If you have an option to start anew or carry on to repair or salvage your marriage, what will you do? My workplace has a majority of female workers and especially my department because we have to deal with kids. The only men are the executives but don't even go near them. They're gays. Im not against gays but Im SO against them. Anyway, Im not gonna talk about them. Im sure you've heard so many times that marriage is not an easy thing. Most of my colleagues are either married or about to marry and there is also a very small minority who are newly divorced with the exception of one whose late husband passed away due to cancer. I...I don't know what to say when I heard through the grapevines that these women had just gone through divorce or are having marriage problems that there is a high possibility that they may soon file for divorce.
When you look at these women, they are not ugly and infact, one of them is quite a stunner with her high self esteem and her small lithe body as a result of frequent gym sessions but yet last year, she divorced. Apparently, there was a third party. Then, just two days ago, a colleague was lamenting about how she wished that if she had the option to start all over again and choose a new husband, she will definitely not choose him. The way she was dropping clues during the talk on the Five Languages of Love held by another colleague within our very small group, I did suspect that something was amiss. While one complained that all this lovey dovey stuffs only happened to her before marriage and very seldom during marriage, one was raving about her marriage to her husband of which throughout my working life with her and infact anybody's, they will be subjected to her praising sky high of her husband. Almost towards the end of the meeting, where we were just bumming around the conference room just talking about this marriage thing and how some people can be so insensitive, she showed a picture of her friend, best friend and her ex husband. She said that even though they are divorced, which apparently was due to her ex husband's mother, they are still pretty much in love. Then suddenly she said that next year, don't be surprised if she goes from married to newly single. Of course we were shocked and thought that she was joking but she was dead serious and shared stuffs that were more shocking.
I mean, what is a married couple when they don't communicate with each other verbally anymore for the past 6 months and only spoke through SMSes. When one of them mentioned about her to think about her two young children who are only in preschool, she said that she did consider about that but come to think of it, in time to come when her two daughters have grown up, they will be going off on their own taking care of their own families and she will be all alone. When she said like that, it reminded me of my ex colleague who chose to follow the path of her past love who persistently pursued her despite her getting hitched and having two very young children later on. In the first place, her heart was not quite with her husband even when she married him at that time when she was only nineteen because she was disappointed that the guy whom she liked did not have the courage to make his love declaration. Furthermore, this other guy was much older but then was more stable financially and career wise and even though he did not have the looks according to her, she felt that her future would be more secured. However, just few years down the road, she felt that she made a big mistake and even though he did support her quite a lot financially because he was so hardworking at earning money, she felt that it was not enough. Apparently, her husband (or ex husband..I don't know..) did not give her enough attention and enough love because he was always coming back home very late working his butt off. She started spending more time with this ex love of hers which grew stronger and stronger till she picked up the courage to leave her husband.
One thing, her husband thought that she was still immature and did not think much of the family that anything she said was deemed as childish. I think the bottomline is still communication. When you communicate with your partner, you have to be open minded and not quickly try to slam them down because you think they don't understand what you're going through or what you're saying. We all have our rough patches and whether is it marriage life or our own personal life, it is definitely not an easy journey. Someone said before that it is not the end of destination that counts but the journey towards that destination. For married couples, it could be their destination is to stay married to each other till the end..or basically try not to rip each other's hair off..I don't know. For a single man or woman, it is to find the perfect partner to spend their lifetime together but when they get married and begin their marriage life together, it is a totally different thing. You can be dating each other for 10 years but your marriage lifespan is only one year. You will never know.
