I heard two news of death in one day just a day after my father's one year death anniversary. It's shocking coz every time I hear of someone who has passed away, I can't help but to sympathize with the family because of their big loss.
Yesterday, my mum together with my aunt went to the muslim cemetery to see to the burial of my late aunt. After that, they took a cab down to my father's burial plot to visit his grave. When my mum was telling me how clean his grave looks because of the hard work of the caretakers there and that his grave was nicely decorated with blue bricks, I wish I was there to see it for myself. After a year of not seeing him, it was definitely a tearful reunion of sorts to finally see him again and speak of words in our heart even though he can't hear us anymore. If I were to go, I will be such a dripping mess because the sheer thought of it, makes me have runny tears.
I know this may seem strange but we never seem to address him as late dad since he has left us for the heavens. It's like he still exists though just in our hearts. We still reminiscence him as though he has gone somewhere and will probably come back although he clearly isn't going to. I don't think I ever have the heart to finally address him as my late dad but just my dad. I know it's not the right thing to say because we have to accept that the person is gone. We do accept it but we just can't let go of memories of him especially when me and my mum bear the guilt and regret of not treating him right when he was not in his best of health.
Life is indeed very short and that we must be thankful for what we have including having food to eat. Not everyone has this privilege so we better treasure every single moment before it's too late. I know that even I myself feel guilty and making so much noise about definitely putting on weight after eating something which isn't good for my body, at least in my opinion, but once in awhile, indulging in a bit of ice cream won't kill me. If Im so worried, then I should not eat much la the next few days. Simple.
I actually should stop harbouring such crappy thoughts because it undermines the fact that I still can eat good food whether or not I was the one who bought the ice cream. It's no joke but my colleague bought for me two pints of ben n jerry's ice cream. You know how expensive that bloody thing is although bottom line, it's still ice cream with additional stuffs like brownies and cookie dough, for instance. And you know too how I WILL NOT spend on such things because look at me, I don't even buy a 4 over dollars plus tub of ice cream. Maybe God knows that I don't spend my money unnecessarily especially on something that will make me be wrecked with guilt but He also knows that I have got my craving for Ben n Jerry's ice cream and merely a week after my rant on fb, a kind soul bought for me their ice cream.
Sometimes I feel like I'm on top of the world if people are being nice to me especially if every day Im struggling with life's demands. I don't want to experience hardship anymore and so every day too, I am doing my best to cope with my family's expenditure. Im still living under one roof with my mum whom you can't quite say No to even though later she ponders where does my money go to whenever I complain that I don't have money already..chet. I do have a friend who laments that Im under the control of my mum but babe, if she ever carry out a strike that she is never going wash and clean my clothes again for instance, Im going to hell. Heck, if I am ever disrespectful to her, Im going to hell too. Infact, I don't have to die just yet to experience the brutal hell, Im not going to have an easy life on earth too.
Life works in such a way that if you are good to people, you will have good things happening to you too but of course, not all the time because it will only make you less of a person if everything is handed to you on a platter. Currently, I envy this one ex colleague of mine who experienced a windfall after selling her house and is now on a shopping rampage for expensive branded bags. I know coz there are people who share snippets of their life story via facebook status updates. Then there is also another ex colleague who has a boyfriend that gets huge hints, on facebook no less, about wanting to buy a branded handbag. I think last I heard, she got it coz yes the announcement was clearly very big on facebook as well. If I ever have a boyfriend, I don't want him to get me expensive things unless he wants to get it for me himself..haha..I will feel like such a loser if I ever encourage him heavily to get for me because that poor guy is also working hard to earn money but Im merely sponging off him.
Oh well, some people have it some people don't. Some people are pretty, some are fat and ugly like me. Don't get me wrong coz I've said many times, it's better to count on my blessings so being fat and ugly is not an issue for me though as a normal human being, being envious of other girls' good fortune is nothing unless I choose to be freaking jealous over it then it's not normal already. Im happy in the sense that though my good fortune is not as expensive as their taste in brand (my only so called branded good is a heavily discounted Guess wallet..I still don't have the guts to buy their gorgeous bag..such a simpleton), it actually comes from the kindness of the people around me who shower me with things like free food..haha...coz you know, food doesn't come cheap nowadays too. Oh, and at the end of the day, the bags that they bought? It's also for investment just in case one day, they need the money and they can sell off the bags. And what is one of the things that they will get after selling them off? Why, food of course! At the end of the day, it still comes down to satisfying our basic needs.
