Slim Chances

Ive been rather down lately. It was so bad that I didn't even feel like blogging even though it is an avenue for me to let out anything that Im not happy about or just talk about random topics. Or just rambling. Maybe because I never had a day of fun ever since the start of the new year and that twice, my meeting with my friends had been cancelled and it was a bummer because for days, I had been looking forward to such days. Well, one of them, I got the date wrong even though I didn't think so but oh well, I can't do anything about it. Things have been too routine for me and work is getting so dreary everyday plus everyone has to pretend that it is okay. I thought I was the only one living in fear until I heard people saying 'you want to die is it?' when someone suggested that we bring up to the execs if we could claim one hour time off since we stayed for more than an hour during the course which was supposed to finish at 5pm but ended up at 7plus. We only managed to maintain our sanity among one another with jokes, personal experiences outside of work and having lunch together which is also the time we voice out our unhappiness about the work. Other than that, there is this huge barrier among the management and the like-minded officers.


I was pretty surprised that after my individual meeting with the director of our department, someone asked me how and then she said that anyway, we just agree lah to what they say and don't say anything on our part. Well, I wanted to just say there is really no problem with work except the usual changes that I don't know if I am able to cope because they are completely new to me. But the director was pressing me on like surely there was something to say so I just brought about my father in which there would be days when I need to take leaves to attend to the follow up with him. Then she was rambling about how I should know the days with work activities in advance such as the in service or general meeting so that it would not clash and that I didn't have to miss it. But she missed my point because that is not my concern but I felt that she thought I didn't understand. In the end, I was like 'that I know but I was just worried how it would affect the statistics for my annual appraisal at the end of the year'...then she got my point (finally!) and said that why should I worry if lets say, 95% of the time I was doing a good job and that this would only affect 5% since the percentage given for the stats is just 5% out of the whole 100%. Yah right..as if I will get that 95% since the emphasis right now is not whether you do a good job or not but if you give them trouble to look for replacements when you are on leave or when you are on mc. How does that equate to doing a good job? So now, if we take leave or we take mc, it will be the biggest crime of the day even if we are genuinely sick, which they 'cared' to emphasize they understand if we are sick, but yet again, the stats will go off-track. So moral of the story? Think very very carefully if it is worth taking the mc. Pui...they're turning us into super workaholics working our ass off for their own benefits.


That's pretty much about work in which everyone is trying to be so tight lipped because one wrong turn can land us into trouble. I have not been taking my weight since the start of the year and partly because the gym was under renovation so that helped in curbing my obssession to take my weight. Maybe I'll be happier being at my previous weight..I don't know. You can say that it is just a number which doesn't mean much and that if I depend on it for a dose of happiness, then something is seriously wrong because it is just silly. Frankly speaking, when I was that weight, I was not even super happy yet because I still have the flabs even though they didn't 'stick out' as much as it does now. Im not trying to be so slim that you can't see an ounce of fat on me but I want to give myself back my self confidence by being at a level I am comfortable with my flabs. However, I seem to only be depressed because instead of moving forward, I am digressing. It is harder when you're a woman because if you put on weight, unlike men, it can be so obvious. However, don't worry so much about me. I am coping quite well nowadays because one thing I know for sure is that if I don't do the crime, such as heavy snacking if Im in such a crappy mood, chances are I won't experience another weight gain and start blaming myself which in turn lead me to heavy snacking. It is going to be one heck of a vicious circle so for now, I just let whatever reasons that cause me to put on weight in the past and look forward to losing weight instead. Not for the sake of vanity or to wear the latest fashion, but for the sake of my health by being out of the 'high risk of getting obesity related diseases' range.


Okay, talk about losing weight, have you ever seen the slimming ads in the newspapers which NEVER fail to occupy half or the entire page? Those people who have lost weight successfully through their programmes will have to put on those bikinis or the swimsuits with cut-outs in the appropriate places to show off to the world their new svelte figures. Please lah, those swimsuits make them look skankier and to me, it is just a sign of desperateness of attracting potential customers from their competitors. And the people who wore them, some of them are celebrities who gained fame even before they started losing weight but where do they stand now? Okay, maybe two or three are still going strong and being in the killer industry where looks=talents play a big part, they won't get the acting parts they wanted or any hosting or singing gigs. Instead they had to be contented with mediocre parts where they had to act like an auntie even though they are far younger than the role they played. Perhaps they don't mind and they can be so good at it. However there will come a time when they want to experiment playing other parts but are turned down as they are just not physically cut out for it. Instead, such meaty roles are given to those people with the 'right body proportions' but not necessarily talented. And obviously, talent is not an issue here. It is the ratings that count and what better way than to lure the picky audiences with good looking actors and actresses.


So endorsement deals may not be such a bad thing especially if they don't have to pay a single cent and they can get the acting roles or hosting gigs that they wanted. If you ask me, I wouldn't mind taking them up. But if you look carefully at these slimming ads which will portray the people they had endorsed and became part of their 'successful stories', they are just getting skinnier and skinnier with each slimming ad. Just take for example, Olinda Cho. She was at a weight (where I actually wished I am right now) which is not appropriate by media standards because to be fat is a no-no if you want to start getting recognition for your singing talent. So we may go 'ooh' and 'aah' when she successfully lost weight and has that perfect womanly curvy figure which is THE ticket to finally getting a name for herself as a singer. But as time goes by, she becomes skinnier and skinnier and what happen to her singing career? I don't see any progress and the only progress I see in her is that she is becoming one of those plastered models for the slimming company who endorsed her. The last ad I saw her was when she wore that cut- out skimpy swimsuit as she moved on from an acceptable weight range to a 'sought after' range in the media industry. I think she should concentrate more on what she loves doing most which is singing because to me, I think that she isn't a bad singer and has potential but if she concentrates too much on her physical desires, then say bye-bye to her singing career.


Please lah, it is not a guarantee that men will flock to you if you have a body as near perfect as a supermodel with help from the appropriate people. Even if they do, what's the point of attracting men solely with your dream physical proportions when chances are, such shallow men may still leave you for another woman with better looks and a smaller waist circumference. Of course, in all of us, we do want to get 'hooked' to someone who looks pleasantly enough for us to make one of those long gazing moments but over time it can be a bore. Then there are those who can't be bothered to get to know someone because he or she is not good looking enough but when forced in a situation where they soon know the personality of that particular someone, somehow they get hooked on him or her and wouldn't care less how big his nose is or how small her boobs are.


To me, what is important is that you should be able to project yourself out well whether you are fat or thin because self confidence can be contagious. Do what you can to get that self confidence back on track and you may realise that you don't need to wear a skimpy bikini to get that dose of self confidence. Take good care of yourself inside and out and slowly, you won't think so much about whether people can accept you for who you are or how you look like. Then at least can save space in the newspaper for news-worthy stuffs rather than having to face numerous slimming ads all the time with every turn of the page. Save me..please.

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