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Drowsy

Would you believe..I just broke my vow. I vowed not to take mc this freakin' year and guess what..I just HAD to look like a red cooked lobster which is growing wart-like thick patches of rashes on the skin at an unbelievable rate. And the last time I had seafood was yonks ago.


Well, I don't know wat part of my guts brought me to that forbidden clinic. I only had that one thought that hey...it's just rashes so I'll get over it even though by then they had crept up to my face, that it was already majorly embarassing for me to look up and face the crowd in the same train. It brought back memories where i used to get so paranoid over people..especially the women...who just so happened to look at my really bad skin around my feet area and stared and stared at it. It was nightmare. Even though the rashes didnt look so obvious on my face...yet...it was turning reddish raw in colour like I OD on the blusher. I guess that that was the ultimatum which 'cured' me of my docphobia. Metrosexual looking doctor always with filmsy shirt untucked and the top button unbuttoned like he just came out from some gay pub.....didnt help either prior to this. But my vanity was at stake...so.............that is the story on why the heck I am on mc today which technically was given only yesterday even though I told the doctor I went to work before this visit. I guessed he figured..pffft......how DID you manage to go to work for the past two days looking like a mess so let me save you by giving you the mc which is only due tomorrow. And coz I thought you're a nice gal and I like you even though you thought im gay.


Anyway, Im right back to feeling clueless. I feel so stuck that anything that i try to do in order to improve on my general life seems to backfire which sinks me down faster than Titanic with Kate Winslet on it. Everything seems so dull and boring nowadays not just my life and if I so happened to be one of those 'take short cut people'...i wouldn't even be writing now. I guess Im just meant to be like this for a bloody long time so like it or not, I have to get accustomed to it. I dont plan to start a family of my own now..or never even..so I just have to learn to not do things that will make me change my mind. Dont worry about me..im pro family...and pro life...but why continue cheating on yourself just because you are told to be like others who have painted a life so beautiful, people are generally sucked into it. They wont even know it can spell trouble or disaster for them instead.


Oh my gawd...what the hell they gave me for medicine? ICE? Im like so freakin drowsy right now that I just want to sleep. So now Mother Nature knows about my obssession to sleep so freakin late at night till past 4.3o recently that she gave me this rashes as a wake up call. See! I did it again! I closed my eyes unconsciously and was halfway through slumberland when I woke up suddenly. Then U tube is slower than usual now too which didnt let me view some clips from some past shows which I suspect is also part of the big f**kin deal that rahayu needs to have her precious sleep.


Okay, so sleep does make me look better the next day. Man..Im dozing off again! Ok! Ok! I get your point! I'll stop writing now..geessh...

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