Sunday, March 30, 2008

Imperfections in Relationships

Before I start convulsing while watching a certain clip from youtube currently, (one of those camp crap), actually it did have a nice end to it. Thank God. If not the convulsing would be for nothing.

Besides that, early this week I just did a search on a movie which I tried to find on youtube to watch it in full previously, but failed, and it turned out..just my luck..someone posted the entire thing mere days ago. Of course I was very happy...and kinda busted my sleeping hours to watch it.

It's about friendship and how they actually bonded based on the circumstance that they were in though each one differed vastly from one another. And this bond further strengthed by playing softball even though they sucked (but their coach begged to differ..) and eventually the only time they won was when they had to play against a bunch of ailing senior citizens in contrast to their previous game played against the firefighters.

Okay I admit I was a bit distracted by the lead actor but his character was not the one where the whole group wished they were. Suave, handsome....smooth especially the breaking up part, which he actually used lines from a script (he was an aspiring actor) although later on his ploy was discovered when the one he was breaking up with saw the words on his hand.

The dialogue was witty and funny at its best and each character was alive on its own which made the movie entirely watchable. But tragedy happened and the group started falling apart. They realised that other than having one another for company like such as during beer drinking sessions and throwing parties, there wasn't much in their life to prove to them that they had achieved something.

So they made a 180 degrees turn of their lives out of such unforeseen circumstances and started doing something or make them see what they had been missing out on life while they were blinded by things that had caused them to hurt other people's feelings or hurting their ownselves. For example, the aspiring actor became the one who get dumped instead by a movie star who was already married but obviously into him for a mere fling.

But I think the most significant one came from the least unexpected one from the group. He came across as the timid sort who thinks too much out of situations which is not surprising considering he studies psychology. After his friend lost consciousness from a drug overdose, he started to rethink about his on off relationship and how he had been hurting the one he loved all this while by being such a prick.

Oh my gawd..he gave the best speech. He was like saying something like this..

'you told me once you were waiting for me to wake up but you didnt wait long enough. I've never been more awake than you ever knew me before. I admit I f**ked up. No matter who you were, there is always something wrong with you and someone better out there (for me). I wanna take that all back and start appreciating you for who you are. I am telling you....right now...I love you...I still love you. And it has nothing to do with me and it has nothing to do with how good looking he is. It's to do with you. Because you are sweet and endearing and...uncomplicated. And Im so pitiful. I hope you are happy together and everything works out and he is everything that you need. Because you deserved it.

But if it's not and it ends, I'll be there. It's my turn to wait and Im going to wait long enough.'


Good news is, that speech actually worked. In the final montage, though showed in mere seconds, they were back together. Though he was still in his uber 'I told you so!' psychology mode, it has become from a major issue to a non issue.

I think it speaks volumes of the fact that one cant expect for the other one to be so perfect because the truth is, no one is. It's just a matter of how much you are willing to get by the imperfections and get to the core of the person...the one that made you fall in love with in the first place. And no Im not talking about me in my shallow self whenever I see a hunk walking down the street.

But it also helps that if we have a certain habit that is loathed by our significant other, like in this case..smoking pot, it's best that we kick it. They're not trying to be naggy or what but it's because they love us that they want us to stop doing harmful things to our body. They want to see us in the pink of health and not sick in bed because it breaks their heart seeing us in such a state.

Of course their relationship was far more complicated than this. You know, maybe if you have the time, scour through video rentals or go online to find those gem of a movie that need not necessarily have big stars to them. I think what is more important is the essence of the movie and how it has made an impact on you as the audience.

Unfortunately, Im bad at remembering titles so I cant recommend them to you and such videos may soon get deleted or the account shut down due to infringement of copyrights. But at least, it kills time just watching something that can give us some pointers in life or in love.

From Raining to Drizzling

And so it still does rain on me.....

It has been almost a month since I started work at this new place and believe still feels a bit lonesome..almost awkward and I realised it was no longer the case of missing my ex colleagues. That has been put aside a long time ago because I was ready to move on after five years. Now I just think because I felt lonely as I was the only newbie around in the general office and the one who came in before me...came in like five years ago. There was no one to actually hang around like some newbies' club as we learn things together, make mistakes together and basically just bond together.

My colleague told me that it is normal to make mistakes in the first month and she herself had made several mistakes and had been scolded upside down for them. But she said, she didnt take it to heart because all the scoldings were a reminder to her to not let it happen again. I was, so called lucky, in the sense that I had not been scolded badly but...I was reminded gently over some do's and dont's. I know all this is just part of the learning process but no matter what, it still stinks especially when someone of higher authority gave you that gentle reminder. So no matter what, Im still miffed. I know I will just get it over with and see it as nothing eventually but for now, it has left a bit of an aftertaste. And I dont quite like that aftertaste.

I mean come on, you cant be so 100% focused especially when halfway through, you get pretty shagged coz of the ridiculous requests by parents who obviously had too much time at hand despite working. And then you just make a slip of mistake. And because of that one single mistake, it felt that you had done wrong all this time. Now I understand when celebrities who have a good record all this time, fouled up one time, and then that record got tarnished and people forget the extensive charity work done by these celebrities.

Whatever...I just should learn to shrug it off and then move on, eh?

It's needs a wake up call once in awhile and no matter how stinky it feels being alone and scared at this relatively new working environment, I am still thankful for this opportunity. Starting from this Monday too, I want to take a different approach of how I do things. I dont want to ask them a lot of questions and so far, since the last few days, I had been rather independent and try to figure things out on my own myself although, Im still an office idiot. Okay I know I sound demeaning especially to myself but it's the truth. Im the type who learns quickly but before that happens, I fumble and try to work things out myself especially when using office applications like excel (which apparently is a fav among them..darn it) coz I didnt want to disturb my colleagues too much. They have their own specialised responsibilities while I do the miscellaneous stuffs but still, Im an office idiot. Good thing they will show me how to get what I want out of excel, for example, and then the bulb on top of my head lights up like some kind of new revelation, in seconds.

