Slowly Finding Love

Well, in my previous entries, I've always look down on myself in terms of my physical appearance to the extent of calling myself ugly. Actually I am wrong to say that. No Im not going to say that Im actually SUPER ugly and not just ugly. I must be thankful that I have perfect features though my mum complains my nose is too big. Anyway that's just her. Bottom line is, even if there is some girl out there who is pretty, there is bound to be someone else who is prettier, haha. Okay sorry I shouldn't be ridiculing such pretty girls, haha.


So I think that I shouldn't underestimate myself. I think everyone has their own opinions as to how pretty you are or how handsome you are and if they are evil enough, they will call you downright ugly but who cares, right? As long as we don't think so low of our self, and continue to take good care of our self, it's good enough.


But of course, which girls heart won't melt if some guy calls her pretty and it will be a double bonus if the guy you are crushing on says that you are pretty. Best of all, you don't need to put in much effort in terms of dressing up and he still thinks you are worthy of being called pretty. And all because you are a beautiful and amazing person being just the way you are :)


I know Im rambling at 3.30 am in the morning and I should be asleep right now. I met up with a long time friend just now and then part of our conversation involves finding our better half. I haven't met him yet and you know I don't have any luck in the love department. After my time in school spent chatting away with guys I hardly knew and then went on several meet up sessions, I concluded many years ago that I want to get to know guys the old fashioned way. That means, just meeting them face to face. It could stem from a friendship that turns into something more once feelings start to develop but because of my lack of social skills or that my social circle isn't very wide, unfortunately, it's really hard for me to find people to get to know of. Sure these couple of years, I do make friends but I tend to stick to long time friends who I meet up once in awhile but they're all girls of my age :S


Years go by and I still haven't met someone who shares a mutual interest in me and that I reciprocate the feeling and interest back. But maybe, someday I will, you will never know. There are those people who thought they will remain single but met someone from the past again and then new feelings emerge. Im so envious of such people. 


Though I still hold on to the notion that guys are mostly interested in girls in terms of physical appearance, sometimes I am proven wrong that this is not always the case. I do see couples where the guy is a skinny dude or a good looking dude and the girl is..er..on the other side of the fence but they're happy and that's all that matters right? Them being happy together even if people were to look their way and see how strange their combination is. I mean who are we to judge them, eh?


I've always been on the heavier side being in my teens and then all the way up to my twenties so I assume in that manner that guys go for girls who are slim and pretty. That seems like a shallow thought but to see so many couples like that, one couldn't help but think of it as being very true. I can't deny though that yes, there are people who seem interested in me which do make me feel like eh, am I that worthy of being liked? Unfortunately, I don't feel the same for them. Ah yes, fussy ol' me. If I die a single woman, you won't even wonder why.


My friend, who initially is against the idea of being attached, is slowly finding ways online to meet new guys. Then now she is persuading me to do the same too. Well, currently Im not harbouring any interest in any guy though I am admitting now that I do have a teensy bit of crush with the hdb officer which of course led me to having that strange weird dream. I mean he's such a nice and caring guy judging from his email responses over the last few months.  I did wonder prior to that dream on how he looked like when I passed by his office. Honestly too, when I see other guys recently, I get fleeting thoughts like hey, maybe he looks like this guy or maybe he looks like that guy. I also secretly hope that he emails me and asks me how I am and then saying his intention of wanting to be my friend but I dunno, dream on, maybe?


Well, love is unpredictable just as how life is also unpredictable. If God thinks that he wants to match me with that HDB guy, well, I hope He makes a good choice, hahaha. Yes who am I to judge Him.




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