Monday, April 24, 2006

Childhood Memories

i took a trip down memory lane recently. The place where I grew up. I used to visit my grandmother a lot until she got ill in 1989 and even though we did visit my grandmother's house often, it was seriously cut down after she passed away. Practically most of my times in the 80's was spent at my grandmother's vicinity. We didnt have a place to sleep like a room for us. We would bunk in the living room and when I was a baby till a toddler, my family used to have a room there. It was after we got a home and my uncle got married that the room was used for them instead. I didn't know it was like then but apparently, my uncle couldn't get along well with my family. I was sickly as a child and often cried which he didn't like. BOth my uncle and my aunt hated it. So in way, maybe it wasnt a good idea to stay there and once my father worked hard enough to get ourselves a house, we moved out. Pronto. That's what my mum told me.

Anyhow, it carried lots of childhood memories. And surprisingly some of the shops were still there. Okay, the memory lane that I was talking about is at Tanglin Halt Road or Commonwealth Drive. I was given the opportunity to go down there for work over the course of two alternate days. It still has that old school charms in terms of its structure and how the shops still look as old as ever..hehe..But yupz, I was like smiling already as I entered the premises. Apparently that stretch of pathway, I had never walked on coz everytime we went to my grandmother's house, we took a cab. Of course back then the taxi fares were cheaper. Way cheaper..coz it took a long time before it went up 10 cents even. There was no such thing as $1.00 surcharge also or whatever charges u can think of...apparently by the drivers themselves even. It made sense that from my home to my grandma's house, would only cost us 5 to 6 dollars plus. However I must add, back then was expensive. Oh, expensive or not, it was nauseating sitting in the bus for prolonged hours coz the distance covered by buses then were freaking long. It felt like I was going to Johor. And must I also add, there was NO AIR CON. *barf*. Trust me, cabs made sense.

Oh some of the things i recalled was how I used to have this best friend who was also my neighbour. We clicked well as we were both of the same age and that we were both girls. However, the rest of the things about us were very much different like how I actually lived a more comfortable like than her and how I was the only child while she is kid no 5. BUt it didn't matter to us. We had each other as company. When we were in kindergarten, we used to play together a lot but as we grew up and she started to mingle around with the neighbouring kids, we kinda grew apart. I felt that she was taunting me like I guess she just loved to make me feel guilty and cry even. I was like this one big joke..easily bullied. But even as a child, and also even though I didn't show it, I knew that she had done it on purpose like trying to show off to the other kids that I didn't belong in that neighbourhood also to show them how tough she was. Whatever it was, before things started to change, there was no deny that we did share a childhood together.

I also recalled some things as I was looking around the central hub of the neighbourhood. The old school charm of the 80s still lingers on like the bakery where I remembered it just from the design of its exterior. It was made of bricks and the window was lined with bricks to look like the shape of olden times oven or a kiln (If it is spelt that way) where u can see fire as the bread is baking..I think that was what they called them. Now that is classic.

Oh, and I also remembered buying colour pencils. I love stationeries even until now and back then, I loved colour pencils. However, my aunt and the rest of my family members like mum and dad hated to buy them for me. So err..I can see my pencil colour box getting smaller and smaller. Coz I keep losing individual colour pencils..hehe..and worst part was, if I lost a great deal, I wouldn't fee like using the pencil colours already. I was only a kid! Forgive me..coz now I see why the big frown on their face whenever I wanted to buy colour pencils. They're f**kin' expensive! What the hell they use for the wood? And imported old oak tree?!!!

Then I also remembered the line of old shops (to me, they were still old back then..hehe..) and I was looking out for this one particular shop that sold shoes. And it is still there. The reason why I can recall is that I used to remember the shop owner saying my feet were like elephant's feet coz they were so big for a kid. And coz of that, my feet could hardly fit in the shoes. The nerves..hello? So what if I have big feet! I have nice shoes now!!

The infrastructure of the food centre is what I can recall the most as until now, it remains as it is. The place is still quiet though but there are a few famous shops there like the mamak shop selling old favs like the mee goreng (Fried noodles). To think that the shop is still popular just like the days when my late grandfather used to buy from there often. As when I was sitting down there eating, there were two ladies ordering quite a lot from that shop and also a few more working people like the technicians waiting for their orders. At the end of the road are a few factories while the other end is a civil defence fire station. I would say the guys were pretty yummy as they were dropping by in a group to buy food. But the yummiest of the lot are the Chinese policemen who were not buying food. Apparently the police post is just beside the kindergarten where I was doing the health check for two days. There was a tiff between this rather big sized Indian lady and this frail looking chinese old lady. And the police had to go out and try to calm the situation down. They. Were. Yummy! And Chinese! My colleague apparently recalled one of them coz she remembered reporting to him when she got involved in an accident. Hrmph..she can remember guys' faces better than her work..which doesnt take her a day to forget easily..

