Monday, October 26, 2015

How Life Can Teach Us to Be More Appreciative

A friend of mine has been sharing quite a lot of things on Saturday, which isn't like her at all, because while she does share things with me, most of the time she doesn't and I appreciate the fact that she wanted to share her personal story that changed her perspective on life. I couldn't believe that she went through that and having gone through such a state of mine before years ago, I completely understood how one could be so emotionally wrecked when you feel like you're going to lose your loved one.

For my friend, I'm glad the ordeal was over but it clearly left a big impression, from the conversation we had and how it changed her even though in my opinion, she is one of the best people I've ever met. But as told by her, she learns from everyone and sees strength in people when clearly, those very people have doubts about their own abilities and what they're capable of doing. 

But life as it is, may result in us forgetting and appreciating what we have and then keep harping on those things that bring us down and without us doing anything about it because of ego, personal beliefs or whatever. Our situation will forever be stagnant when we don't do anything about it. I know of people who lead a hard life and getting by with just the basics, still doing ok and not needing financial help from other people in general, because they try their ways to get public assistance which is good. I did go through that period too and it was hard sitting down there being interrogated but I understand what they're doing is to know more about our situation and how they can help. Also, since they're using public fund, they have to actually be accountable for it and that they're rendering help to those people who really need it.

I understand that the paperwork can be a killer but we want help and we shouldn't be letting our pride get in the way. Other people can't forever render financial help to us because they ownselves have other commitments too. Also, it's their hard earned cash and God knows how hard for them to save those stash. It's also a reminder for me so as far as possible, I try not to borrow and learn to supplement myself with a second income source.

While she was sharing her stories, I couldn't agree more that time is precious. The time spent with our friends, our family and on our own things, once it's's gone. You can't get back time so we shouldn't be wasting time worrying how we are not as attractive or as rich as certain people. The important thing is to be our authentic self and to keep the faith in ourselves that we can get through the hard times and come out of it stronger and raring to go. Also, to use time wisely on things that matter more to us.

I went through personal crisis many times and one of them, still clearly in my mind was how dead broke I was around this time of the year just last year actually. I've spoken about this many times in my blog posts because that was how strong the impact it had on me. I personally don't know if the money that I have saved up so far will last me until my December bonus because life can be unpredictable but whatever it is, I am trying my best to ensure I am able to sustain myself and the fam until the next pay day. I know I still owe people money, whether as a personal loan, credit card debt or bills so it is a balancing act for me and there are times I worry, that the money I'm holding, is truly mine.

I want to make my life better for sure but it sure isn't easy so I am still trying my best to keep it all together and settle as many things as I possibly can without falling back on hard times. 

But other than that, I find that as I'm growing older and approaching mid thirties next year, I don't let negative thoughts affect me too much. The point is, I don't know how long will I be around and I can't just sit around mopping about oh, how unfair life is and how I should be looking like that and not like this. What matters most, is how I feel about myself and doing what is best for myself too.

 For sure, anything can happen and we don't want to face regret and bidding for time which will slowly slip away from us.

Let this be a continuous journey of learning and while we're at it, not to forget about the joy of living and to have a sense of gratitude if we're still lucky enough to be alive and face another day. Don't waste this chance.

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Monday, October 12, 2015

Taking Credit and being Blessed with Your Looks

I'm typing this post out on my phone as my laptop has been sent for repair due to the cracked screen which technically happened a year ago but I never got round repairing it. It would cost me $400 plus but apparently the price seems to have dropped when we went there last Saturday .  Still, it's actually costly. Now you know why u delayed for so long.

But it was frustrating nevertheless to not be able see half the screen. Also the damage becomes worse as more pixels die from the cracked screen. Well, I'm not looking forward to forking out  $200 but I have to accede because my brother is willing to share the costs with me now that he's working part time. That means to say I have to work harder to earn more money to repay myself back the amount.

This week was the bomb because I earned $100 which is so rare and I'm so happy for it. I stashed it away to keep for rainy day for the next two months as I don't want to be dirt poor like last year around this time.

