"Living Each Single Day"

DAMMIT...Im angry. I am angry at my laptop because it's not working very well at a time when I discovered some recently uploaded indie films on youtube. I love watching these indie films...well..most of them, because they dont have the big bangs of blockbuster movies and they often invoke an array of emotions in you instead of making you ooh aahing over how handsome the leading A lister is. Of course unless the indie films have good looking leads as well which can happen. Like the one Im watching currently now..heh...but it's purely coincidental!! Luckily youtube does not have this international US copyrights where they wont screen to countries outside of US. Because of that, I was upset that when I got back my internet at home, I could no longer watch some indie films from a particular website. And then some special webisodes that I could not watch, I was able to do on youtube vecause some kind souls have gone through the trouble to download them to their pc and upload to the...

Do you know that some people are just soooooo.....incorrigible? They talk loudly in public to so called 'prove a point' or to tell people that..oh..Im teaching my daughter how to count...or Im teaching my daughter the value of money. Fine if you want to teach them coz..pfft...they're your children but must you talk loudly like up to the point of annoying other people. Then this mother and daughter..with the above situation..was standing so out of the queue that when I went to queue up, how the heck I would know they were there first?! For a good 5 minutes, they didnt even know they were straying pretty far away from the queue. And then when they realised it, the same frakkin' mother had to talk very loudly as if to prove me a point this time that they were there first. Of course I wanted to just tell them..then get in the queue la..no need to talk so loudly...but I just ignored them completely even though they were giving me dagger stares like it was all my freakin'...

*slaps Rahayu* Stop Watching Star Trek Rahayu! Stop watching!! I cant help it...crudely saying, that scene was just frakking nice! But pfft....of course, somewhere along the line, they will cut off the beautiful momentum with a tragic death or separation. Like in the case of Battlestar Galactica....'Lost in Space?!!' wat the hell.... I think it's just trying to prove to us that love is not something that is easy to get nor is it easy to hold on to. Along the way, things are bound to happen whether we like it or not. And the worst part of it is that if it ends tragically, are we able to move on with our life or are we going to die inside? I kinda am scared about that actually. Like why cant our life just be so smooth sailing with all good things NOT coming to an end? So it is easier to be like this..not falling in love...or be loved....and staying single now? Save me the headaches and the eventual trauma later. Dont get me wrong. I love the idea of falling in love...the swee...

Im going to give this blog a little bit of revamp and this time, it is not in the form of a new blogskin...coz I like this one and it's da best one so far. The kind of revamp is that I am going to make this more personal..content wise. So far, it has been personal since this blog is also the place where I rant about life and how unfair it can be sometimes. But hey, in the game of life, there are some high points and there are some low points. People like me, get mostly low but I have to learn to stand up against everything that is thrown at me and I know somehow I will recover from them even it can be excruciatingly slow. How am I going to make it more personal? Rather than just complain, I will offer opiniated views, just like the blogs I read where they include abbreviations like IMHO (In my humble opinion). Things that I come across that set this burning desire to blog about and this time, I am not going to forget easily what I want to blog when I get back home. Yup, old age has...

Can I make a complain?! Why does chocolate have to be fattening?! WHY?!!! Dammit, that thing tastes so good, if it's not for the 'high fat content', I would be glad to gobble up the whole damn thing..without any guilt! Tsk. Yes Im complaining because during this festive season, I get chocolates every now and then but I cant eat all of them. It takes ages just to finish a pack of cadbury chocs. Anyway when I did a bit of research as to what exactly makes chocolates so good yet so sinful..I found this... Nutrition On Chocolates Read it to believe it especially when u have been  hearing words onlie as to why we cant eat that much chocs. And despite research telling us also that eating dark chocolates can help to lower high blood pressure, which we can shout hooray at, there is one problem. You can onlie eat about 1 dark chocolate hershey kiss per day. Just one miserable kiss. And it can help to reduce high blood pressure by up to 40%. In order to get a higher percentage, it ha...

