Hi I am Rahayu Popz..a twenty something girl who sometimes lean on the verge of insanity sometimes.
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Sebastian Stan as Prince Jack
It's just so beautiful when someone you like holds your hand in public. To me, it's the simplest yet so heartfelt gesture. I have been watching video clips of the US drama called Kings for the last few days and was like wondering aloud (meaning: my brother in the same room can hear) about how I wish they would show this drama on Singapore tv and they are!! THEY ARE!!! Even though it is not the mainstream tv but on cable instead, it's still okay for me. I am so excited! But at the same time, Im just a bit scared of watching coz even though Sebastian Stan as the emotionally tortured Prince Jack is so gripping and so exciting to watch (he is really into the character), I guess I will be overwhelmed by it. And another concern is that, the writing isn't exactly top notch. Plus the lead character is totally bland. It's like someone put him there only because he is blond and not because he can act.
It's a drama about power struggle and the King chose a soldier who saved his son Prince Jack during war as a possible successor to him because it was a sign from God. Plus his son's womanizing and late night partying get him on his nerves. But over the time, it wasn't exactly his son's choice of lifestyle but he was pressurized into embracing it because he was emotionally repressed. And the fact that his father would be choosing a stranger as the future King make him even more jealous and angry.
When Prince Jack said that if his father could not accept him and not even God, the only way for him to go is to die. For most of the episodes, Prince Jack appeared to be a scheming bad boy who was out to ruin David but later on, he side with David when King Silas abused his power by throwing David into jail because David was a threat to his power.
Now because I read the review of this drama months ago and watched mere snippets of the episodes, I only got the gist of the story. So I may not be giving the correct summary. I only know Prince Jack is...to die for.
Well, if you are into Gossip Girl, which for the life of me I dont know why you would be since it is about socialite brats, Sebastian Stan is in it as well as the boyfriend of one of the girls. But it's a waste of time for him to be in that show because he has so much acting potential.
Even though the drama has been cancelled because American people dont like to watch the drama, loosely based on the bible story of David and Goliath, as I think it's just too serious and uptight. Like come on, we're taking about a modernized aristocratic story here. That spells boring from start to finish. But then again, American people would rather watch filth like Gossip Girl. Go figure.
And yes, with the exception of Sebastian Stan and well...the guy who acted as the King, the rest of the actors were simply too bleh.
No matter what, I see Sebastian Stan having a great future in acting.
Im really really upset over the turn of events earlier today and Im really really sorry I had caused the misery of my family. Although my mum is better now, and even chatting and telling me stories when I came back home which I actually dislike coz they are often repeated stories, but Im just contented she is back to her usual chatty self. It's totally my fault. I totally forgot to make an earlier payment for the power supplies with my own savings first but I delayed and delayed it until they came to cut off the electricity. Because of that, my mother who gets very restless without the fan, will call me every now and then at work to complain and to make me call the people repeatedly to get the supply back on again. This was despite me paying the amount requested immediately because I didn't want to cause them any discomfort. It's really a pain in the ass when Im just asking for a simple request for an urgent reconnection explaining my family situation each and every time I make a call to them but nothing has been done. Instead, what I got was a call from the credit department, whom that stupid idiot of a customer service person gave the number to instead because she thought I wanted to talk about payment.
The credit department was rather harsh on me at first demanding for the payment of the other half but I was so frustrated with them that whenever I answered his question, I shot him back with my own question as to when can I get my reconnection back. And I just kept demanding for the reconnection and said that I had made the payment as requested and they jolly well expedite my request because it would have defeated my purpose of paying them early instead of waiting until after office hours to make the payment if it was going to be reconnected very late.
All this time, they never asked for my handphone number and I dunno why that stupid idiot asked. I thought she said that the person would call me back if they reconnect it back. I tell you it's really really damn stupid.
But then, it's really no point making so much noise right now because all this could have been prevented if I had listened to my mother and not delay the payment. Based on experience, we know that they will come around this time of the month which is always like at least a day before or on my payday itself. That is why my mum says if I have the money, pay them first and dont wait until payday. So it's totally all my fault. I told myself that my savings should be mostly used for emergency like bills such as these and yet, I didn't do anything about the payment.
Im really really sorry for all the troubles I caused.
And then another thing is that, in future if I have any problems and I want to voice it out, I think the best avenue is still writing on my blog. People have their own problems to deal with and they may not want to hear out our problems. So I think to prevent any future conflicts, I guess the best thing is to just air it out here. No hard feelings when they dont think our problem is as big as theirs even though I only appreciate it if they can at least hear me out. Sometimes, we just need for someone to tell us that everything is going to be okay.
Anyway what is done, is done and whatever happened today, let it serve as a friendly reminder to myself to not wait until the last minute especially if it is going to have a repercussion on other people. Once again, sorry for causing the trouble and I promise it won't happen again.