So I guess you can say Im slowly moving up the rank from being an office idiot to an office..err..girl. Now you think that I may be proficient when it comes to using computers like how I miraculously cure my computer of any hiccups despite panicking like nobody's business such as the recent times when all the icons of my desktop disappeared then managed to restore them back in less than five minutes. But being an ex working field officer, I was not exposed too much to office applications except the school database portal. So trust me, it was quite a minefield for me.

But my colleagues have been very very helpful and I cant thank them enough. If you ask me, it has been quite a major role reversal coz back then in hpb, I was being asked a lot especially when it comes to certain stuffs which I thought they could figure it out on their own but were too lazy to do so. Now it's my turn to ask a lot and not coz I was being lazy as well but I really had no clue coz of obvious lack of experience.

As the weeks passed, my workload has been increasing as well and I am faced with new and ongoing tasks and one of them had been quite traumatising for me..haha. For someone who is pretty disorganized in life, no surprise that this part of me seeped into my work as well when it comes to planning. But I had it rectified when I conveyed my problem to my boss and it turned out that it was because I based it on last year's schedule which fell on a different day which had shorter hours that the current day that I was planning based on this year.

After that, I stopped crying internally and stop imagining myself being thrown out and labelled 'ineffective worker'.

Well, after writing about my work woes, somehow I feel a little less upset than yesterday. Like what I have said earlier, no matter what, life goes on.

And infact, my life has been prolonged and I was this close to facing death and before that, writing my deathwish. Why? Coz it had been a mere wishful thinking that I would get some money this month based on previous years' record and there was no news whatsoever this year regarding such payout. Trust me, it was the only thing that left me hanging on a single piece of hope.

I cant thank God enough for the payout which I eventually received last Thursday even though I miscalculated how much I received..heh. I still could not pay my bills yet with the money I received not coz I was being stingy but need I emphasize to you once again, that I , have not been paid a single cent yet by this organization. Basically this payout will help me to tide over the difficult times that I am having till Apr 12 where I will finally get my much awaited pay.

Well, even if I am getting two months' pay next month, it's not a 'hip hip hooray' kind of thing for me. That simply means, I will still need to x2 the payout for my bills. The only thing that I am pretty happy about is mum will only take half a month's pay coz she said that it is far important to pay the utilities bills. But she is still looking forward to go shopping with the planned $500 that I will be giving her.


Anyway, that will give me a bit of spare cash and Im not going to go on a shopping spree with it (though buying a pair of low heels wouldn't kill..or a top from Mango). I will try my best to keep them as savings. Yes, do note that 'try my best' bit because trust me, I know the meaning of life is so unpredictable.

And apparently April is also a month of 'money! money! money!' coz the government decided that us people...are almost dying from the hike in prices of things in general especially every day items like bread. It's not much but trust my killer budget sense, heh...I can try to stretch that $150 even if it means walking about ten minutes to my work place instead of taking a bus or sacrificing lunch for a cup of oatmeal or throwing out unnecessary items out of the grocery basket..with unnecessary crying.

Well, next week will be a whole new different month and let's all begin the month by stepping out on the right foot. Although I still predict getting out of bed to get ready for work is still going to be matter in what month.

Thursday, March 27, 2008

Sugar Fixed Hyper Me

I...should blog..but i have no freaking idea what to blog about...


rahayu is very happy (dont sue me for the third person talk...)

but Im officially out of being broke! woohoo!

and I actually got MORE than I expected..looooooooove it!

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Big Wet Kisser

Eh, I think it's quite a sad fact that Im more knowledgable in tv dramas and reality tv shows across the globe but not in Singapore. I dont even know what goes on in Channel 5. But then again, who cares.

I know I blogged about Jo Weil (the handsome boyfriend of mine as pictured above) and thought that he's oh-so-cute. Taking about guys, my brother came up with a nickname recently for such guys which I sometimes asked him to take a peek at over at my pc and of course in which he is more often NOT interested in. He calls them 'hunkabalooza'..and a typical verse of his will go like 'Im not interested in your HUNKABALOOZAS lah!' and whenever he sees Ronnie on youtube or see his picture, he will chant in the background..'Ronnie is'

Brothers=Annoying Little Pests

As much as I think Jo Weil is good looking with the typical dark handsome look, I have a weeeee bit problem with his kissing. I ah..associate it with slobbering. U want me to be more specific? I have a problem with his lower lip. Okay, truth be told, I have a problem seeing people make out in bed or simply making out a.k.a kissing coz I shy lah...hee. But for his case and for some others, if I can tolerate for that few seconds with a lot of peek-a-boos, I notice that his lower lip is a little bit out of control when kissing...almost like he's slobbering on something..or someone and that he opens his mouth a bit wider than usual like he's about to eat the lips of the other person.

Oh gawd..I know I sound like such a high class loser. I also have a problem seeing someone kiss another person..on tv of course....with the mouth pressed on the other..closed. It's like the person doesnt even bother to pucker up and it's almost feelingless and that he is being forced to kiss by the director to a person he doesnt fancy as in the actual person portraying the character. Maybe there is a reason why I dislike seeing two people kiss. I complain too much ah.

If Jo can rectify the problem, I can watch the german soap drama in peace and with less awkwardness. But then again, his sad little puppy face makes me forgive his slob..I mean..unnatural looking kiss. Yes my dear, I know you'd rather kiss me than your co star so you're forgiven.