Again anything can happen so it's always best to stash away some cash when we can.

While I enjoy running this online shop, it can be quite sad when people want me to remove the pictures or the blog posts for whatever reason. But it's basically because they don't want to be made to feel like they didn't make it. That or they want to take credit for it.

I usually accede to their demands but it's sad because I can use them to promote my business so I gain more orders which is also a form of free advertising for me to attract potential customers. It also serves as my personal portfolio. Oh well.

But usually such requests are rare so I'm still ok with it.

Recently I watched this short video on a woman who was badly disfigured by some one who was out for revenge for turning him down. Despite the unfortunate incident that left her disfigured for life, she used it as an opportunity to help others. Initially she contemplated suicide but a kind nurse turned her towards God and she turned her life around.

We often take for granted how fortunate we are. After watching this video, I felt like I am not thankful for the way I look or towards my whole physical being.

While I appreciate the way I look, there are times I feel rather dejected. But now, more often than not, I tell myself that I should be blessed with the way I look. If people can't appreciate the same,  then too bad. I should aim to look and feel good for myself and not for others.

I'm not doing it to attract guys but it's about how I feel. Yes sometimes I do feel like if I were more attractive the gym guy wouldn't have wasted anymore time and just talk to me instead of just taking stolen glances which believe me, makes my heart skip a beat. I think that he's beginning to pay more attention to my presence but when I'm not looking or at least he thinks I'm not looking, heh.

There are so many other slim and prettier girls than me but if he chooses to focus his attention to me, I feel so honoured. I thought he wasn't at the gym today and felt a tinge of sadness but life goes on. But an hour plus later then I saw him,lol. I'm so blind. So many beefy guys around today who blocked my view of him. Thank goodness I did weights today so eventually I did see him parked right in front close to the mirror.

Still waiting for the day he talks to me or just say hi. That would be awesome.

Ok, I shall end my post here,sleep awhile and continue with my orders.

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Thursday, October 08, 2015

Bittersweet Ending to My Diploma Course

How could I miss this post?! I actually didn't write about how I got my results, now come to two weeks ago, and I'm so happy! I didn't get  any C again although I know that the important thing is to basically get the modular certificate, after going through project after project and test after project, often within a week or so of each other. In other words, we survived! Of course, there was also an exam that we had to take at the end of the course and to me and perhaps some other people too, it was the absolutely last chance to pull through, just like the final projects from other modules.

Some guy in my class was like saying why some people are so driven to get distinctions or do very well when the important thing is that we pass. But he would always be the most emotional one whenever we get back the results, verbalizing his happiness or his disappointment.  While at the end of the course we want to ultimately get it together and hold the diploma in our hand, the little achievements along the way are no mean feat as well. Juggling work, school and family (and business for some people, aka me..haha), is very challenging and to come out of it unscathed, it is also a personal achievement to us. 

This module was particularly challenging for me because I suck at projects and I barely passed for the tests. Suddenly I got swarmed by so many orders, I don't know where to begin, lol! But I am grateful for those opportunities and the upcoming ones as well that I got from Carousell and I am not going to give up this entrepreneurial spirit in me, just because I have to juggle with many things in life. It's just part of an on-going learning process, even as adults.

So it is going to be a bittersweet memory for me, as I am stepping into the last module. Seems like yesterday when my brother, then a newbie as well, accompanying me to the lecture room that has since then become the place where I absorb knowledge (or get mentally lost somewhere too, haha). But like life itself, expect some changes and we have to learn to adapt to it. Few months ago, my manager announced that she would be leaving the office for the headquarters. Now, the principal is also going to change to a new one. So the office will go through several changes as well. 

Perhaps, getting this diploma will open the door to more opportunities. I also look forward to doing my best for this last module and to know that one of the modules will be taught by my favourite  lecturer again, is like icing on the cake. He's such a funny, goofy and warm person and he draws from his experience as a part-time student himself. Yet, he's serious about us getting the most out of his class and he's not afraid to voice out his unhappiness if someone's being rude because to him, he will respect the person if the person respects him as well. It's just how it works. He just wants us to not waste the opportunity of coming to class tired especially after work and then treating it as though it's not of importance to us by being disrespectful when other people in the class are more keen to learn.

