My Sufferings
I like posting a new entry on the first of every month. I like posting on a Monday but sometimes, Im too pooped out I treat Tuesday as the new Monday..hehe. Well, my suffering has almost come to an end. Wait. What end? At least not for now. The only suffering that Im talking about is teaching my brother Maths for the past..yawns...few weeks...and I don't know if it is an act of his consciousness or his brain matter has suddenly doubled that he has the decency to actually do self studying! Gasp..Im shocked! When I had the opportunity to go to an open house of a good friend recently, I was worried sick as to whether my brother would have his own initiative to study because I know..the whole family know..he is a TV freak. Maybe..just maybe..it is also God's way of relieving my burden because I can be very tired trying to cope with my life in terms of work, attending to my family's affair after work, friends' affair and also doing some 'me' management. Right now, Im wrecking my brain every single day as to how to go about spending the little balance of my money .
The last two months have been especially bad because of the fasting month and also in view of the Hari Raya preparations, we practically have to spend on so many things that I can safely say that it may have reached nearly 1k. But then again, who is counting. My family still haven't learn the concept of eating home cooked food. Especially my mum. At times, I think that she shouldn't be so uptight over things like people telling her about her cooking as it is. I mean, of course her taste can never be the same as others but then food is still food. Why bother about what others think about her cooking like how to go about improving it so that it tastes nicer? I know she advocates healthy eating which may not be up to my dad's standard but that's the problem you see. I told her old people are like that...especially if they have an acquired taste already that when there is less salt in the food, it somehow tastes different. Of course lah...you want to be healthy or you want to get sick? Outside food is of course different because they are making an income. They cant afford to cut down on salt and even if they claim that they use less salt or less monosodium glutamate, how can you even be sure about it? You don't go into the kitchen and check on their cooking, do you?
Yup, talking about my mum..she would at times show the bad side of her when she gets all stubborn headed if people don't praise her cooking or telling how to cook..like you know, that typical if you add this or that, it will taste nicer. She's hyper sensitive lah..she's always boasting how her cooking is different from others coz she would actually make the base ingredients better than others. She said that she would stir fry the base ingredients...by that I meant the blended ingredients...until it is very powdery looking coz that means they are really cooked instead of throwing in the rest of the main ingredients while the blended stuffs are still wet like it just came out of the blender.
Okay, true...people are pressed for time and even though maybe her style of cooking ensures that people dont get stomachaches easily, they are not as stubborn headed as her. At least they care about their family and even if they just throw everything in, at least they have the mentality to think that outside food is not good to eat frequently. Come to think of it, no matter how healthy her cooking can be..no matter how cooked her dishes can be..the thing is, she doesn't always cook. Then, of course we have to succumb to eating outside food but luckily, we're not so hungry for food that if mum's not cooking, out we go to find food ourselves. None of us...me, my brother and my father...demand her to cook especially my father who doesn't treat her any differently because you know what they say, to keep the marriage alive, the wife must cook to feed the hungry husband's stomach. Or he'll find someone else to do the cooking for him. My brother doesn't eat the usual malay dishes because he doesn't like chilli and he hates food that has a strong smell. But then, don't they all smell? You get the point. Me? Im an equally fussy eater too but as much as I love my mum's cooking more than the food they serve outside, I don't demand her to cook either. This kind of attitude we have towards my mum's refusal to cook makes her even more complacent.
Im not blaming her for my temporary loss of income even though the whole post may sound like it. I just don't know when is she going to learn that our savings cannot last forever. I thought that I have tried hard enough to make our savings last but it seems to me that I have failed. However, I dont term it as complete failure because despite our rather heavy expenditures in the last two months, coupled with my father's follow up treatments, his medicine, the hospitalisation fees and my loan, I haven't gone completely bankrupt. I even term it as a temporary loss of income because quite a sum of money will be tallied back to me once my pay comes in, my claim and my father's claim come in as well and also my mum's repayment to me two weeks later. But for now, I have to make do with what I have right now.
