Sunday, July 23, 2017

Break ups

I love this couple from a tv show and I ship them hard. It's no secret on my blog at least that I love the Shadowhunters book series (The Mortal Instruments one) and now the TV show. But next two episodes won't be the easiest and probably the most challenging for them and the rest of the gang. Okay actually them getting together was already a challenge enough until the penultimate episode. It's just to show it's like any relationships, they go through ups and downs especially when trust is a major issue and they both come from different worlds and are highly respected in their own rights.

Actually I like their storyline in the show despite the rough start and multiple 'I'm pining for you but I can't coz it will mean losing everything' scenes. In the end the heart wants what it desires. In the book though, it gets pretty annoying. I guess it's just her childish writings at time although she's just trying to show his insecurities and this being his first relationship after all. The break up scene was well written though and full of emotions. I got the sniffles, k.

Before you think I will go on and on about this shipping and the impending breakup (NooOOoo..), I just want to talk about how challenging REAL relationships are that sometimes I'm glad Im not involved in such dramas. But then again, it's such a selfish talk. There are bound to be relationship problems. There are people who found love again, only to lose it even though they seem so made for each other. There are also those who are third time lucky and this could be the relationship that he or she has been looking for. 

For me, finding your soulmate after going through difficult times, tears and heartbreaks, may be a daunting task but it's not impossible if you trust yourself that you will fall in love again. I was shocked when I heard one of the youtubers I've been following since I started watching make up videos and a CEO of a make up company, is going through a divorce, her second one. Now she's only a year older than me but has achieved so much but went through many difficulties as well. This guy seemed to be a dream for her. He seems very quiet as compared to her but is very supportive of her and her business so nobody thought bad about him. He really loves her for who she is. 

But you know, what you see in the social media may not always be the most accurate version of them in real life. Even reality shows aren't that real, you know. So who are we to judge. The important thing is that they come out stronger, better and move on from this bitter episode in their life. It's not going to be easy. No break ups are easy but if people are meant to be for each other, they will somehow make their way back again. This was such a case for a local youtuber and make up artist as well. Again, we have seen how perfect they are together as a couple, travelling together and hanging out with the family and friends. But little did we know that recently they went through some hard times, which she dubbed as the most difficult time for her. However, glad to know they worked out their differences and are back together again.

So this love business isn't something to take lightly. It takes effort, commitment and heart. This is why I think relationships are not for everyone. I know that it is not for me. You go through a rollercoaster of emotions but this is what makes a person or relationship stronger.

I know that this is a rough patch for the tv couple as well when one was accused of being a liar while he was actually torn between answering to The Clave (it's like the government for the Shadowhunters) for this big secret they are hiding and to his boyfriend who is an outspoken representative of the Downworld because this secret can affect him and his Downworlder people. I also hope that like the book, they will work things out because they are simply meant for each other. Full stop.

So if you're in a relationship, treasure it with all you've got. People go through phases where they question themselves if this is what they want. Listen to your heart and your gut feeling and tell yourself if this is worth it. If it's not, it is not the end of the story. Life goes on and who knows, there will be someone even better for you out there and by them he or she comes to you, you are more ready than ever.


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Friday, July 21, 2017

Dreadful Two Days at Work

The last two days haven't been so great at work finding a piece of damn document that some people have no inkling as to what it was about. But still was willing enough to rummage  go through their files for it. Some couldn't even bothered and just resigned to not having it at all without searching. Look, while only one was important, the rest was just for filing purpose and I've been tasked to ask one by one all the 'big shots' in my department. Only one was giving me some ramblings which basically went one ear in and one out as though this was my fault or my carelessness of not having this document. 

I've explained and also this document was in existence before my time was there so it wasn't so nice to give me 'crap'. And that this wasn't the first time I had a run in with this certain someone. Already her cluster is so 'extra' with documents that I don't even need but for their own filing and insistent that I keep the originals after asking their head to sign a stack of it. It's like nah, it's YOUR responsibility now. 

Whatever. 

