I definitely think that I had been quite affected by my surroundings and got distracted halfway. I have always admired some people especially ladies around my age group who just look good in whatever they wear even if it is just wearing a well fitted jeans. Hey forget about my age group. The group above mine..even with a family of small children, they dont look like they piled on pounds despite bearing more than one children even. And if you think they're celebrities who can afford luxury slimming treatments for free, you're not even close. THey are real people...people you see on the streets, in the bus, in your neighbourhood or even the supermarkets. At a few points of my life, when I see these hot mamas or well dressed mamas...and look at myself, I'd be thinking..I was the one who looked like I am married and have ten children, not them! They look as mighty fine as ever.
Heck, even my age group..of no matter what size, exudes a sense of charisma and self confidence that people are just admiring them for their youthfulness. Their great fashion taste also contributes to the overall 'feel good' factor that you wonder, where did they get their ideas from. Even though now, I still look around for fashion tips like I think denim skirts are so hot and the colour hot pink..oh..and well fitted three quarter jeans...I kinda recalled the times when I couldn't mix and match anything or wear what I fancy..coz know what? Im just so darn fat. From loving blue..I became personal with black coz black is a big girl's best friend to hide all those flabs. And the bigger the outfit is, the better it is coz it would hide my flaws too even though that same top can be seen worn by a lady twice my age. I mean..what can I do? I couldn't even wear a ladies blouse from Giordano, for instance, but end up with a man's t shirt coz I couldn't fit the blouse. And it would usually be the men's section that I would look at in a unisex clothing store coz they probably have my size.
You'd think I'd be happier now that I have more nice clothes to wear as I don't feel all squeezy or snugged with my fats bulging in all directions possible like before. Okay, you are right. But during the initial 'black period' moments, when I felt so lethargic...so 'not me'....I wasn't happy. I looked at my old photos and I wanted to revert back to it. I tot I was happier then. Or so i thought.
I admit it. I sidetracked. A lot. Can you imagine if my friend Angie who, amidst her busy workload, would come out and rescue me from making a vow to myself to start eating 'normally' again the next day? Yes, as crazy as it sounds, having lived with a huge lack of self confidence, thanks to me thinking too much about my body hung ups, and then slowly becoming more 'sassy' and confident, I wanted to get back to my old days. I didn't know what went through my mind..maybe I didn't eat that much. Maybe I got stressed out from all the unnecessary thinking. Maybe this..maybe that..
When my colleague left work earlier taking urgent half day leave, I was left alone to go for lunch before reporting back to work. I thought about what to eat...but suddenly, i got a brainwave that hey..since there is no one to eat with me, then I will choose NOT to eat! I'd probably grab a sandwich from delifrance then head back if I am darn hungry. BUt since there is no colleague..which is an excuse for me NOT to eat..might as well take up this 'golden' opportunity.
So I went round bugis junction hoping to find a nice place to eat. But after walking almost half an hour..and me scrutinizing over every possible choices, I just couldn't help but not eat. In a way, true...I dont look at snacks like the Old Chang Kee anymore like a 'must have'...I don't eat cheeseburger almost everytime I buy mcdonald's food back...and yeah...I don't see chocolates as a necessity to put inside my handbags. In other words, I don't see the need to snack if it is going to put unnecessary kgs on me.
Doesn't this sound like a good thing? It does right, but if your brain is cloudy up there, everything don't seem right. I saw it as a bad thing. I saw it as a bad influence others have on me like they want me to be slim...even though come to think of it, no one ever pestered me to lose weight. They didn't comment either if I put on weight or what...but my cloudy brain says that I have been 'forced' into this diet regime even though it was my original intention that I want to be healthier.
Suddenly, I tot that I was happier then like eating as and when I like. But I forgot. I forgot how miserable I felt after that. I forgot how depressed I was whenever someone lost weight while I gained weight. I forgot how ill disciplined i was with food sometimes by eating more than 5 times. Oh, and I even forgot how clothes just don't fit me and I end up wearing the same ol' boring 'auntie' clothes over and over again since there were onlie a few of those that could hide my body flaws.
