Missed Opportunity
Aah..shoot..came here to blog but forgot what to blog about. Oh. Before we get to that..yippeee!! I dont have to go back to the pathetic office tomorrow! Since tomorrow is full day screening, I dont have to report back but straight from the field visit to home! Yippeee!! Oh, and I promise....tomorrow I wont be stepped all over by D with his err...talkativeness like if I say a single sentence..he will retort back in sentences often trying to put me down. Okay maybe like what Mariah said, he missed me..bwhahaha!!! eww..now I remembered what I wanted to blog about.
Oh, I remembered being in a hospital with my ex schoolmates a.k.a the acquintances and someone was hospitalised..dunno who.. cant remember.. coz couldnt care less. And apparently the 'patient' who was our friend ran away and we were left searching the hospital premises. But we ended up visiting another patient and we were all sitting down there. And then....a friend of mine called A started grabbing one of my hands and twisting and err..playing with it..resting the head on me shoulders..like a happy couple thingey..while the rest looked on. We were also smiling and whispering to each other and could not care less about what others thought. But in my head even that time in my own dream I didnt bear any feelings for this person. I saw it more like a friendship thingey even though he said he loves me out of dream context a.k.a. in reality. But I didnt see it as anything special out of it. Maybe just a wee bit surprising considering I didnt see this person for half a year.
When I watched some youtube videos, and based on other people's experiences, the word 'i l..... you' will bring about a new level of interest between two people. Oh, especially if one of them is an idiot and needed to be told those three damn words in order to be woken up that someone is interested in him or her. But that l word can also mean...'friendship'. Unless I happen to be one of those idiots as well who cant tell if the person is crushing on me and I just brushed it off as just a friendship thingey.
I went out with my friend two days ago and kinda told her about the barbeque party we went to. As usual..she was a tad bit irritating and was making noise as to why I didnt ask her along. But then again, she made noise over everything...heh. Anyway, she asked me about A and I was like..yah..he was there. But he brought a date along and she was surprised. She told me that wah..it would be a lost opportunity for me since she thought that he is a nice guy coz I did talk to her about him many times for the past few years. She had the impression that A seems to be a good choice for me since we are like almost the same built (height not included even though it helps that I like shorter guys) and that he has always been nice to me especially during my down times.
Then while others may think that me now is better than me then but you know what he thought all this time even after seeing me after so long that Saturday? He still hold on to this impression that I was trying to be like others...you know..being thin..coz I felt out of place from the rest and that the only way to be accepted by them was to look like them. Wah, thats a scary thought. How do I know this? Coz he told me the next night via our online chat. He didnt say out right like that..but can he just stop thinking that Im trying to fit in?!!
My friend was like telling me that hey, maybe he does like you and even more so now since he mentioned the 'l' word. I remembered thinking whenever he said that he liked me as a friend that hey, does this mean he had a crush on me?? Haha..but now..seriously speaking, it's like as if that word fell on deaf ears and I even upset him a bit when I said 'i Don need your love' coz I was a bit miffed with him after what he said about me. He was like 'oh come on..dont be like this'.. Somehow I recomposed and said that well....im a bit 'bz' so I'll get back to him on that one and it made him laugh and said something like well at least Im still the same girl that he knew.
You know...if he's some guy Im totally crushing on and to say he loves me for who I am no matter how I am physically...whether I think that im fat or thin...I'll be over the freaking moon! But as sweet as it was for him to say that, it felt dead. My gal pal really thought that I should ask him out as a friend and maybe he will be really flattered that it's not 'one sided'. Yeah, right.
Gawd I hate that dream and err..my gal pal too who suddenly puts meaning into something that i never gave second thoughts about. I dont know why she made it seem like I am giving up a good opportunity. There IS no opportunity! Can I just move on from here? I dont want to be stuck in the past where I had that crush on A especially when we were out on our gatherings and it was always me trying to find an opportunity to take a photo with him and then trying to sit with him. But that time it felt like A was doing what I used to do to him...u know..finding opportunities with him during photo taking. Even during the group photo thingey, I didnt want to stand beside him but instead he tried to inch so near me till I thought I could not breathe. I kinda gave him a brush off by saying that I wanted to stand beside Min because I felt awkward that there he was with me and his date was somewhere at the other end.
I guess I was also rather sick and tired of them associating me with him after so long and he could just be lapping up on it as that night I didnt heap any attention on him. Then, maybe he thought that it was rather unusual of me?
I suppose the months of not seeing my ex classmates for so long and then seeing them now...made me view them differently. Maybe even Mariah is thinking that D is still somehow stuck in my mind right now even though it is clear that D is beyond my limit given his marital status. Now D..he's different. I just thought that it is kinda great having a good looking guy pal..heh...who sucks at being like an elder brother to me judging from his history of giving me bad advice.
Whatever it is, a dream is just a dream and it means nothing. However, sometimes a dream may arise from our incomplete thoughts. A dream can also explore the inner part of us that we try to hide such as maybe in this case, I did think about what my friend said that maybe he is crushing on me and instead, i brushed it aside citing it as just a declaration of our long term friendship. But then who knows...I may have thought of it as more than that? So in comes my dream to showcase to me what I could have truly felt. However, it was also overshadowed within my own dream itself no less by my actual thought that he will still remain as a friend to me.
