Living Each Single Day

Hey, welcome to my little online space. I would say this is a blog of sorts, to help me sort out my thoughts. I also write about things going in my life with friends & family and being out and about in sunny Singapore. Life isn't easy, everyone knows that. While we are at it, don't forget to live life to the fullest :)

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Monday, November 24, 2014

Just Keep Moving

Just as I thought I had risen from my problems, I faced another similar setback and now, while I'm still sad about my current situation, I want to take it upon myself that I should do whatever it takes within my control, to make things better. This is because I realized that this is the only way to go if I ever want to get out of undesirable situations and as long as I do something, work at it, I'll get to reap the rewards in small doses.

When I look around me, I can't help but think how carefree their life is as they go about their own daily life. But if I were to take away the filter, back home they may have problems of their own and every single day poses a challenge to them. I choose to continue to pray to God to help me along as I go through the obstacles that I face in life, to give me the strength so that I am able to continue to be focused on what I want to achieve to make things better for me and my family.

How we choose to add value to our life depends on the meaning we give to it. If we perceive our life as being useless and pointless, then that's how it is going to be. If we know that things will get better, we consciously or unconsciously make big and small changes to gear our life towards something better. Of course people may argue how do we make things better if we're facing a certain life threatening illness where living becomes pointless already. 

We take it upon ourselves that no matter what happens, we must live to see another day to see our loved ones and every pain and suffering will be overcomed by our strong desire to live for them. At the very least, if things come to a downfall and there's nothing left that can be done, at least we know that we have tried our best and we leave it to fully treasure every single time we have with them.

But we don't have to wait for something truly major to happen before we start taking charge. It's going to be a long and tough journey at times but we just have to keep moving and do what we can to make things better. 

For now, I've experienced many times how my idea to just keep moving while doing something about it helps and I will continue to do so. Besides, thinking too much about my problems gives me an annoying headache which render me helpless as I couldn't do much but just want to rest and rid of my headache. By the next day or so, I'll feel nothing but guilt for not doing much and the whole pity game starts again. 

Let's just keep moving people, no matter what and remember, you're not alone in this journey.

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Sunday, November 02, 2014

Studying Resumed for Module 3. The Trials & Tribulation.

I've resumed studies just three weeks ago, and I'm happy to be going to school, sleeping during some parts of lecture (heh..) and writing furiously the model answers to one of the tutorials. Oh, and not forgetting number crunching for the accounting lecture and tutorial. I admit it's tough for me because I've a full time job which I quickly have to rush from to attend the classes and then be home at 11 plus after doing some grocering shopping for mum. Then I have to wake up one and a half hour to two hours earlier to fulfill my orders for my online shop and have to continue parts of it at work, without people noticing, especially my boss. 

But other people are also going through difficulties and they've come to this close giving up when they face with personal and family problems. For one of the students, she hasn't been coming to class for the last module, in the last two months of school including the presentation itself. Apparently the tutor called her and she was actually enjoying herself in Krabi. She made up her mind to give up already so she didn't bother coming for the presentation. 

Somehow, the tutor managed to talk her around and just ask her to simply come and present which she eventually did when she landed in Singapore and immediately and feverishly worked on preparing her presentation. So here she is, talking to us and telling us the 'miracle' of having to pass all the 3 modules including everyone's killer subject, the ECONOMICS. Yes, I need to emphasize that word, haha. She was so much in disbelief that she had to screenshot her results and showed her other friend to tell her in her face, that she had indeed passed.

In the process, we did lose a classmate who gave an excuse that his leg was hurting because he walks with a limp. But eventually, his real excuse was that he didn't want to continue as it got harder. My classmates who had been rallying him to continue eventually found their own reasons to not continue, for example the money issue and family problem.

However thankfully, they pulled through by paying the money for the next module to continue getting three more certs and the eventual diploma. For me, I have no reason to quit. Being a single income earner for the fam, and who barely have enough to scrap through to the next pay, money is probably my biggest issue. But thankfully, despite the rise in school fess, my financial situation qualifies me for the bursary to pay for them although even then, I had to fork out partially using my own money as I used part of it to cover the household expenses. 

In life, we have many setbacks. I used to think why can't I eat in family restaurants like these people anytime I wish or idle my time away on my iPad. To me, that's not important anymore. If I can afford to buy it, then it's good at least for the family restaurant part as it's nice to treat your family once in awhile. Other than that, material goods like the iPad, doesn't add value to my life. I don't' think I have any use for it. I would rather get a new laptop so that I can do my school work and run my online shop without having to share with my brother.

But investing in education, or any form of learning that add value to your life, is worth it. It's tough but then again, if it's too smooth sailing, then we won't be grateful for the certs that we get as we felt we didn't work hard enough for them.

If you're in a brink of quitting your studies or going through exams thinking why am I doing this to myself (like I did when I had my last exams in August), just think of it as sacrificing now for a better future. All the best!

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Saturday, November 01, 2014

Being Giving Even When You're Down & Out

 I've been talking about being in a difficult position in my last few posts but determined to get back on track. I take this opportunity of a new month to continue to be productive. and hoping things will get better.
But in the moment of hardship like this, it's not an excuse to stop helping people and being kind to others just because we think we ourselves need help. God bless kind people with abundance and even if that abundance is not of luxury standards, it is a means for us to continue to live and more importantly, be happy and healthy for ourselves and for our loved ones.

You've probably seen this video before but it wouldn't hurt to watch it again below. It shows you how mean people can be to other people with a simple request. But a homeless man who is going through a rough time and would probably hog the free pizza box all by himself because he can't afford the pizza, WILLINGLY shared it without any hesitation.