One of the things I have to endure in this household is my mum's incoherent speech about she regrets having us and especially my brother because we're nothing but burden. Like as if we create havoc in this family. She obviously has not seen or heard how other families have bigger problems than her. But that's just her. Basically if she knows also, she will always refer to her 'plight' as being worse off than others and that they are in that state because they have brought it upon themselves. Where else for her, her misery was brought unto her.
Oh well..whatever. I dont want to get into squabbles with her because it's really no point as I will stand to lose. Her recent accusation towards me is that she thinks that I am cold hearted towards them because I didnt buy them their food when I went to a particular shop in Geylang where I would buy the popiah which is one of my favourite snacks coz they are not deep fried and the filling is quite a lot. But more importantly, it's only 80 cents. However, their roti john (half of a french loaf dipped with egg) is 3.oo and it is not enough to buy just one for my brother. So if I buy two, that would have cost me 6.00. This is on top of me buying other food for them at a malay restaurant of which the total will always be more than 10 dollars at an earlier time before I dropped by this small food stall for the popiah.
In other words, I only buy the popiah if I am in that area after buying the malay dishes. It's really hard to keep up with her demands and cravings because they mostly equate to me spending more than usual and I actually had allocated money until December. However, I had already spent the 200 dollars reserved for December in the beginning of November.
Oh, the frustration! Money is not easy to come by. Sometimes I just hope my mother will start her cooking again, no matter how simplistic it can be like previously, she used to cook pasta for us with just boiled spaghetti with campbell mushroom soup and her homemade base ingredient. Either that or she will fry an omelette with onions and I will eat it with soya sauce. But if we even bring up the topic of asking her to cook, she will start her damn boring lecture of how we drive her up the wall because of our demands.
Frankly speaking I dislike eating take away food. First of all, you have no idea how much MSG or artificial flavouring they put in their dishes along with salt and sugar to add to the taste and make the customers come back for more. Sure it may taste nicer but slowly inside your body, it may bring about unwelcome illnesses. At times, I will go without dinner because I didnt want them to buy for me food. Before I come back home, I will eat like a plain waffle or a bun from a bakery so that I wont be too hungry when I reach home. If they had bought for me food, I would not finish the whole thing and instead share it with my mum..or..uhm..force her to eat my share. If she could not eat it coz she had already eaten her share, she will keep the leftover and reheat it the next day for her lunch.
Anyway, at least it is a good thing that I dont spend my lunch time eating takeaway food. I am happy with just my biscuits from wheatbix and cereal drink with bread and low fat cottage cheese. Sure it sounds boring as hell but they're like my comfort guilt free food. Of course I am upset that my mum thinks that I dont take good care of the family because of my controlling nature over the family expenses. Look, if I am so controlling, there won't be groceries and I will protest like no business if they ask me to buy for them things. No matter what, my family has to survive. The reason why I eat those food for lunch is also to avoid spending on myself and use the money to spend on them instead such as buying groceries for them.
Right now, I am just in 'pain' coz I spent more last month but then again, I had a few functions last month too so okay, I didn't spend all on them. And uhm, yah I did go on a mini shopping spree coz I think tis' the season to get rid of the older stock for new stock for the coming Christmas. I got myself two tops which cost less than 10 dollars each, a pair of heels from URS for 20 dollars and a bag for 25 dollars of which both cost less than 50 dollars. To me, that is a great bargain coz the original price for each of these item is more than 30 dollars. And I totally needed them as my older heels are..well...very old already including my bags. But I will have to pay myself back with my coming salary so that in future, I can use back the money for other things.
Anyway it's no point dwelling over exceeding my budget last month. So far so good this month. I am spending within means and not unnecessarily. Okay except this one sleeveless top which costs less than 10 dollars but I got it to replace another sleeveless top that is worn out already. I can't wait for next month's bonus. However, the bonus will have to be saved for use the following year until my next bonus in March, if I ever get the performance bonus. That is provided I don't screw up but so far so good..except maybe at times my boss thinks that I am not paying attention if she catches me having a blur look when in meetings by asking me if I got it. I did get it..it's just that I was trying to digest at first what she was saying coz sometimes she talks a bit too fast.
But it will be silly of me not to use my bonus at all. Already I felt the huge pinch when due to the bad economy, those working in the government sector, didn't get the mid year bonus. I was struggling so much and had to resort to frequent borrowings. I think that motivated me to be even more careful with money so much so it frustrates my mum. I am lucky I have friends who are willing to lend a hand during my difficult times. I am eternally grateful to them though they may think their actions are nothing because they were merely trying to help. I didnt want to borrow at first but my money was running out and I was left with no choice. I had repaid them back even though I had to pay them in instalments or had to delay the payment till my next pay but I made sure I paid them back coz it was after all their hard earned money too and I didn't want to breach their trust as a friend.
