Wednesday, May 30, 2007

barbeque picture

My mum just asked me if my hair has grown thicker...and it was tied up just now. Well, I have uber sensitive hair that needs care and loving like the owner who couldnt be bothered with anything else unless they have gorgeous biceps. And! Would you believe it can throw a 'tantrum' by giving me completely lifeless hair even though I just washed my hair that morning but with a different shampoo coz my body shop anti dandruff ginger shampoo ran out. And that replacement shampoo was WAY more expensive! Oh, I and I have to watch the timing for the other hair products as well like the conditioner and the hair mask. If it's too long or too short for either one, wah thats it..it will be equivalent to me wasting my time washing my hair coz there will not be ANY different.
Anyway...remember I was saying I went to a bbq party recently? Yup, heres a shot. I didnt bring my camera..forgot to charge..hee. Thank goodness for Mariahs cameraphone..ahem..new cameraphone...with sony cybershot no less..and a very big thank U to rahayupopz for having mastered her photoshop skills..
Here are the pics..(notice the plural usage)..























Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Sleeping Typing

Man...I dont believe Im saying this but...I miss sleeping in the room during the attachment at poly! Sigh..and yesterday was the last day. Tomorrow dont know if i have the 'priviledge' to do the same thing again coz there will be someone else there. Drats..I don feel like deleting all 50 songs that I downloaded into the computer for some easy listening pleasure in between work..like what if I come back even for half a day? I am so gonna miss my solitude moments and hello to noisy little brats..


Well, today have to go back office for one whole freaking day of data entry coz you know why? They said I type fast enough..what lousy excuse to cover up for their freaking lazy asses. To them, it's a no brainer job coz they're f**kin' leaders and co leaders so this is not their job. Like hello? Even the boss on top of your f**kin' heads help to key in the reply slips from the optometrists k assholes..Their main job in the office is to call up the schools, do some co ordinations and wait for them to fax over the class lists. In between can help also what. Currently there is only one person doing the entry. There is another admin clerk..but lets just say..she's better in the non existent mode. Talk only..but work..Zilch!


But coz the admin clerk is such a nice girl..I don mind helping her. Plus I like typing so thats a bit of a bonus..


Hey, wanna try something? Want to know wat is your typing speed?....


speed typing


But! I have to warn you..once is enough..you want to try again..can...but ah, happy typing...bwahahahaha! Eh tiring leh..dunno what paragraph they ask you to type. It's horrigible!

Monday, May 28, 2007

Great Diet Tips

I came across this video..this is the quick version of diet tips. The other one is 11 minutes long. More detailed but more or less the same thing. No it's not some fad hollywood crazed diet but just sensible eating and exercise plan. There is also useful website about nutrition and can be used as tips on how to aid weight loss through sensible eating and you also know more about the food you eat like what kind of nutrients they provide for your body.

http://www.videojug.com/film/quick-tips-on-dieting

http://www.bbc.co.uk/health/healthy_living/your_weight/


I was watching this video about how to wear heels and this was at a sidebar. Jz curious like now what..no carbs diet? the newly revamped atkins diet? the 'i-want-to-look-like-nicole-richie' diet? But as I watched it, turned out to be interesting. It's actually a no brainer but seriously, it is easier said than done but worth a try. I am not the best advisor around so this is the best I can give when it comes to healthy living. Oh, and you know what is the best bit about the video? That we can actually reward ourselves with a chocolate bar or our favourite snackie...just dont OD on it to make up for every single day you denied yourself of chocolates..bwhahahaha!..


Oh, if you live in Singapore and watch the Suria channel, Suhaimi Yusof, the once rolly polly guy who has successfully lost weight, is the proud spokesperson for healthy living among the Malay community. I think he's doing a great job even though it is such a looming task. But it's better to do something to help the community rather than seeing more and more of our people getting into serious health problems mainly because of their diet. Once these problems have settled, it is very hard to reverse the order so it is better to play safe than sorry later because medical treatment dont come in cheap. Right now he's teaching the healthier way of eating food from food courts and hawker centres. More vegetable choices and less gravy to cut down on the oil. Good tip. But, I think he can afford to squeeze in more tips in that short span of time but let's see how it goes. Maybe it's just part one or something. Besides, it is better to take baby steps than to just jump onto the bandwagon.


Happy healthy lifestyling!

Sunday, May 27, 2007

Gadget Geek

Wow...now I have upgraded myself from being an amateur computer geek..to...a gadget geek. Like why cant I be the next trendsetter or something..gah!! Okay, why this wail of nonsense..uhm..I just repaired my mp3 player which was not in working order for the last two weeks because I cannot take it anymore! Well, I converted my phone into a temporary mp3 player but everytime my mum calls..at times like 5 in an hour..and I had to plug out tat damn earphone..arggh! It's insanity I tell ya! I'll be imagining myself singing the song in a music video and only to have it cut short by mum's calls to check out my location the minute I step in and out of the train station and the bus so on and so forth after signing off from work. You know..her ability to judge my time is very the scary..


So there I was trying out the mp3 player again and yet the same prob crops out where even the reset button failed to work and my computer could not even detect it. That's it..out goes my set of screwdrivers (yes I have my own set..) and took the right size for the screws and tried my best to slowly pry open the shell. I figured out that the only way to set it working is not to reconfigure the wires and what have it..but rather..my thought was that maybe the battery had been knocked out of the circuit board a bit. When I finally got behind the shell, didnt seem out of the ordinary but still holding on to that thought, I pressed the battery hard and also found that the sides where this thin metallic tray that hold the battery seemed to be a bit bent out. It was soft enough for me to press down the bits of tray at the sides so that it would meet the sides of the battery and everything seemed evened out now. There was only one tiny wire at the top and I was pressing that bit too in case the wire was a bit loose.


It was the best that I could do without further damaging the damage done. I tried to reconnect it to the computer with the wire before putting on the shell yet..and guess what? I finally saw that the computer had accepted it and the power icon appeared. WOOHOOO!!!!! I checked out the internal drive and all my files were in it but the battery power was so weak I could not check on it so had to wait for the next half hour to test it out again. And it can work!!!!


So I screwed the shell back and had a big grin across my face. Then it strucked me. Im a total geek! And yesterday I was denying this fact when Natasha was asking if I could help her upload the photos from her digicam coz she didnt know how to do it. And uhm..that camera was bought the beginning of last year and until now she had no idea about it coz she was hoping I could teach her. Well nats..yesterday, this whole geek affair thing didnt go out with my outfit. Although..I must say..i'd rather be called a geek than a slut.


Anyway, this isnt the first gadget I've ever repaired. But let's stick to just one genre of geekness shall we? Welcome back my darling mp3 player aka MrsJensen!


Beefy Stevey

Do you believe that guys' muscles do deflate a bit over the years? Okay Im not into those HUGe bulging muscles from hours of working out at the gym on a daily basis..na-uh. Im talking subtle..but still..hubba hubba. I watched this movie where oof..this guys' muscles..he had this sweet innocent face that you just want to cradle in your hand but fuyoh, at the same time maybe I'll be busy gripping his arms as a form of consoling him. But that movie was from 2003 when he was 23 years old. Now, four years later..well his form is still somewhat there but alamak! Apa da jadi? Where's your gorgeous biceps?







Okaylah..maybe he is too busy studying and doing theatre that his time for gym is affected. He's a harvard cum laude graduate..I dunno what the heck that last bit meant but sounds intelligent.

His name is steve sandvoss by the way..

Saturday Gathering

Guess what. I had just finished eating after midnight...a green apple and drinking plain water *yawns*...and you will never guess what I had just now? Oh....just the usual barbequed food..satay..otak otak..chicken wings...hotdogs..and nat's mum's noodles. I know I gorged on the barbequed (hello..I paid a huge share there..) food because my healthy living lifestyle has taken a break..hahaha..Heck, I think these people eat like mouse like okay..so not worth the money! Heh, am taking a dig at them. But basically now Im back to square one again..*yawns*...


Good thing I've got a companion...'hi mariah!' and we were like on the swing..watching an x rated video clip (oh.my.gawd...yes..oh.my.gawd). For once, they were not two men..if you know what I often watch...bwahahaha!! Shh..


Seriously, Mariah was right..it was gravity defying! It was worse than azam plonking himself beside me all of a sudden and the swing was not able to..er..swing as fast as before. Besides 'oh what big d**k he has!'....it was 'ouch!' Man, he was at it like some kind of lumberjack drilling a nail into a small hole on repeat mode. Now you know Mariah's secret hobby..she's into heterosexual hot videos thingey...and people actually encourage heterosexual relationships because they're healthier....sheesh..like what..for video taping purposes?! But....................it was hot although it was hard for me to watch being used to watching family friendly dramas and movies with a happy ending and good moral lessons for all of us to learn and incorporate into our everyday living.


Wait. Im seriously off track here..haha..I was supposed to talk about the gathering! Well, everyone turned up except Syafiq. That one...is like Dennis for once saying that some other guy is more good looking than him..a.k.a...impossible! Well, anyway judging from his track record, it is not something out of the ordinary knowing the nature of his job. And his brain.


