Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Greek Me

Sorrie..kinda put my blogging spirit on hold..was busy..well...doing some late night activity which is usually reserved for blogging. Well, ever since this one venture to finding an internet streaming (read: free movie) led to a whole array of US and UK tv shows that I have heard of but never got to watch it, except to read about it and occasionally, watch on youtubes or other video sharing websites or blogs, kinda got engrossed into it.

Right now, I am watching the first episode of GREEK, which is a US college drama about fraternities or Greek houses in an imaginery university. Last Sunday,was watching episode 10 and I understand why even grown men were watching the show and got hooked on it even though, like me, they thought that it was just some, well..teen drama. Okay it was but the scripting was so clever and funny and the actors and actresses looked so 'real' unlike the primp and proper characters on Gossip Girl which is way too much drama just like how teenagers often imagine their lives to be if they are rich, popular and gorgeous.

Excuse me while I catch the rest of the episode (it has been put on hold as I blog..haha..). Oh, I stopped at the part where Rusty, the new Geeky college student, was accepted by two fraternities. One was a proper fraternity of brothers that has carried on the tradition through years while the other, well..was more popular for their wild parties. So the former gave me a formal letter of acceptance complete with a masthead and sealed in an envelope written and guess how the other one conveyed the message that Rusty got into the fraternity?

Via a sticky note pad with just a message that he's in Kappa Tau. Cracks me up.

ps: Im only watching season 1 now even though it ended way in July last year..yes, call me a later bloomer.

Thursday, April 24, 2008

Idol Broadway Style

Hrm, Mariah is such a meanie to David Archuletta. I wasnt mean to Jason though I do admit he did kill the song yesterday..heh..and yes, Im not a fan of his. Like come on! Im sure he can sing but he cant always be singing like so freaking laid back. He's in a competition, for gawd's sake! My favourites are the two Davids and David Arculetta is likeable (and not just the aunties, the gays..and paedophiles..) and he will go through the next round for sure coz it's a voting system and can tell his fan base is very large. Plus his version was pretty 'poppy' so the tweens would probably be so that. I mean look at that face! Haha...

David Cook was very impressive at first I thought that hey, dont tell me he will be the next one to kill a famous broadway song but apparently, he did not! I would say that he was brave enough to take on the challenge, not afraid to so called tarnish his 'rocker' style just so that he could give his best and get through the next round! Go David!

But I not a fan of american idol in general. Call it lethargy..

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Gossip Me

The things people do to drive drones of viewership on an upcoming episode or latest season. and then with these 'teasers' of course people are definitely going to catch a hold what the bloody fuss is all about.

And unfortunately, leaving a minority of me.....have a sleepless night (okay..maybe like 2% of it) even though I never watched the damn show before! But I 'live' on the net. That means to say....Im aware of what is going on in the television world internationally though I dont even watch much tv except for a repeated season of CSI:Miami on Tuesday nights.

So right now, there have been a lot of teasers for the teen drama Gossip Girl..well, you know the type which has the winning formula of making girls swoon over the lead male characters or see which ones end up as couples and who have sex with who, nevermind their barely out of teens age? Yup, thats the one.

I think it's cheap tactics but hey, if it gets everyone talking, and losing sleep, it definitely has created the buzz that it wanted.

Monday, April 21, 2008

Day's Work

Another boring day at work...

It's funny how some parents think that the general office knows everything and when we try to help..of which the best we can do is to leave the teacher in charge a message...and they're not happy. Sometimes, I just dont know what they want and it's their loss ah if people are sincerely trying to help them but they are not appreciative of it. I think it is also rude that they just hang up like that when, like I said, we have tried our best to help even if they think we're not doing enough. Seriously, if they just want to vent their anger, I dont want to be a willing party for that but unfortunately, I fell victim to it just coz the number they call is directly linked to the office..haiz.

Spoilt my already dull Monday morning but narh, I am okay with whatever, some people are just plain rude and it's all in a day's work.

Sunday, April 20, 2008

Jake's Successor

Some of the things that baffle me...

how on earth this cutie

is acting in rahayupopz's wet dream some low grade and low budgeted indie movie and not some drama from La La Land or Hollywood movie? Look at that face! Are all the producers blind or what?!

Maybe he may try to brush up on his accent a bit coz his Southern drawl is a biittt...on the heavy side.

Meanwhile, I have moved on a bit to French!

Okay more precisely, a French cop drama..heh.

Actually, I watched the webisodes already last year, but strangely, it only caught on recently. HOWEVER, some kind soul (a French precisely) added some subtitles so now the show made a lot more sense like why the heck he handcuffed the girl to the bed, teased her a bit, and then did several push ups on the floor with the girl still handcuffed..hrm..Oh, and I also understand now that the woman who put up horrendous looking curtains in his new bachelor pad was actually his mum.

Oh, and I also symphatised with fans of Torchwood (a Science Fiction show from UK) who are still recuperating from the shock of the loss of prominent characters on that show. I havent caught the episode and have no plans to do so except to read the recap as per normal (at work on a Monday morning, no less). But still, I am sad over the loss of Tosh because she had really developed over the episodes and we dont just know her as a maths genius though I didnt get why she was obssessed with Owen despite being given the brush off from him several times. Seriously girl, some guy is just not worth it especially if he's some uber living dead zombie.

Anyhoo, I know u think this entry is like a complete waste of gushing over an unknown actor and er...some french drama. Still..where there is a cute guy, there is rahayu..

speaking of which

doesnt he look like a better looking Jake Gyllenhaal?

Okay I digress. Well, once in awhile a fun entry wouldnt hurt and oh, just wanna let you in that I have updated my Single blog on friendster and also added a link to all the past photos at the side profile that have appeared on my blog in case you want to keep track of the number of hotties I rant about including the one above and the hottie that is currently blogging as well. I realised also that whenever I update my Single blog, I seem to have an increase in the number of profile views from other friendster-ders as well. So like what, I have an official fan club who keeps tabs on me whenever I update that blog? Wow, I am looking forward to being an official newspaper columnist like another single girl who has her own column every Monday on Straits Times..muahaha..

Friday, April 18, 2008

Back to Work

Im back...*sniff*...working..

two days of fast.

oh yes, forgot to say, for the rarest time in my adulthood life, I...had a two days' mc!!!

The last time I had such 'priviledge' was when I was still sick after my 14 days of mc from chicken pox few years back.

Other than that, my colleagues (dunno whether true or not), have been nice in answering the calls and attending to parents.

So far, only one asked am I okay now but coming from her, im not surprised. She has this tough exterior but she's really nice AND she does not have to pretend to be nice or only nice to the male teachers.

Anyway, I thank them for their help..dunno for how long, but will do for now..

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Luke Comes Out

Wow...I opened the internet, went to one of my fav blogs and I had to do double take on one of the headliners which said that the actor playing Scotty on Brothers and Sisters, has come out as gay. Yes, that hottie that I raved more than once on my gay.

Actually, I didnt want to believe that he was gay just because he played a gay character on Brothers and Sisters besides being quite a hoot. But there were huge gossips on the net proclaiming that he was the boyfriend of TR Knight who just came out at that time, who later became his ex and then there were other rumours that he was (or is?) with Wentworth Miller. Oh, and the pictures with the matching sandals and outfit did not help either, darlings. Sorta like an upgrade..heh. He didnt deny that he's gay nor did he proclaim he was not and I think at that time, he was just trying to protect his private life and didnt want to give in to notion that hey, playing gay doesnt mean he's gay in real life.

Also, if he came out back then, when he was still struggling to make ends meet with his acting career, may spell disaster of which, in the article, he did say he was still fearful of the outcome of his decision to say that he is gay. Because in Hollywood's mindset, if people find out the actor is gay, it is difficult for them to get leading roles which require them to be paired up with a sexy young female as people may find it hard to accept them. And also, being an actor, they dont want to be cast in roles that are a reflection of their sexuality only, because it limit their exposure.

