Eat my Dust
you know what i realise about myself..okay i realised it long ago but it never kinda occur to me all the time...that Im a pretty rebellious person but in my own way. Some people make their rebellious streak obvious to show tat they cannot be trifled with. This realisation came when I found a picture of myself with three other gals and we called ourselves the Eastern babes in the picture taken in March 06 last year because we are like the young 'uns in the group. I stood out coz I was obviously bigger than them and that I had short hair.
But instead of bringing happiness that I found such a rare photo of myself with them taken last year, it reminded me of how I used to be treated by the guys at the work place. Apart from them, the worst treatment I received was my ex drivers.
They were never nice to me but I did get the impression then that okay fine..Im not as pretty or slim as these girls...so like what..u want to hold it against me? I was already being nice to them as i know their job is not easy.
They just enjoyed talking to my prettier colleagues whether they were my partner or covering officers but treated me like dirt like I did most work while they laughed and joked with them. But it's okay....it's not something new to me anyway. Like even our male colleagues at my workplace.
With me...it's like im an invisible force or something. I will be sitting down there with my other 'prettier' colleagues and while they were being asked how are they..hows work...blah blah..as a friendly colleague to colleague conversation, they didnt even look at me as if I belong to a different department or in a totally different world. But I didnt hold it against them...I did think that maybe i looked quiet or what..I dunno..it didnt bother me at all, really.
It only pissed me off that end of last year and the beginning of this year that wah...suddenly I exist? I was taken aback too when out of nowhere, when I passed by them or took the same lift as them, they said 'hi' and smiled at me. I was like..'whaatt.....' but coz I didnt want to act unfriendly, I said hi back. It wasnt like the first time I passed by them or happened to take the same lift as well. It happens all the time now. So now..it is no longer an embarassment to talk to me or caught dead saying hi to me and why is that?
Now I still dont regard myself as of the same level as them and I dont expect to be treated like Im somebody already. Now I had to get used to saying 'hi' to them even though I tried to escape at times by pretending not to see them and act busy with the work I was doing to not notice anyone. They even added me on friendster now which took me some time on whether I should add them or not. Come on lah..dont even talk about these guys of whom by the way are either married or single but seriously, not worth it lah so you wont hear me gushing about them like 'oh im so happy they said hi to me!!' thing.
If it's not for my love of guys I would have thought of guys as nothing but shallow who treated girls like me as dirt or of no importance compared to our other attractive female counterparts. But dont worry..from this sudden attention, I have not lost my head. The only thing that Im showing my quiet sense of rebellion is my refusal to not have a boyfriend or go on a date for some period of time if one day, a guy is to ask me out. Im not trying to play hard to get but Im still stuck in a situation where I dont know if that guy is sincere or not.
This year can say Im pretty lucky that this driver..well..u know who....is friendly across the border because he tries to be all professional about it. He even does mundane ones like ah....sending his 'fan club' member to some eating places or giving them lifts if he happened to be around their area..heh heh...Now this bugger refused to say it (sometimes im suprised that within his egocentric self..he doesnt like to badmouth others) like he's denying some stuffs especially about M F who is just as bossy to him and us.
At one time we gave him a card and wrote the stuffs but it was not my original idea which I said to him then that no.....I know what you're thinking, it was not me when he kept on looking at me to 'fess up. It was that M F's idea (no..not motherf**ker..but then again..) and why would he think it was me..it was not even his birthday. His face expression changed like haha....from all smiley to all...'eurgh...' that SOMEBODy has a crush!! Few times I know he was like dying to say something bad against her but he still uphold his professionalism by just not saying something or denied she said something bad like a sulking girlfriend. Now why he cant keep as quiet as this about his looks as well..
Wah..hard to break him. But still I appreciate his friendship and not treating anyone of us any differently but as colleagues. Gonna miss that bugger when away on attachment for one month. Thanks for not treating me like dirt even though he's way more good looking (dont believe im feeding his ego now..) compared to the rest of the guys I know at my workplace who think they're so gawd damn hot that it takes a special breed of girls to get them noticed about their existence. I dont want to say it as a race thing like a malay guys versus chinese guys thing seriously or end up getting bashed for it.