Okay! I admit it...Im not a Star Trek fan...dont believe the crap I pulled about the show in my previous post. I watched it because of.... . . . . . . . . . At first he didnt strike me as good looking but after watching the preview clip a few times, he kinda grew into me. Er..that dont sound right but watever. I like this type of guys. With his few spoken words, and quiet intelligence, manly body (Im shallow remember?!), and of course, he is caring and romantic, well at least in the show. Lieutenant Alex Freeman, I know u got a special someone whom u are about to marry, but PLS!!!! Consider me too okay?!!!

OH yah...I forgot to say that I got my internet back at home which was like more than a week ago. Sigh, I had to pay the full price and well, at the very least it let me have a clean slate of a bill. Anyway, Starhub people were so distrusting of me that even after I gave the bill transaction reference number, they didnt believe and had to call the people behind the payment machine to make sure that...I, Rahayu Sedik, had truly paid and not give them yet another big fat lie again. Whatever Starhub people. You know, you may think that during this recession, people may take a pity on you and would give u a bit more time to pay off your bills during such difficult times. But no, desperation calls for them to be more vigilant about payment collection that not a single penny or cent is missed. Didnt pay for more than a month? Cut it off without warning. Let them have no phoneline. Get payment for outstanding bills, and oh, while we are at it, terminate the line prematurely and then get MORE ...

Aah yes....the day has come and gone. I meant...pay day cum bonus day. Well, I had a very short whirlwind romance with food and a biiiiit of shopping and also settled most of my bills...pfft...bills...hate them but what to do, life is like that. Anyway,after being used to not spending on myself for the longest time, when I finally get to enjoy life a bit, I felt guilt ridden about it like I didnt know how to take care of my expenses and then began regretting like...oh...I could have spent the money more wisely. But life is too short to be thinking about that but I cant help it. Old habits die hard and there is always this fear in me that I would not be able to provide for my family enough. I guess thats why very earlier on, I have decided to stop spending on myself and focus on the family instead. If you think that I am being too hard on myself, I share the same thought as well but you dunno me well enough. I may portray myself as a person who spare a thought for the family and theref...

Darn it....just as I had carefully planned how much to pay for every outstanding bills, when I saw the payslip for this month which included bonus, it's less than expected. Sigh, so I have to make some adjustments here and there. Anyway, the 'less than anticipated' amount is still better than nothing and I should have known better as well since I have worked with the education ministry for less than a year so it made sense. Big sense. Oh well, during this very bad economic climate, one cant be so picky and be grateful for what has been given. Even if it means making sacrifices here and there. Nevertheless, the shopping and the food eating sessions must go on!!! Enrich your blog with Windows Live Writer. Windows Live Writer

Words can hurt. Before you roll your eyes to that statement, think again. Sometimes, you think that well, you know the person can take a joke and so wont be easily offended. Or they know you as someone who dont always mean what you say. Well, newsflash! That may be true but if it comes to a point where you perpetually say words that sound harsh or in an accusatory manner, a seasoned friendship can turn sour. Come on, everyone is vulnerable even if they show a tough exterior or reflects a 'heck care' attitude. At times, they are just being nice but for how long can one tolerate? I always advocate this if u notice in my blog but seriously, it pays to think first before words roll out of ur tongue. A friendship lost isnt worth it, is it? I've been in such a situation before. Many years ago, I was called an outcast which was meant as a joke when we had these imaginary clubs. Sure, no harm done but if it was used on you over and over again..by the same people, it kinda got m...

It kinda irks me when I am trying to express an opinion or sharing a piece of knowledge but it's met with strong objection or Im being cut half way before I even finished. I mean...come on...does it hurt to actually listen first, doesnt matter if u agree or not? Yes I know everyone is entitled to their own opinions but it's frustrating because I feel like a sore loser. That sort of conversation is actually begging to be turned into some huge argument if I am equally annoying and equally strong headed as well. But I dont want to do that especially if they are my friends. Then again, I am subjected to being called a wimp or somebody who cant stand up strong against what she believes in or her own opinions. That will sorta give the person a sense of pride for getting a landslide victory. At first I used to think that hey, maybe the person has a point and I am wrong. But come to think of it, that's bull! It's one thing not to argue and another thing to let ur own opinions b...