So because of that, there are many closeted actors who are struggling to be themselves and yet at the same time, do not want their professional life to be affected either. Therefore, even if Wentworth doesnt want to come out and play, yet, you cant blame him totally. Im thinking if the Prison Break's ratings start to drop then maybe he will..haha.

I mean..pfft.....who wouldnt raise their hand if they're dating a cutie like the above pictures. Damn Hollywood lifestyle. Well, luke drew a line when it came to his dating life and I dont think it's because he is being coy in trying to keep things private. He may, well, 'out' the person who Im thinking is some may-jah celebrity (*cough* Wentworth *cough*).

Anyway Luke, even though Im pretty disappointed, you know the deal with me. Gay or not, you have a place in my heart.

Open Book

My life as an open book. that would be interesting. I was reading this blog one time and every week, they featured three avatars and last week was about the profiles behind the avatars where readers get a glimpse into their life..sorta like an open book through their 'about me' section.

So how would my life be if I were to write a profile about myself bearing in mind the theme of 'open book'? Maybe...just will go something like this?..

Now now..dont laugh..

'Hi my name is Rahayu and Im just your average girl in the mid twenties and I have a laid-back approach to life which may not be the kind of life that life coaches will promote. Every day I struggle to find meaning to my life and try to accept whatever is thrown my way though at times, it can be very unbearable. Yet, I always manage to pull through with the support of friends and family, even if the latter can be quite a handful for me being a single young woman with the burden of the family's responsibilities on top of her rather broad shoulders.

I often try to make time for myself such as after work and most of it is spent on the net. Whether Im googling, reading article after article on pop culture blogs, watching videos after videos on youtube or blogging, to me, it is a way of relieving the stress of my daily struggles.

There are times when I try to get out of my comfort zone and I am proud to say that I have been successful at that. Though the process may take time to take place before I succeed, the bottomline is that I managed to and to me, that is quite an achievement.

I am often labelled as a nice person or a quiet person and I do admit that I agree with them. But if there are times for me to act tough, I will force myself to do so because it is one way to prove to myself that I can do it. Generally, I dont like to label people also or typecast people because I believe everyone is different but at times, I cant help but to generalise especially if some people try so hard to blend in with the norm, that it is hard for them to stand out.

While I struggle to maintain the sanity in my family, I also struggle with my own inner demons. I am a recovering food and snack addict and I used to balk at the thought of hearing that in one day, we can only have up to 5 meals because to me, I thought that was so little. I admit that I am slightly obssessed with my weight because Im torn between wanting to look better and being true to myself. But I try to have some balance in my life, as in other aspects of my life too such as my work life, and most time, I do succeed because I have taught myself that sometimes, a bit of sacrifice wont hurt if it is going to be for the better and also to try not to think too much about it.

I have never dated or have a boyfriend before in my life though I love boys. No not in a paedophile sort of manner but generally, matured guys even if they're straight or otherwise. Hey, if they're good looking, why not. However, I dont think I am ever going to be ready in a relationship because I think that I dont have 'space' for one in my life due to my heavy commitment towards my own family. And I guess God understands that because so far, no guy has ever shown interest in me..haha..Yes, God, play the cruel joke on me.

Despite my relaxed demeanour, I did suffer from depression twice in my life before in my teens. It was so bad that I found myself crying for a good fifteen minutes whenever I went into the toilet cubicle. I was not able to smile at all and found myself drowning in a sea of sorrow every single day. But I snapped out of it, like after three months or so, and learnt my mistakes and came out never better. Infact, my life improved and the dark days soon became nothing but bad memories.

For now, I am still trying to get used to my new work life which I have made a complete turn from my last job. I dont have the kind of bond I used to have with my former colleagues which initially made me a tinge depressed but I have learnt to cope with it and shift my focus into performing better for my job rather than to feel left out of their childish jokes. I am also trying to do more than what I am doing right now and possibly, open an online shop of costume jewelleries and dabble a bit more in graphic designing. It will make me feel that I am not that 'useless' anymore by just spending my free time in a very carefree manner.

My dream one day is to continue my studies. I was close to achieving that this year but unfortunately, family comes first for me and the savings that I have right now, I think that is better spent on them first than me. But I will, nevertheless, try my best and if not this year, maybe next year?

Somehow my other dream to become a teacher has died because my idea of becoming a teacher then was too simplistic and knowing myself, I will probably struggle a lot. However, I did manage to get myself into the education ministry by becoming involved with school administration. I have always wanted to do administration whether is it for school or not because I get to have my own table and computer. Yes, very lame but true.

Okay, I think I have spoken enough about life as an open book. Hope it somehow enlightens you a bit about the real me. Or not.

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

The Antics of Children

I feel a little bit under the weather now because some smart aleck put a rather big standing fan at a corner of our office, with the air con on no less, and had it blowing at us for the whole day. I dont know what was the deal with putting a fan there but then again, knowing the antics of my colleague, it was not surprising. And being someone who is pretty sensitive to strong breeze, which makes me switch off the fan in the middle of the night for some peaceful sleep, I caught a bit of flu which is not a good thing because my throat is also affected which sucks. If this happens, normally I will feel rather terrible. I just hope it is just a passing phase and it will be better tomorrow and I'll just suck on one more lozenge before I sleep..haiz. Well, at least it's better than accusing Mariah of passing on the flu bug to me..heh..

Anyhoo, I was kept busy almost the whole day with labelling files as well as labelling names of non Chinese students and their names get even more complicated than that? I had to double check the records online just to make sure I didnt get the spelling wrong or something. As usual, there were the usual interruptions and seriously, if the parents get any letters, please ah, keep them for reference sake. And a few times I had to 'konk' my head or think through what the heck I was doing when labelling the files because it all seemed foreign to me..this non-mother tongue crap thingey that came in three files. Then the instructions came from that very same colleague whom Im not really on par with as she was put in charge of some aspects of pupils' administration and that some of her duties would be shifted to me eventually as she is now handling accounts payable.

After I was done labeling, after nearly 5pm, I was like..oh now I know what the heck I was doing all that time. And yes, it was a Monday so you know the deal with Mondays...only half your brain will work. Though this brain was also in a 'what the?!' mode when one primary six half caucasian boy came to me with a bloodless smaller than your one cent or one penny scraped skin with the skin still intact on his palm and he was like screaming in pain. And apparently, a plaster was not sufficient for him! He wanted me to put a bandage on top of that with a cotton pad and before that to clean it. Haiz, to shut him up from the screams..yawns...I put on a cotton pad on it, which he asked to fold in half after I said it's a bit too big for the scrapped skin, so I just do what he wanted ah. Probably just to let him 'entertain' his friends like oh what big injury he had with a bandage on his palm..gawd.

But according to my colleagues, who would flatly chase him away, like a big 'go away!' even before he completed his sentence, he is a very naughty boy though I dont know in what way. I only know that he is quite an attention seeker because it's not the first time I see him in the office and after the earlier incident, confirmed he is one!! Even kids younger than him, with a bigger cut than him after a fall did not whince in pain when I put on plaster on the injured part.

I can only imagine that if he goes to secondary school and eventually becomes a teenager, he will be a very handsome guy who is appealing to girls if he goes to a mixed school. Appealing...until he falls and injures himself with a tiniest scrap on his palm or knee.

But like I said before, these children, though at times annoying, pesky...and uhm, demanding...whichever is worse, can be pretty cute at times even if they're pretty big already like age 10 and above. Of course I particularly like the chubby primary one children coming into our office with their cute little voices and shorts that look a bit too big on them asking for our help. And then, seeing the bigger boys cry when they get scolded by the teachers badly or for any other reason, I feel quite bad for them also though at times they deserved it..heh. My other colleagues, probably used to their antics, are not really nice to them so yes, I have a feeling that I will be THE ONE to look for whenever they go to office and I think some of them might be doing that already. I can be strict too like asking them the infamous 'why?' question only because I was finding some excuse to not call the teacher down via the PA system or to avoid being labelled as 'too nice' for giving them permission to use the office phone..haha..

