Me..Married?!
wallo!
hehe..yes, I know, yesterday's entry was a little bit carried away but I can be entitled to dream, can't i? As in, dream on rahayu! Talking about dreams ah, there was one night very recently I had this fantastic 'search for rahayu's groom' theme of a dream..heh..kinda rhymes there. I had this 'mum' who was trying to hook me up with one of her friend's sons and I had not seen this son of hers yet but then ah, the name..bloody familiar. Oh, my real mum has a friend who has a nephew of that name and she has been always trying to hook me up with him since like forever. I mean, that boy grew up to be a fine young man, handsome to boot and has a pleasing attitude..smart too coz he went to poly but narh, I think he is better off with some pretty young thing. Anyway, back to my dream. So we went through this series of guys and I tell ya, I think it was pure torture just going through that dream at first coz before hooking up with the real deal, I had to go through several suitors. Gawd...I told my 'mum' Im not ready to settle down and err..with the kind of suitors that I come across, I think it re-emphasizes the point of me NOT GETTING MARRIED. Eurgh..old man with thinning hair? What kind of dream is this?!!!!
Oh, and I finally convinced my mum to not let me go through the torture. So my mum gave up and there was this one final suitor and his name rang a bell to me. No, it's not azam...it's..Alfie..and my real mum's friend..her nephew's name is that. So I was like...get over with the hook up thing already! I don't know how...but there was another girl later who would be hooked up with this Alfie. My 'mum' was beside her and then lo and behold, Alfie came out of nowhere and..Oh.My.Gawd. He was so freaking handsome! He has this most calm face and great facial features..not forgetting..no facial hair in sight!..hehe..me have zero tolerance for facial hair...nice cropped hair..the fairest skin..and..ooh..get this...he has this nice smile and the most pleasant attitude!!!! When I saw him, I was like..'Dammit! Why did I give him up?!!!!' Then my mind went into this mode where I was fast thinking how am I gonna re-convince my mum that hey, maybe marriage is not such a bad idea.
But of course, before I can begin plotting my evil plan on how to get rid of the girl, I woke up. So God doesn't like me to think evil as well when I dream..haiz.
So anyway, maybe He was trying to convince me that marriage may not be such a bad thing after all. Unlike other females' idea of staying single is so that they can enjoy their financial independence and freedom..mine isn't like that although jz a small factor. I've always had this belief that I am not going to get married since the early days of secondary school. My mum was like..okay..suit yourself...but what she and I don't know that this belief of mine will actually become stronger and stronger over the course of my life as I kept being convinced that maybe..a married life is not written in my book of fate.
My parents have a strong communication bond and just like anything else, it does break down at times but it will stay strong together again. My parents have their own squabbles with each other which I hear both sides of the stories but I don't let them get in my head because after that, they will be talking to each like buddies. So their marriage life is okay so why am I still not convinced about married life?
The thing is..I thought that I want to dedicate my life to my neurotic family and as much as I stay firm on my personal ground that my happiness is important too, maybe Im just not crazy over having a husband and children. Maybe I have yet to have that maternal instinct in me. I just think that there's so many things that I have not done yet which have not levitate me to a point where I think Im capable enough already. Either that or I having problems coping with my current responsibilities and right now, I am not about to add on more to it.
Look...dont get me wrong. I never scoff at babies, married people irregardless whether or not they married young or old and infact, I don't even have problems with my friends who start to hook up. Financial wise, I am still not secured yet and just as I had started to reap benefits, things would happen and I would be forced to use my savings or I simply cannot survive. Oh, and I don't think ALL guys are jerks. Some are. But most are these wholesome species whom rahayu doesn't mind feasting her eyes upon. Especially the biceps.