So anyway, the only place I didn't quite had the courage to explore is the very place that I used to grow up in as a child up till the age of 12. My late grandmother's neighbourhood. The playground. The staircases (where I fell once)...the walkway..the house itself which is on the first floor. My uncle who bought that house had long moved out but as far as I know, my old neighbours still live there as I just saw one of them at the food centre. But their children had moved out.. I didn't have the courage as it brings me bittersweet memories especially after my grandmother was no more when I was only 9 years old. She doted on me so much giving me money and back then, ten dollars were a lot. For a child. Okay being money minded now even, it's still money to me..haha!! So anyway, what toys I mentioned to her she would ask my mum to buy for me. If she didnt have enough money, she would give but most often, my mum would use them to buy necessities instead. Still, she would get a scolding as she wanted me to have the toys. I didn't think much of toys which may be why my mum didnt get me in the first place. Id rather play imaginary games like being a teacher, a restaurant owner, a shop owner..anything that i observed. In other words, I grew up in my own world which is partly why I feared people and became quiet as I didnt have much interaction with people, both children and adults alike. I was left on my own as both my parents were working even though at different times of the day. My mum worked at night but she would be sleeping most times in the day. So I would only be left to take care on my own at home. She didn't allow me to go out on my own though. So whatever food was at home, I just made do with them.

Even when my grandmother was critically ill already, she wanted my mum and my aunt to continue giving me money. My aunt did initially give me ten dollars per month but she favoured my cousins more. I am not surprised as it is just her attitude, till now, that she likes to hang around people who are good looking as it makes her look good. I used to be a very chubby kid and I am not so pretty. Very average..unlike my other children who apparently had better genes. Whatever. when she is financially inadequate, she runs to my mum. I have been warning my mum to not give in so much coz u know why? When we needed help from her, she gave a thousand reasons. When she had the money, she would rather treat her good looking nieces and nephews out rather than me and my family even though so many times they didn't say nice things to her. To me, if I said something wrong, or she just wasn't happy over what I did, she would scold me right infront of my mum. Even though my mum is fierce, she doesnt scold me over petty things unlike her and mock me like im some stupid kid or put words in my mouth and then report to my mum. Go f**k off. Lucky my mum quite understands that my aunt tends to do that to me.

Actually, besides some sad memories, I would say that it was a rather good trip. It wasn't planned but it was definitely something which I had always wanted to do. Why don't u plan yourself a trip down memory lane. After all, it is part of our lives and why don't we sidetrack a bit amidst the hustle and bustle of city life and do something extraodinary. Go on. Pay it a visit.

p/s: I actually teared up a bit when I was writing about my late grandmother. Even though I was still a child, she shaped my life and I want to thank her for those few years of believing in me and seeing me as Rahayu. No one loves me more than she did. Not even my own mother share the same high status of respect as the one I bestowed on her until now. Why must you leave me so early? Why?!! May she rest in peace. Amin. I love you grandma..(oh god, im crying again..)

Wednesday, April 19, 2006

Things In my Bag

You know it's really interesting to know what a person carries inside the bag..uhm..especially for the ladies. They always seem to have a whole load of stuffs considered..'die die must bring' category. I often scoff at those who bring a huge bag of makeup and recently i read a female magazine and she carries 19 shades of lipsticks! CrAzy woman..It's like she applies a different lip colour every few hours. Some were rather interesting also...and those who carries a big bag, have mercy. You can stuff a dog inside and walk un-noticed even. FOr me, I carry a medium sized bag since I travel out for work. But I try to bring only the essentials so it would be nice and compact and I still look 'chic' without the bulkiness..hehe..

OH! U wanna know what I carry mostly in my bag? I took a snapshot of the things I usually carry. CHeck these out!

Going from bottom L-R:

Umbrella - I must carry an umbrella coz my work requires me to travel out of office. This umbrella, despite its initial state of lousiness (it flew upwards) somehow it got the hang of it. I got it through a malay magz and cant miss those polka dots!

Schedule - That piece of folded paper behind the umbrella is my school schedule. It carries the name of the schools the principal or co-ordinators name, how many students..but most importantly! Whether i Need to go back office or not that day..hrmph..