Suck on Your Lollipop

Okay i got a little confession to make...(and no, Im not going to bore u with the fact that Im STILL broke!)..I actually am a fan of the singer MIKA.

If you need a little pick-me-up kind of cd that makes you sing in high falseto or.err....just sing along to the chorus, this is a great album.

I admit I dont have his album but I have a few of his songs and now, dont be have some of them in your mp3 player or ipod.

Now, I know there is this little hot piece of gossip that MIKA leans towards his kind (and no Im not going to elaborate further on it). What's up with you people stereotyping guys singing in high pitch?! The lead singer of rock band Incubus, the hottie hot hot one is, bisexual with higher inclination towards guys and he doesnt sing like he's wearing tight pants. He doesnt want to discuss his sexuality because it's a private thing but like what my brother said, who cares if he's ___ as long as he makes great music. I train him well...*smirks*.

So, if you want to add a wee bit of colour to your life, listen to Lollipop!!

ps: okay, contrary to popular belief, rahayu is not in her delusional past midnight self..she is promoting this album with two thumbs up!

Monday, March 24, 2008

Everyday Blues

What the heck happened to the internet at school? seems that it is not doing its job properly! Then again, it could just be Monday blues...just like me...onlie difference is that...I experience blues every day...until I get money..or at least get paid.


Hate my life right now.

Sunday, March 23, 2008

My Internet Trade Secrets

Yay! Now I have another soap drama to keep up with and it's yet another German drama which has an ongoing story compared to the last one which has stopped. See, the thing about such soap dramas is that they have few storylines within one drama itself but onlie one or two is worth watching..heh. And these are usually the more popular ones which fans of the show usually upload into popular websites such as youtube, dailymotion and others. How I come across such shows is either by chance or when Im surfing around fan sites or blogging sites, they will talk about them and post up pictures or videos of them and I just do my own searching if I want to see more of them.

Currently, Im waiting for this independent film to be released onto vcd and then hoping for people to upload the vcd files into a torrent website. From this website, I will then be able to download these torrent files onto my own PC for my own viewing pleasure. It's like ripping songs from a CD and then uploading these songs onto the websites where people can download even though nowadays, if you want to download, you have to pay at least one US dollar. But hey, internet is not just good for surfing for information, if you know how to use it properly, there are loads of open source files created by fellow internet users for people like you and I. How I find out about such open source files other than searching for it via internet, is to visit people's websites where there are links for you to follow through or by reading up on my weekly reads such as Digital Life.

See, I dont mind telling people some trade secrets but it's just that I dont like to tell all coz I think it limits people into not finding out more coz like I said, there are so many things out there on the net that can be explored. And, also coz I took some time to find the things that I want and it's not really easy for me to tell people just like that and it's like instantly 'bingo!' to them. But Im not that selfish so once in awhile, I may tell you how I do my stuffs though at times, it's a little bit lengthy which may put people off like how I manage to get free ringtones or themes for my handphone or even download songs for free.

You see, it's like this. You want free dont always get it free...with a snap of the fingers. When I tell people how I got my ringtones free or download music for free, they're like..'huh? so complicated ah?' and of course I expected such reactions. It's like going via the backway which can be a little bit more difficult to walk through coz not everyone goes that way. In Malay terms, it is 'pandai pandai sendiri..'. Partly coz of this difficulty, it's not always I change handphone themes or change my ringtones..and I meant the shorter ones..not the usual ringtones which people used their mp3 with that play from start to mid of the song as long as they dont answer their damn phone or read their damn message.

Talking about my German Soap drama, I found him:

Jo Weil...or in other words..Rahayu's German Lover

Now that Ronnie is yet again in the bottom 3, for the bloody fifth time, and that he's sustaining coz he's a fan fav (how do you explain his survival when put up against someone in the bottom three once..and was voted out instead of him?), at least if he goes out this time, I got someone else to put up under 'My Guy of the Moment' slot..heh. I have think ahead what!

Fortunately, Jo was born in 1977 so me liking him will not make yours truly a paedophile compared to Ronnie who was born years than me. Go Jo!

Back to Ramblings


so im back to blogging but it doesnt mean that life is back to normal for me again. It's just that I cant keep away from blogging for long I guess. Plus, I cant keep my fans waiting for long, can i? (as if..)

You know how sometimes in life, you have planned for things to be like this or like this whether in the long term or the short term and then everything goes awry. Im not saying about my dream to become a teacher...has somehow ended....but God gave me something else instead that doesnt let me to directly get involved with the children which I think is a pretty decent move to keep me from being stepped all over. Im a softie in general and I dislike scolding children...unless they are too much and deserve a little scolding as I morph into a big bad wolf. So far, only a handful of children had made me morph into that during my preschool screening days. You know, those spoilt brats kind.

Well, you get some, you lose some...or you dont get anything at all. Of course, at this point of time life truly sucks and the only thing that we can do is just hope for the better and try to lessen the burden a bit.

Like for now, I thought I was going to be in a bit of trouble this week but seems that there is still a bit of hope as I miraculously did not exceed my budget that I had put together for last week. I tried to scrimp as much as I can while not trying to let the rest of my family members suffer so much especially my mum. See, the thing is that my mum knows that Im in pretty bad shape now but unfortunately, she's not being in her usual 'i shall help her' self. Im sorry to say this but she's being selfish. Yes, I have said it. Selfish. Even my brother thinks so. Of course he doesnt say selfish but she keeps pressurizing my brother to use his fifty dollars (which I asked him to keep for soon) to buy for her food from the Indian food stall up the hill. In case you think I dont feed her enough, I do buy her snacks like those fried food on sticks..dunno how else to describe them. She also cook rice (the least amount of cooking that she does) and shares it with my brother together with the chicken nuggets that she baked.