Well, I dont have much to say about the gathering. But nats was a great hostess even though this gathering was meant to be for everyone including her. I tried to help but...was 'accused' of trying to act coy with Louis who is Precilla's husband. Yes, whats up with me with people's husbands! Do I have the word 'scandalous' across my forehead? Maybe it's my hair..surprisingly well behaved. Even my face didnt look like it kena langgar lorry coz I score low points when it comes to taking care of my skin..heh..So now what. I cant wear boat neck tops and grow my hair long any longer? And Im not even the one in the cleavage baring top!


I dunno..if you ask me...I can 'take' it like initially but if it dragged on and on, somehow it became a tiring affair that i had to move away and enjoy my food on the swing. I came with an open mind knowing that I would be accused of being flirtatious among the guys there even though I didn't do anything or what. But it's just them finding the topic of the night thingey..haha..but I am on friendly terms already with Louis and Noah coz I used to try to talk to them when they first joined especially when they felt a bit left out coz you know..them being the 'outsiders' among the group of ex classmates..but NooOOoo..rahayu had to be the one who started the ball rolling first!



Maybe my skin has grown thicker or what...that Precilla's supposedly harsh remark towards me didnt prick me. Like how she called me a slut just like the one on tv (ouch, right?) as if I moved my hand up her husband's thigh or something. That was not the only thing she said about me. I was not even talking to Siti's husband and please lah, I know where I stand. And grow up lah. We're adults in our mid twenties already. Some things are seriously outdated. Like, what gives? If Louis was not such a nice guy, I would be remarking..'pfft...oh please..if im such a slut, I wont even consider him'... Insecured bitch. That remark was totally off key and if I want sensationalism, I wouldn't even want to be at this lame gathering let alone be around her.



Like come on, men will always be men whether they are married or not or whether you think you look great or not. Basically, coz they're men...they have the right to look at women whether or not we like it as it is a sign of their manhood. If not, they're gays. Okay, if you think that Im supporting them or something and that they have all the f**kin right to look at women, that opinion didn't come from me. That bugger said so to me once. Yes, the self proclaimed MBA guy..married but available. See how delusional he is?


Im glad that some others still treated me the same like an old buddy of theirs talking and sharing our life stories. Min, as usual, a fashionista and seriously Min, I reaaaaaaally like your grey top (,^^) and it was nice to see mariah all jovial and making me feel like it was worth my trip coming to this gathering. And thanks Mariah for backing me up and not seeing me in the same light as them coz you know..only Dennis makes my day..bwahahaha!!! See lah..Im this close to joining his fan club! OH.Gawd.


Dont get me wrong. Im not being all hypersensitive over this minute..like a speck of dust..issue. I dont know if the comments given by Louis and Azam to me were sincere or they were merely acting along the line of 'I should play along with rahayu's scandalous reputation' thingey because they had been at it for some time..especially Azam. If they were not sincere, Im so over being the butt of jokes of these people. Trust me, I was not there to attract attention. I no longer craved for attention from them to accept me into this group like how i used to because now they were merely like acquintances to me. But I still accept them with thanks.


Okaylah, whatever it is.....I enjoyed myself more than the previous times that we used to go out quite often together. Funny thing is..it was not because I got to see them. Like I said..I came with an open mind and I am not going to belittle myself. To myself, I think I passed.


Right...


But I still think the credits should go to Nats. As usual, you are always the best organiser and hostess among us. And as a friend too..thanks for the lift. Mariah for being the saviour of the night for me..haha..and Sherry for being..err..her nice friendly self to me. Thanks people..

Thursday, May 24, 2007

Monopoly Token

I've been feeling so unfit...two weeks of not going to the gym and having my ass stuck on to the big comfy swivel chair from morning until evening almost everyday..well...it felt like I have this whole ring of new 'cushion' round my waistline. Apparently I did not gain weight which I thought I did coz it felt that way. I even had two big meals..one at Seoul Garden and two weeks later..at Breeks..over the weekend but that made me watch what I eat over there coz I know I wont be able to move around much and gym is not like a few steps away from office or what. Still, I felt that 'cushion' feeling. Very the odd and my confidence level apparently went for a nose dive too even though time and time again I remind myself not to be feel that way. But I just cant shrug it off.


But it's true what they say in the magazines. If you have a period of rest for even a few days, your body will start to feel a tad bit sluggish and if you're bulking up on muscles, after a long while, it would feel like gravity is doing no justice to your body. Imagine two weeks..i know if one month..tat one is asking for trouble. *shudder* I remembered that in 2005 around my birthday time.


So now, it's pay back time. Im able to go back office just now in the afternoon and tomorrow too. Great to work out all over again at the gym. It felt great just being there for five minute until my nemesis came in and want to use the cross trainer. Alah..disturb only. But I was being nice and let her use first. She was taken aback..yah apparently me too..and I said she could go on the treadmill first. But i managed to get back to it and she kept her promise as well of sticking to twenty minutes on it even though I could not afford to stop my exercising over at the treadmill just yet. I dunno...Im not so driven in real life. But when it comes to these machines, 45 minutes mean 45 minutes on the treadmill without missing a beat. If only I can apply that same principle in my own life. Well, tomorrow I will have another go at two machines. It will be just nice for the coming chalet this Saturday coz I dont want to feel all 'unfit' that night..like of all the time. It's not for the sake of praising but a feel good factor in myself so I can stuff myself in the face without any guilt. Yup, the wrong kind of principle in life that I actually applied in real life.


Oh, me went outfield and saw D. A quickie about D. Yup, I saw him just now and I was nervous like would I make a blunder and then start talking gibberish or what..I dunno...But I just sat down there waiting for him with the actual member of the team and I thought I'd just say 'hi' or what..no biggie..and it's dumb-free as well. And guess what. The minute the bugger saw me when he entered..(hrm..apparently he can recognise me from behind my back as well..impressive) and I heard him saying..eh..what are you doing here. Wow..that's a nice intro there. I turned back and looked at him but he was not even looking at me but was taking off his shoes and the minute he entered, he was like 'if i knew you're here, I wont come at all.' WEi! Like..can you be nice to me for once?!


I was merely taken aback with his no batting of eyelids or serious face kind of teasing like he meant what he said sort of look. When I tried to say something back, he wont be looking at me like he would treat it as if he had 'defeated' me so there is no point for him to hear what I had to say back. He would pretend he didnt hear anything unless I made my point loud and clear for his ears. Seriously LOUD and clear..the nerves..


This is just the beginning. You know I wanted to start afresh this time around like you know..not be so flirty or what or treat him more like a colleague than a friend by being more professional to avoid any darn gossips. Furthermore, he has to be answerable to me next June since I will be in charge of my team. Oh no..looks like God's effort to 'tame' me by putting me in the clinic..termed as jail by you-know-who..may not be such a good idea. I mean..you dont expect me to take things smack down if he starts his round of 'i feel like bullying rahayu.hrm..what should I say now?' thingey?!! Like how dare he treated me like some monopoly token..just out of jail and for how long they let me out of the jail. I said not long coz i requested to go back there after I see you. And by the way it's not jail but heaven coz I cant 'stand' someone here..Yeah..pfft..finally he felt defeated but knowing him, he would take it seriously initially until I had to say no..im just kidding..didnt know you're so easy. And HE thought I am easily angered by his jokes. Geez..


Well bugger..whatever 'greeting' you throw at me just now...and hello to you too..sheesh..it will be one more week before I start seeing you on a regular basis now. And please God..give me strength..to endure his OTT ego.

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

Shameless Begging

OH my....someone is so freaking upset that she has been sent to another cluster instead where D is not the driver and apparently, this news was given to him by her with a heavy heart...Awwww....*sniggering*..


Where else for me..I'll get to be the leader next month so that means D will have to contact me or vice versa for him to pick up the equipments. And since next month is the holidays, we will be going mostly to childcare centres so that means to say I get to see D almost everyday coz..usually we are there for half a day only. WOoOOHooo!! Wow...next week will be the last of my attachment already.


Oh gawd. I feel like a squealing pre-pubescent idolising after some beyond reach superstar or something. I hope this overenthusiastic feeling will die down soon once I begin back my field attachment and I will be in the right state of mind already. And I will start gagging one more time everytime someone mention what a handsome driver he is. That will signal..'it's good to finally be back..and touch ground level!' By the way..apparently, I got a visiting colleague just now coz she wanted to see how I work so she can take over next month onwards. In the mrt, she was saying about this colleague of ours was very upset could not sleep every night coz she was thinking about how far she had to travel. I think that's the least of her problem considering how she can be early and travel to Ang Mo Kio, Toa Payoh and Bishan in time from her home in Buona Vista. And going to the West area..where it's much nearer and she's complaining about that?! Chey, she's just upset she wont get to see Dennis anymore..bwhahahaha! Come on..we're not stupid. Even that colleague suspects so and she's like giving this smirk look to me that she knows it's more than that. Well hello? She's even doing the countdown to D Day she wont be seeing Dennis anymore..how obvious can that get?


