From Raining to Drizzling

And so it still does rain on me.....

It has been almost a month since I started work at this new place and believe me....it still feels a bit lonesome..almost awkward and I realised it was no longer the case of missing my ex colleagues. That has been put aside a long time ago because I was ready to move on after five years. Now I just think because I felt lonely as I was the only newbie around in the general office and the one who came in before me...came in like five years ago. There was no one to actually hang around like some newbies' club as we learn things together, make mistakes together and basically just bond together.

My colleague told me that it is normal to make mistakes in the first month and she herself had made several mistakes and had been scolded upside down for them. But she said, she didnt take it to heart because all the scoldings were a reminder to her to not let it happen again. I was, so called lucky, in the sense that I had not been scolded badly but...I was reminded gently over some do's and dont's. I know all this is just part of the learning process but no matter what, it still stinks especially when someone of higher authority gave you that gentle reminder. So no matter what, Im still miffed. I know I will just get it over with and see it as nothing eventually but for now, it has left a bit of an aftertaste. And I dont quite like that aftertaste.

I mean come on, you cant be so 100% focused especially when halfway through, you get pretty shagged coz of the ridiculous requests by parents who obviously had too much time at hand despite working. And then you just make a slip of mistake. And because of that one single mistake, it felt that you had done wrong all this time. Now I understand when celebrities who have a good record all this time, fouled up one time, and then that record got tarnished and people forget the extensive charity work done by these celebrities.

Whatever...I just should learn to shrug it off and then move on, eh?

It's okay..one needs a wake up call once in awhile and no matter how stinky it feels being alone and scared at this relatively new working environment, I am still thankful for this opportunity. Starting from this Monday too, I want to take a different approach of how I do things. I dont want to ask them a lot of questions and so far, since the last few days, I had been rather independent and try to figure things out on my own myself although, Im still an office idiot. Okay I know I sound demeaning especially to myself but it's the truth. Im the type who learns quickly but before that happens, I fumble and try to work things out myself especially when using office applications like excel (which apparently is a fav among them..darn it) coz I didnt want to disturb my colleagues too much. They have their own specialised responsibilities while I do the miscellaneous stuffs but still, Im an office idiot. Good thing they will show me how to get what I want out of excel, for example, and then the bulb on top of my head lights up like some kind of new revelation, in seconds.

So I guess you can say Im slowly moving up the rank from being an office idiot to an office..err..girl. Now you think that I may be proficient when it comes to using computers like how I miraculously cure my computer of any hiccups despite panicking like nobody's business such as the recent times when all the icons of my desktop disappeared then managed to restore them back in less than five minutes. But being an ex working field officer, I was not exposed too much to office applications except the school database portal. So trust me, it was quite a minefield for me.

But my colleagues have been very very helpful and I cant thank them enough. If you ask me, it has been quite a major role reversal coz back then in hpb, I was being asked a lot especially when it comes to certain stuffs which I thought they could figure it out on their own but were too lazy to do so. Now it's my turn to ask a lot and not coz I was being lazy as well but I really had no clue coz of obvious lack of experience.

As the weeks passed, my workload has been increasing as well and I am faced with new and ongoing tasks and one of them had been quite traumatising for me..haha. For someone who is pretty disorganized in life, no surprise that this part of me seeped into my work as well when it comes to planning. But I had it rectified when I conveyed my problem to my boss and it turned out that it was because I based it on last year's schedule which fell on a different day which had shorter hours that the current day that I was planning based on this year.


After that, I stopped crying internally and stop imagining myself being thrown out and labelled 'ineffective worker'.

Well, after writing about my work woes, somehow I feel a little less upset than yesterday. Like what I have said earlier, no matter what, life goes on.

And infact, my life has been prolonged and I was this close to facing death and before that, writing my deathwish. Why? Coz it had been a mere wishful thinking that I would get some money this month based on previous years' record and there was no news whatsoever this year regarding such payout. Trust me, it was the only thing that left me hanging on a single piece of hope.

I cant thank God enough for the payout which I eventually received last Thursday even though I miscalculated how much I received..heh. I still could not pay my bills yet with the money I received not coz I was being stingy but need I emphasize to you once again, that I , have not been paid a single cent yet by this organization. Basically this payout will help me to tide over the difficult times that I am having till Apr 12 where I will finally get my much awaited pay.

Well, even if I am getting two months' pay next month, it's not a 'hip hip hooray' kind of thing for me. That simply means, I will still need to x2 the payout for my bills. The only thing that I am pretty happy about is that...my mum will only take half a month's pay coz she said that it is far important to pay the utilities bills. But she is still looking forward to go shopping with the planned $500 that I will be giving her.

Mums.

Anyway, that will give me a bit of spare cash and Im not going to go on a shopping spree with it (though buying a pair of low heels wouldn't kill..or a top from Mango). I will try my best to keep them as savings. Yes, do note that 'try my best' bit because trust me, I know the meaning of life is so unpredictable.

And apparently April is also a month of 'money! money! money!' coz the government decided that us people...are almost dying from the hike in prices of things in general especially every day items like bread. It's not much but trust my killer budget sense, heh...I can try to stretch that $150 even if it means walking about ten minutes to my work place instead of taking a bus or sacrificing lunch for a cup of oatmeal or throwing out unnecessary items out of the grocery basket..with unnecessary crying.

Well, next week will be a whole new different month and let's all begin the month by stepping out on the right foot. Although I still predict getting out of bed to get ready for work is still going to be difficult..no matter in what month.

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