Trust is another thing that you should not compromise because the lack of trust can be the downfall of any relationship. Whether our partner is up to no good or we merely suspect that he or she is having an affair, we need to trust our partner even though our heart can be in a mess especially when tell tale signs begin to appear. Eventually, the truth will be out and only then we can justify that the trust has been broken and it is up to the married couple to see if they can do something about it or bid each other goodbye. So the definite thing is not to break that trust because once broken, it is harder to repair or worse still, it is irreplaceable. Just like my colleague at the boardroom who trusted her husband so much but in the last four years, he has not been too kind with her in words and never shared a bedroom relationship with her anymore in these four years, that she doubt her husband is faithful to her. How long can a woman trust you when you have been pushing her away like she is some piece of furniture and you can't blame her if she has lost faith in you as a husband. Don't blame your woman if she suspects things are amiss even when you don't verbalise it but one thing, women can be very patient and can be stubborn to believe that the husband may be up to no good. It can take a woman years even to come to terms that there is no more love and no more trust from the partner especially when he can be very abusive or become such a control freak that the wife is not allowed to have her own life outside marriage because she belongs to him only.
For one thing, we're not stupid. Nowadays, we can go out to work and earn money for our family while taking care of the children's emotional needs and doing the housekeeping. Sometimes it can even drive some women to the brink of insanity because they don't know what our husband is doing out there whenever he starts coming back home very late or disappear for a few days and coming back with dirty laundry for the wife to do the washing up. The hardest thing to accept is when these women's needs are put aside because some men think that we don't know anything about life at work like we are born to be slaves in the kitchen and slaves to their sexual hunger. Who do you think we are? We're not living in the past okay and what is also bad is when the husband's mother take his side and refuse to see what the son has been up to even though she herself is a woman.
Marriage is not a smooth sailing journey but still I think trust and communication should not be broken and abandoned respectively because it can make or break a marriage. Divorce should be the very last resort and even religions don't encourage it but at times, we need to think what is the best for us and our partner that it could be the only solution. Still, there is no harm trying to salvage the marriage but then again, it takes two hands to clap so if one is unresponsive and adamant in wanting to lead a separate life, it is of no choice then we have to respect each other's decision no matter how devastating it can be. So for those people who are about to get married or are already married, remember that love is not dead after marriage. It just needs to be rekindled at times. But ultimately, just think what is best for yourself and no matter what, be strong and don't make decisions when your emotions are unstable. More importantly, just be prepared to hear the unkind words of the society who are especially unkind to women because somehow rather, we are always the one to blame. So be strong but do your best to save your marriage first and work things out slowly if it is on the rocks. All the best.
When you look at these women, they are not ugly and infact, one of them is quite a stunner with her high self esteem and her small lithe body as a result of frequent gym sessions but yet last year, she divorced. Apparently, there was a third party. Then, just two days ago, a colleague was lamenting about how she wished that if she had the option to start all over again and choose a new husband, she will definitely not choose him. The way she was dropping clues during the talk on the Five Languages of Love held by another colleague within our very small group, I did suspect that something was amiss. While one complained that all this lovey dovey stuffs only happened to her before marriage and very seldom during marriage, one was raving about her marriage to her husband of which throughout my working life with her and infact anybody's, they will be subjected to her praising sky high of her husband. Almost towards the end of the meeting, where we were just bumming around the conference room just talking about this marriage thing and how some people can be so insensitive, she showed a picture of her friend, best friend and her ex husband. She said that even though they are divorced, which apparently was due to her ex husband's mother, they are still pretty much in love. Then suddenly she said that next year, don't be surprised if she goes from married to newly single. Of course we were shocked and thought that she was joking but she was dead serious and shared stuffs that were more shocking.
I mean, what is a married couple when they don't communicate with each other verbally anymore for the past 6 months and only spoke through SMSes. When one of them mentioned about her to think about her two young children who are only in preschool, she said that she did consider about that but come to think of it, in time to come when her two daughters have grown up, they will be going off on their own taking care of their own families and she will be all alone. When she said like that, it reminded me of my ex colleague who chose to follow the path of her past love who persistently pursued her despite her getting hitched and having two very young children later on. In the first place, her heart was not quite with her husband even when she married him at that time when she was only nineteen because she was disappointed that the guy whom she liked did not have the courage to make his love declaration. Furthermore, this other guy was much older but then was more stable financially and career wise and even though he did not have the looks according to her, she felt that her future would be more secured. However, just few years down the road, she felt that she made a big mistake and even though he did support her quite a lot financially because he was so hardworking at earning money, she felt that it was not enough. Apparently, her husband (or ex husband..I don't know..) did not give her enough attention and enough love because he was always coming back home very late working his butt off. She started spending more time with this ex love of hers which grew stronger and stronger till she picked up the courage to leave her husband.
