Tuesday, July 31, 2007

Single and Picky

well..today i want to put my life back in order such as some work related stuffs..uhm...more like things that are so freaking backdated by a few months, I have managed to put them in order. of course im just halfway through but at least I cleared up those that needed to be cleared first coz it has been taking way too long. Or at least before they discovered most of their statistic pages for the past two months were missing..no thanks to me...haha..But i'll put it back tomorrow!!

currently im reading this compilation of articles written by a local columnist. at first, when i read her articles back then in the newspapers, I thought that she was milking the fact that she was single. To me, it's not an issue at all because we just have not found that someone who fill up the void in our life. But as I read through her articles, I would say that she was somewhat....like me. Trying to decipher what others meant and not taking whatever they say flat down. Hopeful...but not too hopeful. And we shared the same opinion that well....we're picky coz we dont want to end up with the biggest mistake of our life. We're picky too coz we cant afford to settle for second best. SO if we have to wait..then wait it is...let others breeze through life with their so called 'the one'...while we just take things slowly. We cant hurry love or we will end up getting hurt badly. We cant force love either so I have to accept it if Jensen Ackles of Supernatural fame rejected me although I will make his life miserable later.

But it's interesting to read or hear what others have to say when it comes to love/break up/rebound. SOme say that we should not get involved too early in a new relationship after a bad break up. SOme others may say that we should not be involved with our best friend's ex coz it will be messy. But..who wrote those damn rules? And then hearing someone saying 'i love you' to us....and then we dont get butterflies in our stomach....how do we react then? Should we pretend that we're in love with this person too and try to reciprocate or brush them aside with the so called promise that it is best we remain friends instead?

For me, I think it's a mixture of following our heart and trying to figure out what the heck is going on at the same time too. It's not easy I suppose but if you ask me, the best is to put our best interests forward first....while other people's opinions will count second. Unless of course it's glaringly obvious that this guy is a no no and we carry on still...then our stupidity cannot be plonked on to others.

Love is complicated. While it can bring us hope...it can also bring us down. Ultimately, it's supposed to offer us bliss but who am I to say..for someone who is not in love..or has never been. But one thing I can never stand no matter how nice the person sounds like is people promoting the idea of finding 'the one' and settling down with 'the one' just because they never open their eyes wide enough to see that not everyone has a happy marriage like theirs. Yes Im not that conventional sort of person who believes that our soulmate is somewhere out there probably hiding underneath some rocks, boulders or something. I do get scared being so called alone in the future even though it is a possibility that I can try to live with no matter how dumb I just sounded right now. But again I would say things take time to happen and if it doesnt happen yet, please....oh......please...spare my ears with your lecture on why being single is not a good thing.

Oh well...you know the deal...people will forever have opinions, stupid or otherwise but what are we to do then? Listen intently and then heed their advice so that we will end up being all trigger happy like them. YAH RIGHT! Go mind your own business...like uhm...making sure your husband doesnt have roving eyes or something.

Monday, July 30, 2007

Letter to Den

open letter to bugger:

well babe, it's been really nice knowing you..even though we may act like friends (you still owe me bubble tea you freak! k k..shall be nice) sometimes i think that we're not but just mere colleagues. i tried to treat you like in a more professional way from the way i talk to you but who am I to fool you. Okay, it didnt work either coz it will just open up an opportunity to 'bash' me up with words.

above all, you're like one of the nicest guys i know and as your so called friend, I do admire you sometimes coz I dunno...all the drivers I know are either ugly or old. So it was admiration by default. you colour my blog with entries regarding yourself which speaks nothing but your adoration of your own self. No Den, you can never be compared to the hunks in the pictures you saw. Not even in ten years. So forget it.

Im sad that you're leaving and hope that you're here to stay for at least until end of the year. Yes I do get annoyed with you sometimes if you try to hurry me up but after working with other drivers, they're not as good as you. Well Den (im so nice im calling you by your real name)...as hard as it is to swallow, I think that it is best for you to pursue this other job coz it's closer to your heart. So congrats in getting it. And who knows, though after this you're just a memory.....maybe we'll cross paths in the future coz seriously, how big can Singapore get. Some more you're gonna move somewhere quite near my place.

Good Luck Den..and even though I dont know where the heck you learn to call me as 'Ayu' which, let me tell you this, dont really get into my good books, I guess im gonna miss you calling me that (despite the shudders..). So buggeR! you'll always be my twisted beng with a heart.

Life without BuggeR

forget manicures. my fingers are so much in a sorry state right now coz of rashes that got worse and worse. But it's recovering pretty fast actually after I used this new tube of medicine from the doc..yes...the doc who has a busy night life who apparently forgot to prescribe this medicine until i asked his assistant for it. I hate to say this about you doc..but you used to be good looking but alamak, what happen now? I can see that you still try to maintain your err..youth...by spotting a what...new ear stud right now? Oh, and standing while tucking in your shirt blouse right after you press the door bell for me to come in is still a big fat NO!! geez....

Anyway, the end of the month has approached and I have to tighten my belt a bit when it comes to expenditures. Gosh, things are so expensive nowadays that money is akin to water..diluted before you can actually see where it is going. I just hope my mum doesnt have any plans of hers to use money on a whim and then expect to have the money still existing which is actually the next reason why I need to watch out. I know how she is. My mum is just the kind of person who will not listen to you or accept any of your reasonings no matter how logical they are or how illogical (a.k.a stupid) her questions are. You want to test your patience? Talk to my mum. You will convert from a very patient person to a hot tempered person with a snap of the fingers. That's me by the way....or anyone of you.

