What the hell is wrong with my immune system nowadays?! I seem to be sick almost every month! Okay...maybe blame it on my refusal to see the doctor for some medicinal help but still! What have I Done to deserve these &$$% muscle aches and $%$^ running nose? Pfft....whats this? A heavenly signal to ask me to ease down a bit and not be a workaholic?
Haiz....whatever it is, my knees no longer felt so numb and sore as if bricks were tied to them like yesterday after suffering from fever for the past few nights. When you have fever, you tend to imagine the worst..trust me...it's like your imagination runs wild throughout the night robbing you of precious sleep. I kept waking up to weird noises and even hallucinations like my mum suddenly 'running' through my room and then disappeared through the walls and was actually startled by it. Turned out that my mum was sleeping soundly infront. That was not the only incident. You cant tell between reality and your wild imagination. Well...fever messes up your brain. Why do you think that extra care has to be in place for babies who are suffering from fever? It can cause them brain damage. But my brain cells are not that high in the first place so it doesnt make a difference to me with or without fever.
Actually, I wanted to write about something 'sensitive' but I dont want friendships to turn sour or any misunderstandings to occur even though that may be a bit too late. Yes I know I can be a pretty 'soft' person and the sort people think that they can just bark me a little and scar me forever. But if I was that insensitive, I would not have kept any long term friendships and that everyone would rather stay away from me. If I only look at the fact that many a times people have hurt my feelings through words which they thought do not affect me because they're too selfish. They only think about themselves. They think that I can quickly recover or I probably dont understand whats going on coz Im so freaking blur...but actually I do. I just dont want to bark back coz its just not in my nature to fight fire with fire. If I have to stoop that low to be of that level, then Im no better than them. There's just too much evil in this world and Im not about to contribute to that.
Yes, if it is my right or my priviledge, then I should fight for it. that's the only thing that, sad to say, I have yet to master. Why? Because.................I dont want to lose a friendship that took years to form but then when it breaks, the pressure falls on me since that person is so selfish to think that I was the one who caused it. Even though it may not be the actual truth as to how it started, it would just kill me slowly even with a false truth. If a friendship was to end, let it be on the other party's accord like he or she wants to end it and not me. If they want to move on, let them be. At least it will leave me guilt free that I was not the one who suggested or that I know I have put in efforts but the person just refused to accept my apology because he or she die die just refuse to have anything to do with me.
Believe it or not, this has happened before. A few times. And my mind can actually rest in peace because I know Im guilt free that it is not my fault. They're just cruel enough to simply overlook all the things I have done for them for the sake of friendship coz they want to 'move' on to better things. SO be it. Let them feel the hurt they had caused me. Let them feel the remorse of trying their best to save the friendship but nothing comes out of it as they are not cool enough or not hip enough.
Some people needed to be taught a few life lessons but Im not gonna be the one giving them an earful of it. I have too many things to handle in my own life. We are adults already and we should know better that not all things are what we thought they are. Unexpected things may come in and people shouldn't be easily upset about it and start blaming every other person on the planet earth except themselves. Why? Because they thought they are these perfect little beings. Well reality check: We're not. So stop thinking like that anymore or you'll never be open enough to accept changes and that not everybody is what you think they are.
Haiz....whatever it is, my knees no longer felt so numb and sore as if bricks were tied to them like yesterday after suffering from fever for the past few nights. When you have fever, you tend to imagine the worst..trust me...it's like your imagination runs wild throughout the night robbing you of precious sleep. I kept waking up to weird noises and even hallucinations like my mum suddenly 'running' through my room and then disappeared through the walls and was actually startled by it. Turned out that my mum was sleeping soundly infront. That was not the only incident. You cant tell between reality and your wild imagination. Well...fever messes up your brain. Why do you think that extra care has to be in place for babies who are suffering from fever? It can cause them brain damage. But my brain cells are not that high in the first place so it doesnt make a difference to me with or without fever.
Actually, I wanted to write about something 'sensitive' but I dont want friendships to turn sour or any misunderstandings to occur even though that may be a bit too late. Yes I know I can be a pretty 'soft' person and the sort people think that they can just bark me a little and scar me forever. But if I was that insensitive, I would not have kept any long term friendships and that everyone would rather stay away from me. If I only look at the fact that many a times people have hurt my feelings through words which they thought do not affect me because they're too selfish. They only think about themselves. They think that I can quickly recover or I probably dont understand whats going on coz Im so freaking blur...but actually I do. I just dont want to bark back coz its just not in my nature to fight fire with fire. If I have to stoop that low to be of that level, then Im no better than them. There's just too much evil in this world and Im not about to contribute to that.
Yes, if it is my right or my priviledge, then I should fight for it. that's the only thing that, sad to say, I have yet to master. Why? Because.................I dont want to lose a friendship that took years to form but then when it breaks, the pressure falls on me since that person is so selfish to think that I was the one who caused it. Even though it may not be the actual truth as to how it started, it would just kill me slowly even with a false truth. If a friendship was to end, let it be on the other party's accord like he or she wants to end it and not me. If they want to move on, let them be. At least it will leave me guilt free that I was not the one who suggested or that I know I have put in efforts but the person just refused to accept my apology because he or she die die just refuse to have anything to do with me.
Believe it or not, this has happened before. A few times. And my mind can actually rest in peace because I know Im guilt free that it is not my fault. They're just cruel enough to simply overlook all the things I have done for them for the sake of friendship coz they want to 'move' on to better things. SO be it. Let them feel the hurt they had caused me. Let them feel the remorse of trying their best to save the friendship but nothing comes out of it as they are not cool enough or not hip enough.
Some people needed to be taught a few life lessons but Im not gonna be the one giving them an earful of it. I have too many things to handle in my own life. We are adults already and we should know better that not all things are what we thought they are. Unexpected things may come in and people shouldn't be easily upset about it and start blaming every other person on the planet earth except themselves. Why? Because they thought they are these perfect little beings. Well reality check: We're not. So stop thinking like that anymore or you'll never be open enough to accept changes and that not everybody is what you think they are.
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