Tuesday, December 25, 2018

Christmas Wonderland 2018 at Gardens by the Bay

Merry Christmas! I had to start off this blog post with the cute Santa log cake from Coffee Bean even though we actually ate them the night before, haha. 

Anyway, for a few years now, we have been going to the Christmas Wonderland held at the Gardens by the Bay. The event just got bigger and bigger and we remembered the first time they had such an event, it was pretty low key and also free. But now they have added stalls and turned Gardens by the Bay like a mini Christmas Village. And yes, this time we had to pay like how we did for the couple of years I think. 

Click here for more details and the ticket pricing for the Christmas Wonderland. It's on until December 26th so if you read this post today, or even tomorrow, there is still time.

The highlight was of course the dancing 'trees' where the Supertrees would display dancing lights to the rhythm of popular Christmas songs. Last two years, they had been playing Mariah Carey's 'All I want for Christmas is You' and Ariana Grande's 'Santa Tell Me' but this year round, they played more classier version of Christmas songs with the exception of one by Michael Buble. I got a little bored because I didn't know most of these songs, haha. But perhaps those who actually celebrate Christmas may find these tunes more familiar and homely feeling.

Another highlight was the hourly rain of 'Snow' which was basically fake snow made out of foam coming out from several machines. But now, instead of crowding inside the tower, the machines were placed outside at several spots so we didn't have to squeeze ourselves with the crowd inside to enjoy the fake snow on our hair and taking pictures as though we were really basking in the snow, haha.

There were also several paid events inside but like how one person we overhead commented, everything must pay, we didn't have to subject ourselves to forking out money every now and then. Okay, maybe that one time I paid $10 for some overpriced Nachos and mere sprinkles of sauce on pre packaged chicken pops. 

Anyway, it was still interesting to walk around taking many pics and speaking of pictures, there would always be this one photo booth that was very popular with snaking queues, just for people to pay for a polaroid picture. I guess they want to commemorate their special time at the Christmas Wonderland especially with the couples in lurrveee. But from the pics below, there were many interesting sights to take couple pictures without paying. Then again, what would I know? haha..I was even there with my younger brother.

This would make an appearance at the Gardens during this festive period.

So inside the crystal tower was this maze of mirrors, not crazy mirrors though, where people would take videos and pictures of themselves facing the mirror. I tried to do an IG story on it and gawd I was such a noob. Even taking a selfie like the one above required several takes, for that one perfect shot, haha.

One of the angels on display made up of fairy lights.

How beautiful..but quite impossible to take a photo with the Christmas tree with people every now and then coming up to take pics. But not to worry, there were other smaller Christmas trees as well along the paths like this one below. Small and cute, like me. Hahaha! Tell me something funny.

So magical! Even from afar and the barricades.

That was us with the snow on our heads! We waited an hour just for this.

I hope you liked this post and make the time to come down for the last day tomorrow, 4pm to 11pm :))

You're Beautiful, No Matter What

Recently, I watched a video that struck me hard and I started crying and good thing I didn't ugly cry, but still, my make up was almost ruined haha. It was in the morning and just dolled myself up a little for work. I was working on my orders and watching you tube and then one video led to another. The original video was about entering 2019 with confidence. The other video, however, was about self love and looking at ourselves in the mirror and telling ourselves that we are beautiful. It is a social experiment on how much women actually love themselves by talking to the mirror, which by the way talked to them as well but someone was actually behind the voice, giving them prep talks.

It's sad how many women in general, whether young or mature, think so low about themselves and how life actually 'begins' when they look a certain way or lose some X amount of weight. The thing is, we don't have to wait for that moment before we can start loving ourselves and taking action to lead our lives towards the right direction or to chase our dreams. We can still change the world, irregardless of our physical appearance. We can care for others, make an impact in their lives and basically just enjoy our time here on each while we still can. To me, the last point is the most poignant as so much time is taken up just trying to figure our way around life and loathe ourselves because we don't like certain features of our physical appearance. 

I've mentioned many times how my low self esteem used to get me quite often but now, I just focus on doing what benefits me most such as eating healthily and exercising even if I don't get to achieve my dream body. And even if doing all this won't give me the killer looks or body, I am still ok, because I am taking proper care of myself. Even then, I think it's still normal for me to feel that sense of being 'unpretty' or 'unattractive' because not everyday we feel like we're a 100% confident of ourselves and that we can conquer the world. What matters is being able to flip that around and just lead our lives as normal as we can for as long as we are still able to.

However, what resonated with me in this video, on how words can actually hurt people, without them realising and that these words can stick to us and cut us deep like knives. As much as we don't wish for these words to affect, because they are after all, just words, they do. I mean we're still human beings with feelings. Obviously, those people who pass off these insensitive comments are just being rude and they don't actually care if they're going to hurt other people. We often put a brave front and then people think like oh, just because we don't look like we are affected by them, they can just say what they want to say without thinking.

The most dangerous thing is when we start to believe these words ourselves and that they are speaking the truth and no matter how we flip the situation, we just can't shake it off. That was when I felt for her when I watched the video. 

I hope this video and this blog post can create an awareness that we should start loving ourselves first irregardless of whether people are being such immatures trying to bring us down. Also, there's not even a need for these people when we are self sabotaging our own lives. At the end of the day, we are responsible in taking charge of our lives for ourselves and not for them.

Monday, December 17, 2018

Sentosa Island Lights 2018

Sentosa Island Lights is a series of installations by local artists in collaboration with a company here helmed by the former sticker lady who was commissioned by Sentosa to hold the exhibition. Even though she hated that nickname, and being in trouble with the law, years down the road, she got offers such as this that gave her the boost to show off her creativity, legally of course. It was quite near the Sentosa Beach station so it wasn't too far a walk. Though there wasn't a lot of the installations like the annual iLight Festival at Marina Bay, they are still interesting enough and instagram worthy too. 

Her story is an inspirational one for creative artists who often struggle to make it in Singapore as arts isn't quite widely acknowledged as other parts of the world. However, slowly, we are progressing and the moral and financial support given by the government and other agencies help these artists to make a name for themselves and still be able to survive in Singapore mostly from the commissions they make from big name collaborations.

Here are some of the pics taken on that day which we actually managed to still go even though we were pretty late actually. Good thing, we managed to travel back in time to Vivocity in time to catch the train back home.

Sunday, December 16, 2018

The Simple Act of Smiling & Thinking Too Much

Recently, I found that I have been increasingly comparing myself to other girls and then getting upset that  I don't have, and perhaps will never have, their kind of physical appearance. Most times, I manage to snap out of it, but then will start again and then it just goes on and on. I start to think negatively that perhaps, my looks, personality and introvert nature have hindered me from making new friends, specifically, the opposite sex. Honestly, I am not looking for love or companionship. I know that being loved can make you feel special and if he's rightfully the one for you, can even make you a better person than you are now. So I have nothing against finding love. Its' just that it is not for me.