I cant deny though that these children colour my working life as well as some of the teachers also who make my day with their friendliness. It kinda kills the loneliness a bit of me being a newbie among the old timers who will usually joke among themselves though the one who usually start the ball rolling is that so called bubbly colleague of mine while others are just playing along with it. But I dont feel like Im left out or anything because I dont really find her put on 'cute antics' as funny though my operations manager cracked me up with the way he talked to the boys, his guests or the companies that he hire for contract services for our school.

Now that one is original like one time, one of the contractors was like waiting for almost five minutes outside his cubicle while he was concentrating on writing an email. I told him he had someone waiting and then my colleague also told him that and he gave like an almost inaudible 'yah yah..'. But that poor guy was waiting quite awhile until my colleague gave another shout that there is a guy waiting for him to sign and he was like...'huh? you didnt tell me what..someone waiting for me!' DOh! *slaps forehead*

Yes I think I overdone with my 'work talk' again so I will self ban myself on this topic for the next two days..haha..

Sunday, April 13, 2008

Just Gotta Do It

Im done with paying bills..without opening, er..some of them up because I dont want to give myself some unwanted heart attacks. Trust me, the chest pains I had two weeks ago was more than enough. Well, at the very least, throughout some difficult times, I expected my internet to get cut off, but it didnt actually until the day I got paid. And every midnight, I was like...'pls pls pls...let the internet work..' and miraculously it did.

Anyway, I can tell you one thing about money is that they sure run out pretty fast. I have actually set aside 100bucks for half of this week and I have about 30 bucks left and the week has not even started yet...which I half expected to have left since Sunday is part of the weekend and that I eventually had to buy that Clinique liquid facial soap. And oh, I finally got myself an umbrella that worked..heh. Okay, technically, I had not used it yet but I expected the umbrella to be in a better working condition that the previous $2.50 umbrella? Now now..dont laugh at that.

But I think I would have lesser than that if not for my mum's help in contributing a bit of money for the past two days since my father has some money probably given by my relatives to get by the week.

Anyway, I actually felt sleeping now but for the past few days, before I fall asleep, I think about my work and the people at my workplace. So much so, I even dreamt about them though the only one I could recall was with this one particular teacher. Leeeeet's just say that he's not one that is droolworthy but he does impressed me with his friendliness by actually shaking my hand and introducing himself to me on the first day instead of seeing me as some foreign object. But ever since I have officially carried my duty in closing the office, he has been quite an ass in getting his, er...ass, out of the office like there's always some last minute thing to do or something. Even if he has to climb back up the spiral staircase, like even twice, just to grab a hard a file...pack his things..blah blah making me retort..'YOU AGAIN!'

Despite his annoying habit of staying late and staying put at his place even after passing by his table even up to three times, he has been pretty nice to me. Uhm, although his 'affectionate' words to me do make me feel like he's treating me like a younger colleague, it does also make me feel awkward a bit like heh, what if people hear because I dont hear him saying such things to other colleagues of mine, in particular, the one behind me who is so 'on' with almost every one.

In other words, I see them as no big deal though I think he IS careful when he utters such words. Okay, like he said 'yes dear'...and when I was switching off the lights so the office seemed half lit, he was like 'doesnt this feel romantic to you with the lights off?'...and when I was walking off and he called me over to sign the key signing acknowledgement paper..I was telling him, 'tsk..I didnt walk fast enough' and he said 'too bad you didnt walk fast so now I need your beautiful signature'. Oh, and his latest 'affectionate' foray was when he sent me an email saying that he didnt see the letter scanned by me to be uploaded by him and I replied that oh okay, it was there when I checked but nevermind, I rescanned again. It was strictly official email sorta junk, yes I call them emails as junk, and he sent a reply saying 'yes dearie, I see it now and thank you'.

Again it didnt really bother me unless he's my type and UNMARRIED..heh..until I backtracked a bit and was like..'shit! dont tell me he cc'ed that email to the rest!' and smart move, he didnt in contrast to the earlier email.

So okay, Rahayu has had enough with this 'scandal' thingey again with a married man. Although he's not as good looking as Dennis the Bugger, I would say he's okay looking only with a typical look of a married early thirty something man or a token daddy look for a young kindergarten going kid.

But still, people like him 'colours' my work life a bit with their quirkiness and their friendliness just like a young Chinese teacher whose cubicle I always swing by whenever I do a closing up of the teachers' staff room. I mean so far, the working environment has been quite a snoozefest although I have psyched myself up to not think about that and focus on work instead and to go home at the end of the day. So now it doesnt really seem to be a big deal and there is always Mariah to chat with online to beat the boredom blues of being stuck in office instead of travelling and seeing the many different places and catch up with other colleagues.

Anyway, whatever it is...the biggest joy is to come home and be able to log on the net and forget about my blues whether at work or in other parts of my life. So talking about life, that's how it is. Sometimes you just have to do it whether you like it or not.

Just like washing my hair, which I dislike after a long harrowing childhood experience when my mum used to do that for me. It's something I have to do or I'll end up with smelly hair and cuts my 'beauty' in half. Yes, it's that bad.

Zen Budget and Zen Food

I want to do a quick blog entry but every time I attempt to do one, it always end up as a long entry. This entry is what I call, 'before i bathe, i decided to waste my time' entry.

First of all, some serious stuff, I want to offer my condolences to a good friend of mine whose mother passed away few days ago after a long battle with cancer. She was a good mum, very patient with her children and her estranged husband and I will always remember her as a soft spoken woman whom I knew of for more than ten years and who had long fought a battle with illnesses and not just cancer ever since she was young. She had lived a good long life and had been loved unconditionally by all her children until the day she passed. My prayers go out to her. Amin.

And as stated in the comments box by MARIAH, it was quite a trip going to her hometown of Yishun..precisely, Chong Pang (which my ex colleagues praised of whenever they covered that area for field visits). We went to North Point and then proceeded to Chong Pang. In all, I spent more than what I could have spent in downtown Orchard Road..heh. Come to think of it, perhaps the make up stuffs I bought was not necessary yet as it was not on my wish list or 'things to buy list' because Im a believer of using things until they seriously run out even if the pencil eye liner becomes mega short. But then again, I have a tendency to have a 'clouded' mind on the first day of payday and then pull myself down to reality and telling myself to be extra careful with my expenses the next few days.

Perhaps, the ONLY thing that was worth it was the pair of black jeans that I bought from the outskirt of Chong Pang market. It doesnt have those frilly frilly ugly stuffs that usually adorned jeans from these kind of places. Actually I was looking for a black pair of tights but knowing that I dont have a pair of to-die-for legs, it will be the oddest thing to wear. Instead, I settled for a black pair of jeans which I had to wear a few sizes bigger because, as claimed by the aunties at the shop, is a pair of skinny jeans. Even though it doesnt have the word 'skinny' on the label or whatsoever, I assumed it is from the way it, er...wraps round my legs?! Is that why they're called skinny jeans?! You know how fashion impaired I am.

I tried to wear the 'normal' black jeans about my size and dang! It could not fit my legs well though I can still can zip up and button but soon unbuttoned it coz I felt the cutting was pretty small. It was either that or I had put on weight of which just now, I tried my Giordano pair of jeans that was a size smaller that the jeans I tried on and it still could the cutting WAS small..heh.

