Sunday, September 30, 2007

Small Blessing

Sometimes I find that God works in mysterious ways to help us and Im really thankful for every bit of miracle He offers to us. Like last Friday, i was pretty upset that I was not able to set aside at least 30 dollars for the weekend coz usually during this time, I have to spend quite a bit on my family. I mean it's not that much too but at least something..better than nothing. So I was just practically thinking how to survive this weekend with the expenditures that are sure to come my way. Then, on Saturday, as I was gonna withdraw the money that I had set aside for the next week instead, I found some extra money and I was practically gasping like..'huh?'..It turned that I got an extra 50 dollars. I thought that I might have made a mistake or something..or or..the bank made a mistake. I know that part of it comes from this buyer who bought a pair of Mondo shoes from me...( a bit of self sacrifice on my part)..but it could not have accumulated until 50 what. The money that I received selling my shoes off was slightly more than enough to top up my ez link which is also one of my concerns coz I need transport money for work.

In other words, I had an additional 30 0ver dollars which I could not put my finger on. Transport claims had already been deposited so cant be my company deposited yet again this claim. Anyhoo, I decided to just be thankful for it and go home and do a little bit of investigation on the net. Turned out, I got 33 dollars for my transport claim which I assumed was for July one. The first one that I got earlier this month could be from June. Usually they would give the money few days after payday so it was quite a blessing they gave me this much earlier. Whatever it is, I see it as a blessing and I can worry less about expenditure for the next week. The money mostly go to my family's food expenditure and my dad's expense as he usually go out to buy food for himself.

I once read a poster in a church school that the past is in the past and whatever mistakes that we have made, let it stay in the past...the future has yet to come so we dont worry about that yet...but instead, live for the moment in the present and make it the best day that it can ever be.

Actually, the sentences in the poster are pretty short but thats to my knowledge of what I understand of the meaning behind the words. it helps to somehow calm me down a bit in moments when I get a bit flustered as to how am I gonna cope the next day. I mean I do my usual financial planning for tomorrow or the rest of the week but other than that, I just try to live for the moment.

October will be a bigger challenge for me as it is the hari raya month and I have to stretch my budget over an extra one more week as I will be getting my pay one week earlier. I dont know how am I gonna cope with that except to be extra strict with my budget. I am thankful that every now and then, my mum helps to chip in a bit with the money that I give her but I cant rely too much on her too. I have to be resourceful and tomorrow I will try my best to submit my transport claims for two months which is August and September so that in times of need, it can come in handy. Maybe I try to sell my shoes off too..one or two of them that I have never worn before. I wont be making that much lah but at least if I need transport money, it will come in handy too.

So yeah, that's the going ons of my life right now. Of course I wish I can get out of this rut but hey, sometimes life isn't easy and I have to learn to cope with it. I know Im not alone and everyone is also trying to live each day and basically surviving through it.

Friday, September 28, 2007

Featured Guy no 3

Well well...I decided to forgo the featured model part and only focus on featured guys who can basically be from a musician, actor, err..magician...cab driver..and I have one here! Okay, Im not into brad pitt lookalikes..maybe...matt damon lookalikes..but then again, I believe this is a good place to intro guys that well, you dont really see them that much. So...hey, my blog provides them with a good exposure! They should be thankful for that..heh..



And today's featured guy is.......Van Hansis!!


He was born on the Sept 25 1981..alamak..younger than me by few days...talented guy, very cool..and he's a daytime soap opera actor on As the World Turns. Okay, Im not your typical TV sort of person..except maybe CSI:Miami and Ghost Whisperer..other than that..im like..dunno dont care..but I usually survive on youtube. What to do..Singapore channels are not diversified as that in America.

Anyway, why is he the featured guy? Well, coz I think he really shines in the show, has a huge following of fans (DAmn Girls..) and is emmy nominated. Basically, people tune into the show just to watch him! Yet again..damn girls.......

In the show, he is an 18 year old guy, the offspring of the soap opera's golden couple, who initially came across as angst driven because he hated people coming in between him and his single mum but after accidentally pushing her off the staircase, he kinda grew up a bit when she went into coma. They renewed their relationship when she woke up and right now, he is just dealing with his own typical teenage issues like his current potential love interest. So he is a bit more sobre now and adjusting life in college while growing wiser and overall, he is a good friend who is honest to his friends because he doesnt want them to get hurt by leaving them in the dark about things he knows but they dont.

I dont know much about this guy in his real life...even though he's cute to boot..and I do hope that he does venture out of the tv box and into movie screen. I only know that he has a BFA in Acting from the School of Drama at Carnegie Mellon University. Wow..basically, he is a trained actor! Nothing can go wrong with that...this guy is a smart ass!

Wow..cute..smart....a weetle bit on the short side..which rahayu so likes..

So...anyone out there in sunny Singapore that looks like him? I'll put on you on my ever growing waiting list.

Thursday, September 27, 2007

Paul Potts singing Opera

While Im still nursing back to health, I cant get into full blogging as yet. So I shall leave with nuggets of entries such as this one. Britain's definitely got talent and I know Im gonna be so mean by saying this but I cant and dont know how to appreciate opera and not planning to. BUT! I believe this guy should be given credit for making opera sound so good. His soaring voice made me drop my jaw and I ahem..actually shed a tear! It's so beautifully sung and the fact that this is just an average guy on the street who was initially judged as pfft...an opera singer wannabe..proved to us and the judges that he was more than meets the eye. Gawd, if I was in the audience, I think I would cry buckets at his amazing talent.

You go Paul Potts! You deserve being the overall winner of Britain's Got Talent!!!!! Kill me for being sceptical at first..but then again, you should revive me back coz i think you're so damn good!!!!

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Sick

 
 
ANYWAY, sorry for my absence coz I havent been feeling well. LET'S JUST SAY...a) the weather is a killer b) fasting month so have to abstain from...water...and I get dehydrated easily and c) STRESSSSS!!!! and uhm..a possible and I would say most accurate cause but refusing to note it under the last point is....bubble tea. Haiz...yes, that concoction of sugary, chocolatey, icey goodness. WHy I say so? Easy...this isnt the first time.
 
I have this pending birthday post to write and I could have done so that Saturday night itself..but my sneezing got worse and i..deteriorated..in health I mean.
 