Mirror - I have this mirror for a long time. It's actually a dual mirror. One square and one round. The square one is better coz I can see more. It's really nice. Hehe..despite its originality coming from ntuc, I like its aqua cover with silver glitters on it.

GATSBY powdered blotter - I need blotters coz my face tends to get oily at times although recently it's not so 'soaky'. Just a tad bit..ever since I switched facial cleansers. Its powder help not to create 'streaks' across my skin unlike some other blotters.

FROZZ sugar free sweets - My 'must have'. Especially if i dont carry a bottle of water coz i either finished it already or Im too lazy to carry one. I can eat like almost 8 to 10 pieces. Oh, and the 'sugar free' quality make me less prone to getting sore throat as it is pretty sensitive to long consumption of sweet stuffs. So far no probz with these. I either get the barley mint or the cherry.

ZEN Neeon mp3 Player with free pouch - Okay, the pouch is a bit dirty coz I spilt a teeny weeny ice lemon tea on it. Quite recently I bought a stick-on for it to give it a new look. The cds i have on it are mainly gorillaz, offspring, jason mraz, linkin park, fort minor and other stand alone songs. I mostly listen to jason mraz coz he has a sweet charming voice and kinda calms me down on days which I dread most A.K.A week days.

Evian Blue pouch containing ear-piece for handphone - I do listen to radio also but I especially love to listen to 987fm in the morning for the 'muttons in the morning'. THey're hilarious and so non pretentious unlike some other deejays who try to act all witty and funnie..Yawns. PSst...Im a mutton listener!

Pink Diary 2006 - I record some stuffs periodically here..I need to keep a record of the schools I go to or some other meetings or training for end of year submission for number of hours. Can say it's mostly for work lah..not for leisure.

Pink pouch - Yeah..another pink stuff. I carry some essentials here like the mirror and the blotter for easy access.

CSI:MIAMI 'Cult Following' - What do I do if I cant sleep in the bus or MRT or I am simply bored with the crowd? I read this book. My second CSI:Miami novel. This one has Ryan Wolfe who is the new CSi and a cop at the same time unlike the rest who are detectives. He's quite a hottie although his character is quite soft and stubborn headed. He is still trying to find his way around how the dept works and how the people work too. Always trying to get a name for himself without counting on other people's areas of expertise coz he's just too proud for it. But he's okaylah. Hey, if you're part of the Miami Dade crime lab, you're in my books anytime!

Work Pass - Ok, it's infront of the book but cant really see..for privacy's sake lah. It's just a pass which I hate to wear around my neck..coz it's too..err...heavy..hehe. No lah, my face is on it and I look darn silly. BUt i still need to carry it as some parts of my workplace need to scan in this pass for access. Although most times I say I didn't bring so they would open for me..hahha

Esprit black wallet - Everyone needs a wallet. So far this wallet has not failed me. If it does, I can always buy a new one..hahah! It was more of an accidental buy lah but come to think of its durability all this time, I didn't think I make a bad choice!

Hello Panda chocolate bear biscuits - I need to eat something during a long journey and eating two or three of this small biscuits are enough. I know I am supposed to cut down on chocolate so this small packet can actually last me for almost a week! But I need to have something compact like this coz hunger pangs are unpredictable.

CLINIQUE derma white sunblock - I wear a sunblock everyday and even though I don't top up on my sunbock outside, I just carry this handy tube in case. I use the normal size tube in the morning. If i go gym and have showered, I will slap this on. Oh, one word of advice. It's best to wash ur face first with a small handy tube of facial wash instead of just slapping on a new layer of foundation or stuffs. Bad for skin. I dont wear foundation or powder except on really really special occasions. A tinted sunblock is suffice.

Black pouch - If i need to go out for lunch or just have something handy to carry, I have this pouch and it can carry quite a lot. Some of the things seen here go into this bag for easy access also. So I actually carry a bag within bag.

Bratz Key pouch - Yeah, this is a stylish Bratz pouch which I use to keep my pouch. The opening's pretty small but jz nice to fit in keys for my house, my lockers and ofc table drawers.

Hairbrush with mirror - I bought this recently. So funky! Got mirror some more. Plus, it is foldable. Goes into the black pouch.

Straight comb - A hairbrush is not really enough for me as it doesn't smooth down the hair. So I will comb my hair with this. I only comb my hair outside if I washed it that day and I need to straighten my hair as it tends to get tangly on hairwash days. Or if i go gym, then I use this comb too.

Watsons Rose Scented wet tissue - A wet tissue is really handy and it doesn't stick to ur skin like how dry tissue can get. Oh, what's missing is tissues too in my handbag coz I keep finishing up several packets of it due to excessive flus nowadays..haha.