Oh, by the way...bugger is leaving and it seems that he is finally leaving for good. How can he not do that..next month we are operating on a six team basis instead of the usual four! He is like..okay! i surrender! Anyway, it's something expected and something that i have to get used to since you know...we're quite good friends. Hrm...friends that in a second of looking at me, he knew something was up and he was so adamant to find out what was wrong with me (somehow..he cant accept monosyllabic reasonings) and you know how foul moody you can get if you're down with flu in a cold as ice room. I didnt say I was sick though it was pretty obvious but he asked me the same darn question like why i looked so gloom a few times coz of the unsatisfactory answers I gave him that i just had to walk away quickly after saying thanks before i turn into a woman going through a hysterical fit. But I cant forget how nice and comforting he sounded that one's cold heart can easily turn into slush. Too bad it didnt make any difference to my flu.

Well, good luck to you bugger. I had already said my so called last words to him via sms by saying that he is the best driver around but he was like..uhm..but you never worked with other drivers before. Okay...............cant I just lie about it! But seriously, after working with other drivers for even a day or two, I would say that he is still the best in terms of efficiency and that he has never backstabbed us (unlike this one driver) or make us wait forever for his arrival (I can still remember that two bloody hours of waiting at another cluster!!). Plus, I do mean it when I told him..'but still..you can sometimes be annoying and irritating'.

Life goes on I guess. I wonder how is the next driver going to be like? I shall update on that...which I think wouldnt be that long.

Friday, July 27, 2007

The Fray - Look After You Accustic

my favourite song..i just love his voice! so soothing..if i can for one guy who is not that good looking but has God given voice like this, I'LL TAKE HIM..NO QUESTIONS ASKED!!!

Return of Spike

Being under the sniffy...aka...having cold...can only afford to provide you with this...

the return of my pre pubescent crush!!!

doesnt he look better than before? like he lost weight or something..or that he shaved off that irritating little goatie of his..you dont have to look older for me, my lurve...

now now mariah..dont start with the 'hes gay' thingey..coz hes not!

Wednesday, July 25, 2007

Turned Tables

im feeling under the weather....and it's not a very nice feeling even though i overcome the initial throat infection quite fast in just a day. That was considering i ran out of doctors' prescribed lozenges long ago. i was blogging about something half way but got too tired coz i think the issue was a bit the serious. It was just a response to mariah's article on gay guys. Well, the only summary i can give in regards to the AIDs epidemic being largely due to the growing gay population...well....i would say that it's not the only reason.

It's a culmination of different factors and not forgetting that it is due to the popular myth that only gays will get AIDs which lead to the problem being even more massive than before especially among the heterosexuals. It can happen among heterosexuals especially if they switch partners ever so often. SO seriously, there is no point finger pointing right now as to which is the actual cause. Just think about our children who are the innocent victims to our complacency and that they will never have a future over something that they didnt do. Let's just strive to put a stop to the epidemic before it's too late.

As usual, I would say that I may be rather liberal in my thoughts whether over the issue of race or one's sexuality because bottom line is, we're still humans trying to survive every single day and finding the meaning of life. Yes sometimes we tend to think alike or do similar things which easily make people justify us in a broader perspective and it may not be a fair judgment especially if not all of us do that. Whether or not we like it, we get involved in it indirectly. Of course I do get peeved whenever single people like me are being called a potential heartbreaker or worse...a slut...just because we talk to someone else's husband. Like what? Single people can only talk to other single men or women? Who set this rule? But people can say what they want to say...do what they want to do....we just cant shut out society. What to do...we just carry on with our life.

But generally, I think that we should not look down on others just because we dont do those things that they do which we condone. Just think, we dont like it when others stereotype us but we stereotype others? I mean we're all not perfect in the first place and then after writing this, I will stereotype the next person i see. Someone said that there is a racist in all of us so it cant be helped. But that's like saying we lack the ability to think. We can try to not do it so much or think about how it is like if the tables are turned.

So come on, banish those ugly thoughts and we just concentrate on ourselves rather than nitpicking others. I will do the same thing too..coz..well...who knows...i may be guilty of finger pointing too unknowingly.

Tuesday, July 24, 2007



mariah found out someone is gay..and man, what a big fat loss to our single community!! I dont believe this..but please repent! bertaubat lah!! coz i think he's not worth making the 'crossover'..actually he's worth it in all the right places but...RAHAYU NEEDS YOU!!!! YOU'RE MY ONLY HOPE..

how bloody desperate can I get?

seriously, the guy's cherubic face..(i blushed whenever i saw him! he's super cute! and he's malay! i dont do that to malay guys!!!) and rosy cheeks must be the pull factor for guys who are..well..you know...gay...but of all the men, why you?!! wenworth i can take it..but why YOU?!! oh my cherubic little angel.....i hope that whoever they spotted you with is just some passerby who took a liking to you or just a gatal male colleague of yours who touched in the sensitive areas and then people assumed you are like him. DRATS!!!!!

I dont know why im sounding upset when all this while I am not against gay love but it will be silly of me also to bid them farewell if they decide to crossover...especially if they're super cute. It's a huge loss for me! I may be happy for them secretly but i just want to kill the guy or guys of whom they are very the close with coz...it could have been me!

gawd i sound bitchy.

Please excuse me while i sink further and further into..singledom.

On a Serious Note

the other time i wanted to write some serious stuffs on my blog. well...you know how im always short of cash when it comes to spending for my family coz it's not easiy taking care of one..i can tell you that. i guess thats why im quite reluctant to start my own family because im not that up to it. now that my father is also taking his medicine regularly, every month i have to make my way to the hospital to get his medicine supply. it's not something that i mind..really....but it can be a financial burden. i was so lucky..and i asked God to help me out that hopefully the doctor would see him last monday even though his appointment had been pushed forward to august. it was the earliest date that they could give. my cashflow was so low that i had to change the previous appointment date and i was reluctant to do so knowing that his medicine supply will be affected as it was running low. the pharmacy would only release the medicine upon instruction by the doctor. I cant just go there happy happy demand the medicine that he often consume.