I was feeling down yesterday evening and this morning but I had a small but strong support network who have gone through years at that place while just months for me. They had gone through ups and downs with certain people with such quack working attitude and yet, they are still strong enough to not take too much to heart and just do their best. They have been accused of things by other people, given crap as well but their perseverance and believe that they are just here to work and be good at it make them stand tall against these other people who are trying to pull them down. 

And they want me to be strong as well. I am glad that despite whatever other people have talked about my manager, her erm...loudness, she has our interests at heart and she is quick to defend us although to be fair, she has to hear both sides of stories. 

Despite the initial disappointment with myself, I know that these are just lessons for my personal growth through continued improvements. They are constructive feedback meant to help me and not push me down. While I aim to improve, I also aim to serve and do my best in all areas of my work. But again, I am also thankful that at first I thought I had no one to be friends with at my new work place. Now we're like this small supportive family who is willing to listen to me air my grievances and offer their valuable advices.

For that, I thank God for sending me these angels. Even though one of them has retired, she is still willing to dispense advice to me when I am stuck and I have no choice but to refer to her. 

So some people may give me hell. It's just how they are. So what. It's not a reflection of myself. The rest of them are not like that at all. Just like how some people when they don't like you, whatever you do, they still don't like you so at the end of the day, why bother because it's not your fault. It's just them, not you. So I just move on and do my best to keep my job and earn my keeps.



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Tuesday, July 18, 2017

Being Broke AF, Phone Stopped Working & All Other Misery

So it hasn't been a great week last week. I was broke af and I was barely surviving although I managed to have some money I received from my online shop which helped me to stay afloat at least a day or two. And then the cycle starts again until Saturday where thankfully my brother got his salary earlier so he gave me my portion.

Honestly, I was so poor I couldn't buy the bread, which was already discounted by the way, because it would exceed the budget that I had. Did I feel good about it? Of course not. But I didn't let it go to my head because it would just amplify my misery. I just tell myself that I will get over it. 

Also, I don't want to be in this situation again because it's just not pleasant. But it does make me more  aware of what I should be doing to not be that broke again. I know that I could possibly be in that situation again which makes me more determined to not move backwards but look forward instead. 

Oh and to add on to my misery, my phone suddenly stopped working the previous Saturday. It just won't start and even it at times, it managed to go to the home screen, it will restart again -_- Also, on that day, I had an appointment to go house visiting and I didn't know the address. After HOURS of restarting my phone, suddenly it worked for a good half and hour and I managed to copy down the contact number, the address and also to inform the people in the WhatsApp group that my phone was not working so it would be hard to contact me. I had to carry my mum's ancient phone as back up but which actually lasted longer than my so called more advanced phone..believe it or not. So for awhile, my mum was not contactable. 

I managed to use my phone to contact my friend to say that I am reaching her house's bus stop. Thankfully, she stepped out to bring me up to her Condo apartment. It's a private estate so I couldn't just enter like any good ol' public housing. 

Now I am in a lot better position than the previous week. I got my pay which included the mid year bonus and which I promptly put aside in case I accidentally spend it away. During one fine shower, I worked out a plan on how to save for the rest of the year because I want to get back on track asap. Also, while savings, I also need constant spending money to support my family which means I have to hustle to get moolah from my online shop. I will put aside $50 from my income every month from there too. 

So that's how my life went last week. There's ups and downs. You've read mostly the downs but about the phone, the up thing about is that I got my first iPhone. My phone broke down at a time I received an sms that I am entitled to a $200 discount voucher if I recontract my plan by the end of the month. I It could not come at a better time. Also, when I checked online for mobile phone offers, the iPhone 6 was on offer for my plan. I know it's not the latest model but I'm fine with it. After several episodes with sub par phones, I think in future I will invest in high end phones even if I have to pay a little more for it. 

I shall end this post with pictures from the open house at a friend's house :)

No matter how life can get us down at times, let's not give up and always learn and invest in yourself for the future.






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Sunday, July 09, 2017

Half the Year Gone..& Not Feeling so Great

Hang tight, this is going to be a long post.

I didn't start off July 2017 well because I felt down and out because half the year is gone and what have I achieved so far. But it's starting to pick up slowly and while finance wise, it's still a disappointment no matter how much effort I have put in, I still didn't want to give up. Yes sh*t happens in life and then things go south again but it doesn't mean I should stop and then forever be in this state. I am determined to move forward and continue to do my best. I must have a sense of direction in life and the journey itself can't be all smooth sailing.