But still, I can't help but think that I'm lacking friends of the opposite sex because of the way I look. The point of me writing this is not to put me down. Rather, I want to tell myself that it's better for people to accept me for who I am and that's where the problem lies. I just keep thinking that I am not smart or attractive enough to make guys want to get to know me. I am socially awkward or just awkward or even weird in general, haha. 

I really hate all this negative thoughts that is putting me down and I don't get why nowadays I don't easily snap myself out as I used to in the past. 

My guess is that I have been too invested in watching niche movies or dramas and becoming bewildered over how fast people fall in love. And at times, it's not because they're both attractive and naturally gravitate towards each other. Ok, except for one of the shows, haha. One has killer abs and the other has skin that is so glass like, even when there is blood stains on the face, still look like a freaking angel. The rest, it's a matter of just being interested and curious in wanting to get to know the person better and in the process, falls in love as well. 

In my previous post, I talked about how these two leads got so involved in the characters they were supposed to play, the line between what is real and what is not, becomes blur. In my case however, I start to overthink over a simple gesture that caught me by surprise because in my mind, I always think such things will never happen to me. Case in point, the guy in the gym that I have been crushing on for more than year but he always looked away whenever I walked past him even if I thought he was looking when I looked else where. 

I dunno..maybe I am just being delusional. I told my friends because I was so damn excited that a guy smiled at me at the work gym. It took him a few seconds to look and then smile, perhaps after recognising me from earlier morning when I tapped the door access open for him to enter. He was also being so gentlemanly when he gestured me to go in first by saying 'after you'. Oh, heart eyes heart eyes! Anyway, I looked different too because I was dressed down in ugly gym attire and with my hair tied up. I didn't think he would even do that since I had not talked to him at all whenever he goes to my office to provide IT assistance to the high level officers.

After telling them and the excitement had died down, including me imagining that he asked me out for lunch, hahhaha, I convinced myself that it is nothing. It's just a freaking SMILE. And then I have to snap out of it. But at the same time, I also sadly think that it's nothing because he's such a fit person where else I am only attempting to be fit, haha. Even if I regularly go gym and fitness classes simply because I enjoy them, one look at me you will never guess, haha. I'm like so the opposite of a fit person.

Anyway, I hate to put myself down because I  believe every woman has her own worth and it's measured beyond physical appearance. But it's always the first thought in mind if we get rejected or when we start to compare ourselves to others making us so damn insecure.

Why must we torture ourselves with such mental games when we are worth much more than that. After writing this out, I hope to clear my head and start focusing more on myself and to move beyond putting myself down. There's so many things I want to learn and improve which I believe will increase the quality of my life. I think that getting more involved in things that interest me will hopefully distract me from often thinking negatively about myself.

Also, telling myself not to think too much and at the end of the day, the movies and dramas that I watch, they are just acting. 

Monday, December 10, 2018

Real & Reel Love

This weekend I watched two Korean shows. One was an hour and a half long movie and the other was a mini series. I wanted to talk a little more about the movie because I thought that it was really moving and at the same time, made you wonder if they were really in love or were they just method acting. By the way, method acting is a way of acting where the actor would get totally immersed into the character and when taken a little too far, it was hard for them to distinguish between real and reel life character. In this case, a veteran actor, who developed feelings for his co star, who acted for the first time but in real life, was an idol adored by many.

People online were debating whether these two really fell in love with each other while rehearsing and getting into their respective roles. Or where they just 'method acting'. To be honest, I clearly understood where they were coming from because towards the end of the movie, the idol was clearly acting the role well in the play, so much so, the veteran actor was fumbling a little, because it was too close to reality the feelings that they share between each other.

But from my perspective, the idol was clearly very upset because of the things said during the press conference when the veteran actor denied the allegations and merely subjected their closeness to method acting to be fully immersed in their roles. Prior to that at the backstage, the idol wanted the relationship to be public after many were talking about their recent instagram pics that was taken during their escapade after declaring their feelings to each other in the garage. However, their escapade was cut short when the wife/girlfriend (this was not made clear in the movie) had followed the posts and knew where the veteran actor, whom she was dating, had taken their little 'romantic getaway' to. She lashed out at him after seeing him make out at the stage where they were supposedly not in a rehearsal. And also how cold he had been treating her lately.

During the play, the role was being used as a channel to vent the frustration of losing their love to a point where the idol decided not to latch up the noose to the safety hook during the suicide scene and the rope connecting them actually choked them for real. Luckily, the actor managed to grab the idol by the feet and pull her down to the stage before things got worse. Prior to the closing where they would bow in front of the audience, the idol declared that the role was being played perfectly.

The veteran actor got a little lost and wondered if all the time he was being played back at his own game when he denied their relationship. But the truth was revealed to us the audience when the idol went to the waiting, and dropped the smile portrayed to the hoards of screaming fans showing disappointment.

There was no denying that this wasn't them method acting. They had indeed fallen in love. I was upset that they did not pursue the relationship and felt the pain, more for the idol who had changed for the better because initially, was acting very bratty about taking on the role. But I also felt the ending was fine though it wasn't quite a happy ending (Seriously, who doesn't like one). The play was over, he went back to his partner though from the looks of it, was still hung up from the love lost between them. The idol was set to become even more popular after the success of the plays where the reviewers were writing glowing reviews right after the play. But what was popularity when you have just lost in the game of love.

Thursday, December 06, 2018

The Great Pretender

There are a lot pretenders around and they will fake their personality for the sake of social points, positive feedback and approval. You don't think much of it except that perhaps this person is being overly friendly and then something triggered, you get taken aback by the words he or she say or the action. It can be a total 180 degrees turn.

I had one such encounter yesterday. While I take part of the blame because I thought that my lack of action to look for him when he clearly had said what he was wearing and where he was and yet, I didn't go all the way there and instead roamed around like a lost child looking for her mummy. I was supposed to meet up with him to deliver a good but silly me, I don't get how come I didn't put in much effort to look for this poor guy who had been standing quite awhile since he came earlier.

While I could have sworn I did go up there but perhaps he had not made his way there or something, I dunno. I wasn't late too because I arrived earlier but spent that early part looking for him before our agreed meet up time. What shocked me was his sudden rude sentence in his chat with a few !!!! and then within that seconds of him texting I managed to find him and his face was so black. This was a far cry from his previous texts that depicted him as very friendly or warm, however you described it, like basically not as nasty as this.

I didn't retaliate but just gave the good and thank him and walked away quickly. I also do not know if he regretted writing that because shortly, he wrote a positive feedback saying that I was 'punctual'. I hesitated to return the feedback but whatever. I did say it was my fault earlier too for not looking hard enough for him.