By the way, that same colleague also said that some principal or school staff..I dunno..apparently i know she's just a gatal woman..commented to her saying like wah..they send such a handsome driver over to collect the equipments. And my colleague joked by remarking to him that his head will grow so big that he will topple over just trying to carry it..hahahaaha!! I told you all to watch his head! But cant blame them this time..coz this comment was made by an outsider. So yes D..you're hot among the aunties lah..just face it.



Haiz..apparently there will be so many changes to team configurations and there will be an extra team also. So that guy I think a bit the stressed out already..but anyway who cares about him now. Like what I often say to him..'uhm..so? not my problem..' whenever he begged..yes..shamelessly begging..if we can try to finish up our work by this so and so time so he will be able to collect from the rest of the teams at one go instead of having to wait for a period of time before the next collection. Even resorted to offering a kiss from him..or the phone number of an eligible bachelor who appeared in the cleo magazine (and a stud as well..) who was an ex classmate of his. Shameless I tell ya..shameless! I hope the aunties whip him up good in this one month so he doesnt have to stoop that low again..heh..although I wouldnt mind that phone number though..


Okay I know..we come from the same shameless mould so hence the 'we can get along well' thingey..hrmph..eligible bachelor k?! dont play play! tsk..shameless woman. Let's just see how things go next month along with me working with a new girl. Wow..let's whip this girl to shape with my hardcore tactics! yeah right..dunno who whips who first later..

Mummy's Compliments

Know what..

If there's little quirks people dont notice about me..usually..my mum does. She's been harping about my big nose my entire life and okay..so Im not the conventional beauty sort in comparison to the other malay 'beauties' in my age group parading their little freaking nose and petite bods in the whole of Singapore. I've come to accept that a long long time ago so it's not a wonder if Im not a head turner or what being in the public. Im okay. Too much attention is not good either.


While people may compliment me..whether about my hair..or the top Im wearing..whatever lah..my mum will do the complete opposite. Besides the big ol' nose thingey, she would rather want me to have short hair, thinks that my hair is thinning..and would usually be the only one who notices if I put on weight. And then being stuck in the clinic which means that I dont get to go out and walk around outside and have the tendency to sit throughout the day.


So now..being stuck again..my mother out of nowhere sitting outside in the living room and me in the bedroom, noticed that my hip is a bit bigger and asked if Im putting on weight and going bigger again. Gasp..wh-what?!! She asked if I made an effort to go out and walk during lunch. I said no..sheepishly...but at least I watched what I ate and after lunch..didnt eat until the next six hours until upon reaching home later to eat my favourite bread with skippy peanut butter spread. The two times I ate more than my usual was two weeks ago at Seoul Garden and just last Saturday at Breeks. Still, she told me not good enough..coz Im sitting most time so I should walk. But I was like..tsk..it's boring and there's nothing to see there! Man...I have like two more weeks to go and then bam! It's outfield duty again..and it's back to travelling and I dunno...try to lose what extra hip fats 'that -I -dont- notice- but- she apparently- does' thingey. Heck, the only exercises I have been getting is going up and down the overhead bridge twice in the morning and once in the evening. Lousy..


If you want to know a quick fact about my mum, why she doesnt often praise me..is because she doesnt want me to become big headed or what. Well........that's not true! I er..wont! So thats why you wont hear her saying things like Im pretty or what..pfft..


What to do. Anyway, I kicked off the lunch plan today and it went okay. But coz I didnt eat my usual fare of bread bought from the bakery opposite or the cafeteria downstairs, there's a bit of 'I need more' craving but had to remind myself that girl, you sit down on this big comfy chair the whole day! And lifting the legs to place it on the other comfy chair and take a quick snooze during lunch sit-in do not count as exercise!


So you see my dilemma here and how my mum has the tendency to rub it in at the wrong time! I told her my weight is the same and infact, i even lost the extra kilo I put on prior to the clinic attachment. But that doesnt seem good enough. She hates me talking about anything to do with my weight...coz it reminds her of my aunt who always ask her if she's fair coz she takes dunno what facial or beauty products to make her fairer. Even my dad gave me a quick lecture..but not the scolding kind but a gentle reminder sort..to just look at the mirror and I can see for myself if I need to do something about my body and not to ask people's opinions coz they may not like it. See..why cant my mum has the same sort of sensitivity as my dad?! Well, what to do..she's forever blunt in her opinions but regret big time later if she happened to say something and the person may be offended. Oh..that person..can jolly well be me too!!


Okaylah, at least she jolts me out of my comfort zone a bit or take out anything that Im trying to hide and make me confront them head on. So sometimes, my mum isn't entirely a control freak but she does have her point sometimes. You know what...although it is rare for her to compliment me (diss me yes..), if she does compliment me which is all the time indirect, I prefer being complimented by her than anybody else. The other time I think I did mention about her saying my hair looks thicker now..now I take it as 'did she just say that?!' at first but then thought that she's actually complimenting that my hair looks nicer. Well, typical mum always look up and down her daughter to see if there is anything wrong.


Anyway, I still thank her for that honest remark from her. Cant blame her for being so nitty gritty over things beyond my notice. She has after all seen the most changes from me being a small crying baby until in my adulthood now compared to anybody. She has seen me grown up...blossomed (by saying I got big boobs for example)...and above all, mum knows best. Haiz, I missed her saying that I should eat rice when Im out on field duty by calling me up during lunch hour to check out if I really do. Even if I say I ate rice already the day before so Im eating bee hoon, I can imagine her rolling her eyes before she will say something like bee hoon doesnt give me energy like rice does.



And so now rahayu..is officially freaked out by her last comment just and now...

Monday, May 21, 2007

I will see D!

Know what...

I just read a past entry from..get this..September 2005. Oh.My.Gawd. I didn't know I have the comic in me. And if you think that my entries are pretty long..heh..you should visit that period of time. I can say one thing though: Happy reading! That means to say..good luck..if you survive reading at least half of it. I was actually being joyous for finally being able to fit into a pair of jeans for my birthday that time when I treated my former classmates at breeks. Before that, the last pair of jeans that could actually fit me was waaaaayy back in secondary school. Ever since then, I could not fit into it and I felt very very very paranoid. Then that time, I had been trying to go to the gym for the last three months but unfortunately, fel ill later just one month before my birthday which sucked coz I quickly gained back the weight I had been trying my best to reduce. Yup, all uhm..three kilos of it. Yes I know it sounds pathetic enough for someone who tried to fit in gym three times at week coz I was freakin determined only to gain back that three plus an additional two. However, I managed to lose back that one kilo just in time for my bdae. Oh well, at that point of time, I would be happy to even lose half a kilo! It was enough to put a smile on my face!


But here's a tip: if you're starting your weight loss regime, do it at a pace you're comfortable with or you'll end up with a sick body coz it went through a 'shock'.


Coming forward to the future, well...I wouldnt say I have changed much or I'd rather not comment coz I dont want to act all proud or something. Still, it is unbelievable enough that last month marked my so called two year anniversary from the first time I visited the gym. And I was inches close to giving up already coz I was about to succumb to my fate that I am destined not to lose weight at all. But now..it's become part of my twice weekly routine even though I had to give it a miss these past two weeks which is the longest due to illness and my clinic attachment. But this week...Im back..although still pretty much attached to the clinic, but due to low number of appointments, I am required to come back for field duty on Thursday and on Friday afternoon. WOohoo!! So gymbo... (my nickname for the office gym)...here I come! No more of that weird stares or me being asked 'didnt see you at the gym' from people I dont even talk to in the gym..heh..when I came back last Thursday in the morning to settle some stuffs before making my way back to the polyclinic at Marsiling.


Speaking of which.........that means to say..I am able to see Dennis this Thursday..twice some more coz that day is downloading day so he has to make his way to office in the late afternoon also to collect back the laptops..double woohoo!! *chanting*....Dennis..Dennis..Dennis..I hope he does his previous usual routine of calling me or sms-ing to ask if the rest are ready for his collection. Aaaah....the good ol' memories..like what..less than one month ago?! bwahahahah...but it felt like forever! I did see him for a quickie bit last thursday although I could only manage a spastic frantic wave at him giving him a shocker since he didnt expect to see me. But I was a bit of a loss for words..like I guess I was not used to not seeing him for a rather long period of time. Heck, last time I even wished the weekend would hurry up so I can see him on Monday..IF..I am early enough to wake up and see him send the equipment. But err..usually no lah..coz Im often late which is often the brunt of his taunting when he had that bit of free time before his next delivery to the dental.


I miss that egoistic guy...err...as a friend..no more.

Sunday, May 20, 2007

Planning Ahead

hello!

well i treated mariah out yesterday. went a bit overbudget but it's okay i guess. i wanted to eat this prawn dunno what pasta but they changed the menu already so bummer...the one that had white sauce but comes with seafood cost me 14 dollars and to think I dont even eat fish. As health conscious as I try to be..Im not just 'big' on fish..heh..lousy. It was not what I wanted. But heck, since I wanted white sauce so much and it's definitely gonna be MONTHS ahead till my next breeks meal (if there is such an opportunity..)..oh what the hey. And to top it all off, I got myself a mango top which i have been harbouring such thoughts for months, but due to way too much distractions in between, I could not get one. So, finally I got myself a nice cute top in grey no less..which I had always wanted and it was going for 15 bucks only. I thought of getting one in blue but no rahayu.....dont count your luck so soon.


