"NAPFA test was a killer for me"
I just read this article written by a concerned mother over the TAF programme conducted at her son's school. I can understand her son's agony of attending the programme, which stands for Trim and Fit, for overweight children, because I personally shunned the idea of the programme since back in primary school. Though I would dare say I managed to talk, lie, hide...whateva....to run away from this horrible horrible thing, somehow your past will catch up on you. So, sighz...there I was in pre-U, doing that thang....in the third year, and I just hated being associated as one of those who had to sweat when the rest were just doing their own stuffs such as relaxing during the lunch hour before the next lesson. Eurgh...
But thankfully, the ones who had to be enlisted in this programme, they were a fun bunch. Hey, who says fat people can't have fun?!! Though we came in different sizes, when it comes to laughing ourselves silly when we played one of the ball sports like basketball, it was truly a fun workout. But hated those scheming plans thought of by the 'young'..yawnz....'aspiring'...yawnz...'energetic'........*snores* which looked sport on in making our school of having the worst inspired exercise regime on the fitness map. Unfortunately, our school DID a high fitness level among our students among other schools. ARGH!!! Where is justice?!!!
So, the previous expressionless, cold and stone-hearted..(not forgetting..ageing) PE teachers were so amazed at this high achievement and at the same time, decided to spice their own fitness routines based on the ever charismatic new PE teachers. Look, I said charismatic coz they were popular among the students, i meant those that already fit enough to begin with, for spicing things up a bit and making things a bit challenging for them. Plus, they were more friendly and were looked up as a mentor. Ahhh....non of those boring ol' routines again. But unfit people like me? It onlie served to be a strong driving factor in making us avoid PE for life. Or until we leave school.
Nobody can imagine the hardship I had to go through for every PE lesson and every TAF club lesson. Who is crazy enough to make us run the entire school and up and down the four level of staircases as well as the climb the steep slopes at least 10 times?!! Everyone almost drop dead...I thought I saw light at the end of the tunnel. Or maybe coz I was always the last one so its probably flashes of people passing by me (not forgetting our PE shirts were half white too). But I was partially thankful that the new me then would try to endure such physical torture for my own good and even though I was huffing and puffing...and dragging myself through every passing round, I imagined myself being trimmer at the end of the day. Then, just as I successfully cloud myself with happie thoughts, I was dropped with another bomb. I was going to get a new PE teacher. To me, it was like great....more torture.
I must admit that he was not as bad as the previous one, who tought that his witty yet humorous sarcasm could enlighten anyone. (ha ha...oh my gosh, am i actually 'laughing' at his joke?). But damn it, why can't PE teachers be like guardian angels who actually lift you up from your misery by saying 'come come my child, being well...over the supposed weight limit, is simply a myth. you are what you are...chubby or not. This is onlie to make you healthier....hrm..in that, let's do yoga for the rest of the year.' Now this PE teacher started a specific club, on TOP of our current TAF club, to ensure the school population would attain more than 90% passes for the NAPFA programme. WOW...*clap..clap..clap*
Not surprisingly, I was enlisted. You should see his pure determination in making us, the failures, finally pass our NAPFA test. I am not fit in the beginning, and as much as I'd appreciate that he tot anyone could do it, with lotsa practice and exercises well..certainly not for me. I hate to be segregated from the rest of my classmates who had passed their tests and were now entitled to any free form of exercise, inclusive sports, while me and my other peers (about 5 of them), would run outside to practise for the 2.4km. And then followed by pull-ups, standing broad jump..yadah yadah....for the whole PE lesson....I meant for EVERY PE lesson. That, together with the lunch hour exercise where me, yes me again, with the rest of the school population who had failed, would indulge again in a series of 'conditioning exercises' that would help us to attain good results.
I was so sick and tired of running.....and physically sick too that I had to lock myself in the toilet coz I felt like vomitting and my head was spinning. I would turn up at least 10 minutes late for class just to regain back my composure. While the rest were just wipe and go, I had to sit still on the toilet seat and put my head low coz I felt like dying. I dared say I was at the lowest point of my life. When I finallie gained my composure, I slowly put on my school blouse and skirt and walked to class. Afternoon was quite as bad too as it would involve running in the hot afternoon sun while other school peers would pass by the corridors as they moved around freely for that one hour of break.
I did try my best to pass and though I did get better, it was always a case of not good enough. So I had to do it all the time. I felt segregated. I felt humiliated. I felt alone. Then seeing my other peers in the club slowly leaving one by one coz they onlie had to pass one or two items, unlike me....it took a toll on me. I was very determined to pass and this determination was seen by others too who later reciprocated my action which turned out to be a good thing for them. I did notch up a few more minutes, which in my book, was good enough for the run. My other peers passed coz they onlie had to cut down 2 or 3 minutes which they did eventually. So, in the end..I lost a few of my peers whom I relied on for moral support. Eventually, I had my first breakdown.