Sighz......Im going to be miserable until my pay finally comes in..abt a weeks' time. And I have to check the mailbox every single freaking day if there is a reply from the CPF with a cheque..and go home with my mum's annoying question of....'Da ade?!' (have already?)....but two days ago, I told her NOT to ask me coz I will tell her myself if have or not. Then yesterday she didnt ask..but I know she was dying to ask. Soon, she was lamenting about how long it would take for them to process...why cant they process any faster...and I was like...here we go again!!! I swear that woman has no sense of patience. AT ALL. So pls God..if ure listening to my woes right now, PLEASE LET THEM RESPOND FAST. Money is one thing..but I cant stand my mum's annoying question already!!! I know Im usually a tolerable and patient person but when it comes to my mum, I can blow up easily. Talk about annoying, last Saturday, I didnt close the head of the pipe in the bathroom too tight in the...

The things I do when Im running out of money. Walk home. But I still have to make a pit stop to buy groceries. Then, walk home. But it's good in the sense that I am able to save transport money, which by the way, part of it was 'eaten up' by the ezlink scanner in a bus last Sunday when the bus driver forgot to change the 'entry' sign on it to 'entry/exit' sign. That means if I scanned in my card to an 'entry' sign when I first board it and then come out of the bus through an 'entry' sign too, instead of 'exit', it would deduct the MAXIMUM FULL fare. That means 2 dollar plus!!! For a bloody journey that would cost less than 1 dollar!!! Tsk... And here I was trying to prolong my card usage which I just topped up before I boarded that fateful bus. Call me calculative but it's something that I have to do. But there's a good thing out of walking home. I get to cut down my journey from 3 or 4 bus trips to just 2. Still it depends on...

I lived through one week without internet access at home. How am I coping? It was terrible the first few days.....which  I just spent time lying on the sofa earlier than usual not wanting to do anything else. I mean I do that also when there is internet but let's just say I retire to bed earlier. Way earlier. But I am slowly coping as of last Saturday (coz I think weekend will be worse) and used the time to actually clean my room. Yes u heard me right. Throwing out the accumulated junks..... And despite having to clean it in stages, coz it is that bad, I guess Im happy with the outcome. But the funny thing was that part of the cleaning process involved reading through all the CLEO magazines. For one last time. And also coz I wanted to cut out some interesting pictures for future photo montages as well as some inspiration pieces for my future jewellery making. Right now, after looking at some pics, I kinda figured out why I have no inspiration with my existing beads. They are pretty...

Blogging at work just isnt as fun as blogging at home. Here, it's like I am being watched. Because Rahayu is always unusually quiet at her workstation..heh. Who knows in secret, she is surfing porn? ANyway, if u didnt know any better, my internet service has been disconnected. And this time I cant call them to plead with them to reconnect it back because now they know Im nothing but a bunch of lies. So anyway it is for the better I guess. No I dont mean my life is going to improve tremendously because I would do other things besides being on the net, it means that with the suspension, they wont add in next month's subscription since with the current outstanding amount, I am already having trouble. 2 more wks till I can finally breathe...whether temporarily or not, I dunno. So while pple have been planning on what to get with their bonus, I am looking fwd to paying my bills and get three services reconnected. Yes, 3. Not 1..not 2...but 3. Right now in my thoughts, why the he...

It's nice to know that amidst my life in turmoil, people still do care about me. Even though the birthday celebration was long overdue coz of other commitments, it doesnt matter to me. What matters most is that my friends are there to celebrate the moment with me and I appreciate everything about it. Every.single.thing. Okay especially the blue Esprit top...which by the way, I am wearing it now..hehe...and ironically, I passed by an Esprit shop the other day at Vivocity and I was like thinking...hrm, it would be nice to have that as a birthday gift..haha..coz I had not been buying clothes since my last bonus in July. And guess what?! I did! I did get an Esprit top for my birthday!! And it fits me well...*phewh* I used to shudder at the thought of getting clothes for my birthday coz I dont exactly have a body that fits nice clothes. Oh, and plus the clothes that I used to get for my birthday in the past..NEVER..fits me. Except for one skirt that I got during my 21st birthday which I...

That is so true!! How come I didnt notice it?!

I think in all the commotion regarding the Prop 8, something fresh and funny on a gay topic. But nothing offensive.....