Then my father also buys for her food with the money that he got from his relatives even though it wasnt much. It was just for his usage but he still used it to buy for my mum and brother.

If I try to bring up this topic of her current eating spree, she will give me hell with her nonsensical speech. So I'd rather not do it and just do whatever I can to so called...bear with this burden.

God may give me hardship but He does try to help in little ways that He can. Now Im just hoping He works a little faster in giving me the money from my performance bonus and *fingers crossed*, the damn Power Supply dont demand for the other half of the bill soon enough. They have become such big bad bullies to us nowadays just because they're the only provider for electricity and water. They dont know such a thing called hardship despite the fact they keep on increasing the utilities charges with the excuse that petrol prices have increased.

Now even my own computer is giving me probs though it's not quite a big one. It's merely due to old age which is why one of my plans is to change the graphic cards in the laptop but unfortunately, as you know it, didnt go according to plan. The money I reserved to repair the card has gone into being responsible for putting food on the table.

Despite all this, I do feel thankful that I no longer have to think about how the heck am I going to spend on transport and on food prior to this new job. I try to cut down on tranport costs as much as I can for this new job also by walking out to the main road instead of taking the bus out from my work place. Next, I am going to try to walk in also since I often manage to have at least twenty more minutes before my official starting time for work. I think it is a possibility since it will take me about five to eight minutes only for walking. That is how I managed to spend only ten bucks in a week which is a vast difference back then when I was often travelling as part of my field work.

In terms of food for lunch, I bought a tin of oatmeal and have that for lunch along with two pieces of wholemeal bread and in between, I eat biscuits from the pantry or from my own table. Nobody really cares what I eat which is good even though it will be a little embarassing if they find out what I eat for lunch. Of course, once my financial status is more stable, I will still keep up with this sort of food but I will also try to add in a bit more variety like half of the waffle that I buy sometimes after work from Prima Deli or even with the cheap packet lunch from the school canteen. I no longer experience the headache of choosing what food to eat that is not only cheap but also healthy which, alas, despite my simple request (see..I dont even quote 'delicious' as even part of my food criteria for lunch), it had been pretty hard as well. But now I can afford to eat healthy.

Being on a wholemeal diet has made me feel less bloated and a little bit more body confident even though I think currently, it is merely psychological. But hey, if I keep up with this, it will also show physically and I dont think it's just wishful thinking. Of course I wont abandon real food like how I devoured a small packet of nasi lemak which my father bought for my mum which she could not eat coz he bought two packets of it. I dislike nasi lemak coz anything to do with coconut or deep frying, I try to stay clear for the past two and a half years, but you cant be too harsh on yourself and eating such food four or five times a year is still okay. Heck, even the Health Minister helps himself on the lard laden char kway teow few times a year too. Simply said, you cant keep away from good sinful food all your life.

Alright, judging from this entry, you would have figured out that I have got back my rambling mojo.

Now on to wishing I get my performance bonus..very soon enough.

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Why Does it Always Rain on Me?

Dreary Wet Day

Im not a sucker for colourful text but just to cheer up another dreary entry, shall just 'brighten' it up a bit.

I cant seem to blog at home coz im either too tired or my brother is hogging the computer WHILE doing his homework. Tired tired tired...I need to wake up!

I have lost my sense of ramblings.

So depressed.....

Talking about depression,

Dewie is in the bottom 3 again for the fourth time and he is up against someone who is in the bottom 3 for the first time. And it's a girl.

But based on the video trailer, people were assuming that he was still in the running while Sharon would be thrown out.

Dewie! Hang in there..

As for myself, dunno for how long I would be able to hang on...haiz..............................

Monday, March 17, 2008

Low, Low

To tell you the truth, Im at the lowest point of my life right now. Absolutely lowest point. Words cant describe what Im going through right now emotionally except that Im scared stiff of what is to come.

I just hope my glimmer of hope will come very soon.

Anyway, despite being so down in the dumps, I actually have this precognition of my future blogskin. Okay maybe not. I only had a rough idea.

Im just attracted to the lyrics of the song Lollipop by MIKA:

'' Sucking too hard on your lollipop,
Or love's gonna get you down"

Okay Im more interested in the concept of sucking a lollipop. Dont Ask. Oh well, here's a preview of my upcoming blogskin:

If this design has a name, it's called 'boredom at its best..when you're feeling so low in life'. Or simply, 'life sucks'.

Im so not looking forward to work. I dislike working especially when Im not PAID YET!

Sunday, March 16, 2008

DnD Nite Part 2

As promised, pictures from the DnD (Dinner and Dance) nite held by my previous employer. Now now..if you wanna make fun of my outfit, please proceed to the comments area.

Other than that, there was one person whom I caught sniggering at my outfit. Yes yes snigger all u want you cheap ah-go-go woman U!..

Anyway she's a waste of my time. Nothing else can preoccupy my mine at that except what was coming up later on the menu.

Dance the night away!

P.S: Im not a complete loser anyway. I got $60 worth of NTUC vouchers as a gift and also as a lucky draw prize. Woohoo!! These vouchers came in damn handy for me especially when buying the groceries.

Friday, March 14, 2008

Missing You...


I dont know why im so cheerio..maybe coz i got free bag? No no...I dont know..AHA!! But I think that it's because today is FRIDAY!!!



I miss my ex colleagues. I think Im suffering in what you call..err...workplace blues. I was ranting to my mum few days ago (in my sick mode) about how lonely it is at my workplace..I got no friends to talk to...blah blah....and my mum was telling me I made an irrational decision about leaving my previous work.

