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Showing posts from 2018

The Simple Act of Smiling & Thinking Too Much

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Recently, I found that I have been increasingly comparing myself to other girls and then getting upset that  I don't have, and perhaps will never have, their kind of physical appearance. Most times, I manage to snap out of it, but then will start again and then it just goes on and on. I start to think negatively that perhaps, my looks, personality and introvert nature have hindered me from making new friends, specifically, the opposite sex. Honestly, I am not looking for love or companionship. I know that being loved can make you feel special and if he's rightfully the one for you, can even make you a better person than you are now. So I have nothing against finding love. Its' just that it is not for me.

But still, I can't help but think that I'm lacking friends of the opposite sex because of the way I look. The point of me writing this is not to put me down. Rather, I want to tell myself that it's better for people to accept me for who I am and that's where…

Real & Reel Love

This weekend I watched two Korean shows. One was an hour and a half long movie and the other was a mini series. I wanted to talk a little more about the movie because I thought that it was really moving and at the same time, made you wonder if they were really in love or were they just method acting. By the way, method acting is a way of acting where the actor would get totally immersed into the character and when taken a little too far, it was hard for them to distinguish between real and reel life character. In this case, a veteran actor, who developed feelings for his co star, who acted for the first time but in real life, was an idol adored by many.

People online were debating whether these two really fell in love with each other while rehearsing and getting into their respective roles. Or where they just 'method acting'. To be honest, I clearly understood where they were coming from because towards the end of the movie, the idol was clearly acting the role well in the play…

The Great Pretender

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There are a lot pretenders around and they will fake their personality for the sake of social points, positive feedback and approval. You don't think much of it except that perhaps this person is being overly friendly and then something triggered, you get taken aback by the words he or she say or the action. It can be a total 180 degrees turn.

I had one such encounter yesterday. While I take part of the blame because I thought that my lack of action to look for him when he clearly had said what he was wearing and where he was and yet, I didn't go all the way there and instead roamed around like a lost child looking for her mummy. I was supposed to meet up with him to deliver a good but silly me, I don't get how come I didn't put in much effort to look for this poor guy who had been standing quite awhile since he came earlier.

While I could have sworn I did go up there but perhaps he had not made his way there or something, I dunno. I wasn't late too because I arrived…

How Far Do We Go To Have Beautiful Flawless Looking Skin?

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I watched this video recently by a popular Korean beauty youtuber which has about 1 million views and it set me thinking if it's necessary for us to go to through the trouble to have perfect and flawless looking skin. Is it a must? What happens if we don't have such extensive beauty regime?

Most of us want to look good and then we have so many beauty products and services to cater to our different beauty needs. For me, I love make up but for me to give in most times and keep buying and accumulating, it’s honestly quite a waste of money knowing how precious money is to me. But I still like make up, haha. But recently, I’ve cut down even further in buying  make up and put more emphasis towards skin care. 

My skin isn’t as youthful as back then in my twenties which honestly, I didn’t really take care of either around that age too, haha. I seemed to hold this thought that since I am not going to be in a relationship, isn’t that pretty anyway, why go through all the trouble of dollin…

Embarking on A Healthier Lifestyle Journey

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One of the things that I enjoy doing is going for fitness classes. You've probably read this a few times in my blog and I have been doing this since April 2017. I started with Zumba, alone, with a group of strangers, and it was nerve wrecking. Suddenly I had to do all these fast paced movements, while moving to the music, and catching up with the instructor, then I got overwhelmed by it. 

I would have given up but it was pretty fun and I ended up going for different types fitness classes, to places where I could reach on time, or almost, after work. After Zumba, I liked Strong by Zumba which I thought was so tough and so different from Zumba despite sharing almost the same name. I still don't get why it is called Zumba where it is basically Cardio and strength training workouts done to the tempo of music. But I liked the synchronised movement which I could catch up better than Zumba and though initially, I kept telling myself not to faint because it could get pretty exhausting …

Being Addicted

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Okay, I have been a little obsessive over this web drama and actually it was from two years ago. I had seen snippets on youtube but maybe because I watched the wrong snippets that it kinda put me off watching as it gave me a wrong impression.

I actually watch different genres of shows because I don't have a specific favourite but I liked those that kept me wanting to watch more of it. It can be in other languages too and of course it would be super useful if there is English subtitles.

When I came across this poster outside a Coach boutique at Raffles City, I was so excited coz that face looked so familiar because I had been watching and re-watching the very show that made him famous. It wasn't a conventional drama but about an unusual friendship forged between two high school students of different backgrounds but who turned out to be step brothers.

It was adapted from a novel written by a woman who, ahem, must have loved all this BL stuffs (look it up, I am not going to define i…

Being Judged For Our Physical Apperance

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It's hard being plus sized. And it's harder when people judge you and make generalisations that to them may be harmless, or maybe to them they're just speaking the truth. Things like being plus sized means being lazy, unattractive and so on and while earlier I said they think that these are harmless statements but honestly, it can be hurting and makes us feel as though we're not worth it unless we are of certain size or beauty standards.