Sigh, I have to type this out or else it would keep bothering me even though I slept soundly before this already..haha. Just now I almost lashed out at a friend because I became so irritated with her even though it was still early in our meeting. I merely said 'Do you have to be so specific over everything?' and she got taken aback by it and said wat was wrong with me. Of course I didnt want to create a scene and make her feel awkward coz I was too nice a person already. I dont want to really elaborate what happened but sometimes I wonder why does what she does. I know she has the habit of leaving the decision up to me but come on ah, this is a meeting between me and her so I also have to consider her feelings as well and not just care about mine. Okay what happened was that she wanted to order a sandwich from Subway. Fine. And she asked if I wanted to buy the six inch or the foot long and then she said I leave the decision to you...as she always did. And then okay, we would bu...

Please do forgive me I get lost in my blog talking about my next favourite thing to doing nothing which is my love of soap dramas and indie films. It's just something that I like just like how some people love poetry and listening to romantic songs. I would understand if some people cant relate to them because seriously, if you shove one verse of poetry to me, I may be clueless. Now I am going back to watching anime or animation. Normally, if someone says anime, they would associate it with a bucketful of laughter. But anime has a different twist to them depending on the genre. Currently I am watching a French anime which began like any anime...free and easy...with the children's happy faces playing along the river and then it became a bit darker as it progressed with the arrival of a new boy at the orphanage. But anime itself is a fantasy that come to life on screen with its beautifully painted scenery and expressive characters. The eyes of a character that turned dewy may lo...

Hello!!! No Im not bright and chirpy. But it doesnt hurt to pretend that everything is alright. My internet is still up and running, thanks to my little lie, which I should not elaborate further. You know, in case of copycats..heh. But of course, like in any life stories, happiness is not meant to be forever. Trust me for being a failure this year in terms of keeping up with my bills. Everything just snowballed and I havent been in so much distress over my bills before. Yes I do lapsed in my payments before but seriously, this is bad. Aiyah, in short, I can never be trouble free. Last year, around this time too, I was struggling and had to sell of a few of my precious items and I am still reeling from the hurt of letting go of them. I can only hope and pray that things will be okay soon. Recently I got a reply from the withdrawal board when I sent them several forms requesting to withdraw my father's retirement fund earlier based on medical grounds. Even though I had to 'preten...

As if my life is not miserable enough, they are going to take away one of my lifelines and that is my internet connection. It's like yakking the carpet under my feet and I fall flat on my face...hard. I know that there is life beyond the world of fantasy which is the internet and that at work also, I have internet so Im not completely cut off. But seriously, *screaming* I am going to die a slow and painful death!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yes I know Im being so drama mama but come on, I have been in this 'world' for the last 6 years. Even relationships nowadays dont even last that long and not even a month. Mariah told me that hey, didnt I want to do more things in my life that are more meaningful? Or something in that line. Yes it's true...but....that is when I have my internet, irregardless of whether I use it or not at that time. It's like..'lalala...im doing some handmade jewellery right now..oh, how did they do that design? hrm..let me go and surf net and see an example....

I just watched this first episode of a new Japanese anime set in 1800s war torn Feudal Japan. Seriously, you have no idea how 'versatile' I am in terms of what to watch. Big budget movies like James Bond dont quite appeal to me. Anyway, back to this. Different parts of Japan were at war with one another and then one of the soldier actually formed a friendship with another soldier from an enemy state when he was sent there. So when he came back, his soldiers were attacked at seas by the opposing state where incidentally, his friend was also on board the enemy ship. Then while at the HQ, the key players actually congregated together opposing the underhand tactics used by the enemy ship. But he actually defended them calling them courageous for attacking the enemy line at such close proximity by misleading them with an American flag at first. So of course they were suspecting some things were amiss because he was obviously not on their side. And before they could react further, h...

Indeed, life is full of ups and downs. I started off on a good note at the beginning of this year, ran into trouble, got uplifted again, trouble brews again...and so on. But the later half of this year, it just went down..down...downhill. I dont know what went wrong. I normally dont have that much of a problem paying my bills...although I struggle each time and occasionally ran into trouble. But this time round, it just got worse. I have been chased for payments right, left and centre repeatedly and they dont seem to let me off the hook easily like in the past where as long as I paid a substantial amount, I got cleared off. But now, I dont understand that with such bad economy nowadays, they have been getting more desperate in their collection of payments. Even if they have to hassle themselves in disconnecting the services several times within just a freaking month, it's like..'so what?' to them. And then each time they reconnect, I have to pay the reconnection fees. Do th...

