Bit Better

Yes, I admit yesterday I sounded a bit 'cuckoo' like what my friend said..I was at the point of being suicidal. Don't worrie..I won't kill myself...though guys would kill themselves if they can't have me...heh..lame. Anyway, I shall not go into details as to why I felt so incapable and so lost yesterday but I have slowly tried to make things right from the start of the year and I know this. It's just that I keep on thinking about all that has happened late last year which made me so down and out even though I have tried to make things right when given the opportunity to do so. However, I thought that I didn't do enough like maybe at some point, I have been complacent and each time that happens, it brings me one step closer to the edge without me realising it. But today, even though I felt that I have not made another wrong step again this year and have been more careful, I just wanted to double confirm that I am doing the right things. By proving myself today that hey, I have indeed learnt my lessons and that all I ever was for the benefit of my family...I did some things today which confirmed the fact that I am on the right route all along since promising myself to not make any careless mistakes anymore. It's just that I kept retracting back to the past where I thought I could have done better and that overshadowed me yesterday till I felt I was at a losing end.


But you know we can always plan to make things how we wanted them to be but at times, we have no other choice or there are some things that occur out of nowhere and we cannot run away from them. I guess this may be the case for me except I chose to take it out on myself yesterday like Im responsible for it all. I still feel a bit krummy every now and then but I think that as long as I know and see for myself that I have not been mislead by my negative doings or my own selfishness, I think I can survive.