Body Shop Cranberry lip balm - Actually I find this useful coz I tend to have dry lips occasionally. This lip balm keep them smooth temporarily like totally cant see that I am having dry lips. Plus it has that bit of glitter on it. Smart!

Black Dangly Earrings - This is such a neat pair of earrings! I got it from Far East Plaza for just 3 bucks. It is an instant glam factor if I need to accessorize.

Loreal Blusher - I love this blusher! This colour is so me. I dont wear lipstick but i like blushers where I can actually see the shade of colour if I have it on. Some blushers are gimmicks. Cannot see the colour once I brush it on my cheeks. Oh, blushers give me this fresh look like 'I just had sex' look..bwahahah! Nolah..i just like it onlie.

Nokia Handphone - And how can we not have this most most most important thing of all? The handphone..duh! Okay, I use it mostly to answer calls..not much of making calls..more like sms-ing and listening to radio. Oh, and taking pics of myself! hahaha... these are the things lah. The evian mineral water also part of the ensemble but today I didn't carry one with me coz there wasn't enough bottles yesterday. I drink either this or ice mountain coz the latter is cheaper and taste nicer. but the evian bottle is nicer lah..hehe..So what do YOU have in urs?


One of my fav websites had just upgraded and I don't believe i can upload a whopping 10k of photos for free! BUt i have yet to really use that whole of 10k. COuld be just a gimmick. But now it has also become the ULTIMATe website to place the videos which I had painstakingly taken.'s not easy to keep my arms bent at the elbow for 30 seconds straight, you know. It's all in the focus..and what i ate prior to the shooting.

Anyway..this is so neat! check out this video!! oh a bit of background on the video. It is of course..starring my boyfriend. It's silent..coz im the ultimate amateur video camerawoman. But pictures..or in this case, video..speak a thousand words. Like how magic can woe people and throw the sceptic out of 'em, although sheepishly I am more into his biceps than any of his magic tricks added up altogether. Even if they can move the mountain. But man! Those biceps and body..and his appropriate height for my liking...can God ever be fair to me...haiz.

So yeah..yawns..he performed yet another of his magic trick right before he left for las vegas where he had been earning money to pay off my expenses here.

Tuesday, April 18, 2006


I am reallie trying my best to live each day to the fullest. Okay, I am not saying I go off bungee jumping or go sky diving...coz they're just the things to do for someone who wants to really live their life to the fullest. Actuallie, not necessarily. I would rather die early than to engage in those...although bungee jumping doesn't sound so bad. who am I kidding.

But i just wanna be able to tell someone what I did during the day or night..(I mean, prior to sleeping) and I wanna be able to stir some interest. I am not gonna define my life doing something like watching tv..programme after matter how thought provoking they are. Right now, I do have a few things in my mind which I try my best to get as much involvement as I can. Sorta make them a thing of reality..not some things which I wished I had done..or simply an more than that.

Okay, it was a good three days of rest...although I would say that my flu and clogged up mouth didn't really improve tremendously. So yeah..I finallie gave in to going to the doctor and got myself some medicine. Although I am still puzzled on why the heck the medicine is getting more and more expensive. Okay, put at it this why the heck for's always almsot to 50. Dimwits. Haha..come to think of it, I didn't look all sloppy when i went down to the clinic yesterday. I tot I looked like I wasn't sick. You know how the typical person who is sick would dress up. Most often they looked like they slapped on whatever clothes they can see..whether in the cupboard hanging or on the floor...and uhm...unable to tell the difference whether those had been worn or not. For me, I remembered when I used to get sick, I would dress in pretty big clothes...coz comfort is the number one factor for me. I wouldn't care if my doctor thinks that I am the world's worst dressed patient. I didn't know what got over me but I wore a black colour top that would look best on a non sick day. I just wanted something which I wouldn't need to iron..haha. As much as possible I wouldn't want to iron ANYTHing..but hey, would I rather dress up in clothes crumpled beyond recognition or be all prim and proper? Hrm..that's hard..hrm...think think cant answer especially if ironing is concerned and my mum doesn't volunteer..hehe.

So yeah party coz I was hoping it would be that Arab doctor who looked quite handsome and his hair an interesting shade of blonde. Okay, can't really remember coz it was so so so long ago. I think it was blonde highlights. Oh yeah, the only thing I remembered about him was that twice, he was freakin' late which I figured was maybe he was out partying the whole night prior to this. Well, if i knew how late he would be, I wouldn't be spending a few dollars at Mcdonald's to kill time considering I am not a big a fan of their breakfast.