When I watched the video above, I felt for that girl and couldn't imagine the anguish she was going through with the kind of guys she had to date in secret because of her size. And how shops turned her away because they don't carry her sizes. Even in foreign label shops, finding plus sized clothes that fit her well would be like treasure hunting. 


To be in a country where physical appearance is everything, and an advantage to have even for work, because a majority of them thinks that it is normal to be attractive that those that …

Being Lost in Fantasy Versus The Actual Reality

Many of us like to get lost in the land of fantasy, whether dreaming about it, reading fiction stories and watching dramas or movies. I personally like to dream or watch dramas..well, not all dramas, but usually those that spark my interest and then I can totally get myself lost and immersed in the storylines.

I also liked those storylines where after several obstacles, everything seemed to work out in the end. And I start to dream and fantasise about how wonderful it would be if this were to happen to me in reality.

But the truth is, in reality, things may not go as planned or as well as we want it to be. I got myself into a mess several times, and one that is pretty big at the moment, I don't really know how to totally get out if it. I can certainly try to claw my way out slowly and as soon as possible, perhaps with a little help, so that I can carry on my life as per normal.


In the midst of all this mind chaos, I do think about what have I done wrong in life. Or maybe in my past l…

Learning New Skills in Life

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Last month, I learnt a new skill which was modern calligraphy and though it was just a 3 hour workshop and there was a pretty big group, the two trainers tried their best to help us during the session. Many of the talented people are self taught and I don't know if I should categorise myself in this because there are things that I basically learnt off the internet and by studying other people's works. But ultimately, we learn a lot through trials and error and hours and hours of practice just to get better. Modern calligraphy or brush calligraphy is one of the hot things to learn and people of all ages can learn as well. Though I picked up on the skills a few years ago, I didn't quite act on them as much because man was it really hard..like harder than I imagined. So I got tired and well, you can say that I got lazy as well.

I decided to sign up for this workshop because well, it would be paid by them provided I come. And I know just it would be so popular and when they men…

Being Nearly Broke

Last week, I was not doing well financially to a point I felt like I have lost everything. It was difficult for me to come to grips with what could have gone wrong because I felt that last few months I managed to get it all together. Sure it was not perfect and there were some highs and lows. But to get to that position, I feel like such a freaking loser and there’s nothing I can do much about it. But what kept me going is knowing that life goes on and to take each day one at a time. I try my best to earn some money here and there from my little side business and instead of saving the money in full, I had to resort to using them to pay for food and other expenses to keep the family going. I don’t try to think too much about it because I just have to keep moving and not feeling sorry or depressed. Sure I can’t help feeling low but I just need to trust in God and pray to Him to ease this challenging situation.
There are times I feel certain things that happen in our life is to make us re…

Night Out at the Singapore Night Festival 2018

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Some time ago, we had the Singapore Night Festival 2018 and it was interesting to see exhibitions revolving around the creative use of light in different colours and not just the typical white. Some were interactive and big in size where you had to manipulate the objects to create to turn on the light. There were also some that used recycled objects. As usual, these were popular and at the same time, captivating. While we didn't go to every exhibition, we still managed to visit some of them and it was quite a walk too, haha. But it was held over two weekends and the second weekend was more bustling as they had live performances and food stalls. But we were not so keen because it would be so packed and walking would be quite impossible among the crowds.

Here, I am sharing some pictures taken from the Singapore Night Festival 2018. 













The Art of Falling in Love..And We're not Really Invisible to Others

Recently, I watched two coming of age shows on Netflix about finding love, who you really are, being in cliques and about dealing with stuffs that most of their age go through. It's a roller coaster ride and kinda makes me feel like I'm missing out a lot in life at this age haha. Today, I watched "To all the boys I've loved before" because I've heard talks about it being really good and a refreshing take on the lead being an Asian American.

But the storyline is not about being Asian and trying to fit in but rather, it's about finding love when you least expect it though somehow I kinda suspect that they would end up as a couple. It started off with the lead writing letters to her crushes and then putting stamps on the envelopes, not knowing that they would somehow would be released and her crushes would read them. They wanted clarifications even if the letters were written about the times they spent with each other way back then when they were much younger…

Learning to Ride a Bike Mostly On His Own

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If you  live in Singapore, this is a common sight where bicycles were strewn almost everywhere especially in certain places. It's based on a bike sharing app where you can download an app, pay a small fee, and then use the same app to unlock the bicycle.

Previously, we had to pay a deposit about $40 but ever since the big hoohaa over one of the service providers taking all the paid deposits after closing down, leaving hundreds stranded, they removed the compulsory deposit.

And that was where we came in, haha.

So my brother didn't know how to ride a bike. He did try in the past but it failed with him falling with bad scratches. Now this guy could drive a tonner, that huge army vehicle that you sometimes see on the road and smaller army vehicles and also military ambulance.

