Imaginary Guy Fren
Hello..there!
what's up world?! Anyway, when I was back in the office, and saw the heaploads of things in my blog..was thinking...gawd...I wrote so much! And unbelievably, one post..uhm...I guess it's deserving to be lauded as an official storyline. Anyway, I guess now that I have started working..uhm..for at least this week and the upcoming monday..before I am so much in my holiday mood..haha..I guess, my writings will be drastically reduced. You know what...it is so cool that me, being a mostly introvert person, chanced upon this blog or my previous journal to embark on a journey of being long-winded..haha...And also...because this current blog is not being circulated among my friends, I have this little less guilty feelings as i know I won't have the tendency to hurt someone I know who is close to me. But of coz lah I am not going go into a full battle mode lambasting every single person who didn't quite make my day. That!...is not me...
GOsh, where do I even begin, sey...Okay, first and foremost, sometimes I think I spoke too soon. Way too soon regarding how nowadays, there is no one of current interest that will sorta occupy my mind..hehe..and become like my unconscious being. No..not aliens...but someone..uhm...........a guy....of whom I kinda imagine I talk to like I know him so well...u know..as a girlfriend of sort..haha..where.....................argh! this is so hard. Okaylah, if u have a boyfriend or what...u tend to tell him how's ur day like...ur happiness or sadness....that sort of thinglah! but onlie difference between u and me..is that yupz, mine is onlie a figment of my imagination, except that I do it unconsciously while urs is for real, and no....Orlando Bloom doesn't count as ur boyfriend.
So....I kinda dugged up into my past accidentally, when i was raking my brain for awhile...like in the movie I watched about this Chinese guy. So, I guess I recalled the most recent encounter I had with a Chinese guy who was quite friendly. K, so the fact that he's cute too helps in my process of 'recalling'..haha....and to think this guy sorta come across as unfriendly to me initially...which made me uncomfortable which accounted for my rather sour face when I tot it was so unfortunate for me to end up with him at the counter. But he turned out to be the opposite of what I expected lah, but I was still forever in my 'I don't wish to talk to you much...so jz get over it quickly' mode..like whenever I buy things or at the doctor or what...hahahaha....bloody unfriendly bitch.
Anyway, so far...he was the last encounter...sob sob......even though it was quite a long time ago already. haiz..the perils of staying at home too much at times...and having zilch social life. And, he kinda become my 'target' for my 'what if' he was my 'boyfriend'. Therefore, I'd go into this mode where I am like...imagining myself calling him..or vice versa..and I am telling him my ups and downs in a day..like my focal point of complaints. Also, like where I'd like to go for a date...what movie to watch..where to have dinner...where to hang out. Sometimes, I'd imagine I'd be talking to 'him' when I happened to have something that occured to me in my mind or based on what I see...K, for example, 'yeah...today, had quite a bad beginning at work. I had to do this talk infront of the kids alone..while my other two colleagues just sat down with the kids and watching me. I felt helpless initially and so nervous...but I guess the show must go on...or I can't go off quickly. But it's a bit sad lah too as I had no help..' Or I'd imagine him talking to me instead..like saying how his day at work was...like....how some customers are like...eurgh... But then I'll be so 'extra' too...
K, for example, I'd always imagine him asking how come I never had any boyfriend before...(and yes, he HAS to say back that he's fortunate that he is the first one...or he won't live to be in another subconscious dream of mine..bwhahaahaa!!)...Then, funny thing is, when it comes to this part, I sorta dug up into my own mind, and tot about it on my own. I'd be like..gee, maybe coz I am not girlfriend or relationship material. Or I'd believe that I am not...then, there's like a few reasons why I'd consider it as inappropriate for me to start a relationship. Firstly, in a relationship u're expected to be able to make it for most dates...at whateva time and date...as long as our working schedules don't clash. But, I guess that'd be quite hard for me still as my mum still has puppet strings attached to me. And also secondly, my kind of look don't suit cute guys in general..or the kind of look I like in guys...haha...it'd be so weird for me to stand out jz coz i look bigger than my bf...and it's not doing justice to my bf if he's so darn cute...I'm like...pffftttttt...whateva. Or I am so boring...compared to other girls...who have so many things going on in their lives and what have i..
So, it's a very negative point of view which I can conclude right now, is the precise reason why I don't wish to have such imaginary bf. Like I said, I spoke too soon and for a long while, it's amazing how no guy has caught my eyes yet..except for David Caruso...but he's like what..in Miami?! Or everytime I happened to like what I see..and then wham! he smokes...and not that I am against him smoking or what...but like bad breath and yellow stained teeth..it's erm..............NEXT! The fact that he claims he doesn't smoke kinda upped the meter a bit lah...although, like what David taught me...let the evidence do the talking rather than the mouth.