Somehow, it subdued me a bit. Okay, a lot. I used to take frequent unnecessary public transport trips to go somewhere that is not too far off but because of my laziness, to travel all the way in the bus, I actually doubled my transport fares. For example, I can actually take only one single trip but no..because I am too lazy to walk for 5 min after getting down or cross over the bridge to board the bus, I actually bothered to stop halfway and take the train. And it is only one gawd damn station away! When I get back home, it will be the same thing again. Another one is when I..again..can actually take only one single bus back home right up the the bus stop very near my flat but no...I stopped halfway again to board the bus after taking the train. And this is because I am too lazy to go to the bus interchange that they have conveniently built it side by side with the mall. It is even air conditioned some more! Then, since it is the bus bay, we will be the first few lot to board it and so there is not an even issue of the bus being overcrowded. Don't you even feel like slapping me right now?
And please..don't get me started on food that even though I thought I was saving money by buying small snacks, wouldnt it be wiser to just buy one single meal? Everything will eventually add up and then you wonder where your money goes to..geez..So like what I've said, I am so much subdued right now that even something that costs so little that I would think twice or thrice if it is worth my money. Then, whatever balance I have..even a mere two dollars..instead of buying some unnecessary snack, I would see if I can roll over the money till tomorrow. It is very hard for me but I have no other choice. It teaches me to be wiser decision maker and somehow, health wise, I think I may have benefitted. Because Im trying to cut down on unnecessary travelling, if I can walk, I will walk. Not only do I save money, when I walk I can trim down a bit and I don't know if I need to change my spectacles or what but after more than a month of walking, I notice that my legs are shapelier. Really! Usually I would be so so so freakinly conscious of my thighs that I tried to train my thoughts on the journey ahead rather than being so caught up on how my thighs look like. So I may have put on 1kg but heck, if I have lost some inches here and there..good enough. For now that is.
Anyway, since last week, I have scheduled myself to go to gyms. This week, I have two more sessions to go and both of them will be with my gym buddies. Yesterday I was solo but I still managed to squeeze in more than an hour of workout which was good for me. Actually, halfway through I strained my shoulder a bit trying to pick up my towel while still on the machine. It was quite bad that I felt faint but I slowed down and then about two minutes later, I was quite okay and managed to finish the rest of the twenty minutes...phewh!
So yup..maybe my sufferings may be for the best of me but whatever it is, I am trying my best to cope with the various situations. Haiz..the only plus point I can think of is that I am not alone. Eurgh...suffer suffer...
The last two months have been especially bad because of the fasting month and also in view of the Hari Raya preparations, we practically have to spend on so many things that I can safely say that it may have reached nearly 1k. But then again, who is counting. My family still haven't learn the concept of eating home cooked food. Especially my mum. At times, I think that she shouldn't be so uptight over things like people telling her about her cooking as it is. I mean, of course her taste can never be the same as others but then food is still food. Why bother about what others think about her cooking like how to go about improving it so that it tastes nicer? I know she advocates healthy eating which may not be up to my dad's standard but that's the problem you see. I told her old people are like that...especially if they have an acquired taste already that when there is less salt in the food, it somehow tastes different. Of course lah...you want to be healthy or you want to get sick? Outside food is of course different because they are making an income. They cant afford to cut down on salt and even if they claim that they use less salt or less monosodium glutamate, how can you even be sure about it? You don't go into the kitchen and check on their cooking, do you?
Yup, talking about my mum..she would at times show the bad side of her when she gets all stubborn headed if people don't praise her cooking or telling how to cook..like you know, that typical if you add this or that, it will taste nicer. She's hyper sensitive lah..she's always boasting how her cooking is different from others coz she would actually make the base ingredients better than others. She said that she would stir fry the base ingredients...by that I meant the blended ingredients...until it is very powdery looking coz that means they are really cooked instead of throwing in the rest of the main ingredients while the blended stuffs are still wet like it just came out of the blender.