Okay, skinny or not, at the very least, I finally got a pair of black jeans that could wear with watever. It is opposed to the other black pants that i have that are slightly cropped coz, uhm..I like wearing cropped pants but it will be nice to wear pants that go all the way to my ankles for once. And oh, I still dont consider myself as a jeans wearer and I still dislike jeans because I dont really think it suits me like how it does to other people but whatever it is, having at least a pair of jeans is considered a 'must-have'. However, I do agree that it is convenient to wear with most tops especially on days that you dont feel like dressing up but still have to somehow look decent enough and putting on a pair of jeans will fulfill that.

Of course my mum groans at the fact that I have added another one to my jeans collection because it will be one more thing for her to wash. So she was saying that I have been easily blinded and easily influenced by people to buy. Okaylah, maybe i had sidetracked a bit because actually, I was keeping aside some money to buy my liquid facial soap that has run out and will cost me about thirty plus to buy a new one. So I will see how I can try to save the next few days in order to maintain the 'zen' in my budgeting..haha.

Tomorrow is Nat's birthday and me and Mariah had bought her some gifts. Hopefully she can spare us some time in the next two weeks so we can dump the presents on her..ha! Perhaps we'll just throw a simple celebration for her like a dinner or something which gives me an excuse to eat a bit more than my usual weekdays' fare of yawnable food. Trust me, eating oatmeal for lunch on most weekdays is no joke but now that I dont travel for work, and sits down most times, I have to maintain a balance in my diet or resort to my mum saying 'your tummy looks bigger now' or 'your skirt looks hiked up which means that your bum is bigger'. Yes, she's the very same person who asks me to eat something for lunch.

See I told you this is no quick entry.

Saturday, April 12, 2008


Im in the midst of recovering from rather painful stomach cramps from my nervousness that I wont get my salary again. Why? Coz okay for obvious reasons I was not paid the last month because I just joined the organization. So for almost three weeks, I suffered a setback because of lost income and not only that, the power supplies people came down hard on us which took quite a hefty amount out of my savings leaving me quite little left to fend for the family. I was carrying on a high hope on my performance bonus which I eventually received and it was enough to carry forward to this very day, 12th of the month.

And then early this week, I finally got the password to log in to the system to view the payslip and my internet screwed up so I did not manage to change the password successfully and the system also locked me out. So I had to wait for another posting to my house which meant to say I would have no idea how much I will get and even better, no clue as to whether I would really really get paid this coming Saturday!


And yet another breath of relief when I checked my bank account online and saw that I had been paid. Relief!!!

Of course there are the usual long overdued bill payments which die die have to pay and there are some 'extras' to be paid as well..hrmph. So after I minus this..minus that....I think, okaaaaaylah, still have some balance left for necessary survival, hehe.

Meanwhile, let Rahayu do her dance of joy while shouting..'I have finally been paid!! I have finally been paid!!!'

Friday, April 11, 2008

You Look Familiar

I was watching this Brit teen soap drama via youtube (where else...) and I was pretty smitten by this one guy who was a recurring character. I was like..'why didnt I meet such cute college guys before in O.I.?' Basically, O.I. was the abbreviated name of the pre-U I attended back then and which I was happy to get out of but without making some life long friends though.

Anyway, this guy was not a college guy but a police officer and a friend of one of the series regular. Okay, this picture might not be the most flattering one because he was shocked by a certain revelation...but nevertheless, still maintained the cuteness, although his accent was a bit weird which made him sound a weetle bit funny.

And then in school, like oh my gawd....I saw this parent who came into the office and he looked exactly like that! Im like..'......'..which was the same as being speechless. I was so awe struked by him that when I was at the counter later and he came to give the visitor's pass back, he gave this sweetest smile and I was so...'.....'....yes speechless yet again and grinning a bit like nobody's business until I snapped out of it.

But he was Chinese yet have this Caucasian-ish look to him just like in this picture. That parent was dressed smartly like he just came from office and had gone to see his primary one kid.

Uhm, and he's pretty average height..of which he is neither tall or short..and you know how I am about guys of that certain height. Extra smittened!

"really?! she thinks Im short?! AND talks funny?''

Ah yes, if you're wondering when is this entertainment news update gonna end, okay just your luck aight? It IS over and Ronnie....

did not win. BUT!!!! He was a fan favourite and had a huge internet following so despite being at the bottom 3...uhm, the most number of times I think, ultimately, he was a first runner up. It was finally down to either him or Holly and if not for Holly's fake haute couture wig, I was pretty sure Ronnie would have taken the cake judging from his popularity.

But his popularity could only do so much though it did keep him away from being eliminated. At the end of the competition, when votes came in to see who had the making of a supermodel, he didnt make the cut...*sobs*.

Although I do agree that Ronnie a.k.a Dewie Eyes, doesnt really look too hot to be a model as compared to the more established male models. But people were mostly in awe of his sincerity and pleasant personality unlike the rest of the models-to-be in that jail house who were pretty stuck up.

Instead he formed an alliance with Ben and despite a minor dispute among them, they quickly made up and in a recent interview, both said that they would remain friends and Ben's wife was also a fan of Ronnie too.

The Bronnies

Ronnie and mum (look at their smile! same same!)

Yup, Ronnie is single. Any takers?

Great, does this mean I have to change the Man of the Moment? Well, for now..I let him enjoy the moment too as he did made me proud. Go Ronnie!

Thursday, April 10, 2008

Live to Learn

I am so inclined to talk about work but decided against it but just do a quick recap of what happened. I can only say I dont know what got into parents today...they're Making such big hoo-haas like the world revolves around their children only. I can only say that they should look at a bigger picture and school rules are there for a reason. The only thing I am quite upset about is how one parent was going to quote my name, despite me saying that it is best to talk to the teacher about this issue since we are merely following the school rules. But she was so adamant in trying to make me make an exception for her son whose hand was in a cast, which she therefore see no need for him to wear a nametag for his new shirt, that Im like in my heart..'whatever whatever you want.'

I was so frustrated about it that I didnt manage to take down her particulars because in my head, I was thinking it's not fair that here I am trying so hard to reason out to her but she was like dying to cut the story short by making her son to quote my name if they asked. To me, communication should be two way. When they talked, I listened and shouldnt they do the same to me too instead of constantly cutting me in when I was trying to explain? Some things you dont question school rules. If we try to bend the rule for one boy, what if other parents ask and want us to make the exception for them too? And if things get out of hand, at the end of it all, are they going to answer for it? Definitely not. It will still fall back on the school.

And then, for all you know, if I try to raise my voice, they would say that I am being rude. So I learned some important things today. If I cannot handle the case, pass it to my admin manager or the discipline master and..AND......very important, take down the particulars. Oh, and NEVER try to make exceptions for any of the parents.

So I have to psyche myself up from tomorrow onwards..'take down the particulars, rahayu...take down the particular, rahayu...never make exceptions..never make exceptions..' Phewh! That's hard work.

Anyway, today I didnt get reprimanded by my manager so another 'Phewh!' for that. And my VP even praised me for the collating of feedback that I had done for her previously. Oh, and my grey haired semi-crush (yes there is such a thing..dont ask.) subject head talked to me! Okay he just took the puncher from my desk and then asked if he could borrow but still! He chose to borrow it from me instead of going to the usual 'stopping point' cubicle behind me! Like I said previously, Im not here to badmouth my colleague because I know she's nice and helpful but if she chooses to get promoted, it's really up to her as long as she doesnt step on me in order to get what she wants.

Back to my semi-crush...heh. Not bad ah, for someone who carries girly bags (three of them, no less) is pretty popular. For one, my colleague likes to disturb him (but she does it to the I.T. assistant as well whose very the geeky sort) and his car, would always have other teachers going with him and I assume he'll drop them somewhere and today, there were like three female teachers who had a lift from him.

And that brings me to another point of the day...Rahayu needs to get a freakin' life! Like maybe for once, like a guy who is WORTH IT! Haiz, it made me out to be such a desperate mamma, I think if a guy in his senior years walked past me, I would assume he's still in his twenties. I want my mojo back!

