oh my goodness...i miss blogging about stuffs! and then JUST as I was about to start embarking on this hobby of mine which is suffering from my lack of enthusiasm due to illness...an old friend of mine had to chat with me for two hours over the net. righhht..............when im just online doing nothing but surf net all the way, and he's online...didn't cross his mind to chat with me.
Anyway, I admit I have been suffering from some work related stress which at times, put me in a difficult spot by making me look at the world from a dull point of view. Everything was so boring and so mundane that I did think there was no point for me to carry on living since there was nothing here for me but it was just me for them all the way. Honestly, I do feel a bit crappy at times like why I feel so stuck at one spot that I forsee myself not putting myself in such spot anymore even if it means sacrificing any hopes of love or interests because I don want to end up like this in the future. While a typical girl can forsee herself getting married in the future, having babies and then children to take care of and a husband to serve their every needs, I feel like I have had enough of such family affairs. To know that it is not an easy job taking care of family needs at an age like this where I should be out there socializing and making new friends and seeking potential love interests, I guess it made me more and more pessimistic about starting my own family.
I don't know what am I going to do now. I cant seem to move forward like I have intended to do so this year as if Im stuck in a crisis but I feel so immobilized. Is that it? Is this Rahayu's preview of her life to come in 5 to 10 years' time?
So I guess it's not just about work huh? It's about my whole freaking personal life going downhill I suppose? Well........................despite my pessimistic point of view regarding my future life, I still have to go on.
Anyhoo, despite looking like a sick cow the past few days even with my daily ritual of light makeup that conceals and enhances just a tad bit every morning, today I broke out a bit from that mould. Thanks to my 'im sick but die die have to go gym' kind of attitude yesterday that relieved me of my stress and made me fall asleep much earlier than the past few days (remember? 4am?) . But I could barely stand up straight in the train coz I felt like the lower half of my body was going to rip apart. Really! I was fine and dandy earlier...UNTIL...I got into the train and I felt so wuzzy and felt so much pain I was practically wriggling around and hugging myself so tightly that I thought I might have tricked people into thinking what flat tummy I had from all that squeezing.
The funny thing was that there was this rather cute guy from first glance (heh..I LOVE that time of the day where all the good looking chinese laptop touting men were out from office) standing there at first when I came in near the left side of the door. The right side of the door was taken by someone else who reached there first so I had the central door to lean on only. I had never tried to lean on it coz my heavy weight would force open the door and push me out to lessen its burden. But it was a die die situation. Either I lean on it or I'd just faint and be resuscitated by one of them good lookers with the kiss of life...come to think of it..OH MAN! Should have gone for the second option! See lah...if you're in pain, ur brain stops working.
Okay why I said funny...HE thought that Im some kind of fun casual type of girl perhaps who looked like I just came out from office but behaving like some fidgeting teenager. I was leaning but not quite straight with my feet sliding down and then up again and then down again...after that I noticed that he was started to fidget too in his spot while playing his sony playstation despite being in a smart casual work outfit. There were times that he too leaned on the doorway and then right beside me and then back up again and slid right back close beside me again for a few minutes. Sometimes so close that if the mrt was to jerk even a tad bit, he would fall on me. It was if he was joining in the fun too. I was in pain lah you asshole! Im not trying to seduce anyone there or YOU even. But if that got your attention, do I have to work THAT hard again to gain the attention of them men?! Tsk..
Too bad I was too much in pain that I could barely glance at him without feeling a bit woozy if I tried to look up and around. Lucky I didn't look appealing enough coz my face had never looked so bloated and my hair looked so limp. Sick or not..I had to bathe but I added a few extras like using a hair mask and a face mask which I usually reserve on the weekend as they take more time. But still, no improvement and Im not doing that for the sake of vanity. I had to coordinate with strangers so I could not be looking like an extra from a zombie film set. Anyway, I gave up and just went with the flow especially on that last day of field visit at a certain school and who cares if we were gonna have lunch at Far East Plaza since there was a direct bus there which would also take us back to office. Goodbye potential love interests. Goodbye cute guys....rahayu cant afford to look at you with her sickly face.
Funny thing was...when I gave up, I actually looked better two days later. I didn't feel like my nose was too clogged up or too runny but quite bearable. Yes, the mucus is still alive and well and my voice is still really bad but I think I may be better over the weekend. I didnt quite bother to look at the mirror at all until we finished our field visit at another school and was gonna take the mrt back to office. So as usual, I went to the toilet to look at the mirror to check for any boogers or dried mucus. Well the face may suck but my reputation is still at stake here. Surprisingly, I thought I looked different. Hrm....different in the sense that my face was slowly looking less sickly and my hair was all poofy. For a second I thought I looked hot but yah tat will never happen sick or not...heh heh..I think even my new partner noticed something different that when we went to the toilet together back in the office and standing near the mirror, she was like 'rahayu, you are so fair'. haha..that's a new revelation.
Well, today I looked better too probably coz it is the weekend and I am NOT working. I could hardly tell I was sick when looking in the mirror already. Still, that doesn't mean spiritually Im well again. But this being a new month, I am hoping that I will feel a little bit less stressed out from now onwards by not thinking too much about things that get me down. We all can let the hair down at times but if we want to survive, partying all the time and seeking fun all the time too is not a good thing. There is no short cut in getting what we want even if it is gonna take us quite a long time to satisfy even the simplest desire. No point dwelling on the past but time to think about the future. If life is so easy, I'll be married to Jensen Ackles by now..the cutie from the show Supernatural...and become the willing mistress of David Caruso. Oh, and having loads of cash and living in Miami.
Yup, rahayu is still sick and still losing her precious sleep coz of temporary case of imsomnia and thus, the wild dreams. But im not kidding about me not gonna think about the things that get me down very easily and Im just gonna go through the motion and get it over and done with so I can have my precious 'me' time without resorting to losing sleeping hours. Yup, it CAN be done..and I know I can do it.
