Open Book
My life as an open book. that would be interesting. I was reading this blog one time and every week, they featured three avatars and last week was about the profiles behind the avatars where readers get a glimpse into their life..sorta like an open book through their 'about me' section.
So how would my life be if I were to write a profile about myself bearing in mind the theme of 'open book'? Maybe...just maybe...it will go something like this?..
Now now..dont laugh..
'Hi my name is Rahayu and Im just your average girl in the mid twenties and I have a laid-back approach to life which may not be the kind of life that life coaches will promote. Every day I struggle to find meaning to my life and try to accept whatever is thrown my way though at times, it can be very unbearable. Yet, I always manage to pull through with the support of friends and family, even if the latter can be quite a handful for me being a single young woman with the burden of the family's responsibilities on top of her rather broad shoulders.
I often try to make time for myself such as after work and most of it is spent on the net. Whether Im googling, reading article after article on pop culture blogs, watching videos after videos on youtube or blogging, to me, it is a way of relieving the stress of my daily struggles.
There are times when I try to get out of my comfort zone and I am proud to say that I have been successful at that. Though the process may take time to take place before I succeed, the bottomline is that I managed to and to me, that is quite an achievement.
I am often labelled as a nice person or a quiet person and I do admit that I agree with them. But if there are times for me to act tough, I will force myself to do so because it is one way to prove to myself that I can do it. Generally, I dont like to label people also or typecast people because I believe everyone is different but at times, I cant help but to generalise especially if some people try so hard to blend in with the norm, that it is hard for them to stand out.
While I struggle to maintain the sanity in my family, I also struggle with my own inner demons. I am a recovering food and snack addict and I used to balk at the thought of hearing that in one day, we can only have up to 5 meals because to me, I thought that was so little. I admit that I am slightly obssessed with my weight because Im torn between wanting to look better and being true to myself. But I try to have some balance in my life, as in other aspects of my life too such as my work life, and most time, I do succeed because I have taught myself that sometimes, a bit of sacrifice wont hurt if it is going to be for the better and also to try not to think too much about it.
I have never dated or have a boyfriend before in my life though I love boys. No not in a paedophile sort of manner but generally, matured guys even if they're straight or otherwise. Hey, if they're good looking, why not. However, I dont think I am ever going to be ready in a relationship because I think that I dont have 'space' for one in my life due to my heavy commitment towards my own family. And I guess God understands that because so far, no guy has ever shown interest in me..haha..Yes, God, play the cruel joke on me.
Despite my relaxed demeanour, I did suffer from depression twice in my life before in my teens. It was so bad that I found myself crying for a good fifteen minutes whenever I went into the toilet cubicle. I was not able to smile at all and found myself drowning in a sea of sorrow every single day. But I snapped out of it, like after three months or so, and learnt my mistakes and came out never better. Infact, my life improved and the dark days soon became nothing but bad memories.
For now, I am still trying to get used to my new work life which I have made a complete turn from my last job. I dont have the kind of bond I used to have with my former colleagues which initially made me a tinge depressed but I have learnt to cope with it and shift my focus into performing better for my job rather than to feel left out of their childish jokes. I am also trying to do more than what I am doing right now and possibly, open an online shop of costume jewelleries and dabble a bit more in graphic designing. It will make me feel that I am not that 'useless' anymore by just spending my free time in a very carefree manner.
My dream one day is to continue my studies. I was close to achieving that this year but unfortunately, family comes first for me and the savings that I have right now, I think that is better spent on them first than me. But I will, nevertheless, try my best and if not this year, maybe next year?
Somehow my other dream to become a teacher has died because my idea of becoming a teacher then was too simplistic and knowing myself, I will probably struggle a lot. However, I did manage to get myself into the education ministry by becoming involved with school administration. I have always wanted to do administration whether is it for school or not because I get to have my own table and computer. Yes, very lame but true.
Okay, I think I have spoken enough about life as an open book. Hope it somehow enlightens you a bit about the real me. Or not.
So how would my life be if I were to write a profile about myself bearing in mind the theme of 'open book'? Maybe...just maybe...it will go something like this?..
Now now..dont laugh..
'Hi my name is Rahayu and Im just your average girl in the mid twenties and I have a laid-back approach to life which may not be the kind of life that life coaches will promote. Every day I struggle to find meaning to my life and try to accept whatever is thrown my way though at times, it can be very unbearable. Yet, I always manage to pull through with the support of friends and family, even if the latter can be quite a handful for me being a single young woman with the burden of the family's responsibilities on top of her rather broad shoulders.
I often try to make time for myself such as after work and most of it is spent on the net. Whether Im googling, reading article after article on pop culture blogs, watching videos after videos on youtube or blogging, to me, it is a way of relieving the stress of my daily struggles.
There are times when I try to get out of my comfort zone and I am proud to say that I have been successful at that. Though the process may take time to take place before I succeed, the bottomline is that I managed to and to me, that is quite an achievement.
I am often labelled as a nice person or a quiet person and I do admit that I agree with them. But if there are times for me to act tough, I will force myself to do so because it is one way to prove to myself that I can do it. Generally, I dont like to label people also or typecast people because I believe everyone is different but at times, I cant help but to generalise especially if some people try so hard to blend in with the norm, that it is hard for them to stand out.
While I struggle to maintain the sanity in my family, I also struggle with my own inner demons. I am a recovering food and snack addict and I used to balk at the thought of hearing that in one day, we can only have up to 5 meals because to me, I thought that was so little. I admit that I am slightly obssessed with my weight because Im torn between wanting to look better and being true to myself. But I try to have some balance in my life, as in other aspects of my life too such as my work life, and most time, I do succeed because I have taught myself that sometimes, a bit of sacrifice wont hurt if it is going to be for the better and also to try not to think too much about it.
I have never dated or have a boyfriend before in my life though I love boys. No not in a paedophile sort of manner but generally, matured guys even if they're straight or otherwise. Hey, if they're good looking, why not. However, I dont think I am ever going to be ready in a relationship because I think that I dont have 'space' for one in my life due to my heavy commitment towards my own family. And I guess God understands that because so far, no guy has ever shown interest in me..haha..Yes, God, play the cruel joke on me.
Despite my relaxed demeanour, I did suffer from depression twice in my life before in my teens. It was so bad that I found myself crying for a good fifteen minutes whenever I went into the toilet cubicle. I was not able to smile at all and found myself drowning in a sea of sorrow every single day. But I snapped out of it, like after three months or so, and learnt my mistakes and came out never better. Infact, my life improved and the dark days soon became nothing but bad memories.
For now, I am still trying to get used to my new work life which I have made a complete turn from my last job. I dont have the kind of bond I used to have with my former colleagues which initially made me a tinge depressed but I have learnt to cope with it and shift my focus into performing better for my job rather than to feel left out of their childish jokes. I am also trying to do more than what I am doing right now and possibly, open an online shop of costume jewelleries and dabble a bit more in graphic designing. It will make me feel that I am not that 'useless' anymore by just spending my free time in a very carefree manner.
My dream one day is to continue my studies. I was close to achieving that this year but unfortunately, family comes first for me and the savings that I have right now, I think that is better spent on them first than me. But I will, nevertheless, try my best and if not this year, maybe next year?
Somehow my other dream to become a teacher has died because my idea of becoming a teacher then was too simplistic and knowing myself, I will probably struggle a lot. However, I did manage to get myself into the education ministry by becoming involved with school administration. I have always wanted to do administration whether is it for school or not because I get to have my own table and computer. Yes, very lame but true.
Okay, I think I have spoken enough about life as an open book. Hope it somehow enlightens you a bit about the real me. Or not.
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