So I just think that mentally, Im not ready and while others around me are thinking about their future married life, I just think about how am I gonna survive in the future. I don't like telling people that I may not get married because who would actually buy that? And like I said just now, maybe even God tried to convince me which is odd coz didn't He write why am I thinking like that about marriage? haha..Oh well, whatever it is...now people are too hung up about my single life but they like to talk about their personal love life which is at times troubled and I just give them my opinions IF they want to. Other than that, I just tell them to persevere and try to make the relationship stronger especially if they still love each other. But ultimately, their happiness still matters and if they think they want to move on, then they move on. It's like sometimes, as much as you try to stay in a relationship, if it's not making you happy, why continue? Maybe Im just not ur average personal advisor who die die force you to make things work. I mean, it's your life, you have the right to it...I don't try to rule you or anybody else.
See! I have nothing against people in love unlike some people who write pointless articles about her hatred for guys and how they're such dumb ass. But really, they are still God's creations and even if they are dumb asses, they are God's dumb asses but seriously, it's just a childish mindset. You can't equate the behaviour of some guys you have seen to the rest of the male population. Yes, the male and the female population have differences but if we are so alike, it will be so...da boring.
Why am I so hung up about this? I know I talk about this before but I don't think I like it when I read articles especially if it is so damning to others. Like just now in the papers this columnist talked about how she don't like babies and she would roll her eyes if she see one and rather than having a baby, she would rather get a dog. I mean, her opinions are her opinions are but does she have to damn babies until like that? We're not asking her to like babies and if they wriggle too much, it's because they can't walk or talk yet to get what they want you dumbass. And they think men are the only dumbass.
I am not too big on children too like I just see them as little people but I don't go around saying I hate children coz they're so mischievous. Some do get on ur nerves..example, my brother...but you know, they do have this alternate viewpoint about things that we adults are just too busy or nonchalant to even think about it. We're all just trying to survive in this world while babies and children, they're just trying to survive growing up as well.
So maybe my time isn't here yet to convince me to take back what I say about staying single. I would be lying if I say Im not afraid. The fact is, I am but some people are doing it all fine and I think I can make it. If not, I still have the next option..get married to Alfie lor! hehe..
hehe..yes, I know, yesterday's entry was a little bit carried away but I can be entitled to dream, can't i? As in, dream on rahayu! Talking about dreams ah, there was one night very recently I had this fantastic 'search for rahayu's groom' theme of a dream..heh..kinda rhymes there. I had this 'mum' who was trying to hook me up with one of her friend's sons and I had not seen this son of hers yet but then ah, the name..bloody familiar. Oh, my real mum has a friend who has a nephew of that name and she has been always trying to hook me up with him since like forever. I mean, that boy grew up to be a fine young man, handsome to boot and has a pleasing attitude..smart too coz he went to poly but narh, I think he is better off with some pretty young thing. Anyway, back to my dream. So we went through this series of guys and I tell ya, I think it was pure torture just going through that dream at first coz before hooking up with the real deal, I had to go through several suitors. Gawd...I told my 'mum' Im not ready to settle down and err..with the kind of suitors that I come across, I think it re-emphasizes the point of me NOT GETTING MARRIED. Eurgh..old man with thinning hair? What kind of dream is this?!!!!
Oh, and I finally convinced my mum to not let me go through the torture. So my mum gave up and there was this one final suitor and his name rang a bell to me. No, it's not azam...it's..Alfie..and my real mum's friend..her nephew's name is that. So I was like...get over with the hook up thing already! I don't know how...but there was another girl later who would be hooked up with this Alfie. My 'mum' was beside her and then lo and behold, Alfie came out of nowhere and..Oh.My.Gawd. He was so freaking handsome! He has this most calm face and great facial features..not forgetting..no facial hair in sight!..hehe..me have zero tolerance for facial hair...nice cropped hair..the fairest skin..and..ooh..get this...he has this nice smile and the most pleasant attitude!!!! When I saw him, I was like..'Dammit! Why did I give him up?!!!!' Then my mind went into this mode where I was fast thinking how am I gonna re-convince my mum that hey, maybe marriage is not such a bad idea.