Sigh, wanna know something? I actually stayed VERY LATE yesterday night at work until 8.15pm. The longest I stayed was until 7.15pm. And the reason for staying late was because I had to check through as many thick files as I can to make sure all of the payment vouchers and invoices are signed before the auditors come in most likely on Monday. I was like...u gotta be kidding...16 files from 2007?!! My boss was like...we gotta finish checking the files by today and then coz of the frequent interruptions, I could only officially check them in the late evening. By the time it was 7 plus, I was frantically checking through them but I know that it was highly doubtful that I could finish them. I was SO not going to stay until 9pm! And I missed MAJIDE! This Americanised version of a popular Japanese game show. Sigh...that would be such a perfect end to a hellish working day. And then some fella who promised that she would eventually clean her room and make it more neat and tidy finally lost s...

I feel absolutely devastated for those people who have been fighting the battle against Prop 8 because unfortunately, the proposition has been passed based on a majority voting by 52%. But hope is not lost as the fight continues on as the California Supreme Court may likely to overturn it. Sigh...anyway, dont give up people! The battle for equality lives!! Back to my own frakkin' life. From the time I stepped in the office, it was work work work all the way for me. Worse, after my male colleague complained that he could not do his work properly because of the teachers' arrangements for the primary 4 students to return the report books back to our general office, people had been streaming in every few minutes. I was shifted to the reception counter table (GroanS!) temporarily to help my other male colleague coz my other colleagues had other work to do and could not be interrupted. So parents have been coming in on the boys' behalf and also for various reasons and on top of t...

The proposition 8 is hot topic in America and around the world based on internet findings. It's either a Yes or a No and in a nutshell, those who oppose same sex marriage will of course vote on Yes which means that it will overturn the California law which will take away the rights of same sex couples of marriage which have been given to them earlier in May this year. It is definitely a controversial and most talked about proposition and millions of dollars of donations has been poured in for both sides of the fence. But from what has been described earlier, it is more than just allowing same sex marriage. Many people argue that it is also about recognising diverse groups of people in America and taking away their rights is infact discriminatory and not giving these people the right to freedom. In my general opinion, no one deserves to be discriminated based on their religion, political views and even sexuality. Other people's lifestyle, though I may not agree with them, is ent...

The internet is a global phenomenon and whatever you post online stays online whether you like it or not even when you try to delete pictures, articles and etc that invite controversy or public attention. I do agree that people are entitled to do whatever they want in their private life. But when you begin to post things online, where the internet is a public domain, dont be alarmed when people start giving you their two cents' worth of opinions that can change you for good or scar you for life. Of course it is easier said than done when you try to rationalise that your work life and personal life ar separate and if you ask me, I do think so as well. But really, why choose to go into a teaching profession where the obvious is there that you become some sort of a role model for children and as someone that their parents depend on to give these children the best in education? When they see your pictures of your 'tiny' bikinis, it's really hard for them to distinguish yo...

It is amazing how small this world can be. Yesterday night, I was telling you about the Israeli love story and ok...sidetracking here a bit, it was the SHORTEST love story I have ever watched. Seriously short. I dont know if they were trying to say that if we fall in love so quickly, we can fall out of love so quickly also and then patch back that fast too. Hrm. Oh yah the small world. I was reading through the comments for the heck of it and one of them was like commenting how he or she came from one of the countries in Asia which is conservative and only showed Brokeback Mountain (a gay themed love story) on the big screen. And then I was thinking....MUST be Singapore. And then true enough! When I clicked on the username which led to the profile, he or she IS from Singapore. Oh, and that's not all. This 24 yr old person kinda creeped me out because apparently, the channels that this person subscribed to are mostly the same that I have subscribed to also or have watched a few time...

