Partly Delusional
Finally, I get to sit down and do some serious blogging stuff. My pay FINALLY came after a long torturous wait and the things I did just to keep living each single day...with money. It was hard...damn hard...and it's already difficult for me to handle it everyday not just in terms of finance but also coz of the problems between my parents and how it's taking a toll on me like im some kind of mediator.
But you know what. I made it. I pulled through...even at the last minute and I thank God for every help that He has offered even if at times, I was angry...at Him for making my life miserable. Well, life is not going to be an easy ride no matter and I may be back in the same sickening cycle. I stood by the thought that we have to do something about it rather than just sit down and do nothing and hope things will improve on its own. It is what kept me going even if I have to make painful sacrifices.
And my mum isnt exactly giving me an easier life too with her daily complains about my father whom she dubbed as a useless bum and about my aunt...and wanting to sell this house away which she had been asking me to call CPF to ask if we are able to sell it off. Im soo....sick.....and tired....of her rantings....often repetitive.....and trust me it is not easy. Like I just wish she stops picking on other people's weaknesses and start living her own life. Not everyone has a happy marriage, not everyone has a husband who loves his wife unconditionally and who looks after his family instead of just living his own solitary life and waiting to be served like he's bedridden or something. And not all of us have their life easy..me included. I just hope she stop using someone else's weakness as a sorry excuse to not lead her life. I also hope my father stop acting like we owe him a living just because he has diabetes. He can still walk..eat...breathe....and he's still a father to a young kid who has not even reached his teens, for God's sake.
My brother hardly knows him as a father while I did have my priviledge growing up as a family when I was a child and in my teens. At least my mum has not stopped her responsibility looking after him and I have not called it quits..yet..as an adult who deserves a more fulfilling life than to just looking after their well-being. Plus, he's the type who couldnt care less about any other things besides having food and drink and some entertainment like tv, computer, internet and his xbox racing games so that helps a bit. In other words, he's not quite a thinker like...why is my family like this...why cant I wear branded stuffs like other kids....but rather, why cant the photos align on my blog?!!
Im angy at my parents everyday for not trying to make their marriage work. How can they just throw their 20 over years of marriage down the drain like that and start fulfilling their role as husband, wife, father and mother respectively. I know my dad will not recover from his diabetes but he's currently taking his medicine and all is quite okay since he's not bedridden either
You know what. Let's put a temporary stop to that for now. Let us...in this one week, not be so overwhelmed by how difficult life is whether in terms of the lack of finance, the lack of love, or the lack of whatever we can think of. Just......dont take it as a lack of brain cells..we need them.
Okay, we shall start writing for good stuffs for at least this week and uhm..me getting started writing back my positive journal to write down even the littlest details as to the good things that happen in life daily.
But you know what. I made it. I pulled through...even at the last minute and I thank God for every help that He has offered even if at times, I was angry...at Him for making my life miserable. Well, life is not going to be an easy ride no matter and I may be back in the same sickening cycle. I stood by the thought that we have to do something about it rather than just sit down and do nothing and hope things will improve on its own. It is what kept me going even if I have to make painful sacrifices.
And my mum isnt exactly giving me an easier life too with her daily complains about my father whom she dubbed as a useless bum and about my aunt...and wanting to sell this house away which she had been asking me to call CPF to ask if we are able to sell it off. Im soo....sick.....and tired....of her rantings....often repetitive.....and trust me it is not easy. Like I just wish she stops picking on other people's weaknesses and start living her own life. Not everyone has a happy marriage, not everyone has a husband who loves his wife unconditionally and who looks after his family instead of just living his own solitary life and waiting to be served like he's bedridden or something. And not all of us have their life easy..me included. I just hope she stop using someone else's weakness as a sorry excuse to not lead her life. I also hope my father stop acting like we owe him a living just because he has diabetes. He can still walk..eat...breathe....and he's still a father to a young kid who has not even reached his teens, for God's sake.
My brother hardly knows him as a father while I did have my priviledge growing up as a family when I was a child and in my teens. At least my mum has not stopped her responsibility looking after him and I have not called it quits..yet..as an adult who deserves a more fulfilling life than to just looking after their well-being. Plus, he's the type who couldnt care less about any other things besides having food and drink and some entertainment like tv, computer, internet and his xbox racing games so that helps a bit. In other words, he's not quite a thinker like...why is my family like this...why cant I wear branded stuffs like other kids....but rather, why cant the photos align on my blog?!!
Im angy at my parents everyday for not trying to make their marriage work. How can they just throw their 20 over years of marriage down the drain like that and start fulfilling their role as husband, wife, father and mother respectively. I know my dad will not recover from his diabetes but he's currently taking his medicine and all is quite okay since he's not bedridden either
You know what. Let's put a temporary stop to that for now. Let us...in this one week, not be so overwhelmed by how difficult life is whether in terms of the lack of finance, the lack of love, or the lack of whatever we can think of. Just......dont take it as a lack of brain cells..we need them.
Okay, we shall start writing for good stuffs for at least this week and uhm..me getting started writing back my positive journal to write down even the littlest details as to the good things that happen in life daily.
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