I've been watching my money outflow for the past one week because like what I said, it's always good to forsee our future purchases or use of money. It's not just a matter of 'oh okay, I'll get this pair of shoes for only..so and so..' and then the next thing, I could have used that so and so amount of money for something else which I had forgotten about like for example, to get myself a body shop shampoo instead which conveniently run out at the last minute. Okay, not really..it's something that i may have noticed but not taken note of and then got something else instead.


This time, I try not to make the boo hoo I made last month so now I have to try to think ahead. This week itself, I have to watch my budget again because my brother's birthday is coming up and he had asked for a treat at pizza hut. So this week's lunch, uhm.....let's just say....they have been pre packaged and will be placed at my room in the clinic the next day. I try not to look miserable as I eat and drink them.


But at least I dont have to eat the bread with mushroom slices on top some random days bought from the bakery opposite just coz it's healthier than others with chicken hotdogs or chicken ham. Before you get shocked, this is a halal bakery so no biggo there. Or at times, i will eat the wholemeal sandwich bought from the mini cafe of the polyclinic. But my lunch for this week, though it's simpler, I am actually okay with it coz..it's complete guilt free AND....it gives me energy. I am not able to eat rice during lunch during this attachment even though I think it is good that the coffee shop opposite this poly...it's one of the rare malay stores that sell a variety of vegetable dishes rather than just the typical oily dishes. Know why? Coz I have to meet parents and they dont want a half asleep temp cousellor telling them stuffs about their children's eye conditions! IF I can get a word out about it..or start rambling nonsense.


Anyway, I have the tendency to plan what I eat ahead of times, even for one week if there is an impending lunch date or dinner date with my friends or my family. And then, if I eat a lot on a particular day like maybe out with my friend or dinner with my family out of home, I will also be selective of what I eat the next few days also.

Haiz, lunch has to be planned yet again this week coz anyway...there is quite a lot to eat during the gathering at Nat's house this coming Saturday and my brother's birthday on Friday. So you know..it's back to the drawing board again. Hello wheat crackers and milo. Great. I just revealed my lunch. Dinner is as per usual lah..two slices of wholemeal bread and a green apple. And only coz I get to top it up with nutella and crunchy skippy peanut butter. Yeah..pfft...health conscious my ass. Well at least I dont smother the slices..and my face with it....like nobody's business.


No, I am not trying to be the next Nicole Richie. In case you notice, I eat. She doesnt. I told Mariah that we're gonna come there with a bang! And I dont mean just being fashionably late. That will never work for me. Late yes..fashionable? Never...coz I dont have that sort of potential..hehe..And Im not trying to show off anything..like yah what..my boobies?? We're gonna be there looking good in what we're wearing and radiant coz if you eat right, you literally glow so we will feel good as well..and THEN..stuff our faces with the food..WHILE..looking good..heh. This is why I can never be anyone's advisor when it comes to healthy eating. I give wrong advice!


But one thing Im gonna be really shy shy about is...their reactions as you know...has been a year since we last met..unbelievable..we're not talking months here! Some..well..okaylah..months..but whatever it is, there is a huge tendency people like to compare and contrast. One obvious thing is of course..me..with longer hair...haha..woohoo! NO more of that miserable short freakin bobs or short hair that makes me look like I have two buns for cheeks. Right.....like how many more buns can I afford to have. PHysically, hrm..I will most prob be wearing a black boat neck top so if you're in black, there isn't much to see coz like in the first place, what figure can you see in black. It's not a LBD or little black dress.



Haiz, so many things to prepare! The top is gonna be a wee bit fitting coz it's supposed to be free size but you know the deal with free size..it hugs your figure whatever shape you are! So I'll my best not to look 'bloated' that day..haha..

And the countdown begins.

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

True Single

Okay...me and my big mouth..now have to write about the real perspective...of being a single woman.


Well, I dont like to make this an issue or something..coz in the first place, it isnt an issue after all. But time and time again, I read about articles that singlehood is fun..woohoo! more freedom..woohoo! no guys to report to..woohoo! The people who write this kind of articles..they give me the impression that they are trying to tide over their past relationship by diving head on into singlehood without properly understanding that being single doesnt necessarily equate to a lifetime pursuit of forgotten happiness. And you know what? Once they start hopping on the bandwagon of a newfound relationship, they forgot what's it like being a single and they start becoming like a lovesick puppy who forget to spare some 'me' time for themselves.


For myself, there is pros and cons to everything..whether you're a single or attached. I mean..pfft..for all you know..you can even be both...unknowingly. You're not a loser if you're a single. Yah, okay..we dont get to talk on the phone till late nights with the special one..we dont get to go on frequent dates with the special one...and if he's good looking, we dont have that special one to just stare and stare at his freakin face while he's talking even though you dont understand a shit he's talking about. It's called...'im infatuated with him' stare. Oh, did I mention if let's say you go to a bbq party held by your ex schoolmates or a gathering with your colleagues, you come alone instead of a pair?


SUcks isn't it? Dont let me get started on getting free gifts from 'the one'.


But seriously, of course it will suck if you keep thinking that way. YOu want to know what I see all of this as? I see this..as a sign..that we need to get a life. Seriously. For myself, I dont see a relationship being all peachy or rosy. The way I see relationships..as well as singlehood...they're both pretty much on par with each other because we can learn a lot from them. Heck, we can even learn about other people whether they are in love..out of love..or..not in love...like yours truly for example.


I used to think back then in my late teens and my early twenties that no guy will look my way coz I dress like a frumpy auntie. Im also big sized..like thrice the size of my colleagues or friends my age who were very much attached and in lurve so my confidence wasn't that high in getting a boyfriend. I didnt blame guys if they didnt try to pursuit me coz I know we're all shallow deep down inside. Heck, even at that size..I just loved looking at the better looking ang mohs and wish Im dating them or something. Chinese guys?? Pfft......they were not THAT important. Yet.


But as I age..as in..approaching my mid twenties (Im not that old..), I realise that there are better things in life and that if I want someone to love me, I must first start loving myself. That means taking good care of myself, building my self confidence, do something about my friggin' hair...and dress up better. As I started to love myself slowly, I began not think so much on why I lack a social life with at least 50% of them being guys. Infact, when I see guys looking at some pretty and slim girls at one corner..and then darting their eyes to another corner for yet another bevy of beauties, I dont feel like im losing out. Infact to me, they're lame-Os and I dont want to be their subject of adoration. Seriously, I can easily find guys like that anywhere..but a guy who is willing to surpass my weaknesses or my bad hair days (which to me..is like almost every day) or my 'couldnt-be-bothered-with-trends' fashion style, and talk to me like a best friend, well...that's hard to come by.


Seriously, Im not the type who can easily get along with guys and talk to them casually like talking to a girl pal..unless of course they look like a girl, but that's another story. Guys themselves take time to get to know me even on a friendship level coz they thought Im just so shy of them. But slowly, if they think we're worth getting to know better and that they're not the type who rate you based on looks, it can be fun getting to know the opposite sex as good friends. Based on my past experiences, like my lovable friend Az*m who always seem to know if Im having some personal problem especially when I used to frequently be easily depressed by my own personal nemesis.


I learn that it's okay to be shy initially but if we want to get to know guys better in general, we have to slowly let ourselves loose a bit. I try to loosen up by not thinking about what the guy thinks about me or do I look stupid in this outfit or what..I mean..just relax and then learn to be friendly and slowly they'll catch on once they find that you're nice to talk to.


Anyway, my point is...I realise that it is not so much important to have that one single guy as a main squeeze but to have many coz...fooh..that's a gift! Okay! Just kidding. What I meant to say is that..I use this opportunity, as a single, to get to know guys better in general even if I have yet to hook on to one yet. It's interesting as well because you get an insight into what they are really like and what they think about girls in general..or even specific girls...if you bother to go into nitty gritty details. Like the other time, I asked D what he thought about the looks of an ex colleague of mine in a photo. She's often criticizing other girls' looks and spending so much money on herself and apparently had left her husband for a younger better looking guy as well. His take? No comments on her looks. Come on, at least credit her like you know..an average looker or something but no comments?! But it's interesting though...


Then, sometimes...while a boyfriend can give you an opinion that matters to him only coz obviously he doesnt want others to pursuit you as well, a guy friend may give an opinion that matters to guys in general. He may think that you look better with longer hair than a shorter one or that your loud mouth can make you the last person a guy wanna go out with. Or that the size of boobs dont matter so dont be paranoid and be the next Pam Anderson. Unless of course that guy friend of yours is into big boobs.


But dont get me wrong here. Im not promoting singlehood here. Even if I am in a relationship I wont promote it. But, whatever it is, I just want to make the best of each one. So I try not to fret about it on not meeting the kind of guy that sets my heart a fluttering. I just continue to improve on my well being, build on my strengths, do something about my weaknesses just like an actress who conditions herself and takes lessons to become a better actress and in the process gets very good offers. If we dont put in efforts or show the world what we are really made of, it can be a major turn off. Especially to guys. So wipe that desperate look off your face, dust yourself and tell yourself that you deserve a better man. And that man? Deserves you more than anyone else..


