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Showing posts from June, 2009

Little Critter

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I know that this is gonna be laughable but I just added stingrays as one of the animals that I fear most. Not fear as in I fear that the animal is gonna eat me up but fear of the undescribable sort that sets of the squeamish trigger in me. I had the priviledge of going to the Underwater World at Sentosa after THE LONGEST TIME and it was a fun experience...after getting a mini shock and getting myself wet after I took my arm out in a hurry when a tiny fish (smaller than a size of my pinkie) accidentally bumped into my arm while swimming. And then I went to another touch pool where a few of very friendly stingrays who were having the time of their lives scaring the heck out of children by swimming and flapping at the edge of the pool. They were so friendly that one of the visitors actually could lift one out though still half submerged inside the pool and the animal didnt even struggle. While taking a pic, her friend was jokingly saying that she cant take it home.
I seriously did not kno…

My Stingy Habit

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Yesterday, could have been my father's birthday if he had survived his medical ordeal but sometimes, things weren't meant to be and as upsetting as it was to see him go, no one could bear to see him suffer anymore. If you read my earlier posts back then when my father had not been hospitalized yet, I wrote about my mum who kept finding faults with my father. And now that he is really gone, she keeps harping on the good side of him. She likes to talk about how my father used to buy the family food and even in his weak state, he still travelled to buy the food for the family to eat.Now, she is upset with me because she said that I was so unlike my father. I am very calculative over food prices and would rather not buy for myself in order to save money if I buy for them food.
Look, I dont like to argue with my mother because it will always be a losing battle for me. She gets upset very easily like if I dont get what she wants exactly or I forget to buy for her something that it…

Broken Pieces

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Sorrie I went on a hiatus coz I have been talking about you know...my dad. How he was so sick and I was so upset. Even though I dont cry as much as I did before, but there is never a passing day or even moment that I dont think of him. I dont go as far as back as the days when he was still not as sick as he was in the hospital but I kept recalling his last days. It was pure torture seeing him in that condition. I took pics of him in that condition as well as when he was better and then got ill again..and so forth..not so much coz I was delusional but because I wanted to remember him and also to show my mum who sometimes did not visit him.
However, now I could not even look at them coz it will be too depressing. I just cant help thinking how is he doing in his after life. I guess I watched too many of that ghost whisperer episodes and I hope he is not a wandering spirit and that he is in good company of his late parents.
For now, how am I doing? Frankly speaking, Im pretty lost in my dir…

Turn up the Crank

I am back at work now since yesterday. I have stopped crying days ago but I still think of my dad all the time no matter what I am doing. I just cant believe that he is gone and will no longer be around. My mum still talks about him and instead of talking bad about him, she tells stories of the good things that my father had said or done. At times, she would be rather emotional and it gets me too because it also tells me that deep deep deep down inside, she does love him despite her heavy criticism of him.

However, my mum's crankiness has been a concern for me and my brother. She hasnt been feeling well since last week ever since her flu and fainting spells that makes her rather weak. Plus she refused to go to the doctor and still carried the guilt that she was the one who persuaded my father to go to the hospital to receive treatment when he got weak and unable to get up.

My mum is used to doing things her way and because she cant do much work without feeling faint again, her helpl…

An Emotional Passing

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After a long while of hoping and praying my father would recover soon, it had came to a point that he could not be saved anymore because his vital organs were failing. I already told myself that if the doctors were to say that they had tried their best, I would then slowly accept the fact that I had to learn to let my father go. The lady doctor was kind enough to advise me and let me know that I had done my best as a daughter and it was time to learn to let go and when she said words like that, I was so saddened by it that I could not control my tears at my workplace. I had wonderful colleagues who helped me through the tough times and covering my duties and they let me go early even without myself telling the words.It was such a grim thing to do that when my father was dying in the hospital, I was busy cleaning the house especially his room and the living room and throwing a lot of things of which some of them were his things. My father was a keeper and some things were just too pain…