Though it was a short sentence, it kinda lingered up to now and further cemented the fact that people would say or do anything to sweeten things up sort of like an extra credit. It's also a way to get you to do things for them. This goes for work, deals between potential clients, family members and etc. Running an online shop has let me to run into such diverse encounters with people online mostly. Honestly it's annoying as hell but just like real life, there are many types of people. Many feel like they're so freaking entitled and yet they ask for more than they are willing to pay for. 

I think the only way to deal with such negativity from such people is of course, to stay away from them, but if you have this encounters due to business or work, you just have to try your best not to lose your cool (like I did after receiving that angry text) and then vent out your frustration by sharing it with someone or writing it out. Whichever way it is, basically just rant and then do not think about it and if there are any learning points, like in my instance, to follow the instructions closely, then learn from it.

Basically you just need to move on and look forward. I am pretty sure these are just like 0.1% of annoying people and the rest are all nice like how a basic human being should be. Letting go of the past, especially the negative aspects, can give you a more positive outlook in life. So let's enter 2019 with the hope we are able to have more positive experiences with people who appreciate your work rather than just being bossy, judgmental and what have they, to bring you down.

Sunday, November 25, 2018

How Far Do We Go To Have Beautiful Flawless Looking Skin?

I watched this video recently by a popular Korean beauty youtuber which has about 1 million views and it set me thinking if it's necessary for us to go to through the trouble to have perfect and flawless looking skin. Is it a must? What happens if we don't have such extensive beauty regime?

Most of us want to look good and then we have so many beauty products and services to cater to our different beauty needs. For me, I love make up but for me to give in most times and keep buying and accumulating, it’s honestly quite a waste of money knowing how precious money is to me. But I still like make up, haha. But recently, I’ve cut down even further in buying  make up and put more emphasis towards skin care. 

My skin isn’t as youthful as back then in my twenties which honestly, I didn’t really take care of either around that age too, haha. I seemed to hold this thought that since I am not going to be in a relationship, isn’t that pretty anyway, why go through all the trouble of dolling myself up and taking good care of my skin. Also, we are all going to be old one day too. So in short, no point for me to go all the trouble.

But that was the thing. I should not have thought of it that way. Even if there is nobody for me to impress, I should be taking care of myself for me. That means, my health, both physical and mental and my outer appearance. I have come a long way from that phase and even if I still lack sorely behind women my age and even much younger, who takes great pride in their skin care routine so they will look flawless, at least I got a bit more than the basics covered.Recently, I have been quite fascinated by the K Beauty. Actually, many people are too because their skin looked amazing, whether they are celebrities or just regular people on the streets, the Koreans seemed to be top notch when it comes to their beauty routines.  Upon finding out more about what they do to achieve such “glass like” skin, my goodness, I don’t think I can reach even a quarter of their daily morning and night routine, haha. It’s so comprehensive! And ahem, some are like totally redundant? But who am I to say because I am no beauty expert either.

I do think, however, some are totally adoptable. So my beauty routine has expanded a bit recently, thanks to their influence. I know I cannot have totally flawless looking skin like them but to achieve a brighter and more youthful looking skin, I think it’s somewhat achievable. My practice now includes micellar water and toner to cleanse and wipe off the dirt and impurities after my face gets exposed to the harsh weather elements. To see how much make up is on the cotton pad even though I don’t really use heavy make up to work, and cleaning my face, it is amazing how these products work. After prepping my skin, I then moisturise it. So while I used to only have one moisturiser for day use, now I have it for night time too. I stopped some time back but I decided that I cannot slack anymore so I started using one before I go to sleep.

The night time is the best time to prep your skin such as the above, and to also include using a facial mask once every few days, because this is the time our skin rejuvenates and renews itself. t’s also free from any make up traces, if you have actually done the first step of removing it completely first prior to prepping, so it’s just pure rejuvenation.So that is it, in regards to taking care of my own beauty. I know many others who go for facials at some beauty spa or by beauticians and I just cannot bring myself to do that, haha. I know it goes further than just the regular cleansing and toning. You go more skin deep. I’m fine with  my current regime, thank you.

My colleague, however, has gone for such facial treatment sessions and one of them is skin peeling, which means, removing the first layer of skin or epidermis, to reveal the newer skin below. It takes several treatment to do that and that is why such sessions do not come cheap. If they are cheap, well, if you are willing to take the risk, then you just pray hard that no harm comes your way such as a breakout. But even then, if our skin is too sensitive, even the more expensive treatments, might turn out to be harmful.

For her, while others have been heaping praise on how much fairer she looks, according to her, so I think those treatments might just be working even if she didn’t pay much for it. I don’t really see much difference because it’s just me, I don’t really look at people much when talking, haha. But when I did see her face, even before she passed such remarks to my other colleagues, I see her skin as looking rather patchy like there are a lot dry flaky spots. Brighter looking but patchy? No thanks, haha.

The point is, how far are we willing to go for the sake of beauty, for people to heap compliments on us, or for us to feel good about ourselves? I really do not think it’s wrong if people want to subject themselves to these sometimes painful process, to get better and younger looking skin. But it shouldn’t be to a point we need people’s validations to make ourselves feel better, you know? Like for me, I don’t care if I’m average looking or my skin isn’t as bright as other women, but if to me, this is how I roll with my looks, so be it. 

I still feel a little vulnerable but I don’t let it get to my head too long because I’m stuck with this look, you know? haha..and even if I have a choice to go for plastic surgery, to reduce the size of my nose, have cheekbones, I still wouldn’t want to do that. So the next best thing to do is to make myself look and feel pretty, with good quality make up to enhance my looks and to take good care of my skin too so I still look pleasant as my age increases.

So I think we shouldn’t feel lesser of ourselves just because we don’t go for facial treatments, have 10 step beauty skin care and wears very little or no make up unlike others. When you feel more confident from the inside, and less critical of ourselves, in addition to having a warm personality that is well liked by others, I’m sure we will do just fine. True beauty comes from within too :)

Tuesday, November 20, 2018

Embarking on A Healthier Lifestyle Journey

One of the things that I enjoy doing is going for fitness classes. You've probably read this a few times in my blog and I have been doing this since April 2017. I started with Zumba, alone, with a group of strangers, and it was nerve wrecking. Suddenly I had to do all these fast paced movements, while moving to the music, and catching up with the instructor, then I got overwhelmed by it. 