In other words, I should be happier now. I should congratulate myself by patting myself on the back saying 'you go, girl!' instead of being gloomy while people have been giving me endless positive comments about how i did 'it'. Err..losing weight I mean...coz they want to be like me. Be like me? No one ever said that to me..so why the heck did I feel so down?!!!!
Whatever it is..I forgot why am I on this journey in the first place. Like I've said earlier on, and what my friend said to me...(that's you, angie!) I put myself in this journey. No one did. I was the one who was determined to make the changes..no one bribed me. I should be glad..reallie glad..that after the end of the week after the gathering where i never felt so liberated to start eating again, I managed to lose the weight I put on. I lost focus at that point of time. I tot I was trying to lose weight coz I wanted to give them a different view of me. But I never intended for that. They were never the driving force behind my 'I want to be healthier' motto. My ol' secondary buddies never remarked also how I put on so much weight ever since leaving secondary school.
So, after I saw them or my secondary buddies, I forgot that why I wanted to change my new image was not coz of them. Therefore I didn't understand why I tot of eating like 'normal' since I met them already what. I puzzled myself sometimes but thank goodness, I didn't let that thought linger for long.
Therefore, I am now proud to say that yes..I lost that 1.5kg of weight from my post gathering food binges. I start to eat healthier again and eating much less on weekend since I don't have to eat lunch for the sake of accompanying my partner so it's up to me if i want to eat lunch or not. So, I should be happy right? Yeah..no doubt about. Check out my pic of me when I was in my heaviest (2003) and the one taken just days ago.
2003..a week after my 22nd bdae. (Gawd i hate to reveal my real age!)
I am the one in pink.
2006...when I am 24 (technically 25 but since it ain't my bdae yet...)
And this was just me like what...exactly a month ago in 2006?!! GAH!!..all the stress and pretty focused diet and exercise regime made me look so different in just a month! what the hell..
Great...no wonder I was so fatigued. I am not joking when I onlie noticed the difference while looking at the pics taken in feb and the one taken last wednesday onlie. Oh well..rahayu..u have done me proud!
Heck, even my age group..of no matter what size, exudes a sense of charisma and self confidence that people are just admiring them for their youthfulness. Their great fashion taste also contributes to the overall 'feel good' factor that you wonder, where did they get their ideas from. Even though now, I still look around for fashion tips like I think denim skirts are so hot and the colour hot pink..oh..and well fitted three quarter jeans...I kinda recalled the times when I couldn't mix and match anything or wear what I fancy..coz know what? Im just so darn fat. From loving blue..I became personal with black coz black is a big girl's best friend to hide all those flabs. And the bigger the outfit is, the better it is coz it would hide my flaws too even though that same top can be seen worn by a lady twice my age. I mean..what can I do? I couldn't even wear a ladies blouse from Giordano, for instance, but end up with a man's t shirt coz I couldn't fit the blouse. And it would usually be the men's section that I would look at in a unisex clothing store coz they probably have my size.
You'd think I'd be happier now that I have more nice clothes to wear as I don't feel all squeezy or snugged with my fats bulging in all directions possible like before. Okay, you are right. But during the initial 'black period' moments, when I felt so lethargic...so 'not me'....I wasn't happy. I looked at my old photos and I wanted to revert back to it. I tot I was happier then. Or so i thought.
I admit it. I sidetracked. A lot. Can you imagine if my friend Angie who, amidst her busy workload, would come out and rescue me from making a vow to myself to start eating 'normally' again the next day? Yes, as crazy as it sounds, having lived with a huge lack of self confidence, thanks to me thinking too much about my body hung ups, and then slowly becoming more 'sassy' and confident, I wanted to get back to my old days. I didn't know what went through my mind..maybe I didn't eat that much. Maybe I got stressed out from all the unnecessary thinking. Maybe this..maybe that..