But on the other hand, I tot it's so fun too. Coz u know...when U have that one love of urs..u'll fall into this 'look good feel good' mode. Okay..so not necessarily feel good but more like trying to look better because hey, u got a bf so u have to look good as a couple with him lah. Make him proud that he has a girlfriend who is U. Chey, I talk as if I have experience. Then, like I said, it's all a subconscious thing lah. I am sure us gals like guys who would bother to wear something nice when out with you...gel up his hair....clean his shoes a bit..and u will see what nice clothes to wear for ur dates. And u'll be like pondering over ur clothes and the make up and the shoes...the bag.....see what will make u attractive for him on the date. And we have that additional things to do like pampering ourselves..and we will also like try to improve ourselves such as maybe..take up a new hobby? As strange as this sounds, I am trying to pick up cantonese. Go figure!
I can onlie say that since as of then, I don't go back to that place again..(oh the horrors of going home from there!....stupid traffic, stupid people...stupid bus route..stupid non existent taxis)..coz I have settled the paperwork. But he turned out to be such a nice chap, that it wasn't such a bad experience as i had expected. However, it was not in the best of situations..so sad for that..WAH!!!!.....*sniffles* Why can't good things happen to me sometimes? Well if I have..at LEAST one guy friend who is willing to talk minimum one hour with me on the fon on alternated days...I'd be the happiest girl in the world!..wooh!....However, he mz still sound nice on the fon....so, I can lose my trail of thoughts over and over again whenever he talks...and he mz be able to let me speak...and not 'take over' most times..has the willingness to listen and not just butt in or criticize me constantly making me sound stupid or what..haha, no wonder I don't have that much of 'luck'...so many criterias! But u know I am just joking rite...RiTe?!!
Anyway, what big difference I like about this new 'way-of -thinking-about-crush-thing'...is that I don't mentally imagine myself talking to him physically. Rather, I interact with my inner self instead...but he's just like someone in the background who listens to what I am saying. Then hey..the manicure and pedicure plus 'clean face' look and a fashion makeover...is like such a good bonus coz it makes me think that I AM truly going out with someone so I tend to take care of myself better. Wah, can't imagine if I DO go out with some guy on a date..and with subsequent meetings also, but not necessarily as my boyfriend. It'd be so cool...I get to be better looking than I am rite now, coz for once, I bothered..hahahaa...
I guess the whole thing about him being like someone in the background rather than in the foreground in my head is perhaps maybe he didn't quite make a big impact on me even though I tot he's cute. He was almost at the point of being forgotten till something revived him back. A movie to be exact. But hey, it hasn't come to a point of irritance yet...still, i like my buffed nails in my bid to look good. Thanks J!
what's up world?! Anyway, when I was back in the office, and saw the heaploads of things in my blog..was thinking...gawd...I wrote so much! And unbelievably, one post..uhm...I guess it's deserving to be lauded as an official storyline. Anyway, I guess now that I have started working..uhm..for at least this week and the upcoming monday..before I am so much in my holiday mood..haha..I guess, my writings will be drastically reduced. You know what...it is so cool that me, being a mostly introvert person, chanced upon this blog or my previous journal to embark on a journey of being long-winded..haha...And also...because this current blog is not being circulated among my friends, I have this little less guilty feelings as i know I won't have the tendency to hurt someone I know who is close to me. But of coz lah I am not going go into a full battle mode lambasting every single person who didn't quite make my day. That!...is not me...
GOsh, where do I even begin, sey...Okay, first and foremost, sometimes I think I spoke too soon. Way too soon regarding how nowadays, there is no one of current interest that will sorta occupy my mind..hehe..and become like my unconscious being. No..not aliens...but someone..uhm...........a guy....of whom I kinda imagine I talk to like I know him so well...u know..as a girlfriend of sort..haha..where.....................argh! this is so hard. Okaylah, if u have a boyfriend or what...u tend to tell him how's ur day like...ur happiness or sadness....that sort of thinglah! but onlie difference between u and me..is that yupz, mine is onlie a figment of my imagination, except that I do it unconsciously while urs is for real, and no....Orlando Bloom doesn't count as ur boyfriend.
So....I kinda dugged up into my past accidentally, when i was raking my brain for awhile...like in the movie I watched about this Chinese guy. So, I guess I recalled the most recent encounter I had with a Chinese guy who was quite friendly. K, so the fact that he's cute too helps in my process of 'recalling'..haha....and to think this guy sorta come across as unfriendly to me initially...which made me uncomfortable which accounted for my rather sour face when I tot it was so unfortunate for me to end up with him at the counter. But he turned out to be the opposite of what I expected lah, but I was still forever in my 'I don't wish to talk to you much...so jz get over it quickly' mode..like whenever I buy things or at the doctor or what...hahahaha....bloody unfriendly bitch.