I would have given up but it was pretty fun and I ended up going for different types fitness classes, to places where I could reach on time, or almost, after work. After Zumba, I liked Strong by Zumba which I thought was so tough and so different from Zumba despite sharing almost the same name. I still don't get why it is called Zumba where it is basically Cardio and strength training workouts done to the tempo of music. But I liked the synchronised movement which I could catch up better than Zumba and though initially, I kept telling myself not to faint because it could get pretty exhausting with all the jumping, burpees and what nots,  I began to treasure those wind down moments and focus on my breathing.  And it became manageable. The breaks in between helped too as it allows your body to recover for a little while before going on to the next quadrant which will be tougher than the previous one.

Actually, I'm not really here to talk about just fitness. I'm doing it for health and because I wanted to do something else besides just going to gym on Sundays. But a healthy lifestyle isn't about fitness only. It's also about being able to eat right.

Our diet plays a bigger part and to be honest, while I try to avoid or cut down certain foods, I still think my diet needs to be revamped.  For example, I would tell myself I am allowed to eat a burger or a bun because I just did a HIIT workout earlier. So I ate a cheeseburger :D

Anyway, I am going to be a little tough on myself to get my sh*t together in terms of the food I consume. We should stop the mentality that oh just because we exercise, we are allowed to slack a little over the food we consume. No. Diet and exercise goes hand in hand. I don't think you would want to waste all the times you spent at the gym or those fitness classes by ruining your diet.

I want to see progress, like serious physical progress, and though I do feel stronger and healthier, I don't really feel like I see any other progress as in the physical body change. I don't want to remain this shape forever. I want to look leaner and though I tell myself this all the time to do something about it, I don't really put in much effort.

And then I get frustrated if I see no changes, lol.

Anyway, I want to do this for myself. I also don't want to feel happy only after I look a certain way or reach a certain weight. Happiness comes from within. We should be happy with ourselves at any size or any shape but the point of wanting to have a healthier lifestyle, is for the long term as well. It's not just about wanting to look aesthetically pleasing. It's also about how we feel in general. If losing weight helps to raise our confidence level, boost our self esteem, raise our energy level, why not?

Body positivity is also about loving your body and yourself beyond the physical appearance. But currently, I don't think I am loving my body enough and hence why I am not so careful with the types of food I eat in general.

Starting last weekend, I made small changes to my diet and while it seems tough, such as changing the sauce to a less fat option for the salad and tasted a little bleh, over time I can overcome this. I should pay more attention to the foods that goes into my mouth. Because it will make a difference in the long run.

From the videos I watched on you tube, it is not going to be easy. Ordinary people like me, when they embark on this journey, goes through a series of emotions and the feeling of wanting to give up because they are so used to their previous unhealthy lifestyle and this new fitness and diet routine is the totally opposite of it. Even in the midst of their challenge, they experience a little slacking but they don't like oh off it, I might as well go back to my old lifestyle habits. In fact, they motivate themselves to work harder to make up for the time they had slacked of by eating unhealthy. 

The point is, it's okay to slack a little, and it's not the end of the world if you have eaten a cookie. But to consider this as a lifestyle which means we will just go back into the groove because this is our life and we have made a commitment to ourselves to be healthier.

So wish me luck and hopefully I will be more successful this time. I know I should be doing this for myself but I can't help but think if my crush at the gym will notice the difference when we come back after the gym reopens after renovation in mid December. Then he will be curious and finally start talking to me, haha. Oh wishful thinking ;p

Saturday, November 17, 2018

Being Addicted

Okay, I have been a little obsessive over this web drama and actually it was from two years ago. I had seen snippets on youtube but maybe because I watched the wrong snippets that it kinda put me off watching as it gave me a wrong impression.

I actually watch different genres of shows because I don't have a specific favourite but I liked those that kept me wanting to watch more of it. It can be in other languages too and of course it would be super useful if there is English subtitles.

When I came across this poster outside a Coach boutique at Raffles City, I was so excited coz that face looked so familiar because I had been watching and re-watching the very show that made him famous. It wasn't a conventional drama but about an unusual friendship forged between two high school students of different backgrounds but who turned out to be step brothers.

It was adapted from a novel written by a woman who, ahem, must have loved all this BL stuffs (look it up, I am not going to define it here, haha!). But to me, it went beyond that because most of the time, it was very heartwarming, between friends and families, and I felt all of the characters were well played from the blur but wise and funny father and two of their other classmates who were squabbling constantly with each other. But when it came to their friend called Bai Luo Yin, played by the guy in the poster, they came together to assist and show their concern. Of course there was a sense of jealousy among them too fighting for his attention. In other words, they wanted a piece of him because even when he at times appeared to have a strong and stubborn character, he was really a good and caring friend but wouldn't tell you in your face that he was being nice to them. He was also full of pride despite his family background and poor status, where his mother left his dad for a better future, and then trying to win back his love unsuccessfully, once she managed to snag herself a wealthy high ranking military officer. Even then, he didn't cave in and stuck to his dad despite his idiosyncrasies and how their house was almost falling apart as they were too poor.

And then in came Gu Hai, a rich boy and the son of Bai Luo Yin's mother's new husband, who came to the new high school to start afresh and as a sign of protest against his father's marriage. He had also blamed his father for his mother's death which he thought was quite suspicious. Through some initial unfriendly encounter in class, Gu Hai started to be fascinated by Bai Luo Yin, who despite being aloof and sleepy most times in class, turned out to be very smart and with a strong personality  He was also known to be the most good looking too. Gu Hai and Luo Yin were often teasing each other and playing pranks in class but Gu Hai said that he was just doing that to him. 

He started to follow him, know a little more about his family background, and then started to inch his way into his life, and also his home life. Despite the initial resistance, Luo Yin or Yin Zhe, as he is affectionately known, started to open up more to him slowly seeing how Gu Hai was not as bad as he seemed to be. 

Even though Gu Hai was rich, he willingly made himself poorer by riding to and fro from school on a bike, when he actually owned cars, one which he then used when he tracked down his girlfriend, and living temporarily in a run down rental room. All this because he wanted to get closer to Yin Zhe and that he enjoyed the company of Yin Zhe's family too, who welcomed him with open arms and valued his friendship with Yin Zhe.

In return, Gu Hai helped the family through his own connections with his family background, which Yin Zhe was against at first, but Gu Hai only had good intentions. Yin Zhe then revealed he know that Gu Hai was rich all along but he didn't know until a bit later, that Gu Hai turned out to be his step brother from the family he despised. 

They fought a little but eventually made up thinking about all the good times they had spent together before this revelation.

I did think that some parts were cringeworthy, like totally unnecessary, but I guess because the show wanted the audience to know how possessive and crazy one can get in trying to 'win' back the love and friendship that he had painstakingly forged between them. Also how Gu Hai, tried to 'flirt' with him, because they shared a bed in Yin Zhe's house, when he ended up staying over every night. Yin Zhe found it so annoying because all he wanted was to sleep and he had to deal with this guy who just can't give him his peace.