In other words, he's coolest lecturer of all! 

I know that this module will not be my final journey in developing my skills. I will continue to learn as learning is an on-going process and 5 years down the road, you will read about me pursuing a part-time course for a degree, if God willing :)

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Sunday, October 04, 2015

I Want to be Grateful But Sometimes, it's Hard

Nowadays I try to tell myself that I should be grateful for things like having some money before the next pay day instead of being completely broke, because believe me, I have been through days like those in the past, most recently towards end of last year. I also want to be grateful as well that even though I'm still struggling with weight issues, I don't want it to take precedent of my life like it's over if I don't get a certain weight. I want to be grateful that at least now, I have better choice of clothings compared to my younger days where getting a skirt means buying from Marks & Spencer or Robinsons which were then very expensive for someone who didn't earn that much. 

Now, I can wear skirts from H&M too and choose nice tops although until now, shopping for clothes is not my area of interest. I'd rather shop for pretty patterned papers so I can make pretty cards and sell them to make a bit of income, hehe.  But my mum seems to take over this shopping enthusiastically though :s

I still want to save more for rainy days without having to dip into them every now and then. I also want to reach my ideal weight. It's more and more seems very daunting and the haze thing isn't really helping because I can't walk and you know, eating lesser but with lesser exercise, doesn't come up to much. For the next two weeks, I am  planning on walking as I see the haze kinda clearing a bit and I also see people jogging as well. Also, school is starting soon and I am going to need the energy and not want to look as though I put on weight when I see my classmates.

I do am trying my best to accept my body as it is right now because it is not its fault for becoming in this state and I want to make even more effort for the last three months to lose some weight. I know it still won't be my ideal weight but at least there's progress. I also don't want to fret over it too much as there are more pressing issues than just worrying about that extra flab on my tummy. Health is of course important and as long as I am following a healthy lifestyle, and putting in extra effort, I am positive that the weight will just drop off before I know it.

But until now, I want to continue to be more confident and more accepting of my body and do what is right for it and not abuse it any longer. The progress may be slow but we'll get there. Love yourself first because you are worth it. I am grateful that I can fit in clothes better than previously and slowly, but surely, that annoying tummy flab will be gone. If it doesn't completely go away, life goes on. I also want to be grateful that I am continuously making as much effort as I can, stashing money away so that I don't come to a point I'm only left with $30 to $50 and face sleepless nights thinking how am I going to feed the family the next day. 

Yes, as mentioned, I have gone through dark days for being obese and completely broke. I am keeping my promise intact that I will continue to do what it takes to stay healthy (like drinking green tea for a less bloated tummy, eurgh..) and cutting down on buying things unnecessarily when I could use whatever I have first. I do feel a tinge of jealousy when some people get more orders than me until they have to stop orders while I'm like self promoting almost daily. But, I still get orders, though not as much as them, and for this, I am grateful. 

There are many motivational speakers or even inspiring people that have gone through tough times and grateful that they are still here, being given the chance to live again, even though they have lost up to three limbs. They have gone on living life to the fullest. While initially they were in shock and disbelief but over time, they have accepted the situation because to them, this is not the final deal. Life still offers them many opportunities that even able-bodied people struggle to do or refuse to do. 

We have our struggles and I know other people too, have their struggles. It's not up to us to judge them thinking oh, they could have done this or done that. But really, we're not in their shoes so we don't know how it's like and our situation can be so different from them. Instead, we should focus on being more kind and compassionate instead of always thinking about how we can never be as slim or pretty like other girls or as rich as some other people who can go on holidays on a whim.

Be grateful and aim to always do our best in whatever we're doing and to make each day better than the  previous :) It's hard but we can do it.

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Long Weekend, A Little Rambling & My Lack of Gratitude

The day I discover IG filters It's almost mid week to August..argh. I am in the midst of a long weekend, which sadly will come to ...