Sunday, June 17, 2018

When Forcing Myself is the Way to Go At Times

No relation to the article but the lighting was good..
I am on an extended weekend holiday because of Hari Raya and also because I have taken leave for tomorrow. This is a big deal as I seldom take leave from work. Anyway, while I didn't do any major things, this would be the perfect time for me to catch up with my orders of personalised cards. I am trying to clear as many as I can these few days. So while other Muslim counterparts are busy with visiting friends and relatives and entertaining guests as they come, I am busy making stuffs to make money.

It sounds like a sad situation but I don't think so for me. I've learnt from a youtube video that I watched very recently how we have to force ourselves to do things in order to get what we want. It's like those people at the gym. There will be people who have to force themselves to get to the gym (aka me), to give up food that is bad for them and instead, learn to seek or cook healthier alternatives. In terms of business, you force yourself to get out there to be noticed. For my case, it is finding available time to work on my orders as much as I can instead of waiting to the last minute to do and having mini panic attacks on whether I can complete them on time. 

It's really no point to just envision the life that you want, example losing the weight, having a healthier bank balance or doing things that you have put aside for the longest time, if you don't force yourself to take the necessary actions to get things done. Over time, the ideas will die down and you don't feel like acting on them anymore.

I am not sure if you have read my previous posts, but lately I had been in a funk. And this type of situation can happen to even the rich and famous people. You felt like you don't belong as though your heart is tied to an actor. You also feel like you're going down this spiral and then thinking how lousy you are as compared to others who don't seem to have any problems or they're hiding them pretty well. Honestly, it's not easy to just snap out of it. But time can only heal and that it's completely up to you to seek help, find someone to talk to and decide on action plan to make things better for now and for the future.

We are not alone in this journey. Recently, I realised a friend of mine has been very quiet on the social media front and when I asked her, she said it was because she was going through some stuffs. It is okay to actually regroup your thoughts and get away from the noises generated by the social media and then simply take a break while finding your next course of action.

Speaking of future, I am going to start writing on how I envision my life 3 years from now on. I thought that it was a pretty good exercise and it seemed to work for this youtuber who had done this for many years. It helped her to be focus. In life there are many distractions and hurdles but we just have to tell ourselves we can do this. However, while the concept of not giving up is very important, there will be times when it is okay to walk away if it's not helping us at all. Having one door closed will open up another door with who knows, better opportunities.

Life's tough but we are tougher if we have the right mindset to tackle the curveballs life throws at us sometimes :)

Thursday, June 07, 2018

You Are Better Than That..And A Weird Dream

I have been acting a little weird since some time ago where I decided I would just ignore people who don't really care about your existence, like they don't even acknowledge your presence even though we are working in the same department. Well, I still think that I shouldn't waste my time on them either but I think I took it a little further than I expected with people whom I'm on talking terms with. 

For example, I didn't on my work communicator because suddenly I didn't feel like talking to my other colleague sitting at the other end of the office. For three days. And over the weekend, I felt like I missed talking to her. I dunno, maybe because I felt like I was being judged when I said I didn't hug and kiss my parents while she was saying her sons do it to her like all the time. But I did say too that they showed their acts of love through other means because they were traditional parents.

Then last two days I started talking to her again but this time, I tried to be a little more careful not to divulge too much personal information about myself. I know some values I hold may not sit well with the majority of people just because they're not the norms. For instance, I know that I don't want to have children or that I don't want to start my own family and it's something that I have decided back when I was in my teens. Of course I don't go around telling people that because no matter how modern you see Singapore is, we are still very much traditional in values. 

So if you don't say a lot of things, people will question you less. Then worse, when they try to change your perceptions and stuffs but you've already made up your mind. I mean agree people can change their minds along the way and then they thought about how they have a change of heart and now they like children, enjoys dating yada yada..well, to each their own.

Anyway, I decided that I wasn't so happy being so ignorant and with this couldn't care less attitude. Yes not everyone is going to respond the same way and it's OK. What is not okay when I start treating most people like that. Today I am on leave and I thought it will be a quick break for me to reflect and respond. Last week, it wasn't so good as well when my manager said she was disappointed that I didn't check my work properly. 