As I was running the 3rd round in the carpark, I started to feel that I am a no good for nothing. All this wouldnt have happened if I wasn't fat. And that I am strong arms and legs. I hated doing this routine over and over and over again and I hate seeing myself always left out from enjoying myself fully playing games with my other friends. I hated everyone. Most importantly, I hated myself. Half way through I started crying. I started to question my existence and I wished I would die on the spot so that they could see the agony I went through and be miserable for causing my 'death'. I just quit running and went to a flight of stairs and started to just be left to my thoughts.
Then, one of my friends saw me all alone and went I saw her, I just started sobbing. She asked what's wrong and I said I don't want to run anymore. But she was no help. She told me that she used to fail her 2.4km run. Her determination made her pass later. I was not ready to listen to any success stories. I did not want to listen to anything connected with the NAPFA test. So, I just left and went back in to take my school uniform but I was greeted with even more people looking at me trying to control my sobbing. I told them that I wasn't good at anything. I was such a loser.
They told me that I don't have to be good at that. I already tried my best and that's good enough. If I can't pass after so many times..so what.....I was good at other things that they themselves are not good enough. Furthermore, they did not see me any different when I failed my napfa and had to go through those fitness routines. I am who I am and I should be proud of myself. They like me for who I am and that matters most to them. It was like a miracle. The thing that I wanted to hear. Not anymore of those 'you can do it' stories. I admit that the napfa test is one of my weaknesses and after trying for a dozen times (I lost count of the number of re-tests I had to take), I just have to accept the fact that perhaps, I should concentrate on other things that are worth my time and effort.
In the end, I went to the stadium alone and it was to be my last run. I ran and though I did not pass, I got my own personal best record. I was proud of it no matter what the coach would think. I walked out of the stadium....putting it behind my back.....and smiled, well...those runs did me good too. I did a soul-searching and I became more determined. But if I fail, I don't dwell on it. At least I tried my best...I don't have to be good for anyone.
I also quit floorball team because even though I tried my best to play, I was just not wat he was looking for coz my aimings were bad, I could not run fast enough to get the ball and every opportunity to play with outside teams, were given to those who would bring glory to our school. Well, good for him coz he did choose the good players and our school did win and gained recognition. But I don't want to waste my time doing something where others would think I would never be good enough to ensure a 'win'. Therefore, I quit. I didn't come back home late and went for practices on Saturday for nothing. I wanted to get exposure too coz I liked the sports. But being pushed aside all the time just coz I wasn't good enough, I didn't like that.
So, I say......you know what? Think positive about the good intentions of the TAF club but if people keep putting you down for your below par performances, then perhaps they should revamp the whole system. We should aim to make our young Singaporeans healthier....not put them on an emotional rampage just coz they felt 'differen't from others. Stop discrimination. Start treating people like humans. Don't always aim to be the best among the best..while forgetting the welfare of our children. They have feelings too. I know..I went through the whole ordeal.
But thankfully, the ones who had to be enlisted in this programme, they were a fun bunch. Hey, who says fat people can't have fun?!! Though we came in different sizes, when it comes to laughing ourselves silly when we played one of the ball sports like basketball, it was truly a fun workout. But hated those scheming plans thought of by the 'young'..yawnz....'aspiring'...yawnz...'energetic'........*snores* which looked sport on in making our school of having the worst inspired exercise regime on the fitness map. Unfortunately, our school DID a high fitness level among our students among other schools. ARGH!!! Where is justice?!!!
So, the previous expressionless, cold and stone-hearted..(not forgetting..ageing) PE teachers were so amazed at this high achievement and at the same time, decided to spice their own fitness routines based on the ever charismatic new PE teachers. Look, I said charismatic coz they were popular among the students, i meant those that already fit enough to begin with, for spicing things up a bit and making things a bit challenging for them. Plus, they were more friendly and were looked up as a mentor. Ahhh....non of those boring ol' routines again. But unfit people like me? It onlie served to be a strong driving factor in making us avoid PE for life. Or until we leave school.
Nobody can imagine the hardship I had to go through for every PE lesson and every TAF club lesson. Who is crazy enough to make us run the entire school and up and down the four level of staircases as well as the climb the steep slopes at least 10 times?!! Everyone almost drop dead...I thought I saw light at the end of the tunnel. Or maybe coz I was always the last one so its probably flashes of people passing by me (not forgetting our PE shirts were half white too). But I was partially thankful that the new me then would try to endure such physical torture for my own good and even though I was huffing and puffing...and dragging myself through every passing round, I imagined myself being trimmer at the end of the day. Then, just as I successfully cloud myself with happie thoughts, I was dropped with another bomb. I was going to get a new PE teacher. To me, it was like great....more torture.