Let's hope they pay me this coming December for my bonus. It will go a long way for me as it will allow me to have sufficient savings for the next two months. It's never coz I want to splurge.
Meanwhile for now, I only look forward to my upcoming pay..hehe..
It's a brand new month of November and hopefully, I get a better hold of my life. I have been disappointed with myself lately because I have not been performing my part well towards my family. What could have been avoided, I chose to be all slack about it and only managed to pull together at the last minute but alas, it was not enough. I had not been performing my role well as a sister because I was too caught up with my own personal entertainment that I have failed to see the bigger and more important picture in my life. Perhaps, if I could have focused a bit more on my brother's studies, he didnt have to attain a C grade in his studies that would have granted him a better class and studying 7 subjects. Alas, his grades were not good enough for him to study 7 subjects but 6 subjects. To add on to that, he would not get to study a core subject but Art which I have no idea if that subject is relevant to admission to polytechnic.
I know it is almost up to him to take responsibility for his studies because it is about his own future. I may have tried to push him to study but I didnt help him much in his struggles to cope with his studies and only offered my help at the last minute during revision. In order to do well, one has to be consistent and since he's not leaning towards the smart kind, he has to work harder and be offered moral support. Unfortunately, I slacked.
It's just one area in my life which doesn't really bother me at much until it gets me and I try to do something about it. For example, cleaning up my room. Whenever I attempt to clean my room, it's always halfway done and then it will be back to square one and I'll do it all over again until that same halfmark. If this is a learning curve, you will see my curve going up and then going down, up and down like a small hills. Anyway, at the very least he was still promoted to a sec 3 express class and I told him that since he could only do 6 subjects, he jolly well have to make sure he passes all 6 subjects because not having an additional subject, his aggregate score is at stake. Knowing his interests in engineering, since he has been such a fan of public transport for the longest time, I think it's just natural for him to take up a course that will be of relevant for his future career and eventually working for a company like LTA or Land Transport Authority. It's still not to late to buck up but like I said, he has to work extra hard coz he's now in a slight disadvantage compared to his other schoolmates.
On the other hand, my mum is in a stage where she resents life and wishes to die very soon to end her misery. She has been selfish in a way she thinks she's the only one in the world that has problems and even if others have problems too, it's nothing compared to her. No point convincing her about that coz she's stuck in her own world so as long as we dont provoke her further, she's just talking in her gibberish manner about how she longs to die soon so she doesn't have to entertain our needs.
But that's her. She tends to put small problems under a microscope and make the situation worse that it should have been and partly because of her need to be perfect. She doesn't trust people, well except maybe my aunt, and would rather stick with what she believes in although it can be pretty farfetched at times. I remind my brother many times don't provoke her coz she will become worse and start her nonsense but he's the type if he is irritated, he is irritated and very little can convince him to stop saying what he wanted to say or showing his anger. I guess he just have more of her genes while I have more of my father who was a very patient man but will not be afraid to speak out if he had been provoked again and again.
It's actually pretty easy to solve my mother's problem because it stems from the fact that she has been having bloated sensations in her stomach maybe due to her being cooped up at home and not moving much except maybe to do laundry. She doesn't even cook or clean or even grocery shop so I dont see why she thinks her life is much worse than some mothers who go out to work and come home later to do cleaning and cooking. She refuses to go to the doctor for various reasons although a major part of it is because she still hold this guilt feeling in her that she was the one who made my father go see the poly doctor and then eventually forcing him to be admitted to hospital.
But that's fate. No one can predict what is in store for us later and only God has the big plan for us. Of course we can plan as well seriously, things may not go as planned and if it happens, it happens. At the very least, we have tried to make it work or basically just do something about it but what happens la ter, we don't know.
The important thing is that we don't get into unnecessary trouble and do the best in what we can in life. We will reap the awards later if we work hard enough. If we face problems in life, we try our best to solve them or at least minimise the impact of the problems before they escalate into something bigger.
As we carry on our day to day activities, we learn a lot of things in life through trials and tribulations. Accepting the fact that we have a problem, is one small step to self discovery. The more we deny it, the problem is just going to escalate and we have to do even more damage control.
Im not saying all these because I read some guide to life book. Basically, Im just talking from experience as well as learning from others what I can apply to my own life. I know Im not perfect but unfortunately, I tend to lean towards my imperfections that eventually affect others towards me and not just myself. I may think that I will learn from it but before I know it, I find myself crawling back to my comfort zone where the world revolves around me only.
So let's hope, in this brand new month, I will slowly stop to just be in my own zone. Let's all be less selfish and do good towards others. Let's not be those bikini clad girls who waste their time by making a spectacle of themselves in online videos who think they are just practising their liberalism but are infact, demeaning to the female population. There are women out there who slog in lives trying to build a career and a name for themselves in a male dominated working world and in the past, women fought hard against gender inequality and because of them, we get our right to vote and our freedom to determine who shall be our leaders. How do we stamp out gender inequality when these women portray themselves as possessing little intellect and little clothes for the world to see?