But come to think of it, when part of my brain cells began recovering already (though Im still officially not well yet)..I realised that my colleagues and also my previous working life were not as good as back then in HPB.  Life back then was better but people complained a lot about having to go back to office under the sun sunny weather. And then we just had to have this outsourcing thing that affected our department  and then we were hit  by reality  that we took things for granted all this time.

For me Im happy to go back to HPB coz it makes me feel like I have a place to go to. Besides home that is. And because I can use the gym. But that's beside the point.

Even though the work is pretty much the same...infact no printing and stuffs...I missed the good ol' times when we used to go together for lunch with other teams and then just talk and talk. But then, nowadays when we talked, it was always about the same thing...the people that we loathed to work with and so not looking forward to work with. Other than that, there are a lot of bitterness which I cant describe here but it's always the same story and I was getting tired already about it because Im not the type to badmouth other people and I am beginning to feel 'dirty' about it.


maybe that's why I didnt regret leaving them behind though it would be painful in the past.

I think I'll get by...

when I have more things to do at work to keep my mind pre-occupied.

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Losing Battle

I sometimes feel like Im fighting a losing battle. I try to stay on top of things in terms of financial affairs when it comes to my family but I do feel like Im about to drown too. Why am I being so philosophical this morning? Besides trying to wake up from the fact that I...did not get my salary today (am very sad about it)..Im thinking about how am I going to survive my family. Okay frankly speaking, I do have backup plans which DO NOT involve selling stuffs this time. I actually still have some savings left but Im just worried how long it would last as I have no idea for how long it will be able to help us through such times like this. Alas, life is so unpredictable.

Eurgh...hate the feeling.

Anyway, that aside, I actually sacrificed 5 minutes of my time this morning of going to work (which led me to miss one whole line of potential buses that I could take) just to watch a bit of soap drama. Well, it was a pinnacle point of the storyline so I just HAD to watch it. It was aired yesterday in UK and I dont know how they do it, making me think they are way advanced than us in terms of technology (and recording), but then again knowing Singapore, it was probably way cheaper there than here.

Okaylah, other than it being an unusual storyline, at the very least it made me smile this morning.'s soap hello? I dont know if I mentioned this before but it is about a priest who spoke to God in the earlier part of the clip ..which I did not fully watch but perhaps tonight, questioning about..err..something in the line of being celibate. In other words, he had fallen in love with someone and not wanting to argue anymore and bear feelings of jealousy among each other, he 'fessed up to the one that he loves. He was not about to give up on his faith but at the same time, he also felt that one is also entitled to love..and to touch...

Wow *sniff*...

Well, a little distraction from my life helps sometimes.

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Mosaics Music Festival

I cant believe broken social scene came to Singapore! (besides Harry Connic Jr aka the GoRgeous psychopath). Too bad I cant watch them coz the ticket costs $118 and I did not manage to get a sponsor in time. In case you dont know, I also like indie music and I think this is a great band which hailed from Canada. I got to know this song and then the band when I was watching one of the episodes of a certain show from america via youtube. It just blended in well with the theme of that time when two lovers reunited. Dont ask me to explain further. Anyway, I thought the song was really nice. Some sort of really nice ode to the couple.

Here's a preview of the song..but this one was sung by a female singer. Infact, it's the same singer who sung the theme from ipod nano...Feist..who is a rising star with the song '1,2,3,4'. She's from that band and if they can churn out a wonderful singer like that, it just explains a lot about the band who are notoriously known for switching rosters. That means you can see one playing the bass guitar, then on to keyboards and blah blah. Just shows how multi-talented they are as musicians.

I got a full clip of the song called Lover's Spit which is a very nice ballad following the preview below:

Broken Social Scene Lover's Spit

Oh, and here is also another fav of mine who also came for the Mosaics Music Festival in the previous time...JASON MRAZ!

He re-released this song Im Yours from the soundtrack of 50 First Dates as a single and I have not heard the radio version yet. I got this song last year so I dont know if there are any differences. But then again,'s Jason Mraz. Cant go wrong with that. This song got a nice hawaiian accompaniment to it.

Jason Mraz Im Yours

Enjoy listening to them!

Speed Test

Boo! Now that Mariah is not online and has gone to do some PR stuff on some event, im back to being bloody bored.

I came across this in a blog..

A typing speed test.

Unbelievable..I was ranked 'position 173018 of 1037215' in the test! Well, at least it was accurate in my typing speed which is 74 words per minute and I only got three words wrong. I like...this ofc keyboard.

74 words

Speed test

According to the website, if you can master the art of touch typing, you dont have to look at the keyboard to type anymore. And you can achieve a speed of 70 wpm.

Try it! See how well you do!

Top Ten

Im still down with flu...but heck, that's besides the point. I was supposed to blog about this..about my brother. He's not exactly a topic of interest but nevertheless, he actually made me proud! And that doesnt happen all the time you know. He is actually in the top ten of his class!


He recently sat for his common tests and in between, he also had class tests. When combined, he actually did really well for his Maths..he got a freaking 94 out of 100!!!!!

He was surprised when his name was called out as among the top ten. Well duh..Anyway, if you think that the hard work mostly come from me, actually not really. Yes I did teach him if he wanted help but most of the time, he was on his own. I noticed that he would practise using the questions from his textbook before proceeding with his homework. There were times when he could not get the answers right and he was screaming like some mad person. So I had to teach him and see where he went wrong (or I cant play the computer in peace) and then once he got the hang of it, he got all the answers that he got right.