So what I did was to write a blog post, uploaded some new pictures in my online shops' galleries and then I got an order query next day, hehe. And some more too. Sometimes you just need to give yourself the push to get over the rut. It's not going to be a quick fix and may take awhile but the point is to keep moving and moving on from the past and create a better future.

I hope I don't sound too philosophical but I acknowledge that not every day is a good day. July 1st is definitely not that day. You know, I had plans to buy this and buy that with my upcoming mid year bonus but judging from my current financial situation and my future plans as well, a nice bag will be suffice. Oh, and a good night moisturiser. Because I am not getting younger. Make up, if applied correctly, can enhance one's features whether young or old, but skincare must always be top priority at any age.

Things will not often go according to plan but sometimes it can also be for the better.

Speaking of plans, I was actually quite happy that I got to the weight that I've always considered as the next milestone. I think I kept yoyo-ing and then struggle ensues again -__- because it's like a never ending battle until I told myself, no more. I must up the notch. So I took on stair climbing every month despite the tempting escalator and picked up Zumba and now Strong by Zumba. This is in accompaniment of cutting down sugar and carbs. I wasn't consistent in April and May for the Strong by Zumba classes but starting from June, I went every week even though it was tougher the first 3 weeks because it was fasting month. I never felt such sheer exhaustion from the Strong by Zumba classes.

It is intense and also, the thing I needed to 'push' the scale down. I know numbers are not everything when it comes to taking good care of your health. But to me, there's nothing wrong in wanting to look good and feel good and to be at a stage where you're comfortable with your body, whatever the size is. I have no qualms not being the average female built as long as I am at a size I'm most comfortable with. Yes I am only human and while we often hear the advice of not comparing yourself to others, at times you can't help.  For now, I still have a long way to go.

While we continue with this journey, we should not forget to think positive and start being happy now rather than wait for things that we want to happen before we be happy.

So that weight loss kinda lifted my mood up a bit when I was at the gym after being absent for like more than a month as I had to travel end of May and then fasting month ensued. The next challenge is having to maintain that weight loss. Also to lose even further. Frankly speaking, I'm not looking at drastic weight loss but just something that I feel comfortable in my own skin, even if there's rolls of fats to love, haha.

The following days after the 1st of July weren't so great as well. I even attended the funeral of an old friend of mum who got very sick in recent times. When I was at the cemetery, I was facing rows of new graves where the people had passed just mere days ago. I feel sad that our life is just a fleeting moment. We do not know when our days will be numbered. 

So we should learn to lead a life of greatness. We may still lead a simple and happy lifestyle but it should be one that we are proud of because within ourselves, we feel great. Having the ability to take care of our family, living a good life through our sheer hard work..and so  many other things that make our life feel fulfilled.

We may not feel so great on some days too, just like myself these whole week when I see my money dwindles down so much I can't even buy bread. I had to give excuse that there's no bread, when there was actually bread..though not the one I usually buy. The bread was even discounted at a special price. Yes I felt sad but I still got the things for the family and bought materials for the box card for delivery the next day.

The financial situation improved a little the next day when I received about $40 from my orders. I was so thankful that they contacted me for collection. I know nowadays not all customers keep to their promise of collecting the goods even after showing them that you have completed. It's honestly very sad. To them, they didn't lose any money but for me I did, and it was very sad because I wasted my time and money.

I had never felt so desperate for money. I was really down to the last $6 which I found actually in a red packet that I had slipped inside my planner. It was meant as a last resort only and the notes were actually very new and in running order. In the end, I didn't get to use it as I got paid for my orders which allowed me to top up ez link for travelling, pay for food and buy groceries.

I keep telling myself no more of such incidents of being so broke but unfortunately, it happened again. Now I can slightly breathe because my brother received his pay slightly earlier and he gave me a $100 which I am trying my best to make it last until my pay day this Wednesday. I will also be receiving my mid year bonus and based on the pay slip, I could stash away some money for savings, or at least keep me afloat for the next few months until December.