But the sweet thing was that when Gu Hai was late, because he was in his car after trailing his soon to be ex girlfriend, he called him to ask for his whereabouts. That was when Gu Hai felt touched that despite being heartbroken, and how Yin Zhe treated him indifferently, he was actually showing his concern when he wanted to.

The show actually stopped abruptly when Yin Zhe's ex girlfriend (also, Gu Hai's ex girlfriend was a psycho too, haha) made a surprise appearance in their class. This was due to China's ban on LGBT dramas. However, it made the characters stars and increased their popularity. And that was how the poster came about too :DDD

Anyway, below is the poster for the show called Addicted if you're interested. But please, come and watch with an open mind or just skip those parts that, well, were a little off, haha.

Monday, November 12, 2018

Being Judged For Our Physical Apperance

It's hard being plus sized. And it's harder when people judge you and make generalisations that to them may be harmless, or maybe to them they're just speaking the truth. Things like being plus sized means being lazy, unattractive and so on and while earlier I said they think that these are harmless statements but honestly, it can be hurting and makes us feel as though we're not worth it unless we are of certain size or beauty standards.

When I watched the video above, I felt for that girl and couldn't imagine the anguish she was going through with the kind of guys she had to date in secret because of her size. And how shops turned her away because they don't carry her sizes. Even in foreign label shops, finding plus sized clothes that fit her well would be like treasure hunting. 

To be in a country where physical appearance is everything, and an advantage to have even for work, because a majority of them thinks that it is normal to be attractive that those that do not match up that standards, are willing to go under the knife, just to make a better impression. And having been exposed to the media where most of the actors and singers are idolised because of their physical appearance and talent.

For me personally, I also can't help but think about whether my overall physical appearance that is not of a typical beauty standard in Singapore, is hampering my ability to attract guys even for a casual friendship. I also cannot help but think at times, if it's because I don't look like most girls in the gym with their on point sports attire, he's not talking to me despite months of bumping into each other almost every Sunday. The only point of consolation is that he may be married because he doesn't talk to other girls as well but with other guys. And these guys are also not the buffed up types like him but average guys who are just talking casually with him.

Hey if he doesn't judge them, probably he doesn't judge me either :DDD but why isn't he still not talking to me? Haha..I can imagine if one day, if he were to say hi to me, I would smile or grin like crazy for daysssssss.

If it weren't for my outlook towards relationship, aka not looking for one, this can be rather depressing. I can start to think about how something is wrong with me. And it can be rather depressing when people assume plus sized girls are of this size because we are careless of our diet and our health in general. The truth is, there are many of plus sized girls who do take care of themselves. While I am not on a heavier side, I still consider myself as plus sized as I am bigger than an average female build though in the past, at my heaviest, I was clearly at my lowest point. Back then, it was even harder to accept because I worked with others around my age and they were far skinnier than me or even if they were not, they still were smaller than me. Also, when you are in your twenties, that would be when you start to work and mingle with a lot of people and you would reach a stage where you you felt that something was wrong with you if you didn't look a certain way.

Because of that, I went on a crazy diet and I looked skinny af but the truth was, I wasn't healthy. Food made me nauseous and I just didn't feel like eating at all most times. I exercised quite a lot and I was willing to travel all the way back to office from my work attachment just to work out.

While I am no longer on a crazy diet, I am still pretty careful with my food choices though it wouldn't overwhelm me to an extent that I would eat very little like previously. I still work out three times a week at least and try my best not to miss out a workout and even work around my meet ups either after that or the day before or after my work out day. It's become a part of my life to an extent, even if I have work activities that day, let's say some team planning or learning journey, and would rather head home to rest, I head to my fitness location wherever it would be.

But the thing is, have I experienced extreme weight loss from my careful food choices or through my regular work out? The truth is, no. In fact, I experience fluctuating weight that can be rather frustrating because  I can lose, say 1 kg, and then regain back the week after. And it's not as though I went on a food binge or miss out the workout for that week, haha.

Yet I would tell myself that I still would continue to work out and eat right as much as possible even if it doesn't seem to make a significant difference to how I look physically. It's still a bitter pill to swallow because I'm still a girl who can't help but think if there's something wrong with me appearance wise. 

For example, wanting to look like a majority of the girls who go for these fitness classes and being able to have those legs that can fit the leggings or tight exercise pants without looking chunky. I won't deny that I hate my thighs but even at my lowest weight back then when I was quite obsessed, they were not small. I also sometimes wish I have a smaller stomach and smaller lower abs so I don't make the rolls so obvious, haha.

Despite that feeling, I tell myself that I am here because I want to be responsible for my health. I go through these killer moves because I enjoy them though they're super tiring. It makes me feel good after this. I liked how my friend puts it; it doesn't matter what work out, the point is, I keep moving and being consistent.

I also feel that I am being judged, though no one has said it explicitly to me, that while I work out, why do I still look like there is no difference. But it doesn't matter because it's non of their concern. I am doing this for me. 

So that's the hard truth of being plus sized. While we can generally accept ourselves and love ourselves, no matter what size we are in, there is still some feelings of insecurities. But the point is, we have to remember that at the end of the day, we want to be healthier and look good for ourselves and not to please others.

They are plenty of guys that will love you for who you are. I've personally seen these guys in real life being in a relationship with girls who are of plus sized. They're not jerks like the guys the girl in the video described them as. So there is still hope for her and I am glad she is making waves in the modelling world and wishes her success :)

Being Lost in Fantasy Versus The Actual Reality

Many of us like to get lost in the land of fantasy, whether dreaming about it, reading fiction stories and watching dramas or movies. I personally like to dream or watch dramas..well, not all dramas, but usually those that spark my interest and then I can totally get myself lost and immersed in the storylines.

I also liked those storylines where after several obstacles, everything seemed to work out in the end. And I start to dream and fantasise about how wonderful it would be if this were to happen to me in reality.

But the truth is, in reality, things may not go as planned or as well as we want it to be. I got myself into a mess several times, and one that is pretty big at the moment, I don't really know how to totally get out if it. I can certainly try to claw my way out slowly and as soon as possible, perhaps with a little help, so that I can carry on my life as per normal.

In the midst of all this mind chaos, I do think about what have I done wrong in life. Or maybe in my past life too. Did I do bad things in the past or in the present moment too that I am denied to experience the good things life has to offer. Is it that I am lacking of gratitude of the many things that I have which I ought to be grateful for? Am I too caught up with my vision of a perfect life that I refuse to accept the harsh realities of life?

My fantasy life is perhaps fuelled by what I see online and even though they're merely storylines, and they're just people like us in real. Maybe with just a little bit more star power, I guess, haha. There was a video interview done street style about how obsessed people can be with these dramas. I guess one of the commenters spoke the truth when she said that she loved K dramas because she got to be immersed in them and forget about real life which can be depressing and once it has ended, she quickly got immersed in another one just to get out of the current funk.