Kinda tired talking about my work life in school admin. But I think it pretty much helps me to clear the air a bit.

Other bits of my dad is STILL not back yet from his sister's house. My mum was like asking me every single day...should I call him and ask when is he returning. But on the other hand, she felt that he is better off there. And then she said she also pitied my brother because at times, if my mum gives him money to buy food, some of it he will use to buy for my brother some snacks like curry puffs or chicken rice which he will eat after he comes back from school.

But now, he comes back expecting something to eat and trust me, he will have this voracious appetite since he doesnt eat in school, and there's nothing for him except a bottled drink which I will buy the evening before after work. So my mum feels a bit sad because she pities my brother. And she also said that she doesnt have money to buy for him food and felt even more sad when she thinks about my brother, at his young age, his father has stopped working. I said why need to be sad, Im still working what..and I still buy for him food and drinks. And my mum keeps quiet and I dont know what is she thinking.

Even though we're not rich and I do struggle to bring him up and support the family too at the same time, acting like a breadwinner, I'd rather suffer than let them suffer. But my mum will say that this is not the way. I cant always try to budget by cutting down on my food expenses because it will affect my health which in turn will affect them as well.

You know, it's not coz Im trying to budget. But sometimes I dont know what Im trying to achieve. When I used to have very little money left, yes it is true I try to budget by not eating so that I am able to buy snacks for them to eat after I finish work. And now when I have just a bit of savings to get by the week, I am torn between trying to keep myself healthy by not eating so much and eating healthily and also trying to maintain the money put aside for the week's expenses. So it's often a battle to me but I try to rectify the matter by swopping real food with oatmeal only on alternate days or two straight days instead of straight three days or more.

So far so good. I have not experienced bad chest pains and when I walk to school every morning like for about 13 minutes or so, I dont feel so breatheless. Next week, I am going to start back my gym and hopefully I will be healthier just so that I can continue to look after my family...apart from losing weight, that is..hehe.

I want thank those who showed their concern to me because I really appreciate it. I really do. Dont worry, I wont disappoint and it may seem that your advice falls on deaf ears, actually it's not. I do take note and will be more careful next time. Life is all about learning right? And that is what I am doing every single day.

Wednesday, April 09, 2008

Something's Not Right

Today Tuesday is NOT my least in terms of work wise. Already earlier in the week, I had already established that Im not going to be so sour that I dont get along with my current colleagues as well as I did with my previous colleagues ( least some of them). I only plan to concentrate on work, make less mistakes (uhm, actually no mistakes..but that's near impossible). But alas, so not working!

I wasn't reprimanded by my supervisor and funny, I wasnt so upset. But of course, there was a tinge of 'eurgh..'...yes, that bit of awful feeling. I guess, like what I had said earlier to Mariah, I take it all in my stride because as a newbie, mistakes made are common though it does suck. Today's case was a case of, cut the long story short, what I was supposed to do, I didnt do and what I was NOT supposed to do, I did.

Im okay...coz I think that in all dull moments, there were some up moments. Like how I attended to this P1 kid, who took his time to tell me his situation though I must applaud his bravery. He was like telling me...'I wait for my supposed to.......wait..for the..can....teen.'...I was like aaah....'can you say again?' And he continued, in his wet shirt and all, 'I thought I...have...reme....dial....and...and...I dont have.....and...I father.......I....have....' It was much much longer than this and the poor kid had to repeat one more time coz I think I fell asleep halfway listening to his story..heh.

He came in at least three times to see me because he got bored waiting for his brother to finish his remedial and I was can do your homework first while waiting. But obviously, he got bored again and he came in and asked me to call his brother down. I think his class was shifted somewhere else instead of his usual class because there was no one in the class when I paged so the poor kid had to wait at the side of the porch near the security area. Well, it did have a happy ending later when the elder brother finished his remedial and they were walking together while waiting for their dad to come and pick them up.

Well, my colleague behind me, if you hear her talk, can pretty much tell she has a very bubbly personality amidst her constant busy moments since she is dealing with payments and has to chase the teachers for invoices and etc. But she doesnt really talk to me in that personality mode of hers but just in terms of work and if she does that, she will look serious. I dont know if she's agitated by me since I like to ask her quite a lot since there are so many things that Im not sure of. If she feels that way about me, then Im sorry but trust me, I am not so unfair as to keep questioning her only and I do ask the rest too except for that one guy coz he's an old timer and he looks like he's pretty much sick and tired of everything that's going on already. I know she's busy and Im sure they all are too. It's just that I dont think that it's my fault if she's having problems with the teachers submitting late invoices so if she thinks Im disturbing her, well again Im sorry if I ever do.

You see, the thing is that if I dont ask around, I will get reprimanded for not finding out first. And I do get 'gentle reminders' that oh, you're supposed to do like this..or do like have to ask this or ask I pretty much get it in my head already that Im supposed to find out first. It's not all green light for me.

But it's okay. I know they all like her for her bubbly personality and most teachers who come down zoom in on her though they are pretty much the same people who irritate her also. Now I know this is something that I should not comment about but I dont think she's as busy as what she is portraying herself to be. I dont deny that she has work to do but I think her 'act busy' is just a put on coz I do see her play facebook and chat online too whenever I pass by her cubicle. I mean, okay I do too but in her case, I think she's just acting it up for the supervisor by fluttering here and there like there's tonnes of things to do though from what I see, she's mostly clearing invoices.

I dont want to condemn her so much coz she is helpful and taught me quite a lot too when I first joined. It's just that I dont really like it when she starts joking around in the office in her 'bubbly' mode, because it will also feel as if she is treating me like Im invisible.

Not really sure how to describe that but I can tell you, nowadays I dont care. Like I said, it felt like a big act...showing that she can really work...and really joke around as if she's trying too hard to impress. Seriously, that is my perception on her and it's really pretty obvious.

At the very least, not all are like that. One of them, who is years older than us, was really kind to me just now and this was not the first time. I really cant thank her enough. She's quite the opposite of the one I described of earlier. She, in contrast, when she talks, she sounds serious and she has this 'I dont give a damn' attitude with the teachers coz she believes they're not worth giving face to. Oh about just now, when she heard my supervisor making noise, she came to me and was like trying to help. She was what is else is pending, and I told her there was one more thing but the VP was busy attending to some filipino guests so she said, okay..can give to her later. Apparently, I found out she hates noises and I dont mean it in a bad way because seriously, who does?

Oh, and about the counter duty, I was also a bit pissed last week coz it was not my duty week and in the afternoon, it was supposed to be that 'bubbly' girl's turn in the afternoon. The morning one was that old timer and yet, they were not doing their counter duty like how they were supposed to do. I was practically going up and down from my cubicle and the CCA co-ordinator sitting near the counter was also attending to the visitors. Please lah, as busy as you guys portrayed yourselves to be, it's really not fair to chuck the counter duty to other people coz it's not their turn. Be fair ah.

The only one who did her counter duty as scheduled (apart from me, that is) was the colleague who has been helping me pretty much a lot and talking to me as in more than just 'colleague talk'. When I got up to attend to the visitors in the morning, since like I said I was nearer than her, she said to me, no need, she would attend though her cubicle was slightly further than mine. See! that is what I call model worker and it's no surprise that she's of higher grade than them all (including the old timer) and yet she is so modest about it. Oh, and she doesnt have to pretend to flutter around like she has 1001 things to do. Yet I know she's all work coz she doesnt even chat or play facebook.

Seriously, I dont really enjoy taking up much space in a blog entry talking about my work but tonight, I just felt like I wanted to air my unhappiness. I still feel that Im not going to let it go to my head but it's just that for a week or so, I have been figuring out that something's not right apart from me trying to cope with life as a newbie office worker. NOW I know ever since I was not happy about them not doing their counter duty properly and yet, when I was sitting at my table for awhile, my supervisor thought that I was not doing my counter duty properly.