The only prob now is his science which he still struggles through and also his geography.I dont know if I will be getting my pay tomorrow but there's a chance I would since they work on an advanced system. Meaning, they usually pay you one month's worth of pay even if it's still the middle of the month.

Hopefully have la. Ever since something came up last week which took a hefty amount of my savings away, I am in dire need of money in the form of salary...*sobs*

Monday, March 10, 2008

Workplace Boredom

So...Im totally bored. And somehow I really miss my colleagues...all the 'rah-rahs'...the fun...the laughter...and Im stuck in this rather dry place where everyone is so serious. Okay so Im complaining coz I dont have work to do coz im still a freshie and this being the March holidays, there are no pesky students and calls to keep myself entertained.

I dont know why...but I suddenly have the urge to sing the national anthem of US of A.


Oh, say! can you see by the dawn's early light

fortunately, I can only sing the first line....

DnD Part One

Okay...I managed to grab some photos from my ex colleagues' friendsters and yes, it is a good thing they dont know I have this blog.

About my dress, uhm...a close ex colleague of mine gave it to me as a present earlier that day and she wanted me to wear it for the DnD. Because it has always been her dream to see me wear something else other than the usual tops I wore.

Unfortunately, my mum was also in agreement that I wore the blouse although I did think it did not fit well with the whole retro theme. Knowing my mum, she's just happy it's not tight if I always wear like that.

So seriously, I..dont have a choice.

But anyway, enjoy the pictures for now before I upload those from my phone.

Invasion of Immune System


Rahayu is officially under the weather. No thanks to coke intake though I still think I should blame my brother because he was sick first..heh. Supposed to put up photos of the DnD in the office right now since Im freaking bored and that now is holidays so there isn't much to do for a newbie like me. Oh who am I kidding...there ISNT any work for me. I forgot to bring the wire so too bad, have to do at home if I can snatch some computer time without my flu bug ransacks my body system after which I will have to wave the white flag.


Oh, entertainment news update: dewie bottom three again.In baseball, that would be strike three and you're out!

But like he said and according to the opinions of others also, the girls posed the biggest threat. Well, it's no surprise but wouldn't it be nice for a male model to win instead? hrm? I know it's a female dominated industry. Still, there are also exceptions right? Especially if he has a cute pouty face like this..

dewie..sad..well, that makes two of us.

OH, and I find out that I am not able to download certain things that require active plug-ins. Darn it. Anyway, it's a govt network and they do wish to protect themselves from malicious viruses...blah blah blah.

Friday, March 07, 2008

Just Another Week Gone

Stoopid...this is why I have this on and off love affair with soap dramas. Very the DRAMA!! Just when you thought it is all back to fuzzy wuzzy when it comes to two people being in love..out of again (I sound like Im weaving through a traffic jam)..and then wham! Some twist in the plot kills the relationship or stall it and then you will be left wondering why you bother staying true to the storyline in the first place. Already I stopped watching this german soap drama because apparently, someone decided to shift his focus on someone else that he knew before his current love interest. Oh well. Like someone commented, it was good when it lasted. All few episodes of it. And in another drama, it seemed that a spoiler (future plot in the story line) that leaked via the internet, apparently is coming true. Darn it!

Relax..chill...well, at least there's a weeeee bit of progress in this other UK soap drama. Hrm, it seems that I catch up with other soapies but not Korean soap dramas that are all the rage, eh? I go for the more risque ones...heh heh..

Oh by the way, update about my life...something happened about two days ago that left quite a big gap in my soul. Okay, metaphorically speaking..but really, it did leave quite a gap in my savings. Now that true reality speaking. Im sad about it because if you dont already catch up with my life, money is a huge priority in my life since Im the sole breadwinner of the family. The only consolation I can derive out of this misery is the performance bonus from my former organization towards the end of the month. I seriously dont know how much but hopefully it's more than enough to cover my losses recently.

Anyway other than that, I had quite a few on the job training with my new job. Since Im not able to handle the bigger tasks, I usually handled the miscellaneous things and some of them are answering phone calls from parents, photocopying whole books, registering visitors, attending to students' affairs which included going up and down the parade square looking for a lost file (the things I do..). And oh, making public announcements which seemed fun but was quite nerve wrecking..and err, confusing also..hee. They tried to give me jobs to do or I try to seek out new things to learn or 'entertain' myself with the online guides on the future systems that I have to use once I get my passwords. They are dead boring but it's a first step to familiarising myself with the system before I get to do hands on.

My very small group of colleagues from the admin side..they're very helpful. They are really long-timers and I thought that my stint with my former company for five years is already quite long. Im still trying to get used to knowing who the teachers in the school are and have to look up two charts to see who they are and where they are located in the teachers' staff room which bring about few..err..'hold on, please'. Eh, no joke you know. There are a total of 94 teachers ah!

Well, other than that, I get to interact with my colleagues a bit more as the day goes by. Next week is the school holidays (yay! no pesky students around!..or is it? hrm..) but I will be left in the office with just one other staff around I think because the teachers are going for a retreat including the usual admin stuff. But one of them would be leaving some tasks to me so that I wont fall asleep during those three days that they wont be around. She said it would be a sure case that I would sleep coz that was what happened to her..hee.

She was also kind enough to tell me that the admin manager (my direct boss) is known for her erratic mood swing and if they make a mistake, she wont hesitate to scold no matter who is around. It's just her way of letting of steam but at the same time, she wants us to learn so that we wont make the mistake again. She said not to take it personally..just one ear ear out. That wont be a problem coz my previous boss is something like her also. Just say..sorry..sorry...and all will be fine. But the thought of it is scary.