So.....dont be a fakie and lying straight up to yourself that singlehood is DA best of all and screw all those women who are in lurve. So the question now becomes...do we deserve the kind of love and affection that we so longingly want our future love to provide us? Or we're just hoping to be the receiving end and not the giving kind? It takes two hands to clap you know. I am picking up a lot of lessons from others in relationship and unfortunately, also become an aunt agony of sorts to them as well because if you're not in love, they have a mentality that you can think more logically. Whatever..


You know what? FOr a start, stop reading those trashy novels that sees being single as being tied to a ball of chains. Trust me, you wont end up in a house full of cats. Im taking this opportunity as a time for major exploration not just in the world of guys but in the world of our own. So get to know yourself better so you know exactly what kind of guy you want that will definitely complete you and deserve the title of being your better half even if it's gonna take some time. Well, marriage is for a lifetime right so of course we dont want to make the biggest mistake of our lifetime as well..so relax..take it easy. Think baby steps.

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

Killer Quote

Arh....fark it. The row of twisties lined up at the shop downstairs and costing only a dollar per pack coz they are going to clear the shop soon..they're so freaking...tempting...the packets looked so...shiny....but dammit, I had to choose a green apple and a reduced sugar soyabean milk over it..dammit!


Sorry, Im a little cranky now especially coz I just took medicine before that (sadly forced by dear mummy again..) and cant think straight. But, still....shiny......packets...And I just got myself a copy of CLEO magazine through the mail and their special report? It's about food like carbs, fats and etc..oh..come on! give me a break here! Cant they write about what guys like about women or something?! It's like a sad reminder to me to bloody well focus on staying healthy. Yup, the effects of the cough medicine and the antibiotics are kicking in....



Well, bummer..have to return to office on wednesday and thursday but that's not a guarantee for me. I may have to be deployed out to field work in the morning if let's say any team is down. Man, that's double work! Coz after that I have to get my ass back to poly and start counselling those freakin' patients. But to me, the thing that sucks is that I may have to skip out on gym (again!) coz I already planned to go back office just to visit the gym this week since I was sick the last time so I could not go. But since Im already going there in the morning, it will be ridiculous for me to go back there again after my stint at the clinic as it's gonna make me waste transport money! The journey isn't that near you know...Argh!!!



And you know what else sucks in my life right now? K let's say you're watching a movie, there will be some quotable quotes that make you ponder and then figures out that they have a point. And then it sticks to you and make you feel guilty a bit. Well, that happened to me just now. I wanted to buy a pair of shoes from URS...to replace a similar pair back home where it's a little bit rundown but still wearable. As I was contemplating, suddenly that quote came out of nowhere from a movie. 'You dont throw anything out that is not completely dead..' Okay, technically the pair of shoes is lifeless but come to think of it, it's not completely 'dead' either as in, like what I said, still wearable. So...you guessed it...I walked out of the shop. Oh well....that reeks. Earlier on, I jz recalled that same quote also when I thought of buying a replacement for my foundation since only the corners are left. But again.....it's not completely 'dead' so.......


Anyway, opportunity to buy a pair of heels at a bloody good price like some sales sent from heaven may just come down one day...you'll never know. Just make sure it comes soon before my money runs out.

Hair Raising Issue

I watched deal or no deal..the game show which has hit our Singapore shores. Im not as interested as this as the f1 racing sports because we..are about to..be the host of a bevy of gorgeous men! woohoo!!!!! You will probably see me hanging around Marina quite often in September where the race will take place. Anyway about the show. Just now it was down to either $1 or $50 000 if she was to move on. That means not to make a deal. But! She had an offer by the 'bank' to get her suitcase which they claimed the banker had no idea how much is inside her first chosen suitcase (yeah..pfft..right).


You know what I thought? I thought she should not have made a deal coz...it was a bloody trick! But the mum saw 'stars' the minute she heard personally from Adrian Pang that the banker's offer was much higher than the previous offers. It was a trick dammit if they had bothered to read up the internet. The banker 'offered' the amount of $11 k which was a few thousand higher than the previous offer to dupe her into taking the money coz if the offer was 'good' or a much better one later on in the game than the next previous offer, it would seem like an offer too good to be missed. But seriously taking up an offer that is not even one third of $50 k, girl you made a wrong move just coz you're scared you'll end up with a briefcase cointaining the $1! Not surprisingly, should she chose to move and the banker made the next offer, it would be $27 k which was slightly more than half of the $50k. NOW that's a deal but noOOoo...she stopped at $11 k.


But that's the beauty of the game. It's all or nothing. But woman....should have just moved on with the game....gah...you're there to win in the first place so just carry on! I still felt some research done could have helped her understand the game better.


Anyway, that is me introducing the next big game in Singapore so if you have the time, just catch the show every Wednesday at 8.30pm to see how many more stupid decisions are being made.


Okay, enough about that. I originally intend to tell about some good news that my father is entitled to get some $500 to offset the GST price hike in July. It's enough to top up his giro account for future payments which will help me quite a lot since for the past two months, I had been helping to pay the town council the conservancy fees out of my pocket money as the giro account is almost depleted. But for now, it can also replace the money I used to buy his medicine just now which was almost $50. I mean Im not complaining coz it's just a monthly thingey and this isn't the first time I bought his medicine. It's just that the money will be rolled over to cover up the family's expenses for at least a few days.


But then again, I could just squeeze in a pair of shoes and a top from the GST package my father is about to receive...heh. I went to URS just now to basically look look see see even though I have like a pair which I have not worn coz so 'sayang' or so precious to me. Then again, so is a few more others that I seldom wear to 'preserve' them..haha.



Still, I have to weigh the pros and cons again or at least, come across a good offer or something because Im not about to forget about my financial lesson I just painfully learnt. Damn tough being a chick. To control shopping..gawd..and having to maintain long hair.


Actually, my hair texture has been improving a lot lately and has also naturally volumnised ever since I found the right combination of hair products and how long to use for each one of them as well as the correct method of using them. NOw this is after a long period of trial and error. I dont have straight hair but a slightly naturally wavy hair which can become one heck of a big mess. Im not into hair gel or hair wax like how I used to slap them on or I wont step out of the house and Im not into regular visits with the hair salon for some monthly therapy. I have not also chemically treated my hair so it's still a natural black colour.


In other words, Im not about to make my life difficult having to maintain coloured hair or treated hair. After this winning combination, now I can slowly put the idea of treating my hair at the back of my mind for now because as much as possible, I want my hair to be in its natural looking. Im not against putting my hair through treatment therapy for a smoother and sleek look but after seeing more than a few hundred heads..or should I say the rest of the vain female population...I dont think I want to. Yes they look way neater and the way I see it also, I dont even have to worry about the wind messing up with my hair because it will sleek right back to before it kena blown.


But seriously, the other women's hair..they dont look natural. To me, it felt like their hair has no life or that they were putting on a wig. Even if their hair has been coloured and permed nicely with these little twirls at their hair ends, they still dont look natural to me. Reminded me of Goldilocks with her bouncy gold locks (that looked like a wig) as she pranced through the three bears' house.


Dont even let me go into those women who went for eyebrow threading or worse..tattooing. What the hell were they thinking?! Now they either look like they have non existent eyebrows OR a pair of GREEN stained eyebrows which I supposed is the result of a botched job from a non qualified neighbourhood beautician. You can spend hundreds of dollars..or even thousands..to get the job done and feel more beautiful which can also include slimming down to near perfection like those mannequins on display. But seriously, doesnt everyone know that we dont have to be so perfect with such nice coloured permed or straightened hair that is risk free from the wind and with a petite figure that lacks curves that actually give our body some definition? Man, we're turning into an army of clones here!


Seriously, if they are doing it for the men who prefer their women to be of this size or with a long flowy hair coz it makes them more feminine...get yourself a life man! OR better still, get yourself a new man! Stop losing your uniqueness and your own identity by copying the looks of others from the hairstyle all the way to the way they dress up. It's not wrong to follow the in crowd but dont have to follow them to a T. Make yourself stand out from the rest by letting your personality shine through as well.


For now, I like my better looking hair and may eventually refrain from 'chopping' it all off for the sake of convenience. I know all this while I dont have straight hair but has a wavy one but seriously, the wavy streaks seldom made any appearance and that my hair never had a good shape until now once I started a strict regime on it. Well, putting in a bit of effort to maintain the current looks wont kill me I guess. Plus, with the compliments I have been getting about how much better I look like right now with longer hair, I guess I should hang on to it I suppose. Many thanks to the beauty magazines I have borrowed and the tips from Mariah who seems to know everything about beauty. Cant blame me..if it aint geek related, Im clueless..hehe..



I took this picture just now. It helps now Im trying to get into the habit (again..) of slapping on moisturiser and sunscreen lotion to get a healthier and shine-free look. So I dont always end up zombie-like knowing how late I often sleep almost every night.


me with a bevy of beauties at my workplace taken in dec 05. No I will never reach their level until now coz Im not as high maintenance as them. They're way too up there. I prefer being ordinary looking than to stand out from the crowd.


But you know what I think? I still stick to my believe that it's how you learn to work the imaginary runway carpet with oozes of self confidence.