Okay, true...people are pressed for time and even though maybe her style of cooking ensures that people dont get stomachaches easily, they are not as stubborn headed as her. At least they care about their family and even if they just throw everything in, at least they have the mentality to think that outside food is not good to eat frequently. Come to think of it, no matter how healthy her cooking can be..no matter how cooked her dishes can be..the thing is, she doesn't always cook. Then, of course we have to succumb to eating outside food but luckily, we're not so hungry for food that if mum's not cooking, out we go to find food ourselves. None of us...me, my brother and my father...demand her to cook especially my father who doesn't treat her any differently because you know what they say, to keep the marriage alive, the wife must cook to feed the hungry husband's stomach. Or he'll find someone else to do the cooking for him. My brother doesn't eat the usual malay dishes because he doesn't like chilli and he hates food that has a strong smell. But then, don't they all smell? You get the point. Me? Im an equally fussy eater too but as much as I love my mum's cooking more than the food they serve outside, I don't demand her to cook either. This kind of attitude we have towards my mum's refusal to cook makes her even more complacent.
Im not blaming her for my temporary loss of income even though the whole post may sound like it. I just don't know when is she going to learn that our savings cannot last forever. I thought that I have tried hard enough to make our savings last but it seems to me that I have failed. However, I dont term it as complete failure because despite our rather heavy expenditures in the last two months, coupled with my father's follow up treatments, his medicine, the hospitalisation fees and my loan, I haven't gone completely bankrupt. I even term it as a temporary loss of income because quite a sum of money will be tallied back to me once my pay comes in, my claim and my father's claim come in as well and also my mum's repayment to me two weeks later. But for now, I have to make do with what I have right now.
Somehow, it subdued me a bit. Okay, a lot. I used to take frequent unnecessary public transport trips to go somewhere that is not too far off but because of my laziness, to travel all the way in the bus, I actually doubled my transport fares. For example, I can actually take only one single trip but no..because I am too lazy to walk for 5 min after getting down or cross over the bridge to board the bus, I actually bothered to stop halfway and take the train. And it is only one gawd damn station away! When I get back home, it will be the same thing again. Another one is when I..again..can actually take only one single bus back home right up the the bus stop very near my flat but no...I stopped halfway again to board the bus after taking the train. And this is because I am too lazy to go to the bus interchange that they have conveniently built it side by side with the mall. It is even air conditioned some more! Then, since it is the bus bay, we will be the first few lot to board it and so there is not an even issue of the bus being overcrowded. Don't you even feel like slapping me right now?
And please..don't get me started on food that even though I thought I was saving money by buying small snacks, wouldnt it be wiser to just buy one single meal? Everything will eventually add up and then you wonder where your money goes to..geez..So like what I've said, I am so much subdued right now that even something that costs so little that I would think twice or thrice if it is worth my money. Then, whatever balance I have..even a mere two dollars..instead of buying some unnecessary snack, I would see if I can roll over the money till tomorrow. It is very hard for me but I have no other choice. It teaches me to be wiser decision maker and somehow, health wise, I think I may have benefitted. Because Im trying to cut down on unnecessary travelling, if I can walk, I will walk. Not only do I save money, when I walk I can trim down a bit and I don't know if I need to change my spectacles or what but after more than a month of walking, I notice that my legs are shapelier. Really! Usually I would be so so so freakinly conscious of my thighs that I tried to train my thoughts on the journey ahead rather than being so caught up on how my thighs look like. So I may have put on 1kg but heck, if I have lost some inches here and there..good enough. For now that is.
Anyway, since last week, I have scheduled myself to go to gyms. This week, I have two more sessions to go and both of them will be with my gym buddies. Yesterday I was solo but I still managed to squeeze in more than an hour of workout which was good for me. Actually, halfway through I strained my shoulder a bit trying to pick up my towel while still on the machine. It was quite bad that I felt faint but I slowed down and then about two minutes later, I was quite okay and managed to finish the rest of the twenty minutes...phewh!
So yup..maybe my sufferings may be for the best of me but whatever it is, I am trying my best to cope with the various situations. Haiz..the only plus point I can think of is that I am not alone. Eurgh...suffer suffer...
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