Unlikely Soulmate
Bloody hell. Who the heck take a picture of themselves in the morning in the midst of getting ready for work just to see how the hell they look like? Apparently me! Yes, me! The one who wasted her time fiddling with the camera, set it to self-timer, put it in one corner and take a snapshot of herself followed by analysis as to how she looked like in this top now and then! Bloody hell. And because of this UNBELIEVABLE waste of time, I missed the 7.31am mrt by mere seconds! And you know how criticial that 7.31am mrt to me is even though I don't like arriving to work very the early? VERY CRITICAL! Because I found that I will have a higher chance of meeting my crush midway to work. Bloody hell. Didn't see him as a result of that 4 minute of camera whoring.
And today, I was hoping to meet him again but my mum just HAD to occupy the toilet for a freakin' long time till she was eating into my bath time. I had already learnt my lesson to not take a snapshot of me in the morning and remind myself there is such a thing called a mirror. But I didn't really raise my hope that high today because I was on a course so I had to go by the other direction even though I would still stop at the same station. And so there won't be any *sobs* very close encounter with him.
Talking about having close encounters, I tell you something k? I actually cringe when guys come quite near me not because I think that he's some lecherous freak but you know how 'too close for comfort' it can be especially when someone enters your protective bubble. Even if he is handsome, I just feel a bit uncomfortable but I don't blame such a guy lah not because of his looks that I can forgive him but because he can be unaware about it. Okay, cringe may not be a suitable word to describe how I feel but I just feel a tad uneasy only because I've never been in such close proximity with a guy before. Therefore it tends to give me this fear of this unknown like what is he gonna do even though he's just innocently standing there about to go to work or go back home. But I understand, in today's context, I think guys should create a bit of distance with a girl especially if they're not in a relationship or she's a mere stranger like me in a train. Why? Not because I am anti-guys which is a big no no as I love guys. No, seriously. I DO love guys. But it is just that as open minded as we are, not all of us are so 'easy' that you can lean so bloody close to her till she can hear you breathe or see wisps of smoke coming out from your nostrils. Some of us do have a barrier like have you heard of the term 'invasion of personal space'? Yup, thats it. If some girls like guys coming extremely close to them, touching them, caressing them, errr...giving them orgasmic feelings for fun's sake, there are other girls who would want you to respect their personal space.
Don't get me wrong here. I don't want guys to get the wrong idea that we're so open minded, we can kiss any tom, dick or harry on the streets especially since the clubbing scene in Singapore is flourishing that many girls fall into the trap of easy persuasion. It's a bit sad sometimes that young girls are easily duped into empty promises by some a**holes without knowing that these a**holes are just in it for the sake of entertaining their sexual cravings. And then who is going to take responsibilities? You think that guys nowadays want to take them up is it? No freak way especially if they have planned their life to an extent they are already aiming for their next promotion and on the way of getting the fifth C or whatever. They're not about to cut it short for a 'mistake' they made especially if they have responsibiliities of their own to take care of like their car payments, ageing parents or housing loans for instance.
Okay so it is none of our business to gawk at the young immatured couples in the trains or buses who are kissing and cuddling in full view of the crowd. Nice to see lah and free some more but please lah, leave the french kissing or touching of each other's butts somewhere else. Itchy teenage fingers...I only hope that these girls should know that the guy they are dating is still in the midst of getting to know his sexual desires and his hormones are raging like an angry bull. The best thing is that they should also know that no matter how handsome or how macho their significant other is, they must have a limit as to how much the guy can get physically close to them before it gets to the point of being 'disrespectful'. Haiz..anyway, as if they care.
Talking about physical proximity, I still cannot forget how close we got in the lift, but of course there were other people in it too, because it felt like I have already known him for long. SiiiGhhz......such a wonderful wonderful experience. At first, it was rather uncomfortable such as the risk of being squashed against the back of the lift. Yes I know I have been complaining about how guys should learn how to space out a bit from girls because not all of us can tolerate hot air blowing out from their nose and onto our faces from complete strangers who obviously are standing too close. But sometimes the ironic thing is that with the MRT crush of mine..I felt rather protected as if he was protecting me from the crowd by standing very close to me till I didn't have room to move in the lift because the lift was getting jam packed. Like I said, maybe he did think that he was too close to me but hey, what to do..the people who boarded the lift a bit late didn't want to wait for another 30 seconds for the next lift to come.