Missed opportunity? Well, who knows...
Oh, I remembered being in a hospital with my ex schoolmates a.k.a the acquintances and someone was hospitalised..dunno who.. cant remember.. coz couldnt care less. And apparently the 'patient' who was our friend ran away and we were left searching the hospital premises. But we ended up visiting another patient and we were all sitting down there. And then....a friend of mine called A started grabbing one of my hands and twisting and err..playing with it..resting the head on me shoulders..like a happy couple thingey..while the rest looked on. We were also smiling and whispering to each other and could not care less about what others thought. But in my head even that time in my own dream I didnt bear any feelings for this person. I saw it more like a friendship thingey even though he said he loves me out of dream context a.k.a. in reality. But I didnt see it as anything special out of it. Maybe just a wee bit surprising considering I didnt see this person for half a year.
When I watched some youtube videos, and based on other people's experiences, the word 'i l..... you' will bring about a new level of interest between two people. Oh, especially if one of them is an idiot and needed to be told those three damn words in order to be woken up that someone is interested in him or her. But that l word can also mean...'friendship'. Unless I happen to be one of those idiots as well who cant tell if the person is crushing on me and I just brushed it off as just a friendship thingey.
I went out with my friend two days ago and kinda told her about the barbeque party we went to. As usual..she was a tad bit irritating and was making noise as to why I didnt ask her along. But then again, she made noise over everything...heh. Anyway, she asked me about A and I was like..yah..he was there. But he brought a date along and she was surprised. She told me that wah..it would be a lost opportunity for me since she thought that he is a nice guy coz I did talk to her about him many times for the past few years. She had the impression that A seems to be a good choice for me since we are like almost the same built (height not included even though it helps that I like shorter guys) and that he has always been nice to me especially during my down times.
Then while others may think that me now is better than me then but you know what he thought all this time even after seeing me after so long that Saturday? He still hold on to this impression that I was trying to be like others...you know..being thin..coz I felt out of place from the rest and that the only way to be accepted by them was to look like them. Wah, thats a scary thought. How do I know this? Coz he told me the next night via our online chat. He didnt say out right like that..but can he just stop thinking that Im trying to fit in?!!
My friend was like telling me that hey, maybe he does like you and even more so now since he mentioned the 'l' word. I remembered thinking whenever he said that he liked me as a friend that hey, does this mean he had a crush on me?? Haha..but now..seriously speaking, it's like as if that word fell on deaf ears and I even upset him a bit when I said 'i Don need your love' coz I was a bit miffed with him after what he said about me. He was like 'oh come on..dont be like this'.. Somehow I recomposed and said that well....im a bit 'bz' so I'll get back to him on that one and it made him laugh and said something like well at least Im still the same girl that he knew.
You know...if he's some guy Im totally crushing on and to say he loves me for who I am no matter how I am physically...whether I think that im fat or thin...I'll be over the freaking moon! But as sweet as it was for him to say that, it felt dead. My gal pal really thought that I should ask him out as a friend and maybe he will be really flattered that it's not 'one sided'. Yeah, right.
Gawd I hate that dream and err..my gal pal too who suddenly puts meaning into something that i never gave second thoughts about. I dont know why she made it seem like I am giving up a good opportunity. There IS no opportunity! Can I just move on from here? I dont want to be stuck in the past where I had that crush on A especially when we were out on our gatherings and it was always me trying to find an opportunity to take a photo with him and then trying to sit with him. But that time it felt like A was doing what I used to do to him...u know..finding opportunities with him during photo taking. Even during the group photo thingey, I didnt want to stand beside him but instead he tried to inch so near me till I thought I could not breathe. I kinda gave him a brush off by saying that I wanted to stand beside Min because I felt awkward that there he was with me and his date was somewhere at the other end.
I guess I was also rather sick and tired of them associating me with him after so long and he could just be lapping up on it as that night I didnt heap any attention on him. Then, maybe he thought that it was rather unusual of me?
I suppose the months of not seeing my ex classmates for so long and then seeing them now...made me view them differently. Maybe even Mariah is thinking that D is still somehow stuck in my mind right now even though it is clear that D is beyond my limit given his marital status. Now D..he's different. I just thought that it is kinda great having a good looking guy pal..heh...who sucks at being like an elder brother to me judging from his history of giving me bad advice.
Whatever it is, a dream is just a dream and it means nothing. However, sometimes a dream may arise from our incomplete thoughts. A dream can also explore the inner part of us that we try to hide such as maybe in this case, I did think about what my friend said that maybe he is crushing on me and instead, i brushed it aside citing it as just a declaration of our long term friendship. But then who knows...I may have thought of it as more than that? So in comes my dream to showcase to me what I could have truly felt. However, it was also overshadowed within my own dream itself no less by my actual thought that he will still remain as a friend to me.
Missed opportunity? Well, who knows...
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