It's easy to see me as someone who is cool as if there are no problems bugging me but thats just who I am outside. Im rather tormented inside coz my mum has been driving me up the wall nowadays and it's not over me going out often as I've been pretty good. It's just that seriously, she's driving me insane with her constant need for reassurance about her health which she does not want to do anything about so seriously, there IS nothing I can do except listening to her talk and talk and talk. Then I asked her to look after my father's health and not to make him buy food outside too often like those coconut rich food but she took a nonchalant attitude about it like..heck..let him buy what he wants to buy. Her excuse is that he's sick and it cannot be cured so whats the point..just let him enjoy. And when the person coughs non stop for the past few days, she kept on calling me on the phone, make me convince him to see the private doctor and then forcing to take a half day to send him to see one. When I reach home, she keep on saying she cannot stand him coughing and coughing.
Seriously, I took the trouble to collect his medicine from the hospital and fine, she does her job of giving him the medicine. I just dont understand my mum's attitude over everything and not just over my dad. She has issues in which she says what she wants and she does what she wants and she'll throw a tantrum like a small friggin kid if we utter a single word that goes against what she's doing. For example, once..she cannot even stand me saying 'mum, get ready ah..' and she told me off saying she hate it when people ask her to get ready because she will get ready when she wants to and nobody can say anything about it.
Im only saying that because she had to go to a wedding and I know she's a last minute sorta person and she will be almost like a mad woman if she's running late. THen she'll drive me insane and keep on yelling at me and find her stuffs which alway seem to be missing at the last minute.
Then I hate her 'what if?' questions like she will be telling my auntie off or my dad off about something and then she will go like 'what if she thinks that Im angry?'...or her 'do you think?' questions. I know she doesnt fancy my auntie's husband or her relatives and then just blurt out angry stuffs about them when my aunt talked about their nasty kedekut or stingy habits. After that she will go back to me and ask non stop 'do you think she will tell them?'. I dont know if she's suffering from short term memory loss or what but she has this freaking habit of going into repeat mode like she's in constant need of assurance and reassurance.
PLUS!! Most time she's never satisfied with my answers and after a while of hearing something over and over again, I go into this auto brain shutdown. No serious, it's like I keep saying to her mum, dont eat MAMEE crackers too often and again she will ask me to buy despite me saying no, you cant eat that always. Then she of course wont be too happy about it and insists that she 'balances' out her diet. After that she suffers from headaches or she gets this invisible tiny bumps on her body and would ask me what is it..what is wrong..is it ok..will anything happen to her..will it get worse...but at the end of the day, I know she will never go to the doctor to check out what's wrong.
In short, Im really really tired of listening to her talk all the time and it's really beyond my control if she doesnt want to listen to me at first calling me a nag. Im really really tired of playing this mind game of 'yes mum...no mum'.
Im also tired of controlling the family budget because my mum thinks money will last forever and that whatever amount we spend on, will be miraculously recouped back. It's bull shit lah but every time she expects me to give money or buy stuffs, I'd better not give her shit that there is so and so amount left because to her, she doesnt spend a lot or she doesnt make me spend a lot. Yeah right! for someone who doesnt cook and expect to eat good quality food like a 1.95 bread for example every freaking day and buy food court priced takeaway food almost everyday, yeah right the money will stay stagnant in the f**king bank! And if the money runs low, oh blame it on rahayu for being an idiot for not managing the f**king money well! I know she's just ready to pounce on me whenever I gave her 'the look' if she wishes me to get some stuffs that is slightly on the pricier side. Do i look like a f**king MONEY TREE TO HER?!! Do you know how hard it is to control the budget but yet not go against what my mum asked to buy coz she will be so damn sarcastic saying...oh..it's 'expensive'....we dont have 'enough money'..'we cant afford it'....even if that item may cost like 2 dollar plus.
LIke hello?!!.....
YOu know what..I have had enough.
I wont go against her wish of what she wants me to buy....but I just had to tighten my belt tighter than it already is through my own self means. I ran out of wholemeal bread and my digestive biscuits is running out soon too but I guess I have to sacrifice not eating them for the next two week. Why two weeks? Coz payday will set in. I try to make the cuts wherever I can. Money will be solely spent on my transportation, my lunch and groceries for the family...excluding my own.
