Let it Go

I've watched a few video clips on the profiles of real life couples done MTV style and it's a really interesting look at how they try to overcome physical distances, family issues and even military issues. Gives you this feel good feeling about love that in order for two people to get together, they are willing to stick it in and do what is required to be motivated in keeping the love alive between them.

 

I guess I've written a few times before that Im a committed single which means that within a space of few years, I have kinda ruled out the possibility of a relationship due to my own life's complications. But one can never be 100% ready for love, from what I've seen through these clips. If love wants to find you, it will find you.

 

Although I have never come to a point where I actually have to rule out potential love interests, I secretly hope also D Day will never come. But being an open minded person that I am, I actually would not mind just going out with a guy but only within friendship terms. It's just that nowadays, I have this belief that at this age of mine (ahem..mid twenties), I kinda doubt guys would rather be 'just friends'. Of course there will be this longing to be in love etc..etc...in the guy's part so, if I go out with a guy with this concept in mind, then Im sorry this is a case of a classic rejection.

 

But then again, like I often say, we can only plan and who knows, I may have a change of mind...a change of heart...a change of desire..and suddenly poof! Rahayu..is in love.

 

Trust me, now my mind is already very the preoccupied. Like last Saturday, my mind was quite occupied about me actually revealing to my mum how much I actually got for my upcoming payout come January after my special resignation with this company. Big mistake. I actually thought that she was just going to stick to $2k and thats it. But then, she started lamenting like what..thats it? 2K? She does need to spend on herself? I guess, people will never change.

 

So I was racking my brain as to how I was going to twist the story and blamed myself for being overexcited. But I managed to downsize the amount to back where I first started off in which I predicted I will get based on my number of years in service. So, my mum was like saying...'so little?' even though I said I would still give her $2k.

 

I can never understand my mum. My father was not around last Sunday after he left on Saturday evening which we assumed he had gone to his sister's house. I thought my mum would just put a plug on it since my father was not around and she was free to do what she wanted. Instead she kept on talking about my father staying over there and how 'big' he thinks of sister whom she often said swindled my late grandfather's money away.

 

I am...so...sick..and tired of hearing her repeated stories. I mean, it's not going to get the money back or anything and this issue was so gawd damn long time ago already. Why cant she just let it freaking well go?!!! Yes I understand that they should not have done that and donated a huge amount of money to the mosques even though our family ourselves were struggling and also how my uncle, who was not directly related to my late grandfather, did not consult my dad or my late grandfather's family as to how to distribute the money.

 

But that's how people are what. Some people are just so concerned in making a name for themselves among outsiders while not giving help to the direct family members. It's also like my aunt's husband who had actually saved up for the korban (the Islamic slaughtering of sheep for Hari Raya Haji) which is within a few hundred dollars while he struggled to feed his own daughter on a daily basis.

 

Sometimes I wonder if I think too much but seriously, I have turned into this monotonous machine when my mum is her blabbering repetitive mode. She gets angry if I kinda raised my voice a bit when I start to lose my patience with her endless mindless questioning about my father or hearing out her negative remarks about him. Seriously, I am not that happy about my father either and he's not doing his fatherly duty which stinks coz that is an added responsibility/burden to me. Already I have to buy back food for him every day as my mum doesnt cook for him while here I am struggling to maintain my budget.

 

But despite my struggles, I do believe in the good nature of people and this very people are the ones that keep me going. I really salute them for keeping my sanity intact. I will repay your kind deeds one day and words cannot explain how grateful I am for these people's help in giving me their endless support towards me.

 

I thank U.