And then, my cashflow improved and it is something that im very very thankful about and with great sense of nervousness, I made my way there to the hospital with my father on the monday that we did not have an appointment. I knew the risk was quite high for them to turn us away since it was only based on appointments but I had no other choice. But to cut the story short, the doctor agreed to see us and even though the wait was longer than usual as she had to clear the cases for that morning first, I was very happy that she was able to give yet another three months supply of medicine and everything was so called returned to normal.

I would say that it had been tough for me for the last few months but earlier this month onwards, I am able to breathe a bit. SO much so that I kinda..uhm....let months of pent up frustration of very very very little shopping to be released..haha. But I dont go so over the top over it. Right..I almost did but you know how shopping had this feel good factor and I finally got to relive the happiness of obtaining the things that I had been pining for months or for over a year plus even. I mean..if you have a family to take care of, you tend to prioritise quite a lot and had to make sacrifices that include not being to get the things that you wanted. I was in that position. But maybe God just wanted to give me a reward or something for being almost out of my mind thinking how my family was going to survive on mere dollars.

For now, I dont have to worry much about that and Im pretty much done with the shopping and right now trying my best to stick with what is more important and that is food on the table. But even with grocery shopping, I dont have to be so freaking calculative over every little cent and have a wee bit of freedom when it comes to choosing the items. However, I guess that after months of being calculative, it is a little bit hard to shrug off which is good I think coz it keeps me in touch with reality. Yes initially I got lost a bit in my world of 'i want that!! no..i want that one instead!' and got er..more than a pair of shoes..and more than one bag..(but good thing they come in different sizes..haha..talk about being economical! same with shoes too..). Please dont see me any differently after I say this like Im carrying it too far or what but...i got myself some stuffs considered as..er 'branded'. DOnt get me wrong..these things I got were after careful analysis as to how much I have and how much I would have left and there was plenty left so it was safe to get them. It's not the spur of the moment thing.

And one of things Im happy about is that..I dont have to worry about transport money anymore. You know what...even topping up 1o dollars for my ez link card was not an option. Yes, it was that bad.

But then again, you know the deal.......good things may not last forever and before that day comes when I suffer yet again, Im taking things nice and slow now already. I hope my mother understand my position too and not get herself carried too far also. I know she has so called cravings like me for certain things and it is only times like this that she is able to get or the opportunity will not come again. But I guess she has also learned to be more balanced in terms of spending as family still comes first.

One more time, I thank God for our current financial position and even though we're not rich and im not talking about thousands of dollars even, it's at least enough to support my family till my next pay. This used to be one heck of a struggle especially come the second week..IF..I am lucky. So yah....that's just the serious entry I've been wanting to write about especially about that hospital visit. I am very very grateful that we did not get turn away. I dont quite feel like a failur to my father anymore and the cloud that had been covering me ever since the day I decided to change the appointment date had disappeared. At least my father's supply of medicine has not been interrupted.

Sunday, July 22, 2007

Perez Source on Wentworth

haha..it will set you free..bwahahaha...I love this perez website!

yup, apparently if things come from here, you know the deal....sorry wentworth fans..


wentworth miller - perez hilton's take

Scotty a.k.a Luke

I dont know anything about the show Grey's Anatomy but being on the subject of why some good looking guys are simply either taken or ... gay...I kinda got to hear some interesting news about one of their lead characters. I watched snippets of this show called brothers and sisters on youtube and one of the brothers is gay and in the first few episodes, he started dating this guy called scotty. Apparently, according to the comments left by the viewers, the actor playing Kevin's boyfriend..is actually rumoured to be gay in real life and then get this....is also the rumoured boyfriend of T R Knight who came out late last year after he was being called a faggot by one of the co stars. Obviously he could not take the swipe at him because 'faggot' is a big no no term for gays in general as it is considered offensive to them.

However that is not important including who the heck is T R Knight and that faggot rhymes with maggot. If the rumour is true, I would say what gorgeous partner he has....if they are truly dating. So you see! I told you good looking guys are gay! Darn it...

Luke MacFarlane

This is from the third or fourth eppy or something of the show. Initially his hair was longer. And then in the show, he would reappear spotting a different haircut which up his sex symbol status a bit (you lucky dog T R...) but in actual life, he's way more gorgeous proving that make up can actually make you older.

SO hot...

the couple

Not quite updated as to the rumour if they are seriously together even though they have been photographed together a few times but I think....if Im not wrong..they have broken up. Awww...who told you to be gay luke!

My opinion? Well...for all you know..he may be just a friend but if they are really a couple, I think they should be left alone just because his partner happens to be seriously hot stuff. I think thats the main reason why they are trailing him lah...he got good taste! hahaha...

So he and T R has broken up..and GUESS WHAT?!! he is dating...
Apparently this is like so freaking top secret affair thingey coz wentworth miller has not 'come out' yet..but this luke guy is so hot..he is dating the next hottest thing! wah...and rumour has it that they are moving in together. But everything is so hush hush since you know the deal with wentworth....if he ever declare he is gay, i would say good luck to Prison Break fans of whom are mainly girls who think that they should dump their boyfriends/fiancees/husbands...for him.
And then you know what will happen if they ever make a storm out of the house..so to speak..the ratings drop la! SO the drama..
But I love this hot couple! And yet again..I would say..there GOES another good looking guy..sighz....

Thursday, July 19, 2007

Food Hype

I feel so lethargic. Nowadays it's not every day I get to make it back to office so i've missed gym for the last one and a half week. Even if I do, it will not be a convenient time like go back to office early morning and then go outfield an hour later. Seriously, it's not a big deal like world hunger or something if Im not able to make it but it's just that....it takes a toll on me physically and mentally. Maybe im just imagining things but I guess once it has become a habit and you steer clear of it due to unforeseen circumstances, your imagination can turn wild. Ok im just consoling myself here..which by the way..is not working.