Or at least take a better picture of yourself.



Hrm, as I was looking through some photo, I came across this:



Wow..look more beauties. Wonder how they are. Been yonks since I last met them and seems that they may just turn up at Nat's house next weekend where she holds our gathering. Never asked her who is coming but then again, we lost touch with one another so long already that it doesnt really matter to me who is coming and who is not. Hey..isn't this supposed to be a happy story about my hair?! Sorry..distracted.

Monday, May 14, 2007

Off to the Doc

Well well well.....someone's got a windfall. But since she treated me out last Saturday, I should just do the honour and treat her back but this time, it will be at Breeks coz I love pasta. They're better tasting than bee hoon and healthier than yellow mee and kway teow even though I hate bee hoon. Well, it's a health thing..dont ask.


Anyway, I FINALLy went to the doctor to get medicine for my never ending cough. I swear if this thing is left untreated for yet another week, my respiratory system is gonna collapse soon. And oh, my mum threatened me saying that if I dont go the doctor, forget about entering the house. But the thing that spurred me to see the freakin doc was because my left side of the face was starting to get numb and swollen and I even developed a bit of migraine in the afternoon on the left side too. It brought me back the memory of suffering another form of side effect from a long period of illness similar to this one which ended up with me having a bad skin breakout that made me run to my family doctor. Pathetic, I know. This time, I think it's just the side effect of coughing way too much and mind you, every cough brings pain to my chest because of the phlegm which caused me to cough quite badly. It's still numb now even though it's just from my left ear down to the cheek that putting an earphone inside it makes it quite painful like as if I stuffed a durian seed instead.


BY the way, i told my mum that she gotta let me out this coming Saturday because I promised my friend that I would treat her since she treated me the week before. She told me to go eat my medicine first or I end up coughing and coughing that day. Plus she also said she dont mind me going alternate week instead of every week coz i have a responsibility to the family as well. I told her about the up and coming bbq at Nat's house (yay!) and she has to let me go for this one as well.....I think her head is like spinning from the many appointments I am having plus next week there is one on Tuesday which I just told her just now. Okay! Yah im running a little tight on my schedule here so I get it if she's like gawd...didnt know my daughter is so 'popular' so if it's not this week, MUST be next week..what to do..I have a freakin social life!


Anyway, I got a bit more money this month but because of a painful lesson I just learnt on not to overspend on myself which almost left me penniless, i have to take a break this time. Dammit! And I was about to get that bloody Mango top! and the converse bag! ANd and..tsk, did I mention it's a painful lesson? But I try not to be too harsh on myself lah although I wont start buying something for myself too soon. I'll take it easy first and concentrate on my familys need but this time, Im not complaining. God gave me a second chance and Im not about to ruin it. Just give me the added strength as well.

Sunday, May 13, 2007

Hypocrisy

Sometimes I feel that Im a bit too harsh on myself whether on food, money, health and etc but I dont want to do something and then end up regretting later and that is going to bite me even more. I read in a magazine that the ultimate makeover one can ever give to himself or herself is confidence. Being a girl is difficult especially if you're my age where you're supposed to be at your prime like look good, feel good and where the opposite sex tends to make quick judgment about you as well as the girls to see. I never used to care about all of this. I mean..who cares if guys didn't look my way. Who cares if those damn girls who give other girls the 'look' whether the ones they look at are ugly or prettier than them. NO matter how you felt like you dont care about what they think about you, sometimes we cant help it but think about what if they do pass judgments about you. Is it a good one? Is it a bad one?


Seriously, we're all hypocrites deep down inside. It takes a whole lot of gut to admit something about us if it is going to undermine us and make others belittle us and think about how shallow we are. Have you ever come across situations where you pretended to do or say things that are so not you at all just because you dont want others to think about how boring you are? I have actually and I did write about them but you know what I thought about it later? I felt stupid. From then on, I kept my mouth shut or just smile and let them think what they want to think like Im a girl who goes out on a frequent basis and come home late at night or what but infact I'd rather just sit down infront of the computer and think geek. I used to think it sucks having little friends or that my friends were not cool enough but that was in the past. Life lessons come and go and then you learn that the exterior may not have such a great impact. You soon learn that the very popular people..they dont have anything to offer to you. At times, it even felt like they were using you just because they thought you were no better than them. But just because you felt 'accepted' for the first time, it felt like an honour. Trust me, that honour would feel like poison later.


To me, one of the lowest form of hypocrisy is when people think they're so perfect..way perfect beyond others but infact, they are just that: pretty on the outside but so shallow on the inside. Even those people who think they know heck lot about religion and that they're so gonna go to heaven while others are condemned to go to hell if they are against what they believe in, they can be hyprocrites themselves. Unknowingly, they may do more sins especially if they keep thinking negatively about others. We're all unique people and who are we to pass judgments about others if we dont know them enough but just based on how they look like or the kind of lifestyle they lead, we start hating them. We're not God. Let Him hold the judgment.


Life can be a very funny affair. We keep saying others change but we ourselves can change too. Like come on! We're not static. We keep moving on whether or not we like it. Even if we have any principles in life that we hold on ever so tightly, then one day...something happened that shook us from what we believe in and we either live in regret or live in a new form of happiness. At times we can explain what is going on but other times, we can't. But, we have the power to heal. IF you think holding some guilt inside us is bad, it can also be a good thing. Without guilt, we may not be able to realise that all this time, we have missed the mark because we chose to keep one eye closed and pretended that everything was okay or perfect.


Still, as a ground rule, we have to think about the risk factor and it's not just about having some fun under the sun. No point crying over splilt milk, so to speak. But whatever it is, just learn to move on and try not to be a hypocrite as much as we can. Still, if you want to think of yourself as some kind of beauty queen or one of those models parading in a bikini and posing on the cover of FHM, well..go ahead. I'll be contented thinking about how Im so blessed to have a hot boyfriend..imaginary or not.

Saturday, May 12, 2007

My Mothers' Day

Well im using my pda in the clinic where Im working now to type my journal coz I couldnt be bothered to buy a new journal, write halfway and forget its existence. We are talking trees which died for me but I disregard its existence. Wow...imagine that...deep thoughts coming from me on a Saturday morning. Argh! Life sucks when u have to work on a Saturday.


Tomorrow is Mothers' Day which doesnt really signify anything for me. Yes I know Im not a mum so what difference does it make to me. And neither do I hate my mum. She may cut me off from having a social life today by creating such a big fuss yesterday and Im still unhappy about it. Her words were so biting that if I was not strong enough, I would probably lash out coz we're talking about my dignity here.


How can she say Im some flirtatious woman doing nothing but gawk at guys. Do I even dress up like some slut and making eyes at any men for some kind of attraction? How can she not know me enough that she didn't raise a daughter who changes boyfriends like some clothes? And to top it all off, she says she dont mind if Im out on a date with some guy instead of going out with a gal pal? People appreciate the fact that my mum has such a good daughter who listens to her mummy. Im not asking my mum to think like them because I know I can be stubborn sometimes. She can also tell me things and then I will put them at the back of my mind incurring her frustrations epecially if they re quite important.


It doesnt kill me either that she doesnt say she loves me in words or give me a hug. Any form of physical contact from her I will shudder coz it does not mean a good thing whether I am five or twenty five. So when people ask me why Im so scared of my mum it's because when shes angry, you dont want to go anywhere near her.


Look Im just sick and tired of her hypocrisy towards me. Whatever she wants to think about me she can go ahead with it whether or not she means it. She can call me a slut, unreligious, flirtatious, stupid..whatever..just throw it at my face.


To me what she says about me or scolding me for whatever insignificant reasons...they are all nothing but fluff. Go ahead and treat my younger brother like some king and Im his maid who has to do what she says for his benefit. Even if it is going to destroy him one day. When such a day come, dont come crying to me. She knows I dont like how she treats him..but as usual shes too egoistic to admit it. Instead she will throw dirt at my face making me the bad one instead.


Im still pissed at her for not letting me go out today like as if I go out every other day treating the house like some hotel. I didnt even come back home at some unearthly hours last Sat and stayed up late just to teach my bro maths till 3 plus in the morning. And I was sick and aching all over and she knew that. But I didnt want to be the cause of his failure which she had said earlier that she would blame me if he did.


So now the prince had failed even though I tried my best to give him as much practice questions as I can from the start of the year. I put his interests before me and then only take some time off for myself after that even if it means sleeping in the wee hours.


But if Im lucky, when hes asleep after school, I get to do my own things first or catch a nap coz I get tired after work. The only tricky bit about the napping part is that it will be the source of my mum's unhappiness coz she says I will be too tired to teach him after that.


You know what...like I said before...Im just so tired of this never ending affair. While nowadays there are just many people around my age getting married, it doesnt spur me at all to do something about my non existence love life. Im having enough problems with my current family, Im not about to start a new one. I dont want to take on further family responsibilities. I have enough on my hands now thank you very much.


I dont blame my family. We all have our own unique family problems. I dont hate my mum coz beneath her tough exterior, she can also be like a friend to me. It's just the way she was brought up where she was not supposed to show her anger and often bullied around by her older siblings. So her meanness and her temperamental mood swings thrown me are justified but my sadness and the hurt I feel based on her false accusations and curse words are still real. I just try not to let them sink into me any further.