His kindness was paid in kind and he cried tears of joy that his one simple act give him abundance. It's not a thick wad of cash, a brand new iPhone or iPad. It's just a small token, which he didn't gleefully count, that will probably let him get by the next few days with food or even a pair of shoes because he's practically barefoot. 

Watch the video and be prepared to be touched by this kind homeless man who will make you re-think about how you view other people. If you've been treating people unkindly because you think they're beneath you, you'll never know when if one day, YOU will get into a situation where you need the help of others.

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Monday, October 27, 2014

I Should Have Known Better

The last couple of weeks have been hard for me and as I'm trying to climb my way back up again, I prayed to God to give me the strength to face this tough time. I've also been doing some self reflection and I know that this is just a way to test me to not falter and to learn from my mistakes. However difficult the position that I'm in right now, He's also helping me out during these tough times.

This week, I prayed to Him to help me receive orders through my online shop so that I can continue to support my family. For the first time ever, I received a whopping 8 orders just this week itself. Such a miracle and I'm truly blessed for it. I've also received some financial help that would help me get through this week. 

While it's been a difficult road right now, it's also easy to digress. I came to a point earlier this evening where I picked up things from the bookshop which I had difficulty letting go off due to the ongoing promotion and the rarity of finding such item. But in total, I would have to fork out more than $10 and during this difficult period, if they don't serve any purpose for my current projects, they are mere extras. I deliberated a lot until I decided to get three of the items which I thought was on promotion and it would have cost me $9.00

However, at the counter it was a totally different thing. After the member's discount, I would end up paying 13 over dollars. If I had the money, I would have shrugged it off and still pay. But I was trying to save money and use whatever I have sparingly so I told her directly that I thought they're on discount. So she got them checked out. Turned out, the poster was very misleading and the ones I got didn't qualify for the discount. I wanted those things so badly but in my situation, I had to sadly say I didn't want them.

In the end, I walked out of the bookshop without buying a single thing. Then came my next hurdle. Buying takeaway food for my mum. I might have said this many times on this blog but I actually dislike buying takeaway food because it's a waste of money. But mum said buy means buy so I had to pop buy KFC to buy her favourite drink with an accompanying meal. Again, I thought of buying the value box that already had the sejora drink so technically, I didn't have to top up to change the drink. 

Then at the last minute, I thought why not get the snackers box instead. It's cheaper at $4.00 and since the whole point of me bothering to queue at KFC was because of that sejora drink, I just have to change the drink. So yah, technically I paid $4.90 and I saved $1.50.

I remembered at one point I was really really poor and I had to be super drastic with how I spent my money and that includes having to walk home after buying groceries to save transport. Back then, I still could somehow scrap through with such pay because the price of things didn't shoot up until about two years ago. My pay increased and so are the general price of things which is why I thought there was no WAY I could survive on the income I'm earning right now.

Now I tried to scrap through whatever I have by simply avoiding buying things unnecessarily including buying snack food. I've also cut down  on my trips to the bookshop to 'top' up my supplies because of the fear that they will not re-stock it anymore. Now I thought if they don't restock, it's not as if there aren't any other things to buy.

I can't guarantee how long I'll be this miserable but I'm taking baby steps to get out of this poverty stricken times by knowing better how to deal with it head on.

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Sunday, October 26, 2014

Living with an Exteme OCD Mum

My mum has an extreme OCD with toilet cleanliness and personal hygiene. She's always been OCD but now, it has become like a totally different ball game. Her obsession has become extreme and for someone who doesn't get angry easily, annoyed yes, her OCD drives me absolutely nuts. The water hose has to be positioned this way, she has to hear water running all the time otherwise she assumes I'm not using water at all and after I leave the washroom, most times she asks me to go in again and wash the floor another time.

She simply doesn't trust that I've done all the above. No trust at all. She will say that it's very smelly and the 'best' part is? Despite all the cleaning that I've done, before my brother can use the washroom to bathe or to pee, she has to wash it all first because she thinks after I've gone in, it's still dirty.

I don't know about other people, I feel like I've done more than enough. How do I know this? The water bill has been on the rise and I've struggled to pay them and a few times, getting risked having the supplies cut off. Did she learn? Obviously not. And because I'm the one whose paying, I feel the pinch and I don't see the need why should I turn the water pipe on all the time when I'm not the soap or other toiletries or when I'm brushing my teeth. 

A few times I lashed out back at her even though I told myself to keep calm because I mean, how could you not? I've done my explanation that yes I DID on the water pipe, I DID brush my twice (yes, you read it right) and I DID clean the floor yet she still doesn't trust me? I mean, would you feel if someone consistently tell you in your face that they don't trust you? After awhile you just give up but what do you do if it happens every single day?!

Also she makes it a point every time she goes to the toilet to come and tell me how to go about cleaning the floor, wash the hands and hang the water hose. Every. Single. Time.

For quite a long period of time, her OCD seems under control but nowadays, it's mutated or something. I know she doesn't see this as a form of illness but I do. She's probably thinking that I'm the dirtiest person in the world and there's nothing wrong with her.

I hope God give me strength to not lose my temper easily over this matter. I know she's my mother and she's done a lot for us so I don't want to sin over this. I often try to keep to myself but the way she interrogates about my movement and her blatant untrusting words to me, it's really difficult to not want to speak for myself.

I also hope God makes her less OCD to save us our sanity and also save our increasing water bills.

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