So whatever. He didn't turn up but another doctor did. Eversince the original doctor passed away, there is not actual permanent doctor. I guess his wife wanted different doctors most times just like a change of clothes but based on my observation, the one who would stay longer would be those yuppy doctors. Yup, the kinds of doctors of whom you can easily mistaken as those working along shenton way..the sorta 'business-like' kind of composure and attire. I guess she has a thing for me..I just love to ogle at those handsome yuppy with their smart work shirt and pants..and ooh! oooh! I like those with jelled up hair or nice slightly spiky hair and then they carry laptops. Forget men in uniform! We're talking about men in work attire! Right..did I just digress here?

So this doctor was bald and I tot he was a patient. I mean he did come from an odd place. Usually doctors enter from the back door but this one came from the main entrance. He also looked at me and I was thinking..yet again..okay, so maybe he's admiring my butt or what..haha..I mean this gym thing slowly gets rid of my butt fats but as my butt is starting to take shape, it kinda took on a temporary sexy shape..hahaha! I mean..reallie! I didn't think much la except to label..chee ko pek onlie (Dirty old man). I mean he wasn't old but quite matured looking. And bald. Yet again, this doctor looked like the sort you would usually see drinking alone or with a group of guy friends at the bar or pub.

Yet another conclusion I can make is that how the wife of the deceased doctor, who is now the clinic's director, would go down pubs in search of doctors. I mean..reallie..except for like two of them..the rest would make me easily mistaken them as those who hang out along boat quay or clarke quay. Seriously..

Oh whatever. I hate going to the doctors and it doesn't matter to me if they're female or male..attractive or cute..or ugly even..I just hate going to the doctor and the after effects like the yucky medicine which I have to take. Okay, paying would fall under the same category too. Oh, and I also hate to report in sick if i ever need to take mc before I die from an overdose of snorts or a fever overkill.Gawd..I could have bought a brand new rather expensive top with that money for the medicine and consultation!!! Wah, add in a mere few dollars or not even, I can even buy two MANGO tops! I see more and more yuppy doctors jumping on the bandwagon now.

So right now..I am happy that I can sing without breaking my voice halfway whenever interrupted by a spitful of phlgem in my throat..hee. Hooray to me! Sing sing sing..I love singing!!!! Now if onlie i can get rid of the flu...

Saturday, April 15, 2006

Self Pics

Since Im still being savaged by the flu bug with both my nose and throat all clogged up, i'm quite weak to think and write a lengthy blog. I have some things to write about but sighz..i guess that will have to wait even when I write for my own pleasure and no one reads my blog. Still, Im weak..not denying that. So therefore i can only engage you in pictures of myself and it's up to you to think up of stories relating to the different anatomies of my face.
Hey, ask you something? Do i look that attractive to actually garner the attention of public? Narh..maybe it's just me or they tot i looked like some familiar celebrity face a.k.a. paris hilton or something. WhateveR. Oh, and my apologies to chinese guys who are on the lookout for a chinese girlfriend, sorrie to disappoint you that Im simply not chinese if you happened to look my way. And for each of the malay guy whose eyes seem to wander on me but has a girlfriend attached to his poor arm, Im not for ur eyes to see. Keep your eyes to your girl! Dont think we girls dont have eyes on our back. How do you I reckon I can sense a cute guy behind me like 500m away?

ME in pre FLU bug times

Me DURING my 'attacked by flu bug' times (notice the sickly pale look and the slightly sunken suffering)

But I still managed to smile despite ending up with a weird looking smile..haha..



something new! I just created this personal profile biodata thing using an entirely blog and it would be a permanent link on the sidebar very soon! people who come across this blog will somehow know that I am dead boring in real life actuallie! haha..enjoy!

Popz Biodata

Wednesday, April 12, 2006



guess what? I am SO officially sick. Now ain't this fun. I have been maintaining a clean health bill for at least the first three months and I tot that it was pretty ironic that april would be a common month for me to get sick. Actually, it is a miracle that I would be sitting down here and typing this out coz only today did I manage to actually not confine myself to bed. It was that bad...I never felt so 'sick'. I mean frankly speaking, sick of everything else..but not actuallie sick that I felt like dying as I was starting to develop fever.

and guess what..i was determined not to pay the doctor a visit coz I refused to take mc. Even though it was sucky that I actually had to work with someone who kinda did minimal admin work compared to me. Oh and also over the fact that she was on mc and urgent leave which left me with even bigger share of work. Even on the day when she was at work, she felt she was too sick to do admin stuffs like the mundane keying in of data. So it did feel like she wasnt around as well.