I would be back to the blogging world in a bit.
 


 
 


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Monday, September 24, 2007

Apologize Single




I thought that this is a great song..I dont really look into the lyrics but the chorus is haunting enough. Take a listen!

Friday, September 21, 2007

Nasty Girl

hey...

i admit i've been feeling a bit down in the dumps lately with all the stresses in the world but I guess I can try to cope. For now.

but Im not gonna write my depressing life story now...perhaps I'll just a dash of colour in this post to make up for the loss of interest in life...no, im not entertaining suicidal thoughts, dont worry.

i was telling mariah about my partner this time whose not exactly the youngest that I worked with but still, she's nineteen. I guess they are right when they say that she has mood swings and even though I dont quite experience the angst driven side of her, she does scare me sometimes with her dumb-as-a-bat ignorance to me trying to converse with her and then on the other side, she will suddenly laugh maniacally at a certain comment I make or she makes. I dont know why...but she kinda remind me of avril lavigne with her pint size body and her 'dont mess with me' attitude. I guess this girl should take the chill pill sometimes....I mean seriously, at her age..she shouldnt take things so..err..seriously. Of course nobody can stand stupid comments which she says she will rattle off insults without a care if that person is her supervisor or her leader. She said she doesnt care if he's gonna be the one appraising her at the end of the year...but pfft..come on, my supervisor isnt exactly a joker in the first place so yes....his jokes are lame if not dumb. I remember that tissue box incident where he accuse me of taking it. Lame lah..lame!!! I guess just laugh it off like oh..hahaha..*while rolling eyes when out of sight*...instead of slamming it back at his face like his jokes are so not the funny.

Well, she does have attitude and thankfully she doesnt quite show it in my face. I think in the malay slang, she's one of those feisty young woman whom you call a chilli padi. At the rate she's going, she can get into trouble easily if she doesnt quite think about the consequences of her words or actions. I mean....it's not wrong to say what you feel especially if you think that it's not a fair judgment against you or that you think that you're being taken advantage of. But, if we're not willing to face up to the consequences later, sometimes it's better to shut the f____ up. I know that sounds a bit harsh and you may disagree with me. Actually right, from my character study (wow..me being the psycho...logist here) I have this hunch that if she's not careful, the hissing comments she makes freely will be boomerang-ed back to her and I guess at her age, she shouldnt feels so bitter most times because seriously people dont really mean what they say coz...well.....they dont know how to joke around that the jokes simply fall flat on the floor.

A bad personal report on her working attitude may not hold well against her so my 'big sister' advice to her? Please think before you open your mouth and dont always take it negatively. If she keeps this up, people will find it hard to talk to her for fear that she'll offend them back with their innocent comment that means nothing but she take it like..pfft...'wtf?'

So yah girl....take the chill pill or at most, just get them back in a joking manner implying that their sarca remarks dont really have an impact on you or play along lah and not be so nasty all the time.

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Post Bdae Reflections

Helllooo.....
wondering why the title and a bit of intro to my previous entry with the photos did not appear. Im too lazy to work out the 'edit html' portion. Well, it was a sombre celebration of sorts...it was more like catching up with a good friend of mine who took her time off her very the busy schedule to spend time with me talking about her school, my life..our lives basically..and coping with parents who are under medical treatment. She was telling me about her crushes from her school...students on exchange programme...and knowing how jovial and friendly my friend is, it's not a surprise that somehow they developed feelings for her. The only catch is that they're too young for her lah! she's in her late twenties but these buggers are in the early twenties. However, they take it as though she's denying them coz she cant move out of her indian tradition or that she's too closeted or narrow minded. But she told me the actual truth was that they were too young for her! Haha...

I told her about my frustations with life in general and how these responsibilities were taking a great toll on me. I just tell her that I try to take things one step at a time and not try to think too hard about things but it's just that I cant help but think about them. I cant turn to anyone about these frustations of mine and certainly not my family so it's basically me bearing all the sorrow myself.

But I guess I just take comfort over the fact that nobody is without problems. It's a really painful process going through each brand new day and then seeing hour by hour pass by slowly but surely. It's like Im torn between being glad to wake up to a fresh lovely morning (dried up saliva and all..) and then scared at the same time thinking that it's yet another challenging day ahead just trying to survive.

I may have mismanaged my life very poorly these past few months and maybe whatever I am going through right now is the after effects and there is nothing I can do about it but just hope for the best. I wouldnt say that Im totally despaired even though I may be inching towards it but I have to learn to survive..no matter what it takes even if i have to forgo some happiness every now or cut some corners.

Oh well, at least i managed to put on a bright sunny smile just being in the company of a friend who makes you forget your personal problems for awhile and be immersed in the beauty of boat quay...a breath taking view at night. That includes the cute groups of ang moh or caucasian guys passing by who dropped by the pubs there for a late night supper after work. Now THEY...totally took my breath away as well..heh....yes, in times of despair, I still have my guy radar on and working at full batt. Im still a hot blooded woman no matter what!

HRm, I totally didnt quite plan wat to wear that night so what I saw first, I put on and unfortunately, it was this bright orange lycra top. Lycra tops are a bit err..'hard' to wear coz seriously, when they show bumps, they show bumps. However, they can be figure hugging as well which gives a nice touch to a womanly figure. Since I was running late...like always....die hard habit at any given age.....I was like..ah heck...and just teamed it up with a pair of cropped jeans which is hugging as well...so imagine, my horrid, with that combi walking through boat quay shophouse coz I gundu cannot tell the difference boat quay and clarke quay and ended up at the wrong place.

Thank goodness it was not quite an 'accident' and it was quite a good combi. But seeing through the pictures, something disturbing about them, my arms looked skinny!!! It's just a week of fasting what..

Okay, maybe it's just the photos and no...in real life they dont look like that and I dont even look like that in those photos. I look more dead in real life.

Oh well........so if god prolongs my life span next year and I have repented..like a gazillion times already.....I shall make it a little bit more cheery than this year..heh. But dont get me wrong...I still appreciate my birthday no matter what, whether I get a gift or not...whether I get to eat a chocolate cake or not...which surprisingly i dont for the last two years...tsk..coz it's a brand new year. It's like your own personal new year celebration minus all the countdowns and the played-to-death auld lang syne song. Seriously, until now I cant figure out the meaning behind that song. It doesnt quite sound like a welcoming sort of song..heh.