But he could not ride a bike.

So that kinda put a damper but he put off wanting to ride a bike for so long until they removed the deposit and he started to do some research as to how the charging was like now with…

When Will People Stop Giving Themselves Excuses

Sometimes, I feel like we give ourself too many excuses. It's just a way of covering up that we just don't want to do it and then are compelled to give 101 excuses to so called escape from doing it. Why do we want to sabotage ourselves when it is going to be for the better in the long run.

For example, when we say we are going to exercise because we are gaining weight, have difficulty walking and wish to adopt a healthier lifestyle...after that proceeding to give 101 excuses on why we can't spare the time to exercise. And then we lament about how why are we putting on even more weight?

Go figure.

Honestly, I'm tired about people giving themselves and others excuses. I mean you have strong reasons why you need the money even more than before and then you have been given the opportunity to achieve this which happens to be a golden opportunity as it was very hard to convince the boss. And especially when the difficult situation that you are in right now, makes the opportunit…

When Forcing Myself is the Way to Go At Times

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I am on an extended weekend holiday because of Hari Raya and also because I have taken leave for tomorrow. This is a big deal as I seldom take leave from work. Anyway, while I didn't do any major things, this would be the perfect time for me to catch up with my orders of personalised cards. I am trying to clear as many as I can these few days. So while other Muslim counterparts are busy with visiting friends and relatives and entertaining guests as they come, I am busy making stuffs to make money.

It sounds like a sad situation but I don't think so for me. I've learnt from a youtube video that I watched very recently how we have to force ourselves to do things in order to get what we want. It's like those people at the gym. There will be people who have to force themselves to get to the gym (aka me), to give up food that is bad for them and instead, learn to seek or cook healthier alternatives. In terms of business, you force yourself to get out there to be noticed. For…

You Are Better Than That..And A Weird Dream

I have been acting a little weird since some time ago where I decided I would just ignore people who don't really care about your existence, like they don't even acknowledge your presence even though we are working in the same department. Well, I still think that I shouldn't waste my time on them either but I think I took it a little further than I expected with people whom I'm on talking terms with. 
For example, I didn't on my work communicator because suddenly I didn't feel like talking to my other colleague sitting at the other end of the office. For three days. And over the weekend, I felt like I missed talking to her. I dunno, maybe because I felt like I was being judged when I said I didn't hug and kiss my parents while she was saying her sons do it to her like all the time. But I did say too that they showed their acts of love through other means because they were traditional parents.
Then last two days I started talking to her again but this time, I …

The Story of A Birthday Cake

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My younger brother is growing up so fast and he is at an age where he is going through different life experiences by entering different stages of life. He is currently in National Service and I remembered two days ago, it was pretty sombre because he was nervous about serving the nation and that he is quite a private person. If he didn't want to share, he wouldn't want to and would just dismiss you off.

This year, time passed by so quickly that he is almost at the tail end of his National Service. And he will soon enter the workforce for real. He did work part time before when he was in school but now would be the real deal.

Every year, our birthday celebration for him would be very simple. It's just a cake and us family celebrating it in our living room followed by cake cutting. But this time, he wanted his cake to be a little special especially when I didn't realise I actually bought the same cake as the previous cake last year, lol. 

Here's a fun fact about me. I h…

Are We Blocking Ourselves from Happiness?

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I have admittedly felt a little low these days and have some days feel like it's hard to shake this emotional distress out. That is after I watched a video and I felt a little better and makes me think a little harder as well on how this emotional dilemma I'm facing is mostly self inflicted.

Sometimes there are reasons why we are worried and sometimes there is no cause of worry but we still do so. Because of this self inflicted emotional state of  mind, we fail to see what we have in life that we forget about but instead, should be grateful for.

The video makes me realise that I let myself get carried away with emotions when I compare myself unconsciously with others and thinking how their lives seem to be way better than mine. I had the wrong focus. Instead, I should focus on me. Keep my mind occupied and doing things that matter to keep my mind away from feeling lost and helpless. In other words, focus on me. I know it sounds as though it's so egoistic but if you put it in…

How Watching a Certain Reality Show Impacted My Life

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I have been a little off in life hence why for quite a period of time, I stopped updating this blog. But the struggles that I go through within me are somewhat lessen a little by the things that I read that inspire me or by learning from other people's examples. They help me cope with my daily life a little bit better and even though I am still not 100% in my element currently, I always tell myself that life goes on and I must continue to grow from strength to strength with each passing day.

Recently, I have been watching Rupaul's Drag Race and it is one of those shows that you will simply binge watch because they were so good. Yes, the show is about men dressing up as women or in drag but in each episode, there is always something entertaining that keep us wanting to watch and see what happens next. And of course, just like any other reality shows, there is always drama between the queens (they're called that in the show) and how they are coping with the challenges. Becaus…