But of course, before I can begin plotting my evil plan on how to get rid of the girl, I woke up. So God doesn't like me to think evil as well when I dream..haiz.
So anyway, maybe He was trying to convince me that marriage may not be such a bad thing after all. Unlike other females' idea of staying single is so that they can enjoy their financial independence and freedom..mine isn't like that although jz a small factor. I've always had this belief that I am not going to get married since the early days of secondary school. My mum was like..okay..suit yourself...but what she and I don't know that this belief of mine will actually become stronger and stronger over the course of my life as I kept being convinced that maybe..a married life is not written in my book of fate.
My parents have a strong communication bond and just like anything else, it does break down at times but it will stay strong together again. My parents have their own squabbles with each other which I hear both sides of the stories but I don't let them get in my head because after that, they will be talking to each like buddies. So their marriage life is okay so why am I still not convinced about married life?
The thing is..I thought that I want to dedicate my life to my neurotic family and as much as I stay firm on my personal ground that my happiness is important too, maybe Im just not crazy over having a husband and children. Maybe I have yet to have that maternal instinct in me. I just think that there's so many things that I have not done yet which have not levitate me to a point where I think Im capable enough already. Either that or I having problems coping with my current responsibilities and right now, I am not about to add on more to it.
Look...dont get me wrong. I never scoff at babies, married people irregardless whether or not they married young or old and infact, I don't even have problems with my friends who start to hook up. Financial wise, I am still not secured yet and just as I had started to reap benefits, things would happen and I would be forced to use my savings or I simply cannot survive. Oh, and I don't think ALL guys are jerks. Some are. But most are these wholesome species whom rahayu doesn't mind feasting her eyes upon. Especially the biceps.
So I just think that mentally, Im not ready and while others around me are thinking about their future married life, I just think about how am I gonna survive in the future. I don't like telling people that I may not get married because who would actually buy that? And like I said just now, maybe even God tried to convince me which is odd coz didn't He write why am I thinking like that about marriage? haha..Oh well, whatever it is...now people are too hung up about my single life but they like to talk about their personal love life which is at times troubled and I just give them my opinions IF they want to. Other than that, I just tell them to persevere and try to make the relationship stronger especially if they still love each other. But ultimately, their happiness still matters and if they think they want to move on, then they move on. It's like sometimes, as much as you try to stay in a relationship, if it's not making you happy, why continue? Maybe Im just not ur average personal advisor who die die force you to make things work. I mean, it's your life, you have the right to it...I don't try to rule you or anybody else.
See! I have nothing against people in love unlike some people who write pointless articles about her hatred for guys and how they're such dumb ass. But really, they are still God's creations and even if they are dumb asses, they are God's dumb asses but seriously, it's just a childish mindset. You can't equate the behaviour of some guys you have seen to the rest of the male population. Yes, the male and the female population have differences but if we are so alike, it will be so...da boring.
Why am I so hung up about this? I know I talk about this before but I don't think I like it when I read articles especially if it is so damning to others. Like just now in the papers this columnist talked about how she don't like babies and she would roll her eyes if she see one and rather than having a baby, she would rather get a dog. I mean, her opinions are her opinions are but does she have to damn babies until like that? We're not asking her to like babies and if they wriggle too much, it's because they can't walk or talk yet to get what they want you dumbass. And they think men are the only dumbass.
I am not too big on children too like I just see them as little people but I don't go around saying I hate children coz they're so mischievous. Some do get on ur nerves..example, my brother...but you know, they do have this alternate viewpoint about things that we adults are just too busy or nonchalant to even think about it. We're all just trying to survive in this world while babies and children, they're just trying to survive growing up as well.
So maybe my time isn't here yet to convince me to take back what I say about staying single. I would be lying if I say Im not afraid. The fact is, I am but some people are doing it all fine and I think I can make it. If not, I still have the next option..get married to Alfie lor! hehe..
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