Dysfunctional
My family is getting more and more dysfunctional and my mum is just hating my father more and more each day too. And I can get stressed out a bit with her complaining about my father and how financially inadequate I can be which worries me every single day. I still hold on to the belief that as long as I do things right and find means to make ends meet, then I believe I can support my family still in ways that I can even if I have to make sacrifices every now and then. I also believe God is with me every step that I take even if it is just a small blessing but I feel blessed nevertheless.
However, the best thing to do right now....is just to relax every time I accomplish something that I have not done before but for the sake of the family, I am willing to just grin and bear with it. Im not gonna list in details what I have done but let's just say, the sacrifice is a bit worth it coz I dont owe anybody even though that is the quickest solution. It's the quickest but not necessarily the best and i may end up being in even more trouble in what I'd like to call.....as a vicious cycle as it will never end.
Okay, enough about that. Right now, my other concern is my health. I may be mindful over what I eat and snacking, which used to be my favourite past time, has taken a backseat. But the thing about my blood type is that we crave for sugar. I dont mean sweets or lollipops but usually....sweet stuffs and even though I occasionally eat chocos, cakes or drink sweet drinks, I worry that this week, since the start of hari raya, I have been eating slices of cakes given by my colleague and my mum's friend. I mean I dont eat them every day but just every other day except the cookies, I may eat like three or four pieces but these are not inclusive of the ones I eat in the office courtesy of my other colleagues. Then after work and at home, i will continue to munch on the cookies like again, four pieces but usually i dont eat dinner and just eat bread so that is like pretty much okay...I guess. Then again, sugar has this funny thing of creeping into your life.
But......I still dont think it's good for me and I think this week, I will have to completely give up on eating those cakes. There's not much cookies left to eat so I think that will be alright too. Now why this concern? Okay, I dont have diabetes but I have a family history where my late grandma had it and my father too. Unfortunately, I share the same blood type as his which is B+ which has the tendency to not be so good and the skin usually suffers.
I may take months to recover from a certain itch spot which tends to spread a bit and it can even take a year before I fully recover from it until the scar can hardly be seen. Even ointments and lotions dont work whether from a private GP or the polyclinic and it can even aggravate it and make it worse so I somehow given up on it already. I just let it naturally heal which is not easy coz that will mean I will have to avoid eating and when I do try to minimize sugar, I cant totally avoid it. It will be okay but then my body can only take so much and it sends me this warning signal by aggravating the itchy spots...which are currently on some of my fingers....which willl then itch like nobody's business and then stop. However, that is enough to cause this slight bleeding with some water. I feel disgusted not just by looking at it but as Im typing this.
So...sighz...I told my mum that this entire week, I need a break from those cakes and to finally work on my fitness...a.k.a....gym sessions coz Im starting to feel this little knot in my knee as I climb up stairs. Plus, it will be a waste putting on the kilos again after losing them a bit from controlled dieting from the fasting month.
And I also need to 'pay back' the slight binging that I did...though not a bad one....due to stress. Yes, I have the tendency to binge when Im under stress but I have to seriously control my mind to stop my hand and my inner thoughts from grabbing whatever I can see and thinking too much about food or more specifically, what to eat next. Good thing it may just be a mini phase for over a day or two and then I will sorta pay back for wat I have eaten by eating less the next few days. Trust me, that is a worse punishment. It's almost like going through a cold turkey session. But I have to do it and not because Im so concerned about my weight or for the sake of vanity but basically, for health reason.
To me, tat tortourous day begins...sighz..tomorrow until friday...sighz...............
Welcome to Paradise.
However, the best thing to do right now....is just to relax every time I accomplish something that I have not done before but for the sake of the family, I am willing to just grin and bear with it. Im not gonna list in details what I have done but let's just say, the sacrifice is a bit worth it coz I dont owe anybody even though that is the quickest solution. It's the quickest but not necessarily the best and i may end up being in even more trouble in what I'd like to call.....as a vicious cycle as it will never end.
Okay, enough about that. Right now, my other concern is my health. I may be mindful over what I eat and snacking, which used to be my favourite past time, has taken a backseat. But the thing about my blood type is that we crave for sugar. I dont mean sweets or lollipops but usually....sweet stuffs and even though I occasionally eat chocos, cakes or drink sweet drinks, I worry that this week, since the start of hari raya, I have been eating slices of cakes given by my colleague and my mum's friend. I mean I dont eat them every day but just every other day except the cookies, I may eat like three or four pieces but these are not inclusive of the ones I eat in the office courtesy of my other colleagues. Then after work and at home, i will continue to munch on the cookies like again, four pieces but usually i dont eat dinner and just eat bread so that is like pretty much okay...I guess. Then again, sugar has this funny thing of creeping into your life.
But......I still dont think it's good for me and I think this week, I will have to completely give up on eating those cakes. There's not much cookies left to eat so I think that will be alright too. Now why this concern? Okay, I dont have diabetes but I have a family history where my late grandma had it and my father too. Unfortunately, I share the same blood type as his which is B+ which has the tendency to not be so good and the skin usually suffers.
I may take months to recover from a certain itch spot which tends to spread a bit and it can even take a year before I fully recover from it until the scar can hardly be seen. Even ointments and lotions dont work whether from a private GP or the polyclinic and it can even aggravate it and make it worse so I somehow given up on it already. I just let it naturally heal which is not easy coz that will mean I will have to avoid eating and when I do try to minimize sugar, I cant totally avoid it. It will be okay but then my body can only take so much and it sends me this warning signal by aggravating the itchy spots...which are currently on some of my fingers....which willl then itch like nobody's business and then stop. However, that is enough to cause this slight bleeding with some water. I feel disgusted not just by looking at it but as Im typing this.
So...sighz...I told my mum that this entire week, I need a break from those cakes and to finally work on my fitness...a.k.a....gym sessions coz Im starting to feel this little knot in my knee as I climb up stairs. Plus, it will be a waste putting on the kilos again after losing them a bit from controlled dieting from the fasting month.
And I also need to 'pay back' the slight binging that I did...though not a bad one....due to stress. Yes, I have the tendency to binge when Im under stress but I have to seriously control my mind to stop my hand and my inner thoughts from grabbing whatever I can see and thinking too much about food or more specifically, what to eat next. Good thing it may just be a mini phase for over a day or two and then I will sorta pay back for wat I have eaten by eating less the next few days. Trust me, that is a worse punishment. It's almost like going through a cold turkey session. But I have to do it and not because Im so concerned about my weight or for the sake of vanity but basically, for health reason.
To me, tat tortourous day begins...sighz..tomorrow until friday...sighz...............
Welcome to Paradise.
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