(click on the pic above to see a bigger version. I bet u cant tell I photoshopped my face in one of them..heh heh.....aiyah, my face extra bloated that night..dunno why.) This year's Hari Raya is a little bit quieter than normal. Heck, I even went to two different hospitals to visit two sick aunts. But at least I got to go to two open houses which, sadly, I didnt take pics at. Let me check back again if I can get one pic at least coz..er..that's how many I took actually from the two open houses combined. Like I said in my facebook, Im camera shy this year!

Im in the middle of watching an Israeli soap drama. There is like about 5 or 6 clips of them but I shall take my time watching them. Basically it's about a couple whose relationship is pretty new but sadly, ended quite fast too because one of them has problems being caught seen together with the other one. He's having a problem with self acceptance and is not outright confident as his significant other. Like for example, your guy or girl prefers to just stay home and spend time together, but you prefer to go out and have some fun with your other friends together with him or her. Still, if you're meant for each other...well....fate will somehow put the two of you together. Really, a relationship is not a true relationship without some friction here and there but it's just how you try to work things out and see where the both of you is willing to meet. I dont know if I have mentioned this before but I was reading this short article about this guy who is a very popular spo...

Recently, I have been trying to help a good friend of mine to solve some er...guy problem that shes crushing on. But coming from someone who has never fallen in love or been in a serious relationship, I cannot offer advice based on my own experience. And tv dramas can only help so little because u know how far fetched the stories can be. Still, I dont expect her to follow whatever I say to a T coz I know shes more capable than that. I cant say the same for me though..haha.....but I guess when it comes to the matters of the heart, one can only hope for the best. If it doesnt work out, well fine, but you come out of it a better person because you can derive valuable lessons out of it. Not everybody is first time lucky. Just like shopping. It's not all the time that you can see an outfit with a halo over it while every other item just fading into oblivion. To Mariah, hey....dont dwell on it too much. Instead of asking why this and why that...if you think u're ready to move on, jus...

Sigh, sometimes life stinks especially when you dont have that much of money to sustain your current living. Welcome to...living hell. Anyway, if I am the only one feeling the distress, I can somehow tolerate it. But if it affects the family, it kinda give me a space on the wall of shame. I feel like Im not doing enough for the family and there is only so much that I can do and I seriously feel horrible about it. My mum is especially emotional and tends to get carried away with her feelings and even though I dont quite show how sorry I am at times, I am truly sorry that I somehow have a part to play in her misery as well. I seriously do not how to cope anymore in the future. I dont know if things are going to get better. I can only hope for the best. But at the same time, I want to thank all those people who have made things better for me and give me moral support in times of need. Thats why in life I dont believe in doing bad things because the last thing I want to do is causing grief...

A Supernatural special. Jensen...oh my gawd!! You're too cute!!!

I dont deny that I love me dramas. Not my the 'dramas' in my life but rather the ones on tv. Or rather streamed to my laptop or pc. I have been anticipating the re-hook up of one of the couples on Greek. They are barely there characters but just as interesting to watch as well and like all fans of the show, we have been wanting for them to get back together again. Okay, good news is..they did. Bad news? They're not officially a couple because of one of them who has just split with the boyfriend so at this point of time, just want to be single but doesnt mind hanging out with each other. That got me disappointed. I mean...why beat around the bush? Just hook up ah! But seriously, it was a fair request to want to be...pfft...friends. I mean, if they were to hook up immediately, than that guy would become the rebound guy straight after a break up. Just like an episode of Ugly Betty just now where Gio said he did not want to be the rebound guy, he wants to be THE guy. So oh well...

It's interesting how a few choice of words can turn a person's life around even if it means a minor change in his or her life. It can make you stop for awhile and think about what you have done or what you have missed out. A very refreshing feeling because sometimes, life comes with its own surprises but it all depends on whether you want to grab it or you want to let go of it. I mean, really, if you're the type who cant stand telling people who tell you what to do, or give you some piece of well meaning advice, hey maybe you can just try to just stop and listen for once. Of course, you are at liberty to be selective of what you hear but to me, it wouldnt hurt to just..well...listen. Who knows if it can turn your life around a bit. Speaking of change, I have been trying to make my pretty long hair falls down in cascades of curls and even though it kinda worked a bit at first, only to have them become flat later. Pfft...but just now, I was at an open house of an ex colleag...