SO tomorrow, I may have to scrap that plan again regarding eating at secret recipe and indulging in the banana chocolate cake. Well, it helps one of them cannot make it....again..haha..so instead of being angry about it, I might as well go to gym as planned before that. Much to my surprise..despite my sporadic moment of overeating due to engagement with friends or family, my weight doesnt change much. Maybe it does in between..but i kinda give myself a time period to lose it all back and then naturally, I will go back to the same darn weight during the next weight check.

Before you fall asleep reading my neverending battle, on the forefront, I took up this great suggestion by mariah to eat veggies the salad way. I know I've always been complaining about the way veggies are cooked from malay stalls. This time round, the veggies I ate just now were not oily but...alamak mak cik, the garam..can kill a person man. Yes I know peria or bittergourd are supposed to be..err..bitter..and that no many are fond of the taste. But doesnt mean you should seriously put a tonne of salt in it. The french beans...same same..salty as well. I thought the egg was salty as well but I think my taste bud had been messed up already. So when I reached home, I grabbed the pre packaged salad and then ate it with tuna mayo with wholemeal bread, ate three pieces of cooked sushis as snack and a plain waffle. Whenever I don have a good lunch, I tend to have a better appetite during dinner but still trying to keep it light. that's why I tend to fume a lot about bad lunches since it's the only meal of the day I can eat the usual portion.

Actually Ive got better things to write about..which does not involve bugger or....this whole crap load of me missing gym sessions..haha. It's rather serious and no...it's not about me finding a guy I finally took a liking too and decide to spend the rest of my life with. But I guess I shall leave that to tomorrow coz I was frustrated with myself just now. It's one of those mood swings moment.

Well, nothing about bugger today but yesterday, gawd...he seriously can talk even though I was obviously rushing to get the paperwork done..running in and out of the school office which thank God was just next door. I remembered previous drivers would just sit in one corner quietly and wait for us to get our job done totally and then take the things. There was one moment of peace when he took the lightbox away to keep in his van and just as I thought I get myself a quick solitude moment to tie loose ends, he was back so fast and the chatterbox started again.

I didnt make eye contact with him when he talked or I gave little response. He just continued on and on but after some thoughts after lunch (you need food to get the brain juices going..) maybe coz he's mostly on his own doing delivering duties so when he sees us..he tends to talk like he doesnt see us for so long. I dont know about the rest though whether is he this freaking chatty but I just know they like to layan him first or make him less 'lonely' so to speak..hahaha. For me it's like work first..talk later...or dont talk at all...unless I want to go back late...that's basically my motto which is finish fast fast and get the hell out fast fast..

But yesterday, I had to handle quite a lot of paperwork since I was away on leave and being a team leader, I cannot be a touch and go sort. With a half baked partner, it's not an easy task. Actually I was almost done when he came..at least the bulk of it..except the acknowledgement form...so I guess it was a great opportunity to chat la..haha.

I forsee if you're in a relationship with a guy like bugger, you'll never get bored. Ade aje yang dia nak ckp or he basically has things to talk about unlike the usual complaints of girls that their guys dont seem to interact much with them or you need to threaten them at gunpoint before they spit it out.

But I dont know if he leaves...whether I am going to keep in touch with him. I feel like I want to close the chapter so to speak. I am known to get along well with people at work so well that we basically go out after work too occasionally to shop around or just have dinner together. Sometimes it's not just after work but during work as well that we become this bunch of schoolgirls yakking and laughing away such as yesterday when we took neoprints in a photo booth and it was damn fun as we got tired halfway changing standing positions..haha..But for bugger, I hold a different viewpoint coz he's a guy, maybe? Plus my whole department is female except my supervisor (poor guy..) so it's a different ball game altogether. And in my own social life, I have no guy friends. Ok except for Azam..he's like a saviour of sorts.

We see how it goes..isnt that what life is about? GOod things come and go...your weight goes up and down...your appetite remains voracious....and I get prettier and prettier.....in my dreams. I just have to complain less about it if things dont go to according to plans..haha..

Monday, July 16, 2007

Harry Potter and the Bugger

actually..I wrote about bugger yesterday but it turned out to be the start of a gripping essay..bwahahaha!! no, I actually wrote that I chat with him via msn last friday and so now, officially he has invaded my favourite world of solitude...the internet...after office working hours. And I thought he was the one who said that he just wanted to add me but not talk..and gee..who started the ball rolling? And guess what..he is still the bugger that he is...with a conversation full of emoticons (which doesnt really get into my good books..veering towards total annoyance). he said a 'hey..' followed by a nudge..you know that thing that sorta makes your window vibrates. In this case, since he sent the nudge at the start of the little window at the side prompting a conversation from someone, my pc got stuck a bit. And then when I said I got the shock of my life (no..seriously), he laughed and did it again....on purpose.

OH well..but anyway, conversing with him was quite fun coz it felt like like im talking to a girl..bwahahaha..with all the good natured bashing...while at the same time, gripping about work. Geez, talk about wanting to keep it at a professional level which I did try..with great difficulty...especially when it comes to calling him up for some work matters like supplies...whether he sent the equipments..that sorta things...but it will NEVER be a one off thing..like ask and put down the phone. It will somehow veer off to a ten minute conversation...haiz..so nowadays we just messaged. I think he got the drift that it's better to message than call too..haha..coz seriously, he....being a guy and all...strangely...can be quite chatty like a girl. I can say two words..and he can say ten like a bullet train that it's hard to catch up. I swear he is not living up to his ah beng image at all...hahaha...