Okay whatever. I have said it once and I have said it again, I will only concentrate on improving myself as well awaiting for my first pay with this organization. Oh yes I will....

Sunday, April 06, 2008

The Week Before Payday


weekend blogging! I actually like to blog on weekends..dunno why. Maybe, coz I get to recap the events for the last week. In terms of finance, there wasn't a major setback although I do worry that the internet is going to be cut off soon. Infact, Im not speaking about internet bills but my other bills as well which I have not been able to pay due to me not getting my pay yet. I only need to hold out for this next few days, more precisely..the weekdays, and finally! Finally, Rahayu's efforts for the last dunno how long ago (I know it's more than a month) in working her ass off her new job, will be appreciated, thank U very much.

But of course, it's not all 'yay! it's shopping time!' for me but my first priority is to pay the bills and after an estimation, it will be close to a 1k..*gulp*. Then again, after plus minus-ing the figure, it will probably be about $800. Ok I know this habit may somehow get me into trouble in the future (read: escalated unpaid remaining bills) but I think I pay quite enough for each bill. (read: not that little).

I've already succumbed to my fate that I will never be well off and live in some kick ass big bungalow with a maid to do my laundry and iron them before I go to work. Hrm, but knowing my mum, she wants things done her way so fat hope for that..which means...the laundry and ironing will still be rightfully hers, rich or otherwise. Anyway, my point is that I just have to continue to learn to be thrifty because it is not easy being the sole breadwinner of the family. It's really tough especially when you live in Singapore where things are super expensive and yet your pay is as miserable as ever.

But God is great. He does help me out at times but most importantly, He makes me think about my family plight and staying strong in the process so I wont turn a blind eye to my family's situation and run away from all the problems. I have a friend who nicknamed me among her other friends as the 'runaway girl' because she felt that Im so obliged to fulfill my responsibility towards my family and how much Im suffering under such circumstance that the only solution for me is to actually run away.

First thing first. Where am I going to run to? And secondly, it is the same as shrinking from my responsibility and leaving them to fend for themselves which they are unable to do so. Plus, I would only acquire a big chunk of a sin. It will bounce back to me and I will not be able to live in peace for as long as Im alive. God will never forgive me also.

After that health scare last week, where I was experiencing tight chest pains for a couple of days, my mum had been reminding me that I must learn to take care of my health because they need me to keep the family together. Dont even talk about my father. Nowadays, he likes to go to his sister's house and stay there for days as if he's some lonesome bachelor. Even people older than him are still working to fill up their ricebowl. His illness is just an excuse. It's not as if he is without medicine or what. To him, his diabetes is like a death sentence. So my mum has practically washed her hands off my dad.

If his family wants to criticise our family, go ahead. Im sick and tired of their nonsense. If they also think that my father is better off staying there, go ahead..let him stay there. It's not as if there is any difference if he stays here anyway.

Harsh I know but it's the truth. Whatever it is, I think I have other things to worry about which revolves around taking care of my family. Like right now, I worry so much about what the content of the registered postage which I have yet to claim. We didnt manage to open the door on time for the postman so he left us with a photocopied front cover of the letter and it had my parents' names on it. To me, it spelt like bad news since you know, I didnt manage to pay any bills last month. And nowadays, you know the deal. They like to spend money hiring the services of private law firms because they think, that with a little threat, we will finally pay out. It's just one of the things why I simply HATE staying in Singapore, apart from the obnoxious people with their lack of mannerism.

Gosh, that's a lot of rant and rave. And I havent even come to my work part. Anyway, the only good thing is that in the next few days leading to my pay, I dont have to struggle that much in terms of financial coverage for my family's daily expenses but I dont want to speak too soon. So I'll just leave it as that. But I got a feeling my mum knows that I have a bit of money left after she said that if I get my pay, she wants to buy food from a popular restaurant at Haig Road because she likes the rendang (some kind of meat dish) from there. And I think I forgot to do my scrunched up face at the thought of spending money on food that will cost me quite a bit especially during times when my savings run low. So in the afternoon, without a blink of an eye she assigned me to go there to buy food and hauling my brother with me. Haiz...why did I forget?!!

Workwise, Im still okay as long as I have something to do. I know that I will probably not have the kind of bond that I shared with my ex colleagues but nowadays, I try not to think too much about that. At the end of the day, I want to get my job done with no mistakes, learn from experience and be paid on every 12th of the month. I dont want to think about how my colleagues joked among one another but not with me. For me, as long as they help me to cope with my new job responsibilities, I'll be fine.

Let's hope the weekdays breezes by quickly leading up to a sweet payday on Saturday. Based on calculations, I guess I will have enough savings to last me till my next pay day. But, I dont want to count my chicks before the eggs hatch. I sound so butch when I say that.

Six Feet Under - Finale (Sia - Breathe Me)

I posted this before...but I think it's worth posting again..hee. So you can see the song played in a very touching conclusion.

This song was also playing in a German soap drama and it was also a beautiful scene. So it was a bit of a backtracking.

Sia - Breathe Me

Beautiful song..which was also the song playing in the last six minutes of Six Feet Under which chronicled the happiest moments of the Fishers and close friends as well as their deaths.

Power Rangers Opening Theme

I was a HUUUUUUUUGE Power Rangers Season 1 fan back then in secondary school. It was like a ritual for me to watch every Gawd Damn Saturday. I even watched the movies.

After that, their reincarnations sucked.

Well, the original is always the best. And I had this thing for the Red Ranger..heh.

Oh, and a bit of a trivia. I devised its signature sound when they received a beeper on their communicator (sorta like a watch)..which is the same as 'GO! GO! Power Rangers!' theme..using the telephone tones as you punch the number and the series of numbers (six of them) become part of my generic password. Which explains why my password is longer than usual and whenever they need a password of at least 8 characters..AND..also alphanumeric, no problemo.

But the only two times i use the sequence in all its glory is for ATM pin online and offline. Friends from early days knew my password though I swore I never told them but somehow I think they managed to sneak a peek at the first two or what accidentally and they would be like..'hrm..I think i know ur pin number already so I can rob u if I want to.' Like there's anything to rob, in the first place..

If you wanna know how it sounds like, actually I heard some people use it as their message tone. Wah, NOW then they devised a tone out of it.

Friday, April 04, 2008

New Crush?

I love me indie movies...which also includes those done by the amateurs..which spells out a lot of 'huh?!'...'what the?'...and the occasional...'WTF?!!' Sometimes, I know they're trying to drill something that is different which basically means stuffs that are meant to provoke our enclosed thoughts and make us see that the world is full of delusional people (so we're basically not alone). And the language profanities that are often used in such movies and a three parter or more tv dramas (basically those that are not mainstream) reflect the kind of real language people use. And yet I've got problem spewing vulgarities out of my own mouth. Blogs not included.

There are those rude shock moments like uhm...frontal nudity (ME EYES!!!..ooh..nice abs..but still, MY EYES!!!!) which caught me off guard and you can hear me ranting occasionally about that at times.

Speaking of which, I think Im one of those bloggers that are so freaking NOT interesting. Why I say that is because I read blogs too, though not the local ones coz they're a complete waste of time (except Mariah's) but the kind of blogs I read are the entertainment ones written in personal perspectives. Uhm no, Perez Hilton does not make it to my list of 'must reads'.

But then again, it's okay I guess. Bottom line is, it's my basically my outlet about anything and everything. Like how my overall 'niceness' is not a good thing which reflects on how I waste 30 freaking minutes every day after 6pm which is my supposed knock off work time coz some people are so slooooow in packing up and still lingering around. I mean, come on....give me a break! The reason why I didnt chase them out though I give them glares which spells 'hurry up!' and me telling them straight up..'go home..' or my reverse psychology method while they were packing up by saying..'bye!' because they're not small children like the ones they are teaching.

