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Not Proud But Desperate

I did something that I'm not proud of but sometimes in the most desperate of situations, I felt like I had to. I'm not going to spill about it and to be honestly, I don't really feel too guilty about it either. I felt that my situation is worse and it's going to help me. But granted, I won't do it again.


Have you ever get caught in this kind of situation? You felt you shouldn't do it but you had to, if only to make things better.


I shall give away one of the things that I did. I actually downloaded the draft of my performance review found on the sharing network at my workplace. My colleague taught me how to do it and we know that we shouldn't do it but we did it because we want to improve ourselves by reading our performance reviews. Actually my boss wrote a lot of good things about me and I'm so proud of it :D But at the same time, there were also areas to improve and I know where my weaknesses are. I felt that I should be contribute more ideas to improve work flow. 


My colleague is very much a perfectionist though she proclaims that she isn't one and I don't think arranging the chairs and tables in an absolute straight line is an example :S But she is also good in thinking up new ideas and she's helpful in a sense that she knows where I stand and how she used to be like me and gave me many good tips to help me along in my work. For example, she said that well, I should be more questioning in my work processes so that I know where to improve on like okay, this is done this way and why is that so? Is there a better way to improve it? Something in that line which I think is a very good way of contributing idease. Some ideas may work and some don't but the important thing is that, at least we tried.


Okay that's how much I wish to reveal. The other secret? Uhm....let's leave it as it is.


Let's talk about guys. I find that guys are great conversationalists when they want to get to know a girl better. Everything that they say seem to push your right buttons and no, I don't mean that in a sexual way. What I meant is that they will say things to make you feel good about yourself. They may say things that oh, they don't like girls who are too vain but then, in real life, they thrive on looking out for such girls in the hope of grabbing the next best arm trophy. They say that you look pretty in the picture even without the make up on but in their heart, they're just laughing away. I dunno..just sayin'.


But then we girls are also good at masking our real self. We say things to make us sound smarter and funnier so that we don't give the impression that we are some airhead. 


These are just general views because tell me, who doesn't want to make a good first impression? It's just we may over do it without realizing it and make ourselves to be so fake. 


Granted, although my last conversation with a guy, not including my male colleagues at work, was quite a good one, I didn't hear from him again and though I wouldn't mind another conversation, I suppose it's okay. Maybe God knows that I'm not ready to make friends with the opposite sex yet because there are still so much going on in my mind right now.


I shall continue with my quest to improve my style, my happiness and my health and beauty routine so that I will have a more positive outlook in life without the fear of what people may think of me. I have not gained that self confidence yet mainly because of how I look and feel. While I'm at it, I shall blog about it as well so you will see me writing quite frequently these days :)


I hope I don't bore you..haha..

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