Choices
Hello pokemon..hehe..i like saying that. And to think I don't even like pokemon. Well, I have recently started field work and boy am I aching. I was actually quite breatheless yesterday as I went about running errands for my family and eurgh...even climbing up the staircase..or uhm..down the escalator..seemed like a tedious task as I gasped for breath later. I remembered getting into such situations yonks ago before I started training. Haiz...sad reminder that I should hit the gym soon. Yes, rahayu has been complacent but you can't blame me totally...the gym was under renovation since end of last year and when it opened just two weeks ago, had been rather caught up with some activities both at work and outside that..that....okay, Im just making up excuses! No matter how tired a gym workout session can be, and how I hate that twenty minutes on the cross trainer or thirty minutes on the threadmill every single time..even with the tv on and the radio on...I know that the next day I will feel more rejunevated that going up and then down the overhead bridge can be done in a jiffy. Man, I felt like I signed a 'till death do us part' contract that once I slacked, that's it. My energy level will sink down lower than a sunken titanic.
Surprisingly though....for the first time in three months, Im actually losing weight bringing me back to my previous weight range. Man, if these were people I would throw a welcome back party but for now, Im pretty amazed how this weight loss of 3kg make quite a difference as in the clothes fit me better and I don't feel as bloated as before. Even my ever critical mum who has been mocking me quite a lot recently by saying how every skirt of mine looked hiked up a bit on my behind commented if I just bought a new skirt. I was like..no....this was the skirt you banned me from wearing coz you said it looked short on me but I got no choice but to wear it now coz Im too lazy to do the laundry. Taking up my precious few seconds of going to work pondering over my skirt, my mum then remembered the skirt (yes...my mum DOES keep track of my clothes) and said that it looks longer now maybe coz I start outfield duties already after so long so my butt looks smaller. Pfft.....trust me, my mum can be brutally honest at times and spot on. I guess thats why she is called.....my mother?
Anyway, I think it is just funniee....it felt like the beginning of last year when I put on two three kgs before new year and had difficulty losing it despite increased gym workouts. Then suddenly, it went back down again slowly and constantly without even me trying so hard within the first three months. Wat..my body knows how to take a break during the holidays?! But if based on the research of my friend who had successfully lost weight till looking like a papan or flat piece of board, she said that there will come a time when the body will 'rest' and may even put on few kilos. It is also the most frustrating part especially if we have been working hard but the result doesn't quite show. Unfortunately, it is the same time when people start to give up already and then all their efforts will be of no use because they will be back to square one or worse off. Tsk, aiyah if I know...I shouldn't have been worried of becoming a 100kg back then or just be contented with my original target of losing 6kg if it is going to be this complicated. But if your body has adjusted well enough, weight loss becomes gradual naturally so it is not as if Im suffering from some weight loss compulsive disorder where 6kg was simply not enough though I took more than 4 months to lose that but still looked the same and nobody noticed anything either...haha..
Anyway, life's has been pretty okay for me. Things didn't get any better tremendously and at times, I do feel crummy. But I also feel that as long as I have things under control even if it feels like a chore and at times unnecessary, it is only for the best and nothing else. Unless of course I enjoy feeling crummy. I think that I no longer can afford to be complacent even for just one moment because I don't want to make it any more worse.
Whatever it is, I try not to cloud my mind with too many negative things and at the same time, not to do things that will trigger such thoughts. I seriously want to change my life and God only knows how Im dying to do that. Maybe this will be my year? I don't know. All I know is that I have been patient for the longest time and try to keep my cool although in my heart, I feel so crumbled as if Im hanging on a thin thread. I feel like weeping but it will only serve as a temporary relief. Im happy for those who have moved on or about to embark on something new in their life because I can just imagine the excitement of it all. My friend says life is about making choices for ourselves and that we can choose to make life better for us. Just like people who endured physical abuses for so long but one fine day, decided that enough is enough and make a decision to get out of the situation for a better life. But sometimes I hate to admit this, you do need luck to be on your side.
For now, I merely want to survive.
Surprisingly though....for the first time in three months, Im actually losing weight bringing me back to my previous weight range. Man, if these were people I would throw a welcome back party but for now, Im pretty amazed how this weight loss of 3kg make quite a difference as in the clothes fit me better and I don't feel as bloated as before. Even my ever critical mum who has been mocking me quite a lot recently by saying how every skirt of mine looked hiked up a bit on my behind commented if I just bought a new skirt. I was like..no....this was the skirt you banned me from wearing coz you said it looked short on me but I got no choice but to wear it now coz Im too lazy to do the laundry. Taking up my precious few seconds of going to work pondering over my skirt, my mum then remembered the skirt (yes...my mum DOES keep track of my clothes) and said that it looks longer now maybe coz I start outfield duties already after so long so my butt looks smaller. Pfft.....trust me, my mum can be brutally honest at times and spot on. I guess thats why she is called.....my mother?
Anyway, I think it is just funniee....it felt like the beginning of last year when I put on two three kgs before new year and had difficulty losing it despite increased gym workouts. Then suddenly, it went back down again slowly and constantly without even me trying so hard within the first three months. Wat..my body knows how to take a break during the holidays?! But if based on the research of my friend who had successfully lost weight till looking like a papan or flat piece of board, she said that there will come a time when the body will 'rest' and may even put on few kilos. It is also the most frustrating part especially if we have been working hard but the result doesn't quite show. Unfortunately, it is the same time when people start to give up already and then all their efforts will be of no use because they will be back to square one or worse off. Tsk, aiyah if I know...I shouldn't have been worried of becoming a 100kg back then or just be contented with my original target of losing 6kg if it is going to be this complicated. But if your body has adjusted well enough, weight loss becomes gradual naturally so it is not as if Im suffering from some weight loss compulsive disorder where 6kg was simply not enough though I took more than 4 months to lose that but still looked the same and nobody noticed anything either...haha..
Anyway, life's has been pretty okay for me. Things didn't get any better tremendously and at times, I do feel crummy. But I also feel that as long as I have things under control even if it feels like a chore and at times unnecessary, it is only for the best and nothing else. Unless of course I enjoy feeling crummy. I think that I no longer can afford to be complacent even for just one moment because I don't want to make it any more worse.
Whatever it is, I try not to cloud my mind with too many negative things and at the same time, not to do things that will trigger such thoughts. I seriously want to change my life and God only knows how Im dying to do that. Maybe this will be my year? I don't know. All I know is that I have been patient for the longest time and try to keep my cool although in my heart, I feel so crumbled as if Im hanging on a thin thread. I feel like weeping but it will only serve as a temporary relief. Im happy for those who have moved on or about to embark on something new in their life because I can just imagine the excitement of it all. My friend says life is about making choices for ourselves and that we can choose to make life better for us. Just like people who endured physical abuses for so long but one fine day, decided that enough is enough and make a decision to get out of the situation for a better life. But sometimes I hate to admit this, you do need luck to be on your side.
For now, I merely want to survive.
Comments