Anyway, I admit I have been suffering from some work related stress which at times, put me in a difficult spot by making me look at the world from a dull point of view. Everything was so boring and so mundane that I did think there was no point for me to carry on living since there was nothing here for me but it was just me for them all the way. Honestly, I do feel a bit crappy at times like why I feel so stuck at one spot that I forsee myself not putting myself in such spot anymore even if it means sacrificing any hopes of love or interests because I don want to end up like this in the future. While a typical girl can forsee herself getting married in the future, having babies and then children to take care of and a husband to serve their every needs, I feel like I have had enough of such family affairs. To know that it is not an easy job taking care of family needs at an age like this where I should be out there socializing and making new friends and seeking potential love interests, I guess it made me more and more pessimistic about starting my own family.
I don't know what am I going to do now. I cant seem to move forward like I have intended to do so this year as if Im stuck in a crisis but I feel so immobilized. Is that it? Is this Rahayu's preview of her life to come in 5 to 10 years' time?
So I guess it's not just about work huh? It's about my whole freaking personal life going downhill I suppose? Well........................despite my pessimistic point of view regarding my future life, I still have to go on.
Anyhoo, despite looking like a sick cow the past few days even with my daily ritual of light makeup that conceals and enhances just a tad bit every morning, today I broke out a bit from that mould. Thanks to my 'im sick but die die have to go gym' kind of attitude yesterday that relieved me of my stress and made me fall asleep much earlier than the past few days (remember? 4am?) . But I could barely stand up straight in the train coz I felt like the lower half of my body was going to rip apart. Really! I was fine and dandy earlier...UNTIL...I got into the train and I felt so wuzzy and felt so much pain I was practically wriggling around and hugging myself so tightly that I thought I might have tricked people into thinking what flat tummy I had from all that squeezing.
The funny thing was that there was this rather cute guy from first glance (heh..I LOVE that time of the day where all the good looking chinese laptop touting men were out from office) standing there at first when I came in near the left side of the door. The right side of the door was taken by someone else who reached there first so I had the central door to lean on only. I had never tried to lean on it coz my heavy weight would force open the door and push me out to lessen its burden. But it was a die die situation. Either I lean on it or I'd just faint and be resuscitated by one of them good lookers with the kiss of life...come to think of it..OH MAN! Should have gone for the second option! See lah...if you're in pain, ur brain stops working.
Okay why I said funny...HE thought that Im some kind of fun casual type of girl perhaps who looked like I just came out from office but behaving like some fidgeting teenager. I was leaning but not quite straight with my feet sliding down and then up again and then down again...after that I noticed that he was started to fidget too in his spot while playing his sony playstation despite being in a smart casual work outfit. There were times that he too leaned on the doorway and then right beside me and then back up again and slid right back close beside me again for a few minutes. Sometimes so close that if the mrt was to jerk even a tad bit, he would fall on me. It was if he was joining in the fun too. I was in pain lah you asshole! Im not trying to seduce anyone there or YOU even. But if that got your attention, do I have to work THAT hard again to gain the attention of them men?! Tsk..
Too bad I was too much in pain that I could barely glance at him without feeling a bit woozy if I tried to look up and around. Lucky I didn't look appealing enough coz my face had never looked so bloated and my hair looked so limp. Sick or not..I had to bathe but I added a few extras like using a hair mask and a face mask which I usually reserve on the weekend as they take more time. But still, no improvement and Im not doing that for the sake of vanity. I had to coordinate with strangers so I could not be looking like an extra from a zombie film set. Anyway, I gave up and just went with the flow especially on that last day of field visit at a certain school and who cares if we were gonna have lunch at Far East Plaza since there was a direct bus there which would also take us back to office. Goodbye potential love interests. Goodbye cute guys....rahayu cant afford to look at you with her sickly face.
Funny thing was...when I gave up, I actually looked better two days later. I didn't feel like my nose was too clogged up or too runny but quite bearable. Yes, the mucus is still alive and well and my voice is still really bad but I think I may be better over the weekend. I didnt quite bother to look at the mirror at all until we finished our field visit at another school and was gonna take the mrt back to office. So as usual, I went to the toilet to look at the mirror to check for any boogers or dried mucus. Well the face may suck but my reputation is still at stake here. Surprisingly, I thought I looked different. Hrm....different in the sense that my face was slowly looking less sickly and my hair was all poofy. For a second I thought I looked hot but yah tat will never happen sick or not...heh heh..I think even my new partner noticed something different that when we went to the toilet together back in the office and standing near the mirror, she was like 'rahayu, you are so fair'. haha..that's a new revelation.
Well, today I looked better too probably coz it is the weekend and I am NOT working. I could hardly tell I was sick when looking in the mirror already. Still, that doesn't mean spiritually Im well again. But this being a new month, I am hoping that I will feel a little bit less stressed out from now onwards by not thinking too much about things that get me down. We all can let the hair down at times but if we want to survive, partying all the time and seeking fun all the time too is not a good thing. There is no short cut in getting what we want even if it is gonna take us quite a long time to satisfy even the simplest desire. No point dwelling on the past but time to think about the future. If life is so easy, I'll be married to Jensen Ackles by now..the cutie from the show Supernatural...and become the willing mistress of David Caruso. Oh, and having loads of cash and living in Miami.
Yup, rahayu is still sick and still losing her precious sleep coz of temporary case of imsomnia and thus, the wild dreams. But im not kidding about me not gonna think about the things that get me down very easily and Im just gonna go through the motion and get it over and done with so I can have my precious 'me' time without resorting to losing sleeping hours. Yup, it CAN be done..and I know I can do it.
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