Anyway, I caught the harry potter movie over the weekend with mariah. My take on it? Okay...here's the thing..Im not up to date on the books nor on the movies so half the time I dont know who the characters are but after watching quite of a few of them, I sorta got a slight idea. Infact, I even thought that this was the goblet of fire until mariah corrected me saying that this is the order of the phoenix. oh...So im not a die hard fan if on my own, I wouldnt pick the harry potter series as one of my movie choices but basically, if Im asked to watch it, it's not quite a biggie.

But having watched the previous ones, I would say that the action part is a tad disappointing. Im like..'huh? thats it?!' I love Ron as usual....and he seemed to take in Hermione's swap at him good naturedly..like as if he was implying...'oh...she likes me...' haha..Dunno why but they sorta reminded me of Kim Possible and Ron..heck, they even have the same first name! Sorta like good friends..then in the fourth series, they're a couple...awwwww......SO yah, im more a cartoon fan than a book fan..haha.

So there's the usual introduction of new characters and mystical creatures but I think the best addition is Luna. I like her positive vibe a lot and cho chang..or whatever crap her name is...WASTE OF TIME! I thought Luna was a better option as in a kissing partner. Cho Chang's actress...beat thousands of other girls during the audition? The ones who chose her okay or not? But me and mariah concluded that maybe she got the look of a traitor..bwahaha...not so much for her acting skills..if there were any...

Anyway, it didnt feel like the movie was draggy and to think I wanted to equip myself with enough food for the three hours. I ended up with just a cup of bubble tea..haha..I think half the time I was being kept awake for the fact that I was trying to practise self control of not leaving the cinema...the very crowded cinema..for a toilet break.

One good thing about this movie is that....well........there's unison among the students instead of just harry..harry..harry. Yah i know they dont call it harry potter the movie for nothing and that he's the chosen one..blah blah blah...but harry is nothing without his friends and the help of his professors or even other people for that matter against 'you know who' (i thought that was a cute way of calling him..). He is still vulnerable and not able to stand up against the strength of evil yet but subsequently, the movies..or even the books for that matter....also shows that no one is immune to death no matter how powerful they are..what more..harry potter..a young schooling wizard. Even the headmaster himself will eventually die in the hands of the dark forces. I may not have the book...but boy do I have the internet.

Well, so there you go! rahayu's very personal account of what she thought of the movie. I will give it a....three out of five stars. Any lower, I will get a slap from mariah who is totally nuts over the whole harry potter thingey.

Sunday, July 15, 2007

Fancy Dissing Local Men


i just read this article in a magazine and she was over the moon about her ang moh boyfriend and he's a heck lot better than local chinese men. funny she should do the comparison considering she never dated any local chinese men before. Then her current boyfriend and ex boyfriends have been nice to her especially the current one who never failed to say how beautiful she is even though I seriously beg to differ. I know Singaporean men are pretty narrow minded and they're not very gentlemenly especially when it comes to boarding the bus and no matter how heavy your load is, they SOMEHOW tried to squeeze through the side. I feel like im fighting for my life everytime I go up the bus. And they dont help to press the lift button when I go up too and there I am struggling to stick out a finger to press the button for my floor.

But just like her, I love ang moh guys..purely coz they're so freaking good looking with out there features and i-like-to-pinch biceps. They are also not as kiasu as our local chinese singapore men..ah..truth be told..local men of all races!!

HOWEVER, what she is going through right now is what I call a honeymoon period. Seriously woman, wake up and open your eyes a bit. Fancy dissing the local men when you're there writing basically about the little things your current boyfriend does that make you see stars in your eyes. How would you know our local men are not able to say or do those things. Just because your friends' LOCAL boyfriends sucks and then you don get a good seat on the bus, you cant go about dissing them. Dont you even read the gossip pages of La La Land? They can just drop you like a hat where else the local men....though timid and shy at times (which explains why im boyfriendless) they can be more faithful and probably think twice before dumping you. Why? COz they're so shy and timid, that the sheer mention of 'let's break up' will get a tight slap across the face making them change their mind in a quickie as in 'i was just joking!!!' hahaha........

But then again, I have never dated seriously..and er..seriously, I have never dated..whichever you want to put it...it's the still the same. I am not gonna be all for local men or all for caucasian men because men..no matter what their race is, can be a lot to handle..almost like caring for a baby. Okay more specifically, a little devil reincarnation.

Like I said she is still in the honeymoon period where the guys will never fail to impress especially when the relationship is still new. This is the same for both local, foreign or whichever race they are. I would say....she has to be careful coz if she relies too much on him making the first move in the relationship while she bask in his 'glorious' praises to boost her flailing self confidence (and writing this stupid article) then he will be gone finding a new chinese chick. I dont think that will be a daunting task for him coz Im positive the rest of the female chinese population like WAY better than her.

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Caucasian Invasion

man...the weather has been a killer for the past few days except today. it was hot hot hot all the way and it affected me physically..a.k.a..i look even more damn fugly lah! pimples sprouting on my face and my shoulders (Ack! there goes my boat neck blouses!) and my hair..frizzy, freshly washed or not, doesnt make any difference. today's rain had been rather hopeful and my umbrella had been in the 'storage' for so long that when I took it out finally, few threads came loose when the wind blew hard at it. good thing the bus stop was rather nearby.

you know what i notice about my neighbourhood recently or even during the mrt rides to work? there's a sudden influx of ang mohs or caucasians ah! no..im not complaining coz if i do, i need to be slapped across the face for not appreciating their presence but then again do slap me if I look at other people's ang moh husbands who are so darn good looking. They have blended well into the heartlands that it can be quite a sight..a good sight i mean...seeing them mingling with us Singaporeans. Yesterday I even saw this caucasian couple with a malay lady besides the commonly seen caucasian people living with chinese families and im guessing they are staying at her house. hrm...should i sub let my room? only single male caucasian (preferably good looking) in their mid twenties can apply. the rest...pls look further.