When my colleague left work earlier taking urgent half day leave, I was left alone to go for lunch before reporting back to work. I thought about what to eat...but suddenly, i got a brainwave that hey..since there is no one to eat with me, then I will choose NOT to eat! I'd probably grab a sandwich from delifrance then head back if I am darn hungry. BUt since there is no colleague..which is an excuse for me NOT to eat..might as well take up this 'golden' opportunity.
So I went round bugis junction hoping to find a nice place to eat. But after walking almost half an hour..and me scrutinizing over every possible choices, I just couldn't help but not eat. In a way, true...I dont look at snacks like the Old Chang Kee anymore like a 'must have'...I don't eat cheeseburger almost everytime I buy mcdonald's food back...and yeah...I don't see chocolates as a necessity to put inside my handbags. In other words, I don't see the need to snack if it is going to put unnecessary kgs on me.
Doesn't this sound like a good thing? It does right, but if your brain is cloudy up there, everything don't seem right. I saw it as a bad thing. I saw it as a bad influence others have on me like they want me to be slim...even though come to think of it, no one ever pestered me to lose weight. They didn't comment either if I put on weight or what...but my cloudy brain says that I have been 'forced' into this diet regime even though it was my original intention that I want to be healthier.
Suddenly, I tot that I was happier then like eating as and when I like. But I forgot. I forgot how miserable I felt after that. I forgot how depressed I was whenever someone lost weight while I gained weight. I forgot how ill disciplined i was with food sometimes by eating more than 5 times. Oh, and I even forgot how clothes just don't fit me and I end up wearing the same ol' boring 'auntie' clothes over and over again since there were onlie a few of those that could hide my body flaws.
In other words, I should be happier now. I should congratulate myself by patting myself on the back saying 'you go, girl!' instead of being gloomy while people have been giving me endless positive comments about how i did 'it'. Err..losing weight I mean...coz they want to be like me. Be like me? No one ever said that to me..so why the heck did I feel so down?!!!!
Whatever it is..I forgot why am I on this journey in the first place. Like I've said earlier on, and what my friend said to me...(that's you, angie!) I put myself in this journey. No one did. I was the one who was determined to make the changes..no one bribed me. I should be glad..reallie glad..that after the end of the week after the gathering where i never felt so liberated to start eating again, I managed to lose the weight I put on. I lost focus at that point of time. I tot I was trying to lose weight coz I wanted to give them a different view of me. But I never intended for that. They were never the driving force behind my 'I want to be healthier' motto. My ol' secondary buddies never remarked also how I put on so much weight ever since leaving secondary school.
So, after I saw them or my secondary buddies, I forgot that why I wanted to change my new image was not coz of them. Therefore I didn't understand why I tot of eating like 'normal' since I met them already what. I puzzled myself sometimes but thank goodness, I didn't let that thought linger for long.
Therefore, I am now proud to say that yes..I lost that 1.5kg of weight from my post gathering food binges. I start to eat healthier again and eating much less on weekend since I don't have to eat lunch for the sake of accompanying my partner so it's up to me if i want to eat lunch or not. So, I should be happy right? Yeah..no doubt about. Check out my pic of me when I was in my heaviest (2003) and the one taken just days ago.
2003..a week after my 22nd bdae. (Gawd i hate to reveal my real age!)
I am the one in pink.
2006...when I am 24 (technically 25 but since it ain't my bdae yet...)
And this was just me like what...exactly a month ago in 2006?!! GAH!!..all the stress and pretty focused diet and exercise regime made me look so different in just a month! what the hell..
Great...no wonder I was so fatigued. I am not joking when I onlie noticed the difference while looking at the pics taken in feb and the one taken last wednesday onlie. Oh well..rahayu..u have done me proud!
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