Here's a toast to another day tomorrow...whether I like it or not.

Birthdae Photos

Birthdae photos...yes I know I dominate the pics...but hey, at least i included sceneries of boat quay! and the occasional odd couples sitting by the staircases by the river..waiting to be pushed.










Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Reflections on Birthday


Happy Birthday to Rahayupopz!!!

This year's birthday is a bit sombre coz I felt like I kinda lost control or grip of my life and it has been a struggle trying to live each single day. There was happiness but unfortunately, it was short lived and Im back struggling to keep my head above the waters.

But I take this opportunity to straighten my life out a bit and pick out broken pieces along the way. So far, I'm handling things quite well with the usual self sacrifices along the way but still...I try to think positively like how i stand to benefit from it rather than think the other way round instead. I hope God will stand by me in whatever decisions I made and help me to lighten my burden a bit too.

Life is not easy and I totally understand that so I just try to put my mind in a relaxed mode and not to think too hard about why this or that has to happen to me. So far, at times I manage to zonk out a bit and be immersed in a world totally different from mine and even though it's just a made belief world, well...I cant help but think sometimes like what if this is a reflection of real life? It's like one moment you're so in love with this person, plan your future with this person in mind and then the next moment, he vanishes from your life just because you both cannot come to terms over something that is considered trivial. Either that or one of you cannot accept things as they are and would rather be masked behind something else which is not a true reflection of himself or herself for fear of wat people may think.

So the next question is.....do we always have to pay attention to what people have to say or think? Are we mere puppets to them? Who are they to define what is right or wrong?

I guess at some point of time, people will always struggle along the way but somehow, we can emerge victorious and be the envy of those naysayers. I can do it..Im a fighter.........

Even though there is no birthday cake this year and Im not planning to buy it either although the chocolate cake at prima deli where I usually buy the waffles look tempting, it will have to be a no go this time. Im a bit sad but I just think the money spent on the cake is better spent on the family instead and to me, that is more important.

To me this year, there is nothing that I would think would be a perfect gift to me whether cheap or otherwise...although a mango blouse would be good..but im just saying! Im happy to get whatever people give to me..IF..they do lah. So far birthday wishes are suffice and Im thankful for whatever wishes I have been getting. Hrm, including one mysterious birthday wish right at the stroke of midnight which I have NO IDEA who the heck is it. I tried to check the number on my brother's handphone which was previously mine in case the number was stored in the phone memory. I thought that it was an old friend of mine and I asked another friend who knows her too and she said no, that number is not familiar to me.

Back to my old phone, there is no such number. That means this person is not from my previous contacts. I know what you're thinking.....secret admirer..pfft.....but I dont think so lah, I dont know any guys that are worthy..bwahahah!! I just said thanks even though it was a forwarded message of a bear blowing out the candles. Im only amazed at the accuracy that even my own good friend was beaten to it...coz..er...she had to go toilet last minute..what the...so the tradition kinda got cut off there..haha.

Enough about that....anyway, I thank you all for your kind birthday wishes. Even I would not wish so early right after midnight or even in advance...uhm...except one.....coz I got her birthday date wrong..hee.

Alright now! Time for my own tradition..to wish upon a star. I know it's just a myth but dunno lah, somehow it is something that I do every year although I dont keep track if it comes true or not la.

Well gal.....

Happy birthday...

Monday, September 17, 2007

New Segment

Hehe...so exciting! Im having a new segment...(ok i promise I will do up that tech tuesdays thing!..I just dont know what to write about yet). I am going to have *drumrolls please*....


Male Hottie of the week AND Male celeb of the week!!

Male hottie is just a random pic that I look up on the net and Male celeb..well..duh...celebrity lah!

I know you may not agree with my opinions or label me as a paedophile if the guy is younger than me..heh. But it's just a fun thing. I will be choosing the Male celeb and giving you the snippet. I think I have done this thing before a few times where I feature male celebs, famous or otherwise, but doest really make it an official thing. So...here we go! Oh, btw, I will also put up the names at the sidebar soon so you can click on it and view...(but seriously, see but no touching..like you can!)





Male Hottie of the Week

Jon Fleming





Short Intro:

This is Jon Fleming, 29 years old, a male model who now ventures into acting but unfortunately in a crappy soap opera. But if he's part of the entourage of half naked male actors, who cares!

Why he's chosen:

Well.....he's got this quiet demeanour and serious dark looks with eyes that can stare right through your soul. Compared to some of the cast member, his acting is not so bad and almost convincing as a jealous friend who is used to have things go his way where money doesnt necessarily buy everything especially friendship. He started to fall apart and became high on drugs when he discovered a spring where this greenish mosh grew and got addicted to it. But....things may just start to look up for him and he may soon attain the happiness that he longs for all these years. No thankfully dope is not part of it this time.

In real life, he doesnt talk much...ooh rahayu likeesssss.......preferring to let his co stars do all the talking but gives this slight smile like so modelistic..oooOooo..

Okay! So thats my male model of the week!

Male Celeb of the Week

Isaac Slade









Uhm, yes I know he doesnt come close to wentworth miller in the looks and bod departments. I wanted to feature Luke McFarlane, the rumoured boyfriend of wentworth miller but I think it's okay, let him take the spotlight for now first.

Short Intro and why he's chosen:

Who the heck is he...you wentworth miller worshippers you?! It's Isaac Slade..singer from The Fray..I like his angelic voice! Really really nice and just last Friday, I watched Ghost Whisperer and his band's song Look After You was featured in it before the closing credits. My favourite song of the year!!!!!!!! And it's not even end of the year yet!!

You should see him sing without his piano. He would just be standing there over at the microphone, standing almost still and looking like uhm...he's staring at the wall or something. It was like as if you just took his favourite teddy bear away and he was standing there in mock protest but sing for the sake of singing. But give him a piano, and he'll work his magic!! Still, live or otherwise, he rocks and he certainly doesnt lip synch. Infact he sounds way better if he sings live than on a recorded track.

You go boy! or boys!