I must admit that he was not as bad as the previous one, who tought that his witty yet humorous sarcasm could enlighten anyone. (ha ha...oh my gosh, am i actually 'laughing' at his joke?). But damn it, why can't PE teachers be like guardian angels who actually lift you up from your misery by saying 'come come my child, being well...over the supposed weight limit, is simply a myth. you are what you are...chubby or not. This is onlie to make you healthier....hrm..in that, let's do yoga for the rest of the year.' Now this PE teacher started a specific club, on TOP of our current TAF club, to ensure the school population would attain more than 90% passes for the NAPFA programme. WOW...*clap..clap..clap*
Not surprisingly, I was enlisted. You should see his pure determination in making us, the failures, finally pass our NAPFA test. I am not fit in the beginning, and as much as I'd appreciate that he tot anyone could do it, with lotsa practice and exercises well..certainly not for me. I hate to be segregated from the rest of my classmates who had passed their tests and were now entitled to any free form of exercise, inclusive sports, while me and my other peers (about 5 of them), would run outside to practise for the 2.4km. And then followed by pull-ups, standing broad jump..yadah yadah....for the whole PE lesson....I meant for EVERY PE lesson. That, together with the lunch hour exercise where me, yes me again, with the rest of the school population who had failed, would indulge again in a series of 'conditioning exercises' that would help us to attain good results.
I was so sick and tired of running.....and physically sick too that I had to lock myself in the toilet coz I felt like vomitting and my head was spinning. I would turn up at least 10 minutes late for class just to regain back my composure. While the rest were just wipe and go, I had to sit still on the toilet seat and put my head low coz I felt like dying. I dared say I was at the lowest point of my life. When I finallie gained my composure, I slowly put on my school blouse and skirt and walked to class. Afternoon was quite as bad too as it would involve running in the hot afternoon sun while other school peers would pass by the corridors as they moved around freely for that one hour of break.
I did try my best to pass and though I did get better, it was always a case of not good enough. So I had to do it all the time. I felt segregated. I felt humiliated. I felt alone. Then seeing my other peers in the club slowly leaving one by one coz they onlie had to pass one or two items, unlike me....it took a toll on me. I was very determined to pass and this determination was seen by others too who later reciprocated my action which turned out to be a good thing for them. I did notch up a few more minutes, which in my book, was good enough for the run. My other peers passed coz they onlie had to cut down 2 or 3 minutes which they did eventually. So, in the end..I lost a few of my peers whom I relied on for moral support. Eventually, I had my first breakdown.
As I was running the 3rd round in the carpark, I started to feel that I am a no good for nothing. All this wouldnt have happened if I wasn't fat. And that I am strong arms and legs. I hated doing this routine over and over and over again and I hate seeing myself always left out from enjoying myself fully playing games with my other friends. I hated everyone. Most importantly, I hated myself. Half way through I started crying. I started to question my existence and I wished I would die on the spot so that they could see the agony I went through and be miserable for causing my 'death'. I just quit running and went to a flight of stairs and started to just be left to my thoughts.
Then, one of my friends saw me all alone and went I saw her, I just started sobbing. She asked what's wrong and I said I don't want to run anymore. But she was no help. She told me that she used to fail her 2.4km run. Her determination made her pass later. I was not ready to listen to any success stories. I did not want to listen to anything connected with the NAPFA test. So, I just left and went back in to take my school uniform but I was greeted with even more people looking at me trying to control my sobbing. I told them that I wasn't good at anything. I was such a loser.
They told me that I don't have to be good at that. I already tried my best and that's good enough. If I can't pass after so many times..so what.....I was good at other things that they themselves are not good enough. Furthermore, they did not see me any different when I failed my napfa and had to go through those fitness routines. I am who I am and I should be proud of myself. They like me for who I am and that matters most to them. It was like a miracle. The thing that I wanted to hear. Not anymore of those 'you can do it' stories. I admit that the napfa test is one of my weaknesses and after trying for a dozen times (I lost count of the number of re-tests I had to take), I just have to accept the fact that perhaps, I should concentrate on other things that are worth my time and effort.
In the end, I went to the stadium alone and it was to be my last run. I ran and though I did not pass, I got my own personal best record. I was proud of it no matter what the coach would think. I walked out of the stadium....putting it behind my back.....and smiled, well...those runs did me good too. I did a soul-searching and I became more determined. But if I fail, I don't dwell on it. At least I tried my best...I don't have to be good for anyone.
I also quit floorball team because even though I tried my best to play, I was just not wat he was looking for coz my aimings were bad, I could not run fast enough to get the ball and every opportunity to play with outside teams, were given to those who would bring glory to our school. Well, good for him coz he did choose the good players and our school did win and gained recognition. But I don't want to waste my time doing something where others would think I would never be good enough to ensure a 'win'. Therefore, I quit. I didn't come back home late and went for practices on Saturday for nothing. I wanted to get exposure too coz I liked the sports. But being pushed aside all the time just coz I wasn't good enough, I didn't like that.
So, I say......you know what? Think positive about the good intentions of the TAF club but if people keep putting you down for your below par performances, then perhaps they should revamp the whole system. We should aim to make our young Singaporeans healthier....not put them on an emotional rampage just coz they felt 'differen't from others. Stop discrimination. Start treating people like humans. Don't always aim to be the best among the best..while forgetting the welfare of our children. They have feelings too. I know..I went through the whole ordeal.
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