Sh*t, am I getting too despo or desperate for short? Whats happening to the 'I have other commitments so I have no time for a relationship...yet' kind of attitude? Why the heck am I so bothered with him that even though from the time I started taking the NEL mrt to work during my off field duty days, I would have met so many good looking guys who oozed with confidence and sex appeal that any office girl, coffee lady or female cleaner would have fallen hard for if such guys work in their office. And I am like so smitten by his looks from the time I accidentally gazed at him while looking out for my other colleagues even though his looks may have easily escaped the glares from the 'hungry-for-good looking-men' kind of women. And I swear...f you ask me to recall how he looks like right now, I can only have a flashback but I don't know exactly how he looks like. I cannot recall such details but I can only recall how his body looks like. I think I trained my eyes wrongly. I have the tendency to look at the big picture, I guess..hehe. Hey, at least not look at his package.
But there's a problem. It didn't occur to me if he is married by looking at his fingers. I always get the back or side view lah after seeing him two seconds tops for his face. Tsk, being at this age where being attached/engaged/married is a norm already, I have to play a careful game. I am SO not gonna get into a mess with someone's husband or fiancee especially if there are unpaid spies around even though it is just a simple case of getting to know each other as a friend and nothing else. Jealousy can make one very ugly...with green skin and two fat horns on the head. People are capable of accusing you of anything nowadays and even if you are seen talking to that guy, they think you're having a scandal. But sometimes it is too obvious that it IS a scandal. Tsk, you don't get notoriously intimate with a fellow colleague even though you know that both of you are married to different people but you expect others to see yourselves as mere 'friends' despite the hugging and..uhm..other kinds of hanky panky. Alamak people...know the difference..know the DIFFERENCE!!
Still, I hate to say this but it could be just a crush with no lead to 'something' like a friendship and yadah yadah...with the word relationship thrown in.
Goodbye soulmate...if God wants me to have a glimpse of you again (like...see no touch rahayu!) He will let me see. Let's make me a deal here. I will promise to forget him...even if it is going to be quite hard at first...after the course tomorrow of which I will go to office as per usual on Friday. But! But but but....I will still make an effort to catch the train at 7.31am in the morning instead of my usual 7.35am train, to try and get a glimpse of him if I can, provided he comes at around the same time until my period of office hibernation ends and I have to start my field duties. And my second promise is that I will not be too hard on myself such as scolding myself vulgarities for missing the bus or scolding the bus driver for taking his or her own sweet time turning the bus to the mrt station even though the arrow is green and has not flashed yet but the bloody..oops..the cautious driver purposely waited for it to flash so he can stop for awhile.
As you know, this is going to be VERY hard. But I shall try........not to scold the bus driver. Can I say something before I break anything including this promise?
I LOVE YOU OH MYSTERIOUS CRUSH!!!
Seriously dunno why the word 'love' has to be mentioned. Like I said, HE could be my tak jadi or unlikely soulmate.
And today, I was hoping to meet him again but my mum just HAD to occupy the toilet for a freakin' long time till she was eating into my bath time. I had already learnt my lesson to not take a snapshot of me in the morning and remind myself there is such a thing called a mirror. But I didn't really raise my hope that high today because I was on a course so I had to go by the other direction even though I would still stop at the same station. And so there won't be any *sobs* very close encounter with him.
Talking about having close encounters, I tell you something k? I actually cringe when guys come quite near me not because I think that he's some lecherous freak but you know how 'too close for comfort' it can be especially when someone enters your protective bubble. Even if he is handsome, I just feel a bit uncomfortable but I don't blame such a guy lah not because of his looks that I can forgive him but because he can be unaware about it. Okay, cringe may not be a suitable word to describe how I feel but I just feel a tad uneasy only because I've never been in such close proximity with a guy before. Therefore it tends to give me this fear of this unknown like what is he gonna do even though he's just innocently standing there about to go to work or go back home. But I understand, in today's context, I think guys should create a bit of distance with a girl especially if they're not in a relationship or she's a mere stranger like me in a train. Why? Not because I am anti-guys which is a big no no as I love guys. No, seriously. I DO love guys. But it is just that as open minded as we are, not all of us are so 'easy' that you can lean so bloody close to her till she can hear you breathe or see wisps of smoke coming out from your nostrils. Some of us do have a barrier like have you heard of the term 'invasion of personal space'? Yup, thats it. If some girls like guys coming extremely close to them, touching them, caressing them, errr...giving them orgasmic feelings for fun's sake, there are other girls who would want you to respect their personal space.
Don't get me wrong here. I don't want guys to get the wrong idea that we're so open minded, we can kiss any tom, dick or harry on the streets especially since the clubbing scene in Singapore is flourishing that many girls fall into the trap of easy persuasion. It's a bit sad sometimes that young girls are easily duped into empty promises by some a**holes without knowing that these a**holes are just in it for the sake of entertaining their sexual cravings. And then who is going to take responsibilities? You think that guys nowadays want to take them up is it? No freak way especially if they have planned their life to an extent they are already aiming for their next promotion and on the way of getting the fifth C or whatever. They're not about to cut it short for a 'mistake' they made especially if they have responsibiliities of their own to take care of like their car payments, ageing parents or housing loans for instance.