I just see it as something 'generic' even though Im just trying to appease the majority of blog readers here..heh..Anyway, yup...guys are guys. Cant live with them. Cant live without them. Those guys who treated me like dirt before..well..eat my dust.
But instead of bringing happiness that I found such a rare photo of myself with them taken last year, it reminded me of how I used to be treated by the guys at the work place. Apart from them, the worst treatment I received was my ex drivers.
They were never nice to me but I did get the impression then that okay fine..Im not as pretty or slim as these girls...so like what..u want to hold it against me? I was already being nice to them as i know their job is not easy.
They just enjoyed talking to my prettier colleagues whether they were my partner or covering officers but treated me like dirt like I did most work while they laughed and joked with them. But it's okay....it's not something new to me anyway. Like even our male colleagues at my workplace.
With me...it's like im an invisible force or something. I will be sitting down there with my other 'prettier' colleagues and while they were being asked how are they..hows work...blah blah..as a friendly colleague to colleague conversation, they didnt even look at me as if I belong to a different department or in a totally different world. But I didnt hold it against them...I did think that maybe i looked quiet or what..I dunno..it didnt bother me at all, really.
It only pissed me off that end of last year and the beginning of this year that wah...suddenly I exist? I was taken aback too when out of nowhere, when I passed by them or took the same lift as them, they said 'hi' and smiled at me. I was like..'whaatt.....' but coz I didnt want to act unfriendly, I said hi back. It wasnt like the first time I passed by them or happened to take the same lift as well. It happens all the time now. So now..it is no longer an embarassment to talk to me or caught dead saying hi to me and why is that?
Now I still dont regard myself as of the same level as them and I dont expect to be treated like Im somebody already. Now I had to get used to saying 'hi' to them even though I tried to escape at times by pretending not to see them and act busy with the work I was doing to not notice anyone. They even added me on friendster now which took me some time on whether I should add them or not. Come on lah..dont even talk about these guys of whom by the way are either married or single but seriously, not worth it lah so you wont hear me gushing about them like 'oh im so happy they said hi to me!!' thing.
If it's not for my love of guys I would have thought of guys as nothing but shallow who treated girls like me as dirt or of no importance compared to our other attractive female counterparts. But dont worry..from this sudden attention, I have not lost my head. The only thing that Im showing my quiet sense of rebellion is my refusal to not have a boyfriend or go on a date for some period of time if one day, a guy is to ask me out. Im not trying to play hard to get but Im still stuck in a situation where I dont know if that guy is sincere or not.
This year can say Im pretty lucky that this driver..well..u know who....is friendly across the border because he tries to be all professional about it. He even does mundane ones like ah....sending his 'fan club' member to some eating places or giving them lifts if he happened to be around their area..heh heh...Now this bugger refused to say it (sometimes im suprised that within his egocentric self..he doesnt like to badmouth others) like he's denying some stuffs especially about M F who is just as bossy to him and us.
At one time we gave him a card and wrote the stuffs but it was not my original idea which I said to him then that no.....I know what you're thinking, it was not me when he kept on looking at me to 'fess up. It was that M F's idea (no..not motherf**ker..but then again..) and why would he think it was me..it was not even his birthday. His face expression changed like haha....from all smiley to all...'eurgh...' that SOMEBODy has a crush!! Few times I know he was like dying to say something bad against her but he still uphold his professionalism by just not saying something or denied she said something bad like a sulking girlfriend. Now why he cant keep as quiet as this about his looks as well..
Wah..hard to break him. But still I appreciate his friendship and not treating anyone of us any differently but as colleagues. Gonna miss that bugger when away on attachment for one month. Thanks for not treating me like dirt even though he's way more good looking (dont believe im feeding his ego now..) compared to the rest of the guys I know at my workplace who think they're so gawd damn hot that it takes a special breed of girls to get them noticed about their existence. I dont want to say it as a race thing like a malay guys versus chinese guys thing seriously or end up getting bashed for it.
I just see it as something 'generic' even though Im just trying to appease the majority of blog readers here..heh..Anyway, yup...guys are guys. Cant live with them. Cant live without them. Those guys who treated me like dirt before..well..eat my dust.
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