Anyway, if I am the only one feeling the distress, I can somehow tolerate it. But if it affects the family, it kinda give me a space on the wall of shame. I feel like Im not doing enough for the family and there is only so much that I can do and I seriously feel horrible about it. My mum is especially emotional and tends to get carried away with her feelings and even though I dont quite show how sorry I am at times, I am truly sorry that I somehow have a part to play in her misery as well.
I seriously do not how to cope anymore in the future. I dont know if things are going to get better. I can only hope for the best. But at the same time, I want to thank all those people who have made things better for me and give me moral support in times of need. Thats why in life I dont believe in doing bad things because the last thing I want to do is causing grief to other people. Sometimes it puzzles me why causing pain to other people is like a form of 'happiness' for others. If people are nasty to you, they will get what they deserve. Why go through the trouble to bring yourself the same level as them? How long are you going to do that little dance of joy? Are you that heartless?
But thats life. Not everybody inteprets a picture the same way. Some may see it as a bed of roses while others may see it as a bed full of thorns. For me, I'd rather see the picture as a picture of something good that is about to happen. Life a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow.