"Living Each Single Day"

Hello pokemon..hehe..i like saying that. And to think I don't even like pokemon. Well, I have recently started field work and boy am I aching. I was actually quite breatheless yesterday as I went about running errands for my family and eurgh...even climbing up the staircase..or uhm..down the escalator..seemed like a tedious task as I gasped for breath later. I remembered getting into such situations yonks ago before I started training. Haiz...sad reminder that I should hit the gym soon. Yes, rahayu has been complacent but you can't blame me totally...the gym was under renovation since end of last year and when it opened just two weeks ago, had been rather caught up with some activities both at work and outside that..that....okay, Im just making up excuses! No matter how tired a gym workout session can be, and how I hate that twenty minutes on the cross trainer or thirty minutes on the threadmill every single time..even with the tv on and the radio on...I know that the next day ...

Who knew the world is so small...I remembered growing up watching game shows, teen dramas, teen comedies, cartoons....like as if my world revolved around the television. There isn't much difference from my life today. Now it is mainly revolving around the internet..heh..Okay, I actually like to look up through google for some familiar names that I remembered from my past. And these past few days, I recalled this movie I 'made' in my head during my bored moments back in those days and they were very clear in my mind. I even remembered the 'actors' playing in that movie of mine but the only thing was that these faces were stuck in that period of time. Clearly they would have changed since that time was around 1993 to 1995 compared to the present day 2007. Look, even I changed....uhm....to become sloppier than I was before..and more starkingly different is that I no longer wear my braid so long they touched my waist. Ever since then I had kept my hair very short or unt...

i remembered the crowd being hysterical over this song..and also..uhm..yours truly. while in the midst of being squashed, i could remember being shell shocked because I couldn't believe I was watching MUSE live..and playing that song! wahey!!

having stomach cramps but so far, my threshold of pain is pretty okay. in the past two days, I started with my field work. gawd im so tired and my back felt like it is in need of some good massage as im trying to get used to sitting on a kiddie chair for MORe than an hour. That's right. crouching over a small table and sitting on a small chair with me trying hard to have my back as straight as possible but at times, i bent down without realising it. okay, and there was this mad rush back to office which I saw no point but because we didn't want to get into trouble and I don't want any of those report writing crap, we returned to office despite our return being only 5 minutes before our end of work time. Pfft..... forget about work. I dont want to have one more stress-related physical pain. so what does rahayu do to relax her body and soul? tsk..as if you don't know..tinkering on my pc keyboard la! okay, besides that...yesterday, as my mood became less foul and I wanted ...

Yes, I admit yesterday I sounded a bit 'cuckoo' like what my friend said..I was at the point of being suicidal. Don't worrie..I won't kill myself...though guys would kill themselves if they can't have me...heh..lame. Anyway, I shall not go into details as to why I felt so incapable and so lost yesterday but I have slowly tried to make things right from the start of the year and I know this. It's just that I keep on thinking about all that has happened late last year which made me so down and out even though I have tried to make things right when given the opportunity to do so. However, I thought that I didn't do enough like maybe at some point, I have been complacent and each time that happens, it brings me one step closer to the edge without me realising it. But today, even though I felt that I have not made another wrong step again this year and have been more careful, I just wanted to double confirm that I am doing the right things. By proving myself toda...

Gosh..with my state of mind like this...what with the kind of news and interrogation given by the doctor just now during my father's check up at the hospital..and the thought of how am I gonna cope with my family's future expenditures...Im almost driven to the point of insanity. I don't want to think of the worst but you just have to be prepared for it somehow..someday...and it's hard enough trying to stay upright on a balancing beam. Sometimes, I felt like I've been given few chances to make it better but I screwed up. However, if I recalled, I didn't think I did and I planned carefully on anything and everything involving my family putting myself aside at times but it just always felt that I didn't do enough for them. I felt that I did not sacrifice enough or at some point, I had made mistakes along the way making me feel like Im back to square one. I guess only God knows if Im doing things correctly because right now, I am feeling like Im doing more damag...

Iv'e been under a lot of stress lately even though the first month is not even up yet. With the crappy competency tests which I cannot accept why the heck they equate the passing mark to be that of 90 and above. If you're 89 and below...you failed. And pfft...yours truly got an 89 and most of us failed. So does that mean we're incompetent? Hell no! Gawd Im so angry..and the comments given were not even constructive! If they think that they know Im shy by nature, they shouldn't harp on that during the test round because if I were shy when giving that couselling, I wouldn't look at her face okay freaks? And then the chief of all satans said that my voice was soothing that if this talk were to stretch for half an hour, he could have fallen asleep. So you want me to do what? Shout at the person is it? Please lah..it's all about content and assurance of the parent of the child's condition..not to see if im good enough to put the person to sleep! What the fish is ...

I told you they learnt about the clapping motion on you tube! heh.. I love you MUSE!

Im having a bit of the sniffles here. I think I had been rather stressed out lately and never have I felt so freakin nervous like this for a long time. Im just pissed at how they rated the competency test...and then yesterday, I went for the you-know-what. I can't say in full details or I'll start thinking about it and clearly, I don't want to fall into one big heap of disappointment in the end. Well..whatever it is, Mariah and I are just going to have some fun later..hee..Yah, maybe Im a bit sick coz I've been lacking that since the start of the year. Oh, and I couldn't sleep back again just now when my dad turned on the light outside which was so freakin bright to me. Was tossing and turning on my mattress while at the same time trying to get rid of my thoughts about yesterday. Aiyoh...if I continue feeling so stressed out, I may suffer a heart collapse. Mariah that time wrote about me not going on a single date before..hehe. Yes, Im a date virgin. Before you jump...