well...im looking forward to the weekend! like what i told mariah, my onlie source of motivation is not harry potter's movie, but the ramen dinner..heh (i love spicy japo food!! as long as they're cooked and not half cooked or raw..)..yah i know...im lousy. Friday...most likely i would be having a small gathering with another three of my close knit colleagues at secret recipe. For once, I dont have to admire the cakes behind the glass displays and sink into one!!! this is an indulgence that cannot be missed! lunch for the past few days had been sucky and im anticipating tomorrow wont make any difference. cant i just have a decent bowl of bee hoon noodles or fish ball noodles WITHOUT gunks of swimming oil?! they seriously need to do revamp this whole healthy eating campaign among the malay food stalls instead of just promoting dunno what slimming programmes lah or herbal diet pills lah coz seriously, Singaporeans love to eat. So go to the core of it! Provide healthier eating options and alamak mak ciks, it doesnt take you much to pre boil the bee hoon noodles instead of relying just on yellow noodles or kway teow noodles because it is much easier to prepare.

So much for preaching when Im gonna end up eating a plate of banana chocolate cake later....

well, i dont call it a once in a blue moon indulgence for nothing!

Swopped Around

Im reading a book by Nicholas Sparks called A Walk to Remember borrowed from a colleague of mine coz I've been wanting to read it for so long but never got round to getting the book. Let's just say..Im not really into buying of books so when I got to know she had it, well....the rest is history. Now Im not really a voracious reader even though I wouldnt mind reading through a book but half way through I will find it a drag. I watched the movie before and I just felt like going straight into the middle where the juice of the story is and get it over and done with. But the novelty of it will be lost and I would not get to know the characters better which the movie merely skimmed through although knowing me, I'd rather you give me the gist of the character and I will be easily contented already. Im also not the type who would actually bother to read through from the start to find out what happen in the end. I have no qualms going through the back of the page to see what happened actually and then going back to the starting and reading it as though I wouldnt know what will happen in the end.

Okay...so you can probably tell I got no patience for books and if the book is very thick, I would say boring level will be no 8 on the scale of 1 to 10 and Im just being nice.

Anyway, enough about books.

Just now I covered another cluster after they swopped me around and there I was...ended up at one of the schools I hated most at east coast road. It brought back memories back before this cluster shit..meeting up with the other teams..and then taking the bus no 12 from this one bus stop along the road all the way back to office while drinking our bubble tea bought from the foot of the building near the overhead bridge.

This time I was not working with the usual ex member that Im close with but a new girl. She's alright...very hardworking and very systematic which puzzled me as to why her leader whom I'm covering for was so paranoid that she kept calling me to drop her gentle reminders about certain things. SHe called me in the morning la...during my lunch la...my break ah..and then after screening la...which later I kinda screamed at her in non violent way saying 'NOW WHAT?!' Apparently her last reminder was to ask if she had remembered to download the school for tomorrow last week coz she was away on mc and worried if the girl forgot or what. And by the way, did you know where she make the call? In the toilet!! It's like she suddenly remembered and there and then just HAD to make the call...but she is actually my very good friend cum my step mother at work so we're actually on good terms.

I got to know her better coz all the while I only saw her in the office and thought of her as hardworking and err..as guilty as I may sound...quite 'slow' which equates to being inefficient coz after 5pm she was still doing work at her laptop. But then again she's newer compared to me so it takes time for her to get round it and perhaps do some short cuts here and there and prioritise better such as spending lesser time on unimportant things and just cut to the chase. But it takes experience to speed up the work process and with a worry wart as a leader, well good luck man..haha..

Oh by the way, we waited for two freaking hours for the driver to come by! This being another cluster, it was not D and it was things like this that made me realise that as annoying as D is at times, he's actually quite a good planner and thinks in advance but not just to his convenience but to ours also so he's hardly late for pick up. Even if he is late, he is usually held up by the other team who are still doing work even though he has arrived or he will be coming from the other end of Singapore. If the latter is the case, he will usually call or message in advance and do some priority planning even though with my team, he kinda always expect to pick up mine first so the annoyance come from his so called motivation that I can finish within a certain a time period given by him..what the hell.

But from how this particular driver works, it's totally different and it doesnt matter if you're the first one to call lah or the the last one to call lah, which one he is nearby first he will go first. This team followed by another team all along one straight route instead of jumping from this team to another team or making a U turn just coz this team called first and then proceed back along the route. All coz he wants to save petrol.

WHen I heard that waiting for him for almost two hours is a norm, my jaw almost dropped. But at the same time they pity him in the sense that he is scrimping on money because he has to take care of two one year plus twin daughters. Then to them he is also a nice man after knowing that his wife is deaf and dumb which to them is pretty unusual although one of them was being cynical by saying that she saw the photo and she was like..okay she's pretty no wonder he didnt mind..haha. But still, two hours?!! Yes I know your tyre exploded at about 2pm but when I heard him telling that new girl he went all the way to Jurong to get his tyre fixed at a workshop, Im like surely there are other nearby places?!!! This is bad planning to the..er..B!

Sorry lah maybe coz Im not used to his working method being under D for so long of whom I was planning to just ignore him if he messaged tomorrow to ask if I could finish at a certain time. After today, I dont think so lah coz after all there is nothing wrong if we can wrap up earlier although this still depends coz as much as I do want to get it over and done with quickly, I cant hurry up the work process and then make plenty of mistakes along the way so it all depends. But whatever timing I give him (after ignoring his pleas) is usually spot on in the sense it is really the actual timing everything is all ready for his collection except for some minor last minute stuffs like handing over of the assessments as well as retrieving back the feedback form. At least the bulk of the work is over.