Sunday, September 16, 2007

Fasting Time

hello..



hrm, i didnt talk about the fasting month and so I should say it now..well....it has been an okay ride..nothing of the sort that make me drool at the sight of food. i guess my critical nature for food (a.k.a. picky) kinda makes me not so 'high' over the delicious array of food on display. I have this personal goal which is to try to lose some weight before my birthday or at least on my birthday, I must weigh less than the previous birthday. HOWEVER, it has been a very bumpy ride...no pun intended...I gained weight, I lost weight, I gained weight..you get the drift.



But it's okay. Rahayu wont be so beaten up knowing that usually, by the end of the year, or coming to the beginning of the new year, things will pick up slowly....very....slowlyyyyyyyy...Anyway, I try to tell myself that weight is just a number but what is important is that I maintain a healthy lifestyle. I've always seen the fasting month as a good opportunity to start from ground zero if all these time, we are very submissive to the temptations of the world..and in this case, glorious food. Anyway, that still doesnt explain why I put on a tremendous amount of weight during the fasting month and the month after last year. The only conclusion I can make out of it is that well, I was stuck at the refraction clinic which meant sitting down from 8am to 4.30pm. Then, I kinda..er..went a weetle bit over board with the food during berbuka or breaking fast. AND! I didnt exercise for that whole one month.



I dont know how Im going to fair but good thing is that I've already tried to lose some weight prior to the fasting month so my body is in a so called good position to burn fats while I fast. It's called pre body conditioning..I suppose. But time can only tell if not going for exercise for a whole month is going to have any after effects. Okaylah, I think I just try to squeeze in some light exercises at the gym and cut down the durtation and number of days. I shall stand firm with my belief that doesnt mean we're fasting, the world stops revolving. Life goes on...but only at a slower pace.



Happy fasting! And remember, take it easy during the break fasting time. I know you're hungry and all but thats no excuse! Moderation is always key..

Friday, September 14, 2007

Hurts So Bad

It hurts...it hurts so bad to love someone so much that you're willing to forgive him many times, hiding the truth from others, to be mentally challenged seeing him happy with another person but his heart is actually with you and to believe in every..single..word he says...until one day, he breaks your heart and you're left with an empty void in your life.





When we're seeing a relationship from an outsiders point of view, we may not take it too kindly towards someone who has a heart for another person already in a relationship. But let's just put ourselves in this so called third parties' shoes. They may try to avoid the situation coz it is very tricky and very complicated that a big pile of mess is highly likely to form if the situation goes wrong. Most often, the ending is not that good and everyone whether first, second or third party will be left a wreck. Feelings of guilt, lost love, broken trust....the emotions are raw and painful. So painful that even big boys can cry. Girls you dont have to say...we're emotionally charged but for a guy to cry, it takes a heck lot of pain and feelings of rejection to put aside their manhood and let emotions take the better of them. No words of comfort can overcome a broken heart and one does not need to be told that it will be okay or it will be over. One just needs to have a shoulder to cry on. How long it takes to mend that broken heart, only time can tell but still, fragments of the broken pieces will be left behind and it will never heal.





However, we can most certainly learn from it. We learn that hiding our admiration for someone may not be such a good idea if we wait too long, his heart may belong to someone else instead. We also learn that keeping one away from the truth for too long especially if he has his complete trust in us, is not such a good thing especially if the truth creeps out in the most unpleasant manner. But most importantly, we turn them into life lessons and by then, we will already know if we're in the same level playing field or we're putting ourselves in danger where it will be high time to make a quick exit before things start to get ugly.





But.....





what if the idea of loving someone and then meeting someone else while in the process of being 'in love' who may very well be our soul mate, how do we try to handle this delicately? Are we able to get rid of the black sheep standing in the way of two beating hearts or are we the black sheep itself..or worse....a wolf preying on its victim?


thank goodness I dont have such drama in my life now..haha..okay sorry..supposed to act sad.

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

Gay Hunks

I dont believe this....

they actually renewed the season for Dante's Cove and in October there will be season 3?!!! My gawd...total hunks without shirts..since the setting is at this beach house and the location for the third season was at Miami. Apparently they decided to renew it for the third season coz of the huge fan following. You sick people you...you all are just interested in seeing them humping each other! I dont know how you all can tolerate those scenes while I'd rather indulge myself in guys that dont see the point of wearing shirts.


Actually the storyline is shitty with its gothic supernatural theme that seems out of place and with acting that spells 'you need acting lessons!'..and uhm..with guys pumping their muscles (hhhaaa..izz....weakness....). And goodness, their well oiled bodies glistening under the sun....showing off every tone..every crevices...that im beginning to think I might be one of those people who prompted the third season...haiyoh.....and I called them sick.


Why cant we just have a decent drama with hunks in it and not some middle aged housewives who look like they have gone under the knife for the umpteenth times. WHY?!!!!


Not fair. And please lah, wentworth miller seems to be the only hunk parading on tv here and is already the craze of millions of women so Im not gonna put my finger on him coz Im so not gonna find a place! Give me glorious hunks, who for once, are not gays!


Is that too much to ask?! And who gives a shit about quality tv nowadays? It's the drama man..the drama!

First Day w Dreaded Partner

Soooooooo......................


today I worked with the so called dreaded partner and...I actually knew about her 'meeting' with the supervisor and the leader about her behaviour or what they term it as attitude problem. Well, somehow she didnt display that attitude just now..and yet...she kinda bared her soul regarding the issue which I didnt bring up but she said it herself. At one point, she understood that we have more working experience than her in this field so we should know better but on the other hand, she felt that they're not perfect themselves. I dont know man, I know I was saying about how I dreaded working with her but I've always had this mentality that right now, Im only hearing half the story and after hearing her side of story, I guess I can only conclude that well...I guess they're a bit too hard on her.


BUT! That doesnt mean Im turning into a softie and taking her side. I still feel that well....we all tend to err and being a teenager, she can take things too seriously or too easy and she can misunderstand people's intentions or people find her hard to understand. In the morning, I could tell that she was trying to put on her best behaviour like she was so scared to offend me in case I would be one of those complaining officers. But later on during lunch, I just told her to just take things easy and not take whatever they have said to heart coz they meant no harm but just wanted to feedback. Then with my team, she can relax a bit and not be so stressful because Im not really so nit picky as long as she does her work well. Im not saying this to comfort her or give her the green light to do whatever shit she wants to do but it's just the way I work. I just cant be bothered with every single detail just as long as I churn out work that does not require me to go see the 'headmaster'..haha...