But I still have to move on, no matter what. I mean life throws your curveballs at times to keep you on your toes so you don't slack. It can be challenging but being in tough situations can make you come out to be stronger emotionally.

So let's restart this and I'm just going to be more friendlier, rather than aloof because it doesn't give me good feelings. I am better than that. I am better than those people who have been ignoring me. I should shift my focus on people that have been friendly with me because they don't judge and they don't see some people as beneath them which I think should be the way, but then again, the world doesn't work that way.

I think I have been in this hole for some time so it will take awhile to get back in the groove. Let's hope for the better.

Oh! I wanted to say how I had a weird dream last night. Actually weird dreams are quite a norm for me, but yah. Anyway, I don't know how and what and why that I dreamt I was dating a Chinese guy and I was in the car with him, and sharing him some problems regarding my family's financial dilemma such as getting rejection for some financial aid that we were applying because I was short of some document.

And he was sweet to drive me around to some places to get things sorted and along the way, I had problem closing the car door. And then behind, there were composition papers in Chinese which he had marked and was like complaining about and then it dawned on me that I was dating a Chinese Language teacher.

I told you it's weird. 

But then again, what is even weirder is that I had never dreamt I dated someone of the same race as me and even in dreams, they can be biased like the guy is always good looking. My dreams have standards too, lol!

Okay, I should end this before I talked about more weird things.

Sunday, June 03, 2018

The Story of A Birthday Cake

My younger brother is growing up so fast and he is at an age where he is going through different life experiences by entering different stages of life. He is currently in National Service and I remembered two days ago, it was pretty sombre because he was nervous about serving the nation and that he is quite a private person. If he didn't want to share, he wouldn't want to and would just dismiss you off.

This year, time passed by so quickly that he is almost at the tail end of his National Service. And he will soon enter the workforce for real. He did work part time before when he was in school but now would be the real deal.

Every year, our birthday celebration for him would be very simple. It's just a cake and us family celebrating it in our living room followed by cake cutting. But this time, he wanted his cake to be a little special especially when I didn't realise I actually bought the same cake as the previous cake last year, lol. 

Here's a fun fact about me. I hate buying birthday cakes and I hardly EVER buy my own birthday cake. Honestly I don't mind if people buy for me but then again, my family isn't that much into buying birthday cakes as well. I think it's a waste of money because all you're getting is just mostly cream and all that fluff.

Anyway, he is still a young chap and he deserves a cake, although this time he wouldn't want to settle for yet another discounted cake, haha. So with so much hesitation, and his little disappointment that I may end up buying, yes you guessed it..a similar cake that was on discount, I decided to just buy the cake from his recommended shop. Oh my, the price.

Honestly, it was affordable even in my standards actually. Because I see the prices of cakes nowadays, especially those fancy looking ones, they come with a heavy price tag. I know that the bakers took a lot of effort in making them. And they're very instagram friendly. But so sayang, or pitiful, because it's just going to end up being eaten.

Don't pelt me, haha...I love cakes, yes I do. Just don't make me buy those fanciful types of cakes.

So here are the pictures below. It's a really simple celebration as you can tell. But at least he loved the cake this time. I even complained that the big cake box that I had to lug back home was heavy and you know what he said. Oh, he said, it is heavy because it's a high quality cake. Sigh..

Happy birthday to you and you will always be my annoying but lovable one and only younger brother. I hope that you will be more gentlemanly and more respectful towards your elders, included, since I'm 14 years older than you. That's a big age gap but I don't look that old when I'm with him. I guess having a much younger brother keeps me..youthful? Haha..

Anyway, don't waste your youth away and spend your time well and hopefully, you will get to work in a full time job that you like this year.

Long Weekend, A Little Rambling & My Lack of Gratitude

The day I discover IG filters It's almost mid week to August..argh. I am in the midst of a long weekend, which sadly will come to ...