Physical vs Emotional
I havent been in my blogging mode this couple of weeks even though I managed to conjure up few short entries. To tell you the truth, Im not 100% well even though I think I may approach that 'magic' number' soon. I kinda experienced my second fainting spell but it was not as bad as the other time. It just felt my breath was knocked out of me even though I merely did a short sprint to the mrt lift chasing after my colleague. After that every heartbeat was quite painful that I felt like I had to sit down but of course I cant coz I was on the way to office.
But I felt like a weakling and I dont know if you think that Im weird or something but I hate that kind of weak feeling. Nowadays, I go home shagged...if I conjure up a bit of energy, it's usually to watch tv at 10 on certain days and then it's straight to bed. Yes, Im the same rahayu that goes to bed late into the night after napping around 11pm but it's like now it's straight until morning sleep. I would do that same waking up thingey prior to being sick about 1 plus or 2 plus in the morning but I would be too tired to get out of bed.
Anyway, I tried to rectify that by going to the gym coz as lame as it sounds, workouts do give me an energy boost whether psycologically or physically, Im not sure. But a week of recovery and missing out on gym gave me a hard time. Ten minutes into doing each of the cardio machines and I almost had to call it quits. I had to do one of those great mental strength thingey and I had to sit down after every half an hour on it too.
But you know what...it's okay. I think it just gave me back the part of me that was a bit 'lost'. See, fever messes your head even after recovering from it. It drains you of your energy and before you know it, even if you think you are well, somehow some things that you do speaks volumes of your health that you're just not up there.
I know my mum and my friend calls me stubborn. But it's something that some people dont understand like why I do certain things that make me people think Im crazy...though not to a great extent. Im just helping myself in ways that I can to stop myself from thinking that Im such a weakling.
I may not look like the type who has great independence and may appear as someone easily pushed over. But certain principals that i have in life are things not known to others which explain why I do certain things or think certain ways. These reasonings may not be logical to others but they make up my life.
Dont you have principals too? Im sure we all have one but it's a matter of sticking to them and how much sense they make, sometimes only we understand. But it makes us unique individuals. We are all not the same in the first place, right?
But dont worry. I wont abandon my health. Infact it's the very core of why I do some things and why I choose not to do some things despite being so used to doing them. It's just the changing of mindsets.
You know what..if you think Im rambling, you're half right. It's just that I dont want to be so 'open' about what Im thinking like why I still go to the gym in the evening even though in the morning I had a bout of fainting spell. Like I said, call me stubborn but it's just my principal in life that it's only me getting back not only my physical strength but my mental strength.
But I felt like a weakling and I dont know if you think that Im weird or something but I hate that kind of weak feeling. Nowadays, I go home shagged...if I conjure up a bit of energy, it's usually to watch tv at 10 on certain days and then it's straight to bed. Yes, Im the same rahayu that goes to bed late into the night after napping around 11pm but it's like now it's straight until morning sleep. I would do that same waking up thingey prior to being sick about 1 plus or 2 plus in the morning but I would be too tired to get out of bed.
Anyway, I tried to rectify that by going to the gym coz as lame as it sounds, workouts do give me an energy boost whether psycologically or physically, Im not sure. But a week of recovery and missing out on gym gave me a hard time. Ten minutes into doing each of the cardio machines and I almost had to call it quits. I had to do one of those great mental strength thingey and I had to sit down after every half an hour on it too.
But you know what...it's okay. I think it just gave me back the part of me that was a bit 'lost'. See, fever messes your head even after recovering from it. It drains you of your energy and before you know it, even if you think you are well, somehow some things that you do speaks volumes of your health that you're just not up there.
I know my mum and my friend calls me stubborn. But it's something that some people dont understand like why I do certain things that make me people think Im crazy...though not to a great extent. Im just helping myself in ways that I can to stop myself from thinking that Im such a weakling.
I may not look like the type who has great independence and may appear as someone easily pushed over. But certain principals that i have in life are things not known to others which explain why I do certain things or think certain ways. These reasonings may not be logical to others but they make up my life.
Dont you have principals too? Im sure we all have one but it's a matter of sticking to them and how much sense they make, sometimes only we understand. But it makes us unique individuals. We are all not the same in the first place, right?
But dont worry. I wont abandon my health. Infact it's the very core of why I do some things and why I choose not to do some things despite being so used to doing them. It's just the changing of mindsets.
You know what..if you think Im rambling, you're half right. It's just that I dont want to be so 'open' about what Im thinking like why I still go to the gym in the evening even though in the morning I had a bout of fainting spell. Like I said, call me stubborn but it's just my principal in life that it's only me getting back not only my physical strength but my mental strength.
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