So she kinda opened up a bit and we had chit chat sessions about work, her boyfriend, my boyfriend..or the lack of it, and I told her that it's just work life...people tend to backstab one another, say nasty things, compromise our trust and so forth. I went through quite a lot too but I dont take them so seriously but just do our best and not get into trouble.


Yup, thats my experience with her but it's just the first day. I will stick to my gameplan of handling team related things rather than just making sure she doesnt get up to any 'mischief' or what. Seriously, I got better things to do....

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

Dieting May Kill

hello...

okay I admit i went a bit bonkers last week that almost let to my meltdown but I kinda stuck to my mantra of trying to live each single day..simply trying to survive and just accepting things as they are and trying to make the best of it. I also try to think that sometimes out of certain shortcomings, I can stand to benefit something from it or learn one thing or two. It helps in a way as I try to focus on other things rather than just focusing on my problems. Life isnt easy and if it is, I would have been married to Luke..or at least no one will proclaim Luke to be gay in the internet just coz he hangs out with T R Knight. Grow up lah people. But I still will have no probs if he is....as long as he retains that cute factor. And Oh! Wentworth too old for you lah..


so yah..tomorrow is D DAY I will be working with that dreaded partner. But thanks to the intervention of my colleagues who had worked with her, they decided to bring up her habits to our leader and today, they had a word with her..my leader and our supervisor..yes..the one who supposedly had a crush on me. But no..I dont think so lah.....seriously. I dont know if tomorrow she will change her habits or what but whatever it is, I dont want to get stressed out by her..I just do what Im supposed to do and I dont care if she feels like she can take advantage or take the easy way out..just dont get in the way of my work and thats fine by me. Thing like so called trying to maintain professionalism..can put one side lah..coz to my knowledge, you can give top notch service but if they dont like you, it means they dont like you. I know I sound as if Im so defeated and so wrong, but Im going through so much lately. I dont want any additional burden.


Okay, on to finer things in life..pfft..yeah right. On to OTHER people's lives, last week I was in office most of the time and killing my eyeballs with so much of data entry that I was this close to swearing off computers. So anyway, it seems that a few of my colleagues are trying their hands at dieting and I must say, at least one of them is showing progress.


Im all for a healthier way of dieting so if I hear about people skipping their lunches or not eating at all and using their lunch hour for vigorous exercising, or they exercise too vigorously until you can hardly see a strain of fats on them, I pity these people. Then there are like one or two of my colleagues who skip out main meals and choose to have light snacks which are like these fried snacks or basically snacks that are high in sugar or fats such as chicken pie or fried banana fritters. And then they scoff down their food while looking at our main meals with the sarcastic look like, oh you're putting on weight while im losing weight.


Well, excuse me?! Whatever supplement you're taking that you bought off the net is short term and what kind of diet is that which doesnt allow you to eat anything but only drink warm water?! Wtf..


And then got the decency to make the way into the gym and telling me that you're losing weight and you feel lighter all around as if implying that you dont need to go through the trouble that Im taking. *yawns......*


Look, I dont care how they want to diet or if they think their miracle diet is helping them lose weight and give them the authority to wear tighter clothes (but still look rather ghastly to me..look..im sorry but it's the truth) just so that people will sit up and take notice. Fine by me if they feel more confident but seriously, they're just endangering themselves by not eating or eating supposedly light snacks and then complain they feel like they're putting on weight.

People, get this right in your head. Please.......eat. Skipping food out of your diet spells disaster not for now but in the future when it comes to your health. It's all about eating the right proportions and choosing the right food.


Okaylah, if you really want to try losing weight, aim for a 0.5kg to 1kg weight loss per week. It's really simple. Morning, you can have maybe two pieces of digestive biscuits or wholemeal bread with one side spread of peanut butter. Then you can drink milk or milk tea with less sugar. Afternoon, if you're eating noodles, choose bee hoon or handmade noodle with a soupy base. Try not to buy those sugary drinks coz they contain empty calories. Then, avoid snacking and if you are hungry, drink a pack of low fat milk or reduced sugar soya bean milk or eat a piece of digestive biscuit to help you tide over the hunger pangs till dinner time. And if you're having dinner but had a heavy lunch, opt for a lighter dinner instead. Reduce your rice proportion and increase your veggie intake. Dont forget fruits as added fibre.


If you can cut out rice, then replace it with two pieces of wholemeal bread with peanut butter spread for some added fats or proteins. Yes, you still need fats but not too much. You can have milo or milk (sorry im a milk fan) and try your mighty best to keep your mind occupied with other things besides food. Exercising is still a must lah and if you cant afford heavy duty exercises, walking is still the best option but try to walk as much as you can during work and after work to burn any calories especially after lunch so that you wont retain so much calories inside your body because once it retains these calories, it will convert to fats. Over the weekends, you can try to walk longer distances from one place to another and try to increase the mileage once you feel comfortable enough at a certain distance.


Then try to keep refined carbo like white rice at a minimum per week like maybe just two to three times per week. And no, let me emphasize, chicken pie, roti prata or carrot cake does not constitute a good replacement of white rice. Im sure you can do better like maybe handmade noodle or bee hoon soup.


But please dont suffer for the sake of dieting just so that you can lose a dress size or two. It's not easy like even I get lapses some times like a bloated tummy which makes it harder for me to dress up coz the skirt and top will feel tighter and it will remain so like until a month. It happens if I get my eating habits spiral out of control a bit coz I have a weakness for food and I especially love to snack. Sometimes, the evil takes over me and I have to suffer temporarily from my moment of gluttony.


So no worries, we're all humans and we need to be spanked a bit to get back on track. It's just a matter of who spank who and Im talking rubbish now.


Anyway, please eat k?

Sunday, September 09, 2007

Sims 2 House Builiding Exterior for the Larsons


Would you believe my brother made this movie all on his own using the Sims 2 inbuilt video software and the Windows Movie Maker. So far I touched an eety bit of it but he went full force with it and this is not his first effort.
Not bad for an amateur eh? I only helped to add in the song and muted the actual song (based on his suggestion) and I developed a headache just trying to figure out the action snapshots and what have they..

Aww...my brother the next I.T. media expert! woohoo!

Thursday, September 06, 2007

Crushed?