To me right, it pays to be nice to others but it doesnt pay to be too nice that everything is delayed and the person is allowed to escape with little excuse. I may also fall into the category of being too nice to people but when it comes to work, I take on a different personality. Sometimes my real personality will seep through and I can be quite flexible but if it comes to protecting my team's integrity especially when I feel that we're being pushed around or treated like we're right below them, I can be rather firm. For all I know this is a free service and we're not their slaves to work us like dogs.

So yah like I said I have to be nice to D..and this is the second time in a row already! SO I made a new friend..okay so called friend just now..and it is my mistake in judging her too quickly. I think the rest of us too who thought she is very unfriendly. But still nothing beats my ex partner from last month who also came about the same time as her. We both share the same psychotic genes..

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

Single Blog

Actually, I have this other blog which I have been maintaining for almost a month that chronicles my life and my thoughts as a single young female. There is no sappy 'I need a boyfriend..fast!' story but just some frustrations that I let out when it comes to people's viewpoints on single people like me as if we're going through a streak of bad luck..being single. It's stupid lah...I mean...good for you if you have your other half but life still carry on for me. It also contain my viewpoints on Love which I feel is a pretty open concept and that doesnt mean I dont have a boyfriend, Im not being showered with enough love. It's a lot of bull seriously and like what I said in my previous previous entry, I dont need your pity too if no guy seems to pour out their inner desire to be with me for the rest of their freakin life.

Yup! Happy reading..it's on my friendster account since I go there quite often so it makes sense to set up a blog there.

my committed single life

Brothers and Sisters

Okay...Im so excited that they are gonna have this new show called Brothers and Sisters. I watched its video clips on youtube and it's pretty neat. But the main reason why I want to watch it is because I get to see Kevin on tv instead of this LCD monitor!!!! No, Kevin is not hunkalicious or drool worthy. You see, Im not that shallow all the time. I have a weak spot for average looking guys too.

This show is about the Walker family which is pretty much in shambles after their father died. There are 6 siblings being taken care of a single mum but they're very well to do family and very well grown up too. The youngest is a dedicated army guy which the mum worries most because you know lah...youngest wat. Then there is this workaholic sister who later will get engaged to a handsome looking democrat and in between some other sisters and brothers which I dunno much about coz Im not interested. And there's Kevin...a lawyer who has his fair share of relationships that dont always work for the fact that he can be...cynical. Tsk..lawyer what. But his second relationship was a very sad break up but it's not because of him. In the end, the season finale, he did hook up with one and there is a twist to this but the relationship looks promising and Kevin, in his own words, finally tried to follow the rhythm of the other person rather than be all self centred about it which actually killed his first relationship. And to think he was given a second chance...yet..he ruined it. I only follow up on his life..the rest..like I said..I dont really care.

But despite all that, they're pretty close knit except for some squabbles here and there...you know..rich people=i want to kill you coz i want to take over all the family's wealth thing..

Seriously, there IS a reason why they showed it at 11 instead of the usual prime slot. Dont worry....i know what you're thinking, it's still a family show so there is no indecent exposure (I hope..) but being Singaporeans..we're very much the hypocrites...say only we are open minded but actually we're not. yah like as if Desperate Housewives is family friendly too. Pfft...they're just a bunch of psychotics and the producers are trying too hard to replicate the success of the first season. So how do they try to drive up back the ratings? I can only say sex sells....storylines suck, nevermind....but sex still sells. If they only depend on who screw who....and who is not supposed to screw who..but still screw anyway...onlie time can tell if this show is going to be around for long.

Well, you can always watch Supernatural...or Brothers and Sisters. Im only saying!

Monday, July 09, 2007

Singapore Magic

I just had to comment about this...

I watched this show called Illusi where..obviously..it's about magic and the unique thing about this is that it is performed by a local Malay magician. Now Im not gonna preach about how this is the works of the satan..black magic..blah blah...but I just got the chuckles over the whole conversation that sounds typically Singaporean.

man to crane driver: 'ah huat! later you drop the box at the count of 3, okay?'

crane driver: 'drop the box? but got man inside leh!'

man: 'yah..just drop the box! after we count 1..2..3...'

then after the deed had been done and the illusionist stood on the hood of the crane truck..

illusionionist (to the crowd there..): 'woi!'


Sunday, July 08, 2007


Let me introduce to you....

bugger saying hello and doing the bunny rabbit at the same time..

yes..thats BUGGER!!! Or D..as in his nick here..you know the annoying little pest that ive been talking about like I dunno...for months and more recently nowadays.

I must admit he looks slightly older in the picture..bwahahaha!!! I didnt take the shot but a colleague of mine did which she bluetoothed to me without telling me what picture she bluetoothed.

Recently, he has been a good help as in being more than just a driver but knowing him, it's just his way of manipulating by turning on his so-called charm and then 'pressurizing' me into finishing earlier so that he can collect faster. He also has questions for me regarding our work which he sometimes call to ask but I may not have all of the answers to his questions. Recently he asked why next month the schedule is tighter and I'd answer because this month is loose so next month they make it tighter la! Tsk..bothersome. I suppose he's slapping his forehead from the other line. At least it's better than him answering me back when I said that well, previous drivers had to cope with 5 teams so I dont see why he cant handle since they're way older than him (specifically, mid fifties). And he said that last time policemen wear bermudas but now they wear pants. Im like..'what have this got to do with POLICEMEN?!!'

I mean, frankly speaking..we do pity his job as a driver and working for this company that seriously 'milk' them dry even at night and on Saturdays with not much pay. But at the same time, we also have our fair share of work problems and have this endless one after another tests..haiz...