Anyway, happy mothers' day to you mum.

Friday, May 11, 2007

A Different Love

well...i actually cried listening to this song coz it's about lost forbidden love and so freaking touching if you know the storyline of the movie.


It's about the love between a mormon on a missionary trip in LA and a promiscuous party animal who leads a carefree life. Initially, it was just over a bet of $50 to sleep with one of the mormons who are staunch religious believers but just as he was about to successfully seduce the mormon, he got an earful instead on how shallow he was. He changed thereafter thinking what if the mormon was right and he helped out as a volunteer at a shelter for people with AIDs and found out there is more to life than just parties and getting laid. He befriended a guy dying of AIDs over at the shelter and slowly began to fall in love with the mormon who was unlike his other 'conquests' through their friendship but didnt know that he would get the mormon into trouble over a 'kiss'. That poor mormon tried to commit suicide when sent back home due to shame because he..yes..HE...had gone against their religion by being a homosexual. There was also intense pressure for him because his father was the President of their religious sect over their hometown and that he was the only guy in the family so rightfully, he would be the next in line to spread the faith.


Torn between religion and his true love, he decided to end it all but unfortunately, Christian was made to believe by Aaron's mother when he found out his house number that thanks to him, she had 'lost' his son because he committed suicide over him. Actually, he didn't die. He was just sent somewhere to 'cure' him of his homosexuality when he survived the suicide. But Christian's roommate who was an aspiring singer made a music video which was broadcast later on tv which Aaron heard and watched over at the rehab centre. When he heard the lyrics and the message flashed across that this song was written for her roommate (Christian), he found out that Christian still loved him and didnt go on finding his next conquest as thought by Aaron. Before that, Aaron was also informed by his mother later that Christian had actually ran a bet with his friends to 'get' Aaron which made him disappointed coz he thought Christian had really loved him which then spurred him to commit suicide.


But after that song, he ran away from the centre and took a bus to LA to find Christian. But having no place to stay, he went to this restaurant owned by someone he befriended during one of his volunteer work whom he didnt know was also the restaurant where Christian worked. When he went out of the kitchen to send some food and saw Aaron talking to his restaurant manager, he was shocked and dropped the tray. All this while he thought Aaron had died and he could almost not go on with his life. Well, they hugged and reunited back and spent the Christmas together with the small group of restaurant crew. So *sobs*..the movie ends perfectly..but if Aaron had not heard the song, he would never have made it back to LA so in a way the song was darn touching if you think Aaron had actually died.


In case you're thinking me as odd, this is just a movie and it does not reflect anything about my personal life or my stand on sexuality or religion. Even if the two lovers are in a healthy heterosexual relationship and not a homosexual one, if the movie is moving enough, I will still cry buckets. I just like to see how love overcomes it all, between the rich and the poor, between the popular and the unpopular, between the ugly and the beautiful..that kind of thing. It's just like listening to different genres of music too. So yup....Im just telling you how it is.


Yawns..getting sleepy now. Got to hit the sack..at four plus am in the morning.

Digital Cameras

Okaylah, i'll be nice and let you in on the minimum requirements. Should aim for at least a 6 megapixels, a screen size of at least 3.1 inches or the bigger the better and not solely because you can see better. It is because it wont try to 'squeeze' in that 6 megapixels into a small screen or you will end up with a lower quality image even though it may not seem that 'low' if viewed on the screen but the effect is amplified once you upload the pics to your computer. Aim for an optical zoom instead of digital zoom even though nowadays, cameras seem to offer the two but digital zoom is rendered 'useless' because the more zoom you use, the lower quality it becomes. So at least aim for a 3x optical zoom which is equivalent to a 34-102mm lens. But! Do check out the extremities of both end of the zoom to see if there is any 'distortion' to the image.


Next, for a better shot that is not overexposed and with less 'noise', it must have a maximum sensitivity of higher than 200 or 200 ISO. For example, an 800 ISO or a 400 ISO. Check out the white balance feature of the camera because what it does is to adjust the colour temperature of your pictures for a better colour accuracy based on the lighting conditions of your subject. Why is this important? Because artificial lighting can make your picture come out the wrong colour like making your picture too orange or too blue. So what the white balance does is to adjust the colour temperature which calculates the necessary adjustment to make your picture look more decent. It can also set the 'mood' of the picture composition. Common settings include 'tungsten', 'fluorescent' for example, according to what lighting is being used or even to produce interesting results. Still, this depends on each camera for the white balance to work efficiently.


And the next best bet? Try the product for yourself instead of relying on the 'hype' of the salesmen. If you're knowledgable enough, you wont have to be too dependent on what he got to say because ultimately you're the one paying. If he's also trying to make you buy a certain product out of the rest because to him, it is the best, dont take his word for it completely. He may or may not be right or that product alone can give him a higher commission because the company will pay him more..I dunno..just dont trust that guy too much. Visit various shops so that you can compare the prices for the same camera model to see if it is worth it and err..if there is any discount available.


Oh, and work around your budget but bear in mind, the smaller your budget, there are some thing that have to be 'sacrificed'. But just dont compromise on the quality just because you're on a tight budget. If you have a bigger budget, dont aim for something too expensive either or you end up with those features that you pay for but end up not using at all. Usually, these features are those that supposedly make your pictures 'better' but if I were you, I will just take those photos to my adobe photoshop lab..hehe..trust me, this is a useful software because no matter how bloody great your camera is, it will never always take a perfect shot. Maybe the camera is good but not necessarily your phototaking skills..bwahahaha!! Okay..my bad.


So yup..remember, you only KNOW this because you read my blog okay? Next up, I will post up a short review (well, I know it is shorter than this one) on Window's latest offering: the Windows Vista.

Great Review Mag

Great. I'm D's helpline even if Im not outfield. I remember him going to me if he needs help with his scheduling like begging to finish at a certain time in order to make his pick up of equipments run more smoothly knowing other teams may either have some problems with their replication or uploading of data or simply quite slow. So if he can 'beg' me to finish at a certain time, which he knows I can and how my team can pretty much handle replication problems through trial and error basis, he will do that to me. Besides, other teams will probably give him hell if he tries to beg coz that will mean hurrying them up. Well..what makes you think I dont feel the pressure?!! Still I dont promise him anything coz I would say that it's not my problem if he got other duties to do so he wants me to hurry up..heh...but he never takes me seriously! The nerves...and he will come at the time he had wanted me to finish up. AND Im also his informer if the teams are ready for his laptop collections on Thursday even though they will contact him once they're done but he justs wants an estimation from me before he comes up. Then Im also where he will try to 'beg' again if can finish the downloading at the main headquarters earlier if he has something urgent to attend to...and Im also where he looks for to find the contact number of certain colleagues if he is not able to call through their team phones. Gawd....go to your beloved aunties la! Im sure they are more than willing to help.


Anyway, now I dont really feel that I missed out on much during my attachment there. Kinda starting to enjoy my time there even though just now I had plenty of time to waste since there was very low turnout of patients. I've said about reading articles from this magazine called PCAnswers which is a UK magazine but is chokeful of information including links to useful softwares that can help to 'up' a bit on our pc's security without having to resort to forking out money unnecessarily plus any other things. Most of them are free coz this magazine tries to think of their readers on tight budget and if there is a need to pay like the obvious hardwares toys or even those fancy softwares, they will give an estimation of how much the reader is expected to pay.


And one of the best features of this magazine is their reviews of certain laptops, pcs, cameras, printers and etc because not only do they give an honest one, they also give a good comparison between the product and the market range of requirements if they fall back on them or exceed them so that you know you're paying for the right things and not for just the fancy things. Thanks to them, now I know what is the best computer chip that we should have for a faster processing time and that there are actual two leading brands out there..Intel and AMD. Plus, during their review of a budget camera, they also let us in on the minimum requirements for a good digital camera to produce a decent picture (and we're not talking just about the megapixels here..where you find out here depends on the camera's other features like the ISO speed and the white balance. there should be a good balance in order to maximise the potential megapixels).


In other words, I think that before you go out and find that dream digital camera of yours, do your product research first. Don't aim for 'common knowledge' like the higher the megapixels, the better. The bigger the LCD screen the better...or the higher the megapixels but the lower the cost the better or the more expensive the better..coz sometimes, it can be a gimmick. They will never place the shortcomings of the products on the display card lah obviously so if you can get hold of internet access, you should do a product research on the cameras that you want to purchase and see what other reviewers have to say. You should do a comparison between other products and see where they stand against one another. Doesn't mean the brand name is good, their products across the range are good either. One may even work better than the other even though it is less pricey because you're basically not paying for the aesthetics but the real deal.

Check out my next entry on what to look out for when buying a digital camera!