Ok fine, Im just trying to console myself there..haha.
Yesterday, my mum together with my aunt went to the muslim cemetery to see to the burial of my late aunt. After that, they took a cab down to my father's burial plot to visit his grave. When my mum was telling me how clean his grave looks because of the hard work of the caretakers there and that his grave was nicely decorated with blue bricks, I wish I was there to see it for myself. After a year of not seeing him, it was definitely a tearful reunion of sorts to finally see him again and speak of words in our heart even though he can't hear us anymore. If I were to go, I will be such a dripping mess because the sheer thought of it, makes me have runny tears.
I know this may seem strange but we never seem to address him as late dad since he has left us for the heavens. It's like he still exists though just in our hearts. We still reminiscence him as though he has gone somewhere and will probably come back although he clearly isn't going to. I don't think I ever have the heart to finally address him as my late dad but just my dad. I know it's not the right thing to say because we have to accept that the person is gone. We do accept it but we just can't let go of memories of him especially when me and my mum bear the guilt and regret of not treating him right when he was not in his best of health.
Life is indeed very short and that we must be thankful for what we have including having food to eat. Not everyone has this privilege so we better treasure every single moment before it's too late. I know that even I myself feel guilty and making so much noise about definitely putting on weight after eating something which isn't good for my body, at least in my opinion, but once in awhile, indulging in a bit of ice cream won't kill me. If Im so worried, then I should not eat much la the next few days. Simple.
I actually should stop harbouring such crappy thoughts because it undermines the fact that I still can eat good food whether or not I was the one who bought the ice cream. It's no joke but my colleague bought for me two pints of ben n jerry's ice cream. You know how expensive that bloody thing is although bottom line, it's still ice cream with additional stuffs like brownies and cookie dough, for instance. And you know too how I WILL NOT spend on such things because look at me, I don't even buy a 4 over dollars plus tub of ice cream. Maybe God knows that I don't spend my money unnecessarily especially on something that will make me be wrecked with guilt but He also knows that I have got my craving for Ben n Jerry's ice cream and merely a week after my rant on fb, a kind soul bought for me their ice cream.
Sometimes I feel like I'm on top of the world if people are being nice to me especially if every day Im struggling with life's demands. I don't want to experience hardship anymore and so every day too, I am doing my best to cope with my family's expenditure. Im still living under one roof with my mum whom you can't quite say No to even though later she ponders where does my money go to whenever I complain that I don't have money already..chet. I do have a friend who laments that Im under the control of my mum but babe, if she ever carry out a strike that she is never going wash and clean my clothes again for instance, Im going to hell. Heck, if I am ever disrespectful to her, Im going to hell too. Infact, I don't have to die just yet to experience the brutal hell, Im not going to have an easy life on earth too.
Life works in such a way that if you are good to people, you will have good things happening to you too but of course, not all the time because it will only make you less of a person if everything is handed to you on a platter. Currently, I envy this one ex colleague of mine who experienced a windfall after selling her house and is now on a shopping rampage for expensive branded bags. I know coz there are people who share snippets of their life story via facebook status updates. Then there is also another ex colleague who has a boyfriend that gets huge hints, on facebook no less, about wanting to buy a branded handbag. I think last I heard, she got it coz yes the announcement was clearly very big on facebook as well. If I ever have a boyfriend, I don't want him to get me expensive things unless he wants to get it for me himself..haha..I will feel like such a loser if I ever encourage him heavily to get for me because that poor guy is also working hard to earn money but Im merely sponging off him.
Oh well, some people have it some people don't. Some people are pretty, some are fat and ugly like me. Don't get me wrong coz I've said many times, it's better to count on my blessings so being fat and ugly is not an issue for me though as a normal human being, being envious of other girls' good fortune is nothing unless I choose to be freaking jealous over it then it's not normal already. Im happy in the sense that though my good fortune is not as expensive as their taste in brand (my only so called branded good is a heavily discounted Guess wallet..I still don't have the guts to buy their gorgeous bag..such a simpleton), it actually comes from the kindness of the people around me who shower me with things like free food..haha...coz you know, food doesn't come cheap nowadays too. Oh, and at the end of the day, the bags that they bought? It's also for investment just in case one day, they need the money and they can sell off the bags. And what is one of the things that they will get after selling them off? Why, food of course! At the end of the day, it still comes down to satisfying our basic needs.
Ok fine, Im just trying to console myself there..haha.
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