HAizZz.... I made an ultimate sacrifice just now. I had to sacrifice my more than a year of photo collections and darn it rahayu, why the heck you never made a back up?! Hrmph...dats why Im so anti-laptop. Like what I told my friend..'lawa tapi tak guna!' translated to pretty but useless! YES I KNOW..it's compact and you can bring it everywhere. But no matter how you twist and turn the story..I will still stay firm on my anti-laptop stand..and yet, Im typing on one now. I don't hate them really and it's still computer no matter what. The thing that I don't like is....the lifespan is not very long and you don't have to wait for it to reach 'maturity' and already you may experience problems. Like mine for instance.. Okay, maybe it was partly my fault too because I didn't do regular housekeeping as Im not too bothered by it since it has a big memory space. I spend most of the time on my desktop. The only kind of housekeeping I do is to clear the dis...

hehe...i want to thank my friend mariah for writing such a nice entry about me..hehe..this is just me paying back..err..her kindness :)..but anyway, sorry ah if i use your entry as an example because i don't know head or tail lah. hrm, I knew mariah (a nickname she hates..but who cares..hee) from our pre-u days. It was a well known fact that I was the 'quiet one' who joined their class as a repeat student and gawd I hate that status but I had to pay for my 'crime'. I was quiet because I felt that I would not be accepted and seen as a failure instead. I kinda stuck to one or two people because they just happened to sit in the row as me. I remembered Mariah but she didn't seem approachable lah and she seemed to view me as 'different' because I could sense from the way she looked at me and I remembered she sat near the window behind my row of table. Or was it the next two row..er..dunnolah. but then..dunno how....as I got to be cheerful all over again beca...

I'd better get this over and done with..yesterday I was doing an entry on this and i got bored halfway coz unlike other people who would just love to narrate about the things they do on a typical outing with boyfriend/girlfriend/fiancee/friends, I hate to narrate about stuffs. I shall just give a summary...which does not equate to mere 5o words but I don't know why I like to call it summary..hehe. Okay! I wanted to say I had an awesome time at the Muse Concert last Tuesday which I had been waiting for more than two months! And the waiting didn't end there..apparently, I had to wait yet another one and a half hour in the open field at Fort Canning Park. I was bloody nervous. Nervous of the crowd..not so much of going to see Muse up close. But my friend didn't paint a good picture when she said that she might need to pull my arm. It was exciting because we got to be quite near the front which means that I would get a good view of Muse! I had to entertain myself by looking...

I started my morning on a clean slate today. DON'T KNOW WHy..but it felt good though..hehe. Suprisingly, after days of trying to be in the MRt by 7.31am and NOT suprisingly, I failed...I actually managed to get the train by that time. And I didn't even expect to be early today. Seriously. Especially on a Monday. You know the deal with Mondays. If you have been following my entry, there is only reason why I wanted to take the train at that time so badly but yet today, despite being early...my mind somehow wandered off already that Im slowly forgetting the existence of the mysterious crush. Didn't I tell you that for the past year in 2006, my crushes have been nothing but useless. They're not dumbos with looks to boot but with no batteries in their brain and I know one of them hold a post higher than the execs in my office who are disorganized...mentally challenged...and with hearts of stone. I guess it just boils down to my 'mixed feelings' on whether Im missing ...

Im happy. ^ ^ Im happy not because I get a windfall or something because if that happens, I wouldn't be sitting here typing out an entry but out and about shopping. Im happy because I have finished one of my tasks for January. Another one is near finished but because of an upcoming test this week, I can't put on the finishing touches. Im too shy to say what exactly is that because I don't want to create some publicity being an extreme newbie in this field. Plus I hate picky people..haha. Nolah, it's just some work which I have been putting on hold for a damn long time because of sheer laziness and also because I was not too confident about my work as I felt I was not good at it. But then, I thought, heck..they can say what they want. You can't please everybody. I just want to make this my own personal gallery but if I can make money out of it too, why not..hehe..since it is part of my dream too. Even though it is very very small scale, Im still happy nevertheless as...

Ive been rather down lately. It was so bad that I didn't even feel like blogging even though it is an avenue for me to let out anything that Im not happy about or just talk about random topics. Or just rambling. Maybe because I never had a day of fun ever since the start of the new year and that twice, my meeting with my friends had been cancelled and it was a bummer because for days, I had been looking forward to such days. Well, one of them, I got the date wrong even though I didn't think so but oh well, I can't do anything about it. Things have been too routine for me and work is getting so dreary everyday plus everyone has to pretend that it is okay. I thought I was the only one living in fear until I heard people saying 'you want to die is it?' when someone suggested that we bring up to the execs if we could claim one hour time off since we stayed for more than an hour during the course which was supposed to finish at 5pm but ended up at 7plus. We only managed ...

Bloody hell. Who the heck take a picture of themselves in the morning in the midst of getting ready for work just to see how the hell they look like? Apparently me! Yes, me! The one who wasted her time fiddling with the camera, set it to self-timer, put it in one corner and take a snapshot of herself followed by analysis as to how she looked like in this top now and then! Bloody hell. And because of this UNBELIEVABLE waste of time, I missed the 7.31am mrt by mere seconds! And you know how criticial that 7.31am mrt to me is even though I don't like arriving to work very the early? VERY CRITICAL! Because I found that I will have a higher chance of meeting my crush midway to work. Bloody hell. Didn't see him as a result of that 4 minute of camera whoring. And today, I was hoping to meet him again but my mum just HAD to occupy the toilet for a freakin' long time till she was eating into my bath time. I had already learnt my lesson to not take a snapshot of me in the morning and...