Still, have some consideration for me, please. Buses after 6.30pm are SO not what Im looking forward to taking. Hate the jostling...hate the smelly crowd...etc etc...and they may rant and rave about their work woes and believe you me I know coz I was doing a summary of their freaking long list of difficult to decipher words and sentences. It's one of those team related projects on how to improve the working environment. I thought I could do it in a matter of two hours but after doing it for awhile, it is like taking forever. Anyway, dont care. Tomorrow, I will do it under one hour (yes, Im not done with it yet!) coz I dont think they'll remember like remotely half of what they wrote during their group work. It's basically, 'hrmph..I hate the Department Heads! Canteen food sucks! We have a life...and work life not counted!' so yup, sorry if Rahayu doesnt feel your pain because the pain Im feeling right now is going through your long list of ramblings! Gee, no wonder the VP passes me the list of papers to compile and then telling my admin manager that she leaves the thinking part to me. I bet she had tried to go through the list before!

Okay, anyway aside from that, a little bit of nugget of information...that I think one of the department head, know...what way. If you dont understand what Im trying to's okay! Coz it will put me in a not so deep shit although I dont reveal where I am working exactly as it is against blog etiquette which also prevent me from getting into trouble. But if you do know what Im saying, well....let's just say it's a mere speculation though it is pretty obvious. Yet I have this teeny crush on him from the time I saw him coz basically he's short and not so cheena looking. Yes me and my weird taste in men. And though the rest of my admin staff colleagues like to tease him like he's some friendly guy (though he doesnt seem that friendly with them..but just playing along), nowadays he speaks to me more though not in a friendly chat manner and he calls me by name! Okay so sue me for getting excited easily because my secret wish is to...'please please to me!'..heh..

I tell ya it's his height la! next target is to get a lift in his small yellow car of his. Yes, yellow...and no this is not a typo error.

Haiz, why cant God let me have a crush on someone who is worth being crushed on! Not someone who is a head and a half shorter than me..sans heels...doesnt have greyish hair for someone who is only in his early thirties..and doesnt smoke. Okay how I know he is a smoker, despite being a department head..hrmph...coz when he talked to me once last week (the beginning of a beautiful friendship..hee), his breath reeked of cigarette smoke. I think he did a quick one coz he was tending to something outside the office also, disappeared and came in from the back of the office and then talking to me..swoons.

But after a recent induction with the newbie teachers, I found out department heads get paid quite a lot at the end of the year for the bonus because they have other bonuses on top of that year end one. That means to say...........................

helloooOoooooo new crush!

Im not superficial for nothing.

Thursday, April 03, 2008

Shame on Me

I am in pain...and it's not the pain of having clogged up nose, or the pain of having a drill-like headache, or the pain of being single (okay, there is no pain in that actually..)..but Im having some annoying sharp like pain on my chest. And not to scare you that Im having a mild symptom of heart attack at such a young fragile age, I think it's just the bone on the left side of my chest. Yesterday night, it got so bad that I could hardly lift myself off the mattress after taking a quick nap about 9 something. I think the only way that I could get up is when someone rolls me over and carries me up. And that post is only to be filled up by a caucasian hunk.

Okay I know this is no laughing matter and my health is at stake here since..uhm...this isn't the first time. I got this long history of phobia with seeing the doctor like I have this big problem with them because a) their medicine tastes awful and b) I always have this nagging feeling that they're not convinced that Im sick (er...docophobia?!). If it was my heart, then okay worth seeing the doctor but I think it's just that I strained myself when I was stifling a laugh when my colleague cracked a joke and I had to recompose myself before I unhold the call with a parent..who apparently asked some ridiculous questions. Then it hit me on my chest coz after that there was this sharp annoying pain...which unfortunately, is still lingering as I type this entry out.

So not to freak u people out but it's just a strain on my breastbone which I think you can safely boil down to work stress of trying to cope with new job responsibilities. But of course, my mum as usual blame it on my strange eating habits...and no, it do not include eating like pigeons...and my latest food faze? Eating oatmeal for lunch for three consecutive days to get rid of food related guilt. But in her words, eating food from tin like oats and consecutive days. She was like...'Can you eat properly? Stop thinking of budgeting your money. Already the food at the canteen is so cheap, you can buy but you dont want to buy. You're always eating food from the tin!'

Now if you think Im going to discard my tin of oats're wrong. I know Im envious of those people who are slim and are beautiful and that Im not that body confident. But I dont want to suffer to be like them though I am so inclined to do so. It's just that I think I may have slightly overdone it. My original plan was to have this sorta on alternate days, I eat oatmeal such as Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. But because of some crazy food spree since Thursday, I put myself on a wholemeal diet for three consecutive days.

So, like what I tell myself many times whenever it comes to decision making and that is to stick with the original plan. I know there is such a thing called plan b because not all plans will work accordingly as planned. But the thing is that, my plans usually are well thought out at first and then at a spur of the moment, I decided that it would be better this way or that way and I would be so inclined to change it though it may not necessarily for the better. And then this is when I tell myself to 'stick with the original plan'. Let's just say I am easily influenced so at times, I need to be tough with myself.

Unfortunately, I didnt tell myself to stick with it and so right now, I am suffering a little. Okay a lot if you want to be nasty with me. Im not trying to restrict myself so much but if my body is telling me that Im putting unnecessary pressure on myself, then I should listen to it. When I had a headache last Monday, I thought okay I shall eat the next day and then alternate it with a wholemeal lunch but of course, I put it down to my body 'adjusting' to a rude awakening of non sinful food.

But it also speaks of another eating habit of mine which is to eat a lot for, say...three consecutive days, and then restrict myself for another three days to get rid of the guilt.

So the moral of the story is.....know how to balance. It's okay to be health conscious and it's okay to enjoy once in awhile but there should be some sort of balance. I can break my healthy vow but dont overdo it until a stretch of three days and then restrict myself totally for another three. It gives my body the unnecessary shock treatment.

While I hang my head down in shame, let this be a lesson to me. Do not suffer for the sake of vanity. It's not worth it. I can still try to aim to lose 10kg but the only way to do that, is to do it the right way. And because of what I had done to myself, I was unable to go to the gym as planned today coz of the chest pains. Well, at the very least, I didnt push myself to go exercise when my body is not well coz after some painful lesson back then in the past. At that time, I clearly could not exercise coz I had very bad stomach cramps due to too much acid in my stomach (it's sensitive to vinegar loaded food like chili sauce) but I still went ahead. As a result, I doubled over in pain in the train from the start of my journey till the end and my face was as white as an A4 sized paper.

So yes, bitch what you want about me. I gladly take your criticism coz I needed some tongue lashing to wake me up anyway....

Wednesday, April 02, 2008

April Fooled

Apparently, I had been fooled. I thought I escaped but nOOooo....

I had to be fooled by an article in one of my favourite must read blogs on certain Hollywood stars! Actually, I did think that hey, what if it was an April Fool's joke? Come to think of it, it sounded a bit bizarre. And I was also thinking that come on, surely there is something on this blog that spells April Fool knowing that they write hilarious episode recaps so they must have a sense of humour?

Infact, they did. I read the article again just now and realised that it was slightly longer than usual. And it had the April Fools thingey at the end.


Fooled again!

Oh, and if you're wondering what article it is about, well it was about TR Knight and his bff Katherine Heigl splitting up in the friendship department ever since he has a new boyfriend who is way younger than him. Uhm, this one is no joke. But then again, his boyfriend is I think he was like..'19? problem! As long as he's shaggable..oh..and cute.' Why do you think he would rather be seen with this guy than his previous boyfriends. They must be lacking ah somewhere in the looks department!