Is our lives in general is getting too complicated or difficult that it is ok to live in a world of fantasy? Honestly, it can be a matter of separating what is real and what is fantasy and not to be too caught up with the latter. Because in reality, we have people to love, even if well..maybe our spouse may not have the looks and the bod of the lead character, haha..but he can be so endearing, kind and caring and that matters more, right? And then friendships forged over the years that remain strong or become stronger and having those friends support you during your difficult times and treasuring the friendship.

Whatever the circumstances, the reality is here to stay and we can choose to give ourselves a happy ending or at least a glimmer of hope that life is worth living and that not everybody has a chance to be in our situation which can be far better than theirs in so many ways. I don't think it's wrong to fantasise what our life would be because it may not be like how we envisioned it to be in the end but it can be pretty close to what we want it to be. Through sheer hard work and dedication and also a positive mindset that some things can be done to make our lives better, I believe I can forge a road that I can be proud of someday, never mind if there is no prince charming to sweep me off my feet :)

Monday, October 15, 2018

Learning New Skills in Life

Last month, I learnt a new skill which was modern calligraphy and though it was just a 3 hour workshop and there was a pretty big group, the two trainers tried their best to help us during the session. Many of the talented people are self taught and I don't know if I should categorise myself in this because there are things that I basically learnt off the internet and by studying other people's works. But ultimately, we learn a lot through trials and error and hours and hours of practice just to get better. Modern calligraphy or brush calligraphy is one of the hot things to learn and people of all ages can learn as well. Though I picked up on the skills a few years ago, I didn't quite act on them as much because man was it really hard..like harder than I imagined. So I got tired and well, you can say that I got lazy as well.

I decided to sign up for this workshop because well, it would be paid by them provided I come. And I know just it would be so popular and when they mentioned in the email what time they would be opening up the slots, I watched the clock like a hawk, haha. Outside, these workshops, depending on the skill level, can even go up to $150 for a 3 hour class. But most of the time, it would include materials as well besides of course, paying for the instructor. 

I am glad that I still keep this hobby in mind despite the initial difficulties. The trend just kept riding high and high and if you do a search on youtube or instagram, so many people are into this. There are many variations of the name depending on what they specialise in. 

Sometimes, they would couple it up with learning other crafty skills as well such as floral wreath or watercoloring. This is interesting because if you can act on this hobby by improving your skills and practising, if possible, every single day, people will begin to notice your work if you put them up on social media that is. For me, I think it is a great way for me to integrate modern calligraphy into my card designs because it gives that nice touch instead of just using generic designs. I don't think my skills are up there yet but it was really nice to have been praised by the instructor herself for our graduation piece which I did based on a quote. 

You can see my own piece below, the one with the floral drawings. 

I've been a little busy with orders and I normally practise a little during my lunch time where I am mostly free after eating.  Finding pockets of time to do the things you love or learning can add up. Rather than just saying oh, you don't have time for this or that, the thing is, you have to find time. Whether going for exercise, running, earning some side income..and so on...it's a matter of prioritise and not being too caught up with just work and other serious stuffs.

Also, I find that when you learn new skills, you are also adding meaning to your life because honestly, being on a somewhat fixed routine can feel so mundane like you just want get it over and done with. Honestly, I do feel that way at times but more so in the past as if my life is so monotonous. And having problems at times too, would make me feel even worse and starting to question my existence on earth. While we all have good days and some bad days, I think the best way is to not let it get to ur head too much and just slowly get ourselves involved in activities that we enjoy ourselves in. It may time to find those activities to our liking but you'll never know, you will find one where you just can get immersed in because it just makes you happy or feel good about yourself. And especially so when you get to share your newfound skills with other people, make new friends and be involved together with other people who share the same interest as you as well. 

Once I know of my fight-do instructor who teaches Zumba as well but her day job is at A*Star where they do mostly Scientific research. So you can imagine how uptight the environment would be and then you end off work and going to a more 'fun' work teaching people Zumba or Fight-Do. Just wow.

So let us all aim to at least learn one new skill before the year draws to a close this year :))

Tuesday, September 25, 2018

Being Nearly Broke

Last week, I was not doing well financially to a point I felt like I have lost everything. It was difficult for me to come to grips with what could have gone wrong because I felt that last few months I managed to get it all together. Sure it was not perfect and there were some highs and lows. But to get to that position, I feel like such a freaking loser and there’s nothing I can do much about it. But what kept me going is knowing that life goes on and to take each day one at a time. I try my best to earn some money here and there from my little side business and instead of saving the money in full, I had to resort to using them to pay for food and other expenses to keep the family going. I don’t try to think too much about it because I just have to keep moving and not feeling sorry or depressed. Sure I can’t help feeling low but I just need to trust in God and pray to Him to ease this challenging situation.

There are times I feel certain things that happen in our life is to make us re-think our way of life and forcing us to make changes or sacrifices. Yes it does suck and that it fees like everything is falling apart. But slowly but surely, we have to come to terms with it. And living in the NOW. What can you do right now to make things more bearable. I know if I can focus on those small wins, it’s easier to cope with life’s challenges. At the same time, it gives me hope to rebuild my life, and trying my best not to face the same situation again.

Also I feel that not thinking too much about it helps to make it more bearable although I know I can’t really run away from my problem, haha. But I do know I’m already doing my best and as Long as I continue to keep my hopes and dreams alive, these would be mere obstacles. I still want to continue my studies and I still want to amass wealth for emergency. Keeping myself busy helps to distract too. Like going for workout classes, watching Netflix and making cards for my orders.

I don’t know how people can get their life together even when things weren't so rosy looking for them. But can say 90% of the time, they are on track. Why? They don’t get easily discouraged obstacles or distractions. They just basically focus on getting things done. Focus on the NOW.

I’ve just received my salary and I’m adopting some habits from the time I was nearly broke. I don’t know if it’s enough still to last until my next pay but I’m trying not to think too far. I just try to hustle my way and hopefully, things will work out better than it was before.

If you are caught in the same rut as me, all the best to you too :)

Sunday, September 09, 2018

Night Out at the Singapore Night Festival 2018

Some time ago, we had the Singapore Night Festival 2018 and it was interesting to see exhibitions revolving around the creative use of light in different colours and not just the typical white. Some were interactive and big in size where you had to manipulate the objects to create to turn on the light. There were also some that used recycled objects. As usual, these were popular and at the same time, captivating. While we didn't go to every exhibition, we still managed to visit some of them and it was quite a walk too, haha. But it was held over two weekends and the second weekend was more bustling as they had live performances and food stalls. But we were not so keen because it would be so packed and walking would be quite impossible among the crowds.