Other than that, am so looking forward to the weekend! I dunno why...apart from the DnD held by my previous company. Oh by the way, I had to give up the chance to eat the food from Lagun Sari where the good progress dinner is held as organized by the school tommorow after working hours. Why? Coz of my brother's parent-teacher meeting tomorrow regarding his recent common tests of which they would give some written report or something. It's not compulsory but they would not release the report unless the parent attends. Sucks. And it's held about the same time as the dinner. Anyway my other colleagues are also not attending which makes me think that oh's okay not to go anyway since it would be so awkward for me.

Alright then, tomorrow I shall know the fate of my dear Dewie and see if he gets to the bottom three yet again or not.

OH! Talk about Entertainment News Update..the winner of Project Runway Season 4 had already been chosen! And he's the youngest winner ever at the age of 21. Talk about that, I missed watching an episode of the show again today..argh! I fell asleep on the couch just now and if I had not spent that time sleeping (and err..prior to that..playing facebook), I would not have missed it coz when I woke up, I had to buy some groceries.

PS: Working in the school has some perks apparently. I got free ice cream! Yesterday two..and today one. I ate one coz it's these mini poppers and the other two I gave my bro and mum coz..let's just cream dont sit well with my diet..heh.

But ice cream's still good for the soul! Just..not too much of it.

Tuesday, March 04, 2008

First Day of Work

Hrm, I actually have like almost five minutes to blog this piece, believe it or not. I self imposed myself this so that I can watch a bit of youtube..hee. That pesky brother lah..took up my computer time just now. And I was also uploading the files for my friend Mariah.

Anyhoo, as you know....monday yesterday (since im typing this out after midnight already) I started work! Woohoo! I had to go all the way to Maxwell Road for the induction which was basically an introduction to the ministry. Well, unfortunately, since I have officially started work with this ministry, I am not able to tell which one is it though you may have got the answer in the earlier posts. Not coz Im so top secret....but it's just blogging ethic. And you're wondering why it rained. That's coz rahayu not being herself tonight..haha..

Okay! It was nerve wrecking prior to coming in to the school but the nervousness somehow faded away when...

dum de dum dum...

I got my own freaking cubicle space! with own pc! with own phone! and..strangely...with own walkie talkie! with my name labelled on it!

sorry, I know you're wondered..yet again..what got into me. I mean..pfft...wats so big deal about that. Well, based on my previous two jobs and more the latest one which I just left last week, I felt like a wandering nomad with no fixed office place. And I came back to any one of the offices, I dont feel like I belonged there and people working there would give strange glances and they were not too keen with us over there either like we treated their office like some hotel or something. And prior to this, I would come back to this long conference like table with free sitting and if I found a place to sit, some idiot would go like..'hey..thats my seat!' even though she just left her bag on the table near to the seat. Oh, and her name was not on it either. Even before that long table existed, there were cubicles but even then, had to share with another colleague or even up to three colleagues. So imagine how squeezy it was.

But sadly, I might be shifted to the front desk since I had been told that my job would be mostly handling miscellaneous stuffs which also included handling the visitors as the other regular officers were already handling the heavier duties. Im okay with that lah coz I would still have my own table and morever, she said that it would probably be on a rotation basis among the other officers so that everyone would have the chance. Phewh, seriously I cant imagine myself handling all the visitors which walked in and out like the parents for instance. Im still seated near the entrance though so if the officer infront is not around or has gone somewhere, the first person they see would be me.

I had been outlined a bit on the duties that I would be assuming and unfortunately, one of them would be related to my past job which would be to co-ordinate with the school health service if they come down for a visit. Haiz...that was where I was previously from. Oh well. We can never completely erase our past.

I am so excited! I had a bit of a headache just now..partly coz I was caught in the drizzle a bit and also coz I had to read the hr policies on the computer and go through the school's website to familiarise myself with the school administration. My admin manager was like saying that this would be a good chance to look at them coz later on, there wont be time for me to look up these policies again. I shall update again coz today was mainly briefings with the higher level people on my job scope and expectations.

Once exciting!

Songs to Download

I realised I have yet to put up a sidebar to post up the links to the songs i have uploaded. I shall put it up soon aight?

So mariah! your songs as requested..

ferras - hollywood not america

ferras - aliens and rainbows

duffy - mercy

The last two files are a little bigger than normal coz I tried to save it under a different format prior to converting it to see what is the diff. If it takes up too much space, let me know but next time I'll use the format I have been using to reduce the file size.

Happy listening!

Sunday, March 02, 2008

Of all the Dramas

Before I begin with an update of my own personal's some............

you guessed it!

Entertainment News Update: Yes Dewie..(spelling changed in accordance to his real name Ronnie) not in the bottom 3, again! Yay! Been doing great this bff of mine. Well, he got his priorities right by asking the experienced panel of judges which included two former supermodels on how to improve his performance and he got it good!

But not all is well as his bff on the show, Ben, has hurt him a bit with his name calling. He actually called Dewie a girl! Well done Ben. Dewie got upset because growing up, he also had to endure such hurtful name calling but now, knowing that it came from none other than his bff on the show, somehow that pain was doubled. Maybe coz Ben was also hurt that Dewie thought that his performance last week was the weakest from the rest when asked by the judges. Tit for Tat, no?

No matter what Dewie, you did great by being in the top 3. See, I told you that Ben is nothing but a leech. And Im not saying that coz I want you all for myself even though kissing girls make you...uhm..puke..which Im so determined to change by the way! Well, maybe. But more importantly, I want you to win! Go Dewie!

Dewie goes round the mulberry bush..

