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Helpless

you know what im feeling right now...absolutely krummy. In other words, helpless...useless...depressed...anything negative that you can think about, yup that pretty much sums me up. I feel like Im losing my head soon and I hate this sinking feeling but it's really hard to stay afloat. No one understands the emotional turmoil Im going through right now. I just find it hard to grasp that I dont even know what tomorrow holds for me or if I can ever go through each day as it passes by. There is this completely dark void in my life right now and Im missing something.....happiness maybe? You know they say...happiness is short lived. I think they have a point. It's like God let you enjoy life...just for that moment....and that wham! he takes it away just like that and there you are in the pitiful hole once again.


If God says that Im not trying my best..He is so wrong. But everytime I try to make it better or at least try to make the happiness last a bit longer even if I have to sacrifice every now and then, I feel like Im always back to square one.


Sometimes, I just dont know what to do...I feel completely helpless. I know at times I pulled a couple of stunts in the past and managed to get out of this stinkin' mess but it was not easy. I could not tell anyone what I am going through right now coz words cant explain how Im feeling. So I have no other choice but to keep it within me but for how long? Will I ever survive the ordeal? Will I ever get out of this mess and if so, when?


Maybe the situations around me are too much for me to bear. Maybe Im growing up too fast. Maybe I did try not hard enough but inside of me, I thought I did.


With such intense pressure, sometimes I just hope people will just let me be. I wont run astray or create havoc but I will probably just stay still and quietly wish my emotional problems will go away. But this is life, and I were to continue living, I cant stay stagnant all the way. I have to keep on moving...even if every step is painful...even if each day, I have to go through the agony all over again just like the day before.


This is so hard..............

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