Anyway, so far...he was the last encounter...sob sob......even though it was quite a long time ago already. haiz..the perils of staying at home too much at times...and having zilch social life. And, he kinda become my 'target' for my 'what if' he was my 'boyfriend'. Therefore, I'd go into this mode where I am like...imagining myself calling him..or vice versa..and I am telling him my ups and downs in a day..like my focal point of complaints. Also, like where I'd like to go for a date...what movie to watch..where to have dinner...where to hang out. Sometimes, I'd imagine I'd be talking to 'him' when I happened to have something that occured to me in my mind or based on what I see...K, for example, 'yeah...today, had quite a bad beginning at work. I had to do this talk infront of the kids alone..while my other two colleagues just sat down with the kids and watching me. I felt helpless initially and so nervous...but I guess the show must go on...or I can't go off quickly. But it's a bit sad lah too as I had no help..' Or I'd imagine him talking to me instead..like saying how his day at work was...like....how some customers are like...eurgh... But then I'll be so 'extra' too...
K, for example, I'd always imagine him asking how come I never had any boyfriend before...(and yes, he HAS to say back that he's fortunate that he is the first one...or he won't live to be in another subconscious dream of mine..bwhahaahaa!!)...Then, funny thing is, when it comes to this part, I sorta dug up into my own mind, and tot about it on my own. I'd be like..gee, maybe coz I am not girlfriend or relationship material. Or I'd believe that I am not...then, there's like a few reasons why I'd consider it as inappropriate for me to start a relationship. Firstly, in a relationship u're expected to be able to make it for most dates...at whateva time and date...as long as our working schedules don't clash. But, I guess that'd be quite hard for me still as my mum still has puppet strings attached to me. And also secondly, my kind of look don't suit cute guys in general..or the kind of look I like in guys...haha...it'd be so weird for me to stand out jz coz i look bigger than my bf...and it's not doing justice to my bf if he's so darn cute...I'm like...pffftttttt...whateva. Or I am so boring...compared to other girls...who have so many things going on in their lives and what have i..
So, it's a very negative point of view which I can conclude right now, is the precise reason why I don't wish to have such imaginary bf. Like I said, I spoke too soon and for a long while, it's amazing how no guy has caught my eyes yet..except for David Caruso...but he's like what..in Miami?! Or everytime I happened to like what I see..and then wham! he smokes...and not that I am against him smoking or what...but like bad breath and yellow stained teeth..it's erm..............NEXT! The fact that he claims he doesn't smoke kinda upped the meter a bit lah...although, like what David taught me...let the evidence do the talking rather than the mouth.
But on the other hand, I tot it's so fun too. Coz u know...when U have that one love of urs..u'll fall into this 'look good feel good' mode. Okay..so not necessarily feel good but more like trying to look better because hey, u got a bf so u have to look good as a couple with him lah. Make him proud that he has a girlfriend who is U. Chey, I talk as if I have experience. Then, like I said, it's all a subconscious thing lah. I am sure us gals like guys who would bother to wear something nice when out with you...gel up his hair....clean his shoes a bit..and u will see what nice clothes to wear for ur dates. And u'll be like pondering over ur clothes and the make up and the shoes...the bag.....see what will make u attractive for him on the date. And we have that additional things to do like pampering ourselves..and we will also like try to improve ourselves such as maybe..take up a new hobby? As strange as this sounds, I am trying to pick up cantonese. Go figure!
I can onlie say that since as of then, I don't go back to that place again..(oh the horrors of going home from there!....stupid traffic, stupid people...stupid bus route..stupid non existent taxis)..coz I have settled the paperwork. But he turned out to be such a nice chap, that it wasn't such a bad experience as i had expected. However, it was not in the best of situations..so sad for that..WAH!!!!.....*sniffles* Why can't good things happen to me sometimes? Well if I have..at LEAST one guy friend who is willing to talk minimum one hour with me on the fon on alternated days...I'd be the happiest girl in the world!..wooh!....However, he mz still sound nice on the fon....so, I can lose my trail of thoughts over and over again whenever he talks...and he mz be able to let me speak...and not 'take over' most times..has the willingness to listen and not just butt in or criticize me constantly making me sound stupid or what..haha, no wonder I don't have that much of 'luck'...so many criterias! But u know I am just joking rite...RiTe?!!
Anyway, what big difference I like about this new 'way-of -thinking-about-crush-thing'...is that I don't mentally imagine myself talking to him physically. Rather, I interact with my inner self instead...but he's just like someone in the background who listens to what I am saying. Then hey..the manicure and pedicure plus 'clean face' look and a fashion makeover...is like such a good bonus coz it makes me think that I AM truly going out with someone so I tend to take care of myself better. Wah, can't imagine if I DO go out with some guy on a date..and with subsequent meetings also, but not necessarily as my boyfriend. It'd be so cool...I get to be better looking than I am rite now, coz for once, I bothered..hahahaa...
I guess the whole thing about him being like someone in the background rather than in the foreground in my head is perhaps maybe he didn't quite make a big impact on me even though I tot he's cute. He was almost at the point of being forgotten till something revived him back. A movie to be exact. But hey, it hasn't come to a point of irritance yet...still, i like my buffed nails in my bid to look good. Thanks J!
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