Oh bother. I guess you could say that why do i bother so much about people who dont care about my well being. I guess I am not speaking about her but other people as well. Although my mum, surprisingly, was concerned over my worsening illness and nagging at me to just leave people to their business and go to the damn doctor. But I dunno...I guess I was too sick to think straight..I still refuse to go doc as I felt I felt that....i dont want to trouble people. Still, the same time, I was fed up coz I felt like I was being pushed around. Not just by one person..but by more than one. Even to the extent when I was so fed up like hey...I worked my butt off by obeying what had been given to me as duties which I did not question. But when it came to my own priviledge of claining time off which are rightfully mine considering I worked on a non working day. Still even that met with more hesitation and with more empty promises till i was exasperated and thinking....that I am better off NOT claiming that time off. I guess it's jz a weakness of mine that I just ain't tough enough to protect what is rightfully mine. But on one hand, I think I can only show how truly in need of such time off especially when I am S.I.C.K. So I dunno..maybe it's meant to be or what...but my supervisor came just now for some field visit along with two students on attachment. Guess she saw how genuinely sick I was and how I still worked my ass off that this time around, she was not hesitant to grant me my time off. like..FINALLY!!!

So you can say that I really depend on good karma or total luck...whateva. Or maybe I was acting on people's sub-consciousness like how 'evil' they have been on me so they have a change of heart on me. Oh well.....what can I say. I ain't tough enough...but....i touch on people's nerve endings..hahahaha....

Monday, April 03, 2006

Such is Life this website is where you can make friends if you're desperate for friends or otherwise and just wanna chill out and let the creepheads..i mean..potential get to know a little bit more about you. I was onlie inspired by jason mraz to go there and sign up for the account even though i fully know that I can be an internet whore sometimes..sign up..then leave the first minute I see that it's damn boring. I mean...some websites out there won't let you view what they have to offer unless you sign up. So sign up I did..but they didn't say anything about staying..haha. However, I mz admit that it is a good place for aspiring musicians and amateur directors or film makers (of movies done in good taste...not..well..otherwise) coz it allows the uploading the videos and self produced music. Good for those who are not quite into 'mainstream'. Being a fan of underground music as well..this is definitely a good headstart. But for those with zilch musical talent like moi...and have no interests in getting to know guys who just wanna satisfy their hunger over my gorgeous pics (hey...they're worth drooling over u know..hahahah! *joke of the day*), it's kinda a waste of time. I think friendster is much better although I sheepishly admit that.

K..on to more serious stuffs. It hasn't been a good come on! It was Saturday...April Fools' day..i should be happy! Already I had to work on that day coz coincidentally it was also the day when it is my turn to act as a bluff receptionist of the day. Bluff coz it wasn't part of my job scope...but only to make up for the standard working hours ever since they change the job policy to confining working days to only weekdays. Actually I still don't understand the concept behind why i STILL have to work at least once each month every alternative quarter. But if you work in my department...there is little to understand as most are glorified crap.

Okay...I know..quit whining already coz at least Im racking in extra time hours to claim as time off which means I can take half day off on any particular weekday..woohoo! So much so you forget the fact that you just worked last Saturday coz any half days..feel like a brand new day! haha...Uhm, if you work in my department, the only thing that make you happy is when you are granted time offs which can make people jealous off their socks especially when taken on days considered as sluggish days...where for one minute to pass by is like waiting for one hour.

And also...this department where I had to offer my 'helping hand' just had to upgrade their computer system. Perfect for people whose brains are only half working especially on a non working day like Saturday. No more forgetting to key in the name and the bc or ic number as everything is computerised and the records maintained in the system. Oh, and also misspelling of names coz chinese names can sound so greek if you're a non chinese or even Indian names..they say the name so fast, I swear I only can catch the first syllabus. Like for example...'Raj............'..and I'd be 'sorry? can you repeat? or spell out' and they'd go 'It's Raj..................' so I was like..err...Raj it is then in the system..haha. Or they'll spell so fast it'd be like 'R...A...J...mcafkjfjsfsd'...and I'd know if I ask one more time..I'd probably get a feedback on how slow the staff is especially when it comes to names. I understand la their irritance like..fuwah..early in the morning ask them to spell already..haha.