One thing, her husband thought that she was still immature and did not think much of the family that anything she said was deemed as childish. I think the bottomline is still communication. When you communicate with your partner, you have to be open minded and not quickly try to slam them down because you think they don't understand what you're going through or what you're saying. We all have our rough patches and whether is it marriage life or our own personal life, it is definitely not an easy journey. Someone said before that it is not the end of destination that counts but the journey towards that destination. For married couples, it could be their destination is to stay married to each other till the end..or basically try not to rip each other's hair off..I don't know. For a single man or woman, it is to find the perfect partner to spend their lifetime together but when they get married and begin their marriage life together, it is a totally different thing. You can be dating each other for 10 years but your marriage lifespan is only one year. You will never know.
Trust is another thing that you should not compromise because the lack of trust can be the downfall of any relationship. Whether our partner is up to no good or we merely suspect that he or she is having an affair, we need to trust our partner even though our heart can be in a mess especially when tell tale signs begin to appear. Eventually, the truth will be out and only then we can justify that the trust has been broken and it is up to the married couple to see if they can do something about it or bid each other goodbye. So the definite thing is not to break that trust because once broken, it is harder to repair or worse still, it is irreplaceable. Just like my colleague at the boardroom who trusted her husband so much but in the last four years, he has not been too kind with her in words and never shared a bedroom relationship with her anymore in these four years, that she doubt her husband is faithful to her. How long can a woman trust you when you have been pushing her away like she is some piece of furniture and you can't blame her if she has lost faith in you as a husband. Don't blame your woman if she suspects things are amiss even when you don't verbalise it but one thing, women can be very patient and can be stubborn to believe that the husband may be up to no good. It can take a woman years even to come to terms that there is no more love and no more trust from the partner especially when he can be very abusive or become such a control freak that the wife is not allowed to have her own life outside marriage because she belongs to him only.
For one thing, we're not stupid. Nowadays, we can go out to work and earn money for our family while taking care of the children's emotional needs and doing the housekeeping. Sometimes it can even drive some women to the brink of insanity because they don't know what our husband is doing out there whenever he starts coming back home very late or disappear for a few days and coming back with dirty laundry for the wife to do the washing up. The hardest thing to accept is when these women's needs are put aside because some men think that we don't know anything about life at work like we are born to be slaves in the kitchen and slaves to their sexual hunger. Who do you think we are? We're not living in the past okay and what is also bad is when the husband's mother take his side and refuse to see what the son has been up to even though she herself is a woman.
Marriage is not a smooth sailing journey but still I think trust and communication should not be broken and abandoned respectively because it can make or break a marriage. Divorce should be the very last resort and even religions don't encourage it but at times, we need to think what is the best for us and our partner that it could be the only solution. Still, there is no harm trying to salvage the marriage but then again, it takes two hands to clap so if one is unresponsive and adamant in wanting to lead a separate life, it is of no choice then we have to respect each other's decision no matter how devastating it can be. So for those people who are about to get married or are already married, remember that love is not dead after marriage. It just needs to be rekindled at times. But ultimately, just think what is best for yourself and no matter what, be strong and don't make decisions when your emotions are unstable. More importantly, just be prepared to hear the unkind words of the society who are especially unkind to women because somehow rather, we are always the one to blame. So be strong but do your best to save your marriage first and work things out slowly if it is on the rocks. All the best.
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