Thursday, May 10, 2007

D Encounter

hello! ey, guess what? i saw the bugger yesterday! no, I didnt go out and purposely meet D or something but he came to deliver things to my clinic. I kinda suspected he will be sent here since he IS the most hardworking of the lot..heh..no wonder when i spot a message in the morning like before 8.30am it did flash across my thought that it could be him but nay, I am not at field what for him to tease why the heck im late. It was like when I saw him outside at the reception that it occured to me like oh shit..it was him after all and I didnt check coz suddenly there was a stream of patients coming in one by one. Apparently he wanted to know what level I was at before he made a move here which he could easily find out but maybe just to let me know he was coming.


Okay, he was his usual self...work one side...teasing me another side..and me? well, Im my usual self too. Believe it or not, if he is around, I cant tease him as well as I do on the phone via text messages as if Im so freakin shy. I guess he knew so he ALWAYS work it to his advantage. Im always scrambling through my head..how do I put this guy down..how do I put this guy down..but always come out jibberish or with some 'safe' answers.


Well, whatever it is..it was nice to see you again. For me? Haiz..off to work now.

Tuesday, May 08, 2007

Jail Time or Free Time

okay so Mariah dared me to message D because...........let's say he met with a weetle bit of incident..*sniggers*..he stepped on dog poo..wahahahaha!!! I just wanted to let go of that incident of which the information was supplied by my covering officer for the clinic duty when she came for attachment. On the other hand, I didnt want to act despo and wanted to perform my 'detention' at the clinic to a T. That means no messaging to D for a month! Wah, that sounds worse than telling my mum Im going out on a coming Saturday. But Mariah wanted to know his reaction..which I had predicted that he would deny (which he did actually) but didnt forsee that he would 'throw' it back at my face. I mean..the tit for tat thingey..not throw dog poo at me.


I could almost puke back all my breakfast of two curry buns and a packet of milo when he said that he didnt step on it and that she smelled wrongly. It came from his breath instead coz that morning he ate dog poo. Gawd!!! Can he be more grossed out than that?! Gaaaawwwdddd!!!!


Of course I know that he wont eat dog poo but the bloody impact of his freaking words got stuck in my head and I was like..pfft..what the hell?! I just had breakfast okay! His various 'stock laughs' text messages came barging towards me in his messages as we went back and forth with our messaging where he was thinking Im having a shiok or damn good time over at the clinic assuming Im so bloody free there and do nothing but shake legs. What the...I mean he had never visited the clinic before to deliver any items so he still doesnt quite get what we do there. Furthermore, he is new since he just joined this year. Still, to assume Im free?!! YOu think Im paid for nothing is it?!


Even before i said anything about boredom he already assumed I must be bored. I guess he heard me mention that word quite a lot of time during our convies back when I was in field like..I dunno..YONKS AGO?! Yes i know it has only been a few days since my attachment but it felt like forever...Well, that bugger was right so he kinda rubbed it in by saying that wah mz be shiok. Then added on with his third free 'let's teach Rahayu all the wrong things!' lesson time with him suggesting me to sleep first, then lunch time wake up and eat and then sleep again until knock off time. Wow..'thanks'...I'll send you the cheque for that suggestion once I converted this place into my father's company.


Well, it was still great fun jabbing that bugger since now Im so called quite free at times since there is a low number of children coming to the clinic after being referred as now is the exam period. But I dont want to pop the bubble yet coz from what I forsee, things are going to get busy after I looked through the future appointments and man...Im filled to the brim. Still, I don really feel that busy like back then when I was rushing like mad to finish up field work so that we can give the health reports on time to the school and then rush back to office. Even though I had to do four patients one after another just now coz they happened to finish..er..one after another for their eye tests, I didnt feel like I was doing some mad rush of a work. Maybe coz I did this friggin thing before last year at the other clinic as a covering officer as well as an officer on duty which was more rushing coz of the bloody hardworking receptionist who cant wait to get rid of every freakin referred children out of the clinic once they were done with the eye tests.



So now it is more in my own pace and well..if it is in that case..I can handle the stress better and more or less know how to handle the counselling sessions better too since there is lesser pressure on me to hurry up. Well...and I know what the hell to talk about since Im part co designer of the powerpoint slide presentation (oh what the heck...I designed the whole bloody thing) with the researched content in just a day so the presentation isn't a biggie to me. I also dont trip on my words easily as I present them with the facts or can answer their questions smoothly and am..proudly saying this..very the bilingual (like I say..my engrish and my melayu..no difference..sama2). Last year, I stumbled quite a lot as the information was still fresh in my head and that I just did research on it so I merely regurgitated whatever I learnt. Big topics such as the LASIK surgery, anatomy of the eye, cataract, glaucoma and whatever eye related stuffs even though these had nothing to do with kids. It's just the parents wanting free information since we dont charge at this clinic...pffftt...NOW you can say im not being paid enough for this!


Overall, it is still an okay experience for me to be attached at this clinic including sitting at the coffeeshop opposite the polyclinic drinking ice milo and listening to the conversation between an old couple and a friend of theirs. FUnny shit I tell you. Plus, I still need to get used to the stares I get from the kaypoh people in the neighbourhood during my round about trips at the shop areas. I swear they can smell a newbie a mile away.....


If there is one thing that I believe is worth complaining every square inch of my blocked nose is....the f**kin air con blowing at my face one metre away from me at 20 deg celcius and cannot be adjusted to any higher than that coz it makes no f**kin difference. Other than this, Im quite enjoying a bit of surreal time listening to my mp3 songs downloaded via a USB cable after I found the hidden USB ports on top of the computer under a pop up latch..heh heh..Still in the process, a series of youtube videos neatly optimized for storage into my mp3 player to be played on the windows media player on that pc during work.


Im still trying to adjust my time there only and also being in solitary moment in that room similar to a doctor's cubicle but this time can technically call it a room coz it is huge with a huge swivel chair for me as well. During my free time, I read a magazine brought from home and today brought a PCAnswers mag...the err..computer magazine for geeks which I can never thoroughly read coz I'll be busy tutoring my brother at home. SO now..I can take my time reading while waiting for the next patient or any other free time when there are no appointment listing for that hour. And I learnt a fair bit of interesting stuffs today which I cant wait to put into practise. Oh well, there's pros and cons to everything right?

Right Conclusion

Seriously, if you live in a country like Singapore where the choice of dramas and tv movies are limited and based on popularity...forget shows that do not have famous people in them. Well, there are many out there worth watching but NOoOOOoo...we can only watch trashy stuffs. So now I have to be contented with watching snippets from You Tube which were made by fans of the dramas or movies but ah, have to tolerate the accompanying background music which drain out the conversations totally. Unless you're into lip reading. Some do have conversational clips which kinda gave you an idea what the movie is all about. The latest one..well..not really the latest...coz I watched it previously, I actually bothered to plough through the series of fan vids and then finally know what is the actual conclusion. I seriously thought the guy was a goner already with him attempting to commit suicide by slashing his..*gulp*..wrists..and like wow..there goes another sweet baby face hunkalicious guy who deserves better people like me and to show my parents the kind that will set my marriage mood.


My second thought was why the movie had to end that way like a cliche. Why give up easily? Okay throughout the movie he was not actually a strong person but he was emotionally tied down by a lot of things. You know, people telling you what you should be doing, what are morally right and what are morally wrong blah blah blah...And to add to the misery, this guy was on a mission. A mission to so called save the people from the evils of the world. No Spider-man involved here. So in other words, the suicidal thought was kinda second nature to him I suppose. But lo and behold! He didn't die! Woohoo! THanks to Rahayu's tolerance to go through those damn videos!


Apparently, his sister found him and probably helped to save his life even though he had done the deed but probably you could say he could have died from the blood loss if left in that state too long. However, his friends were made to believe that he was a goner because his family was that protective over him. They wanted him to start a new life all over again by putting his past behind him. But they realised how strong their bond were when they travelled all the way to his hometown upon finding out the news. His mum almost wanted to tell the truth but she was too late coz they were gone too soon.


For that hunk..I mean..teenager (seriously, with a body like that..pfft..he's only 19?!)..that near death experience gave him another meaning to life instead. He started believing in himself and threw away the old school thoughts and still barely recovered, he set out on his self discovery journey back to sunset boulevard and seeked out his friends who accepted him for who he was whether or not they agreed with his kind of lifestyle which were more sedate than them. Ultimately, he also sacrificed a huge part of him that had been shaped since he was a young boy but it was a sacrifice that was worth it. He never felt any happier and had the best thanksgiving day ever with his good friends who thought that his comeback was a miracle itself both physically and spiritually.


If I ever get to watch the movie in full, I would probably cry buckets of tears. Forget about knowing the name of the movie coz you cant find it in Singapore nor will you find a full version of it on you tube. Unless Im itching to go scour through the internet during one of my treasure hunting moments for anything free or for my geek prowess.....I have to be contented with those fan music videos which may tell different 'sides' of the stories until you finally find one that have the actual ending or storyline.


Still, I am happy after a long while, the movie ended well. And next time, try other methods of suicide. I could have just 'died' from those blood splatters on the floor...*puke*..okay okay, Im a wussy..so what..at least Im not someone who acts egoistic but easily henpecked by gatal aunties...hehe hehe..now that's the biggest wussy of all!

Long Weekend, A Little Rambling & My Lack of Gratitude

The day I discover IG filters It's almost mid week to August..argh. I am in the midst of a long weekend, which sadly will come to ...