Ticking Timebomb

First of all, a shoutout to those who commented on my blog recently. Thank you so much for the positive messages even though we don't know each other. It means a lot to me.

In my previous post, just as I finished writing it, I took to my twitter still being all upset because I still didn't feel too good like I'm just not worthy of dealing with life's current stresses. I am feeling as if I am this ticking timebomb about to explode. Truth be told, I have suffered from depression before twice in my life when I was in my teens. It went untreated because nobody knew. Eventually it went away though it took months but when it did go away it was as if this heavy burden has been lifted from my shoulders.

Actually my problems are not new. It is just that somehow I manage to pull through each and every time and seriously, I do not know how. Mentally, it is torturing. Physically, well, I get splitting headaches which render me weak and I have to turn in early coz I couldn't cope and will try to sleep. Even as I'm typing this away on my phone, I am still nursing a headache. It went away for awhile when I took a nap but when I woke up later to have a sandwich my mum prepared, it came back again. It is like someone is knocking inside my head with a sledgehammer.

Yes my mum takes care of me when I'm sick but not really in a motherly way but more like, if I don't do this she won't shut up, kind of way. Trust me, while some others may keep to themselves when they are not well, I tend to be noisy. How can I not? I have low pain threshold and the pain can get unbearable at times.

That aside, I am actually hoping if I could get an early salary brought forward from next month due to the hari raya celebrations. While I know it means that October pay will come much later, or rather feels like it is such a long way to go, I guess I could cope coz end of September, we will get our quarterly maintenance money. But I'm not using all of my September pay only to be broke soon. I'm just keeping it mostly and use just a little to buy, say, a new outfit for hari raya. God knows how much money we all spend during this occasion. My only saving grace is that we don't really go house visiting or that people come to our house. It is just a family affair.

For now, I want to concentrate on starting my own accessories line and hope to get it done by end of this week. I know one of the ways to beat this poverty cycle is to basically start a business. They also encourage those low income single mothers, not that I am though, to start small like making cookies and cakes for hari raya orders to supplement their income. Hey, who knows, my so called future business can take off to a good start due to people's preparations to look good during the month long celebrations. Now if only I am not suffering from this splitting headaches. Ow. I'm actually covering my head with a bolster pillow to lessen the impact and hence why I am able to type. Lying down on my mattress helps too.

So let us hope for the best that I can get through this state of depression.

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