Guys. Gay or otherwise.

No Miss Independent

Hrm...apparently Im not in my blogging mode right now but! Knowing me, I somehow can manage to gather a bunch of ramblings..haha..

Mariah got her internet fixed earlier in the night! woohoo! I welcome her to the world of internet! If you dont already know (sheesh...), the internet is my second home...although the toilet would be vying for a close call. I know her frustrations if the internet doesnt work and even though it doesnt often happen to me, if it happens, it feels like my world has just collapsed and Im forced to go through all the possible technicalities to get the damn thing running again. Even if it means tinkering with it in the dead of the night coz I often surf at night.

One of the worst ones I had was when I kinda screwed up something in order to speed up my internet (my bad..) and after a few hours of tinkering with it, I made up my own alternative where I had to think up of a unique IP address in order for the connection to pass through. So uhm, basically my IP address maybe different from another starhub broadband user...heh..though it still gives them authority to disconnect my internet if I didnt pay on time..hrmph. brain hurts from all the geek talk.

Okay I may suck at being independent in real life though most times I really try my best to get rid of the fears. But when the situation calls for it, I am seriously left with no choice but to just trudge ahead. Ya Im talking about work. Oh, and I will never underestimate the teachers who doesnt look like they'll hit a fly but they're so fierce to their students..I can pee in my pants. Like earlier, one p6 teacher who is quite a young Malay girl (I say 'young' coz she's my age..heh..) whom I categorize as a non fly swatter, was fierce with her students and even poking them at their shoulders when they were misbehaving.

Which brings me to one point..I can never become a teacher. But then again, who knows I can. As what I said earlier, when the situation calls for it, I had to. Like just now, I had to take care of the classes that came in for the photography sessions and keep them in order and one class was like..eurgh..blood suckers..coz their teacher was on MC so they were half here and half there. I had to keep shouting at them to line up and I think I just lost a number in my future age.

At first I was struggling coz I had never handled this kind of thing before so I didnt know what was there to do except to call for the classes down..who very much took their time to do so. So my supervisor was have to do have to do yah, clearly..I had to be instructed on what to do and I felt like I had been quite a let down. But after I got the hang of it, Im okay and managed to follow the schedule and finished the phototaking thingey on time single handedly as the rest of my colleagues got back to their work. So much so..when the noise died down (like finally!), my supervisor was, why so quiet..and I said, oh they're done with the phototaking already.

It was quite an experience. I hope you dont mind me rambling quite a lot about my work recently coz as you know, this job is not only new to me but also Im very much new to working in an office indoors. If my colleagues werent so helpful, I would probably die. Every day I learn new things and every day too, I try to lessen my mistakes as well no matter how small they are. Tomorrow will officially mark my 1st month with the job and hrm Im thinking of treating myself to the new.....

Milo Mcflurry?

Im a Milo fan! I cant help it! But it's ice cream Im still considering. Okay, how about...milo ice blended!

Woohoo...bubble tea!

Tuesday, April 01, 2008

Bored Cat

Im bored at work and trying to google some gorgeous guy online....and cant find one....

But instead, I found a picture of this cat which is also the supposed look that Im having right now..


No I mean the cat is cute and not me. I just think he is bored looking like me.

Levi's Commercial

What do you do when you watch a commercial with two good looking guys in it?

You post it on Rahayu's blog..


Food Overkill

I think every day, I will try my best to not make anymore mistakes at work..heh. And please Rahayu...take note of important details like name, class and phone numbers! Anyway, talking about phone numbers, sometimes people can be so freaking rude! I got hung up...three bloody times! There was this one irritating caller dunno call from where....okay I actually I did ask..but what a strange sounding place, calling to ask for a particular teacher and then when I said she's not in the staff room currently, she slammed down the bloody phone! And then again, another person called and apparently from the same place, when I said the same thing again about the teacher, she just hung up like that also! The first one called again like half an hour later and this time I was like asking, does the teacher know her phone number and she said no and later she will give the handphone number and guess what? She bloody hung up on me again!

I told the teacher when I saw her later about the irritating caller and she told me just ignore lah. Yah easy for her to say coz I was the one who had to bear their freaking habit of hanging up! Oh by the way, if people call up the school, which apparently is also my working place, be prepared to often hear my voice on the other line. Apparently, my colleagues had enough of calls already over the years. They were all ignorant but there were times of course they would pick up and I think after that they would be so..eurgh...lazy and I understand why too. I like how one of them, this guy who had been with the school for the last ten years, answered the phone. He didnt bother to check the timetable, just transfer the line and say whoever's name and say 'your call'. Im like..'eh? how the heck he does that without going to the PA system?! Anyway, he did tell me the school often receive a lot of 'nuisance' calls from parents who apparently are too free.

Infact, some are so regular that they know the staff's names and if they go to office, and I come up to them and acknowledge their presence, they will ignore me and would rather wait for another of my colleague to finish attending with another parent. At first Im a bit miffed like hello, I work here too just like how one mumbled under her breath who she could speak to while I was right infront of her. But after awhile, Im like 'whatever..' and even though I think it's rude of them to ignore people just like that in general especially if one tries to offer them help, I take it positively like one less parent to deal with especially the 'regulars'..ha! Anyway they're not worth my time and I would rather attend to those that are not as biased as them.

Well enough of work talk and okay, maybe just squeeze in one bit of info. Later today there will be phototaking for the staff. Im not really looking forward to it coz I still feel like Im not part of the school even though it has been close to one month since I last worked here. Sometimes I feel that if I am posted to a different school which is not Chinese dominated, I may fit in well. But at the same time, I feel that I should feel priviledged coz it's not often that a Malay gets to work in such a Chinese dominated environment and furthermore, if it is Malay dominated like my previous work department, it is not a good thing also. There is a lot of gossiping and busybodies which can be very frustrating especially if they always try to nitpick on other people but they themselves are not that perfect either.

Anyway, eversince I received some money last week, it had been quite a whirlwind especially when it comes to food. It's not that I had not been eating well except for that one period of time the whole week I had to survive on oatmeal for lunch to save money. It's just that I keep buying for my family food coz no matter how cash strapped we are, they still need to eat and telling them they cant eat this or that is like giving them a slap across their face. And I was like telling myself that if I have money, I'll buy this food or that food for myself and apparently I did when I finally get the money.

And then after buying, I hardly eat the whole packet actually and share it with my mum although if it doesnt taste nice or to my mum's preference, she would play cheat and eat like a quarter of it only but said she ate half. And then after three long days, and spending almost $150 mainly on food and groceries, and although I share my food (like half a doughnut or half a peanut pancake) or what, I think my body is not accustomed to an array of food day after day...haha. Like for example, I usually limit rice up to three times a week only all this time but I went a wee bit past the quota so it felt like I had more than enough.

Yesterday, the thought of eating make me feel that Im pretty tired of it. So yes my friend, it's back to a wholemeal diet for both lunch and dinner and this time, it's not the case of being broke. I think it just needs to rest for a bit and I shall expect a bit of side effects like headache before starting to eat so called normal food, though still trying to be healthier, or I will start to feel nauseous again such as this totally 'eurgh...' feeling.

Dont get me wrong now..I love me food and Im not one of those diet-centric people despite trying to stay healthier and all that shit because Im still trying to lose weight. But like I've said before, there is a time for me to enjoy and a time for me to be disciplined all for the sake of health. Actually, to me it's a good thing coz I get to enjoy food better coz you tend to appreciate food especially those that you hardly eat making it a more enjoyable experience.

That means to say............

I want me Ramen!! And I want me Spaghetti!

I think I may have recovered from my nauseousness pretty fast already.

Long Weekend, A Little Rambling & My Lack of Gratitude

The day I discover IG filters It's almost mid week to August..argh. I am in the midst of a long weekend, which sadly will come to ...