Here, I am sharing some pictures taken from the Singapore Night Festival 2018. 

Saturday, September 01, 2018

The Art of Falling in Love..And We're not Really Invisible to Others

Recently, I watched two coming of age shows on Netflix about finding love, who you really are, being in cliques and about dealing with stuffs that most of their age go through. It's a roller coaster ride and kinda makes me feel like I'm missing out a lot in life at this age haha. Today, I watched "To all the boys I've loved before" because I've heard talks about it being really good and a refreshing take on the lead being an Asian American.

But the storyline is not about being Asian and trying to fit in but rather, it's about finding love when you least expect it though somehow I kinda suspect that they would end up as a couple. It started off with the lead writing letters to her crushes and then putting stamps on the envelopes, not knowing that they would somehow would be released and her crushes would read them. They wanted clarifications even if the letters were written about the times they spent with each other way back then when they were much younger.

But one of the letters did bring about an unlikely pairing between the lead and the romantic interest who was a jock and had just broken up with his girlfriend who cheated on him with a college guy. He wanted to show that well, she missed out on him and then they made a contract to start this fake relationship. Of course, we all know how it ended but there was a curveball being thrown that made me think well maybe, they won't end up with each other.

Coz he wasn't her first crush who was actually her neighbour and former best friend until he dated her sister. He wanted her clarifications on the letter but always seemed to be shut off by her, poor thing though. He himself didn't think that she and that jock would end up with each other like she didn't seem to be her type anyway and how she seemed too nice to be with a guy like him. But that's the thing. We don't necessarily have to fit in a 'type' in order to go out with someone like you're assuming that, oh jocks would only date cheerleaders and not some random geeky girl from school.

The heart likes what it likes, right? Just like Magnus, a warlock, can end up falling in love and being in a committed relationship with Alec the Shadowhunters even though both the factions have quite a history, though not often pleasant. Sorry, shadow hunters reference.

But anyway, you could somehow tell that Peter, the jock, was slowly falling in love with her but she seemed rather dense to not notice. I did anyway, lol.

They made a pact to spend time with each other as part of being in this fake relationship but slowly, they opened up to each other more and more on things they don't share with people. For example, about how he felt when his dad left his family and finding out he had married and had a kid. For her, it was about her mum who had died when she was younger. That not each day passed by without thinking about her. She also opened up about how it affected her thinking about love and how she felt scared letting people into her life knowing that they would leave her one day, just like her mum.

Anyway, this isn't a review but rather my thoughts on it. I think that it is a nice movie overall and while it is quite a typical teenage love story but it is a little different too because of it is an inter-racial couple and that the lead is an Asian American. The book writer insisted on the lead being an Asian rather than a Caucasian, knowing how Hollywood just loves to change the settings to suit the masses.

But other than that, I like the little nuggets of wisdom as shared by the characters, both lead and supporting, and one that resonated most with me, is that we often think that we are invisible to people. Like we often expect people to understand us but are we also doing that to others, likewise? Do we actually stop to think why people treat us like that especially when you were best friends and then  soon after, it went downhill, and that you think the person was just being uncool with you. But have we also thought about our own actions and thoughts that could have contributed to this failed friendship?

As for the lead and her romantic interest, halfway through the movie, they got together but things quickly got sour because of the presence of the former girlfriend who tried to stir the pot as she was jealous of their relationship.  I was a little frustrated that she didn't want to listen to him out. He even went all the way to her house to explain what actually happened but she was not having any of it. 

Because she felt as though everything and everyone was against her but the truth is, when we close ourselves off, we don't realise people are reaching out to us but we keep blocking them off. Believe me, she was doing that a lot in the movie. I seriously pitied the first guy she ever loved and he was her neighbour so imagine the proximity and yet she kept refusing to talk it out with him. 

In reality, we often fear the worst. We let our minds be populated by negative thoughts even though saying the truth, and which often people just need to hear, may hurt. But it's still the truth and at the very least, it can help to clear the air.

The other learning point that I liked, which was also the main reason why he started to fall in love with her, was how she helped him to cope with his feelings towards his dad. That he might seem angry about the whole divorce thing, and that how his dad could actually start his own family and being seemingly happier. The truth was that you can be mad at someone but actually miss them too.

For the other movie called Alex Strangelove, well it is a little bit more crude and with coarse language, but I liked the ending. Of course it took him a long while to finally follow his heart's desire but again, I enjoyed seeing how  his face light up seeing the name on the screen and how he confessed that he actually liked someone else, while making out with his girlfriend, haha. Basically he was sick and tired of people assuming things about him and trying to blend in with the rest of the crowd as though he was not allowed to stand out.

In the process, he hurt the people he was close to and was getting close to because he could not accept the truth because of some thing that happened in the past. However, we got a happy ending where he looked at himself in the mirror and started to think that heck, this is me, take it or leave it. This is who I truly want to embrace....and promptly went in search for that one true love :))

Monday, August 20, 2018

Learning to Ride a Bike Mostly On His Own

If you  live in Singapore, this is a common sight where bicycles were strewn almost everywhere especially in certain places. It's based on a bike sharing app where you can download an app, pay a small fee, and then use the same app to unlock the bicycle.

Previously, we had to pay a deposit about $40 but ever since the big hoohaa over one of the service providers taking all the paid deposits after closing down, leaving hundreds stranded, they removed the compulsory deposit.

And that was where we came in, haha.

So my brother didn't know how to ride a bike. He did try in the past but it failed with him falling with bad scratches. Now this guy could drive a tonner, that huge army vehicle that you sometimes see on the road and smaller army vehicles and also military ambulance.

But he could not ride a bike.

So that kinda put a damper but he put off wanting to ride a bike for so long until they removed the deposit and he started to do some research as to how the charging was like now without the deposit. He thought that this time it was manageable like you choose how much you want to top up your account and then you utilise it until it is finished and then you top up again.

The first time he tried to ride again, we went to Punggol near to Waterway Point and we took some time to walk all the way down where it was less crowded. Now I didn't ride a bike for the longest time too, can safely since 2000, haha. But I tried my best to give him some pointers as and where I could and to be patient as well like putting myself into his shoes.

He tried to follow some but the rest he had to learn by himself such as learning to balance and then pedalling without often moving to the side off balance. It took him two hours to learn and he only managed to cycle very very short distance until he lost his balance again.

Look how sweaty he was, hehe

So freaking tired but it was fun still

As my brother is currently waiting for a chance to be interviewed, aka unemployed, when he can, he tried to practise more. He struggled but he was more determined the more he tried and he got better at the same time too.

The distance got longer and he could ride without being off balance most times. Of course he is still not perfect, but the fact that he tried and tried really showed his strong determination, like saying hey ' i got this'. 