And I was also happy coz I get to flex the computer geek instinct in me..haha. I love exploring the various new things in such I can do work much faster without going through the various loops. As much as I had little problem with Microsoft Excel..which they used previously...coz every free itchy hands will start to experiment on ways to retrieve records faster..this was WAY better. Now...whenever they want appointments on any particular days..I don't have to get back to them saying they haven't updated the schedule yet or that I don't know if there are vacancies as I had to look for empty slots in between the cells in the Excel. Straightaway..I can check okay..there's 'so and so number of place left'...and instantly, i can choose the date..the time..and voila....confirm it with them. Funny on a day where I was more than ready to take calls from the hotline as I get to play along with the system..the calls weren't that many. Conspiracy!! they jz don't want to give me a chance to destroy..I mean....experiment.

Things like this actually put a smile on my face as it could get rather dreary around here. My mum's super laziness has hit sky high and at times, she is really taking advantage over my precious free time after work. I mean..the last thing I want to know is what to buy at the supermarket or what food to buy at some food centre straight after I leave my shift or end my field work. A girl needs to rest her mind sometimes especially after doing mundane stuffs. But what is there to do..I don't want to appear as a god damn daughter who only thinks about herself and not the family. How I wish at times..people will just understand or care about my needs...but through out the years of living right on this very earth...I have learnt a lot about human behaviour. But the best thing to deal with being around people who couldn't care less about to just ignore their presence. Er...but if that person is your's a tad bit complicated depending on the situation...and thank heavens the music being played on air is much better than the previous time when they only played the new songs. So...with more songs coming from more genres and more time periods...I get to listen to a lot of great old and current songs. I get to forget about my problems and have some time spacing myself out from reality and take a backseat with some 'me' time.

My father's eye condition has turned for the worse just days ago and with full regret, I wished I had taken that day off to bring him to the clinic and hospital. I was afraid that he would have some trouble finding his way around and asked him if it was okay but he said that he would be fine. I tot that since he had gone before a few times it would be okay too but onlie thing didn't turn out to be okay after all. I was also being selfish as I tot that I had taken leave last thursday and couldn't afford to take another leave barely days after that. I very well knew that there might be problems as he had to go two places instead of one. When I got home quite late after work and he was still not back heart just dropped. I was ready to blame myself if anything happened to my dad. Even though I don't really talk much to him..but it pains me thinking about how hard he is at work..going almost everyday despite his poor health..while my mum doesn't quite spare a thought for him with interest in his money only. My mum always say why she is doing this or that or how my father is stubborn as a mule..dont want to listen to her..but have she ever thought..that she has the same problems too. Sometimes things are not as simple as she thinks they are...and I am sure she very well knows that having worked before also. I just don't understand her....which is true when she says people don't understand her. I don't think she understands me either..or anyone else for that matter.

He missed his last appointment with the hospital for laser surgery coz he got the queue numbers all mixed up back in poly as he couldn't see very well that day. By the time, he was done with poly which took the whole day due to the mix up, it was too late to come down to the hospital. So now, a few days ago, it became worse up to a point he had trouble even signing his attendance that day like everything was just more blur than usual. I mean in the first place he couldn't see very well either but didn't affect his work that badly. Oh, and he fell also on his way to the bus stop as it was worse at night. He was even willing to quit but I had to do a lot of convincing and did a lot of explanations that it was not wise to quit and not wise to give up. I was churning out all the possibilities on why the sudden blurness like his poor diet for that week (thanks to my mum..dont ask) and coz he didn't have laser surgery for some time. It wasn't easy initially but slowly he understands even though he was still rather stubborn especially over his diet thing.

The next day, when the opticians refused to make spectacles for him as it was beyond help already, I had to further convince him that he shouldn't quit yet. It was not coz he wanted to stop working (with a mum like mine..who wants to be at home with her in the day..haha) as he didnt want to stop earning money. But I told him that look..why not just rest the next two weeks till his appointment date instead of just quitting like that. And also..not to worry about the money as next month..merely a week after his surgery, he would get some money from govt which I convinced him was more than what he would earn from that two weeks. Then only after that I saw him nod a bit in agreement and call up his supervisor about his break and eye condition. You see, he still thinks about my give her money...when I told him that besides, whatever bills we have to pay comes from my salary and not his so there's little worry. He said that he still had to support my mum. Gawd...things like this can make me cry..and yeah..when I was almost at a lost initially when he wanted to quit and give up on his health..I actually did tear.

But I tried to pull through and I know he is more understanding than my mum as he tries to understand my situation that income and savings wise, I have not stabilised yet. I mean, I only began to understand the meaning of 'saving up for the future' last year and that I am still too young to bare the full responsibility of maintaining the family. Although I have taken up most resposibilities, ever since I started working, in terms of bills and paperwork...I still need his help somehow. I know that this may not be forever so in anyway I can, I try to save up as much as I can. Like the recent bonus I got, even though it was minimal, it was still enough and I didn't go all crazy buying stuffs after stuffs.