On a side note, I've been watching a fairly bit of soap drama including a latest one which is from Germany. Since I dont understand German, not surprisingly, I had to watch it on mute and read the subtitles. I know it wont make a difference if I switch it on and hear them talk and read the subtitles at the same time, I'll get confused and develop a headache later on. This isnt the first time I actually watch on mute especially if it is in a foreign language.

I think why this minor attraction to watching soap dramas is because of their change in demographic where the focus group is no longer just on housewives who have nothing better to do after cooking and cleaning in the afternoon. Now with the inclusion of teenagers and young adults, with their own sub storylines, it cater more to the younger generation. And also, in this age of the internet, they dont actually have to watch it in real time. So they can go to school or work and come back and watch it online via the internet through valuable resources like youtube and other similar video sharing websites which are catching on.

But yes, a drama is a drama. And a spoiler has been revealed for one of the soap dramas that I have been watching faithfully..until recently. Well, if they can be 'drama', so can I! This guy, is going to marry this Iraqi girl, whom he just got to know only a few days, just so that she can stay in the US even he doesnt love her and loves someone else. Of course, that someone is not happy and is shocked with his decision. Like duh! And all this time, he could not utter the word 'love' because he felt that it was not in him to say it out loud but rather, through other forms like 'i care for you'...'you're the best thing that has happened to me'...blah blah blah...and then now, he said LOVE! Nice timing.

In yet another drama, from UK, a surprise had been revealed. Actually, that shocking revelation was made towards late in January but the drama had been quite a snoozefest ever since the departure of one of the lead characters who was bringing in the ratings. It took a loOOOOooong time before a potential character was introduced but his character was quite dull.

Here he is ironing his clothes..


And here he is as a stand in runway model for a charity catwalk

holler! who knew that body lies underneath that grandfather sweater..

A little update about him. He is a catholic priest with a secret body..I mean..background.

YES I KNOW, Im supposed to be updating about my own personal life. But hey, Im a tv geek and that is part of my personal life too, right? Oh, by the way, as of tomorrow, I will be working in my new job. Im nervous and excited all at once. I also have to learn to be independent and try to speak up a bit and not be so timid. I do appreciate the advice people have been giving me although at times, I feel that I do need my own space because I have the capability to think as Im already old enough to do that. A colleague told me recently that she's just advising me because she wants me to be a better person. Seriously, I do appreciate that but it does get tired at times hearing her remind me again and again about certain flaws of mine like my life only revolves around that.

I know she meant no harm but I just hate to feel the guilt if I dont do according to what she says and it felt like she is preaching me on what to do rather than merely being an adviser. Last I checked, Im not part of her entourage of children.

Hrm, besides that...I had quite a great lunch buffet back at the chalet organized by Preci for her daughter's first birthday. And a nice mango smoothie treat from Sherry's brother when me and Mariah went to meet up with them to see yet another baby girl. Uhm, far, my motherhood feelings have not been woken up. Babies are cute but once they start wailing, well..sayonara babes!

Speaking about food, I have to be more cautious about what I eat. Clear indication? Bloated stomach. Forget weighing scales. Well, since this is a brand new month, have to watch my diet carefully or I would fail to lose 1o kg like I did last year when I lost focus. I think this time round, I think I may just be able to pull through even if now I have to pay for the usage of the gym rather than the last time when I was in my previous company. I tried the abs machine for the first time last Thursday and boy did it work every muscle group in my abs! My abs fats had never worked this hard before because it was pain inducing! I realised that I er..forgot to adjust the setting and when my new gym buddy (yes I got a new one) said I try again after she adjusted it for me, Im abs worked hard enough already, thank you very much..judging from the pain. Ow.

I watched this new Health programme on tv in a malay channel and it was encouraging to find out that one of the guests actually lost a total weight of 27 kg in 10 months!! Wow..that is sheer dedication and hard work. If I can even get half of that in a slightly longer time than that, I will be so 'wow'. It's not just a matter of looking good because frankly speaking, you can be big sized and still look good. It's more about trying to be healthier and you dont want to invite illnesses by eating unhealthy food, right?

Speaking of which, I have to increase my water intake and drink less sugary drink. With food, Im quite disciplined except when I am with my friends because being on a diet with them around is no fun. But I need to do more than what I have been doing right now even though my weight is pretty much maintained and not yo-yoing like before.

Okay I have to find the location of this ministry where Im supposed to go in the morning for the induction. Actually I dont exactly know what induction means but something like an introduction to the company? Well, another focus of mine, in terms of work, is to be more friendly because at this stage, it is important to be like that as I will be learning a lot of new things and I dont want to come across as someone who is not sociable. Okay, it's a far cry from myself in real life because Im quite a shy person. But I dont want people to have the misconception that shy people are afraid to learn because they cant open their mouth.

The truth about shy people is that..we are willing to learn but we tend to be a bit quiet at first because we learn mostly through observations first and if there is a need to question to clarify, we will. We dont like to just jump the bone and ask stupid or irrelevant questions. We're actually pretty good listeners. For myself, I hate to be forced to 'come out of the shell' and expect to talk like some blabbering idiot just to prove that Im not unfriendly. We dont open our mouth immediately and it takes time for us to warm up to people but we will, eventually so I hope people appreciate that fact.

Alright now, have a good week people!

Happy Birthday to Jensen!

Here's boyfriend...Jensen Ackles...a HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!

He turns 30! Ooh..big new number...but don worrie hun, guys get sexier after 30. Just look at my other boyfriend, David Caruso.

I managed to catch a snapshot of him of waking up on my bed in the morning of his birthday..

Wakey! Wakey!!

Long Weekend, A Little Rambling & My Lack of Gratitude

The day I discover IG filters It's almost mid week to August..argh. I am in the midst of a long weekend, which sadly will come to ...