Not Ready
You know what I forsee? I forsee tat I'll be dateless for the next..I dunno...donkey years? And it's not the case I thought that I am not attractive enough or I dont deserve a date but like I said, my life is rather complicated right now where Im still trying to find a foothold as everything is pretty much not in order. As much as I appreciate people's 'concern' that I should go out and meet people...especially...guys....I just thought that it is best they stay out of my affair. If they meant it as a joke to hook me up with so-and-so, okay fine....I can joke along too but if it turns out to be a little bit more serious than that, then Im sorry I can only take the 'joke' so far. I know I have said that my current family's situation dont allow me to socialise but it isn't fair to blame them either coz it is not as if they asked for it.
In regards to my mum, I apologised for saying rather nasty things to her previously. I know that she is still my mum no matter what and that is why so far, I haven't acted so freaking rebellious towards her as a way of showing that Im not happy she's rather controlling over my life. But I dont make it on public announcement system that I still ask permission from my mum to go out with so and so even though she basically know who they are and that these are girls. Actually, my mum has also been joking that she doesnt mind if I go out with a guy coz maybe she herself thought that I am taking this 'I dont want to think about marriage for now' mantra too seriously and it would have meant nothing in the past. But to carry it forward until now...I guess she is starting to get worried a bit. No this time Im not blaming her for making me think this way. It is a decision I have made yonks ago which is way before my family situation is thrown into this turmoil.
So far, to be honest with you......no guy has ever asked me out or asked to get to know me which to me is good in a sorta twisted way. . I mean please..which girl wont go gaga if some cute or handsome looking dude wants to get to know her and go on a date with her. Except for one strange dude which I remembered last year but I think that one is the case of asking any living breathing young malay woman passing his way. It's just to me..now may not be the right time. Im still in the midst of trying to improve my life whether about getting a new job, changing my looks, revamping my personality..whatever...as long as it is something that makes me feel that i have done something empowerful.
I also want to resume my studies and gave myself a target of saving up enough for it in the next five to six years. I'll be behind schedule but it's okay coz learning is an endless journey. For now, I feel so 'stuck' that I dont know if I am going forward or forever i'll be frozen in time. So yah....seriously, with such complications where I dont think I'll be interested to let people know of the details, I do wish people will stop trying to hook me up.
The only thing I dont mind is getting to know people...whether guys or girls..through mutual friends and it's only based on the understanding that if it were guys, it will not go beyond a casual friendship. At this age, it is hard to say if the guy will be agreeable to wanna be 'just friend' so in order not to break any hearts, I hope people will stay out of my stagnant love life la as much as I want it to have some life. It's just not a good time...so Im saying sorry to my partner who is so concerned that I am not out dating or socialising and is begging dennis to find a potential 'date' for me whether he is one of cleo's most eligible bachelors or his friends. Im sure the bugger has good looking friends (he said one of them is opening a tattoo parlour..very the interesting) like come on...one of his ex school mates is this year's eligible bachelor.
Still, I thank U dear bugger and your 'volunteer work' to become my chaperone but seriously, I dont mind getting to know your friends collectively (as if one is not enough already!) since who wants to give up the opportunity to mingle with good looking CHINESE guys..heh...especially yours truly. But to hook me for a potential date whether seriously or just playing around with my partner's request to finds someone, I still think that well....it's not gonna happen.
I hope I dont have to talk about this anymore coz Im pretty sick and tired of it already. Because I am on good terms with you all...I wont tell you to stay out of my affair but I will just appreciate it if you give me time to think about whether Im ready for dating or not. Still, I do thank U for your concern.
In regards to my mum, I apologised for saying rather nasty things to her previously. I know that she is still my mum no matter what and that is why so far, I haven't acted so freaking rebellious towards her as a way of showing that Im not happy she's rather controlling over my life. But I dont make it on public announcement system that I still ask permission from my mum to go out with so and so even though she basically know who they are and that these are girls. Actually, my mum has also been joking that she doesnt mind if I go out with a guy coz maybe she herself thought that I am taking this 'I dont want to think about marriage for now' mantra too seriously and it would have meant nothing in the past. But to carry it forward until now...I guess she is starting to get worried a bit. No this time Im not blaming her for making me think this way. It is a decision I have made yonks ago which is way before my family situation is thrown into this turmoil.
So far, to be honest with you......no guy has ever asked me out or asked to get to know me which to me is good in a sorta twisted way. . I mean please..which girl wont go gaga if some cute or handsome looking dude wants to get to know her and go on a date with her. Except for one strange dude which I remembered last year but I think that one is the case of asking any living breathing young malay woman passing his way. It's just to me..now may not be the right time. Im still in the midst of trying to improve my life whether about getting a new job, changing my looks, revamping my personality..whatever...as long as it is something that makes me feel that i have done something empowerful.
I also want to resume my studies and gave myself a target of saving up enough for it in the next five to six years. I'll be behind schedule but it's okay coz learning is an endless journey. For now, I feel so 'stuck' that I dont know if I am going forward or forever i'll be frozen in time. So yah....seriously, with such complications where I dont think I'll be interested to let people know of the details, I do wish people will stop trying to hook me up.
The only thing I dont mind is getting to know people...whether guys or girls..through mutual friends and it's only based on the understanding that if it were guys, it will not go beyond a casual friendship. At this age, it is hard to say if the guy will be agreeable to wanna be 'just friend' so in order not to break any hearts, I hope people will stay out of my stagnant love life la as much as I want it to have some life. It's just not a good time...so Im saying sorry to my partner who is so concerned that I am not out dating or socialising and is begging dennis to find a potential 'date' for me whether he is one of cleo's most eligible bachelors or his friends. Im sure the bugger has good looking friends (he said one of them is opening a tattoo parlour..very the interesting) like come on...one of his ex school mates is this year's eligible bachelor.
Still, I thank U dear bugger and your 'volunteer work' to become my chaperone but seriously, I dont mind getting to know your friends collectively (as if one is not enough already!) since who wants to give up the opportunity to mingle with good looking CHINESE guys..heh...especially yours truly. But to hook me for a potential date whether seriously or just playing around with my partner's request to finds someone, I still think that well....it's not gonna happen.
I hope I dont have to talk about this anymore coz Im pretty sick and tired of it already. Because I am on good terms with you all...I wont tell you to stay out of my affair but I will just appreciate it if you give me time to think about whether Im ready for dating or not. Still, I do thank U for your concern.
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