I almost forgot about my tech tuesday...but I have yet to write an article yet coz I didnt get the digital life yesterday so I most prob hav to dig a past issue so it will take awhile. Then geek talk will resume as per normal..haha..much to Mariah's dismay of course.


Anyway, I was telling her about my silly dream about my supervisor and it was so shocking that I actually remembered that bit of my dream. Now I hardly remember about my dreams coz it's like wake up...and...eh, what the heck did I dream about ah?!!! So I told her that I dreamt my supervisor actually asked me before walking out of the office as I was talking to another colleague that if I ever need company to go out or anywhere, let him know so he can accompany me. I was like dumbstrucked...shy at the same time...and just managed a 'err......o...okay....'. Weird.


I dont know lah but recently, every day he sure to say my name and ask me to do a favour for him or simply say something. I know what is so freaking unusual about that since..hello...he IS my supervisor. But let's just say he's a bit the different from other supervisors who would rather boss you around while they surfed net. He is very hardworking and every since the departure of another supervisor who was like our public enemy no 1, he is working doubly hard. But among us, he is known to be fiercely shy and guarded and he is so shy that if he sees us, he would look down even if we mutter a good morning to him. Then during meetings when he sits in, he will let his two leaders do the talking and if someone post him a question, he will signal his leader to help answer for him. I mean, he's okaylah as a supervisor but seriously, he is pretty poor when it comes to interaction. But he can be pretty sarcastic at times....but dont all of them do that.


So nowadays, I have been going back to office almost every day..heck..Im tempted to say every single freaking day I come back.....okay anyway, digressing here..so he has been saying something or making me do his stuffs every day. NOw this is unusual being someone who would rather sit down at his computer or walk out of the office and do other miscellaneous stuffs than talk to us. But that b******d now..not bad ah...can start to poke fun already. The other time, he was just sitting down at his table as per normal and the three of us were standing around there after signing off our attendance, and then I was having runny nose so I just helped myself to the tissue box on his computer's CPU..heh..I thought he would not say anything..anyway I didnt care..haha...coz without his presence..it was not the first time. Then he was like...'rahayu..u owe me ten cents for that'...I was just like..'oh really ah...then I owe u a lot of ten cents then..hehe'.


Then the next week, his tissue box went missing..bwahahah!! He said eh you did take my tissue box coz the other time I saw you taking the tissue. I said yah it was me...you finished it up so I threw it for you...then I gave an evil laugh and my partner asked, eh you really did that? I said no lah...anyway how dare he accuse me of taking the tissue box just coz I took one miserable piece of tissue infront of him. Few days later, he was still not over the tissue box! As I was typing something at the common pc, he came to me and asked me 'eh rahayu...(his typical greeting for me) i thought the sharpener used to be here where is it now ah?' So I said hrm..maybe it's somewhere else then as I looked at another table, I just showed him it moved there then as he was standing there, he merely inserted his pencil inside and started poking poking only then he said how to use this sharpener? It's a bit different..eh rahayu, how to sharp?' I looked at the pencil and I was like..'hello? do you even know how to sharp a pencil?' SO I said...tsk...come lah I sharp for you...so I took the pencil and sharp it in mere seconds.


I dont know if he 'sengaja' or purposely did that or what but whatever lah. After that, he was STILL not over the tissue box. He said 'eh rahayu, so how my tissue box? It's missing...I still remember about my tissue box'. I retorted back...'eh I only take one piece of tissue and you think I kidnap your tissue box is it?!!' Then he said back 'must be you ah...coz your fingerprints were all over it..' then Im like couldnt be bothered so I said 'oh....cannot be what..I already dust off my fingerprints with your tissue paper'...and he laughed and I walked away. After that he didnt talk about the tissue box..if not..never ending issue lah.


Then another time he asked me to go down with him to the store room to collect some stuffs and to bring the trolley around. Normally he would ask another one to follow as well but that time he asked only me and I didnt want to go down alone with him coz it would be awkward coz I didnt know what to talk to him about. So I brought my partner along with the excuse I wanted to show her the store room. Then as we came out, he asked me 'so rahayu..you ask for helper ah?' I said yah..in case I get lost...and he was puzzled and asked back 'huh? how can you get lost?' I just laughed and ignored his question. Anyway my partner knew that I just wanted her to accompany her only. Sometimes it's hard to bluff people especially if they have worked with me before and I could not lie anymore coz they somehow knew my actual thoughts..*damn*...


There were other incidents lah but Im too lazy to type them out. Only today I could escape coz he was busy auditing the enrolled nurses so he was not around in the office and only came back once to get something and go down again. Now my other colleagues from the same cluster kinda noticed a 'pattern' that whenever there were meetings, he would sit opposite me and the last WITs meeting, even though it was clear someone was sitting down there coz of the files strewn on the table infront of the chair (my WITs leader was sitting there but she got up to write something). It puzzled the people there..including me too... that he quickly zoomed right down there knowing that he would always take the corner seats and another of my colleagues who had been noticing these little quirks of him surrounding me..looked at me and she was grinning. I gave the expression of 'what?!'....but I knew what she was thinking coz I was sitting opposite that chair..pffttt...


Whatever lah....I just thought he was comfortable talking to me compared to the rest coz maybe Im often friendly and joking around with my other colleagues or that I didnt see him any different though I do think he's a weirdo for he hardly look at people to talk. Then if he asked me to do a task for him, I didnt retort back saying 'huh?!' or 'im busy'...I was just like..'ooo..kay..lah...' though very the reluctantly. They want to talk they can talk all they want...or grumbled if he chose to convey any matters to me personally while the rest of them, he would ask his leaders to convey instead..heh...or take for me my laptop after the IT guy configured something with it while the rest had to 'self service'..hehe. Well, I didnt notice that but it was funny the way the 'complained' saying we waited you know for him to take for us too..but nooOOOoo...he took for you only! We had to take ourselves!! Like I said to them, 'not my fault what..I didnt ask him to do that!'


Anyway I still think that dream was so weird.....maybe coz I had been questioning myself like eh..why nowadays he extra friendly to me and every day he would ask someone to call me to go over his table because he wants to convey something to me or he would just remark something as I came in to sign or go to either leader's tables. Mariah said maybe he has a little crush on me...yeah..pfft..crush...so I anticipate more tasks at hand since he would only ask me. Like come on, Im not the only member of his freaking cluster.


