If anyone has a mum who has temperamental mood swings, I feel you. I mean I really feel bad for you. Everything you do or say is just wrong wrong wrong. It irritates the heck out of me like I don't know what she wants because she tends to go round and round the thorny mulberry bush and then expect me to catch up with her. I try my best to please her but at times, things just go down hill especially when I don't do what she wants me to do or I get the thing wrong blah blah blah...She just can't accept faults. If she wants something, YOU JOLLY WELL GO AND GET THE BLARDY THING.
Sigh...why oh why, do I have to bear with this burden? Dear mum, Im only human. I know you had a difficult childhood especially when your mum treats you like an adult and then you were forced to grow up for survival or out of fear for your own mother who had to go out to work to support the family and then the burden of taking care of the family needs falls on you. I also know that as much as I try my best to be a good daughter, it's just not good enough for you. Infact, that will never happen since you use your own self, in the past, as a guideline on how I should be. But times have changed. You also become more paranoid as you were used to doing things like how your mum expected you to do or you will get hell from her. I have long accepted that but please, don't get so worked up easily. I know you expect me to be very fearful of you and then you think that I have such a nonchalant attitude which frustrates you even more. Like I said, times have changed. I have changed too because Im now an adult and not the child you often beat up if I didn't do things your way. Then, you could vent your frustration through physical abuse and I don't know if the fact that you are not able to do that anymore make things worse for me and you.
But you have no idea how much fear I still bear inside of me that at times, it affects my personal life and how I socialise with others. I feel like it's crippling me.
So
I hope things will improve between us. I will also learn to be less heck care if that is the thing that makes you angry coz I admit, my attitude towards the things around me isn't great. Sorry if I have made you angry but please, do give me a break as well. Sometimes, I feel so helpless.
Sigh...why oh why, do I have to bear with this burden? Dear mum, Im only human. I know you had a difficult childhood especially when your mum treats you like an adult and then you were forced to grow up for survival or out of fear for your own mother who had to go out to work to support the family and then the burden of taking care of the family needs falls on you. I also know that as much as I try my best to be a good daughter, it's just not good enough for you. Infact, that will never happen since you use your own self, in the past, as a guideline on how I should be. But times have changed. You also become more paranoid as you were used to doing things like how your mum expected you to do or you will get hell from her. I have long accepted that but please, don't get so worked up easily. I know you expect me to be very fearful of you and then you think that I have such a nonchalant attitude which frustrates you even more. Like I said, times have changed. I have changed too because Im now an adult and not the child you often beat up if I didn't do things your way. Then, you could vent your frustration through physical abuse and I don't know if the fact that you are not able to do that anymore make things worse for me and you.
But you have no idea how much fear I still bear inside of me that at times, it affects my personal life and how I socialise with others. I feel like it's crippling me.
So
I hope things will improve between us. I will also learn to be less heck care if that is the thing that makes you angry coz I admit, my attitude towards the things around me isn't great. Sorry if I have made you angry but please, do give me a break as well. Sometimes, I feel so helpless.
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