Ghost of Our Past

Heya. What a week and for the next few days I will be away from my workplace to attend a course and for a day off. Yay!

I recently met up with this one friend again and I don't know how to put it but I think she's feeling pretty jaded in regard to our friendship and I honestly think we are not going anywhere. Actually it is not just recently but I just felt that it has gotten worse. I just wish that she doesn't compare me to her other friends who obviously have more choice of freedom than me who is eternally tied to my family so long as I'm still in the best of my health.

I know that my life is pretty limited because of my family responsibilities especially my mum as she can be rather neurotic and also controlling. But she still cares for us and fuss over our needs. The fact that she is very reluctant to let me travel overseas because she can't afford to lose me as I'm the only sole breadwinner. My friend asked me then when can I travel to see the world? When I'm in my forties? Fifties?!

I couldn't care less. Even if I'm off that age, I believe Europe is still there...Australia is still there. Plus even my mum let me travel, I don't have the moolah. It ain't cheap to travel. Even for my upcoming trip to KL, I have to wait until bonus time so I can stash some money for it.

My friend also commented that I've travelled overseas with my other friends but not her. Er, honestly I don't wanna go with her. Even for our coffee dates, which she never paid her for half share by the way, it is so freakin' boring!! She would people watch and make comments about them and make me turn every now and then to look at them.

I honestly think it is rather rude like you are with a friend and suppose to try making conversations with her but you are more interested seeing how tall or skinny a girl is or how 'auntie' she looks like from her dressing. I know she has her insecurities, like I do too, but really, does she have to point them out every now and then?

I am used to her antics and especially her blatant remarks pertaining to my life. I don't really care and don't take to heart whatever she says. Honestly I don't have time to listen to people who don't even listen to me. I feel that I am kind enough to agree to go out with her, albeit reluctantly, because of the years of friendship that we have and I know that she is not about to give up on that too.

Sometimes I do wish she can be a little bit more understanding. And also because she also have her fair share of family problems so I expected her to know how it is for me too when it comes to family. Unfortunately she doesn't.

But whatever it is, I just let it slide coz that's her personality; feisty, independent and don't take excuses type. Still, I'm her friend for so many years and I do expect some form of understanding instead of always thinking she is always right.

Tell me, what can I do? She used to be supportive in the past but now I felt that she has changed quite a lot which I guessed coz of the people she mix around with.

I wish all her best and even if our friendship turns sour, I will treasure the good memories that we have. For now our friendship is just a ghost of our past.

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