Logically, it pays to buy things that cost cheaper than the average store but it doesn't mean that you start losing control over your expenditure. It's easy to lose focus but we have to train ourselves to refocus back on our financial goal like for's my studies and for my partner, her marriage. I mean..she can plan definitely on what she wants for her wedding but things can't happen if you don't have the ka-ching. I don't see the need why she needs to blow more than half of her bonus in under a day after getting the money. I know it isn't easy to resist especially if that blouse is staring at me and whispering 'buy me! buy me!'...but we have to refocus and soon, we'll get over it. Trust me..if you truly need it, when you take the time to get'll treasure it more as you don't just buy mercilessly and then wear them once or twice and forget their existence later.

By the way I had this big big headache I had after I left work just now, coz of trying to adjust to so many new things esp the computerised system. I handled more patients that I had handled before when I had to cover for the person on actual duty today as she was on leave. Plus this new computerised system, despite its promise to make our work easier and 'paperless', I still had to record individual students' data into the book. And coz the ones conducting the eye tests were too busy to do the paperwork, I had to find their results online on various windows after clicking frantically several times. These had to be recorded which puzzles me as to me it was double work. Then no point having this paperless system what if you are still insecured about it and therefore require us to do more work.

Gosh, already the receptionist wasn't THAT helpful either as she didn't understand people need some breather after attending one patient. I need to key in the data manually on the pc and then transfer it to the exercise book.. She irritated me a few times especially when the patients' data had not been transferred to me yet or I had yet to finish the paperwork for the last patient and she opened the door exposing me to the patient and the family. Obviously if they saw me with no one around, naturally they would think that I was free already. What bull...stupid receptionist. I understand my colleagues' frustrations with her and even when i was more computer savvy than her, I myself struggled to keep up with the patients coming in one after another. Whatever spare time I had, I tried to record down the several blocks of data into my exercise book. NOt suprisingly, that was the cause of my headache later which turned to fever after awhile when I reached back home.

Even though today it wasn't quite a good day, there were some suprising times which put a smile on my face. Like when I gave clearer explanations to parents about their children's eye conditions through my powerpoint slides and whatever knowledge I had. I didn't have any troublemakers as parents and all complied even though the children looked rather aloof or shy..I dunno..but for me as long as one understands, I wouldn't think it was a waste of time. Oh, and how this senior citizen, an old man probably in his seventies, made my dreary morning a bit better despite its fleeting moment.

I had to send my father to the bus stop opposite the road coz I needed to help him look out for the bus. And how I was so unhappy about my mum as she didn't understand that I had to report to work at 8 sharp as it was the clinic not my usual screening locations. She insisted to send him all the way to his work place before going to work as there was enough time. Half an hour..enough time meh? He kinda made me forget awhile about what happened earlier by letting me go up the bus first even though he should be the one not me. He just made way for me and I muttered a 'thank you' to him. I dunno if he could hear lah. gentlemanly. Instantly man..I forgot about my problem just from his gesture. Things like this make me realise that life is worth living as even strangers can make your day. Even the people you grew up with..who supposedly know you better...they still don't understand us or just take us for granted. Such is life...

Saturday, April 01, 2006


People born in the month of September...these are the qualities. K..i wonder why they didnt say that one of the qualities is how much i HATE to translate this.

* Sangat bersopan santun & bertolak ansur.
* Sangat cermat, teliti & teratur.
*Suka menegur kesilapan orang lain & mengkritik.
* Pendiam tapi pandai bercakap.
* Sikap sangat cool, sangat baik & mudah simpati.
* Sangat perihatin & terperinci, amanah, setia & jujur.
* Kerja yang dilakukan sangat sempurna.
* Sangat sensitif yang tidak diketahui.
* orang yang banyak berfikir.
* Daya pentaakulan yang baik.
* Otak bijak & mudah belajar.
* Suka mencari maklumat.
* Kawal diri dari terlalu mengkritik.
* Pandai mendorong diri sendiri.* Mudah memahami orang lain kerana banyak menyimpan rahsia.
* Suka sukan, hiburan & melancong.
* Kurang menunjukkan perasaannya.
* Terluka hatinya sangat lama disimpan.
* Terlalu memilih pasangan.
* Sukakan benda yang luas.
* Bersistematik

Long Weekend, A Little Rambling & My Lack of Gratitude

The day I discover IG filters It's almost mid week to August..argh. I am in the midst of a long weekend, which sadly will come to ...