Whatever lah.....crush or not, his father rich or not..he has car..and no 'not' there coz he really got a car which is quite an achievement being someone who is not even thirty yet...I dont see him as more than a colleague or supervisor. I could not get along well with him like my ex supervisor Dicky coz that one...can joke around with him and he would always give this typical rolling eyes motion..hahaha..I saw him at an ex colleague's wedding and that man seemed happier than before. He messaged me if I was coming to the wedding even though he messaged another of my colleague who is also my leader if I was coming. I was sitting beside her so I knew about the message and that she messaged back yah I am with her. So when it came to my turn to message..I said...'yes I am coming lah..so can you just sit down there and keep quiet at one corner and wait..' And he's still a klutz as ever and he chose a construction site as a background when we asked him to take a picture of us..what the?!! Plus he claimed he was a good photographer but the photo sucked...haha..


Yesterday he messaged a colleague of mine through friendster asking her how he knew me...and she asked me 'who is this guy? He claims to know you...' So I said lah he was my ex supervisor and I started to rattle to her..'oh..btw...he's single and available..31...has a bike...lives in a condo in simei....he has a rich family..' much to her 'agony'...hahaha..


Okay lah..Im generally shy with guys but somehow, after a long while once I start working closely together after a long period of time, I start treating them like any of my colleagues that somehow their so called atas status didnt quite bother me except of course when they assigned me tasks to do. Other than that, they're pretty easy to poke fun at..hahaha..but no, it doesnt include flirting coz they're not worth it lah..haha..If I were to flirt, I would choose the guys working at the research department or the adult health promotion..like..oh..my gawd....brains AND brawn!! More of brawn!!!


I cant help it lah..hahahaha......

Tuesday, September 04, 2007

greatest hits 3

damn hilarious!! A clip from 'Whose line is it anyway?' where Ryan and Colin are two pretend hosts of the show called Greatest Hits and they were promoting a CD on college life. And Ryan could not stop laughing when COlin said Tapioca instead of Tropicana where they played cuban music. And he sang 'TAPIOOOOOCA!!!' much to Ryan's amusement and it was classic to see him control his laughter being a serious improvisation comedy actor most times. But he quickly regained his composure while Collin maintained that 'did I say a joke?' look..

Childish

heylo..

actually I have a piece of bad news that is work related but Im not gonna talk about it coz I dont think it is a good time. Plus it's hanging in mid air so...right now, I will just let it be. Anyway, Im such an ass nowadays but Im trying to take it one day at a time. I get bogged down by problems easily and it's not helping too that my partner this month...sucks big time. I didnt hear good stuffs about her. I dont really speak to her at work either coz she's like one of those people who think she's so 'young' and 'cute' and therefore...act like that...but of course, to the rest of us, it spells immature or childish. Im not against those who are younger than me who just joined us as nurses coz for I worked with two of them...the latest one being just 19..well..today (happy birthday ziyuan!) and they are efficient and have own initiative. But I guess you cant be getting the good ones all the time, right?


people have been telling me to try to discipline her not just for her sake but to protect the so called professionalism of our team. It seems that she gives no damn to the teachers and staff around her such as putting her legs up the chair or singing along to her mp3 player during screening time and then messing up the floor with the assessments to be given out later instead of using the two tables given. You know what..I've been under a lot of stress lately I dont think I want to act like some sort of disciplinarian or something especially if she's the kind, where the more you tell her off, the more she will do it. I can only take so much...I dont want to die young.


But I will still try to maintain the integrity of the team and if ever I have to correct her habit, and she does it again, to spite me or whatever, Im not gonna protect her ass if ever the school complains about her habits. I've always tried to help my team members where I can and cover up where I can too but if I am questioned as to whether she does all that, I will say..yes..she does. Did I tell her? And I will say yes I did...even if that would only mean a one off warning because even if she is childish in her behaviour, I will still treat her like an adult and dont expect me to go on a nagging spree. Like I said, Im here to work...not babysit her. But Im only particular when it comes to stuffs like keeping it to schedule and finishing up screening on time in school with no errors or mistakes and if any of those things are being compromised by her, I will have to be tough because I cannot afford to answer for any of those mistakes. It's just that when it comes to her discipline, I have my own limits.


I just feel that she will only get it in her head if she's being reprimanded for her actions so just let it be. I think she has been told off on many occasions so seriously, I dont think I want to add up to it. Tsk...haiz.....anyway, she messaged she will be on mc (Thank U GOD!) and she was like 'haha..sorry..first day Im mc...' and I didnt reply. Normally I would be like..get well soon! take care! I just dont bother lah for this one.


So technically, I will only start working with her next week coz Wednesday i will be working with another of my colleague which Im okay with and then she will be on course and I will be back in office doing..er..more data entry shit. So technically, I will be working for three weeks with her only and like what my recently ex partner said, it's only one month. Im so doing the countdown.....

Monday, September 03, 2007

Rescue Me - Checking the Goods

So damn funnie! It's a serious show about a bunch of firefighters post September 11 but man..these two, are like the clowns or the dumb and dumber part of the crew whether alone or together.They are not gays but the rest of the crew liked to joke that Mike (the one with the towels) is the 'gayest' among them..so it would not be a surprise if he was gay, which he protested he was not. But I sure love this clip! He gave this pitiful look like...'help me..'..hahaha!

Rescue Me - Gay

haha..this is so hilarious! one of them had to take booze from the gay party and the other guy could not accept that he did not look 'gay' enough..which he assumed something was wrong with his hair or his body. And he was so happy he got the body of a gay man when his friend picked him out..as in strong and muscular! what the hell!! But in the end, his superintendents still thought that the other guy would be a 'magnet' to these gay guys and get the booze..which he reluctantly followed the order later. By the way, this is a show about a team of firefighters.

Sunday, September 02, 2007

Helpless

you know what im feeling right now...absolutely krummy. In other words, helpless...useless...depressed...anything negative that you can think about, yup that pretty much sums me up. I feel like Im losing my head soon and I hate this sinking feeling but it's really hard to stay afloat. No one understands the emotional turmoil Im going through right now. I just find it hard to grasp that I dont even know what tomorrow holds for me or if I can ever go through each day as it passes by. There is this completely dark void in my life right now and Im missing something.....happiness maybe? You know they say...happiness is short lived. I think they have a point. It's like God let you enjoy life...just for that moment....and that wham! he takes it away just like that and there you are in the pitiful hole once again.