So that's bugger to you...my friendly neighbourhood driveR..who now claims he is a famous singer who has to tell his female fans he is gay but actually he's not because there are just too many stalking him. THIS is after they told him recently that he looks like some famous singers including Rain..the Taiwan sensation..you know the guy with small eyes but to-die-for body.

Dream on lah buggeR.

Friday, July 06, 2007


im happy....

im happy coz I no longer have to think if I can afford to give my family food after work..scrimping like crazy..just to make sure I have enough money to buy bread, tissue and whatsoever essential household. Thank You God for making my life easier now and at least not make me suffer...until my next pay. But even with the next pay, I will get a bit extra (it's a bonus thing..) and yet another month will pass by with less suffering. Provided I dont go on a wild shopping spree..which is unlikely actually considering that I think I suffered WAY enough.

this is something that I will NOT take for granted and will act as per normal and not think that now I dont have to think thrice..but just twice maybe....

Im grateful for help like this because trust me, it can be difficult living on a single income and trying my very best not to affect them in any way. I also want to thank my mum for not being so demanding over the expenses too and helping me in ways that she can even though the money that she has depends on me too.

Thank U God..

Tuesday, July 03, 2007

Super Sexy and Cool

I....have decided to have this as a life long mission. Go 'yeah rite' all you want..but...I aim to be...sexy and cool..haha..And no, I want to give out that all womanly vibe in me without resorting to skimpy clothing or bust bursting tops. Actually, the second one is quite an option..but no...must....con.....trol......

I want to be the sort where I can just wear an ordinary looking shirt and with just a subtle make up and then a pair of sandals, but one look...I can derive attention from others, be it male or female. Hrm, sounds like a perfect excuse to get sloppy..haha..Anyway, I would have that 'look at me...I dont need to work a sweat to get attention from you'..hehe..like real.

So! people...let's see, in this month of July, what can rahayu do to achieve at least 50% of her mission:

1. have great looking hair - very the vital.
shampoo...condition...hair mask...
now that I have got myself a conditioner that makes my hair less electrocuted looking, i think i can do this. And then I will follow what I have been practising which is not to touch my hair too much although on a windy day, that can get SUPER irritating but if my hair was well conditioned like just using the new conditioner, it shouldnt be such a biggie.

2. have good standing posture
sandals or heels...I will try to maintain a good posture which means no slouching!

3. wear fitting clothings
okay, believe it or not, when you wear clothes that actually fit you, there is lesser chances of you looking sloppy. I know most of us real girls have serious body issues whether existing ones or in our heads but if we always focus on the so called less attractive parts of our body, then we're abandoning that nice long leg of ours or toned shoulders as opposed to our tummy that 'sticks out'.

WELL! If you and I are aiming to be sexy, without resorting to cheap dirty tricks, we can do it by at least enhancing the parts of our bodies that we like..or at least...can tolerate a little bit better. So dont cover up unnecessarily by wearing baggy looking clothings. It wont work. For example, I like my shoulders and even though they're not super well toned but at least it's better than my tummy..haha..so I emphasised on the shoulders more.

4. maintain good facial hygiene
you tell me, how to be sexy if your face is super oily looking and zits appear everywhere? okay I admit I have problem skin due to its high sensitivity level but at most, blotters and a bit of make up (with non of that thick cakey sort bullshit and thinly drawn eyebrows) will sorta cover up a bit. Anyway, our face is where most of the focus is when people look at us so basically I need to practise keeping it extra clean and slowly get rid of the previous acne scars with daily treatments. Frankly speaking, that sounds like a LOT of work to me..haha..

5. be confident
sounds easy..but veeeeeerryyy tricky so couldnt emphasize more. but basically, if we're confident of ourselves, we can be very big in size or skinny as a bamboo pole, it doesnt stop us from charming the socks off people by standing tall and dont be too conscious of our bodies. I can be SO freaking paranoid over trivial body matters but I shall now put that to a rest. To be sexy, we dont look down on ourselves right? Gawd...am I being sarcastic to myself here!?

Actually, I can only think of these lah but I still think hair plays a major part. Flip here..flip there...pout my lips here..pout my lips there..wooh!! Cant wait to get started!!

or have I already started it..


Monday, July 02, 2007

So Ordinary

Like what I've said before, I have been trying to follow closely this love saga thingey from a UK teen drama and while entertaining myself after one gripping storyline after another, Im starting to have this thing for british guys..haha...

Okay...and they can be really good actors even though if the accent is too thick, I have problems understanding but they sound oh-so-sexy. Whats your take over ordinary looking guys of whom over the time will charm the socks off you and then you realise slowly why other girls are so hung up over them? Initially you're like..'huh? this kind of guy?!!' right? I think it's the same in real life where you would never thought that you will end up with the kind of guy who is average looking and not the type you just salivate over his looks. SLowly you will realise, hey...love is INDEED blind..haha..no, what I meant was, heck...you just have to look hard enough and beyond your expectations..at least the physical part (like for example, you love defined biceps but his biceps look like that of a girl..) to find a gem hiding within which slowly reveals its true beauty and banishes your shallow thoughts. Geez, I sound so poetic over this guy..

See, he was overshadowed by Spike at first coz SPike is all...physical..heh...but the more I watch this guy, the more I empathised with his character and the more........he makes my day..or night. He looks like the caucasian version of the typical average sized Chinese guys here over in Singapore that dont quite make rahayu do the double take.

James Sutton..you're an unusual candidate for hot guys in my list..but you worked hard. Now Im like..'SPike, who?!'

ps: yes mariah, SPike is gay..geez.......is it tat obvious?!!

Long Weekend, A Little Rambling & My Lack of Gratitude

The day I discover IG filters It's almost mid week to August..argh. I am in the midst of a long weekend, which sadly will come to ...