bank account had been almost sucked dry and you have this almost humongous 'ang pao' or token red packet to be given to you. Wow. And then..the 'kiasu' ol' me would be like..hrm.............................so what can i buy? But after doing the 'cannot escape' bill calculations and then segregation of the funds to various accounts (ahem..I did say i was 'kiasu' or someone who cannot just have one..heh)....I would also consider if I really need to buy that particular thing or rather..things. Yes, me, rahayu popz..the one who had always 'cringed' on seeing a blouse which costs even slightly more than 5 dollars..to be within the 'expensive' range. My fund is so limited when I minus off various payments and also to my mum..which is also considered part household part entertainment too as my mum likes to buy groceries or food for the family at our nearby town shopping centres. I didn't feel quite good seeing my friends spending money on a top or blouse..which to me..I would easily assume that I would NEVER buy something of that price.

I guess..'balance' is the key word. Like sometimes, when you don't eat your fav food for the longest time though you still didn' swear it off lah. Then when you are presented with that food of urs and you eat it, u just feel like eating and eating and eating it as you missed eating it for such a long period. So now, after losing some weight and changing some self-image, I've cleared my wardrobe to make room for newer clothes and as long as I don't spend more than 25 dollars (Except for one costing a little over by a dollar..haha..)...I tot it was okay since my bank accounts are still in the 'ok' category. But it just became a pretty bad habit that I would just end up buying something new..mostly clothes..if not for shoes which I could still control the habit lah...even though it wasn't as if I would go all nakey as I ran out of clothes or something. But, it's like this 'evil' thing creeping on ur back..telling ya to go and buy.........

THink coz it felt good that I was able to fit into clothes that I wouldn't even dared to try on just by the sheer glance of the blouse, for instance, and I would think..confirm, cannot fit! Or if i just managed to wear it, all my 'fats' or 'chubbiness' in all the different places of my body would be on public display. But having money...that would confirm, last me for the whole month, I have this tendency to just grab the top or bottom clothes which I fancied and within the self-created cost limit. Actual fact it, I just bought a top like say............maybe two days ago or even yesterday?! And then now, when I was hit with a 'bang' on the impending loan I had to pay by the end of the month of NOvember, I was quit shocked coz my mum, who is 4eva the spendthrift, will always think that we do still have 'balance' in the acct so it wouldn't hurt to spend. But that one is unavoidable despite the huge number of reminders but she would missly dissmiss me as err.....just being so overprotective. One thing, part of the funds belong to my father which I felt is my responsibility to guard it well. My mum is right on one hand that hey, my father used to work so hard and now that he has a bit of income, the family is entitled to 'enjoy' themselves.

But like..I told her too that we also have to think about rainy days coz life is so fragile and also unexpected, anything can happen and it's not as if we never experienced hardship. Then it's also the time when you see among ur friends who can sincerely help you or think of u as just one of those scheming people out to borrow their money and possibly not to return it. It's pretty strange like how u think that this person, of whom almost everytime will talk about money and buying this or that..buying insurance policies.....investment..having the latest things like XBOX or what, suddenly is 'poor' when u ask for help. It was during that time, that I felt with extreme guilt, that I shouldn't have spent that slightly more than 300 dollars on things that I hadn't had the slightest clues what I got.

I would also remember other times when we used to look around the home for loose change..coz we're practically almost penniless. It was damn sad lah..especially when I had to look for some money......................just to go to work. And it was around this time lah...after my kind hearted friend lent me some money which I promptly returned back and I still had quite a lot of money left after settling outstanding water bills......I changed my life perspective. I got so paranoid. Damn paranoid that I ended up not buying a pair of new shoes...not buying new clothes.....and still wore the shoes even if they obviously looked forlorn and caused marks on my legs as I wore them everyday. That sandals saw me through good and bad days..........and I didn't care a single bit over my overall look as I was disappointed on how 'fat' I had become and how ugly my feet had become.

But u know...when people say if you are good twds other people..that somehow GOd will see thru' ur hardship and grant u a bit of relief on ur life. But we shouldn't be too greedy or forgetful about how we suffered the previous time. Like how I mentioned before...everyone needs to have some balance in various aspects of their life..be it personal, work, marriage, family and so on...but it can be difficult if you just go ahead and not sit back and think what you had done for the day or for that period of time. It is during such period of self reflection that you will see the big picture, and beware..............it can sometimes look 'ugly' or 'nice'. And for me, it's also like a wake up call. And i'll try to make an improvement on it, no matter how small it is.


Well...like right now, I am a little hard on cash and sad to say, I'm quite contributive of that and yeah, I guess this month is a good time to learn all over again how to set some balance in my life. I mean, sure can spend money on new clothes..but I dont wish to be like a 'wolf' on prowl or something sniffing out clothes when I just bought new ones just like a few days ago. No offence to those who shops frequently but for me, it's a little bit of a headache whenever I see that nothing comes for free..and when pay day comes, I have to replenish back the funds that I spent. It used to be a little amount or less than a hundred. but it has somehow doubled..or tripled..I dunno. And then unexpected things happen and I have to dig out my savings again and they're not small amounts. Then I wished I hadn't spent the money buying almost a hundred over dollars of new tops.

So..what do I wish for within this month? Hey, who says I can't shop..after all, if you have the money, why not spend it rite? If you always say no no no....or keep it to yourself..like sighz....one day, i'll come back and see or u just can't sleep..can't stop thinking over that cool blouse..then, you can become quite a frantic shopper, something like me. Once I pop, I can't stop..haha. Nolah..I guess hey, if I can afford that blouse and I KNOW there will still be some balance of money left, then okay, cant get. But self control must come in lah...I can't just keep on buying and buying and buying...coz my mentality is always that i still have some balance in my account. Now I'll just think about money going out must also equate to money going in..or better still, money going in must be more than money going out and must attain some sort of like a 'nirvana' in my accounts..hahaha..I must still be satisfied with the total funds. And all I have to do is curb on my spending. That does any trick.

I hope this brand new *special* month of December will be much better than that of October and November now that I don't go out to schools anymore so I won't have the tendency to spend. But nevertheless, I still go out to work and come back, but in between that, I will curb my spending too. Just because a blouse looks nice and can fit me well..doesn't me I should get it. Get it onlie if i really need to buy a new one..not coz it looks nice..haha. Oh well...doesnt everybody has a weakness?

Light to Night Festival 2019

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