I, for once, am determined to make the money..or whatever that is left, last as long as I can for at least these two weeks. Then payday comes, it will be spent on more takeaway food for the breaking fast period coz knowing her, she wants to try this food or that food and I know initially, each trip will cost me almost fifteen dollars of food. You know lah, people are just too eager to extort money out of you even if a pre packaged food that you bought...its quantity is not even worth the amount of $3 or more even.
It's a tough call but I try to see it as life's a journey..no matter how f**ked up it can be sometimes..
Seriously, I took the trouble to collect his medicine from the hospital and fine, she does her job of giving him the medicine. I just dont understand my mum's attitude over everything and not just over my dad. She has issues in which she says what she wants and she does what she wants and she'll throw a tantrum like a small friggin kid if we utter a single word that goes against what she's doing. For example, once..she cannot even stand me saying 'mum, get ready ah..' and she told me off saying she hate it when people ask her to get ready because she will get ready when she wants to and nobody can say anything about it.
Im only saying that because she had to go to a wedding and I know she's a last minute sorta person and she will be almost like a mad woman if she's running late. THen she'll drive me insane and keep on yelling at me and find her stuffs which alway seem to be missing at the last minute.
Then I hate her 'what if?' questions like she will be telling my auntie off or my dad off about something and then she will go like 'what if she thinks that Im angry?'...or her 'do you think?' questions. I know she doesnt fancy my auntie's husband or her relatives and then just blurt out angry stuffs about them when my aunt talked about their nasty kedekut or stingy habits. After that she will go back to me and ask non stop 'do you think she will tell them?'. I dont know if she's suffering from short term memory loss or what but she has this freaking habit of going into repeat mode like she's in constant need of assurance and reassurance.
PLUS!! Most time she's never satisfied with my answers and after a while of hearing something over and over again, I go into this auto brain shutdown. No serious, it's like I keep saying to her mum, dont eat MAMEE crackers too often and again she will ask me to buy despite me saying no, you cant eat that always. Then she of course wont be too happy about it and insists that she 'balances' out her diet. After that she suffers from headaches or she gets this invisible tiny bumps on her body and would ask me what is it..what is wrong..is it ok..will anything happen to her..will it get worse...but at the end of the day, I know she will never go to the doctor to check out what's wrong.
In short, Im really really tired of listening to her talk all the time and it's really beyond my control if she doesnt want to listen to me at first calling me a nag. Im really really tired of playing this mind game of 'yes mum...no mum'.
Im also tired of controlling the family budget because my mum thinks money will last forever and that whatever amount we spend on, will be miraculously recouped back. It's bull shit lah but every time she expects me to give money or buy stuffs, I'd better not give her shit that there is so and so amount left because to her, she doesnt spend a lot or she doesnt make me spend a lot. Yeah right! for someone who doesnt cook and expect to eat good quality food like a 1.95 bread for example every freaking day and buy food court priced takeaway food almost everyday, yeah right the money will stay stagnant in the f**king bank! And if the money runs low, oh blame it on rahayu for being an idiot for not managing the f**king money well! I know she's just ready to pounce on me whenever I gave her 'the look' if she wishes me to get some stuffs that is slightly on the pricier side. Do i look like a f**king MONEY TREE TO HER?!! Do you know how hard it is to control the budget but yet not go against what my mum asked to buy coz she will be so damn sarcastic saying...oh..it's 'expensive'....we dont have 'enough money'..'we cant afford it'....even if that item may cost like 2 dollar plus.
LIke hello?!!.....
YOu know what..I have had enough.
I wont go against her wish of what she wants me to buy....but I just had to tighten my belt tighter than it already is through my own self means. I ran out of wholemeal bread and my digestive biscuits is running out soon too but I guess I have to sacrifice not eating them for the next two week. Why two weeks? Coz payday will set in. I try to make the cuts wherever I can. Money will be solely spent on my transportation, my lunch and groceries for the family...excluding my own.
I, for once, am determined to make the money..or whatever that is left, last as long as I can for at least these two weeks. Then payday comes, it will be spent on more takeaway food for the breaking fast period coz knowing her, she wants to try this food or that food and I know initially, each trip will cost me almost fifteen dollars of food. You know lah, people are just too eager to extort money out of you even if a pre packaged food that you bought...its quantity is not even worth the amount of $3 or more even.
It's a tough call but I try to see it as life's a journey..no matter how f**ked up it can be sometimes..
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