True Single

Okay...me and my big mouth..now have to write about the real perspective...of being a single woman.


Well, I dont like to make this an issue or something..coz in the first place, it isnt an issue after all. But time and time again, I read about articles that singlehood is fun..woohoo! more freedom..woohoo! no guys to report to..woohoo! The people who write this kind of articles..they give me the impression that they are trying to tide over their past relationship by diving head on into singlehood without properly understanding that being single doesnt necessarily equate to a lifetime pursuit of forgotten happiness. And you know what? Once they start hopping on the bandwagon of a newfound relationship, they forgot what's it like being a single and they start becoming like a lovesick puppy who forget to spare some 'me' time for themselves.


For myself, there is pros and cons to everything..whether you're a single or attached. I mean..pfft..for all you know..you can even be both...unknowingly. You're not a loser if you're a single. Yah, okay..we dont get to talk on the phone till late nights with the special one..we dont get to go on frequent dates with the special one...and if he's good looking, we dont have that special one to just stare and stare at his freakin face while he's talking even though you dont understand a shit he's talking about. It's called...'im infatuated with him' stare. Oh, did I mention if let's say you go to a bbq party held by your ex schoolmates or a gathering with your colleagues, you come alone instead of a pair?


SUcks isn't it? Dont let me get started on getting free gifts from 'the one'.


But seriously, of course it will suck if you keep thinking that way. YOu want to know what I see all of this as? I see this..as a sign..that we need to get a life. Seriously. For myself, I dont see a relationship being all peachy or rosy. The way I see relationships..as well as singlehood...they're both pretty much on par with each other because we can learn a lot from them. Heck, we can even learn about other people whether they are in love..out of love..or..not in love...like yours truly for example.


I used to think back then in my late teens and my early twenties that no guy will look my way coz I dress like a frumpy auntie. Im also big sized..like thrice the size of my colleagues or friends my age who were very much attached and in lurve so my confidence wasn't that high in getting a boyfriend. I didnt blame guys if they didnt try to pursuit me coz I know we're all shallow deep down inside. Heck, even at that size..I just loved looking at the better looking ang mohs and wish Im dating them or something. Chinese guys?? Pfft......they were not THAT important. Yet.


But as I age..as in..approaching my mid twenties (Im not that old..), I realise that there are better things in life and that if I want someone to love me, I must first start loving myself. That means taking good care of myself, building my self confidence, do something about my friggin' hair...and dress up better. As I started to love myself slowly, I began not think so much on why I lack a social life with at least 50% of them being guys. Infact, when I see guys looking at some pretty and slim girls at one corner..and then darting their eyes to another corner for yet another bevy of beauties, I dont feel like im losing out. Infact to me, they're lame-Os and I dont want to be their subject of adoration. Seriously, I can easily find guys like that anywhere..but a guy who is willing to surpass my weaknesses or my bad hair days (which to me..is like almost every day) or my 'couldnt-be-bothered-with-trends' fashion style, and talk to me like a best friend, well...that's hard to come by.


Seriously, Im not the type who can easily get along with guys and talk to them casually like talking to a girl pal..unless of course they look like a girl, but that's another story. Guys themselves take time to get to know me even on a friendship level coz they thought Im just so shy of them. But slowly, if they think we're worth getting to know better and that they're not the type who rate you based on looks, it can be fun getting to know the opposite sex as good friends. Based on my past experiences, like my lovable friend Az*m who always seem to know if Im having some personal problem especially when I used to frequently be easily depressed by my own personal nemesis.


I learn that it's okay to be shy initially but if we want to get to know guys better in general, we have to slowly let ourselves loose a bit. I try to loosen up by not thinking about what the guy thinks about me or do I look stupid in this outfit or what..I mean..just relax and then learn to be friendly and slowly they'll catch on once they find that you're nice to talk to.


Anyway, my point is...I realise that it is not so much important to have that one single guy as a main squeeze but to have many coz...fooh..that's a gift! Okay! Just kidding. What I meant to say is that..I use this opportunity, as a single, to get to know guys better in general even if I have yet to hook on to one yet. It's interesting as well because you get an insight into what they are really like and what they think about girls in general..or even specific girls...if you bother to go into nitty gritty details. Like the other time, I asked D what he thought about the looks of an ex colleague of mine in a photo. She's often criticizing other girls' looks and spending so much money on herself and apparently had left her husband for a younger better looking guy as well. His take? No comments on her looks. Come on, at least credit her like you know..an average looker or something but no comments?! But it's interesting though...


Then, sometimes...while a boyfriend can give you an opinion that matters to him only coz obviously he doesnt want others to pursuit you as well, a guy friend may give an opinion that matters to guys in general. He may think that you look better with longer hair than a shorter one or that your loud mouth can make you the last person a guy wanna go out with. Or that the size of boobs dont matter so dont be paranoid and be the next Pam Anderson. Unless of course that guy friend of yours is into big boobs.


But dont get me wrong here. Im not promoting singlehood here. Even if I am in a relationship I wont promote it. But, whatever it is, I just want to make the best of each one. So I try not to fret about it on not meeting the kind of guy that sets my heart a fluttering. I just continue to improve on my well being, build on my strengths, do something about my weaknesses just like an actress who conditions herself and takes lessons to become a better actress and in the process gets very good offers. If we dont put in efforts or show the world what we are really made of, it can be a major turn off. Especially to guys. So wipe that desperate look off your face, dust yourself and tell yourself that you deserve a better man. And that man? Deserves you more than anyone else..


So.....dont be a fakie and lying straight up to yourself that singlehood is DA best of all and screw all those women who are in lurve. So the question now becomes...do we deserve the kind of love and affection that we so longingly want our future love to provide us? Or we're just hoping to be the receiving end and not the giving kind? It takes two hands to clap you know. I am picking up a lot of lessons from others in relationship and unfortunately, also become an aunt agony of sorts to them as well because if you're not in love, they have a mentality that you can think more logically. Whatever..


You know what? FOr a start, stop reading those trashy novels that sees being single as being tied to a ball of chains. Trust me, you wont end up in a house full of cats. Im taking this opportunity as a time for major exploration not just in the world of guys but in the world of our own. So get to know yourself better so you know exactly what kind of guy you want that will definitely complete you and deserve the title of being your better half even if it's gonna take some time. Well, marriage is for a lifetime right so of course we dont want to make the biggest mistake of our lifetime as well..so relax..take it easy. Think baby steps.

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