If God says that Im not trying my best..He is so wrong. But everytime I try to make it better or at least try to make the happiness last a bit longer even if I have to sacrifice every now and then, I feel like Im always back to square one.


Sometimes, I just dont know what to do...I feel completely helpless. I know at times I pulled a couple of stunts in the past and managed to get out of this stinkin' mess but it was not easy. I could not tell anyone what I am going through right now coz words cant explain how Im feeling. So I have no other choice but to keep it within me but for how long? Will I ever survive the ordeal? Will I ever get out of this mess and if so, when?


Maybe the situations around me are too much for me to bear. Maybe Im growing up too fast. Maybe I did try not hard enough but inside of me, I thought I did.


With such intense pressure, sometimes I just hope people will just let me be. I wont run astray or create havoc but I will probably just stay still and quietly wish my emotional problems will go away. But this is life, and I were to continue living, I cant stay stagnant all the way. I have to keep on moving...even if every step is painful...even if each day, I have to go through the agony all over again just like the day before.


This is so hard..............

Saturday, September 01, 2007

No Chance

Being a fan of youtube, I think I log onto youtube more than anything else on the net..okay..maybe my friend mariah's blog. Gee I wish I can tell you the address but I've been sworn to secrecy..haha..


Anyway, you know how i Like to watch short videoclips or fan vids on you tube and even though they may not be the real deal..like stuffs that actually happen in real life, but sometimes I wonder IF they ever happen. Just now I saw this fanvid about this 1997 drama called Oz which is a maximum security prison and life behind bars between the inmates. Okay I know what you're thinking. It's prison...anything can happen and yes...trust me when I say ANYTHING..can happen..even rape.


But what I watched just now..was extraodinary. It was about friendship between two inmates that had to stay together in a cell. NOw their characteristics were very different. I did not know the background of the first inmate but the second inmate who later joined the cell..I know a bit of his background. He was a lawyer who had to serve jail time due to a drink driving incident that got a girl killed. The current inmate..let's call him A..he was this very temperamental guy.in other words, pretty psychotic while the B was more of the subdued kind who succumbed to alcohold and drugs probably coz life as a lawyer was tough or something.


Okay these two, of course HAD to talk to each other being in the same cell. But they were not often on the same wavelengths. However, over time they started to get to know each other well enough and understood each other's plight and the psychotic one...well...only B somehow managed to penetrate that tough exterior of his even though in his line of work, he learnt not to trust anyone. SO they bonded over wrestling match, chess game, eating time and in between squabbled as well which could result in bad brawls where one of them even had one of the arm and leg broken.


But life outside of prison was not kind to them as well and A (the psychotic one) found out that his wife whom he divorced..and by the way, it was his third divorce....was going to remarry. He felt bummed out coz he felt that in all his relationships, he never felt enough love like as if every marriage he ever was like a big mistake. He joked that maybe it was the sex coz he was somehow was still a traditional sort of person..you know..sex after marriage..haha..But B did not question him and thought that he was not a loser for having a failed love life. Instead offered him his friendship to make his life better even in prison.


However, it was not meant to be because B was served parol which meant that he was free to go. Of course it was a very heartbreaking moment and A was like saying that the rest of his prison life would be miserable without his companionship and when he was pushed by the guard to let A go when he hugged him, A threw a huge tantrum. But B was helpless as A was led away. Later B came back and promised to A that he would do his best to let A escape the death sentence. But as much as A appreciated it, he said that no matter what, even if he died, he wanted B to know that they would be friends forever, even in heaven and God could not separate them. Awww........imagine a guy who who was hard to be near with and would even beat up the security people if they provoked him.


After awhile, B came to visit him with some news which he read to A as he was standing behind bars. B managed to overturn the sentence and he would not have to face the death sentence. He was of course happy because he would be alive.


However, when the D day came for A to be released and B fetched him, as he stepped out of the cell, he wanted B to know that their friendship meant a lot to him but the world may not understand him and not be too kind to people like him even after being granted freedom. Of course B tried to talk him out saying that he still cared for him and that matters most. But A was not convinced because he felt that even their friendship could not salvage his past and wanted B to push him over the railings so that he would end his life but B refused. To A, knowing that B had a hand in ending his life mattered more to him (Dont ask me why...i thought it was stupid). But A pulled B towards him and B tripped pushing A over the railings and A fell down to the first floor.


A died instantly coz I think his head reached the floor first snapping his neck and B wailed over the lost of a true friend.


I hated the ending but it did emphasize on one thing which I felt was quite true. Are we that forgiving towards ex prisoners especially those with a violent streak such as A? Will we trust such people or will we think they will cause more damage because of their dark past? A felt that it was worth sacrificing his life rather than go on living because he didnt think he would survive the world beyond prison. However, if he died, he would die a happy man because not all was lost as he forged a deep friendship with B as only B knew him for who he was rather than what he was.


Haiz, I wished I didnt watch the ending and would very much wanted A to go on living. It would be difficult at first trying to blend into the society but it would be worth it and B already promised him that he would try to help him in ways that he could and after all, he did keep his promise when he said that he would get him off the death sentence. In the end, A carried out his own sentence.


Sad....truly sad..not just for A...but for B as well coz I figured he would probably go back to drugs and alcohol and would be in misery the rest of his life for indirectly causing the death of his good friend. Trust America for writing such compelling drama line and it could be fictionalised but who knows, the writer might be inspired by a true story. You know what I think? I felt that it could be based on a true story...maybe exaggerated a bit, but still....you never know what goes on behind bars may not necessarily be violence but strong bonding because after all, it is like a whole new different world there, dark nevertheless, but still not dark enough that these prisoners are no better than animals. Dont forget they are still people who have families and children and not all of them deserve to be there but by a twist of bad luck, they ended up behind bars.


My heart really goes out to these minority of people because their tainted past may not let them carry on life as per normal even after granted freedom. I guess this is how the yellow ribbon project started. Everybody deserves a second chance...why not them...

Light to Night Festival 2019

This is a free festival by the National Gallery Singapore around the City Hall area which you should go. I went for both events which was...