I have not seen those videos and I have no plans to do so. They are thriving because despite the criticisms, people still flock to see them and making these girls more popular than they first started. Eventually when people stop watching them, these videos will stop. Their argument is that there are worse videos than them. But why still add to them?
Oh well, that's people. Some of them abuse the concept of liberalism as long as people stand up to take notice of them even if they have to act stupid and wear very little. Yup, we are moving forward as a nation.
I dont know what goes into food nowadays that even if I dont find myself gorging on food, and prefer having simple meals like wholemeal bread, wholemeal biscuits and cereal drinks for lunch, I still gain weight. Naturally, after fasting for almost a month in August and September, there will be a slight weight gain as the body starts to consume food on a regular basis rather than only in the late evening. What annoys me is that, it sorta takes away my effort to try to at least losea kilo or two. Now Im stuck with the 2kgs of weight gain which seem to creep its way on my tummy and slightly round the waistline especially when my job requires me to sit down most of the time.
Aah well..no point being upset about it. It's never too late to start doing something about it and sticking with it. It doesn't matter if I have to suffer a bit of pain for it since Im pretty much used to trying not to eat a lot of bad things because it only means I have to work even harder..haha. The only exercise I can afford on weekdays is to walk about fifteen minutes to the bus stop near the serangoon mrt which requires me to slightly walk up the hill at one point of the journey there. After work, I suppose everyone just want to go back early and rest so they would rather go up the crowded bus and reach home on time. Frankly speaking, the nearest MRT is just 5 minutes away and will take me to the Serangoon Mrt in a matter of minutes. But I always see walking as a quick wind down after work especially when I said earlier my job does not require me to walk much unlike my previous job where I practically traveled every day.
We all need some form of motivation and I have a friend whose motivation is to fit into a LBD come her birthday in Feb next year. The thing is, according to her facebook status update, she has lost 40kg so far. That is so significant! But she has always been a very focused girl. Whenever she sets her mind to something, she works hard to get there. Why dont we have that kind of attitude? It will make our life more meaningful because once we get what we have strive to achieve, victory will be so sweet.
She is like me...battling weight issue a majority part of our lives. Well, I would say she has more of an issue than me because she had battled obesity and won but later started piling up more and more when she got into a relationship because it wasn't a smooth sailing one so she turned to food for comfort. Her weight gain stayed with her through the years which reflected her unhappiness in her relationship. Now that she is single again after going through a painful divorce, she is on the road to recovery, and has decided to change her life including how she looks such as going for a makeover and losing weight. Previously, her ex husband did not want her to look attractive out of jealousy for other guys who would look her way. I think that's bull. People say that if a guy is jealous, it simply means he loves you more but this isn't the way. You cannot play on a person's psychology for your own selfishness. You're just victimizing the person because it's emotional blackmail.
As for me, Im not making fitting into an LBD as motivation. Hell, Im just happy to wear anything as long as I dont feel like Im carrying extra 'baggage', if you know what I mean. Currently, it does feel that way so...what to do...have to do something about it. No point just whining over it. Okay, I strive to at least lose 2kg by the end of November but if I can lose at least 1.5kg right before I go for the K.L. trip, I'd be glad man. Over there, we will be eating quite a lot so have to 'prep' for it. I know, some kind of motivation, huh? Only people with a twisted mind like me will adopt such form of motivation. But seriously, if it works, it works..haha.
Currently, on the TV, there is a new reality programme made locally to motivate people to adopt a healthier lifestyle by training participants with BMI over 25 to lose weight. It's not just a matter of losing weight in fact but a matter of changing their current lifestyle to a healthier one and we follow the transformations of these contestants. The programme was done by Health Promotion Board which was my previous company and I knew some of the contestants there because they had also recruited their own employees as well.
I used to remember going to the gym there twice a week by staying back after work and it was always the same group of people who looked like they were just there to maintain their current weight and not to lose anymore. At first I felt like I was sticking out like sore thumb but after I saw my weight dropping, I could not really care less how fit they were compared to me. Of course they were also the obsessive ones who were already stick thin but they worked out with so much aggression. I think that is a bit too much because sometimes, it's just their own insecurity or pressure to look good.
Anyway, to these contestants on the programme who are working hard to lose weight, despite quite a few of them looking like they had not worked out for years, a thumbs up to you people for wanting to change your lifestyle. Remember, work hard first and you can reap the fruits of your labour soon.
Speaking of which, gosh early morning I have to wake up and go to the gym after a long absence coz of fasting month and other plans after that. I hope I dont faint on the treadmill.
We shall all win this battle of the bulge, people!