One time, he tried to follow the park connectors at the East Coast Park but he was struggling. But he tried again using another set of park connectors and eventually, he cycled for almost 3 hours ending his journey at Marina Bay. Now that is some feat for a very new and amateur cyclist.

He didn't cycle all the way through. Those paths or slopes he didn't have too much confidence, he would unmount and pushed the bike. Even when he was feeling tired, he would do the same too. But the fact that he persevered was something to be proud of.

I had yet to follow him in a similar adventure like this and hope to one day be able to cycle along the park connectors with him. But he is starting his part-time job soon so I feel that at the very least, he achieved something in life and I hope he adopts this same learning attitude for other things as well.

Tuesday, July 31, 2018

When Will People Stop Giving Themselves Excuses

Sometimes, I feel like we give ourself too many excuses. It's just a way of covering up that we just don't want to do it and then are compelled to give 101 excuses to so called escape from doing it. Why do we want to sabotage ourselves when it is going to be for the better in the long run.

For example, when we say we are going to exercise because we are gaining weight, have difficulty walking and wish to adopt a healthier lifestyle...after that proceeding to give 101 excuses on why we can't spare the time to exercise. And then we lament about how why are we putting on even more weight?

Go figure.

Honestly, I'm tired about people giving themselves and others excuses. I mean you have strong reasons why you need the money even more than before and then you have been given the opportunity to achieve this which happens to be a golden opportunity as it was very hard to convince the boss. And especially when the difficult situation that you are in right now, makes the opportunity even more precious than before.

And then you proceed to give up or delay this opportunity because again, you think about the inconveniences that you foresee if you proceed to take this up. However you don't think about how it actually will benefit you, never mind if you need to sacrifice certain things and the initial difficulties that you have to overcome, and also how it will also affect others.

I know people are going to think that oh, you can't assume this and that because you are not in their shoes. You don't know what is actually going on. You only know one side of the story.

The thing is, I get upset when I hear people pouring their hearts out why certain things don't go their way and why they have to be in such difficulties.

I mean, that's life. It's not going to be easy each day. There are just bound to have hiccups or experience sudden changes that can throw your life 360 degrees around. But you know about the saying that yes we don't always have control over certain aspects of life but it doesn't mean that it ends there. For example, we can't control natural disasters. We can't overlook our health issue. What we can control, mainly our attitude towards them and the actions that we take, we make sure we go all out on them to make the undesirable situations more bearable.

That is why I am tired when certain people try to milk sympathy from you over and over again, usually involving money, and then how tired they are with their living or financial situation. And then they got the chance to take that first step to make things better and then they just delay that opportunity with their 101 excuses. Worse still, it becomes like a norm to them, to reject those few chances they've got because well, it's not a good time yet....there's still so many other things they need to do first......work got in the way....blah blah blah.

Do you hear yourself?

It's really annoying but as much as much as I know complaining is bad, I do have to rant to air out my frustrations over certain someone or certain people especially when I end up being given empty promise. As a friend or relative, you try your best to help out even if it's, let's say, not a good time for you to render help financially. But you still do what you can because even the smallest thing we do for them can bring hope.

I am sure we all hear excuses all the time, and some on a daily basis. You know what, you do you. Whether you want to come in to work, or start on your commission works, saving up, lose weight and so on, that is up to each individual. Because at the end of the day, we are accountable for our own actions.

While I am still upset about it, I guess you have to learn to give people space. That we truly do not know what is going on or the truth behind their boat load of excuses. Sometimes people just don't get motivated to do things because what they are going through right now may be draining them mentally. And when you're mentally exhausted, you start to feel like everything that you do is wrong that you just totally...give up when all your efforts seem to go to waste.

We just hope for the best for them as we all know how overwhelming life can be at times especially when things that can go wrong, did go wrong. Or that one thing happen one after another like a wave of tsunami and you  just do not know how to react. 

Let's focus on ourselves now by not following in their footsteps to come up with excuses every now and then. Things may seem hard at first because if they are too easy, we slack even more. Living is temporary so we have to make the best use of our time here and time is such that once it's gone, it's gone. So Stop making excuses already and can truly enjoy the remaining time we have here on earth :)

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Sunday, June 17, 2018

When Forcing Myself is the Way to Go At Times

No relation to the article but the lighting was good..
I am on an extended weekend holiday because of Hari Raya and also because I have taken leave for tomorrow. This is a big deal as I seldom take leave from work. Anyway, while I didn't do any major things, this would be the perfect time for me to catch up with my orders of personalised cards. I am trying to clear as many as I can these few days. So while other Muslim counterparts are busy with visiting friends and relatives and entertaining guests as they come, I am busy making stuffs to make money.

It sounds like a sad situation but I don't think so for me. I've learnt from a youtube video that I watched very recently how we have to force ourselves to do things in order to get what we want. It's like those people at the gym. There will be people who have to force themselves to get to the gym (aka me), to give up food that is bad for them and instead, learn to seek or cook healthier alternatives. In terms of business, you force yourself to get out there to be noticed. For my case, it is finding available time to work on my orders as much as I can instead of waiting to the last minute to do and having mini panic attacks on whether I can complete them on time. 

It's really no point to just envision the life that you want, example losing the weight, having a healthier bank balance or doing things that you have put aside for the longest time, if you don't force yourself to take the necessary actions to get things done. Over time, the ideas will die down and you don't feel like acting on them anymore.

I am not sure if you have read my previous posts, but lately I had been in a funk. And this type of situation can happen to even the rich and famous people. You felt like you don't belong as though your heart is tied to an actor. You also feel like you're going down this spiral and then thinking how lousy you are as compared to others who don't seem to have any problems or they're hiding them pretty well. Honestly, it's not easy to just snap out of it. But time can only heal and that it's completely up to you to seek help, find someone to talk to and decide on action plan to make things better for now and for the future.

We are not alone in this journey. Recently, I realised a friend of mine has been very quiet on the social media front and when I asked her, she said it was because she was going through some stuffs. It is okay to actually regroup your thoughts and get away from the noises generated by the social media and then simply take a break while finding your next course of action.

Speaking of future, I am going to start writing on how I envision my life 3 years from now on. I thought that it was a pretty good exercise and it seemed to work for this youtuber who had done this for many years. It helped her to be focus. In life there are many distractions and hurdles but we just have to tell ourselves we can do this. However, while the concept of not giving up is very important, there will be times when it is okay to walk away if it's not helping us at all. Having one door closed will open up another door with who knows, better opportunities.

Life's tough but we are tougher if we have the right mindset to tackle the curveballs life throws at us sometimes :)

Long Weekend, A Little Rambling & My Lack of Gratitude

The day I discover IG filters It's almost mid week to August..argh. I am in the midst of a long weekend, which sadly will come to ...