Then again, I will promise myself I will not be so broke again. Nobody likes the feeling of being broke. You feel so lost and helpless or even useless like a complete failure. But again, it is something that I must work on in order to feel great again and lead a life of greatness.

Let's all restart the engine and rev towards something great to look forward to. We should look forward to life that we want and life is too short to just think about problems only. We must also look for solutions and have goals in life that keep us motivated and looking forward to especially on days when we are not feeling so great. Good luck everyone :)

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Sunday, July 02, 2017

Ramadan Bazaar 2017 & Our Quiet Hari Raya Celebration

Hello!! Selamat Hari Raya to all my muslim readers. I know I should have said last Sunday since it was officially the first day and now it's been a week, oops. But it's not too late because the celebration is actually for a month. 

So this is one of the rare times that I managed to fast for one whole month. It's different this time because it was the first time that I fast at my new work place on weekdays. So basically I spent most of lunch time at my table. Sometimes I go out such as to the post office even I had to walk in the hot sun. I expected the post office to be crowded but it was not so that's a good thing. The distance, well..not so much, hehe. But I would say it was efficient when it comes to registered postage.

I also managed to go to the Ramadan Bazaar two times but the first time was to actually find a drinks stall. I actually went round twice and eventually found it..where I first entered the bazaar -_- It was to buy the Thai Milk Tea and it was sooo good..for a $4 cup, it was huge too. The first time I bought for takeaway, and saw that I had to carry two big cups, my eyes were like..so big, and I had difficulty carrying it together with a big bag of heavy ingredients to make cookies. 

Another trip was with my brother and it was a more thorough exploration. Okay, not really thorough..because you had to go there with a plan. Otherwise you will end up jostling a lot with the crowd where at some point, wouldn't move as they were finding for nice food to buy and eat. It was pretty packed at some key points such as where the popular stalls were. At one point, we were sweating because it was so hot in the cramped areas and with the crowd while waiting for our food to be prepared. There were a lot of young stallholders selling hipster and instagram worthy food. I would say they were not cheap so we were very selective. 

I didn't take the food pics but the stalls where we bought the food from. We should have done the former actually, lol. Just trying to be different. Overall, many people said that the entries of many of such hipster food and it's pretty pricey price tag somehow killed the festive atmosphere where previously, the food being sold were mostly traditional food. Also, there were also many foods being sold that were not halal, or permissible to be eaten according to Islam. And you won't know unless you have done your research, mostly by Muslim bloggers who took the effort to explore and ask the stallholders themselves if their food is halal.

Actually the need to be creative was also because the rent this year for the stalls were the highest as compared to past years. And because it was also competitive, they had to come up with such creative ideas and believe it or not, many of them were first timers in the f&b industry. So this was like a litmus test for them too. 

On Hari Raya day itself, my mum cooked traditional Raya food, sans coconut milk of course, hehe. Of course to be honest, coconut milk helped to add richness to the food and taste. But health comes first. It was still yummy to me but maybe other people used to the actual traditional Raya food may beg to differ. My mum can cook such standard fares and at times, I feel bad that she had to resort to my annoying strict diet, hehe..but it also opened her eyes to cooking healthier alternatives.

If you have been visiting, I hope you all had fun. I haven't gone visiting for ages, and if I do, usually to an aunt's place. I honestly had to lie that I go visiting when I talked to my colleagues at work though in actual fact, I don't. It doesn't quite bother me because I used to do so last time so I had all the experiences from back then, though not all were fun and I often wished I was back home quickly, haha. 

Anyway, here are some pics from the bazaar and the food we at home on Hari Raya itself. 


We had their yummy taco dendeng

These were thick cut potatoes slathered in cheese

I took this pic from the bus. It started moving though..hehe

Home cooked Hari Raya ftw!

Oh, I also included pics from the second day of Hari Raya which was on Monday. If the public holiday falls on a Sunday, we will get the following Monday off too. These pics were taken off the rooftop of Marina Square and the McDonald's of Shenton Way which is actually our favourite McDonald's location.










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The Simple Act of Smiling & Thinking Too Much

Recently, I found that I have been increasingly comparing myself to other girls and then getting upset that  I don't have, and perha...