Okay so it is none of our business to gawk at the young immatured couples in the trains or buses who are kissing and cuddling in full view of the crowd. Nice to see lah and free some more but please lah, leave the french kissing or touching of each other's butts somewhere else. Itchy teenage fingers...I only hope that these girls should know that the guy they are dating is still in the midst of getting to know his sexual desires and his hormones are raging like an angry bull. The best thing is that they should also know that no matter how handsome or how macho their significant other is, they must have a limit as to how much the guy can get physically close to them before it gets to the point of being 'disrespectful'. Haiz..anyway, as if they care.
Talking about physical proximity, I still cannot forget how close we got in the lift, but of course there were other people in it too, because it felt like I have already known him for long. SiiiGhhz......such a wonderful wonderful experience. At first, it was rather uncomfortable such as the risk of being squashed against the back of the lift. Yes I know I have been complaining about how guys should learn how to space out a bit from girls because not all of us can tolerate hot air blowing out from their nose and onto our faces from complete strangers who obviously are standing too close. But sometimes the ironic thing is that with the MRT crush of mine..I felt rather protected as if he was protecting me from the crowd by standing very close to me till I didn't have room to move in the lift because the lift was getting jam packed. Like I said, maybe he did think that he was too close to me but hey, what to do..the people who boarded the lift a bit late didn't want to wait for another 30 seconds for the next lift to come.
Sh*t, am I getting too despo or desperate for short? Whats happening to the 'I have other commitments so I have no time for a relationship...yet' kind of attitude? Why the heck am I so bothered with him that even though from the time I started taking the NEL mrt to work during my off field duty days, I would have met so many good looking guys who oozed with confidence and sex appeal that any office girl, coffee lady or female cleaner would have fallen hard for if such guys work in their office. And I am like so smitten by his looks from the time I accidentally gazed at him while looking out for my other colleagues even though his looks may have easily escaped the glares from the 'hungry-for-good looking-men' kind of women. And I swear...f you ask me to recall how he looks like right now, I can only have a flashback but I don't know exactly how he looks like. I cannot recall such details but I can only recall how his body looks like. I think I trained my eyes wrongly. I have the tendency to look at the big picture, I guess..hehe. Hey, at least not look at his package.
But there's a problem. It didn't occur to me if he is married by looking at his fingers. I always get the back or side view lah after seeing him two seconds tops for his face. Tsk, being at this age where being attached/engaged/married is a norm already, I have to play a careful game. I am SO not gonna get into a mess with someone's husband or fiancee especially if there are unpaid spies around even though it is just a simple case of getting to know each other as a friend and nothing else. Jealousy can make one very ugly...with green skin and two fat horns on the head. People are capable of accusing you of anything nowadays and even if you are seen talking to that guy, they think you're having a scandal. But sometimes it is too obvious that it IS a scandal. Tsk, you don't get notoriously intimate with a fellow colleague even though you know that both of you are married to different people but you expect others to see yourselves as mere 'friends' despite the hugging and..uhm..other kinds of hanky panky. Alamak people...know the difference..know the DIFFERENCE!!
Still, I hate to say this but it could be just a crush with no lead to 'something' like a friendship and yadah yadah...with the word relationship thrown in.
Goodbye soulmate...if God wants me to have a glimpse of you again (like...see no touch rahayu!) He will let me see. Let's make me a deal here. I will promise to forget him...even if it is going to be quite hard at first...after the course tomorrow of which I will go to office as per usual on Friday. But! But but but....I will still make an effort to catch the train at 7.31am in the morning instead of my usual 7.35am train, to try and get a glimpse of him if I can, provided he comes at around the same time until my period of office hibernation ends and I have to start my field duties. And my second promise is that I will not be too hard on myself such as scolding myself vulgarities for missing the bus or scolding the bus driver for taking his or her own sweet time turning the bus to the mrt station even though the arrow is green and has not flashed yet but the bloody..oops..the cautious driver purposely waited for it to flash so he can stop for awhile.
As you know, this is going to be VERY hard. But I shall try........not to scold the bus driver. Can I say something before I break anything including this promise?
I LOVE YOU OH MYSTERIOUS CRUSH!!!
Seriously dunno why the word 'love' has to be mentioned. Like I said, HE could be my tak jadi or unlikely soulmate.
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